Friday, May 30, 2014

El Padrider

You know hoe musicisans and other entertainers (once they are popular enough) always travel with a "rider" which is like a laundry list of crap they need or want on hand at a facility or on a tour bus? Well here is mine. Just because.

Wi-Fi (porn)
Mallomars (when in season)
Oreos (all the time)
Green M&M's (duh they make you horny, will have groupies)
A bowl of lemons
Every phone charger ever made
Magnum condoms (not XXL ones just regular magnums)
a felt pen
A case of Altoids
Jack Daniels
Cocktail shaker
Makers Mark
A bowl of oranges
Marschiano cherries
A lot of ice cubes
Latest edition of Playboy
Bubble Tape Bubble gum or Big League Chew
Fresh Mozzarella (still in the water)
Russian Standard Vodka
Simple Syrup
Angoustura Bitters
Case of Corona
A bowl of limes
one chefs knife
one bamboo cutting board
Thin and Crispy Corn Tortilla chips
Patron
A legal pad
Ice cold Pellegrino
Quaker chocolate chip granola bars
Breakstones Whipped Butter
Chapstik (sealed)
Box of glazed donuts from either local bakery or krispy kreme/tim hortons/dunkin donuts
A tank of Lobsters
Sno-Caps
One plush relcining chair
A Lionel train set
Bowl of peanuts (shelled)
Bowl of pistachios (shell on)
Picture of Brooklyn Bridge
Large container of vanilla ice cream
Scissors
Watermelons
Apples
New bath robe
Ssips iced tea juice boxes
Box of Life cereal
Straws
Baby Powder
New pack of white athletic socks
Array of cookbooks
A bean bag


think that covers it

What would yours look like? let me guess the basics

Keef's
broken cell phones
walls must be colored to baby diarrhea
frozen cheese
carrots
cases of canned tuna
dog shit
pool cleaning equipment
green shirts
asu gear
isurance beer cuzzi

Aitchs

woe
clam chowdah
pedroia jersey
new day rising tshirt
hot wheels limo
whalberg poster
bruins hat
whiskey i would assume (jameson probably)

Meiz
complaints
frozen pizza
canned chilli
a foreman grill
a fishing pole
a boning knife
tank of lake fish
a large stereo system
Fleischmanns
Brewer mascot costume
corn hole bag toss game thing
pack of brats

blue
gold toilet
gold on tap
gold tulo jersey
gold weed bong
uncooked tri-color pasta in glass (for decor)
beard trimmer
19 tv's
catered og just soup and breadsticks though

TP
Pearl Jam man cave
sinkhole in middle of room
SNY feed on tv

Tem
catered bw2 platter
rich rod dartboard
wava state flag
mario lemiux figurines
pfeffier poster
big bang theory dvd all seasons
cheesepie

Jug
Da Bears gear
big ass american flag
every episode of seinfeld
Vacation dvd
a treadmill
deep dish casseroles
brad paisley loaded music device

98 comments:

Jugdish said...

good post!

Jugdish said...

clippers were recently valued at 575 million, but sell for 2 billion. there you go owners, when you're ready to sell make some racist comments and leak them to TMZ.

Blue said...

if you've got a rider, why are you drinking the shitty whiskey?

Jugdish said...

its his rider

tem said...

easy rider

tem said...

"For the first time since 1962, two spellers, Sriram Hathwar and Ansun Sujoe, were declared co-champions of the Scripps National Spelling Bee."

foreign kids can spell.

I don't think we'll see a Kate Smith or a John Walters winning the spelling bee any time soon.

Jugdish said...

cool rider

tem said...

"clippers were recently valued at 575 million, but sell for 2 billion."

appraisers are dumb as fuck.

they suck at appraising things.

they can barely appraise a house properly even when there are 5 houses that sold in the same neighborhood. they have no shot at appraising any professional team with any accuracy.

Jugdish said...

I don't think we'll see a Kate Smith or a John Walters winning the spelling bee any time soon.


or a tony

Brooklon Baby said...

I don't see shitty whiskey on that list.

Brooklon Baby said...

Like what would you put. A isabella Islay or a fucking 50 years old macallan?

Blue said...

something that is not Jack Daniels

Blue said...

maybe you just have a shitty whiskey pallette

Jugdish said...

crown royal is getting ready to go on sale at the bx for $32 a handle

Jugdish said...

you can add that to my rider

Jugdish said...

add diet pepsi to tem's rider

Jugdish said...

and buffalo meat to aitch's rider

Keef said...

Add chili pepper lights to jug's rider

Jugdish said...

ill need my tour bus lined with them on the inside

Jugdish said...

Lp...do you want a whole case of altoids or just one tin?

Keef said...

The Altoids help his fellatio game

The Meiz said...

Should have just asked for a full bar stocked with top shelf only.

The Meiz said...

"The Altoids help his fellatio game"

Literally LOLed at this

Keef said...

Should have just asked for a full bar stocked with top shelf only.



Snobs are the worse*

The Meiz said...

"beer cuzzi"

Great speller

Blue said...

"Should have just asked for a full bar stocked with top shelf only."

I agree, that's like saying "I want a 12 pack of corona, or coors light"

tem said...

"Magnum condoms
Latest edition of Playboy"

you're not doing something right

tem said...

"add diet pepsi to tem's rider"

fo sho

tem said...

I'd have miller lite on my rider

tem said...

and starburst jelly beans

tem said...

and sour patch kids

Blue said...

boo to miller lite

tem said...

boo to your face

Keef said...

I like millers lite

Jugdish said...

you're not doing something right


its for the articles

/Lp

Keef said...

Playboy is still a thing?

Jugdish said...

full sized cardboard cutouts of all Outkast members for my rider

/mize

Jugdish said...

man down!

Jugdish said...

unless you can guarantee that he will fall off the stage again, that doesn't make me want to attend a luke bryan concert

Jugdish said...

interesting

Keef said...

I'm going to a Thai place right now. They don't have toilet seats

Blue said...

is it tommy Thai's?

Blue said...

this explains a lot

Blue said...

or not much

Jugdish said...

post from someone on FB: "There has got to be a better system of checking parents into a school then scanning drivers license and printing individual visitor badges each and every time you enter the school!!! Perhaps each family should be given a special ID card that can scanned and verified?!?! This is torture!!"


#firstworldproblems


Brooklon Baby said...

IGGY

Jugdish said...

sterling will sue the nba for 1 billion...nice

Blue said...

I heard that Sterling was ruled mentally incapacitated and that's why his wife could sell the team without his consent

Aitch said...

Definitely Jameson.

And cashews, salted and honey roasted.
And wasabi almonds.
Baja blast mountain dew

All served nice and spicy over white rice

Brooklon Baby said...

Ha

The Meiz said...

"All served nice and spicy over white rice"

I read something at work the other day that said white rice accelerates heart disease.

Aitch said...

Eh... if you look hard enough, pretty much everything will kill you. With all my vices, white rice is the least of my concerns.

tem said...

It shOuldn't be least. Getting raped by bill Cosby should Concern you less

Keef said...

Lots of scoring in the Coloredhawks game so far

Keef said...

Sorry jug

tem said...

kid turned one yesterday.

threw up on me at her party. I had to go take a shower.

Keef said...

Thanks for the invite

Blue said...

"Getting raped by bill Cosby should Concern you less"

didn't realize this was one of H's vices

The Meiz said...

I don't think H has as many vices as he says. Unless he's smoking again.

tem said...

I think H is in love again

Blue said...

well cosby rape would definitely be a bad vice

Keef said...

So H was being dramatic? Get out

ToddPacker said...

the term "Cosby rape" would have generated plenty of funny comments in the old LoV days

The Meiz said...

I'm gonna put my pudding pop in the fudge factory, Timmy.

Blue said...

wish kod was here to argue the addiction levels of pot

if a dude can't stop smoking pot and risks losing millions of dollars and a career in the NFL, then there must be some addictiveness to it

Blue said...

oh, and I'd like to hear his theories on cosby rape

Keef said...

Kod got all big time on us

The Meiz said...

Big timed by the little man. crying fuckin' shame.

The Meiz said...

My co-workers absolutely do not pay attention or listen when we have meetings. Impossibly frustrating.

tem said...

welcome to the world

tem said...

H is taking pictures with a chick getting ready for next year's Kentucky derby.


chances he is still with this chick at that time??? go.

The Meiz said...

"welcome to the world"

Seriously, I can't stand people.

Blue said...

3%

Blue said...

people are the worst

Keef said...

Negative 3

Blue said...

meiz should be like that guy in the movie "HER"

The Meiz said...

Are you suggesting I should become a letter writer?

Keef said...

No. He's saying you should grow a suite stache

The Meiz said...

Hmm

Blue said...

I'm saying sexytkime with your ipod

The Meiz said...

Well, probably could fit it in my butt if I really tried.

Blue said...

atta boy

Blue said...

pissing in a urinals in flip flops is dangerous

Brooklon Baby said...

Yo

Brooklon Baby said...

Obama is the worst

Brooklon Baby said...

Have a nice night.

tem said...

Worse what?

Brooklon Baby said...

Worse ever?

The Meiz said...

Nice job not answering the question.

Keef said...

El Politicaltroll

Aitch said...

"I think H is in love again"

Whoa, slow down there.

Aitch said...

"H is taking pictures with a chick getting ready for next year's Kentucky derby"

Because clearly that was a 100% serious caption

tem said...

I bet it was a >0% caption.

Which means H is in LOVE again.

Jugdish said...

Obama is the worst


prisoner swap? I'm surprised that's not getting more negative press. I thought the US didn't negotiate with terrorists.

Jugdish said...

kid turned one yesterday.

threw up on me at her party. I had to go take a shower.


too much cake? she likes free cake just like her dad.

Happy belated birthday to your girl!

tem said...

she had like half a bite of cake. It was her first sweets ever. she did not like it.

Blue said...

doblue1 did not like cake on her 1st birthday (she's still not a huge fan).

but she did like mushing her hands around in it.

The Meiz said...

New Post


It didn't publish over night. Probably because I was drunk.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino