Friday, August 29, 2014

NFL Preview - Mad Busy Yo Version

NFC East
Philly by default because I'm officially worried about Elisha Norman Manning. RGIII sucks. Dallas sucks. You all know this already. It's Giants and Philly. We'll see. Fucking Bob McAdoo confusing the Eli. Fucker. Philly's defense is awful by the way. Under the radar story there. Even if they win the division they won't win shit in January with that sloppy ass D.

Philly 10-6
Giants 9-7
Skins 8-8 (Go back to my previews, like 80% of the time I have the skins at 8-8, so annoying right)
Boys 6-10 (Garrett fiiiiirrrrrreed)

NFC North
My favorite division to watch this year. Is it me or is this a stacked offensive division. No more NORRIS division defensive matches. This is balls to the wall air it out. Cutler with two, count em - TWO thousand yard receivers and Forte coming off a career year. Cutty gonna ball this year. BALL. I'm big on the Bears, this Trestman might be a genius. Rodgers is Rodgers. McCarthy is aloof I think. At times. And their defense still is shaky. Play Bridgewater man. Cmon. The Lions with offensive firepower too. I think they should slow it down a bit, feature Joique Bell and throw it early to Golden Tate who should open up the field a bit, a hair for Calvin......Ebron sucks. Waste of a pick. They needed a corner.

Bears 11-5
Packers 10-6
Detroit 8-8
Vikings 6-10

NFC West
STACKED. Bradofrd going down took some win out of the NFC West is the best division sails argument. Again Niners outside looking in. But they will still hurt people. Carlos Hyde might save their season. I still am sour on Kapernick. He's pocket passing, I just don't know. Seahawks are loaded. 12 wins all day. Arizona is much improved. Arians is gold. Ellington is going to have a monster year. Floyd is already BETTER than Fitz. Poor Rams. They seemed like they were ready to turn the corner.

Hawks 12-4
Arizona 11-5
49ers 9-7
Rams 7-9

NFC South
Hard Knocks is so boring. The Falcons might have the worst defense in the league. Bryan Cox is fucking hilarious though. Mike Smith's mandals are depressing. Carolina regresses, it's science. The Saints run away with this one. I got nothing on the Bucs.

Saints 13-3
Carolina 9-7
Falcons 8-8
Bucs 7-9

Division winners - Philly, Bears, Saints (bye), Hawks (bye)
Wild Card - Arizona, Packers
Wild Card Round - Bears over Packers (38-34), Arizona over Philly (41-31)
Divisional Weekend - Hawks over Bears (30-18), Saints over Arizona (44-35)
Championship Sunday (best weekend of footyball) - Saints over Hawks (24-17)

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AFC East
So unfair the division stay shitty for all of Brady's life. So unfair. The Bills are trash. The Dolphins are confusing. The JETS are actually good until you watch Geno Smith play for more than 5 series. So tired of penciling them in. Seriously.

Pats 11-5
JETS 9-7
Dolphins 8-8 (Philbin fired, Ireland fired)
Bills 3-13

AFC North
Pretty good division here. Really like the Bengals this year. Like really. Totally unrelated but I have to watch the Beyonce VMA performance after this. She's incredible. Any chance the Steelers tuned out Mike Tomlin? I just dont vibe on the Steelers. Poor Cleveland. They'll be yelling for Manziel by week 3.

Bengals 12-4
Ravens 10-6
Steelers 7-9
Cleveland 5-11

AFC West
Fucking Chargers. Any other year they win this thing but Manning man. Gase will be a head coach this time next year. I really like the Chargers. No shot the Cheifs run out to the same start as last year. If MJD plays well watch out for Oakland. Two headed monster running attack with a limited DMC/MJD. I'd start Carr. Fucking nuts I know but Schaub aint the answer.

Broncos 13-3
Chargers 11-5
Oakland 9-7
Cheifs 8-8

AFC South
I'll tell you what. I fucking like the Jags to make some fucking noise this year. Fuck yeah I do. Fuck yeah. Jacksonville baby. Eat a dick. Unrelated but Melissa McCarthy is fucking highlarryus in The Heat. Totally hilarious. Totes mcgoats. Anyway about Bill Bradley. Too bad they don't have a QB. Colts? Eh. I happen to think Pagano is overrated. Nothing to do with the Lukemia thing. Bravo to him. But they have Luck. Better them than anyone else. QB league. Denver waxes them on Sunday night though. Titans suck.

Colts 10-6
Jags (yup Eat it) 9-7
Texans 7-9
Titans 5-11

Division winners : Broncos (bye), Bengals (bye) Pats, Colts
Wild Card : Chargers, Ravens
Wild Card rounds : Chargers over Pats, Ravens over Colts
Divisional Weekend : Broncos over Ravens, Bengals over Chargers
Championship Sunday : Broncos over Bengals

Super Bowl : Redemption is spelled B-R-O-N-C-O-S. Broncs over Saints 44-38

Very exciting Super Bowl.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Gems

I got to start working on my NFL preview. Right now all I truly know is the Cowboys will suck again. Show signs of not sucking then suck on National TV in heartbreaking Cowboy fashion and it will be awesome. And people will be fired. Also I'm on that "49ers will not make playoffs" bandwagon so jump off if you think i'm a mush. Few reasons, NFC West is now stacked, the backup to Kapernick is shit and they will need it and some injuries on defense. Also the GM hates Harbaugh's guts cuz he's a fucking maniac.

This insane amount of money pouring into the ALS foundation, few questions. How expensive is research? And that is just a general question. Because probably about a trillion dollars have been donated to all kinds of diseases, AIDS, cancer, heart disease, etc. Are diseases the one thing in this world that we can't throw money at to go away? Conspiracy theorists say they will never find a cure to keep the drug companies and network of specialists profitable. That is one conspiracy I could buy into, I don't but it's not out of this world. When greed is involved anything is possible.

Sometimes the inside part of a pretzel smells like fish skin.

Check the Emmys nominations, proves out my tv watching habits. Network TV just ain't good, cable dominates the landscape. Better writing.

Goldschlager must be pissed that Fireball is taking over the markets.

I think a Top Chef threesome of me Padma and Gail Simmons would be cool. Like first a fancy dinner, some champagne. Then a fancy hotel with a comfy bed, maybe some toys.

Putin better leave McDonald's alone.

Speaking of, Meiz you meant McDonald's regular ass hamburger right? Because their premium menu burgers are good, some very good. Further I noticed McDonald's has decided to play one of thier aces in the hole I always talked about. Grocery store coffee. CHA CHING.

I'm surprised there aren't more corporation espionage movies out there or more popular. Maybe there isn't enough action? Michael Clayton was the last good one I thought. Even though that was like a law firm type deal. They use coporate espionage as it's own twist within a movie they need to make some movies cenetered around it. Happens all day everyday. All espionage is cool. National security, corporate interests, political (what makes House of Cards so good). The word of the day is Espionage.

Stop trying to get me to give a fuck about the FIBA basketball tournament. Lick my balls. Wake me up when we hit the beaches of Rio.

When Hulk Hogan dies I'm going to his funeral.

Think this : teenage boys spank banks are so much better than ours were

Rob Dyrdek is 40. Carry on.

Gravity is ridick* on a nice big tv.

F-M-L- Nicky Minaj, Iggy Azela, Ariana Grande
Go.





Friday, August 15, 2014

Weekly dive into the mind of El Padrino

When I drink a ice cold beer, espeacially one that I have been craving all day, I think to myself, man can life get any better?

Jim Abbott is fucking awesome. Random thought but dude pitched in the major leagues with no right hand.

I'm such a wussbag now I can't get through an episode of Real Sports without losing it during one of their segments.

Kobe is #4 on the all time scoring list? Holy fucks. I spaced on that one.

T minus 2 weeks until my cousins wedding, the baby of the family, and still no speech written by me yet.

FOOTBALL

I fucking hate play doh

American Beauty is so weirdly exceptional.

So instead of donating money to find a cure people just dump a bucket of ice on themselves? Instead of paying taxes can we just do that too?

Oh when we talk about blowjobs are we talking like, from start to finish or does any amount of time with our collective cock in our respective wives mouth count?

I had a corporate culture meeting today and totally had shit on my mind to say but didn't. Not smat*. Just figured once I started I wouldn't be able to stop so I held it in.

These Chip Kelly is a god articles have to stop.

Have no clue what happened on that race track last week but it seems like getting out of your car while cars are racing by you is a good way to get hurt.

Friday, August 08, 2014

Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck Wit

You know who loves that Dalton deal? Big Ben Raplisberger. He gonna cash that check soon.
Another year of football another year of fantasy football torture.

So Russia is basically starving it's own people by banning U.S. food. Good look. Hope everyone likes potatoes.

Hawaii is getting double teamed.

WAYYYYY to much Ninja Turtle talk. It's just a movie you guys.

Tulo talk:
sick and tired of losing = wants traded
but they won some while he was there no? wasnt he part of two incredible september runs, one resulting in a pennant and a world series appearance? More than some superstars.

Baseball so humbling. Prodigy like Harper just scuffling like never before. Baseball is the hardest sport to play in my opinion. You fail 7 out of 10 times and are still considered a great hitter. Couple that with having to have decent range at your position or throwing a fastball that doesnt get hit.

If anyone says Golf I will donkey punch you on sight. Golf isn't even a spurt* COLOV nigga.

Gelato >>>>>>> Ice cream

The news is pretty fucking sad, sadder than usual I'd say. ISIS, Ebola, Ukraine, missing planes, John Kerry, African leaders at white house, Gaza, Israel, jesus christ man.

Anything else you guys wanna talk about during the week? Let me know I'll write a post about whatever you want.



Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino