Friday, September 26, 2014

El Pad's weekly betting column

F-22's are awesome. I want one. I like the balls our Obama sprouted the other day.
Joe Philbin is a terrible head coach.
Is it me or does Ron Rivera had a fucked up eye?
Halloween shit everywhere.
MALLOMARS. DET.
Fall weather is the best. . (period) .
What the fuck is Mike Martz up to.
Taking the wife to D.C. for a weekend away from life.
DC City Center thing looks nice.
Georgetown is lovely.
News cycle blows by so fast did they find that fucking plane yet?
Simmons biting the hand that feeds him.....

PICK ME.

18-28

Packers -1.5 over BEARS
Relax everyone, just relax. Olivia Munn's muff has nothing to do with my shitty play. Blame McCarthy. He hasn't had snatch in 12 years. - Rodgers (mustache emoji)

Buffalo +3 over HOUSTON
So much for that feel good Buffalo vibe. Good vibrations stop real quick when you get manhandled at home. Thing is the Chargers are pretty fucking good. At least right now they are. These teams are fairly even so I'll side with the FG.

Titans +7.5 over COLTS
Playing Jacksonville solves problems. I don't what happened to the Titans last week. They pulled a Bucs. I see this being closer than the experts think.

Carolina +3 over BALTIMORE
When the NFL zigs. You zag. That means I have no fucking clue.

JETS -1 over Detroit
All that offense and besides smacking the Giants around the Lions have not looked explosive. Vick please.

STEELERS -7.5 over Bucs
Though I think the Bucs will play better. I can't take them right now.

Miami -3.5 over RAIDERS
Tannyhill gonna rip the Raiders a new one. In foggy London town. Save his job. For a week. Hope Justin Tuck likes playing with his extra 2MM in cash while he miserably loses 12 games a year until he retires.

SD -14 over Jax
This line could be 21 and I'd not consider Jacksonville. Although........BORTLES!

Atl -3 over BRIDGEWATERS!
I hope Teddy razzles and dazzles.

Philly +4.5 over NINERS
San Fran just ain't right. We all called it. We're all right.

New Orleans -3 over DALLAS
Saints gonna drop nutsacks on Dallas.

KC +3 over Pats
Home dog on Monday night? Yes please. FYI Brady looks sort of ordinary. Push the button?

225 comments:

1 – 200 of 225   Newer›   Newest»
Jugdish said...

Halloween shit everywhere.


Christmas stuff is out here too

Jugdish said...

18-28

Packers -1.5 over BEARS




suite

Jugdish said...

can't believe cruz didn't get in the end zone once yesterday (with the ball)


#fantasyreasons

El Padrino said...

Not normal

El Padrino said...

19-28 now

In your face

tem said...

it is normal for him to not score.

he's scored like once in his past 12 games.

tem said...

that redskins D was a good pick up for me.

s

tem said...

UFC Gina Carano talk is getting old. Look, the last time she fought she got her ass kicked. She has no desire to do that again when she can make more money "starring" in shitty movies.




El Padrino said...

Fucking Jeter

Jugdish said...

the Caliendo as Barkley making picks with Barkley on mike and mike was pretty good this morning.

El Padrino said...

http://m.sportsbusinessdaily.com/Daily/Morning-Buzz/2014/09/26/Bill-Simmons.aspx?

Keef said...

Lazy

Jugdish said...

http://m.sportsbusinessdaily.com/Daily/Morning-Buzz/2014/09/26/Bill-Simmons.aspx?


good question

tem said...

very informative article.

so much great information.

El Padrino said...

Don't know how to link on phony

Keef said...

Same way you link on computery

tem said...

I think I might get the fights tomorrow.

I like that cowboy cerrone guy

tem said...

which means he is guaranteed to lose

Blue said...

Stuck in Chicago because some moron slit his wrists and set the FAA on fire

Blue said...

I've bee to wrigley already, what else is fun to do? Where should I get pizza?

Keef said...

Lou Malnatis

tem said...

go see the silver bean thing

tem said...

UFC picks:

mighty mouse by whatever way he wants to win whenever he wants to win.

alvarez by decision

the not kennedy guy by being huge and being huge

the 0 loss chick

McGregor by needs to win to keep up ufc hype

Cruz by needs to win so he can get hurt training for his next fight.

Masvidal by I don't care about this fight.

Cote loses by doesn't try anymore.

Howard by being blacker than the other guy, I think.

Tuck by I've never heard of either fighter.

Gibson by the other guy is washed up but needs a win so maybe Gibson is a pushover because he doesn't even have a wiki page but he'll get one after this win.

The Meiz said...

Man, there isn't shit on tv

Keef said...

FIFA

tem said...

That's why people dvr stuff

The Meiz said...

Some of the funniest stuff on twitter is when a black person drops an e-r N word on another black person. That shit looks like it hurts so bad.

Blue said...

Is this giordanos any good

The Meiz said...

Yes

The Meiz said...

It's a chain though

The Meiz said...

Enjoy your casserole

/LP

tem said...

E-r n word?

The Meiz said...

Yes. Instead of nigga

Keef said...

C'mon tem

Keef said...

Dude in my $ league dropped Vincent Jackson and Doug Martin this week. I have the #4 waiver pickup, hoping to get Bo first. Then hoping that noone puts in a claim for Martin.

Blue said...

Muscle hamster is worthless

The Meiz said...

"Dude in my $ league dropped Vincent Jackson and Doug Martin this week. I have the #4 waiver pickup, hoping to get Bo first. Then hoping that noone puts in a claim for Martin."


VJax gotta be gone

Blue said...

I thinkChicago might be stuck in the 80s

At a bar and just heard "that's what friends are for" followed by the Golden Girls theme "thank you for being a friend

The Meiz said...

Where ya at?

tem said...

I thought he meant the er started the word. I knew the n part but could not figure out the er beginning.

Keef said...

Jax gotta be gone


You don't say that

The Meiz said...

Oktoberfest at 5:00. Liters of german beer like what.

Keef said...

It's raining like a boss right now

Aitch said...

Looks like your boys pulled one out of their ass, Tem.

The Meiz said...

Had to make a moral decision Saturday night. Good job, me, I guess.

The Meiz said...

I'm so washed

tem said...

1) H, they sure did. 2) meiz, more details re:moral decision

El Padrino said...

I have no handle on the NFL

No clue. There are no trends. No continuity.

tem said...

sounds like you do have a handle on it.

Keef said...

Tampa is easy. Glennon >>>>>>>>>>> McCown

The Meiz said...

"2) meiz, more details re:moral decision"

Oktoberfest, married chick visiting from Florida, hand on my thigh under my shorts, offered to share the bed at our friend's house. I decided I should take my happy ass home.

tem said...

"Glennon >>>>>>>>>>> McCown"


not enough >s

tem said...

meiz is a good kid

Keef said...

Good for Mize

Ns

ToddPacker said...

"meiz is a good kid"

^^^^^^^^^

El Padrino said...

I would have mollywopped her. Thats her moral decision not yours.

Keef said...

Dolt

Aitch said...

Two to tango, EP.

Well done, Meiz. Sleeping with a married woman is one of my biggest regrets in life.

Keef said...

I need the Pats D to be < than 6.1 pts tonight

The Meiz said...

I'm destroying my opponent this week. something like 203 to 94 so far. feels great.

Keef said...

I would be in better shape if my RB weren't Hyde and Rainey

Blue said...

"Sleeping with a married woman is one of my biggest regrets in life"

me too, and I do it every night

(s)

tem said...

I'd have a better team if I didn't lose by <2 pts every week.

Keef said...

me too, and I do it every night


Even in Chicago?

Keef said...

I'd have a better team if I didn't lose by <2 pts every week.


Actually your team would be the exact same

tem said...

no, they'd have a better record and thus be "better"

Keef said...

Your team would be the same. Your record would be better.
If your opponents were scoring 3 fewer points each week, that wouldn't make your team any better

tem said...

yes it would.

I'd be undefeated. That's better than what I am now.

Keef said...

And your team would be no different than it is now

Keef said...

NEXT!

tem said...

it'd have a different record.

I think that makes it different.

tem said...

remember this when your kid brings home a bad grade.

a better grade would make them no different.

tem said...

dumb facebook quote of the day RE: picture taken at the tigers game going for the playoff clinching:


Hoping to clench! Go Tigers!

Jugdish said...

a better grade would make them no different.


its all about the curve

tem said...

that's pedophile talk

Keef said...

remember this when your kid brings home a bad grade.

a better grade would make them no different


Your team's record would be different because the other teams would be worse. Your "team" would be no different. My kids grades are based on their own ability, not the ability of others

Keef said...

I like when Tem argues to argue. Generates comments

Jugdish said...

My kids grades are based on their own ability, not the ability of others



unless they copy off the dumb kids

s

Keef said...

14/16

tem said...

"My kids grades are based on their own ability, not the ability of others"

not if it is graded on a curve

tem said...

if some other people were worse then the grade would go up.

your kid would get a better grade. make the honor roll and be a "better" student. they'd bring home all As and you'd be super happy all because the other kids in class are dumb. if the other kids are all fucking Einstein then your kid's grade suffers and you get mad because they are a bad student.

FFL are essentially graded on a curve. if some other teams are worse then your team is "better."

tem said...

I got 16-16 on sporcle. you suck at 1990 movies.

or maybe I got 4-16 and you are awesome at 1990 movies.

Keef said...

I never had a class graded on a curve until college


Ns

Keef said...

I got 16-16 on sporcle. you suck at 1990 movies.

or maybe I got 4-16 and you are awesome at 1990 movies



I got 14/16 regardless of what you got

Keef said...

then your team is "better."


Apology accepted

tem said...

"I never had a class graded on a curve until college


Ns "

apology accepted

Keef said...

if the other kids are all fucking Einstein then your kid's grade suffers and you get mad because they are a bad student

Negative. Their grade would be what they earned.

The Meiz said...

"I never had a class graded on a curve until college"

No way

tem said...

"Negative. Their grade would be what they earned."

and it would be better (i.e they would have earned a higher grade) if the other kids weren't so smart.

Keef said...

They would have the same amount of knowledge irregardless of how smart the other kids are

El Padrino said...

LOUD NOISES

tem said...

but they'd have better grades and be better students

tem said...

LP is mad because we aren't talking about groping chicks

tem said...

and again.

just remember your stance now when your kid brings home a C and it is because she got graded on the curve.

or when she brings home an A and you are all excited but it was on a curve and she really didn't understand the material but she guessed better than the other kids.

just toss out every report card because she if what she if and if ifs were fifths we'd all be drunk.

El Padrino said...

Hhahahaa
OG neckbeard!

Keef said...

just remember your stance now when your kid brings home a C and it is because she got graded on the curve.


Yo, curves don't make grades worse. It's not like she would get 85/100 but since everyone else got 100/100 her grade gets dropped to a C

Keef said...


but they'd have better grades and be better students


Better grades, yes. Just like you would have a better record. But your team is the same. She would be the same student. Same level of knowledge.

Keef said...

Some chick named Clarissa came across my FB as someone I may know. I don't know her but I think I might want to know her. Apparently she is friends with Aitch.

Blue said...

14/16 for me

tem said...

"Yo, curves don't make grades worse. It's not like she would get 85/100 but since everyone else got 100/100 her grade gets dropped to a C"


apparently you don't know how curves work.

Keef said...

I misst the nick cage one and the kathy bates one

Keef said...

apparently you don't know how curves work.


Explain an instance where a curve would make your grade worst*

The Meiz said...

If everybody scores well

The Meiz said...

Everybody's grade drops. Thats why fucking up the curve exists.

Keef said...

Any curve I've had, the highest grade becomes 100 and everyone's grade goes up. So if someone scores 100 before the curve, they're fucking it up for everyone.

Keef said...

I'm actually curious about what kind of curve makes grades go down

Ns

The Meiz said...

Kinda pissed at a coworker AGAIN.

She cancelled one of my accounts' orders last night.

We are NOT supposed to cancel program sales orders, you fucking nimrod.

Keef said...

Off with her head!

tem said...

just google grading on a curve.

wiki explains it pretty well.

tem said...

if you got an 85 and everyone else got 100 you'd get a D or an F.

tem said...

curve is a bell curve.

Fs to the left, As to the right, Ds, Cs, Bs in the middle.


plot everyone's scores and divvy up the letter grades.


Aitch said...

"Some chick named Clarissa came across my FB as someone I may know. I don't know her but I think I might want to know her. Apparently she is friends with Aitch"

I don't know her either. Might be a fake profile. But with abs like that, I had to check it out...

Aitch said...

I have never heard of a curve that drops grades either.

Aitch said...

usually they would take the highest grade and bump it up to a 99 or 100, and then take that amount of points and add it to everyone else's grade. I always got ragged on by people in class because I would be the curve buster.

Keef said...

Wicked smaht!

Aitch said...

I have many shortfalls. I hope I've never given you guys reason to question my intelligence.

The Meiz said...

15/16 on the movie sporcle

The Meiz said...

H was out here fuckin' up the curve. I was too, though.

I was a test taker.

The Meiz said...

Evidently there is a Jennifer Lawrence cumshot video out there. Guess I missed that one.

The Meiz said...

One of my really good looking friends is the "ugly one" in her circle of girlfriends. I need to hang out with them.

Keef said...

In my $ league, where D/ST get pts for return yards, Pats D was held to under 6.1 pts and I won. Yay me. I guess my team is better than if the other guy's D would have scored more pts

Jugdish said...

I always got ragged on by people in class because I would be the curve buster.


sounds like an Lp claim

El Padrino said...

We get it media. It's been awhile since the Royals have been in the postseason. We get it.

Jugdish said...

Charles cost me a fantasy win last night. I had the lead with the chef's D and gostkowski going...it wasn't meant to be.

Jugdish said...

its always the league that I feel like I have the best team in that I don't do as well as I thought I would.

tem said...

" I guess my team is better than if the other guy's D would have scored more pts "

now you're learning.

Jugdish said...

Lp Trebek

Jugdish said...

wussbag

Keef said...

Michael Phelps is a dumbass

tem said...

what'd he do?

tem said...

nevermind. I read the google machine.

El Padrino said...

Sexist Jeopardy is a tremendous idea for a sketch show. SNL should do it. Hilarity.

El Padrino said...

Most of the sports writers are saying it too but it really is surreal the Raiders GM is still allowed to be the GM. He has been easily the worst in the league. Andy Reid's stained shorts make better draft selections than him.

Jugdish said...

they'd have a better team if they didn't lose every week

/tem

Keef said...

I want to try out for sports jeopardy

Aitch said...

"I want to try out for sports jeopardy"

I question your sports knowledge.

/H

El Padrino said...

Ebola in Dallas

The Meiz said...

"Ebola in Dallas"

No, Detroit drafted him

Keef said...

Heyoooooooooo

The Meiz said...

I'll be here all night

The Meiz said...

Dawg. One of the guys in my FNFL asked somebody for his goddamn starting QB in a trade. WHAT A SAVAGE.

El Padrino said...

Ned Yost is retarded

The Meiz said...

I have determined that my clavicle is going to heal irregularly. Sucks.

Aitch said...

What led to that determination, Dr. Meiller?

tem said...

i got a trade offer of getting roddy white and giving up phillip rivers.

I hate my fucking FFL.

The Meiz said...

"What led to that determination, Dr. Meiller?"

Well, the bone just disappears about 3 inches from the start of it, and I have what seems to be a protrusion of bone near my shoulder joint.

The Meiz said...

I just want to be able to throw a football and a baseball normally again.

Keef said...

"Ebola in Dallas"


Praying for jug and his family

Keef said...

A student who ran onto the field during an Ohio State football game and was body-slammed by a coach is losing his scholarship amid his court case.
Defense attorney Mark Collins says officials Tuesday started removing 21-year-old Anthony Wunder from the Evans Scholars program, which covers tuition and housing for former golf caddies.


Oof. Hope it was worth it

Keef said...

Remember, how good do you feel about the fate of your team's season being in the hands of Edinson Volquez

The Meiz said...

Anybody but the Cardinals

Keef said...

Royals/Pirates would be cool

tem said...

" how good do you feel about the fate of your team's season being in the hands of Edinson Volquez "

dance with the girl that brought ya....

tem said...

at least when I look at the preview it says he has a 0.00 ERA, so that is good.

The Meiz said...

Volquez for Cy Young!

Keef said...

Did you just call Volquez a girl

tem said...

I guess I did.

Tyler said...

I think Blue is in L.A., or whoever hacked his Twitter account seems to be here. Is he on the LoV Mixtape Tour 2k14?

Tyler said...

He was complaining about traffic on the 101. Blue knows.

tem said...

blue is a world traveler now.

The Meiz said...

Never forget.

Blue went to a Bruno Mars concert.

Keef said...

Unforgivable

Keef said...

Not only did he go, but he loved it

The Meiz said...

LOVED it.

Keef said...

i got a trade offer of getting roddy white and giving up phillip rivers.


I made an offer of Rivers and Andrew Johnson for Giovani Bernard and Cutler. My starting qb is Files, and I'm loaded at wr. I just don't have any rb

Keef said...

Andre

Keef said...

Andrew Johnson retired years ago

Tyler said...

Oh God, Bruno Mars, noooooooo!!!!

tem said...

the rivers and white deal would have white just sit on my bench.

tem said...

plus it is a top 3 qb for a top 40 wr. seems fair.

fucking idiots in my league

Tyler said...

Andrew Johnson was not a very good President.

Keef said...

Andrew Johnson was not a very good President.


Worst of my lifetime

/TP

Tyler said...

I would rank him outside of the top 30 Presidents, so you wouldn't be getting a whole lot of value there.

Tyler said...

Especially if you're giving up Rivers.

Keef said...

Speaking of concerts, cmk emails me last week all excited because Neil Diamond is touring next year. Then she finds out on Monday that he's not coming to Phoenix and she's all bummed. So now I gotta secretly figure out a plan to go to his show in SD, Denver, or LA so shes happy

Keef said...

I'm giving up rivers and johnson

Keef said...

Suspects in a bizarre burglary beat to death 920 chickens at a farm in central California earlier this month, authorities



What's your beef with foster farms, Tyler?

tem said...

blue lives in denver

Keef said...

He lives in Parker

tem said...

is that near Denver?

how do you know this? are you a stalker?

Keef said...

Um, he's said it before?

The Meiz said...

My buddy offered me Donald Brown & Markus Somethingorother for Victor Cruz & the Lions D/ST. I don't think so, bro.

The Meiz said...

"So now I gotta secretly figure out a plan to go to his show in SD, Denver, or LA so shes happy"

You're serious. Incredible.

Keef said...

Maybe "gotta" isn't the right word. But scoring points is important in this game

Tyler said...

RE: Foster Farms; I haven't been to Central or NorCal in about 20 years, so it wasn't me.

RE: Neil; my mother-in-law is a ya-huge Neil Diamond fan (she has the "Hell Yes I'm a Neil Diamond Fan" license plate frame to prove it). I would estimate she's easily seen him well over 10 times just since I've known my wife. It's weird.

Tyler said...

As a general rule, I steer clear of the Inland Empire, Central, and Norcal. Lots of weird people there. If it's not in L.A., on the way to Vegas or San Diego, I'm not interested.

tem said...

keith pays way too much attention

Keef said...

RE: Foster Farms; I haven't been to Central or NorCal in about 20 years, so it wasn't me.


Do you have an alibi?

Keef said...

What's your beef with foster farms, Tyler?


How do you know Tyler is in California? Are you a stalker?

/tem

The Meiz said...

"keith pays way too much attention"

Setting those expectations way too high.

Keef said...

You don't think those expectations have been sky high since day 1?

tem said...

who is setting high expectations?

I have very low expectations for how much people pay attention on here.

Keith is wrecking the curve with this shit. I'd be a better blogger if he didn't pay so much attention.

Keef said...

I'm assuming Mize is talking about cmk when he mentions expectations

El Padrino said...

Pussy is a huge motivator.

Keef said...

::flank stare::

/Mize

Tyler said...

Need to start my vocal warmups for the "Let's Go Pirates" chant tonight.

Keef said...

Jinxer

tem said...

Let's go Buccos is proper

Keef said...

I'll just go with arrrrrggghhhhhhh

Keef said...

Bold

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