Monday, January 27, 2014

Grammys runny diary

And here we are again. Live via DVR. Another runny diary of the Grammys. I hope Daft Punk is performing tonight. I love those guys. (SSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS)
The show opens up with Beyonce spreading her legs on a chair. Her momma got ass, too.
Cmk: do you think she's pretty?
Me: yeah, I think she's fucking hot.
Cmk: ok then. But yeah, she's gorgeous. If I was a black chick, I'd wanna look like her.
I might have to come down here after cmk goes to bed and rub one out to that performance. But I'd have to finish before Hova gets to the stage.
Oh cool, Ladies Love Cool J is hosting again. He's wearing the same fedora as he wore last year. I hate when non comedians try to be funny. It's kind of painful.
Oh look, Daft Punk is sitting in the crowd with those fucking helmets on. I don't get it. It's not like you're mega stars. You can't pull that off. You have one song on the radio, and that song is more overplayed than the Chicken Dance at wedding receptions.
Pharell stole the man in the yellow hat's hat. And he painted it brown. Musicians are weird. First award is best new artist. There is zero chance that Mackelmore doesn't win this. Z.E.R.O. None.
And the winner is. Kendrick Lamar? Wtf.
Sike. Mackelmore. Can't wait to hear him get on his soapbox like he always does. I like his music, but I don't like when he accepts awards.
Next up, Mize's crush, Lorde. I love this song. Bgas1 gets pissed when I sing along when it's on the radio. And she's telling me to stop right now. I didn't stop so she came over and shushed me.
Lorde is fucking hideous looking. She's got some good music, but she's definitely got a face for radio. And she's not much of a performer at all.
I better slow down, this is getting long winded.
Oh, perfect timing. Hunter Hayes is performing now. All I know is that he's country. Time to FF
Next up, best pop group performance. Fucking Daft Punk. Fucking Pink. Fucking Rihanna. Fucking Robin Thicke. And Daft Bitches wins. I hate them so much.  I like Pharell, but Daft Punk is sofa king stupid. We get it, you're musicians, you're weird. Where is the theater shooter guy when you need him?
Katy Perry's turn. I like this Dark Zorse song. A lot, actually. At least until it gets overplayed in 1 month. She needs to release the hounds, though. I hate when they're caged up.
Chicago & Robin Thicke seems like a weird combo. Does anybody really know what time it is? It's actually kind of appropriate Robin is singing with them, because his 15 minutes is almost up.
I figured Blurred Lines would make its appearance here. Is it weird that the Chicago guy is twerking in front of him?
Keith Urban and a black guy. Good thing I haven't caught up with the DVR yet. Sorry tem & jug. If you want to read about country in a runny diary, then do a runny diary of the CMAs
John Legend's turn. I don't think I know this song. FF
Kevin Hart is tiny. He would have to look up to LP.
Best rock song. The Rolling Stones are up for this award? And Black Sabbath? And Paul McCartney? Wft? Winner is,  Paul McCartney and Dave Grohl.
LL just had trouble saying success story. Those are hard words.
Taylor Swift's turn. You know how much I hate Daft Punk? Multiply that by 6 1/2 and that's how much Cmk hates Taylor Swift. Every time they show her on screen Cmk says under her breathe "ugh, I can't stand her"
Me: do you want to watch this?
Cmk: ::stank face:: um, nooooooo
Bruno Mars is such a doofus.
Time for Pink and her penis to perform. This is a pretty cool performance, though. But there is zero chance she's actually singing right now.
We go from a performance that looked fun to a performance with fun. ISWTGDT. Fun guy has a mustache. He should be singing in a van right now. Cmk just dropped a "ewww he has a mustache. No no no no"
Best pop solo performance goes to Lorde. She's so awkward. And so homely. But she can sing. So she wins.
Black Sabbath is really old. And they're introducing Ringo Starr. Is this a geezer Grammys or something? FF time
Jamie Foxx is hilarity. He blamed it on the a-a-a-a-a-a-alcohol. He's crushing on Beyonce right now. That has to be awkward if some dude is talking about your wife if your sitting right there.
I don't know what award this is, but Holy Grail won. Now Jay-Z has to go get the award from the guy who was just creeping on his wife. But they're bolth black so it's cool.
Kendrick Lamar and Imagine Dragons is another weird combo. I like the dragons. I'm sure tem likes them. I don't like KL with the dragons, though. Eh, I guess it's decent enough. It's all bleeped, though. And Cmk is pissed because Taylor Swift is the only person standing and dancing.
Imagine Dragons is one of the few musical acts that I think I like their live music better than the radio versions
Whoa, that chick in the crowd had a goatee. Oh sorry, that was Stephen Tyler.
Live country music. You know the drill by now.
I hope there isn't any more country. DVR is almost caught up now.
Paul McCartney on stage now. DVR is all caught up, oh well. I should go put the kids to bed.
Ok, girls are in bed. It's funny, when I put bgas1 to bed, I'll say some nursery rhymes to her and we'll sing some songs. I always find myself wanting to say the Andrew Dice Clay version of the nursery rhymes.
Ok back to the show. It was on pause, so I can FF through this Paul McCartney bit. Suiteness
Gloria Estefan looks old. Probably because she is. Makes sense.
Best pop vocal album goes to...fucking Bruno Mars. He's like 5'3". Maybe that's why he wears his hair so high. LP should try that.
Country music. Willie Nelson and Kris Kristofferson. I can deal with old country. Holy crap, Willie Nelson is talented. I think he's dead, but he's on stage singing. Look at that. Here comes Merle Haggard and Blake Shelton. The old "one of these things is not like the other, one of these things doesn't belong" tune is playing in my head right now. This old dude behind Merle has a white beard that is about 3 feet long. Mamas don't let their babies grow up to be cowboys. I am actually enjoying this set right now. Go me. Of course, cmk just said this has to be the worst performance in the world.
2 country people presenting best country album. I'm having country overload right now. Oh I hope Taylor Swift wins. Nope. The other chick, Kacey Musgraves. Never heard of her. I hope she's 18, because I'd have sex with her. If she's not 18 yet, then I wouldn't.
ok good, google just said she's 25. I'd have sex with her.
Fucking Daft Punk. And apparently Pharell glued on the ranger bob hat tonight because they haven't shown him once where he didn't have it on. I feel bad for Stevie Wonder because he has no idea what clowns these Daft Douche guys are.
This is getting long. Or maybe it already got long. Either way, I'm not done yet.
Cyndi Lauper has nice hair.
Holy crap, this girl has a giant fucking nose. Ginormous. Sarah Burelles(sp) smells better than anyone else in that building. Her nose is so big that she might smell for me, too. And you.
Song of the year. Royals is probably going to win. That's my pick. Man, that Sarah chick's nose isn't getting any smaller. Cmk just said "total jew". And Royals wins. Told you. I win. Lorde is still totes awkward. And not any cuter.
I just realized that there is 45 minutes of show left. Sorry.
Metallica is playing now. They're playing with a world renowned pianist. Pianist is a funny word. I wish I was a world renowned pianist. This is definitely turn back the clock night, though. But they are plying my favorite Metallica song, One. I'm getting One chills right now. NS. Fucking love this song. Cmk is giving me stank eye right now. Fuck her. She said she's never heard this song. Fucking bottles* my mind. This is pretty badass. I think I have a boner right now. Cmk has whatever the opposite of a boner is. She said this kind of music makes her blood boil. She's dead to me.
That chick with the goatee is on stage now with Smokey Robinson. Smokey has had some work done on his face. He can't blink.
Record of the year goes to...fuck Daft Punk. I really wish James Holmes had one night of freedom and was in that building right now. Oh wait, they're French? I couldn't not like them any more right now.
Live performance by Mackelmore right now. He has a suite bolo tie. The bitch singing in this Same Love song is freaking ya-huge. McDonalds thinks she is a beast.
So now people get married at the Grammys? And Latifah is the pastor? Wft just happened. But lots of gay people just got married. Good for them. LP is probably up in arms. And holy fuck, Madonna looks like she's 80 years old. I think she might have had a stroke or something. She looks awful.
Now a look back at people who died. I hope I'm not on that list. The world renowned pianist is back. such a great pianist. Best pianist I've witnessed in a while, actually.
Kris Kross still makes you jump, jump.
Wow, Miranda Lambert and the Green Day guy singing the Everly Bros. Nice. They fucked up the song. Well, she did. He said "I've been turned down" and she said "burned". Stupid bitch. Learn the words and then figure out if you want to be fat or skinny, and stick to one of them.
Album of the year. Jesus, what is Alicia Keys wearing? Winner is, fucking Daft. I hate awards shows.  These fucking clowns. Good thing this is almost over. If I was French, AHIIK, I guess I'd want to hide my fucking face behind a stupid helmet, too. But seriously, this whole "the robots want to say" shit has gone too far.
Now it's time for some rock in* roll. Dave Grohl, NIN, Lindsay Buckingham. I'm not really entertained by is, so I'm done. I'm tired. 

96 comments:

tem said...

good job. kacey Musgraves is hot.

Jugdish said...

I'm getting One chills right now. NS. Fucking love this song. Cmk is giving me stank eye right now. Fuck her. She said she's never heard this song. Fucking bottles* my mind. This is pretty badass. I think I have a boner right now. 

Sounds like a tp/Eddie Vedder moment

Jugdish said...

good job. kacey Musgraves is hot

agreed

He's so dreamy said...

nice work, Keith

He's so dreamy said...

"Sounds like a tp/Eddie Vedder moment"

I had hetfield chills too

Brooklon Baby said...

Nice work keef.

Blue said...

i liked Anna Kendrick's boobs

Blue said...

can't believe you didn't runny diary the probowl

Keef said...

I think tem did

Keef said...

Sounds like a tp/Eddie Vedder moment



Yeah, felt like that, too. I'm not really a ya-huge Metallica fan, though. Just that song.

tem said...

"I think tem did "

it was a runny diary of my sunday night.

pro-bowl was included.

some grammys, including that Kendrick chicks boobs.

then family guy.

then pro bowl.

then I quit writing to go try for sexy time. I succeeded. no clue how.

Blue said...

you're a charmer

Keef said...

I've almost given up on that because it pisses me off so much

H said...

I mostly liked The Metallica performance, but I feel like sometimes the pianist (you're welcome, Keith) was playing something that didn't fit the song. Like, 75% of the time, it really augmented the song, which was nice. The rest of the time, he played these whimsical little runs that were absolutely out of place for a dark song. Just MHO.

Keef said...

Better keep your mouth off of that pianist.

H said...

I bet you that pianist is a little sore

tem said...

I bet that pianist got laid last night.

Brooklon Baby said...

I here ya on rubbing one out to yonce. I did. Live.

Keef said...

No you didn't. Don't lie

Jugdish said...

I bet he did. He might be rubbing one out right now.

Keef said...

Here is grate

The Meiz said...

Good runny diary. I'm a little perturbed by all the Daft Punk vitriol.

And yes, they are megastars, maybe just not in our worlds.

The Meiz said...

K-Dot & Imagine Dragons was an incredible performance. I was rocking the entire fuck out to it.

Keef said...

I used to like the Get Lucky song. Then it was on the radio every 3 minutes. Now I hate it.
Then I see these clowns in their helmet gear. Shit is annoying

Keef said...

In what world are they megastars? Jupiter?

Blue said...

wisconsin

Blue said...

in the twitterverse

Jugdish said...

I was rocking the entire fuck out to it.


What does that look like?

tem said...

"In what world are they megastars?"

world of warcraft

Brooklon Baby said...

RADIOACTIVE
RADIOACTIVE

Brooklon Baby said...

This means you hate Deadmau5 too?

Keef said...

What does that look like?

Keef said...

I don't know what a Deadmau5 is

Keef said...

RADIOACTIVE
RADIOACTIVE


I was rocking the fuck out to that part and bgas told me it's not radioactive, it's ready to rock you.

Brooklon Baby said...

Bgas is a smartass I see. Wadr.

Keef said...

Or she's 2 and thought those were the words

tem said...

can't it be both?

The Meiz said...

"In what world are they megastars? Jupiter?"


You'd be surprised by the number of people that listen to EDM.

Keef said...

I guess we have different ideas of what a megastar is. I wouldn't consider a megastar to be confined to one genre and basically has 1 hit that is known by people who aren't fans of that genre

The Meiz said...

"and basically has 1 hit that is known by people who aren't fans of that genre"

Around The World?
One More Time?
Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger?

I'm sure there's a couple more I'd know.

Jugdish said...

What does that look like?

hilarity

Keef said...

Harder, Better, Faster, Stronger?



That's Yeezus

S

Keef said...

It's OK if I hate a group that you like.

H said...

If everyone had the same taste, Baskin Robbins wouldn't need 31 flavors.

tem said...

unless everyone liked all 31

H said...

-_-

The Meiz said...

"It's OK if I hate a group that you like."

I would say I like Daft Punk, I don't mind them. You just seem to be taking their gimmick a little personally.

And turn off that stupid FM radio.

Keef said...

Gimmicks are dumb. It makes people think they have more talented than they actually do. If you're talented enough, you don't need a gimmick

Keef said...

And turn off that stupid FM radio.


I can only listen to so much sports talk

The Meiz said...

iPod

The Meiz said...

"I would say I like Daft Punk"

Typo. Should say wouldn't

Keef said...

iPod


Cmlp lost it

Blue said...

ipod?

how do you know what songs to put on your ipod?

Blue said...

anyone using an ipod is a dinosaur these days

Keef said...

I boat* an Ipod about 2010 or maybe 2011. Haven't used it in about 2 years.

Keef said...

how do you know what songs to put on your ipod?



Yeah mize, How do you know?

Keef said...

I listed to pandora when I'm at H&D* at night.

Keef said...

listen

The Meiz said...

"Yeah mize, How do you know?"


Twitter usually tells me. And this here internet.

The Meiz said...

And music charts

The Meiz said...

and Spotify

The Meiz said...

"anyone using an ipod is a dinosaur these days"

The battery life on phones blows. And all my shit is on iTunes, not compatible with Android if I'm not mistaken.

Keef said...

Twitter usually tells me. And this here internet.

January 27, 2014 at 4:40 PM
The Meiz said...
And music charts




Ain't nobody got time to spend all day downloading music

Blue said...

somebody has that kind of time.

I'm not saying who

Keef said...

fucking mize

Blue said...

downloading music to ipod

Keef said...

blue knows

The Meiz said...

"Ain't nobody got time to spend all day downloading music"

All day? Do you have dial-up?

Anywho, I'd imagine your car has at least an auxiliary jack. Plug your phone into that.

Brooklon Baby said...

Keef should get an iPod instead of headphones for his birthday

The Meiz said...

I think he said he has one, but just doesn't use it.

Keef said...

LP is learning how to read

Keef said...

I'm getting an iPhone next month

The Meiz said...

Fuck an iPhone

Keef said...

Just got in on another class action suit

Keef said...

Fuck an iPhone



This Android licks my balls. Slow as fuck, and the camera is terrible.

Keef said...

So csil finally got prego and told her family....like 3-4 weeks into it. She told them before she ever went to the doc. Then last week she was having weird complications and lost it. I think she was like 6 weeks in. Sucks, but that's why you wait to tell.

He's so dreamy said...

iPhone is grate.

The Meiz said...

"This Android licks my balls. Slow as fuck, and the camera is terrible."

Sorry to hear that. I love my GS3.

The Meiz said...

"iPhone is grate."

Shut up, jizz boy.

The Meiz said...

"Sucks, but that's why you wait to tell."

Yep. Bad news bears.

The Meiz said...

"Just got in on another class action suit"

What for?

And why does this never happen to me? Like, why didn't I know about the EA NCAA one?

tem said...

I don't know. why didn't you know?

The Meiz said...

"I don't know. why didn't you know?"

I don't know

tem said...

oh.

He's so dreamy said...

"Shut up, jizz boy"

your face is full of jizz

tem said...

I have no advice on the topic

Keef said...

What for?


This one is the best one.

I had a couple credit cards go into default a while back. Paid one off to an attorney. The one I'm currently paying off, a lawsuit was filed against me. The class action suit says "if Midland Credit Management, Inc. filed a lawsuit against you, you may benefit from this class action settlement.
So, I'm in on a class action suit for being irresponsible when I was younger

Keef said...

What a country!

Keef said...

Aja, I wish I wasn't eligible for this class action suit.

tem said...

play the lottery.

The Meiz said...

"So, I'm in on a class action suit for being irresponsible when I was younger"


Unbelievable.

The Meiz said...

"I had a couple credit cards go into default a while back. Paid one off to an attorney. The one I'm currently paying off, a lawsuit was filed against me."

Fucking bobbleheads

The Meiz said...

So I discovered Global Entry today via my buddy who is a roadie. That shit's wild.

The Meiz said...

You guys are going to love this.

I got invited to a 10 person meeting with the new president of my company this Thursday. The theme of the meeting is thoughts & ideas on how to improve the company.

Gobble it up, boys.

Keef said...

A focus group

Keef said...

Fucking bobbleheads



Ha. That was right at the end of my irresponsibility

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