Friday, May 30, 2014

El Padrider

You know hoe musicisans and other entertainers (once they are popular enough) always travel with a "rider" which is like a laundry list of crap they need or want on hand at a facility or on a tour bus? Well here is mine. Just because.

Wi-Fi (porn)
Mallomars (when in season)
Oreos (all the time)
Green M&M's (duh they make you horny, will have groupies)
A bowl of lemons
Every phone charger ever made
Magnum condoms (not XXL ones just regular magnums)
a felt pen
A case of Altoids
Jack Daniels
Cocktail shaker
Makers Mark
A bowl of oranges
Marschiano cherries
A lot of ice cubes
Latest edition of Playboy
Bubble Tape Bubble gum or Big League Chew
Fresh Mozzarella (still in the water)
Russian Standard Vodka
Simple Syrup
Angoustura Bitters
Case of Corona
A bowl of limes
one chefs knife
one bamboo cutting board
Thin and Crispy Corn Tortilla chips
A legal pad
Ice cold Pellegrino
Quaker chocolate chip granola bars
Breakstones Whipped Butter
Chapstik (sealed)
Box of glazed donuts from either local bakery or krispy kreme/tim hortons/dunkin donuts
A tank of Lobsters
One plush relcining chair
A Lionel train set
Bowl of peanuts (shelled)
Bowl of pistachios (shell on)
Picture of Brooklyn Bridge
Large container of vanilla ice cream
New bath robe
Ssips iced tea juice boxes
Box of Life cereal
Baby Powder
New pack of white athletic socks
Array of cookbooks
A bean bag

think that covers it

What would yours look like? let me guess the basics

broken cell phones
walls must be colored to baby diarrhea
frozen cheese
cases of canned tuna
dog shit
pool cleaning equipment
green shirts
asu gear
isurance beer cuzzi


clam chowdah
pedroia jersey
new day rising tshirt
hot wheels limo
whalberg poster
bruins hat
whiskey i would assume (jameson probably)

frozen pizza
canned chilli
a foreman grill
a fishing pole
a boning knife
tank of lake fish
a large stereo system
Brewer mascot costume
corn hole bag toss game thing
pack of brats

gold toilet
gold on tap
gold tulo jersey
gold weed bong
uncooked tri-color pasta in glass (for decor)
beard trimmer
19 tv's
catered og just soup and breadsticks though

Pearl Jam man cave
sinkhole in middle of room
SNY feed on tv

catered bw2 platter
rich rod dartboard
wava state flag
mario lemiux figurines
pfeffier poster
big bang theory dvd all seasons

Da Bears gear
big ass american flag
every episode of seinfeld
Vacation dvd
a treadmill
deep dish casseroles
brad paisley loaded music device

Friday, May 23, 2014

Nothing to see here keep moving along

I think there are a lot of great horse names in movie titles. Such as.

Unforgiven, Jerry Maguire, Old School, Frozen, Despicable Me, Black Swan, Kick-Ass, Indiana Jones, Dark Knight, Top Gun

The Mets suck. Sandy Alderson sucks.

I'm feeling old lately. I think I'm out of shape. Got to get back to 100 pushups a day regimen.

I fucking hate play-doh.

We aint grown enough to talk real about race. IT will always be contentious just like the middle east

I always have a good idea for a post on like Tuesday then never remember it. I should post whenever the fuck I get the idea right? Like it matters. This place is on life support. Let's attack the intern Kevin Cott. Spiff let's catfish that fucker.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Kate Upton Sobe Staring Contest.....Go.

The More You Know section.

Canola oil is made from rapeseeds.

This Really Chaps My Ass section

Fucking people.


Lana Del Ray > Lordes
Burn on that Meiz.


Hopefully that is the last of Garnett. I know Pierce will stick around which is unfortunate.


Just let her yell and move on. Woman need to yell to release some anger like men need to cum into a sock.


Still no plane.


Zeppole, Donut, Churro - WHO YA GOT?


My favorite thing to buy from the grocery store is waffles. So convienent. Fuck making fresh waffles.


Lot's of comic book talk lately with all the movie crap. Why don't they make movies about Family Circus or Archie? Or a Far Side movie starring a weird Billy Bob Thornton.

TV Shows

Fargo. Louie. Archer. FX Network is fire.

Common Sense

You shouldn't say guarantee unless you can actually guarantee.


Where does all the Easter candy go, do the candy companies ship it all to stores ro do they themselves have overhead they cannot get rid of? I need to know.

Goodbye section


Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Hallelujah, hallelujah, ya know I do some things more different than I used ta

Brewers are off tonight. Lame.

I'm eating peperoncini.  I love these things.  Holy shit, I just watched Andrew Zimmern drink pureed frogs.  That dude's the man.


New supervisor started today.  She's not ugly.  Tem would hate her nose.  Hard to tell how old she is though.  And yes, I'm bitter I didn't even get a fucking interview.  She better be damn good at her new job.

I have a $50 gift card to The Cheesecake Factory.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with that.  Thanks though, CCF Corporate.

I think I mentioned it, but goddamn, I had a perfect fucking steak dinner on Saturday night.  Couldn't believe it was so perfectly done.  Waubee Lodge has to have made some changes, because the quality of the food has vastly improved over the past few years.  Hell, even the owner was there on Saturday.  I've never seen him before.  They need a menu on the website, though.  How the hell are you a restaurant, have a website, and not have a PDF of your menu on said site?  I should check & see how much and what they're buying from us.

Love the Birdman, hate his terrible beard.  I pretty much hate all beards.  Whenever I see somebody with a nasty beard, my brain drops their IQ potential by a lot.  Stop growing stupid nasty beards, America.  Have some self-respect, for fuck's sake.


This is my cut.  More love for Lorde.  She's awkward den a bitch doe.  I can't figure out why this hasn't been dropped as a single.  Sounds like a monster smash hit, to me.  Yes, I'm still listening to this album almost daily.  It's so good.

Methinks I'm about to fire up the stereo.  I had this bad boy knockin' last night.  Forgot how crisp and loud it is.  I love that I have no neighbors.

Not wearing your seat belt is so fucking stupid.  I can't believe people still do that.  Put your fuckin' seat belt on.  Dumbest ticket to get ever.  You know what else is common as fuck?  People driving around without their driver's license.  Holy shit, how lazy and dumb are you?  We started requiring a state issued ID to pick up product at will call on April 1, and fuck it all if we don't have a smooth 3+ people show up each day with no license.  We even have one guy WHO DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE BECAUSE HE WAS TOO FUCKING LAZY TO RENEW IT.  Seriously, I fucking hate people.  And then they get all pissed at us because they think we're going to do some NSA spying, identity theft shit with their fucking driver's license number.  There's literally nothing I can do with your driver's license number, lady.  We take this shit down to fucking protect the owner of the shit bar you work at, so you can't get away with ordering & picking up product on your boss's account when your petty ass gets fired and thinks you're going to get revenge on him or her.

I seriously want to be 100% honest with customers all the time.  I hate that I have to lie and tell half-truths to protect their fragile egos.  You know why your order isn't ready?  Because you're on credit hold since you haven't paid a bill in nine fucking weeks.  Pay your fucking bills, and it wouldn't be a problem.  Oh, you didn't think you had to pay for this will call?  Bullshit.  I was sitting here when your M.A. told you you needed to pay for this order because you can't pay your fucking bills.  Get out of the restaurant business.  Wait, no.  Stay in it.  You're only making us MORE money.  You wanna go to court to fight "The Man"?  Cool.  We got lots of lawyers for that.  My boss will see you there.

Neice Talk - Eyemuffs, Meiz
It's cool now, I've chilled the hell out.  She turned six months yesterday, and dammit if she's not a ginger pudge.  My sister seems to be doing a decent enough job.  I'm not about to be babysitting that kid, though.  Fucking gingers. 

You know how I say my Dad's side of the family is awful?  My cousin told me she has 2 black goldfish, and their names are Fried Chicken and Kool-Aid.  Fucking awful people.

Heatles need to revamp their roster this offseason.  Good god, they're old, and the majority of that team isn't under contract next season.  New blood is needed in Miami.  It's amazing how much better the Spurs are at basketball than the Blazers.  I've been pleasantly surprised by Wes Matthews' career so far.  That's tough for me to admit because he's a Marquette guy, and it's fuck Marquette over here all day.

Fuck Lyle Overbay.  I wanted Juan Francisco to be the lefty half of the First Base Platoon.  Not to mention, Fat Juan's hitting in T.O.  71ABs, and a slash line of .268/.361/.535 going into last night.  Fucking Doug Melvin.  WE TOLD YOU HE WAS GOING TO PRODUCE THIS YEAR.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, SSS.  What the fuck ever.  We wanted and need those Fat Juan bombs.  I mean, look at this Vine.  Best batflip to date.  (Warning: it's loud)

I think this is enough for today.


Friday, May 09, 2014

Live from El Pad's couch

Gonna live blog some of this......

Still rock ESPN, just better coverage I think than NFL Network....wait Ray Lewis.  Cmon MAN,  I want TJ or even Key.  Fuck Ray Lewis.  I think it's Berman.  Don't get the hate on him he is head and shoulders better than Eisen.  Also I can't stand Irvin.  Also Gruden.  MIC DROP.

Why do people hate Goodell again?  Concussion thing?  Lockout?  People are the worse.  Booing him is so dumb.

Honestly after Russell Wilson I don't know why any GM would not want Manziel.  My official position is he will be great. 

I hate Sherman.  And his nostrils.

Fucking Radio City looking small man the draft is just cashed out.

Texans are on the clock.

8:05 - Niggas waiting for phone calls they don't want to pick #1.
8:08 - Clowney seems like he's disinterested already
8:10 - Mort looks sickly and that is a lot of makeup
8:13 - Gruden already going rogue, looking to punch Kiper in the throat
8:15 - Watt is pumped.  Clowney.....
8:16 - Hope that boy can play 3 down football though because #1 picks should
8:18 - The Goodell hugs cometh.
8:18 - SOOOUUZZZ - I'd give it to suzy all over the place.
8:19 - My sister lives in Rock Hill.  It's actually an ok place.
8:25 - Slap in the face to the great Bruce Matthews by Fisher.  S.
8:26 - Jax has to take Manziel right?  I mean they need a QB in the worse way, a guy that can fill a stadium too don't forget.
8:28 - LaConfora on twitter says Bortles.  Wow.  WOW.
8:30 - Twitter ruining the draft have to come off it now.  I want my picks live not High Frequency Live.
8:30 - Jesus Jacksonville.
8:31 - Wherever Manziel goes he will destroy Jacksonville every single time.
8:33 - Raiders will get a sure thing now.  Mack, Matthews or Watkins.
8:34 - TRADE - BILLS
8:35 - I love this shit.
8:34 - Has to be for Watkins
8:35 - or MACK staying in Buffarro.
8:38 - WATKINS- good pick kid a beast.
8:38 - Similar to the Julio Jones pick - Berman nailed that.
8:40 - Man just realized the Falcons are going to get a stud too.
8:42 - Long way from Buffalo.  Don't worry though Raiderettes are hawt.
8:43 - If Falcons don't go Matthews I'd be shocked.  Or Lewan.
8:51 - Bruce's boy.
8:52 - Seriously Mike Glennon?  Stop it.  McNown?  Stop. Take Manziel.
8:52 - All Jake Matthew highlights get jacked by Manziel highlights.
8:54 - The Matthews can ball.  Damn.
8:55 - LaConfora is amazing.  I have to quit twitter.  He said Evans.  Whoa.  Manziel gonna free fall now.  Tell you what if he is there at 12 Giants might do it.  They make a board, if he's #1 he's the pick no matter what.  DRAMA.
8:56 - Is Mike Evans Deron Williams?
8:57 - Cleveland could get another shot at Johnny.  #9.  And he has 8 chips on his shoulder.
8:59 - Get your shit together young man.  Crying is for pussies.
9:00 - Browns right?  And they traded up a spot but why afraid minny was taking manziel?
9:05 - Justin Gilbert?  They traded up a spot for a corner?  What the fuck.
9:06 - Was that Kevin Costners call?
9:06 - Clev sucks chant is A+ effort.  Good job.
9:07 - I mean yeah Hayden and Gilbert is a nice tandem.  But QB.
9:08 - Vikes do your thing.  Norv Turner is the OC.  Manziel do it do it.
9:10 - Anthony Barr.  Drafting for need is so stupid why franchises like the Vikings never win anything.  There are STUDS in front of you.  One of them is a QB one of them is a ten year tackle.  Crazy.
9:11  - Sorry Kod.  Goodness gracious that is officially the worst pick in the draft.
9:12 - Detroit has to take Lewan or Odell the WR.
9:13 - Man the Giants are going to get a hell of a player. 
9:13 - Ebron.  Good pick.  Forgot about him.  He is Aaron Hernandez minus the murder.
9:14 - The world will explode if the Giants take Manziel.
9:15 - Titans take him.  Cmon Whizzy.
9:21 - Oh my god my anxiety is like whoa with Manziel on the board.  So many players they can grab.
9:29 - Nice.  Love it.  Bend it like Beckham.

Stopping here this is tiring.  Some thoughts as the night goes on............

Good job by Saints jumping in front of Philly for Cooks.
Pryor is a hammer.  Dernard is better though, dumb Jets.
Who told Bridgewater to come to the draft.  He has 2nd round pick written all over him.
Third crack at Manziel and the Browns nail it.  Finally.  FINALLY.
Love it.  Fuck Hoyer.  Two number one's next year too don't forget.  Like Rams this year.
Too bad Shanahan is coaching him though.  Fucking Kyle is a bum.
Also too bad, you know, Cleveland.
Wife just said Manziel looks like a little person.  LOL
What the fuck did Kansas City just do?  Marqise Lee is staring them in the face they were ranked 24th in the passing game. 
Nice pick for Bengals.  Value is unreal.  He should have been long gone.
Arizona should have taken a QB? No?  Unless they want one of the 2nd round guys Garapolo or McCarron. Anyway the safety they got is a thumper.
I actually like the Eagles pick.  High motor kid.  The way they play offense people forget their defense are on the field a lot because they score quick.  Plus they are 3-4.  They needed rushers.  Ends.
The Carr family looks lovely.
Belle Glade, Florida is an awful place.
Ray Lewis just said Chiahlls.  (chills). Ebonics I guess.
Congrats to all the brothers getting straight paid today.  America is amazing.
Drinking an old fashioned.  Second one.  It's my favorite.
Belichick loves gators.
Niners falling into Marqise Lee but not picking him makes me happy.  I did like Jimmy Ward as a prospect though.  Versatile defensive back.  Tackler. 
I feel like Caliendo can do this draft by himself and be Kiper, Boom and Grudes.
Never been to a BW2 - dying to go.
Houston getting a QB at top of round 2 imagine if it's Carr?  HOLY SHIT.
20 piece chucken nugget would have been a suite move, In the mood for taco bell now.
Blake is such a Florida name.
Sharon Stone still doing it for me.
VIKING REDEMPTION! Nice ending to the draft.

Good talk guys.

Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Synthesizer, microwave me. Give me a drug so I can make seven babies.

New post time.  Don't know what I'm going to talk about in this post, if anything at all.

I can't come up with anything. Kinda watching the Brewers game, talking routers on the twitter, having cocktails.

I can tell you that I'm really looking forward to throwing horse shoes on the new pits next week.  I was on fire Sunday evening.  I think I figured out a new, more simple grip and technique to get the rotation I'm looking for.  That means nothing to you guys, but it makes sense like this; I throw a "turn" instead of a flip.  My shoes rotate horizontally instead of flipping end over end.  I can't figure out the flip.  So, me & my buddy were just getting some good practice time in on Sunday, and I figured out that I should grip the shoe along the left arm of it, and it gives me a damn near perfect one and a quarter turn with the shoe hitting the pit one the open side.  I was all over the stake.  Can't wait to keep working on it.

Got damn, the Brewers have absolutely tattooed some pitches from the DBacks.  GoGo leadoff bomb to dead center, Maldy goes no-doubter to left, and Jean decides to go upper-decking.  This game is due for a Mark Reynolds bomb.  Can't wait to get Brauny back on Monday. It's also become very clear that Jon Lucroy has been teaching Maldy how to frame pitches.  The two guys are just beasts behind the plate.  They don't do a whole lot in regards to throwing out base stealers, but the defense & the framing is ridiculous.  They both call really good games, too.  I'll also add that Maldonado is potentially one of our best relievers(S? NS? NOT SURE).

They still haven't found that damn plane.  I hope it's never found.  Ever.

These NBA Playoffs have been ridiculous this year, but I don't feel like talking hoop right now because it's been such a whirlwind and I don't have the words in these here fingers.  I'm just enjoying the games.

Eh, screw it.  I'm going to bed.

Friday, May 02, 2014

Are you mocking me?

I've decided that I would take Manziel. I think he's the real deal. Of course like Vick and like RGIII and like all these scramblers injuries are concern. The big boys in the NFL put hurt on people. But I think the kid is a winner. First time in a minute Giants have a top 12 pick (12th). The GM will take best available according to his board not Mel's. It will probably surprise people. And it won't be a need. If it happens to be a need. Suite.

My mock.  I think Cleveland trades down but will just put the player at 4 for them.  If I'm St. Louis I trade the 2 for someone jonesing for Manziel.  We'll see.

Texans - Greg Robinson
Rams - Clowney
Jags - Manziel (sucks for him dude)
Browns - Bortles
Raiders - Kahil Mack
Falcons - Sammy Watkins
Tampa - Jake Matthews
Vikes -  Lewan
Bills - Mike Evans
Lions -Morgan Moses
Titans -Aaron Donald
Giants-  Ha-Ha Clinton Dix
Rams- Zack Martin
Bears - Darqueze
Steelers - Eric Ebron
Cowboys - Justin Gilbert
Ravens - CJ Mosely
Jets - Ra'shed Hageman
Miami - Kyle Fuller
Arizona - Odell Beckham jr.
Packers - Calvin Pryor
Eagles - Brandin Cooks
Cheifs - Marqise Lee
Bengals - Stephon Tuitt
Cahrgers - Timmy Jernigan
Browns - Ryan Shazier
Saints - Kony Ealy
Carolina - Jason Verritt
Pats - Jeremiah Attachou
Niners - Louiz Nix III
Broncos - Anthony Barr
Seattle - Cody Lattimer


Have a lot of problems with the Superman movie Man of Steel.  Lots of ridculousness.  Good movie though, I know that sounds dumb.

I think sucks balls is my favorite way to describe a shitty situation.

Colon in Colorado is not a good idea.

I don't think Knox did it.

We have to pretend to love soccer soon.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino