Monday, February 23, 2015

Is your diary running? You better go get it.

Back by my demand, live on tape delay, here is my attempt at some humor. Aitch probably won't be impressed. I'm no Dane Cook or Denis Leary. Sue me.
The red carpet show is currently on. I'm making fun of people. Weird. Cmk gave up talking bad about people for lent. What a waste. Right now they're showing Faith Hill and Tug McGraw. Or Tim. Whichever one wasn't the former pitcher. But I've never seen him without a hat so I didn't have any idea who it was.
Lady Gaga side boob. She's still gross.
Patricia Arquette looks like csil looked today when she dropped cmk off from the bachelorette party. Not. Good. She should brush her hair.
The guy who met my mother is opening up the show with a whitey joke. Now he's singing. I've lost interest already. Jeez, this is long. I think they mislabeled this and it's really the Tony awards.  
There's Nicole Kidman and her wife.
This first presenter is baa-lackkkk. Like, a lot. And she's wearing a white dress made of pearls or something. I think they call that contrast.
Best supporting actor goes to the Farmers Insurance guy. Good for him. Those commercials are good. Side note, I want to see Whiplash. Doogie made a funny, "he, won an Oscar, bum ba bum bum bum bum bum.
Side note, I don't want to see Grand Budapest Hotel. I'm not sure if I want to see American Sniper.
Adam Levine. FF
J-Lo always has to wear a dress cut down the middle to the waist. I don't like her or her small boobs. Costume award...FF
Reese Witherspoon and her 7-head is presenting the makeup and hairstyle award. Tem probably wouldn't, but I will...FF
Channing Tatum is so dreamy. He kind of looks like Sean Casey right now. That's not a compliment.
Nicole Kidman and a really black guy. I think they call that contrast. Best foreign film. FF
Side note, I want to see Boyhood. I also want to see The Theory of Everything. I want to see Birdman, like a lot.
Everything is awesome. Apparently. They should have told their song that.
Lisps drive me crazy. I don't know why. Do you know what else drives me crazy? Live action short films. FF
Documentary short subject sounds like an awful category. FF
Governor's award time. The nominees are Ahnold, Jesse the Body, and Jeb Bush. SWIDT?
Doogie is walking around in his underwear. Bilok is drooling.
Side note, I want to see Unbroken.
Jesus is presenting Best Supporting Actress. I thought he'd be too busy for this gig. And the winner mess Patricia. What is she talking about? She's as big of a mess inside as she is outside.
Anna Kendrick is cute enough. Not hot, but cute. Kevin Hart is just a little guy. Der. Best animated short film. FF
This Zoey chick is cute. Great rack. She's presenting best animated film with aThe Rock, or as he was introduced, Dwayne Johnson. Big Hero 6 wins. Not sure why Lego Movie wasn't nominated. It's not like it was a big year for animated movies.
Time to see who dies this year. Meryl Streep is presenting. She might be on next year's montage. I always feel bad for the people who don't get any applause.
Side note, I want to see The Imitation Game. I don't want to see Selma.
I said Keira Knightly kind of looks like Natalie Portman sometimes. Cmk was offended.
Jennifer Aniston is so hot. She'll be 80 years old and still be hot. But I'll be 70 so it won't sound as weird.
John Legend and Common singing some song about race. Unfortunately I'm caught up on the DVR.  That's racist. I might have said is before, but John Legend's wife is fugly. Can't believe she's an SI model.
Best song, Glory. Yay civil rights. Just lost all respect for John Legend. Get off your high zorse. Don't stand there and talk to me about there being more black men currently incarcerated in this country than there were enslaved on plantations in the 1800s. The fuck outta here with that drivel. Don't even make that comparison.
ScarJo, yes please, still.
Lady Gaga, no thank you, still. Girl can sing, though.
 Eddie Murphy is in the top 5 grossing actors of all time? Goddamn. I wonder how that's calculated. Like, does Shrek's earnings count towards his total? Or does it only count movies where you're the lead actor?
Side note, I want to see Foxcatcher.
Best director goes to Birdman director. Alejandro de Mexicano.
Best actor. I hope it's Mr. Mom. And the winner is, the dude who played Stephen Hawking. He just did the ice bucket challenge.
Best actress. Winner is, Julianne Moore. Fucking gingers. I've never even heard of the movie she's in.
Best picture, presented by Sean Penn. I remember when he was married to Madonna. The winner is Birdman.
Goodnight now!

Friday, February 06, 2015

Pity post

I was thinking about this the other day.  Suppose the Blazers dont fuck up and they draft Jordan.  Would Jordan have been as big of a superstar as he was in Chicago.  I mean I'm assuming he would have been the exact same player, but would he have been as big a star based in a small market?  Now he would have been in Nike's backyard, but would he have had the national draw for Nike to even notice him?  I mean would he have been Damien Lillard?  group text, discuss.

I've gone back and forth on the stupid call in the Super Bowl.  I saw an angle that showed how open lockette was when Wilson started his throwing motion.  I've come to this, it wasn't that bad of a call, but an all time play by butler.  Now, that being said, the likelihood of butler making an all time great play is higher than anyone making a similar type of play on a running play.  This has been beat to death, but I don't think Bevell ever gets a HC opportunity now.  I also believe that Carroll didn't want to deal with having to pay or cut the Super Bowl MVP in the offseason if Marshawn would have won it.

Marshawn lynch and Gronk playing Mortal Kombat on Conan was must see.

Wonder what Aaron Hernandez is up to these days.

Is it just me or are most of the pats great players white?  So Seahawks vs Pats was like black guys vs white dudes?

Apparently you don't fuck with Jordan (the country)

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino