Thursday, December 25, 2014

Christmas

BUT DO YOU RECALLLLLLLLLLLLLL
THE MOST FAMOUS REINDEER OF ALL!!!!

MERRY CHRISTMAS boys!

God Bless the children. Spoil them, they are precious.

Friday, December 19, 2014

Roasted Chicken and Red Wine

Hi how is everyone?
You have everything set for xmas?
What's the big kid gift this year?
Any time off?

Please don't answer any of the above questions. I'm sure you answered them a million times in your own corp settings.

Real story on WWL : "New England has the only NFL offense that changes its game plan each week to attack opponents' flaws. " - Thought everyone did that? Isn't that kind of the point of studying tape. So confused.

I'm a little surprised they benched Cutler, despite his poor season isn't he still the guy there? Don't they need to work together? Meaning Trestman, Cutty and the OC guy? Or fuck it they will clean house.

Looks like, to my count, 7 jobs will be open. Seems high.
Oak, Miami, Jets, Niners, Bears, Falcons, and a wild card or surprise if you will.

For me it's a toss up between Jay Gruden resigning or Bengals firing Lewis if they miss the playoffs. If they fire Lewis people will march and yell Black Lives Matter. Also small chance Ron Rivera goes. Giants are keeping Coughlin. Guaranteed.

10% chance Sean Payton leaves or gets fired. Just a feeling. Even though him and Brees are so connected.

I'm hoping Harbaugh takes the money. GO BLUE!

Starting watching Sons of Anarchy. So far so good.

Pickles.

If Philly doesn't smash Washington then Jameis Winston is involved somehow.

San Fran because Rivers possibly out.

Sota with a huge road win sealing Philbins fate.

Baltimore because they need to keep pace in the wild wild North chase.

Detroit because Claussen is not the answer.

Carolina because Manziel is Troy Smith / Billick

New Orleans because Superdome.

Green Bay because no fucking way.

Burgh because KC doesn't throw the football.

New England because they study tape better than everyone else.

Giants because of course they will finish 7-9 to frustrate their fan base and not force any changes.

Oakland because Derek Carr is a stud.

Indy because Luck has played shitty three weeks in a row.

Seattle because they are dominating right now.

Denver because Dalton.


======)> - - - - (:

Friday, December 12, 2014

El Pad's Xmas Wish List 2014 version

I want all of these things but will get none of these things.

Still looking for that Taser.....
A case of Booker's Bourbon. It is simply my favorite on earth.
Microsoft Surface Pro laptop/tablet
One of those cordless screwdrivers, whichever one allows you to change the angle and has a little light.
Silpat silicone baking sheets
a Charles Thyrwitt gift certificate so I can buy my dress shirts
All of Michael Ruhlman's cookbooks
Air Jordan 11's
Bose SoundTouch Wi-Fi music system
A nice pair of cufflinks
Pat La Frieda's MEAT book and a 5 pounds of his Shake Shack hamburger blend
A squatty potty, for less stressful shits

Pickles.
Steelers -1
Chris Rock called Rothlisberger the Bill Cosby of the NFL. Ha.

Giants -6.5
What a mess the Skins are.

Miami +7.5
Everyone is picking New England to be in the Super Bowl right now.

KC -10
I really like Carr but the Cheifs are due.

Indy -7
Luck can suck sometimes ya know.

Bal -14
GB -4
Rodgers is certainly the best.

Car -3
Cle -1
Johnny. Football.

Jets -2
Den -4
Det -9.5

SF +10
Whoa. Vegas is mad sour on SF huh? Doesn't help thier QB is a mental midget.

Philly -3
NO -2.5
How do you pick the Bears for anything right now?

Friday, December 05, 2014

Ice Pops

Man Kim Kardashian visiting the troops. I can still hear the fapping.

Mikey Rourke strikes me as that actor who talks like he is in a movie all the time.

Oil is backing Putin into a corner. The ruble is crashing. He is getting desperate which makes him dangerous.

Harbaugh in Ann Arbor? If I'm AD at Michigan I hand my program over to Greg Schiano. That motherfucker can coach.

We have a local weather person here for ABC, her name is Amy Freeze. Perfect name. Also she has big tits.

Meiz are you on Tinder? Or is pussy still not a priority for you?

If animals were gay I think Giraffes would be the gayest.

I think excessive force was used during the Eric Garner arrest and I think the cop should have been indicted on manslaughter charges. I wouldn't call that murder. I'm surprised he got off. Well not surprised because prosecutors and cops lie in the same bed but the evidence seemed overwhelming. I don't even mind the chokehold to take him down but once he said he couldn't breath, let go. There are 5 of you. I'm sure he could have been contained and even if he starting swinging out of it he was already on the floor. Pathetic. I'm surprised they bothered a fat dude selling loosies outside a store. There has to be something more pressing to resolve than untaxed cigarette sales? Also, that's ATF's job. Go get the REAL drugs off the street.

The Ferguson grand jury got it right. That dude was a piece of shit and put the cop in an impossible situation. With that said, I don't think beat cops are trained properly or given the proper tools to defend themselves. Rubber bullets, tasers, old-fashioned night sticks.

Terminator Genysis trailer is HDH but I'm totally confused. John Conner is sent back in time to save his mother?
Or is the Terminator sent back in time and to the future to bring down Skynet?

Fucking Skynet.

Pickles.

Cincy -3
(Dalton is Cutler 2.0 with less zip)
Stl -3
(Tre Mason time)
Giants pick em
(Jints lead the league, again, in players on injured reserve, by a mile too)
Carolina +10
(Cam Newton took two steps back this year, quietly a non story for some reason)
Jets +6
(It's fucking cold in Minnesota right now)
Miami -2.5
(Why isn't Richie Incognito playing football but Jonathan Martin is?)
Indy -3.5
(I don't believe in Hoyer, Pettine is playing himself right now)
Det -10.5
(Run it Detroit, you will need the running game in the post season)
Jax +6
(If I see another JJ Watt story I'm going to murder someone)
Denver -10
(They are lock city at home in the regular season)
KC -1
(Cheifs get off the snide, Arizona has real injury problems and Stanton is not taking them anywhere)
Sea +1
(Because defense travels and it's rounding into form)
SF -8
(Not a road game, Kaepernick will never be a franchise QB, he is so immature)
NE -3.5
(Like I said earlier in the year, coming off a loss the Pats are basically indestructable)
GB -13
(Good god the Falcons have no shot)




Sunday, November 30, 2014

Turkey sucks

Ravens
Giants
Cards
Saints
Kc
Pats
Texans
Vikes
Bengals
Bills
Oak
Colts

Friday, November 21, 2014

Jungle Fever

It's snowing in Buffalo.

Is Ebola still a thing?

How is Tebow on the SEC network? Does anyone outside of the gulf coast area watch that channel?

I'm not comparing the Cosby thing to the Paterno thing because Joe Pa didn't touch anyone but it is eerily similar. Fall from grace, old people, rapey, etc.

Christmas is here.

Homeland is straight fire right now.

You will be taking the Mets seriously next year. All of you.

Never had Gumbo.

What's Spiff up to?

Pix
Record, ask Keef

Falcons -3
Titans +11
Detroit +7.5
Green Bay -9.5
Jax +14
Cincy +1
Jets + 3
Bears -6
Arizona +7
St Loo +4
Denver -7
SF -10
Giants +3
Balt +3


Friday, November 14, 2014

clubbing penguins

Sammy Watkins hair is too long. You would think speedsters wouldn't want all that drag.

Finished True Detective finally. HOLY MOLY.

Collitch Bball starts. Pitino vs. Pitino. WHO YA GOT.

30 for 30's are so solid

Jameis Winston seems like a bad dude.

ISIS prints thier own money now. This is not good.

People know we've seen Kardashian (younger and hotter than she is now) sucking cock on video right? Who cares she posed nude for a publication no one heard of? WTF am I missing?

Story of the week is a comissioner of one of the top 4 pro sports all for legal gambling on sports....

Don't believe the hype, Economy is worse than ever.

This may shock some of you but at Apple's stock price now, hitting all time highs (again) I think it's just now starting to ripen, think it could even double within 24 months. Do with that info as you may.

Pinch me! We got Michael Cuddyer!

Sad that chick from Real World died from cancer.

The concert for valor was cool.

Pickles

Makes no sense the Bears are favored (-2.5) so I will just take them.

BROWNS -3 over Texans, insane cover of SI this week saying JJ WATT could be MVP. So absurd. In this day and age of QB and passing game he has as much of a shot at winning MVP than Ray Rice. Whoever wrote that fucking sucks.

KC-2 over Hawks, KC playing really well going to be a pain in the ass in the tourney if they score a Wild Card spot.

Atlanta +1 over CAROLINA, two steaming piles of NFC South crap going at it, I hope RED ZONE shows no part of this game. I'll just watch the TD montage before they go off air.

NO-7 over Cincy, Get the feeling the Bengals are in a bit of a tailspin here......

WASH -9 over Tampa, Joey Gruden, nephew of John son of Jay plays basketball for the Dayton Flyers. Fun Fact.

Denver -10 over RAMS, watch out for the sneaky special team tricks Bronco coaches they will try anything to keep the ball away from Peyton. Jeff Fisher knows.

GIANTS +4 over Niners, That 49er QB is such a bitch. I hate him so much.

Oak +10 over SD, Sparano is like undefeated ATS except for when he plays Peyton.

GB -6 over Philly, great game - real test for the new wetback hero of South Philly, we'll see how well he plays in cold temps in front of a juiced up Packer crowd

AZ -1 over Lions, big time game wish it was the national game

NE +3 over Indy, isn't Belichick like 99-1 off a bye?

Pit -6 over TITANS, ugh can we flex this game to London or Islamabad and put the AZ/DET game in this time slot?


Don't worry about the title, just trying to draw some traffic here.


Friday, November 07, 2014

wahhhh

My life is out of control busy. I work the equivalent to 7 days a week, sometimes actually 7 consecutive days. Close to 70 hours a week. I need a real vacation. I feel my temper at my day job creeping up to aitch type boston brawl level.

Move ya facking faggit.

Cincy
Buffalo
Detroit
Jax
Saints
Ravens
Jets
Falcons
Denver
Arizona
Seattle
Green Bay
Philly

what have you guys been up to.

Friday, October 31, 2014

Boo! (Get it?)

World Series analysis
Doesn't matter how much he weighs The Panda can RAKE.
He was like a spanish Tony Gywnn this post-season.
Bumgarner throws alot of high fastballs that generate alot of outs. Is that a riser?
Giants winning without thier best hitting player doing anything of value. (Posey)
Joe Buck's double play call in Game 7 - Could be, Should be, Is. Double Play!
Harold Reynolds fawning over EVERYTHING
Fuck Marlin Man.

Other anaylsis
Hope my kids get a ton of SPK's.
Lil man is Captain America, girl is Spidergirl. (Feeling Marvelous) (Get it?)
Interstellar will not live up to the hype because the hype is a fucking skyscraper.
How does that Disney/Marvel deal look now haters?
Knicks are good. S.

Picks
Record : Keef knows

BROWNS - 7 over Bucs
Logic: Don't take the Bucs for the rest of the year under any circumstance.

Az +4 over COWBOYS
Dallas in trouble. Exposed by Jim Haslett. He layeth the blueprint. Bowles will follow it and then some. Immobile Romo.

HOUSTON +2 over Philly
Philly's o line is banged up.

KC -10 over Jets
How do I take the Jets they are brutal.

Jax +11 over BENGALS
That's a lot of points to give when your QB has red hair.

SD +2.5 over Miami
A week to stew over the beating Manning put to them last Thursday the Chargers will roll Miami.

Skins even over VIKES
RG!!! is ba....... Oh man looks like his right leg exploded. He's out.

ST Loo +10 over SF
Seems high.

Den -3 over BRADY
It's the Manning vs. Brady! CBS execs are having a bukakke party right now at headquarters.

Oakland +16 over SEATTLE
Too much inconsistency to lay wood like that.

Bal -2 over STILLIRS
Bethca big ben doesn't throw 6 tds and over 500 yards again? How much you wanna bet.

Indy -3 over GIANTS


Friday, October 24, 2014

Mettenberger Time

Just doesn't roll off the tongue like Tebow Time

I hope one day some team signs Tebow so Adam Schefter explodes like he got hit from that gun Terry Crews wields in The Expendables.

Detroit -3.5 over Atlanta
No home team this game will be over before you knew it was on. Cheeri-o! They are boratcasting* it at 9am. Sorry West Coast. You are deprived of the shitty Falcons run defense. If there were a team in London, permanently I wonder what they would call it. I mean a new team. Like expansion. Not the fucking Jaguars. How about the Hogwarts? Or the Tea Bags!

Unrelated they should allow or we should force a team based in the U.S. in the Premiere League. That's soccer. If they get a NFL team we get a soccer team. Whats fair is fair god damn it.

KC- 7 over Rams
Austin Davis in Arrowhead. Yikes.

TITANS -2.5 over Houston
See the Post title.

Minny +2.5 over TAMPA
Think Lovie Smith is thinking shit I should have waited a year for a better job to open?

CAROLINA +5 over Seattle
Juicy home dog.

Baltimore -1 over CINCY
Two teams going in the opposite direction. A.J. Green's toe is killing them.

Miami -6 over JAX
Tannyhill been sick since his coach called him out.

Bears +6 over PATS
A lot of shit swirling around the Bears this week.

JETS -2.5 over Buffalo
Bills are one dimensional right now with a noodle armed QB.

AZ -2.5 over Philly
The Cards are for realz.

Oak +6.5 over BROWNS
Too many points. Is that the Browns giving more than a TD? WTF.

Colts -3 over STEELERS
Steelers are dogshit. Rothlisberger is not black enough.

SAINTS -1.5 over Packers
They're back!

Skins +10 over BOYS
Easy they ain't THAT good. Feed Alfie Mo, control clock. BLITZ.



Friday, October 17, 2014

Lamb Frites

Hitting a game winning home run to win the pennant must be the best, I can't think of a greater individual achievement in sports (obvi, if that were WS even better). But I tried to come up with something similar. Game winning three as time expired in basketball? Nah. Because you don't get to run a lap after. Floating around the base paths is the added touch I think. Game winning FG? Relax bro you're a kicker. You're SUPPOSED to make that.

In order to properly quarintine people who have had contact with Ebola you need to forcefully do it. Use Martial Law or something. People are retarded. Never give them the benefit of the doubt. Never.

Halloween is stupid.

38-48

BAL -7.5 over Falcons
Atlanta sucks. They suck worse on the road. NEXT.
Unlrelted I drove around Baltimore coming back from DC two weekends ago because of some I-95 nightmare detour calamity and the Ravens stadium is really purple. Looks like Barney got shot.

SKINS -5.5 over Titans
I got nothing. Other than DC is a cool town.

Seattle -7 over RAMS
How long is the Jeff Fisher leash you think? I say keep him, have to have some continuity these days in the NFL. Not his fault Bradford's knees are made from Polly-O string cheese.

JAX +5.5 over Browns
Gross.

INDY -3 over Bengals
Home team decisions. Is Pep that guys real name or like a nickname that just stuck? You think Andrew Luck crushes ass or nah? He's so weird.

Vikes +6 over BILLS
How dare the Bills be favored by a TD. They should throw the ball to Sammy Watkins every down.

BEARS -3 over Miami
Get your shit together Chicago.

DETROIT -2.5 over Saints
I don't know either of these teams. Lions seem like they are figuring it out though.

Carolina +6.5 over GREEN BAY
Munn Muff.

SD-4 over Cheifs
BRANDEN OLIVER! Guy runs like the a mini Nigerian nightmare.

AZ -3.5 over RAIDERS
Arians seems alright. Steelers have been terrible on offense since he left by the way. Or since they forced him to leave I mean.

NYG+7 over COWBOYS
All of a sudden Jerry Jones is a great GM. Would have been fired 5 times already if he had a boss. Took him 10 years to build an offensive line big deal. So happy people in Dallas have Ebola.

DENVER -7 over SF
I think I really hate Kaepernick. Not sure but I get angry when he does well. I think it's the swaggy dickish way he carries himself. Manning on record breaking nights is like unreal, national TV too?

Houston +3 over STEELERS
Pittsburgh is 12-0 on MNF. Ends this Monday. Turn down for Watt.


Friday, October 10, 2014

El Pad's Weekly Betting Disasters

32-40

So hockey now huh. Alrighty.

Phil Ivey is a greedy motherfucker huh?

Seems like 49er fans fight people alot. Fucking patos locos forever holmes.

You know what's dumb to me. This chick at work is doing like a charity drive for animals. Charities for animals are dumb. Because they are animals not people. The only charity associated with animals I like is Pets for vets ( i think that's the name) where fostered pets go to the homes of veterans returning from war zones. Anything for vets I'm in. And petting a happy dog probably stops them from killing themselves from PTSD trauma.

Adrian Petersons charity sounds cool.

Key and Peele are on fire.

PIKS

Jax +6 over TITANS
GET YOU ONE JVILLE. GET YOU ONE! They win outright.

TAMPA +3 over Ravens
There are still a few teams that I have no read on yet. And may never so I'll just side witht he home dog points. The Bucs do look a whole lot better with Glennon under center though. Which everyone knew besides Lovie. Sad it took an injury for the switch to happen. I think Rainey needs more touches. Especially with their WR corp banged up. And try that Austin-Sefarin Jenkins fellow at TE. He should see 10 looks a game. Fantasy reasons aside I'm serious. He fits the Jimmy Graham/Tony Gonzalez school of TE's (that is TE's that played college ball).

JETS +11 over Broncos
I keep taking the Jets and they keep shitting themselves. Either this ship is sinking faster than even I can imagine or that defense wakes up and starts playing competitive football again. It's ashamed during Rex's tenure he's never given one fuck about his offense. Not a good head coach. You can't be on the defensive headset all game buddy. You're the head coach not the defensive coordinator. Tough year for the Ryan boys.

Detroit -1.5 over VIKES
BILLS +3 over Pats
Carolina +7 over BENGALS

Jeopardy answer for you guys. Ready?

The Lions, Bills and Panthers.
Question : What other teams does El Pad have no fucking clue on yet and may not for the remainder of the year?

Daily Double.

But seriously. Who are the Lions? All this talent, middle of the pack team offensively. It feels like Schwartz is still coaching this team. The Bills. No identity offensively, can go from a leaky defense to a stout defense on a play to play basis. And the Panthers? Jekyll and Hyde defense which is a far cry from the unit Rivera oversaw last year. And no running game to speak of. None. 85% same roster. Don't get it.

BROWNS -2 over Steelers
The Browns is that kid you used to play ball against back on the playground or schoolyard where you'd beat him reguarly every summer but then he sprouted up over the school year - got real wiry and his adam apple dropped and he got that ridiculous pubey mustache with pimples everywhere and now it's a fucking job to beat him. And sometimes he beats you, for the first time. I think I'm trying to say the Browns just may be on the cusp of turning the corner.

Green Bay -3 over FINS
How many hamburgers do you think Mike McCarthy can eat? Probably like 4 or 5 right? He probably crushes white castle suitcases on film nights.

San Diego -7 over RAIDERS
Sparano buried a ball. Cute. He should have buried the GM. And Richard Seymour's contract. And Mark Davis's face.

FALCONS -3 over Bears
True road/home split team. Just like New Orleans. Also the Devin Hester story to this game is a factor. Same way the Ravens/Panthers - Steve Smith Sr. thing. But less violent and less anger.

SEATTLE -? over Cowboys
First of all this line is all over the place. I'm seeing 7.5 - 10. So whatever it goes off as I'll take. Cowboys are playing real well but Seattle is a dominant team at home. Feels like the game where Murray gets hurt. Then Romo falls apart.

ARIZONA -3.5 over Skins
Line would be higher if the Cardinals had a QB penciled in. Losing feeling in a shoulder sounds like a shitty injury for a QB. Don't think it matters the Washington franchise is a mess right now.

PHILLY -2.5 over Giants
Gmen will find a way to let Philly off the hook again. The Eagles have to be the worst 4-1 team. They have like 8 non-offensive TD's. Some teams don't get that in a season. Maybe they are doing a good job of forcing all those mistakes or maybe they are lucky. Either way fuck them I hate Philly and all the awful people that live there.

ST LOO +3 over Niners
Start Wainwright at QB. The fuck is this game. I hate when Execs get cute and try and predict juicy matchups. Not sure how the selection process happens, as far as who picks first. But let's say after CBS picks their prime game and Fox picks theres ESPN goes before NBC. Rams/Niners is the pick? If in fact NBC wnet after ESPN they must have laughed so hard before picking Philly/NY.













Friday, October 03, 2014

I'm the worst

23-36

No clue what it going on. Better off having a groundhog emerge from the ground to make the picks.

I will soilder on.

CAROLINA +2.5 over Bears
When I was in North Carolina earlier this year I drove by Bank of America stadium, by the whay they should just rename Charlotte, Bank of America because thier logo is everywhere. I think they make up 90% of the downtown business. Anyway I saw a giant wrap around Cam Newton image of him screaming and doing the superman chest thing. Thought that was cool.

TITANS -1 over Browns
Thought the Titans would be competitive the past two weeks. Vs. Cincy and the Colts they got manhandled. Those teams are light years ahead of the Browns.

Rams +7.5 over PHILLY
Wonder what teams are ATS off a bye week...with a chance to prepare for two weeks vs. one team? I like the points.

GIANTS -4 over Falcons
Are the Giants finally settling in to that offense? If so.....rut ro. If not.....sad face.

Tampa +10 over SAINTS
WFT. 10 points.

Houston +6.5 over DALLAS
I'm afraid the Cowboys are not world beaters just yet. Jesus media. YOU WANNA ANNOINT THEY ASS?! ANNOINT THEM. THEY ARE WHO WE THOUGHT THEY WERE.

DETROIT -7 over Buffalo
OG Neckbeard is hilarity.

INDY -3 over Ravens
Baltimore use to be the Colts. True story.

Steelers -6 over JAX
Should have signed Tebow.

Arizona +7.5 over BRONCOS
Interesting game for the Cardinals. Measuring stick.

KC +6.5 over NINERS
JETS +7 over Chargers
Nothing to see here. Move along.

Cincy -1 over NE
We will be swimming in tears of joy once the engals manhandle the Pats on prime time tv. Back to back beatings on TV. Gonna be suite.

Seattle -7.5 over SKINS
I'm going to D.C. this weekend. Little R&R. Not to see this game. Maybe I'll see if CMP wants to go to a Nats game.

Friday, September 26, 2014

El Pad's weekly betting column

F-22's are awesome. I want one. I like the balls our Obama sprouted the other day.
Joe Philbin is a terrible head coach.
Is it me or does Ron Rivera had a fucked up eye?
Halloween shit everywhere.
MALLOMARS. DET.
Fall weather is the best. . (period) .
What the fuck is Mike Martz up to.
Taking the wife to D.C. for a weekend away from life.
DC City Center thing looks nice.
Georgetown is lovely.
News cycle blows by so fast did they find that fucking plane yet?
Simmons biting the hand that feeds him.....

PICK ME.

18-28

Packers -1.5 over BEARS
Relax everyone, just relax. Olivia Munn's muff has nothing to do with my shitty play. Blame McCarthy. He hasn't had snatch in 12 years. - Rodgers (mustache emoji)

Buffalo +3 over HOUSTON
So much for that feel good Buffalo vibe. Good vibrations stop real quick when you get manhandled at home. Thing is the Chargers are pretty fucking good. At least right now they are. These teams are fairly even so I'll side with the FG.

Titans +7.5 over COLTS
Playing Jacksonville solves problems. I don't what happened to the Titans last week. They pulled a Bucs. I see this being closer than the experts think.

Carolina +3 over BALTIMORE
When the NFL zigs. You zag. That means I have no fucking clue.

JETS -1 over Detroit
All that offense and besides smacking the Giants around the Lions have not looked explosive. Vick please.

STEELERS -7.5 over Bucs
Though I think the Bucs will play better. I can't take them right now.

Miami -3.5 over RAIDERS
Tannyhill gonna rip the Raiders a new one. In foggy London town. Save his job. For a week. Hope Justin Tuck likes playing with his extra 2MM in cash while he miserably loses 12 games a year until he retires.

SD -14 over Jax
This line could be 21 and I'd not consider Jacksonville. Although........BORTLES!

Atl -3 over BRIDGEWATERS!
I hope Teddy razzles and dazzles.

Philly +4.5 over NINERS
San Fran just ain't right. We all called it. We're all right.

New Orleans -3 over DALLAS
Saints gonna drop nutsacks on Dallas.

KC +3 over Pats
Home dog on Monday night? Yes please. FYI Brady looks sort of ordinary. Push the button?

Friday, September 19, 2014

El Pad's Weekly Betting Not Advice

Uncle Ron quit cuz he cheated on his wife? Seems weird.
The market likes that Scotland stayed with the U.K.
If you stand in line for an iPhone you are retarded.
Fucking Alibaba
I say make Neo the new Cheif of Oracle now that Ellison is retiring.
J Lo is the OG of butts. Ok. OG. Hail to the queen.
Butts are so hot right now.
Pandora finally got around to playing "Round Here" by the Counting Crows on my "Campfire" playlist. Every fucking Crows song but that they played. Assholes.
Bruno Mars sketch in SNL where he was the Pandora voice during outages was tremendous.
Wish Buddy Holly never died. I bet he would have put out some incredible stuff had he lived past his 22nd birthday. Like why did we get 30 years of Waylon Jennings and not 30 years of Buddy Holly?

"Neil Patrick Harris And David Burtka Reenacted The Meatball Scene From ‘Lady And The Tramp’"
That headline made me throw up in my mouth a bit.

Week 3
11-20

BUFFALO -2.5 over Chargers
I went from thinking the Bills were a doormat to thinking they are a playoff team in three weeks. There is no NFL barometer. It's all hocus pocus. This just in : Rivers wife is pregnant. $50 says when Rivers retires they have a reality show on TV with all thier kids on like the Lifetime channel. A new "Phillip & The Christians" tonight 9pm only on Lifetime.

Dallas -1 over RAMS
Rams looked better. Dallas looked better. Although didn't it seem like the Titans kind of played shitty like not from a result of the Cowboys playing well? I don't know they had like 6 FG's. Either way the Rams seem on track for a 4-12 season which I would assume would put Fisher in the hot seat. I know he's been leveled with injuries, specifically, Bradford but maybe employing a decent backup would have been smat*? Like a strong veteran or TEEEEBOOOOOWWWWW. And just smashmouth run the ball 70% of the time and play D.

PHILLY -6.5 over Redskins
If Philly can start a game like they end them they'd be dominant. Formula seems to be they rely on that 4th quarter energy to score points. The Eagles make love then fuck. You know what I mean?

GIANTS +2 over Texans
Foster looks teriffic by the way but alot of people look good vs. the Raiders. This game is going to be a mess but I think the G-men get on the board here.

SAINTS -10.5 over Vikings
Remember when the Saints had to deal with all those distractions from Bountygate? Saints get right on their carpet.

Titans +7 over BENGALS
Titans are one of the few teams that match up with the Bengals in the trenches. Which is the Bengals strong suit. Hobbled A.J. Green, bye next week, Burfict out - forget the 7 I think the Titans get a road dog win.

Baltimore -1.5 over BROWNS
If anyone knows the whereabouts of Torrey Smith please contact Joe Flacco and Gary Kubiak at 410-266-2012. $500 reward.

DETROIT -2.5 over Green Bay
I think it's clear to us all that the Lions are better than the Packers. Especially at home. Is Caldwell the guy to push all the right buttons? The Lions won't see a defense like the Panthers the rest of the year. So chalk up last weeks struggles to the Panthers stout defense.

Indy -7.5 over JAX
If there is a lock of the year that wasn't the week one lock of the year it's this one. Just trust me. MORTGAGE ME!

PATS -14 over Raiders
No comment.

San Fran -3 over ARIZONA
I mean I'd need at least a TD to side with Drew fucking Stanton. The Giants self-destructed last week. Stanton was awful to slightly less awful at best. Who heads butt a woman?

Denver +5 over SEATTLE
Give me those Peyton Manning seeking revenge points!!! I got $100 that says Peyton practiced this whole week using 747 engine turbines to mimic the decibel level in Seattle. Welker back. Even he doesn't catch a ball he will make a difference. How is this game not on primetime either Sunday or Monday night? Jets-Bears / Carolina-Pittsburgh?

Cheifs +4 over FINS
When in doubt take the points. Both teams scuffling.

CAROLINA -2 over Burgh
Dat D.

JETS -2.5 over Bears
Aren't the Bears shitty vs. the run? Isn't the run the Jets strongest look?

Better Than El Pad's Weekly Betting Advice


I gotta ask. You guys ever knock one out in the woman's room at work?  I'd do it every day if it wasn't for all these laws about lewd acts.  It's retarded that a guy can't just rub one out whenever or wherever he wants.
/LP

I've been eating bratwurst almost every day since some time in July.  I don't mind though.  Twenty pounds of brats for $20 is a tremendous savings on food.  I'm not having much variety, but fuck it, cheap food.  You all know by now how I feel about paying for food.

Fucking Broors.  I can't believe they were 19 games over .500 this season.  As of typing this, they sit at 6 over.  Weird thing is I feel better about the Brewers taking over the division lead than I do about them making the play-in game.  It's dumb, but that's how I feel.  Also, I really like Matt Clark.  I know, SSS, but he was raking it in AAA.  Speaking of AAA, the Brewers got fucked over by Nashville, and now the AAA club is stuck in fucking Colorado Springs for at least two years.  Yeah, that's not going to ruin our pitching prospects.

HOLY SHIT, those Buccaneers uniforms are horrific.  Tem, WFT?

Speaking of the Bucs, Tem, can you give us the story of how or why you're a Buccaneers fan in the comments?

I think that's enough, on to my picks.  I'm using the current MGM Mirage lines.

San Diego +2.5 over BUFFALO
How on earth are the Bills favored in this game?

Dallas +1 over ST LOUIS
I understand that the Cowboys defense stinks, but the Rams -1 without Tavon Austin?  Not buying it.

Skins +6.5 over Philly
Taking a flyer on this one.  Washington can control the pace if they run the offense through Alfie Mo.

GIANTS +2.5 over Houston
LP says the Giants stink. I'm rooting for some kind of a shootout here.  Get Victor the Rock.  Fantasy reasons.

SAINTS -10 over Minnesota
I just think the Saints are gonna peterroll the Vikes.

Titans +7 over BENGALS
Just a feeling.  Jake Locker doesn't actually suck, and AJ Green might not play.

Baltimore -1 over BROWNS
Flacco, Smith, Smith, Pitta, Daniels.  That should be enough.

Sheesh


Ted Norris rules

LIONS! -2.5 over Green Bay
Fuck the Packers.  47-17

Indy -7 over JACKSONVILLE
Andy Luck is awesome, the Jags are dreadful

NEW ENGLAND -14 over Oakland
Awful West Coast team traveling all the way east.  They're cooked.

San Fran -3 over ARIZONA
Because San Fran vs Arizona

SEATTLE -5 over Denver
Crowd's gonna be hyped, and the Hawks are gonna be amped to show the Super Bowl was no fluke.

Kansas City +4 over THE FISH*
How the fuck are the Dolphins favored by over a field goal in this game?

CAROLINA -3 over Pittsburgh
Cam & 'em might could mollywop the Stillers.  Panthers are damn good.

Bears +3 over JETS
The Jets stink.  Let's be real here.  And I'm starting Cutty over Peyton in the Brew Crew Ball league.

Well, there it is, LP.  Your turn.
  







Friday, September 12, 2014

El Pad's Weekly Betting Advice

First some randomness. How hard is it to eat no carbs for breakfast and why would someone choose to do that? Further let's say you didn't like eggs? Or egg whites. That makes it almost impossible right? Also for the working man who doesn't eat breakfast at home it's really hard to do that.

What's the deal with vitamins? Do you guys take a multi vitamin? How come the kinds available are priced so different? Like shouldn't all vitamins be about the same price. I mean if they all contain vitamins wouldn't you think they would get sourced in a similar way? Maybe it's because a brand like Nature's Way contains more natural additives than say Centrum which may or may not contain pulverized sheet metal bits. I feel I get enough vitamins or my daily allowance of vitamins through my meals but I'm probably dead wrong about that. My Dr. tried to sell me on Vita-Lea brand vitamins. They are like $30. He must be in bed with the sales rep or something.

Wife is funny, she's obsessed with everything about Fall season but Football. We got pumpkin candles all over the place, I saw the Halloween decoration tote in the hallway which means they'll be up soon. She's pumped. Then, football is on today too? So it's on Thursday now? Sunday and Monday? (And Satruday if you count college) R A, R?

unto my picks......Think Keef pointed out to everyone it was a rough first week. Still getting to know some teams. I got 5-11. Oof.

Miami -1 over BUFFARRO
Interesting game to pick considering both teams were impressive in Week one victories. Dolphins riding a high of beating the Pats pretty handily in their home opener and the Bills coming off an impressive overtime win on the road. A game I figured the Bears would easily win. So either the Bears have some kinks to work out including not getting manhandles at home or they aren't as good as I thought or the Bills are better than I thought. Fins win was more impressive and I like the way they ran the ball with the re-tooled offensive line. Think they pack their defense with them and beat Buffalo pretty good Sunday.

Jax +5.5 over SKINS
Is this line for real? How is it already assumed the Redskins are better than the Jaguars? Does it have something to do with allowing 34 straight points to the Eagles last week? Did anyone making the lines in Vegas watch the Redskins play last week? They were brutal. Anemic on offense. The torches for RGIII's head will be organizing soon enough.

TITANS -3.5 over Dallas
Hard to pick Dallas on the road with the stench from that home fart still lingering. Locker looked VERY good. Eager to see if it continues.

Arizona -3 over GIANTS
Hard to pick the Giants anywhere knowing they still have no fucking idea what to do on offense. I don't know why they think moving Eli around is a good idea. And when he drops back a pocket to throw from would be nice. I don't want to talk about it anymore I'm fittin' to throw a lamp.

New England -3 over MINNY
Impressive win for Minnesota but it could be the Rams, down to the 3rd stringer at QB, were just really bad. I don't feel like looking up the last time the Pats had back to back losses (in the same season) but I'm sure it was probably a long time ago and I'm sure Belichick/Brady combo is something stupid like 32-1 after a loss.

New Orleans -7 over BROWNS
First, looks like Josh Gordon is back soon ehough which fuck man I should have wasted a pick on him at some point but who knew? Second Rob Ryan's defense got record setting torched last week. The Browns don't have that kind of fire power so look for them to take it out on them and roll up some crooked numbers. NO D is a solid fantasy play this week IMO.

Falcons +5 over CINCY
Matt Ryan was surgical last week. I think the Bengals eek out a win but not by the spread. They will need to run the ball and control time of possession.....feed Jeremy Hill more. He hungry.

CAROLINA -2.5 over Detroit
The Lions looked great but the Giants played awfully poor for us to annoint Detroit. Cam is back. Kelvin Benjamin could be the playmaker I have been asking Carolina to develop/draft.....stay tuned. As a side note Greg Hardy is playing, he was found guilty by a judge for beating and choking his then girlfriend. He appealed so it's now pending a court date for trial by jury (that seems backwards) but anyway until he wins/loses the appeal both the NFL and Carolina organization are allowing him to play. Seems like a poor choice. If I'm Carolina don't I set an example to the league and to the fans and community by not allowing Greg to play? Even if it's a few games. It doesn't seem appropiate to let him play.....

TAMPA -6 over Rams
Can't take Rams right now. I imagine they will play better because it can't get any worse than last week but how much better? Also Bucs, please give Bobby Rainey the ball more. Make a "Sproles" package for him or something.

Seattle -6 over CHARGERS
I think I'm taking Seattle every week. They'll probably be giving every week and will probably have a winning record ATS.

Houston -2.5 over RAIDERS
Oakland looked pretty awful. J.J. Watt is impossible. He should be in the Avengers.

Jets +8 over GREEN BAY
New York seems stout enough on D to hang around in this one. Give Rodgers and company some fits early. Millner is back (not that I'm high on him but he is their #1 CB). Geno on the road, just in general, is a scary thought but spotting a good defensive team with 8 points that can run the ball 50 times...... i'm taking the points.

DENVER -13 over Cheifs
Denver O kind of sputtered at times. Particuarly in the second half. Thought the defense played pretty good. The Cheifs are like 2-9 since starting last season 9-0 or something like that. Losing Derrick Johnson is no bueno. Manning has racked up some gaudy #'s vs. the Cheifs and I see no reason why this game will be any different.

Bears +7 over NINERS
Bears should be able to move the ball on San Fran and be in this one all the way. I know it's the home opener in a new stadium on primetime but that's motivation for the Bears too.

INDY -3 over Eagles
Luck going to carve through the Eagles on Monday night. Give me that over 53.5 too.



Friday, September 05, 2014

El PAD's weekly bets

FOOOOTBBALLLLL

Simmons nailed it. Goodell is a joke but nothing he could ever do will pull us away from this game. Anyone boycotting the season because Ray Ray went Ike on his fiancé? Didn't think so. A child could be raped on the Dallas Star at midfield and the next week the NFL will get top ratings. It's a machine. Perhaps this is Al-Qaeda sending subliminal messages. Perhaps.

Weekly Betting. Can someone keep track of the record? Or is that supposed to be me?

Should I go back to choice bets or bet em all?

Your choice. Respond in the comments (why am I acting like more than 3 people read this?)

Ok, first week I'll hit all out the box but maybe choice, or alternate or whatever Im feeling that week since I'm the only one that fucking posts anyway.

assholes.

PICK ME!

Saints -3 @ ATLANTA
I saw Hard Knocks. Falcons are still soft. And they still have no one to cover Graham.

RAMS -3 over Vikes
Rams D can beat a team like Minnesota at home. They'll score enough. Heard Mike Sam likes cock.

Browns +7 over STEELERS
I don't like the Steelers this year, I've said this. I think they struggle similar to last year out the gate. I say they win this contest but not by a TD. Joe Haden is sneaky a top 3 corner. Yeah I said 3. 3.

Jags +10.5 over PHILLY
That Gus Bradley enthusiasm has reached Brooklyn. Jags scare the Birds.

JETS -5.5 over Oakland
I like the JETS this year. Geno sucks sheep ass but dat d will keep em relevant late in the year. They squash Oakland.

Cincy -1 over RAVENS
Tough call but if the Bengals are going to be a threat in the AFC they have to win within the division on the road. Eager to see the smashmouth running game they are promising.

BEARS -7 over Bills
Lock of the year. The Bills have looked atrocious. They already tuned out Marrone and the swirling ownership thing is a problem. Bears may drop 40.

Skins -3 over HOUSTON
I think RGIII will be in the pocket as long as the rush isn't coming. Can't walk away from the kids instincts. He will for sure miss some games this year. He makes plays with his legs in this one to squeak out a win.

CHEIFS -3 over Titans
Wanted to go Titans here but a home opener in Arrowhead is up there. Tall task for the whizzantors.

Pats -4 over FINS
No one is mentioning at least that I've heard about NE's defense. It's going to be stout this year.

BUCS -2.5 over Cam
No secret the world expects the Panthers to regress. Again do they have any wide receivers. Have I ranted yet on how they never have anyone in support of Cam on the outside? Bucs still have work to do, some people I saw picked them to compete for the division, I don't see it but whatever. Cover 2 has been around since TP was a toddler.

Niners -4 over COWBOYS
Have you read the Cowboys depth chart for their defense? Does Jerry know he has to draft and develop both sides of the ball? Is he already in Al Davis territory? God I hope he lives to be 120.

DENVER -7.5 over Colts
All day. Can the Colts protect Luck, on the road, vs. Von Miller and Demarcus Ware?

Giants +5.5 over LIONS
Just hoping Eli's confused face all pre-season was constipation.

Chargers +3 over ARIZONA
Take the over.

Red Zone here I come.












Friday, August 29, 2014

NFL Preview - Mad Busy Yo Version

NFC East
Philly by default because I'm officially worried about Elisha Norman Manning. RGIII sucks. Dallas sucks. You all know this already. It's Giants and Philly. We'll see. Fucking Bob McAdoo confusing the Eli. Fucker. Philly's defense is awful by the way. Under the radar story there. Even if they win the division they won't win shit in January with that sloppy ass D.

Philly 10-6
Giants 9-7
Skins 8-8 (Go back to my previews, like 80% of the time I have the skins at 8-8, so annoying right)
Boys 6-10 (Garrett fiiiiirrrrrreed)

NFC North
My favorite division to watch this year. Is it me or is this a stacked offensive division. No more NORRIS division defensive matches. This is balls to the wall air it out. Cutler with two, count em - TWO thousand yard receivers and Forte coming off a career year. Cutty gonna ball this year. BALL. I'm big on the Bears, this Trestman might be a genius. Rodgers is Rodgers. McCarthy is aloof I think. At times. And their defense still is shaky. Play Bridgewater man. Cmon. The Lions with offensive firepower too. I think they should slow it down a bit, feature Joique Bell and throw it early to Golden Tate who should open up the field a bit, a hair for Calvin......Ebron sucks. Waste of a pick. They needed a corner.

Bears 11-5
Packers 10-6
Detroit 8-8
Vikings 6-10

NFC West
STACKED. Bradofrd going down took some win out of the NFC West is the best division sails argument. Again Niners outside looking in. But they will still hurt people. Carlos Hyde might save their season. I still am sour on Kapernick. He's pocket passing, I just don't know. Seahawks are loaded. 12 wins all day. Arizona is much improved. Arians is gold. Ellington is going to have a monster year. Floyd is already BETTER than Fitz. Poor Rams. They seemed like they were ready to turn the corner.

Hawks 12-4
Arizona 11-5
49ers 9-7
Rams 7-9

NFC South
Hard Knocks is so boring. The Falcons might have the worst defense in the league. Bryan Cox is fucking hilarious though. Mike Smith's mandals are depressing. Carolina regresses, it's science. The Saints run away with this one. I got nothing on the Bucs.

Saints 13-3
Carolina 9-7
Falcons 8-8
Bucs 7-9

Division winners - Philly, Bears, Saints (bye), Hawks (bye)
Wild Card - Arizona, Packers
Wild Card Round - Bears over Packers (38-34), Arizona over Philly (41-31)
Divisional Weekend - Hawks over Bears (30-18), Saints over Arizona (44-35)
Championship Sunday (best weekend of footyball) - Saints over Hawks (24-17)

-------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------------

AFC East
So unfair the division stay shitty for all of Brady's life. So unfair. The Bills are trash. The Dolphins are confusing. The JETS are actually good until you watch Geno Smith play for more than 5 series. So tired of penciling them in. Seriously.

Pats 11-5
JETS 9-7
Dolphins 8-8 (Philbin fired, Ireland fired)
Bills 3-13

AFC North
Pretty good division here. Really like the Bengals this year. Like really. Totally unrelated but I have to watch the Beyonce VMA performance after this. She's incredible. Any chance the Steelers tuned out Mike Tomlin? I just dont vibe on the Steelers. Poor Cleveland. They'll be yelling for Manziel by week 3.

Bengals 12-4
Ravens 10-6
Steelers 7-9
Cleveland 5-11

AFC West
Fucking Chargers. Any other year they win this thing but Manning man. Gase will be a head coach this time next year. I really like the Chargers. No shot the Cheifs run out to the same start as last year. If MJD plays well watch out for Oakland. Two headed monster running attack with a limited DMC/MJD. I'd start Carr. Fucking nuts I know but Schaub aint the answer.

Broncos 13-3
Chargers 11-5
Oakland 9-7
Cheifs 8-8

AFC South
I'll tell you what. I fucking like the Jags to make some fucking noise this year. Fuck yeah I do. Fuck yeah. Jacksonville baby. Eat a dick. Unrelated but Melissa McCarthy is fucking highlarryus in The Heat. Totally hilarious. Totes mcgoats. Anyway about Bill Bradley. Too bad they don't have a QB. Colts? Eh. I happen to think Pagano is overrated. Nothing to do with the Lukemia thing. Bravo to him. But they have Luck. Better them than anyone else. QB league. Denver waxes them on Sunday night though. Titans suck.

Colts 10-6
Jags (yup Eat it) 9-7
Texans 7-9
Titans 5-11

Division winners : Broncos (bye), Bengals (bye) Pats, Colts
Wild Card : Chargers, Ravens
Wild Card rounds : Chargers over Pats, Ravens over Colts
Divisional Weekend : Broncos over Ravens, Bengals over Chargers
Championship Sunday : Broncos over Bengals

Super Bowl : Redemption is spelled B-R-O-N-C-O-S. Broncs over Saints 44-38

Very exciting Super Bowl.

Friday, August 22, 2014

Gems

I got to start working on my NFL preview. Right now all I truly know is the Cowboys will suck again. Show signs of not sucking then suck on National TV in heartbreaking Cowboy fashion and it will be awesome. And people will be fired. Also I'm on that "49ers will not make playoffs" bandwagon so jump off if you think i'm a mush. Few reasons, NFC West is now stacked, the backup to Kapernick is shit and they will need it and some injuries on defense. Also the GM hates Harbaugh's guts cuz he's a fucking maniac.

This insane amount of money pouring into the ALS foundation, few questions. How expensive is research? And that is just a general question. Because probably about a trillion dollars have been donated to all kinds of diseases, AIDS, cancer, heart disease, etc. Are diseases the one thing in this world that we can't throw money at to go away? Conspiracy theorists say they will never find a cure to keep the drug companies and network of specialists profitable. That is one conspiracy I could buy into, I don't but it's not out of this world. When greed is involved anything is possible.

Sometimes the inside part of a pretzel smells like fish skin.

Check the Emmys nominations, proves out my tv watching habits. Network TV just ain't good, cable dominates the landscape. Better writing.

Goldschlager must be pissed that Fireball is taking over the markets.

I think a Top Chef threesome of me Padma and Gail Simmons would be cool. Like first a fancy dinner, some champagne. Then a fancy hotel with a comfy bed, maybe some toys.

Putin better leave McDonald's alone.

Speaking of, Meiz you meant McDonald's regular ass hamburger right? Because their premium menu burgers are good, some very good. Further I noticed McDonald's has decided to play one of thier aces in the hole I always talked about. Grocery store coffee. CHA CHING.

I'm surprised there aren't more corporation espionage movies out there or more popular. Maybe there isn't enough action? Michael Clayton was the last good one I thought. Even though that was like a law firm type deal. They use coporate espionage as it's own twist within a movie they need to make some movies cenetered around it. Happens all day everyday. All espionage is cool. National security, corporate interests, political (what makes House of Cards so good). The word of the day is Espionage.

Stop trying to get me to give a fuck about the FIBA basketball tournament. Lick my balls. Wake me up when we hit the beaches of Rio.

When Hulk Hogan dies I'm going to his funeral.

Think this : teenage boys spank banks are so much better than ours were

Rob Dyrdek is 40. Carry on.

Gravity is ridick* on a nice big tv.

F-M-L- Nicky Minaj, Iggy Azela, Ariana Grande
Go.





Friday, August 15, 2014

Weekly dive into the mind of El Padrino

When I drink a ice cold beer, espeacially one that I have been craving all day, I think to myself, man can life get any better?

Jim Abbott is fucking awesome. Random thought but dude pitched in the major leagues with no right hand.

I'm such a wussbag now I can't get through an episode of Real Sports without losing it during one of their segments.

Kobe is #4 on the all time scoring list? Holy fucks. I spaced on that one.

T minus 2 weeks until my cousins wedding, the baby of the family, and still no speech written by me yet.

FOOTBALL

I fucking hate play doh

American Beauty is so weirdly exceptional.

So instead of donating money to find a cure people just dump a bucket of ice on themselves? Instead of paying taxes can we just do that too?

Oh when we talk about blowjobs are we talking like, from start to finish or does any amount of time with our collective cock in our respective wives mouth count?

I had a corporate culture meeting today and totally had shit on my mind to say but didn't. Not smat*. Just figured once I started I wouldn't be able to stop so I held it in.

These Chip Kelly is a god articles have to stop.

Have no clue what happened on that race track last week but it seems like getting out of your car while cars are racing by you is a good way to get hurt.

Friday, August 08, 2014

Wu-Tang Clan Ain't Nothing to Fuck Wit

You know who loves that Dalton deal? Big Ben Raplisberger. He gonna cash that check soon.
Another year of football another year of fantasy football torture.

So Russia is basically starving it's own people by banning U.S. food. Good look. Hope everyone likes potatoes.

Hawaii is getting double teamed.

WAYYYYY to much Ninja Turtle talk. It's just a movie you guys.

Tulo talk:
sick and tired of losing = wants traded
but they won some while he was there no? wasnt he part of two incredible september runs, one resulting in a pennant and a world series appearance? More than some superstars.

Baseball so humbling. Prodigy like Harper just scuffling like never before. Baseball is the hardest sport to play in my opinion. You fail 7 out of 10 times and are still considered a great hitter. Couple that with having to have decent range at your position or throwing a fastball that doesnt get hit.

If anyone says Golf I will donkey punch you on sight. Golf isn't even a spurt* COLOV nigga.

Gelato >>>>>>> Ice cream

The news is pretty fucking sad, sadder than usual I'd say. ISIS, Ebola, Ukraine, missing planes, John Kerry, African leaders at white house, Gaza, Israel, jesus christ man.

Anything else you guys wanna talk about during the week? Let me know I'll write a post about whatever you want.



Friday, July 25, 2014

Steak is delicious

whats the wildest game you've eaten?  Bison over rice doesn't count H


I had goat it was good.  Elk was super lean but tasty.  Rabbit I guess was the gamiest.  I liked it though.


Thought The Internship was pretty funny.  People gon hate.


My two cents on Lebron.
The backlash from the Decision is the reason why he is going back.  The sentiment of returning home is 2nd.  You all know that right.  He was trying to right a wrong.  The media and most of the fans ate it up.  Scar tissue remains.  Time will heal the wound and if he wins a ship in Clev all will be forgotten but if he doesn't -- the scar will last forever.


FOOTBALL.


Bach party AC Aug 2nd I planned it.  I'm the best man.  Shit is gonna be HDH.  Old Homestead at 10pm.  Some group gambling.  Got a rate for bottle service (which I detest) that wasn't bad at the Gypsy Bar then more group gambling.  Midgets are scheduled for 2am.  Then back down for gambling, individual I imagine.  Gonna need like 2 g's.


Boys will be boys.


Not sure you heard me, perhaps there is a baseball game in the background that is distracting you but


FOOOOTTTBALLL.


Seinfeld fans - It's coming to Netflix.


Imaginext Toys have taken over my living room.


Fucking Brew Crew huh Meiz?





Friday, July 18, 2014

Friday, July 04, 2014

Vacation America

I can remember every vacation I've gone on. By vacation I mean more than 2 hours from the house. We didn't go on any until I was 10 which ain't bad.

Wildwood, NJ
Orlando, FL (Disney)
Wildwood, NJ
Tampa, FL (Busch Gardens)
West Palm Beacn/Boynton Beach, FL
Wildwood NJ
Orlando Fl
Ocean City MD
Aruba
Ocean City MD
Las Vegas, NV
Ocean City MD
Turks and Caicos
Ocean City MD
Palm Beach FL
Ocean City MD
Ocean City MD
Ocean City MD

and I'm going to Ocean City MD Sunday

The only thing I'm using my phone for is to google why are crabs so fucking delicious

Leopards are beautiful.

I dare Melo to go to LA. Fucking dare you.

When is baseball over already jesus enough.

Can't believe Batman Begins was out in 2005. Sick I'm old.

Fuck pop tarts.

AMERICA. HAPPY BIRTHDAY TO YOU. I love you. You're the best.

USA USA USA USA USA USA!!

Wednesday, June 25, 2014

There's Only So Much Time Left In This Crazy World, I'm Just Crumblin' Erb

OUTKAST TALK!
Concert is this Sunday. CAN'T FUCKING WAIT. Been trying to push some of the guys to not be trashed for it, to no avail. Fuck them. I'm going to remember the most important concert of my life. They're not on my level.

I wish my one cousin was at my little cousin's grad party on Sunday. She's the director of marketing for Summerfest. I wanted to get a word in with her for maybe some VIP or backstage tickets. I hate getting big-timed by family. That shit is foul. Regardless, it's going to be a great time. I refuse to let anybody ruin my day on Sunday.

Brewers Talk
Still in first place. This season has been amazeballs so far. Best start in club history, and national media is still not talking about the team. I love it. Have you guys seen the Lucroy All-Star ad? It's pretty damn funny from our perspective. The Cards did not react well, and that makes it even funnier.

http://m.mlb.com/video/v33770085/cast-your-vote-for-lucroy-for-the-2014-allstar-game

That's good stuff right there. Fuck the Cardinals.  Because MLB is a shitshow of an organization, I can't embed the video on blogger. Fuck them.

Work Talk
New supervisor is coming around. She still can't do a lot of stuff the rest of us can do. I wish she'd ask for help with learning how to do things instead of just leaving it for somebody else. That kills us on Wednesdays and Thursdays. My opinion is that the supervisor needs to know how to proficiently do EVERYTHING. She's on board with us as far as realizing and communicating that the sales force expects us to do too much. It's been awful lately. Formerly good salespeople have turned into absolute trainwrecks.

Bron Opts Out!
No big deal.  Yet.

The Bron/Kobe/Melo nonsense is just that. Nonsense. A worn-down 30 year old LBJ ain't going to the Lakers or the Western Conference.  He's coming to the Bucks. S.

Music Video Time
I'm listening to Southernplayalisticadillacmusic, so we get the title track. Good times.



That's all I've got today, kids.  Have a good rest of the week.  I know I'll have a bomb weekend.

Friday, June 20, 2014

Summer time

today I will talk about Iraq and food allergies so skip to comments if you've had enough now

I predict a major war (perhaps called WWIII) within the next ten years between western civilazation countries and their allies vs. radical islam militants and various terrorists groups and I think it's unavoidable.

Only way to beat this ISIS and Al Qaeda groups like them all over the middle east and within Russia's borders is to just kill them, just kill them all. Eventually I suppose they will come back through another root of evil somewhere but I have to think this will buy us (by us I mean the world) some time before that happens. Sort of like killing off the Nazi's history does really repeat itself.

If you are asking yourself why do we need to go to war or why do we have to get involved the answer is relatively simple. Money. Most of it in the form of oil. But really economics is the bottom line answer. And fucking democracy of course. We figured out how to operate a country 238 years ago - we have the blueprint yet we still have to force our plan unto the world and to countries that were born hundres and hundreds of years before us. We can't ignore this stuff.

Besides if given the opportunity these groups would wipe the earth clean of us. They think we are the devil. They actually say that and the style of warfare they practice is not traditional, they resort to killing children and women and random innocent civilians. They don't attack army bases or police forces. They just run through villages killing people that work and live. Average joes. Or Average Mohammeds in Iraq's case. They won't stop. They won't ever stop. At some point as a super power we have to get together with our allies and exterminate them.

Where the fuck did all these food allergies come from? First of all if someone tells you they are allergic to gluten just punch them in the face. Because chances are they are not. It's not even officially listed as an allergy, more like an intolerance like lactaid or in Meiz's case pussy. Only people suffering from Celiac disease need to be on gluten free diets.

Only 1% of America's population (that are actually here legally) have a bad reaction to gluten. Most people don't even know what gluten is. It's a proten in grains and wheat - it's a natural food organism.

I'd be pissed running a restuarant and having to cater to all these allergies like nut allergy and tree-nut allergy and oil allergy, seed allergy, god this country is a bunch of hipster pussies I swear.

We're gonna get rolled in WW III. S.

Late on this but have always thought those limo buses were death traps.

Officially summer this weekend so eat ice cream, bring summery beer to every party you get invited too and work the tan. Except for you freaks who live in Arizona/Florida. Been doing that since February I imagine. Pshychos.

Friday, June 13, 2014

BOO! It's Friday the 13th. Gay.

World Cup this world cup that. Everyone is a fan. I ain't gonna front and pretend I like soccer. Will I watch it? Probably not. But if I do I wont go all rah rah on and on about it. With that said go Italy! S.

Speaking of bandwagon. It's like all the Ranger fans came out of the woodwork last week. When there were down 3-0 the other day they all went back home, then today they were back out. Man those people are the worst.

On Fathers day I think about my dad of course but lately I've been thinking about my grandfather. He was so old school I think he might have built the school. Just remember all the time we used to spend together and smile. I hope I make it on this earth long enough to fool around with grandkids. I aint rushing life, just saying. Happy fathers day to you guys.

CMEP asking what I want to do I'm like I just want to relax. Really what I want is a BJ and a steak. Hook it up.

12 weeks until real football

Veep is the funniest show going right now. Just LOL'ing everywhere when its on.

She's a Bernard but Doris Burke does a fine job on ABC. Better than most men.

Patty Mills has a lot of energy

3 more weeks then vacation and boy do I need it

Friday, June 06, 2014

A nickel bag gets sold in a park in Brooklyn I WANT IN

I make the best potato and eggs.

I'm pretty much full time at the catering hall now. It's the Matre'd then me as far as an org chart goes. It's actually fun at times. I like the business. I also applied for the sales job which is what it sounds like. Commission based, you book a wedding you get a flat fee $300. Waiting to hear back. Gonna write a book, a self-help motivational book. "From Bus Boy to Matre'D : How to climb the ranks of a wedding factory"

Wife not a fan I'm rarely home but it's a sacrifice I make to make sure her and the kids have all they ever wanted. She wants to move to NJ. Sometimes she is the worse.

I just don't get the big deal with grass. Grass makes me sneeze*. "But the kids would like a backyard."
But then I have to clean it and make it look nice. I'd like to see how she cleans this house too, this imaginary house in NJ.
And me getting home at 8pm every night because the commute sucks left nuts.
And we'd need to buy another car which is the worst asset to own ever.
Fuck houses and fuck NJ.

If you don't think what just happened with the prisoner swap between US and Taliban was fucked up you belong in psych ward. Or you don't care. Which is fine too.
Like was there no one in Bams corner that knew this guy may have been not so noble? A deserter in the armed forces is like child rape. It's pretty much the worse thing you can do. Let alone the exchange itself. IT was a Bill Simmons pu-pu platter NBA 25 cents on the dollar trade. Also I thought we don't negotiate with terrorists? And who the fuck decided it was okay for the Taliban DAD to go on TV? Jesus Christ what a clusterfuck.

I have a 2nd generation IPOD that still goes strong but only when it's charged overnight. So weird. It needs like 8 hours of sleep or something.

I'm such a pussy when it comes to the dentist that I've dealt with a toothache that occasionally becomes infected for a little over a year now. NS.
What makes this decision easier is when they pull the tooth I will need an implant which is not covered and costs $2100-$3000 depending.....

Stocks and Sports LLC still a dream of mine along with a restaurant bar and grill called Cheeks.

Aren't kids hilarious? Can't wait for Tem and Jug to have talking kids. Lil miniature comics.

Tuesday, June 03, 2014

Don't Want No AIDS, No Clap, Or No Rabies

Work Talk(kind of)
 New supervisor is cool enough.  She's the same age as me.  She sat in with me on this past Sunday, we had some conversation, had some laughs, yadda yadda yadda.  I'm not about to be referring to her as "my boss" or "bosslady" when I'm out here in these streets teaching & showing her how to do her job, though.  Nope, nuh uh.  The main things she lacks so far are the willingness to take control, and leading by example.  Rolls in at five after 8, and jets at five to 5.  No bueno, not cool, especially when the others are in early and leave late.  Poor example to set.

New supe asked me about the music I listen to,(OXFORD COMMA, KEITH) on Sunday.  Told her all kinds, but mainly rap.  The Sirius is off during the weekend, so she pulled up some "rap" shit on Pandora on her phone.  Had to quickly make it known I don't listen to THAT rap.  Jesus, so much new rap is awful.  (Paging Dr. Padrino)  These kids have nothing good or new to rap about, and that all seem to have the same cadence.  Get you r own fucking flow, boys.

As mentioned yesterday, it appears my existing co-workers just don't listen to bosslady or new supe when we have our weekly department meeting.  This is incredibly frustrating.  I can't stand poor listeners.  I don't know when this shift happened.  I think my feelings on this harkens back to my days in school.  I was the no homework, no notes, but great test-taker.  I'm very particular and specific when it comes to things people say.  My Dad is a cop.  I have to be that way, because that's how he essentially trained me.  Growing up, I got a lot of "That's not what you said" business.  Now, he's getting older, and I get to flip that game on him, and he knows I'm right when I do it.  An eye for an eye.

NBA Talk
I'm pumped for the Heat/Spurs Finals rematch.  As usual, I'm rooting for Bron & them boys.  I love the twitter meme of Big Shot Bosh.  It works both ways, and is always hilarious.  Bosh hits a big shot?  #BigShotBosh.  Bosh clangs a big shot?  #BigShotBosh.  Heat in six. 

Me & a couple of buddies have been spending the last month or so figuring out our NBA player equivalents from back in the day.  It's pretty fun.  Last week Deluxe nominated me for Boris Diaw.  I was fake pissed at first, but then he broke it down.  "Big man, handles, range, blocks shots, rebounds, bangs inside".  When he put it that way, I was okay with it.

Brewers Talk
STILL IN FIRST PLACE!  WOOOOOOO!
I should have made a hat bet.
Honestly, the Brewers are pretty fucking good, save for Lyle Overbay.  I wish to hell they would have kept Juan Francisco for the lefty part of the 1B platoon.  Mark Reynolds has been a joy so far.  Get up there and hit a bunch of dingers.  To hell with the Ks.  Ks are wildly overrated in regards to hurting an offense.  A K with a runner on 1st isn't a double play ball.

Ron figured our the batting order, too.  Granted he had help from The Deputy.  They're also now exploring the possibility of moving the pitcher to the 8 hole.  I hope they do that.

Fuck the Cardinals.

VIDEO TIME!
26 days!  So pumped.


BEE TRAP WATCH!
On Saturday I fashioned myself a bee trap out of a two liter bottle for the balcony.  I hate bees more than I hate the Cubs.  That's a lot of hatred.  They tend to build hives under the overhangs and eaves of my building.  I am the bee slayer.

ATLiens is over.  On to Ready To Die.  All time GREAT album.  Stand up, Brooklyn.

Neighbor Watch!
A new family moved in across the street last week.  They're Flatlanders.  Fucking Flatlanders.  The garage is still loaded with stuff.  They seem nice enough.  I'll have to hip them to Summer Sounds.  Best way for noobs to get in with the community, IMO.

I'm gassed, I think.  I'll let this night ride out.

Word to Big Bird.


Late add:  Big eyeglasses make every chick look like Shock G in the Humpty video.  TERRIBLE look.
 

  

Friday, May 30, 2014

El Padrider

You know hoe musicisans and other entertainers (once they are popular enough) always travel with a "rider" which is like a laundry list of crap they need or want on hand at a facility or on a tour bus? Well here is mine. Just because.

Wi-Fi (porn)
Mallomars (when in season)
Oreos (all the time)
Green M&M's (duh they make you horny, will have groupies)
A bowl of lemons
Every phone charger ever made
Magnum condoms (not XXL ones just regular magnums)
a felt pen
A case of Altoids
Jack Daniels
Cocktail shaker
Makers Mark
A bowl of oranges
Marschiano cherries
A lot of ice cubes
Latest edition of Playboy
Bubble Tape Bubble gum or Big League Chew
Fresh Mozzarella (still in the water)
Russian Standard Vodka
Simple Syrup
Angoustura Bitters
Case of Corona
A bowl of limes
one chefs knife
one bamboo cutting board
Thin and Crispy Corn Tortilla chips
Patron
A legal pad
Ice cold Pellegrino
Quaker chocolate chip granola bars
Breakstones Whipped Butter
Chapstik (sealed)
Box of glazed donuts from either local bakery or krispy kreme/tim hortons/dunkin donuts
A tank of Lobsters
Sno-Caps
One plush relcining chair
A Lionel train set
Bowl of peanuts (shelled)
Bowl of pistachios (shell on)
Picture of Brooklyn Bridge
Large container of vanilla ice cream
Scissors
Watermelons
Apples
New bath robe
Ssips iced tea juice boxes
Box of Life cereal
Straws
Baby Powder
New pack of white athletic socks
Array of cookbooks
A bean bag


think that covers it

What would yours look like? let me guess the basics

Keef's
broken cell phones
walls must be colored to baby diarrhea
frozen cheese
carrots
cases of canned tuna
dog shit
pool cleaning equipment
green shirts
asu gear
isurance beer cuzzi

Aitchs

woe
clam chowdah
pedroia jersey
new day rising tshirt
hot wheels limo
whalberg poster
bruins hat
whiskey i would assume (jameson probably)

Meiz
complaints
frozen pizza
canned chilli
a foreman grill
a fishing pole
a boning knife
tank of lake fish
a large stereo system
Fleischmanns
Brewer mascot costume
corn hole bag toss game thing
pack of brats

blue
gold toilet
gold on tap
gold tulo jersey
gold weed bong
uncooked tri-color pasta in glass (for decor)
beard trimmer
19 tv's
catered og just soup and breadsticks though

TP
Pearl Jam man cave
sinkhole in middle of room
SNY feed on tv

Tem
catered bw2 platter
rich rod dartboard
wava state flag
mario lemiux figurines
pfeffier poster
big bang theory dvd all seasons
cheesepie

Jug
Da Bears gear
big ass american flag
every episode of seinfeld
Vacation dvd
a treadmill
deep dish casseroles
brad paisley loaded music device

Friday, May 23, 2014

Nothing to see here keep moving along

I think there are a lot of great horse names in movie titles. Such as.

Unforgiven, Jerry Maguire, Old School, Frozen, Despicable Me, Black Swan, Kick-Ass, Indiana Jones, Dark Knight, Top Gun

The Mets suck. Sandy Alderson sucks.

I'm feeling old lately. I think I'm out of shape. Got to get back to 100 pushups a day regimen.

I fucking hate play-doh.

We aint grown enough to talk real about race. IT will always be contentious just like the middle east

I always have a good idea for a post on like Tuesday then never remember it. I should post whenever the fuck I get the idea right? Like it matters. This place is on life support. Let's attack the intern Kevin Cott. Spiff let's catfish that fucker.

Friday, May 16, 2014

Kate Upton Sobe Staring Contest.....Go.

The More You Know section.

Canola oil is made from rapeseeds.

This Really Chaps My Ass section

Fucking people.

Music

Lana Del Ray > Lordes
Burn on that Meiz.

Sports

Hopefully that is the last of Garnett. I know Pierce will stick around which is unfortunate.

Realtionships

Just let her yell and move on. Woman need to yell to release some anger like men need to cum into a sock.

News

Still no plane.

Doughnut

Zeppole, Donut, Churro - WHO YA GOT?

Grocery

My favorite thing to buy from the grocery store is waffles. So convienent. Fuck making fresh waffles.

Comics

Lot's of comic book talk lately with all the movie crap. Why don't they make movies about Family Circus or Archie? Or a Far Side movie starring a weird Billy Bob Thornton.

TV Shows

Fargo. Louie. Archer. FX Network is fire.

Common Sense

You shouldn't say guarantee unless you can actually guarantee.

Candy

Where does all the Easter candy go, do the candy companies ship it all to stores ro do they themselves have overhead they cannot get rid of? I need to know.

Goodbye section

Piece.

Tuesday, May 13, 2014

Hallelujah, hallelujah, ya know I do some things more different than I used ta

Brewers are off tonight. Lame.

I'm eating peperoncini.  I love these things.  Holy shit, I just watched Andrew Zimmern drink pureed frogs.  That dude's the man.

WTF WTF WTF

New supervisor started today.  She's not ugly.  Tem would hate her nose.  Hard to tell how old she is though.  And yes, I'm bitter I didn't even get a fucking interview.  She better be damn good at her new job.

I have a $50 gift card to The Cheesecake Factory.  I have no idea what I'm going to do with that.  Thanks though, CCF Corporate.

I think I mentioned it, but goddamn, I had a perfect fucking steak dinner on Saturday night.  Couldn't believe it was so perfectly done.  Waubee Lodge has to have made some changes, because the quality of the food has vastly improved over the past few years.  Hell, even the owner was there on Saturday.  I've never seen him before.  They need a menu on the website, though.  How the hell are you a restaurant, have a website, and not have a PDF of your menu on said site?  I should check & see how much and what they're buying from us.

Love the Birdman, hate his terrible beard.  I pretty much hate all beards.  Whenever I see somebody with a nasty beard, my brain drops their IQ potential by a lot.  Stop growing stupid nasty beards, America.  Have some self-respect, for fuck's sake.

HALFTIME!

This is my cut.  More love for Lorde.  She's awkward den a bitch doe.  I can't figure out why this hasn't been dropped as a single.  Sounds like a monster smash hit, to me.  Yes, I'm still listening to this album almost daily.  It's so good.


Methinks I'm about to fire up the stereo.  I had this bad boy knockin' last night.  Forgot how crisp and loud it is.  I love that I have no neighbors.

Not wearing your seat belt is so fucking stupid.  I can't believe people still do that.  Put your fuckin' seat belt on.  Dumbest ticket to get ever.  You know what else is common as fuck?  People driving around without their driver's license.  Holy shit, how lazy and dumb are you?  We started requiring a state issued ID to pick up product at will call on April 1, and fuck it all if we don't have a smooth 3+ people show up each day with no license.  We even have one guy WHO DOESN'T EVEN HAVE A LICENSE BECAUSE HE WAS TOO FUCKING LAZY TO RENEW IT.  Seriously, I fucking hate people.  And then they get all pissed at us because they think we're going to do some NSA spying, identity theft shit with their fucking driver's license number.  There's literally nothing I can do with your driver's license number, lady.  We take this shit down to fucking protect the owner of the shit bar you work at, so you can't get away with ordering & picking up product on your boss's account when your petty ass gets fired and thinks you're going to get revenge on him or her.

I seriously want to be 100% honest with customers all the time.  I hate that I have to lie and tell half-truths to protect their fragile egos.  You know why your order isn't ready?  Because you're on credit hold since you haven't paid a bill in nine fucking weeks.  Pay your fucking bills, and it wouldn't be a problem.  Oh, you didn't think you had to pay for this will call?  Bullshit.  I was sitting here when your M.A. told you you needed to pay for this order because you can't pay your fucking bills.  Get out of the restaurant business.  Wait, no.  Stay in it.  You're only making us MORE money.  You wanna go to court to fight "The Man"?  Cool.  We got lots of lawyers for that.  My boss will see you there.

Neice Talk - Eyemuffs, Meiz
It's cool now, I've chilled the hell out.  She turned six months yesterday, and dammit if she's not a ginger pudge.  My sister seems to be doing a decent enough job.  I'm not about to be babysitting that kid, though.  Fucking gingers. 

You know how I say my Dad's side of the family is awful?  My cousin told me she has 2 black goldfish, and their names are Fried Chicken and Kool-Aid.  Fucking awful people.

NBA TALK
Heatles need to revamp their roster this offseason.  Good god, they're old, and the majority of that team isn't under contract next season.  New blood is needed in Miami.  It's amazing how much better the Spurs are at basketball than the Blazers.  I've been pleasantly surprised by Wes Matthews' career so far.  That's tough for me to admit because he's a Marquette guy, and it's fuck Marquette over here all day.

BREWERS TALK
Fuck Lyle Overbay.  I wanted Juan Francisco to be the lefty half of the First Base Platoon.  Not to mention, Fat Juan's hitting in T.O.  71ABs, and a slash line of .268/.361/.535 going into last night.  Fucking Doug Melvin.  WE TOLD YOU HE WAS GOING TO PRODUCE THIS YEAR.  Yeah, yeah, yeah, SSS.  What the fuck ever.  We wanted and need those Fat Juan bombs.  I mean, look at this Vine.  Best batflip to date.  (Warning: it's loud)


I think this is enough for today.

PROST!

Friday, May 09, 2014

Live from El Pad's couch

Gonna live blog some of this......


Still rock ESPN, just better coverage I think than NFL Network....wait Ray Lewis.  Cmon MAN,  I want TJ or even Key.  Fuck Ray Lewis.  I think it's Berman.  Don't get the hate on him he is head and shoulders better than Eisen.  Also I can't stand Irvin.  Also Gruden.  MIC DROP.


Why do people hate Goodell again?  Concussion thing?  Lockout?  People are the worse.  Booing him is so dumb.


Honestly after Russell Wilson I don't know why any GM would not want Manziel.  My official position is he will be great. 


I hate Sherman.  And his nostrils.


Fucking Radio City looking small man the draft is just cashed out.


Texans are on the clock.


8:05 - Niggas waiting for phone calls they don't want to pick #1.
8:08 - Clowney seems like he's disinterested already
8:10 - Mort looks sickly and that is a lot of makeup
8:13 - Gruden already going rogue, looking to punch Kiper in the throat
8:15 - Watt is pumped.  Clowney.....
8:16 - Hope that boy can play 3 down football though because #1 picks should
8:18 - The Goodell hugs cometh.
8:18 - SOOOUUZZZ - I'd give it to suzy all over the place.
8:19 - My sister lives in Rock Hill.  It's actually an ok place.
8:25 - Slap in the face to the great Bruce Matthews by Fisher.  S.
8:26 - Jax has to take Manziel right?  I mean they need a QB in the worse way, a guy that can fill a stadium too don't forget.
8:28 - LaConfora on twitter says Bortles.  Wow.  WOW.
8:30 - Twitter ruining the draft have to come off it now.  I want my picks live not High Frequency Live.
8:30 - Jesus Jacksonville.
8:31 - Wherever Manziel goes he will destroy Jacksonville every single time.
8:33 - Raiders will get a sure thing now.  Mack, Matthews or Watkins.
8:34 - TRADE - BILLS
8:35 - I love this shit.
8:34 - Has to be for Watkins
8:35 - or MACK staying in Buffarro.
8:38 - WATKINS- good pick kid a beast.
8:38 - Similar to the Julio Jones pick - Berman nailed that.
8:40 - Man just realized the Falcons are going to get a stud too.
8:42 - Long way from Buffalo.  Don't worry though Raiderettes are hawt.
8:43 - If Falcons don't go Matthews I'd be shocked.  Or Lewan.
8:51 - Bruce's boy.
8:52 - Seriously Mike Glennon?  Stop it.  McNown?  Stop. Take Manziel.
8:52 - All Jake Matthew highlights get jacked by Manziel highlights.
8:54 - The Matthews can ball.  Damn.
8:55 - LaConfora is amazing.  I have to quit twitter.  He said Evans.  Whoa.  Manziel gonna free fall now.  Tell you what if he is there at 12 Giants might do it.  They make a board, if he's #1 he's the pick no matter what.  DRAMA.
8:56 - Is Mike Evans Deron Williams?
8:57 - Cleveland could get another shot at Johnny.  #9.  And he has 8 chips on his shoulder.
8:59 - Get your shit together young man.  Crying is for pussies.
9:00 - Browns right?  And they traded up a spot but why afraid minny was taking manziel?
9:05 - Justin Gilbert?  They traded up a spot for a corner?  What the fuck.
9:06 - Was that Kevin Costners call?
9:06 - Clev sucks chant is A+ effort.  Good job.
9:07 - I mean yeah Hayden and Gilbert is a nice tandem.  But QB.
9:08 - Vikes do your thing.  Norv Turner is the OC.  Manziel do it do it.
9:10 - Anthony Barr.  Drafting for need is so stupid why franchises like the Vikings never win anything.  There are STUDS in front of you.  One of them is a QB one of them is a ten year tackle.  Crazy.
9:11  - Sorry Kod.  Goodness gracious that is officially the worst pick in the draft.
9:12 - Detroit has to take Lewan or Odell the WR.
9:13 - Man the Giants are going to get a hell of a player. 
9:13 - Ebron.  Good pick.  Forgot about him.  He is Aaron Hernandez minus the murder.
9:14 - The world will explode if the Giants take Manziel.
9:15 - Titans take him.  Cmon Whizzy.
9:21 - Oh my god my anxiety is like whoa with Manziel on the board.  So many players they can grab.
9:29 - Nice.  Love it.  Bend it like Beckham.


Stopping here this is tiring.  Some thoughts as the night goes on............


Good job by Saints jumping in front of Philly for Cooks.
Pryor is a hammer.  Dernard is better though, dumb Jets.
Who told Bridgewater to come to the draft.  He has 2nd round pick written all over him.
Third crack at Manziel and the Browns nail it.  Finally.  FINALLY.
Love it.  Fuck Hoyer.  Two number one's next year too don't forget.  Like Rams this year.
Too bad Shanahan is coaching him though.  Fucking Kyle is a bum.
Also too bad, you know, Cleveland.
Wife just said Manziel looks like a little person.  LOL
What the fuck did Kansas City just do?  Marqise Lee is staring them in the face they were ranked 24th in the passing game. 
Nice pick for Bengals.  Value is unreal.  He should have been long gone.
Arizona should have taken a QB? No?  Unless they want one of the 2nd round guys Garapolo or McCarron. Anyway the safety they got is a thumper.
I actually like the Eagles pick.  High motor kid.  The way they play offense people forget their defense are on the field a lot because they score quick.  Plus they are 3-4.  They needed rushers.  Ends.
The Carr family looks lovely.
Carolina - REEEEACCCCH REEEEAAACCHHH
Belle Glade, Florida is an awful place.
Ray Lewis just said Chiahlls.  (chills). Ebonics I guess.
Congrats to all the brothers getting straight paid today.  America is amazing.
Drinking an old fashioned.  Second one.  It's my favorite.
Belichick loves gators.
Niners falling into Marqise Lee but not picking him makes me happy.  I did like Jimmy Ward as a prospect though.  Versatile defensive back.  Tackler. 
I feel like Caliendo can do this draft by himself and be Kiper, Boom and Grudes.
Never been to a BW2 - dying to go.
Houston getting a QB at top of round 2 imagine if it's Carr?  HOLY SHIT.
20 piece chucken nugget would have been a suite move, In the mood for taco bell now.
Blake is such a Florida name.
Sharon Stone still doing it for me.
VIKING REDEMPTION! Nice ending to the draft.


Good talk guys.















Tuesday, May 06, 2014

Synthesizer, microwave me. Give me a drug so I can make seven babies.

New post time.  Don't know what I'm going to talk about in this post, if anything at all.

I can't come up with anything. Kinda watching the Brewers game, talking routers on the twitter, having cocktails.

I can tell you that I'm really looking forward to throwing horse shoes on the new pits next week.  I was on fire Sunday evening.  I think I figured out a new, more simple grip and technique to get the rotation I'm looking for.  That means nothing to you guys, but it makes sense like this; I throw a "turn" instead of a flip.  My shoes rotate horizontally instead of flipping end over end.  I can't figure out the flip.  So, me & my buddy were just getting some good practice time in on Sunday, and I figured out that I should grip the shoe along the left arm of it, and it gives me a damn near perfect one and a quarter turn with the shoe hitting the pit one the open side.  I was all over the stake.  Can't wait to keep working on it.

Got damn, the Brewers have absolutely tattooed some pitches from the DBacks.  GoGo leadoff bomb to dead center, Maldy goes no-doubter to left, and Jean decides to go upper-decking.  This game is due for a Mark Reynolds bomb.  Can't wait to get Brauny back on Monday. It's also become very clear that Jon Lucroy has been teaching Maldy how to frame pitches.  The two guys are just beasts behind the plate.  They don't do a whole lot in regards to throwing out base stealers, but the defense & the framing is ridiculous.  They both call really good games, too.  I'll also add that Maldonado is potentially one of our best relievers(S? NS? NOT SURE).

They still haven't found that damn plane.  I hope it's never found.  Ever.

These NBA Playoffs have been ridiculous this year, but I don't feel like talking hoop right now because it's been such a whirlwind and I don't have the words in these here fingers.  I'm just enjoying the games.

Eh, screw it.  I'm going to bed.


Friday, May 02, 2014

Are you mocking me?

I've decided that I would take Manziel. I think he's the real deal. Of course like Vick and like RGIII and like all these scramblers injuries are concern. The big boys in the NFL put hurt on people. But I think the kid is a winner. First time in a minute Giants have a top 12 pick (12th). The GM will take best available according to his board not Mel's. It will probably surprise people. And it won't be a need. If it happens to be a need. Suite.



My mock.  I think Cleveland trades down but will just put the player at 4 for them.  If I'm St. Louis I trade the 2 for someone jonesing for Manziel.  We'll see.



Texans - Greg Robinson
Rams - Clowney
Jags - Manziel (sucks for him dude)
Browns - Bortles
Raiders - Kahil Mack
Falcons - Sammy Watkins
Tampa - Jake Matthews
Vikes -  Lewan
Bills - Mike Evans
Lions -Morgan Moses
Titans -Aaron Donald
Giants-  Ha-Ha Clinton Dix
Rams- Zack Martin
Bears - Darqueze
Steelers - Eric Ebron
Cowboys - Justin Gilbert
Ravens - CJ Mosely
Jets - Ra'shed Hageman
Miami - Kyle Fuller
Arizona - Odell Beckham jr.
Packers - Calvin Pryor
Eagles - Brandin Cooks
Cheifs - Marqise Lee
Bengals - Stephon Tuitt
Cahrgers - Timmy Jernigan
Browns - Ryan Shazier
Saints - Kony Ealy
Carolina - Jason Verritt
Pats - Jeremiah Attachou
Niners - Louiz Nix III
Broncos - Anthony Barr
Seattle - Cody Lattimer


-------------------------------------------------------------------------


Have a lot of problems with the Superman movie Man of Steel.  Lots of ridculousness.  Good movie though, I know that sounds dumb.


I think sucks balls is my favorite way to describe a shitty situation.


Colon in Colorado is not a good idea.


I don't think Knox did it.


We have to pretend to love soccer soon.









Friday, April 25, 2014

Would you rather die from 1000 bee stings or squeezed to death by a python?

Shouldn't I post on like Wed. since Monday is a new post? Or since we are in the middle of the LOV apocolyspe it doesn't matter when I post?

Cameron Diaz is gross. I'd lay it because my standards are lower than the limbo pole at a midget bar but she doesnt wear anti-perspirant and had a big bush and a weird face.

Tem you can buy aapl now. In June will be about $85-90 a share. Buy what you can.

You know this place needs more ass and tits. That will breathe new life.

What is your least favorite house chore? (That you do or that you do most of the time) Mine is cleaning the oven. But I haven't done it yet. I just know that will be it.

What's the deal with those morons who stretch holes in their ear lobes? I aint googling it because its gross but do those grow back or do they have giant holes in their ears for life? That's gonna look great when they are 60. Morons.

I'll tell ya we picked the wrong fucking generation to raise kids in. This is gonna suck. Maybe Meiz is right. Gay but right.

My favorite zoo animal are sea lions. They are cool.

Lamarcus Aldrige is a man.

NFL with the schedule presentation is so dumb, none of you retards watched that right? Debating who has a tough schedule or what matchups are juicy before rosters are even filled out is supremely retarded. NFL better be careful ----people do get turned off by over saturation. It's akin to a company expanding too fast like Krispy Kreme.

These Cialis commercials are not ridiculous because of the setting or how the actors give the come hither looks they are ridiculous because who the fuck is gonna believe that women actually want some dick. I bet they happy as fuck when they niggas shit cant get hard.

Beyoncé is a ho.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino