Wednesday, November 11, 2015

nose picking

Obviously I'm not very good at this picking stuff anymore.  Two straight weeks with losing records.  Maybe I try and get too cute.  Maybe I don't know anything about football.  Maybe Paulie will let me keep my knees after this week.

Apparently daily fantasy is now illegal in New York, so if you are in New York, don't take any of this advise* and use it in any illegal gambling rings.  I'm not paid for these opinions (nobody would pay me, i tried) so FBI please leave LOV alone.

Unbelievable that i'm now worse in picks than EP.  I'm slipping

Unbelievable that the Broncos imploded twice with stupid penalties in the final minute of a game they could have/should have won.

Unbelievable that the Packers have been stomped two weeks in a row....R-E-L-A-X

Unbelievable that the sponsors for the cowboys haven't put pressure on them, like the ones did last year with the Vikings

On to the picks.  Last week I was 5-8, and overall record for me is 61-50-5 (.549)...keeping Paulie at bay for another week.  EP went 8-4 and after a couple of strong weeks is now 61-42-4 (.592), listen to his picks if you're going to illegally gamble at DraftKings or FanDuel in New York, not mine, i'm no good and not paid for this info or endorse gambling at all.

JETS -2.5 v Bills
This one could go anywhere.  I think that Rex typically gets his ass kicked when he starts running his mouth and doing stupid things, so that's why I pick the Jets, plus they're at home.  And the bills are a little banged up, and Revis OWNS Sammy Watkins.  Jets offense is a stinkfest right now, Bilal Powell might be your DFS play this week in this game, or Karlos Williams on the cheap.   Jets win 24-20

Packers -13 v Lions
How about a get right game for the pack?  How come the only team that fired a coach and hasn't seen improvement is the Lions?  Everyone else played better for at least a week.  Maybe with the bye last week, Jim Bob has created some new coolness.  DFS play here is Jimmy Starks, he's taken over the lead role for the packers, Lacy is hurt, and they should be ahead by 3 TDs by the middle of the 2nd quarter and can just run it the entire 2nd half.  Plus the lions run defense blows.  Pack win this one going away 35-13.

Bucs -1 v Cowboys
Not many games this year where the Bucs have been favored.  Not many games this year where the Bucs have the edge at QB.  My DFS play here is run DMC, if he's cheap enough.  Since taking over the starting spot, he's averaging 111 yards rushing per game, plus he's good for a few catches as well.  Jameis Winston might not be a bad DFS play either, he's quietly not thrown an interception in 4 straight games, and he hasn't raped anyone, stolen any crablegs, or yelled cunt in public all season, so that's a win.  I'm taking the bucs here 35-31.

Panthers -5.5 v Titans
Titans had their fun last week.  Panthers defense is about a google times better than the Saints though.  Google is a number, look it up, although i think it's spelt googol or something, but we're not about spelling here, just learnin. DFS pick here is Panthers defense.  Might be spendy, but they're gonna have a return or defensive TD this week.  Count on it, put it in stone.  Panthers should win easily and move to 9-0, bye* the score of 31-17.

Bears +7.5 v Rams
Rams defense is tough at home.  And they have Jim Brown as their running back.  he'd be a good DFS pick, but I can't find Jim Brown in the rosters, so whatever.  Bears have kept every game close.  Cutler doesn't look lost too much, sometimes, but not too much.  He makes sure and throw picks and bad decisions early so they can still catchup later in the game.  DFS pick here is Jeremy Langford (not sure if any of that name is right), but he looked great against a crappy chargers team, and I bet he's cheap.  If this rams pass rush gets going, you'll see a lot of dump off and screens to langford, and he probably marks the end of Matt Forte in Chicago.  he's getting wally pipped.  Rams probably win, but not by a lot, Rams 24-21.  (this is one where I get too cute and think i'm so smart, you should probably pick the other way)

Saints (pick'em) v Redskins
I'll take the team with the better QB because this is going to be a shootout.  I'm probably wrong on this one.  DFS says to pick Willie Snead, but he's too popular, Ben Watson is a good choice here.  The Saints have been using the TE, and figuring out how to live without Jimmy Graham.  Both defenses suck, and Drew Brees seems to have gotten some of his mojo back, so we shall see.  Saints win 42-41.

Dolphins (+7) v Eagles
I don't think the eagles have only won two games by 7 points or more (giants and saints and cowboys) editor's note: that's three.  blue's note: I said I don't think they've only won 2 games, so I was right.  Anyway, Dolphins front 7 will demolish the shitty blocking schemes that the eagles have going for them.  Not sure that the fish* have enough to win this game, but shouldn't be 7 point dogs.  DFS sneaky pick here is Ryan Mathews.  It's a gamble, I know, but then that's why it's illegal in New York.  Dolphins keep it close and win on a hail mary by tannehill to Mike Wallace, 35-31.  (I know mike wallace isn't on the team anymore, just replace that name with jarvis landry)

Browns +4.5 v Steelers
I've now picked 4 straight road teams, all unfavored.  This is why I suck.  I can't reasonably pick Landry Jones, and Deangelo Williams.  I just can't.  Even if they make me use Johnny Football this week, I just can't pick the steelers to win.  It's not possible.  Steelers are goodish at home.  Antonio Bryant is unhuman, not like a zombie, but like an alien.  are zombies considered human?  I mean maybe, but there could be zombie other species too right?  anyway.  DFS pick here is nobody, because this game licks balls.  If you're using somebody from this game it should only be Barnidge, and only if McCown is playing.  Browns win 41-10 (does the score really matter?)

Ravens -5.5 v Jaguars
Ravens coming out of the bye, they're about to reel off 8 straight wins and make the playoffs at 10-6, move on and win the superbowl.  book your tickets to Santa Clara now Flacco.  From a DFS perspective, I like Blake Bortles.  The guy puts up numbers.  Especially if you can get in a league where you don't get negative points for turnovers.  But he runs for more yards than you'd expect and throws for a lot and for TDs.  He's maybe a top 5 fantasy QB this year...i don't know, but it sounds good.  Ravens run the ball, control the clock, and start their 8 game streak here.  42-35

Raiders -3 v Vikings
Consider me a believer in the Raiders.  I'm not a believer in the Vikings.  I'm probably wrong on both accounts, but damn if the raiders haven't been impressive, maybe it's just that they're impressive because everyone thought they would suck, i don't know.  Is teddy ballgame playing?  Dude got knocked out cold, if the concussion protocol allows for him to play this week, well he should just apply for his payment from the NFL's class action lawsuit.  DFS play, if teddy ballgame plays, then lets got with Stefon Diggs.  If he doesn't, you can't go wrong with Michael Crabtree.  Teams are rolling coverages like crazy to try and contain Amari Cooper, and leaving the crabapple open a lot.  Old man still has a little left in the tank.

Patriots -8.5 v Giants
This game, I swear.  I want to pick the Giant so badly.  So so badly, but I can't.  There just isn't a reason other than "eli owns tom brady" or something to that effect.  "coughlin eats belichik's lunch" or some other stupid thing that doesn't make any sense.  Pats are gigantic, enormous chips on their shoulder for this game.  They won't sleep through this one, no way.  DFS play is probably LG Blount, but only because i'm going to sit him this week.  Dion Lewis gone for the season means LG gets a few more looks, but if the Pats determine it's a passing week (and why wouldn't you, did you see what Drew Brees did), then LG is maybe a 32 yards rushing guy.  I mean you could go OBJ or Gronk, but what fun is that, anyone can pick those guys.  In the end the pats have too much here.  49-7.

Broncos -5.5 v Chiefs
Chiefs coming off a bye after their trip to London.  Broncos coming off a stinkfest in Indy where they did everything possible to shoot themselves in the eye.  Broncos are the better team, Manning will break a couple of records for the home crowd this week, as opposed to the home crowd last week.  Broncos defense will be pissed, and the chefs still have Alex Smith, and no Jamaal Charles.  DFS pick here is Travis Kelce maybe.  I don't know, all the options in this game suck.  Broncos win 39-21

Cardinals +3 v Seahawks
Can't believe the seahawks are favored here.  Cardinals won in Seattle last year.  That might not be right, but i'm not looking it up.  They're the better team, the faster team.  The stronger team, the better team.  DFS Chris Johnson.  I'm running out of steam.  Cards win 31-17

Bengals -12 v Texans
Outside of the Patriots, most impressive team i've seen all year.  Also said I wasn't picking the Texans for the rest of the year.  I think this is the week Jeremy Hill gets it going, and rushes for about 150 yards, making him my DFS pick.  Bengals win in a blowout on Monday night, in all orange, or all black, or whatever they wear.  45-14.

On a side note, i've never played daily fantasy and have no idea how it works, so with all recommendations, it's buyer beware, almost like it's gambling (which is illegal in New York).

49 comments:

tem said...

The value of the site has doubled since blue started posting picks.

Also his picks are better than that Bill Simon guy.

Keef said...

Cardinals won in Seattle last year.


The year before. Last year they had Lindley or some shit in Seattle

Meiz said...

I'm about to pay $40 for James Starks tomorrow morning.

Holy fuck.

El Padrino said...

Jets tonight

Blue said...

easy to make picks after i've already given you picks

Keef said...

Barrett tells the officer "I'm the quarterback of Ohio State" as he's being handcuffed and led to the back of a police cruiser. Seconds later in the clip, he asks him "is there anything you can do?" The officer replies "What I'm gonna do, my intention is to not take you to jail. That's about the best I'm doing for you tonight."



Hilarious

Jugdish said...

Jugdish happy veterans day. To you and your family


thanks, man!

Blue said...

i'm thankful for veterans every day...but i'm glad you get a free meal at denny's yesterday

Keef said...

Man, Natalie Gulbis is still fine as fuck

Meiz said...

Um, yeah. Why else would I follow her on IG?

Also, Lexi Thompson.

And Genie Bouchard.

Meiz said...

Sometimes Lexi looks like crap though. Me & a couple friends have discussed this.

El Padrino said...

Hornball

El Padrino said...

Man the jets are getting worked.

Keef said...

Sometimes Lexi looks like crap though.


Agreed

Meiz said...

That Golf Digest cover melted me, though.

Blue said...

Lexi is no good

Aitch said...

"How are things at LOV?  Who is still left there?  Tell all those fuckers I said hi.  (And please make sure to quote me on the "fuckers" part lol.)  I can only imagine how my name came up - either in reference to my being a slut or my being a guy, lol."

Keef said...

Look at Beth acting like she doesn't stalk this place

Blue said...

hi beth

tem said...

Is that an email from Beth to H?

Meiz said...

Allegedly.

Keef said...

All those lols are fishy. Aitch's trademark.

Aitch said...

Aitch does use a lot of lols

Blue said...

maybe that's why you and beth connect on such a level

Blue said...

i kind of think i should start playing the drums


all drummers are cool guys

Aitch said...

So why would you play?

El Padrino said...

Drummers don't have kids bro. Life is over

Blue said...

drummers make the band, shitty drummer, shitty band

Blue said...

i wanna be the guy that determines if the band is good or not

Keef said...

Drummers don't have kids bro. Life is over


Blue is in SD, the kids are in Denver

Blue said...

kids are still here

they're moving back soon though, so I have drumming time

Jugdish said...

Boats and hoes!

Jugdish said...

blue is gonna play the catalina wine mixer

Blue said...

i'm ready for it.

it's the largest helicopter leasing event in the country

Blue said...

starting in 2015, the catalina wine mixer is an actual thing

Keef said...

It's the fucking Catalina wine mixer

Blue said...

POW

Blue said...

turkoglu only played 3 years for the kings, seems like a lot longer

El Padrino said...

I must have called 100 tiiiimmmmeeesssss

Aitch said...

I don't get it with Adele. All her songs sound the same to me.

El Padrino said...

Fucking terrorists

Meiz said...

One of my friends is in Paris with U2. Pray for me & my family.

/H

El Padrino said...

Wipe these fuckers out.

Meiz said...

I may have done that wrong.

Meiz said...

"I don't get it with Adele. All her songs sound the same to me."

I can't stand that morose motherfucker.

Blue said...

Adele is a fat Celine dion but British instead of canadian

Aitch said...

Nah, no one I know in France. Thanks for your concern :-P

All joking aside though, every time one of these attacks happens it makes me glad that I don't have kids and reinforces my desire to never have any. It is becoming a scary fucking world. You guys that have kids must lie awake at night worrying sometimes.

El Padrino said...

the reason you don't wants kids is because of ISIS?

El Padrino said...

anyway, picks are up new thread

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