Thursday, October 31, 2013

Even O:FB takes a break now and then

Congrats Aitch...enjoy it! I hope the GM of the Dodgers gets a ring too for taking all those bad contracts off the Red Sox hands.

Wednesday, October 30, 2013

blah blah blah

something something something

yes yes no



giants suck

redsawks in 6


Went and saw "Book of Mormon" this weekend.  I say that if that show comes to a town near you, make sure to see it.  Haven't laughed so hard in years.  Those SouthPark guys know how to write comedy.

Do you call it the Theater, or the Theatre?

Tuesday, October 29, 2013

These are the days

World series is on too late to watch. I can only watch like 5 innings.

Monday night football is on too late to watch. I can only watch about a half.

In other news I am getting old.

Allstate commercial with the $5 refund check popped up again yesterday. Fucking Allstate. Retards.

My eye boogers have exceptionally strong grip on the eye today. They won't come out.

I hope the World Series ends on a hidden ball trick.

Sunday, October 27, 2013

Dez Is Jelly Of Megatron

was told by his own teammates to get his shine box

Matt Ryan hate building back up, at least when Stafford has a bunch on turnovers he chucks right and pads the stats proper

Friday, October 25, 2013

El Picks

"Welker had a day off from practice Wednesday. Perhaps he went to the movies. He is in no danger of missing this Sunday's game vs. the Redskins"

Who the fuck writes these lil news bits on yahoo! ffb? Meiz you need to apply for jobs like this.

Your not going to believe this but I want to fuck the shit out of this Thursday night football singing arab chick. Am I welcome to your city bitch? Dick City here I cum.

HAHAHAHAHAHA Nessler opens the broadcast and says welcome to the city by the bay. Isn't that SF? Oakland? It isn't tampa bay even though geographically it's by a bay. Still.

Ron Rivera has great hair.

How many of those pepper honey shrimps do you think Chris Berman can eat? I say 189.



Dallas +3 over DETROIT
Cincy had no business winning that game but did because, well, The Lions. So fuck it I'm not trusting them against a hot QB. Put last week aside Romo has been fantastic thus far.

KC -7.5 over Brown
Surprised this isn't higher. Suicide pick. If you're thinking they are looking past the Browns maybe but even if they are Jason Campbell, on the road (arrowhead no less) is involved so yeah.

Miami +6.5 over PATS
Pats are just too banged up this weekend and Brady just isn't Brady with all the moving parts on offense.

NEW ORLEANS -11 over Bills
Tough for a good team to keep up with the Saints at home. Bills aren't good.

San Fran -16.5 over JAX
This game is in the City of London. I hope it rains. Thbat shitty ass weather with those shitty ass people sporting shitty ass teeth. Fuck Charles Dickens.

Jets +6.5 over BENGALS
Points here. I actually like Geno Smith. SSHHHH Don't tell my Giant Jet Hating brothers.

OAKLAND +2.5 over Steelers
I like DA RAIDERS for the win here. lil upset special for your muffin

Skins +12.5 over BRONCOS
Purnts. Getting chilly out there Peyton....

Atlanta +2.5 over ARIZONA
It's obvious Carson Palmer will take this team nowhere.

Green Bay-9 over MINNY
Minny is awful and Peterson has a lower leg injury (hockey talk).

Seattle -11 over ST LOO
OOOFF Kellen Clemems oooff.

Thursday, October 24, 2013


Headline: "Greg Oden dunks in Miami Heat debut" Greg Oden is getting girls basketball like headlines now...good for him.

I'm in a class at work this week and!

Headline: "Sources: Rams called Favre after QB injury" As long as the Bears don't call him, I'm good.

Is anyone watching The Goldbergs? funny stuff.


Wednesday, October 23, 2013

Thanks Obama

This is an actual ad for the Colorado Healthcare Exchange.  Rumor has it, it's one of the best exchanges (if not the best) in the country.  They haven't had any of the same issues that the federal exchange has had.  I thought this was a parody, but it's a real ad, on their real website.
I started reading my Calvin and Hobbes book again last night...the jokes are funny, and still hold 25 years later.
Sports is going on.  I guess the Avs are good at Hockey again. 
Redsox/Cardinals who ya got? To me it's the lesser of two evils, and there is not right answer.

Tuesday, October 22, 2013



1-1 in money leagues.  1-0 in free leagues.  I am still leading the pick em pool which should be embarrassing for all involved.


As. owes me a 2 week name change.  I didn't see it yesterday, but admittedly I did not look a lot.  I was busy.  The lawn aeration guy broke the DirecTV so it was a busy day.  #firstworldproblems


Giants won, so El Pad should be happy.  I didn't get to watch the game so I didn't get to see how bad Freeman did.  Let me tell you that he is terrible and I expect nothing but terrible out of him.


Folks be dropping like flies.  I hope Eddie isn't next.  Or Warren.  Hopefully nobody is next.

Doug Martin

My bad everyone.  Although everyone here should be safe because you should have known he was my keeper and well you should know what happens there.  As an aside Alfred Morris was my other keeper. Again, apologies for his underperforming. 


Dodgers spent literally a billion dollars on the team and then a ton more on payroll, now they seem to be getting cheap when it comes to money for the manager?  Just lock him up to a multiyear deal and then fire him if he sucks like all the other big spending teams do.


Did I bitch about the chevy commercial yet?  They say nobody has a quieter cab and by nobody we mean dodge and dodge and ford have quieter cabs, got it.  I feel like I bitched about this one already.

Monday, October 21, 2013


seemed like they wanted to get him the ball every play, the fuck?

finally getting the ball to welker was huge for me as long as myers keeps myersing tonight I'm good

me during that drive with welker making suite catches:

no choice but to root for cardinals, got to, cmon O:FB!!!

read that rams considering tebow? Tebowski!!!

Friday, October 18, 2013

El Picks

Woman always have something wrong with them. My neck hurts. My back hurts. Throat, ear, leg. Can you just give me some pussy and raise my kids please. It's simple.

thanksgiving is late

Pete Carroll chews the shit out of that gum

Tampa +7 over ATLANTA
Bucs are a mess but so is Atlanta. Can you even trust them in a suicide pool? If no then take the points.

DETROIT -2.5 over Bengals
Like Meiz said on twatter* the other day the Lions gonna win 11 or 12 games. The Benali's are suspect on the road.

MIAMI -8 over Bills
I'm not happy about this spread but everytime I keep talking myself into taking Buffalo here I laugh.

Pats -4.5 over JETS
I got nothing.

Dallas +2.5 over PHILLY
Anyone understand this line? Eagles suck vs. the Pass, Cowboys are a top 5 passing team. Eagles beat an 0-5 Giants team and a Bucs team in disarray now they are giving points to a team that went toe-to-toe with Denver who spanked them.

Chicago even over SKINS
The read option is dead. RGIII isn't what the hype built up. If he's lucky he'll be as productive as Randall Cunningham. Which would not be a bad thing.

CAROLINA -6 over St. Louis
Seems like the Panthers have a few things figured out. If Brandon LaFell keeps playing well / they'll be swell / and will be able to make it through hell / with a bell / not a Dell. / Curry / I break Murray. DeMarco. Polo. YOLO.

Just rapped. Boom.

San Diego -7.5 over JACKS
Phillip Rivers is the worst. But whatever. Did you know he has 7 kids. Wtf.

me too, only met 2 of them though


San Fran -4 over TITANS
Going to be a dogfight. Think Kappernick* makes a few plays in the 4th quarter for the difference.

Browns +10 over GREEN BAY
They'll win but not by 10.

KC -6.5 over Casey Keenums
Nice 1st start for the young fella, at Arrowhead 4:25 start (fans will be extra juiced) vs. an undefeated team.

Ravens +1.5 over STEELERS
Used to love wathcing these two teams knock the snot out of each other. Doesn't feel the same. Both teams kind of suck ass now.

COLTS +6.5 over Denver
Game of the week. Peyton. Von Miller back. Irsay comments. Colts off a bad loss home with a crazy crowd behind them might just knock off the Broncos. I know it will be close so points is the play here.

Thursday, October 17, 2013


Apparently we have a government least for about 90 days when we get to do this all again.

I wish I had more to say this morning, but I don't.


Wednesday, October 16, 2013


I know i'm getting old when after a day or two of cold weather, i'm bitching that I'm sick of the cold weather.  Maybe I should be a snowbird and go to Arizona for the winter.

We had a "stock the bar" party at our house on Friday.  Finished off the keg, and then guys brought over more whiskey/scotch/bourbon than I know what to do with. We only opened one bottle, of course it was the 18 year old single malt Glenlivet that the contractor who built the basement brought.  it's about half gone, but that's a $100 bottle of scotch.  I of course broke out the ron burgundy quotes as I drank it.

Jim Irsay is either an idiot, or a genius.  I'm probably leaning towards the idiot side.  I don't understand why they're having a video tribute to PFM right before the game.  It will be awkward.  Does he think that it will make Peyton want to destroy the Colts any less?  Also, Irsay needs to keep his drunk mouth shut.

Baseball playoffs have been either boring or intense.  You name it.  Bunch of 1-0 and 2-1 games or whatever.  I hate the Cardinals.

"Last shot? Poll says MJ or Kobe, not LeBron"  This is dumb.  Where is Carmelo on this list, or Chauncey Billups.  (s)

The avs are 6-0, so now Denver is a hockey town again, at least for a couple more weeks.

Tuesday, October 15, 2013

A win is a win

1) Why can't I type posts in Explorer?  I have to fire up Firefox.  Then I can't comment in Firefox, I have to fire up Explorer for that.  Fucking computers.

2) Chevy has a commercial out that says something like "nobody has a quieter cabin than chevy.  and by nobody we mean dodge and ford."   Does that mean Dodge and Ford have quieter cabins?  That's what I am hearing when they say that.  Fucking commercials.

3) I won my two money leagues but lost the free one.  I'll take it.  I won by 1 point in one league.  That makes it so I have a 1 point loss, a 1 point win and a 2 point win.  Nail Biter city.  By the by this is my free team that is fucking 2-4.

A. Peterson
D. Thomas
D. Jackson
J. Thomas
K. Thompkins
Some kicker
some defense

4) tOSU looks like a lock to go undefeated.  hahah jinx.

5) UFC tomorrow is Machida at middleweight.  I will want to see that.  Hopefully he doesn't run from them like he ran from light heavyweights.

Friday, October 11, 2013

El Picks


Soup is stupid.

There are about 26 professions/things/jobs (I can list them good idea for a future post) that I know I can do and do well. That leaves about what 40,000 that I can't do? Let's discuss.

Why don't they just call the Redskins the Pigskins so everyone can keep saying "The Skins".

BILLS +7.5 over Bengals
How the fuck am I supposed to pick this game. Fucking Thad Lewis. All I know is the Bengals have sucked on the road and I'm just going with points here. Reminds me of baseball games where a kid is called up from the minors and throws up zeros because the batters need more than 7.2 innings to figure that sumbitch out. Hopefully Thad keeps us close. Who the fuck names their kid Thad anyway.

Lions -2.5 over BROWNS
Weeden is awful. If Calvin Johnson isn't playing I want my money back.

Raiders +9 over CHEIFS
In Pryor we trust. Seems like Arrowhead is buying a few points for the Chiefs here. Raiders are coming off a pretty impressive win given the fact that the Chargers are better than alot of people thought initially. Pryor clearly was the right choise* over Flynn.

VIKES -2.5 over Carolina
Remember when I said how could Houston go so long without re-stocking their WR's like why didn't they draft a guy that could have added another dimension to thier offense, someone who could be paired with Andre Johnson? That comment applies here except times it by 10 since instead of Andre Johnson they had a seemingly never aging Steve Angry Elf Smith. Cam completing a Marck Sanchez like 57% of his passes, drops to 48% on third down. Yikes.

Steelers +2 over JETS
Did any of us ever think we'd be alive to see the JETS laying points when they faced the Steelers? Here's to thinking Dicky LeBeau has some shit up his sleeve for Geno.

Philly -1 over TAMPA
I can't touch Tampa no matter who they play with all that turmoil. They have termites.

Green Bay -2 over BALTIMORE
Rodgers has all his weapons healthy. He will be deadly this week.

HOUSTON -7.5 over Rams
Schaub nonsense aside the Texans defense has shown flashes of brillance and I think they turn a gem here. Not hard to do vs. literally the worse offensive coordinator I've ever seen.

DENVER -27.5 over Jax
Do I have to break this one down? Jacksonville's only hope is inclement weather or a Manning assisination.

Titans +13.5 over SEAHAWKS
That's a big number vs. a respectable defense. That Seattle O has not been impressive so far. Other than Lynch. they've shown us nothing.

Saints +2 over NEW ENGLAND
Brady just doesn't have the weapons to survive a shoot out. Unless the wiazrd can work his magic on the defensive side I can see the Saints pulling away late in this one. Also. Jimmy Graham.

SAN FRAN -11 over Zona
Think SF is in the midst of a nice little 6-1 stretch here. They got that swagger back.

Skins +5.5 over DALLAS
Washington always plays NFC east foes tight. I'll take the points. Feels like a FG with time expiring game. This whole REDSKINS name change thing is quite retarded. Can we just change it to Indians?

Colts -1 over CHARGERS
Colts are the better.

Thursday, October 10, 2013

Good run, Pirates!

I'm running late today. I took some Nyquil last night and put me in some type of coma. I felt hungover this morning. I'm still in some sort of fog. I slept well, though.

#fantasyreasons: I have Brady in one league, I'm playing a team with Brady in the other two.

LP...are we going to have some sort of bet tonight?

Wednesday, October 09, 2013

drinking from your cup til it runneth over

boston strong...hey it's been 5 months or so, lets get over it.  quit comparing it to 9/ 2 people died.  Stupid Rays.  Oakland will show Boston how "strong" it is.

government is still closed.  yet they still took the payroll taxes out of my paycheck.  That's a bunch of bullshit right there.

This Elizabeth Smart chick is kinda hot.  who says that all kidnap victims end up being scarred for life?

Falcons suck

NBA preseason has started, who ya got?  Money May went and spent some time with the Heat telling them about how it's difficult to defend a championship.  He also bet on the speech and won like $50million.

Carmelo Anthony is sad.  Oh, poor guy, cry me a river you pussy.

You would think that when you're as rich and powerful as Condeleeza Rice, you'd have gotten your teeth fixed. 

Cards will beat the Dodgers in 6.

I'm going to try out this 9.99 spotify thing.  Can I do it for just one month?  If it sucks can I blame Steve.

Tuesday, October 08, 2013

Classic Year

Classic fantasy year for me.  My records are terrible in all three leagues.  Like 2-3 and 1-4 and then a 2-3 or something like that.  I have scored either the third or fourth most points in each league and given up either the most or second to most.  I played against Sproles when he has 40 points, the next week he gets 3.  I play against Pryor for his big week, I played Manning for his 7 TDs, if someone goes off I played against them.  Guess who has two thumbs and played against Jeffries this week?  This guy did.


The undefeated talk is going crazy.  The rest of the schedule is apparently a cake walk according to the office folks.  Braxton Miller is going to make a run at the Heisman but won't get there.  That Baylor RB will be in the conversation soon.


Some high school BS going on there.  Coach is pulling the QB after second down to yell at him and putting in the other guy.  Then the original guy starts the next series, but gets pulled on third down to get yelled at.  This ain't hike school pal.  Let the starter play and yell at him after you punt or turn it over. 


Everyone knew the INT was coming.  It was the power of all those negative thoughts that made it happen.  All that negative energy brings him down.  People need to believe in him and then he'll do well.


It was a great ride this year.  Maybe this Cole kid can keep it going, but I think on the road, game 5 against probably Wainwright, I don't see it happening.  Good year though.  Good job! Good effort!

Falcons and Chargers

Fuck em both.

Monday, October 07, 2013



sorry about lame post, Romo'd it

4-1 in $$$ league, need tony g < 24 in $ league.

Friday, October 04, 2013

El Picks

New Orleans even over DA BEARS
Jimmy Graham. I keep sending trade offers, legit trade offers, to this guy and he keeps refusing them with no comments, no basis for the rejections. Related. I think I'm in love with Jimmy Graham.

New England over BENGALS
Pats keep it rolling man. I think I know why. They don't have the best WR corp, still a work in progress but have you counted the time Brady has had to throw? The o line is pretty fucking good.

GREEN BAY -7 over Detroit
Still LOVE Green Bay. Think they worked the kinks out over the bye week.

TITANS +3 over Chiefs
Upset of the day. Titans will smother the Chiefs at hom...fuck I forgot Locker is out. Still rolling with it. Throw shit at the wall. Sometimes it will stick.

Seattle -2.5 over COLTS
Texasn manhandled the Seahawks last week for 3 quarters then rolled over. I doubt the Seahawks will allow that to happen again. I say they go hard from the first play of the game. Colts can be physical too just ask the Niners. But the Seattle corners are exceptional and Luck runs out of weapons after Wayne and Hilton.

Jax +11.5 over RAMS
Cmon. I swung and miss on Rams they look shitty. Forgot that Brian Schottenheimer runs that offense. He is a quarterback murderer. His fathers old balls could coach better than B-RIDE.

MIAMI -3 over Ravens
The Monday night game was an impossible task this team was not ready for. They can handle the Ravens at home, they are still a good football team.

Because I said so:
Carolina -2 over ARIZONA
Denver -7.5 over DALLAS
SF -6.5 over Houston
San Diego -4.5 over OAKtown
Jets +10 over ATLANTA

Anthony Munoz finger has nothing on Brian Baldinger's finger.

Dodgers all the way. Lock it up.

Thursday, October 03, 2013

Post Title

Talking to Houston Texan fans about Schaub yesterday was fun. Some of them think they'd be better off without Schaub. He's got some issues like most QBs, but you better have a replacement and I don't think they have that. One guy I talked with yesterday thought they should put their third string kid, Case Keenum. Articles like this don't help. The kid is 3rd string for a reason.

I am going to attempt to do a Tough Mudder run this Sunday with a friend of mine. I didn't consider #fantasyreasons when I signed up. I generally don't make changes to my lineups after I check them Sunday morning anyways. Its like changing answers on a test. I'm not in the greatest shape right now, so this should hurt but it looks like it might be fun too. I'll probably be in a coma on Monday. Here is our course and here are a list of obstacle descriptions.

About 7 weeks out from having a kid. cmjug is in the phase where she is uncomfortable all of the time. I am no longer to say that I'm tired under any circumstance. Sometimes it seems like its still a long way off and sometimes it hits me that my life is about to change more than it ever has.

I've been trying to stay away from national news lately. This government shutdown is frustarating on many levels. I'm fortunate to get back pay when its all said and done, but it should have never gotten to this point. Moral isn't the best at work with about 90% of the people getting sent home last Monday. Those people aren't guaranteed to get back pay. end woe


Wednesday, October 02, 2013

because I care

stuck in traffic, and then had to hop right on a conference call. 

So this is all you get for today

Charissa Thompson, way hotter than EA

Tuesday, October 01, 2013

New Post

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Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino