Monday, February 23, 2015

Is your diary running? You better go get it.

Back by my demand, live on tape delay, here is my attempt at some humor. Aitch probably won't be impressed. I'm no Dane Cook or Denis Leary. Sue me.
The red carpet show is currently on. I'm making fun of people. Weird. Cmk gave up talking bad about people for lent. What a waste. Right now they're showing Faith Hill and Tug McGraw. Or Tim. Whichever one wasn't the former pitcher. But I've never seen him without a hat so I didn't have any idea who it was.
Lady Gaga side boob. She's still gross.
Patricia Arquette looks like csil looked today when she dropped cmk off from the bachelorette party. Not. Good. She should brush her hair.
The guy who met my mother is opening up the show with a whitey joke. Now he's singing. I've lost interest already. Jeez, this is long. I think they mislabeled this and it's really the Tony awards.  
There's Nicole Kidman and her wife.
This first presenter is baa-lackkkk. Like, a lot. And she's wearing a white dress made of pearls or something. I think they call that contrast.
Best supporting actor goes to the Farmers Insurance guy. Good for him. Those commercials are good. Side note, I want to see Whiplash. Doogie made a funny, "he, won an Oscar, bum ba bum bum bum bum bum.
Side note, I don't want to see Grand Budapest Hotel. I'm not sure if I want to see American Sniper.
Adam Levine. FF
J-Lo always has to wear a dress cut down the middle to the waist. I don't like her or her small boobs. Costume award...FF
Reese Witherspoon and her 7-head is presenting the makeup and hairstyle award. Tem probably wouldn't, but I will...FF
Channing Tatum is so dreamy. He kind of looks like Sean Casey right now. That's not a compliment.
Nicole Kidman and a really black guy. I think they call that contrast. Best foreign film. FF
Side note, I want to see Boyhood. I also want to see The Theory of Everything. I want to see Birdman, like a lot.
Everything is awesome. Apparently. They should have told their song that.
Lisps drive me crazy. I don't know why. Do you know what else drives me crazy? Live action short films. FF
Documentary short subject sounds like an awful category. FF
Governor's award time. The nominees are Ahnold, Jesse the Body, and Jeb Bush. SWIDT?
Doogie is walking around in his underwear. Bilok is drooling.
Side note, I want to see Unbroken.
Jesus is presenting Best Supporting Actress. I thought he'd be too busy for this gig. And the winner is....hot mess Patricia. What is she talking about? She's as big of a mess inside as she is outside.
Anna Kendrick is cute enough. Not hot, but cute. Kevin Hart is just a little guy. Der. Best animated short film. FF
This Zoey chick is cute. Great rack. She's presenting best animated film with aThe Rock, or as he was introduced, Dwayne Johnson. Big Hero 6 wins. Not sure why Lego Movie wasn't nominated. It's not like it was a big year for animated movies.
Time to see who dies this year. Meryl Streep is presenting. She might be on next year's montage. I always feel bad for the people who don't get any applause.
Side note, I want to see The Imitation Game. I don't want to see Selma.
I said Keira Knightly kind of looks like Natalie Portman sometimes. Cmk was offended.
Jennifer Aniston is so hot. She'll be 80 years old and still be hot. But I'll be 70 so it won't sound as weird.
John Legend and Common singing some song about race. Unfortunately I'm caught up on the DVR.  That's racist. I might have said is before, but John Legend's wife is fugly. Can't believe she's an SI model.
Best song, Glory. Yay civil rights. Just lost all respect for John Legend. Get off your high zorse. Don't stand there and talk to me about there being more black men currently incarcerated in this country than there were enslaved on plantations in the 1800s. The fuck outta here with that drivel. Don't even make that comparison.
ScarJo, yes please, still.
Lady Gaga, no thank you, still. Girl can sing, though.
 Eddie Murphy is in the top 5 grossing actors of all time? Goddamn. I wonder how that's calculated. Like, does Shrek's earnings count towards his total? Or does it only count movies where you're the lead actor?
Side note, I want to see Foxcatcher.
Best director goes to Birdman director. Alejandro de Mexicano.
Best actor. I hope it's Mr. Mom. And the winner is, the dude who played Stephen Hawking. He just did the ice bucket challenge.
Best actress. Winner is, Julianne Moore. Fucking gingers. I've never even heard of the movie she's in.
Best picture, presented by Sean Penn. I remember when he was married to Madonna. The winner is Birdman.
Goodnight now!

370 comments:

1 – 200 of 370   Newer›   Newest»
ToddPacker said...

nice job on the runny, Keith

Aitch said...

What's "FF?"

Aitch said...

"This Zoey chick is cute. Great rack."

She just had a baby. Post pregnancy tits.

Blue said...

Yeah zoe's normal tits are not very impressive

tem said...

"I said Keira Knightly kind of looks like Natalie Portman sometimes"


yeah she does. they worked this into Star Wars Episode I basically.

they look a lot alike.

tem said...

"Don't stand there and talk to me about there being more black men currently incarcerated in this country than there were enslaved on plantations in the 1800s."

yeah, this stat gets the most misleading stat award for 2015. the competition is already over. start planning for 2016 if you want to win the award.

tem said...

" I wonder how that's calculated. Like, does Shrek's earnings count towards his total? "

good question. Sam Jackson would be #1 if you got to count anything they were in.

Blue said...

You forgot that nor bit and the nutty professor movies made crazy bank. I'm sure she'll counts too as he's a main character

Blue said...

She'll equals Shrek

Blue said...

Re: the black guys in jail stat

"stop breaking the law asshole"

tem said...

shrek has to count.

and it has to be inflation adjusted.

Blue said...

I seem to remember bhc being one of the top grossing movies of all time when it came out

Keef said...

What's "FF?"

fast forward

tem said...

it did well

tem said...

plus vampire in Brooklyn.

Keef said...

Daddy daycare

Meiz said...

Harlem Nights

Keef said...

Boomerang

El Padrino said...

if you want to win an Oscar just play a cripple or a tard

Aitch said...

"Fast forward"

Good God I'm dumb sometimes.

Keef said...

I was being nice by just answering your question

Aitch said...

I appreciate that. I kinda lobbed one up for you. I guess you prefer a challenge.

tem said...

"if you want to win an Oscar just play a cripple or a tard"

well known fact.

tem said...

I also did not know what FF meant.

tem said...

I think ronda rousey had that eye mole thing worked on. it isn't as gross as it used to be.

either that or its got some serious makeup on it or something.

El Padrino said...

Travolta is a pshyco

Blue said...

Travolta was trashed

tem said...

"Lawler-MacDonald set for July 11"


interesting.

that is the Aldo - McGregor card.

UFC always have the heavier title fight be the last fight / main event I wonder if they'll break that "rule" this time.

tem said...

"Travolta was trashed"

he's fucking awkward.

Meiz said...

Scientology, man

tem said...

it must fuck with your brain.

tem said...

blue what did you pay psf to finish your basement?

Blue said...

Roughly $40 psf

When I add in all the furniture and other crappie it was closer to $50-$55

tem said...

how many bathrooms?

Blue said...

3/4 bath, just one

Blue said...

But I also added a whole huge bar with built-in kegorator.

If I take out the bar it was closer to 30 psf

tem said...

Bars are expensive

Blue said...

Yeah, but it was worth it, really ties the room together, like a rug

El Padrino said...

Man the dongs on these college kids

Keef said...

Squeeze me?

Jugdish said...

oops, wrong blog

/Lp

tem said...

LP watching too much porn again

Meiz said...

"Man the dongs on these college kids"

Don't watch the NFL combine so closely.

Jugdish said...

not sure this will help

Jugdish said...

Cleveland Light Browns

tem said...

browns fans will be up in arms

Meiz said...

Cleveland Ernge

tem said...

they changing that dumb leprechaun that is somehow a browns logo too?

Blue said...

Tem, you want Winston?

Keef said...

Tem loves him some Jameis

El Padrino said...

Lots of strip clubs in Tampa

Blue said...

I'd be less worried about him if the team that drafts him isn't in Florida.

Change of scenery

El Padrino said...

Metz is mad gay for knowing What I was referring too. Haha faggot

tem said...

no, I don't want Winston.

but I don't want what they got either and I don't really want any other player any more so what the hell, let's go Jame Is.

Meiz said...

"Metz is mad gay for knowing What I was referring too. Haha faggot"

Maybe I know how much of a fucking weirdo and pervert you are.

El Padrino said...

Yeah whatever gaylord

Aitch said...

So Meiz is gay for knowing what you were referring to, but you're not gay for saying it in the first place?

Aitch said...

Isn't Jameis Winston just going to be Jemarcus Russell v2.0?

El Padrino said...

Or not. Or he could be the next Ben Rothlisberger.

Jugdish said...

bad night for Chicago sports last night

Jugdish said...

Or he could be the next Ben Rothlisberger.



he also avoided sexual assault charges?

tem said...

"Beginning immediately, K-State fans will be banned from attending all live sporting events involving any Big 12 team, including their beloved Wildcats.

The penalties extend to all current and former K-State students and all Ahearn Fund donors"

like all events? they can't go watch field hockey?

tem said...

that's some funny shit.


*post was satire. totally fooled me the first time I read it.

Meiz said...

"Yeah whatever gaylord"

Meatpeeper

Blue said...

Dong lover

tem said...

"he also avoided sexual assault charges?"

yes

Meiz said...

Damn. Applied for a job that I'm going to have to turn down. Old bosslady says it'd be a severe pay cut.

Meiz said...

"going to have to turn down"

Withdraw your application, you arrogant ass.

Meiz said...

Slow morning. Gonna get our asses kicked this afternoon.

Meiz said...

Someone is making a movie about Marshawn Lynch's life. Starring...















Marshawn Lynch

Blue said...

"Severe pay cut"

Didn't think you could go below minimum wage in Wisconsin

tem said...

why did you apply?

Meiz said...

They don't tell you what the position pays.

Meiz said...

Also, I want to get into a different department. There's no future in customer service. I don't want to get stagnant and turn into my co-workers.

tem said...

"They don't tell you what the position pays."

I guess I would have thought you would have found out before applying what it approximately paid.

Meiz said...

Sometimes they don't set a wage depending on what the applicant makes if they're already an employee.

Meiz said...

It's awkward af

Keef said...

I hate when escrow is short

Blue said...

Yeah customer service is not a long term solution. Worst part of customer service is servicing customers

Blue said...

Reggie Bush got cut by the lions

Keef said...

Mize has never struck me as the customer service type

tem said...

"I hate when escrow is short "


sometimes they say it is short and your payment goes down.

in 2013 they'll say you were $600 short, so they spread that over 12 months.

then 2014 rolls around and they say you are $300 short.

well you were already paying an extra $50 for the 2013 shortage. that goes away and is replaced by a $25 shortage for 2014. net is $25 to the good for you.


Blue said...

I just don't escrow

Keef said...

How do you not escrow

Meiz said...

"Reggie Bush got cut by the lions"

Good

Keef said...

in 2013 they'll say you were $600 short, so they spread that over 12 months.

then 2014 rolls around and they say you are $300 short



We did a refi last year so this loan is only 12 mos old

tem said...

Rich people don't have to escrow.

Jugdish said...

careful, Lp

Jugdish said...

gruden was great on mike and mike this morning

tem said...

how so?

tem said...

which gruden?

Jugdish said...

jon

tem said...

mike wilbon was all kinds of pissed that the nba union pres lady said reporters should ask a question or get out of the lockeroom.

seems fair to me. why the fuck are you in there if it isn't to ask questions? just to look around at all the NBA dong?

either be doing your job or get out. it is weird to me anyway that reporters are in the locker room anyway. you can't wait for a dude to shower and get dressed before you axe him about some stupid shit?

Jugdish said...

just to look around at all the NBA dong?



yes, please.

/Lp

Blue said...

I don't escrow, when we refi last year I chose not to have an escrow account, I think it's an extra 1/8 of a percent, but then I can use the money all year long as opposed to the bank using it

Blue said...

Godman snowblower was out of gas this morning.

All gas gone in garage, it was a shitty morning

Jugdish said...

All gas gone in garage, it was a shitty morning


once in a lifetime storm

/Lp

Blue said...

Aaron Hernandez drank a lot and left a shitty tip

tem said...

Who's he tipping in jail?

Keef said...

Kimbo Slice/Ken Shamrock on June 20

Meiz said...

Lame

Blue said...

"Who's he tipping in jail?"

He is just the tipping in jail

Aitch said...

Kimbo Slice is still a thing?

Meiz said...

No, that's why he and Ken Shamrock are fighting.

Meiz said...

The fucking dress is blue & black

tem said...

Shamrock will back out because of some injury.

Keef said...

The fucking dress is blue & black


I don't see the black

Meiz said...

You have weak eyes

El Padrino said...

What's with the dress thing.

Jugdish said...

white and gold

El Padrino said...

this is north Korea. Distracting us with a silly ruse while infiltrating our servers.

Jugdish said...

they also released the llamas yesterday

Jugdish said...

ive been watching/listening to A Football Life series on youtube whilst at work...good stuff.

Jugdish said...

I didn't know jerry rice had a brother named Zebedee.

Keef said...

they also released the llamas yesterday



That was yahuge here, obviously

Meiz said...

I'm so disappointed the llama thing happened while I was at work, and couldn't participate on twitter. It looked like so much fun.

Meiz said...

New chick here just revealed that Steve Martin is her uncle.

Meiz said...

Obviously, I'm skeptical.

Jugdish said...

I'm listening to A Football Life - Walter Payton...they interview Ashton Kutcher way too much for my liking.

Meiz said...

Scott Walker's proposed budget includes a section that states the UW universities are to remove their requirements that they report all witnessed sexual assaults on campus.


That's your boy, LP, Jug, & H.

Jugdish said...

Scott Walker's proposed budget includes a section that states the UW universities are to remove their requirements that they report all witnessed sexual assaults on campus.


so they could just walk away? suite

/keef

Meiz said...

I kinda dig Sam Smith's music.

Keef said...

Nerds are sad today

Blue said...

Nerds are sad most days

Keef said...

I had meeting this week over at my new yob. Yesterday we did a volunteer thing over at St. Mary's food bank. We packed 1200 boxes of food in like 90 minutes. Pretty cool experience.

Keef said...

I was talking about tem-like nerds

Blue said...

I did the food bank thing once, it is pretty cool

Blue said...

Yo

tem said...

nimoy thing is sad. didn't know he was sick.

tem said...

white and gold for the dress.

tem said...

so cool that different people see different things.

science is fun.

Meiz said...

It changed color on me this afternoon

Keef said...

nimoy thing is sad. didn't know he was sick.


Sad for you? Were you guys close?

tem said...

sad in general.

it's sad when anyone dies. more so when it is unexpected. this was unexpected to me.

it would have been sadder to me if it were someone else, but it is still sad.

tem said...

someone else being someone I actually knew.

but it still is a sad thing.

Keef said...

Fair enough

Keef said...

it's sad when anyone dies.


What about bin laden? Or saddam huessein?

Aitch said...

"That's your boy, LP, Jug, & H."

I don't get it

Aitch said...

"That's your boy, LP, Jug, & H."

I don't get it

Blue said...

Apparently chuck Liddell is promoting this weekends ufc at our restaurant in LA, right now.

The GM made it seem like it was a big deal

Keef said...

This weekends ufc card is awful. Liddell should fight

Meiz said...

"I don't get it"

That moron's making a white house push.

Blue said...

Yo

Blue said...

I think he's calling you republicans

Blue said...

Or ass clowns, not sure, maybe both

Meiz said...

Nope, just pointing out how much of a moron my governor is.

tem said...

"What about bin laden? Or saddam huessein?"

yeah. certainly a lesser degree than spock, but still sad.

tem said...

I am curious to see what this rousey led shit card is going to pull on PPV.

they keep saying rousey is a huge draw. we'll see.

also, she definitely had some work done of some sort. her pictures now don't even look the same as they used to.

Meiz said...

Hollywood will do that to you

Aitch said...

I just renewed us for another year. $15 if anyone cares/wants to contribute.

tem said...

text an addy

Keef said...

Anthony mason. Dead

Blue said...

Rip mase


Lp is in mourning

tem said...

That's 2.

Keef said...

Sad

tem said...

It is

Meiz said...

I'm calling Minnie Minoso #3

Meiz said...

This thing on?

Meiz said...

Supervisor's fucking with me today. Leggings as pants.

Keef said...

Are you wearing the same outfit?

Blue said...

Does she have a nice arse?

Meiz said...

yes, but yet it's unremarkable.

Meiz said...

I'm torn

ToddPacker said...

"I'm torn"

throw on your Sam Smith album and forget about it

Blue said...

So it's nice, but it's just normal,


Tons of asses like that out there

Meiz said...

I'd say it's above average.

tem said...

sick kid.

home.

nap time now.

Keef said...

throw on your Sam Smith album and forget about it


I laughed

Meiz said...

I didn't get the joke.

Blue said...

Sam smith doesn't like women's asses

Keef said...

I didn't get the joke.



You said you heart Sam smith or some shit.

Meiz said...

I said I kinda dig some of his stuff

Keef said...

So you got the joke

Meiz said...

Not really.

El Padrino said...

He's callin you fag. Basically

Blue said...

Basically

tem said...

Ha

Keef said...

Mize always pretends to not get jokes when they're aimed at him

Meiz said...

Didn't know if it was intended to be a Sam Smith is gay, so you are too joke or something else. I still don't know what the intent was.

Besides, jokes are always funnier when you have to explain them.

Meiz said...

Anyway, that ass was FLAMES today.

Blue said...

Dat

Blue said...

I miss great asses at work

tem said...

we have a few here now. going to go look at one now.

Keef said...

not a schilling fan, but props to him

Meiz said...

Holy shit, I think supervisor is unloading responsibilities that were assigned to her on the new chick. Not sure if that's cool with me.

Keef said...

Delegation

Meiz said...

This ain't delegation. This is running a report that she is supposed to be solely responsible for. If new chick screws it up, supe will get roasted by management.

Meiz said...

To me, it's a sign that she's falling into the bad habits of not holding yourself accountable for your responsibilities. It's very common here, and I do not like it.

Keef said...

If she knows the consequences and trusts new chick to do
It, what's the issue you're not cool with?

Keef said...

To me, it's a sign that she's falling into the bad habits of not holding yourself accountable for your responsibilities. It's very common here, and I do not like it.



Accountability is an issue almost everywhere, I would guess.

Aitch said...

There he goes again, getting worked about shot that doesn't affect him.

Aitch said...

What's the over/under in the she that Meiz drops dead because of a stress related heart attack/stroke?

Aitch said...

I say 54 1/2

Meiz said...

I like that you think I'm worked up about it. We don't all have short fuses like you people out east.

Keef said...

Mize is not an angry person at all

Aitch said...

If you say so, Andrew

Jugdish said...

Mize is not an angry person at all


i don't get the joke

/mize

Keef said...

Ha

Keef said...

Fucking mize

Keef said...

Bold

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino