Tuesday, April 30, 2013

Topics Du Jour

Let's get right to it.


Jason Collins

1) Anyone who says coming out didn't increase his chances of playing in the league next year from 50% to 100% is an idiot. Sorry. There is no way the NBA will risk the bad PR that would follow if he doesn't play. Look, I get it, he is an older big guy who is near the end of his career. 3 days ago the chances he played in the league next year were about 50%. He has had a long solid career, nothing to be ashamed of, but his time might have run its course. Without the announcement he had about a 50% chance of playing next year. Now, if he doesn't sign the NBA will have so much bad publicity. It doesn't matter his skill level, groups will come out and say he wasn't signed because of him coming out. The media will run with it. It will be a HUGE story if he isn't signed. David Stern is not that dumb. He will make sure that Collins gets signed somewhere.

2) To be honest I am kind of surprised some other guy didn't fake coming out just to get a couple more years of million dollar salaries. Not to mention all of the endorsement money. Goodness, there is a movie in this. Sign one of the Wayans brothers up. Straight guy fakes being gay to stay in the league and make money. I am in no way saying Collins is doing this, just that I am shocked it hasn't happened already and/or wasn't already a movie. They made Juwanna Man or whatever it was called, so why not this? Well it is too late now. Juwanna Gay would have made millions.

3) Mike Wallace is an idiot. I was waiting for the first pro player to send out the tweet that was literally just retarded in timing and was immediately followed by backtracking and apoligies. Mike Wallace didn't disappoint. True story, cmtem and I were at Rooster's (keith knows) eating before birthing class and this Collins stuff was all over the news. I tolt* cmtem that I was disappointed that no pro athelete hadn't stuck his foot in his mouth yet. I said maybe basketball players are too smart...it'll probably be a football player....then 10 seconds later ESPN is showing the Wallace tweets.

4) It will be interesting to see how Collins is treated next year. I think the fans will be the worst part for him. I guess that might be obvious though.


5) I think Jug said this first, but I am expanding on it.



NHL Playoffs

The Blue Jackets didn't make it based on the tiebreaker system. They didn't even get past the first step.

1) Are you the Blue Jackets? No, continue along....Yes, go home.
2) Goals scored or something, who knows...it isn't head to head, that's all I know


Nets

Trying to make a series of it, but I don't think it will work. They blew a good chance to get destroyed by the Heat. Now the Bulls will lose to the Heat in 5.



Other stuff happened too, but I have to poop.


Friday, April 26, 2013

NFL DRAFT 2013 - Live Blogging - El Pad Style

8:13 - We are live from the El Padrino casa......Smuttynose IPA in my cup.  ICE COLD Nigga.

8:14 - Bradley, 1st year coach for Jax, has to be happy he getting a 10 year LT starter.

8:15 - Waiting on Andy Reid, don't think they got the trade done so it will be a tackle.  Poor Brandon Albert. 

8:16 - Gruden in rare form already.  He has alot of haters but this guy isn't one of them.  I love him.

8:17 - Fisher with a pocket square.  Interesting.  I don't like pocket squares, too noisy for me.

8:18 - Would pay solid gold to hear the under the breath comments these guys exchange with Goodell all night.  Even though it will be a bunch of cliche talk.

8:19 - Good kid this Fisher.  Good kid.

8:20 - That shirt Jokel* is wearing I wore yesterday.  I dress very well.

8:26 - Ha Oakland finally has a 1st round pick, wonder if they are fucking this up.

8;28 - You think Mel Kiper from like May - September he just gets a hair tranplant of some kind?

8:30 - no this bitch with lane johnson doesnt have braces right now the fuck

8:32 - they forgot to put makeup on Kiper's neck, its really pale and off compared to his peach face

8:33 - TRAAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDDDDDEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE

8:34 - Fins being aggressive.  Like it.  I'm aggressive.

8:35 - wow.  Thought they'd go Lane.  Pass rushers man.  They are men in this game.

8:35 - Gruden hates it.  Interesting.

8:39 - Grudes making solid points.  Borderline Gruden chills right now.

8:42 - EAGLES SUCK, EAGLES SUCK

8:43 - Daddy wore his cowboy hate, fucking Oklahominans.

8:48 - Lions going Millner no?

8:50 - The Dee in D!!! Do it.

8:50 - The fuck is a Ezekiel Ansah?

8:55 - Barkevious.  Great name mom.  Asshole.

9:11 - Tavon Austin is FAST and the Rams trading up thinking the Jets would grab him.  Bold.  Rams still have the 22nd.

9:12 - I'm ready for hilarity Jets.  Make me proud.

9:13 - Solid.  Except he'll be compared to Revis and fall short of expectations.

9:26 - This Warmack is a house.

9:31 - Phillip Rivers sucks

9:31 -Roll Tide on a roll here.

9:32 - Jesus look at this dudes head.

9:33 - Oh Geno is gonna be a long night man

9:34 - If I'm Oakland I grab one of those big boys for the middle.  Floyd or Star.

9:38 - The kid with the heart thing?  Eww.  Woulda took an interior defensive end. 

9:39 - Ryan has to go Star or Shariff.

9:42 - I'd have sex with Suzy Kolber.

9:44 - God yes please.  Take Geno.  NY media will eat him alive.

9:45 - Play it safe, take the lineman.  Or trade out.  Run.

9:45 -  You think the kids are sitting there thinking of what they are buying tomorrow?

9:46 - Safe.  Good. 

9:47 - Floyd - Star sinking like rock.  Hope one of them fall to 19.  GGGMMENN.

9:51 - That TE on there for Cam

9:52 - Kiper bashing the Jet pick.  Love it.

9:53 - STAR.

9:54 - No Hawaiian Buns in Carolina young man.  Hope you like BBQ.

9:55 - Mort is awful.

9:55 - Saints have to go defense they are the worst team in the league on D.  Worst. 

9:59 - Classic NY giving a kid with no leg some love.

10:00 - Good pick I liked this kid.  He does it all on defense.

10:01 - Nassib?

10:05 - In your face Geno Smith.  Buffalo be cold though young man.  Fucking EJ first QB off the board.  Wow.

10:06 - Steeler pick in already.  Lacy?  They had Bradshaw in twice didn't sign him.......

10:08 - I'm wrapping this up after the Giants pick.  Gotta put the young man down to sleep. 

10:09 - Unrelated.  I love April's tits on Eastbound and Down.

10:09 - I mean I really love them.  Like alot.

10:09 - Giants will have every player rumored to go there available to them.  Even if Dallas takes Shariff Floyd.

10:11 - Who are these dunces sitting on the tables....Pitssburgh guy got the super bowl ring on.

10:12 - Jones dropped, nice value.  Played faster than he worked out at.

10:13 - San Fran leap frogged Giants - traded up with Dallas.  WHO ARE YOU TAKING HARBAUGH?

10:14 - Eric Reid?  You guys were smitten with Eric Reid?  THE FUCK SO YOU KNOW?

10:15 - GGGGGGMMMMEEEENNNNNNNNNNN

10:16 - There are ten players the Giants can take right here.  I have no idea who they are taking.  None.

10:17 - Pick is in.  After the commercials of DQ treats.....

10:20 - I'm nervous.

10:21 - Fucking Giants.  He wasn't one of the 10 players anyone mentioned.  Watch him be a 10 year starter at LT.  Amazing.  They did it again.

Thursday, April 25, 2013

Draft Day

Who ya got?

Whatta gotta Brittney Griner? /Freak

Bears typically mess up their first round pick, hopefully their new GM starts a new trend.

If you're a potential first round pick, do you except* an invitation to the draft and hang out in the green room, or stay home with family and friends?

For those of you not playing the Facebook game or reading LOVAD...cmrev is pregnant. I found this video of rev at the birth. AJA, congrats Rev...very cool!!

Whatta gotta fancy ketchup?

That's all I got...go!









Wednesday, April 24, 2013

fuggets

The nuggets are soft.  Gone are the days of Kenyon Martin shoving Dirk Nowitzki into the 3rd row.  Somebody from the Nuggets needs to wake up and knock Steph Curry on his ass and say "welcome to the playoffs".  But that won't happen, they'll just let him run around like a kid on the playground and shoot the lights out. 

Celtics look dun...no legs in the second half of either game

Heat, well, maybe they'll get tired of always winning.

I'm glad there is a football playoff now in the NCAA, i'm sure that will make things crystal clear and there will be no more bitching? amiright?

I'm restocking my liquor cabinet slowly.  I went through a phase where i just drank it all and didn't replenish...now i'm trying to buy a bottle of good stuff, drink some and then buy another bottle of another something good, to stock back up.

whatta gotta boobs

i don't linked in or facebook.  I had a guy on my staff tell me I should linked in, I told him he was stupid.





Tuesday, April 23, 2013

Blah blah blah panties

Accidental Racist

Suck it media. You tried to make this a big story but nobody bit. The song isn't groundbreaking and nobody really cares. The addition of LL Cool J doesn't make it some super rap song. Look, if I was an undercover cop and was trying to infiltrate a rap gang and I told them that LL Cool J was my favorite rapper my cover would be immediately blown. LL Cool J is as much as a rapper now as Will Smith is. OK that isn't quite fair, but you get the point. This song is a non issue media and no matter how hard you tried to make it one the public isn't biting. So yeah, public 1, media 0.


Recaps on ESPN

Why are these always written backwards?? It's like the new way to write an article is to tell me who won and by how much, then tell me of a significant play, then recap the 4th quarter action, then the third quarter, then the second, then the first and then the article ends. WTF? I believe they are trying to get me to stop reading. It is like if you read the last chapter of a book, then the second to last...at that point you'd be done. Why bother reading the rest? Stop it AP or ESPN or whoever is writing this shit.


NCAA

I am pretty sure I can play tonight. Sorry for the delay.


Revis

I like that he used to be good. I hope he is again. I don't like that he seems to be more about the money than anything else. The money and the brand. I don't think he and Schiano are going to get along. I just don't see it ending well. I see either him not being the player he was, him getting hurt again, him quitting on Schiano or Schiano quitting on him. I don't see the ending where he plays like an All Pro for five years and the Bucs D becomes awesome again. I just don't see it. He'll be holding out either next summer or guaranteed the summer after that. The only way he isn't a hold out one of those two years is if he gets cut.

NHL

People around town say the Blue Jackets are going to make the playoffs. Maybe the Mayans were right. Fuck.


NBA

Nobody has anything for the Heat. Let's just show movies instead of games.





OK I am done.

Monday, April 22, 2013

Lakers Suck

self-punch

flying knee KO

fast forward to a minute in

hilarity

Friday, April 19, 2013

I was born by the pussy, I'll die by the pussy.

How come we can eat the cob of baby corns but not papa corns?  I mean it can be tenderized I'm not suggesting knawing on the cob for three hours to get it down or anything like that.  Some brooklyn hipster chef will figure this out one day and corn on the cob consumption will explode - people will be paying top dollar to eat a cob tasting in Williamsburg,  Fucking hipsters.

fucking Greek yougurt market has exploded who knew.  You pussies eat that shit or you still buy the La Yogurts that are half the price.  Fage (Fa-Yeah).  HAHAHAHAHA.  Fag(e)s.

Remember that conversation about the first person to eat shrimp or clams?  What about the first person to realize (post death) they were allergic to shellfish?

Fuck Marry Kill with childhood crushes -
Mariah Carey - Kelly from Saved by the Bell - Cindy Crawford

Go.

Thursday, April 18, 2013

the wine works fine, but the whiskey is cheaper...

Anyone ever try that fanduel.com site? Just curious...

Bulls vs Nets in the first round...bet Lp?

filjug and some of his friends go out to a local bar every Wednesday after work for an hour or so for a couple of drinks. They call the group "Venters"...good group of guys and I usually join them a couple of times a month. Tonight we are switching it up and going here. Cheap beer and food, good times. They also do some golfing* outings and have a turkey fry every year just before Thanksgiving...fun group.

Here is a county song for tem and anyone else who wants to listen. Here is another one. I need to go to a concert soon.

YAHUGE explosion at a fertilizer plant near Waco, TX last night. Right now they are saying 5-15 dead, but I have to think its going to be worse than that. The blast destroyed buildings in a 5-6 block radius. You can see a video of the explosion here...crazy.

That's all I got...GO!



Wednesday, April 17, 2013

evel knieval



Pat Summerall died. Jim Nantz is the new Pat Summerall, except without the alcoholism and the fact that Nantz is a douche

Hands...touching hands, reaching out...touching me...touching you....



NFL draft is coming up...who ya got?

Monday, April 15, 2013

Friday, April 12, 2013

Revenge. Sweet lasting revenge. Now it's time for all of us to get a taste.

How delicious are hamburgers and pizza?  I mean seriously.  So awesome.  I don't feel like I could live without them.  Unless facing imminent death.

Been trying to wake up really early and like do something active like run or excercise.  It's tough.  My body just refuses to move that early.  Much respect to the peoples that do that.  To the assholes that do it at night you aren't special.  Nobody cares.  Morning people, mad props.  I can do it at night to but i'd rather throw the kids around and put them to bed. 

The Fleetwood Mac commerical with the Clydesdales still gets a thumbs up from me.

Fucking Ninja Turtles are still on tv making kids happy.  Good to see.

Does anyone click on or listen to Simmons podcast.  They seem like good content but i never give them a shot.  Plus I dont want to download anything.  I have come to the conclusion that I am the laziest fucking guy when it comes to leisurely activities.

Prometheus was a bomb ass movie yo.  Peep game.

I'm in the mood for some pussy.

Googling singulair and bourbon.  So I dont die.

No matter how much money you make it's never enough.

Fucking Ramen noodles are hot now.  I should go back to crushing cases.  Does that shit have MSG in it?

Fucking Bulls still a thorn in my ass.




Thursday, April 11, 2013

Wednesday, April 10, 2013

Masters week

It is master's week

The story will be (as always) Tiger or the field. I'm betting Tiger.

Uconn won again

NBA playoffs start next week. Here's the thing, because so many teams get in there really isn't much drama in the last week about who is getting in. The 8 teams in the east are pretty much locked. Out west there's some anxiety over whether the lakers, jazz, or mavs are going to get in, but it will be the Lakers.

Tem won the LOV pool. Send me your address and i'll get your prize pack out to you.

The company I work for is for sale, we're going to market this summer. Should be a ton of fun. I've been assured that I shouldn't be worried about my job, we'll just see about that. Great news is that at the end of the deal, my golden handcuffs get released and I can move on if I want.

I thought about running a Timmy and Brutus throwback for the final 4, but couldn't do it justice...that and i'm lazy but i'll leave you with this

Brutus: Hold me Timmy

Timmy: I always do.

RIP zeke.



Tuesday, April 09, 2013

CORRECT!

NCAA Tourney

So a few weeks back I said this about who is going to win the big dance:

"I really have no idea. One minute I say Louisville, the I think IU, then I think Duke, then I think IU again. I can guarantee this, it won't be Michigan."

That tem guarantee was right on the money once again proving that I am great at picking.



Instead of lowering the hoop to let Ware cut down the nets I think they should have given him huge scissors.




LOV Pick em


1 I hope i beat el pad tem 33 of 63 102
2 TP todd 37 of 63 81
3 El Padrino's Cool Bracket El Padrino 36 of 63 72
4 *Blue man group blue 35 of 63 70 70
5 Meiz's Bracket The Road Warrior 35 of 63 58


tem wins! I will send me a prize pack.




Actual Game


I know Spike did great in the 1st half, but I think he let it get to his head. He tried to do too much in the 2nd half. I think if he would have calmed down a bit Michigan would have won. Also covering Hancock would have helped. Not sure who had that assignment, but they didn't do so good.


Refs sucked. They didn't suck one way or the other really, they just sucked. There was no rhyme or reason to calls. One time down the court they call touch fouls, next time it is all out physical. I still don't get why refs don't know that the best thing to be is consistent. Baseball umpires have figured this out why not other sports? You get some guys behind the plate with wild strike zones, but they are consistent about it so the players rarely complain. This is why when a ump blows a game like the one did for Texas there isn't a huge outcry....that and there are a billion games per season so 1 loss isn't a big deal.

In basketball it changes on every possession. NFL is pretty consistent except on pass interference plays.



Monday, April 08, 2013

ATTENTION

THIS POST HAS BEEN CENSORED FOR YOUR PROTECTION

Friday, April 05, 2013

El Padrino sucks at life

Can't even get posting right. What the hell? Now you guys have to read my drivel because he is slacking.

I have never been less enthusiastic for a new baseball season as I am for this one. Probably because the Sox are gonna blow this year. People around here are excited for Jackie Bradley, Jr. Rookie did ok in spring training. Chances are he'll be ok, but people are talking like they're already expecting him to be enshrined in Cooperstown. Calm down, pink hats.

Hey Meiz, I'm listening to the Allman Brothers. Is that ok by your standards?

NFL draft is 20 days away. Time to get all hyped about a bunch of players that probably won't pan out. The Patriots need help in the secondary and with the pass rush. They could also use a downfield threat. So they'll probably draft a bunch of O-linemen.

Jagr scored a goal in his debut with the Bruins. Kinda flukey because it went off his skate, but I'll take it. I hope they don't think they can count on Tuukka Rask and Anton Khudobin to make 40+ saves a night. That is not a formula for success in the playoffs.

Most, if not all, of you skipped that last paragraph. I'm done. Clap, you bastards.

No time for this shit.

Thursday, April 04, 2013

So I'll sit here with my whiskey...

cmjug had her first appointment with the doc on Tuesday and came back for the first ultrasound yesterday...very cool stuff. We got to see and hear the heartbeat which is crazy because she is only 7 weeks along. I know it sounds cliche, but I don't care if its a boy or a girl, as long as its healthy. Its moments like yesterday that I realize that I have no control over anything. Like we said before...shit just got real!

Wait, is this LOV??

So North Korea approved a nuke attack on the US. They might want to ask Japan how attacks on the US work out, just sayin.

Rutgers should hire Don Imus as their new basketball coach.

TPS will suck for the next three days...that is all for today.

GO!



Wednesday, April 03, 2013

Remember when...

Christina Aguilera looked like this


Old people drove golf carts around town


This happened


This chick was still alive


Bud Light commercials were actually funny

Tuesday, April 02, 2013

Leg Photo

I thought about posting the leg photo but 1) I don't have it and 2) Meiz would surely go insane. So instead of some gruesome injury porn you guys (and possibly 1 gal if she is still alive) get to read the normal crap from me. Enjoy.


Stuff

I think I am hitting a pre-baby crisis. I have things that for some reason I want to do. I think I have always wanted to do them, but now I have some urge to actually do them instead of just pretending. I hope it isn't a mid life crisis because I am not that old. Plus I think I am immortal so a mid life crisis doesn't make sense. Anyway, in no particular order:

1) Write a book. I could totally rock out some sort of novel. I don't think it would be great, but I have some imagination and creativity. I think I could put something out there that at least one person might enjoy reading. Maybe. I have a solid idea. It probably is a little below the footlong Mozz idea, but it should be OK. My biggest fear is that I will write something and then someone will read it and tell me that someone else already wrote the same story. I don't really read books anymore, so I don't know what has or hasn't been written. I don't want to accidentally write something someone else wrote. I might give this a shot this year. The goal is to have half the book finished by 12-31-13.

2) Get a pilots license. I have always wanted to have a pilots license. It seems like I can swing the cost of getting a license, but after that I am confused....what plane do I fly? Do I rent one? I don't think I can afford to buy one, I imagine they are expensive. I guess you can get a time share on a plane, but won't everyone want to use the plane on the same day? I mean Christmas time has to be the popular time to fly right? If I have a sixteenth of a plane it is probable that one of the other people will want the plane over Christmas too right? In any case I looked it up and you can get an introductory lesson and flight for pretty cheap, so I might do that and see how it goes. Cmtem is loosely on board with this idea. She isn't a huge fan, but she is gonna allow it....so far.

3) Learn to play guitar. I always thought that one of my biggest childhood regrets was not learning to play an instrument. I have no clue how to do it. I can't read music, I don't know what pitch is, or key or other music words. I am severely deficient in this realm of knowledge. At the end of the day though I don't see myself doing anything about that. I know that every good boy does fine and FACE, that is my music knowledge and it will stay that way I think. The other big regret is quitting karate. I didn't have time for that shit back in the day, but I should have kept doing it. It keeps you mad flexible and it wouldn't hurt to be able to kick things harder. Say a dresser, sometimes those need kicked.

4) Skydive. Just kidding. Fuck skydiving.


Chick's Hoops

The Baylor girls apparently lost. I bet 90% of the brackets had them winning. If Freak was around he would tell us about it.


Boy's Hoops

Florida Gulf Coast guy didn't take long to move on to bigger and better things. He is going to USC. His wife is above average looking...I bet you read or heard that somewhere. He is a millionaire apparently. Although he throws a "not so fast my friend" at that talk.

NFL

QB Scramble continues. Colt McCoy to the Niners. He is probably happy he is going to a winner, but he is still the backup. I think he could be a serviceable starter in the league. I guess he won't really get a fair shake. He did OK for the Browns when he played considering he had no receivers and no running back.

I have no idea where Geno Smith ends up now. I think Buffalo still needs a QB even though they signed one or two. Philly is a possibility, but I doubt. Jacksonville is probably the bet now? I am not sure.

Baseball

Too many games are played when it is less than 45 degrees out. Baseball is not meant to be played in April. At least not in the north. They should figure that crap out. It is too cold for that shit.


OK I am done.

Monday, April 01, 2013

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino