Friday, September 19, 2014

El Pad's Weekly Betting Not Advice

Uncle Ron quit cuz he cheated on his wife? Seems weird.
The market likes that Scotland stayed with the U.K.
If you stand in line for an iPhone you are retarded.
Fucking Alibaba
I say make Neo the new Cheif of Oracle now that Ellison is retiring.
J Lo is the OG of butts. Ok. OG. Hail to the queen.
Butts are so hot right now.
Pandora finally got around to playing "Round Here" by the Counting Crows on my "Campfire" playlist. Every fucking Crows song but that they played. Assholes.
Bruno Mars sketch in SNL where he was the Pandora voice during outages was tremendous.
Wish Buddy Holly never died. I bet he would have put out some incredible stuff had he lived past his 22nd birthday. Like why did we get 30 years of Waylon Jennings and not 30 years of Buddy Holly?

"Neil Patrick Harris And David Burtka Reenacted The Meatball Scene From ‘Lady And The Tramp’"
That headline made me throw up in my mouth a bit.

Week 3
11-20

BUFFALO -2.5 over Chargers
I went from thinking the Bills were a doormat to thinking they are a playoff team in three weeks. There is no NFL barometer. It's all hocus pocus. This just in : Rivers wife is pregnant. $50 says when Rivers retires they have a reality show on TV with all thier kids on like the Lifetime channel. A new "Phillip & The Christians" tonight 9pm only on Lifetime.

Dallas -1 over RAMS
Rams looked better. Dallas looked better. Although didn't it seem like the Titans kind of played shitty like not from a result of the Cowboys playing well? I don't know they had like 6 FG's. Either way the Rams seem on track for a 4-12 season which I would assume would put Fisher in the hot seat. I know he's been leveled with injuries, specifically, Bradford but maybe employing a decent backup would have been smat*? Like a strong veteran or TEEEEBOOOOOWWWWW. And just smashmouth run the ball 70% of the time and play D.

PHILLY -6.5 over Redskins
If Philly can start a game like they end them they'd be dominant. Formula seems to be they rely on that 4th quarter energy to score points. The Eagles make love then fuck. You know what I mean?

GIANTS +2 over Texans
Foster looks teriffic by the way but alot of people look good vs. the Raiders. This game is going to be a mess but I think the G-men get on the board here.

SAINTS -10.5 over Vikings
Remember when the Saints had to deal with all those distractions from Bountygate? Saints get right on their carpet.

Titans +7 over BENGALS
Titans are one of the few teams that match up with the Bengals in the trenches. Which is the Bengals strong suit. Hobbled A.J. Green, bye next week, Burfict out - forget the 7 I think the Titans get a road dog win.

Baltimore -1.5 over BROWNS
If anyone knows the whereabouts of Torrey Smith please contact Joe Flacco and Gary Kubiak at 410-266-2012. $500 reward.

DETROIT -2.5 over Green Bay
I think it's clear to us all that the Lions are better than the Packers. Especially at home. Is Caldwell the guy to push all the right buttons? The Lions won't see a defense like the Panthers the rest of the year. So chalk up last weeks struggles to the Panthers stout defense.

Indy -7.5 over JAX
If there is a lock of the year that wasn't the week one lock of the year it's this one. Just trust me. MORTGAGE ME!

PATS -14 over Raiders
No comment.

San Fran -3 over ARIZONA
I mean I'd need at least a TD to side with Drew fucking Stanton. The Giants self-destructed last week. Stanton was awful to slightly less awful at best. Who heads butt a woman?

Denver +5 over SEATTLE
Give me those Peyton Manning seeking revenge points!!! I got $100 that says Peyton practiced this whole week using 747 engine turbines to mimic the decibel level in Seattle. Welker back. Even he doesn't catch a ball he will make a difference. How is this game not on primetime either Sunday or Monday night? Jets-Bears / Carolina-Pittsburgh?

Cheifs +4 over FINS
When in doubt take the points. Both teams scuffling.

CAROLINA -2 over Burgh
Dat D.

JETS -2.5 over Bears
Aren't the Bears shitty vs. the run? Isn't the run the Jets strongest look?

217 comments:

1 – 200 of 217   Newer›   Newest»
tem said...

tits

tem said...

still can't believe how inept the Bucs are. just really sad.

Keef said...

Pandora finally got around to playing "Round Here" by the Counting Crows on my "Campfire" playlist



By far the best CC song

El Padrino said...

Somebody forgot to tell Pandora that.

Blue said...

did you thumbs up?

Keef said...

reported in gooddell presser mentioned slippery slope


I'm guessing they didn't give me credit

/Aitch

The Meiz said...

"still can't believe how inept the Bucs are. just really sad."

At least VJax got me a TD

Keef said...

"Get it right" is to the NFL as "slippery slope" is to Aitch

Keef said...

Exactly

The Meiz said...

Even as the commish, I am the shit talking king in my $FNFL. Out here throwing insults like no other.

El Padrino said...

I was wondering how many ice cream bars are in your freezer chest.

El Padrino said...

Herbstreit just said the Jameis suspension was a "slippery slope"

Keef said...

21/24

Keef said...

How fucking stupid is Jameis Winston

Keef said...

19/22

Keef said...

awful

The Meiz said...

pretty sure I broke my shoulder last night. walk in clinic opens at 10

The Meiz said...

I was wondering how many ice cream bars are in your freezer chest.



24

El Padrino said...

Well is it broken? You don't have hospitals in Cedarburg? Your a psycho

Keef said...

Former Tennessee Titans kicker Rob Bironas died Saturday night after a car accident near his home, according to police.

The Meiz said...

Clavical fracture and clavical/scapula separation. NBD. Had to go to the ER in Mequon.

We have a hospital in Grafton, but my insurance doesn't cover Aurora units.

The Meiz said...

Soooooo, those Rams/Cowboys picks...

Yeesh

Aitch said...

How did you do that, Meiz?

Keef said...

Starburst flavored candy corn sounds awful

Aitch said...

Agreed

The Meiz said...

"How did you do that, Meiz?"

Bonfire football. I made the TD saving tackle. NOT WORTH IT.

Keef said...

You never know. It might get you a contract extension

Jugdish said...

I made the TD saving tackle. 


Sounds like an Lp story

El Padrino said...

Some D the Panthers got. Wft

tem said...

BEAST

Keef said...

17/30

The Meiz said...

I bailed on work. Had to come home. Too much pain, and hollering. Not suitable for work.

The Meiz said...

"Sounds like an Lp story"

You missed the part where I said it was NOT worth it.

El Padrino said...

No pain. No gain.
No guts. No glory.

El Padrino said...

Am I the only one who is waiting for more bad news to come out about the NFL?

El Padrino said...

There was another nude leak? The fuck man I miss all the good shit

tem said...

who was the nude leak this time?

The Meiz said...

"There was another nude leak? The fuck man I miss all the good shit"

NFW, if I didn't see it

The Meiz said...

New season of Mick Dodge next Tuesday. I enjoy that show.

tem said...

Mick Dodge?

The Meiz said...

"No pain. No gain.
No guts. No glory."

I know it, man. I tried. I really did. I could see that I would have certainly been a distraction if I had stayed all day.

The Meiz said...

My buddy's girlfriend is so fucking good looking. She's only 20. I just needed to say that.

He's like 23-24.

ToddPacker said...

RIP Eric the Actor

The Meiz said...

"Mick Dodge?"

Hell yeah.

And no, I'm not an idiot that thinks a reality show is reality. I watch them all as though they're written sitcoms & such.

The Legend Of Mick Dodge

The Meiz said...

"RIP Eric the Actor"

Never heard of him before this

tem said...

"My buddy's girlfriend is so fucking good looking"

really? I heard there are chicks like that everywhere.

tem said...

no idea what Eric the Actor is.

is it a person? a TV show? a band? I don't know

tem said...

fucking UFC and not showing highlights of that hunt KO.

Keef said...

Why are you hanging out with a 23 year old

Keef said...

Hunt knockout

ToddPacker said...

"is it a person? a TV show? a band? I don't know"

stern show guy

Keef said...

Is Howard Stern still a thing, radio-wise? I thought he was just on that "talent" show on tv

NS

ToddPacker said...

stern radio show is still on. during America's got Talent he only does a live show on Monday and Tuesday, rest of the week is replays

Keef said...

Gotcha

ToddPacker said...

stern radio show has not been the same since Artie Lange left the show

tem said...

so UFC doesn't shut down the youtube ones?

I was looking at espn and yahoo and mmaweekly for highlights and theirs all cut out the KO

The Meiz said...

"Why are you hanging out with a 23 year old"

He's my friend's little brother. Come to think of it, I think he's 25. Either way, it doesn't matter. I ran into them at Wine & Harvest Festival.

tem said...

21-22

The Meiz said...

Am I the only one here who has friends in their 20s and in their 40s?

tem said...

24-24

tem said...

"Am I the only one here who has friends in their 20s and in their 40s?"

no.

although I can't think of any that I have that are sub 24. I don't have friends that are college aged, but I have some that are 1 or 2 years out of college.

Keef said...

I have some friends at work who are 28-29. Some of my regular friends are 40-42. Most are 30s

Keef said...

I have bingo friends who are 68

/Todd

Keef said...

so UFC doesn't shut down the youtube ones


Sometimes they're hard to find on YouTube

tem said...

I C

The Meiz said...

I am going to find out if I am smarter than a college student. I will probably run out of time.

The Meiz said...

15/30

That was a rough one.

Keef said...

Ike Taylor injury was gross

Keef said...

Taking tomorrow and Wednesday off to go camping up north. Gonna rent a boat up there for 1/2 day and troll for some rainbow trout

tem said...

20-30

tem said...

mid week camping trip?

seems odd to not have it mon-tues or thurs-fri.

El Padrino said...

Lol Tulloch

El Padrino said...

I have a friend in his 80's.

Hi TP

Keef said...

mid week camping trip?

seems odd to not have it mon-tues or thurs-fri.



Yeah. My buddy has this week off, so we decided to make it midweek so there would be fewer people up there, and it's easier for me to get Tues-Wed than it is to get Mon-Tues off

tem said...

cards niners fan brawl is a good video

tem said...

some dude is choking out a security guard until he gets dropped by a dude in a dockett jersey.

tem said...

http://www.sbnation.com/lookit/2014/9/22/6827155/49ers-cardinals-fans-brawl-stadium

tem said...

I forget how to link

Keef said...

I like how the chola in the Crabtree jersey is throwing haymakers but I'm sure she would be the first bitch yelling "you don't hit a woman" if someone threw at her

El Padrino said...

Someone should have dropped her ass.

The Meiz said...

"I like how the chola in the Crabtree jersey is throwing haymakers but I'm sure she would be the first bitch yelling "you don't hit a woman" if someone threw at her"


THAT'S WHAT I'M SAYING

tem said...

if you hit a chick while wearing a jersey that player gets in trouble and put on the list. slippery slope.

The Meiz said...

Punch that bitch's lights out

tem said...

I hope SAS gets to comment on this video.

he'll call that lady out and then get suspended again.

Keef said...

if you hit a chick while wearing a jersey that player gets in trouble and put on the list. slippery slope.



Hahahahaha

tem said...

also would be hilarity if a UFC fighter came out in a Ray Rice jersey for a fight.


would be in the news for a week.


I could see a Diaz brother doing it.

tem said...

or mayweather...not ufc but probably better.

The Meiz said...

My shoulder fucking hurts, guys

Keef said...

Did you call the whambulance?

tem said...

they didn't give you rockin' pain killers?

El Padrino said...

You think there is any appetite for a fantasy football game or league where you get an opportunity to swap out a player that played (forfeiting their point total) for a player going later that night on Sunday or Monday?

Is there sometbing Iike that already. I'd do that. Like if I'm down 16 and have no one left. And he has no one left and I have ivory on my bench and joique bell scored 4 points in this league I could replace bell with Ivory and hope for 21 points for the win.

Mulligan fantasy reasons....

tem said...

I doubt any of the websites have that function but somewhere out there a league probably lets you do that.

Keef said...

Some leagues score everyone, no bench players, and lowest scores drop off.

El Padrino said...

That Ray Lewis is hilariously retarded

The Meiz said...

"they didn't give you rockin' pain killers?"

Eh, Vicodin. It's never done much for me.

The Meiz said...

I have a stupid tolerance for pain.

The Meiz said...

El Pad, I was just thinking about that Fantasy idea earlier. My thought was bench a guy while/after he's playing, and plug another in. One a week.

Keef said...

I like that idea


/Lovie Smiff

El Padrino said...

I dont know meiz. Once you start imposing limits... let's just say that's a slippery slope

tem said...

Lol

Keef said...

21/25

Keef said...

I have a stupid tolerance for pain.


Stupid high or stupid low?

El Padrino said...

Another fantasy idea ibhad.

No kickers. Instead you get 3 points for each fg made for def/special teams....no matter the distance. If you want to add a bonus for 50+ fine.

Keef said...

Minus well add the punter into the mix

El Padrino said...

Minas well

Aitch said...

Wait, so was there another leak or not?

Keef said...

The thirst

/mize

tem said...

Yahoo! Says yes another leak

tem said...

Big bang chick apparently one of them

Jugdish said...

Ravens owner discussing the ray rice tape with his staff

Jugdish said...

my contract is up with DTV, so I called them yesterday to see if I could extend my contract and get the sunday ticket for free. they extended me one year, gave the the ticket for free, took $25 off my bill per month for the next year, and gave me showtime for free for the next year.


suite

tem said...

I'm pissed that they dropped red zone channel from sunday ticket.

last year I got red zone channel this year I don't. something about needed sunday ticket MAX. wtf is that? seems like they want me to pay $30 to get red zone. fuck Direct TV.

tem said...

good morning so far

Keef said...

I have century link, looks like I can order red zone for the year for $60. I didn't do it because my buddy has Sunday ticket so I just go over there

tem said...

he must have sunday ticket MAX

The Meiz said...

Stupid high or stupid low?


High

Jugdish said...

that sounds like an Lp claim

El Padrino said...

Maybe LP speaks the truth.

tem said...

I have a high pain tolerance except for when it comes to temperature hot.

I get burned easily. Well I don't get burned, but shit that other people think is just warm I think it is burning hot.

The Meiz said...

I've been missing out on $5 BMT all month! WFT, Mize??

The Meiz said...

"I have a high pain tolerance except for when it comes to temperature hot.

I get burned easily. Well I don't get burned, but shit that other people think is just warm I think it is burning hot."

THIS. This is me. I HATE hot water.

tem said...

exactly, hot water is my arch nemesis.

Blue said...

Random observation of the day

Women in Minneapolis have bigger breasts

Blue said...

I sat next to a guy at dinner that could have been Kod, but he ordered a Chardonnay instead of coors light so I knew it wasn't him

The Meiz said...

"exactly, hot water is my arch nemesis."

You should see me drink coffee or hot chocolate.

Jugdish said...

why would you drink coffee or hot chocolate if you hate hot stuff so much?

tem said...

you wait for it to cool down and get laughed at by the people you are dining with.

I don't like coffee anyway so it works out.

Aitch said...

Avril Lavigne... just sayin.

Blue said...

yeah, the AV pics were quality

The Meiz said...

I feel that my dumb shoulder sling puts too much pressure on my shoulder.

tem said...

Didn't see AV pics. Saw cuoco. Nice.

tem said...

Pressure is the point right?

The Meiz said...

"why would you drink coffee or hot chocolate if you hate hot stuff so much?"

Because I like how they taste?

El Padrino said...

Dammit

Blue said...

AvV had really perky tits,

Blue said...

How come that frappening guy can't hack Katy perry or the hot chick that works for us in LA

Blue said...

I like to read through EPs picks after the games. How do you feel about the titans as road dogs now?

Blue said...

Why why can't the new chief of Oracle be Atreyu? #neverendingstoryisbetterthanmatrix

El Padrino said...

TP

HBO now

El Padrino said...

I don't feel so good about the Titans blue.

That make you feel happy?

Aitch said...

Happy Wednesday, bitches

ToddPacker said...

"TP

HBO now"


I'll pass

El Padrino said...

Ha. They never really said what was wrong with him. I'm pretty sure that's a anxiety attack.

Hate fuck his 21 year old daughter to get revenge

Blue said...

He had anxiety because he knew he was cheating and eventually would have got caught

tem said...

ron Washington right?

is cheating better than doing cocaine again?


maybe he chose the lesser evil.

Blue said...

I always laugh at dudes wearing full suits on airplanes. I'm in shorts and a tshirt.

Blue said...

They all seem so important and rich, but they all have cheap suits

tem said...

even ones in nice suits are funny.

suits on a plane or not comfortable. shorts and a t-shirt on a plane are not comfortable either I guess. planes just aren't comfortable.

tem said...

I like the ones that are always trying to make that business call right before takeoff and make another one the second the wheels touch down.

guy/girl is so important to their company that they can't waste 1 second not being on the phone telling someone else their thoughts.

The Meiz said...

I don't think I'm going to work at all this week. Everything I do hurts.

Blue said...

At least take your tie off man

El Padrino said...

Yeah take the tie off stow the jacket

El Padrino said...

I don't think I'm going to work at all this week. Everything I do hurts


Doesn't sound like a high tolerance meiz

Aitch said...

I can't bust Meiz's balls on that one. That's a sucky injury.

The Meiz said...

"Doesn't sound like a high tolerance meiz"

I've been told by an RN that this is one of the most painful breaks you can have. Shit is no joke. It's hard to get into and out of bed.

Jugdish said...

I've been told by an RN that this is one of the most painful breaks you can have.


she told you that between your sobs to make you feel better


s

Jugdish said...

what's the recovery time?

Keef said...

I've been told by an RN that this is one of the most painful breaks you can have



Do you really think the RN is going to tell you to stop being a baby?

Jugdish said...

she called him a wussbag to the other RNs


s

Jugdish said...

mize at the hospital

Keef said...

Sunday: Clavical fracture and clavical/scapula separation. NBD



Today: ahhhh it hurts so bad! I can't move!

The Meiz said...

"what's the recovery time?"

allegedly 6-8 weeks. I hope I miraculously feel better by the weekend some time.

The Meiz said...

"Today: ahhhh it hurts so bad! I can't move!"

Yep. Way underestimated it.

tem said...

maybe take some of those pills

The Meiz said...

I am. Vicodin has historically not done much for me.

tem said...

maybe tell the doc that and get some percs?

Jugdish said...

Grand jury declines to indict NASCAR's Tony Stewart

Jugdish said...

Tantillo also said Ward was under the influence of marijuana that night "enough to impair judgment."



I did not know that

The Meiz said...

I'm about to try to change my fish's water one-handed. Pray for my carpet.

The Meiz said...

Tantillo also said Ward was under the influence of marijuana that night "enough to impair judgment."



Woah.

The Meiz said...

"maybe tell the doc that and get some percs?"


I'm not going to delve into the short-term disability world.

Jugdish said...

no percs in the short term disability world?

The Meiz said...

I'd have to stay out of work longer

The Meiz said...

I should be able to man up by Monday

Jugdish said...

darko


reminds me of that friends episode where favreau wanted to be the ultimate fighter.

El Padrino said...

This Beyonce concert on HBO is giving me a mad boner

Blue said...

El tardo suspended for 3 weeks by ESPN

Jugdish said...

maybe we can get him to post here for the next three weeks

Jugdish said...

simmons rant

tem said...

"I'm not going to delve into the short-term disability world"

percs mean short-term disability?

tem said...

"El tardo suspended for 3 weeks by ESPN"

HA. Dumbass. Dared ESPN to suspend him. WTF did he think was going to happen?

Jugdish said...

I wonder if he is on the commissioners exempt list for espn.

Jugdish said...

silly The same kids probably go home and play call of duty, or whatever the latest shooter game is.

Jugdish said...

NYC mayor

Jugdish said...

The paper reported Thursday that the zoo pulls in $3.5 million a year from the city. The staff was reportedly told by the zoo to avoid telling the mayor's office. The zoo went with the story that the animal died from natural causes.



good call

/roger goodell

tem said...

fucking NYC has groundhogs in their zoo?

I guess NYC is too much parking lot.

a groundhog in the zoo here would be like having a fucking pigeon in the zoo or a chipmunk.

tem said...

el tardo suspension means tons of free publicity for el tardo and ESPN. literally thousands (hundreds of thousands?) of people who never heard of simmons will hear of him now.

wouldn't be shocked if it was all planned.

Keef said...

Did you guys hear that Jeter is retiring?

El Padrino said...

I saw that

Jugdish said...

konerko too

Keef said...

I played against Konerko in hike school, so him retiring makes me feel old

The Meiz said...

"Did you guys hear that Jeter is retiring?"

Who?

Jugdish said...

I played against Konerko in hike school, so him retiring makes me feel old



sounds like an Lp claim



s

tem said...

I played against Curtis Enis. He was a good pro right?

Jugdish said...

I think he works at tire world now

Aitch said...

My friend is Konerko's cousin. I met him after a game last year. Super nice guy.

tem said...

your friend is nice?

Keef said...

What's he doing hanging out with you

Keef said...

Block

Keef said...

Bold

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