Thursday, January 31, 2013

Too blessed to be stressed!

That was for you, keef.

Way too much Ray Lewis talk and not nearly enough Harbaugh coverage for my liking this week. I'd rather hear all about the Harbaugh brothers for the rest of the week than anything else about Ray Lewis. Side note...Donald Driver announced he is retiring.

GO PACK GO!!! /mize

Planet of the Apes

Super Bowl Sunday + having Monday off = suite

I'm taking a hiatus from booze for a little while after Sunday. Its a weight loss thing...I figure once I lose around 20lbs I'll be back on the wagon...or off the wagon.

GO!

Wednesday, January 30, 2013

i'm clueless

I have no idea what's going on today

one thing I do know is that the ravens are awful smug for a lucky ass team

i just can't get firrd* up for this year's big game

NBA action is FAAAAAAAAAAAn tastic

i can buy tickets for $1 to tonights game against the Rockets.

xgames is something

I have 0 motivation today

the new carpet is great, very soft

federal taxes have been filed, no waiting on that crap for me.

i think i'm getting like 1200 back, but i'll have to pay state of about 1000, so comes out basically even.

what's everyone's best superbowl™ snack food. post your favorite recipe in the comments section below, and the one that I deem the best will receive a prize.



Tuesday, January 29, 2013

Whatever

TCS

It looked like El Pad and Keith were the only ones to tell me what post to grade. So they make the finals. Tell me by next tuesday who won. I don't care anymore.


Other stuff

Dude in the office quit smoking by getting hypnotized. ns

tem prediction: Rashad Evans will fight Silva next for the UFC Middleweight title.

WVU hoops is so fucking bad.

I have golden handcuffs at work. Fuck.




Monday, January 28, 2013

Monday

O:FB again, came for Rondo this time

Suite UFC action this past Saturday
Standing elbows, hate Wiman so this was good

EP's favorite fighter Koch got his face busted open

Liver kick by Showtime

Sequel to the showtime kick, the Showtime knee

Card this Saturday looks awesome too, Overeem is back

dat ass

Holy Shit

Friday, January 25, 2013

I still like house music. Why?

Cafe Patron with dark rum and milk.  Killer night time cocktail.  Trust me.

Doc Rivers is a good coach.

Lots of college basketball on lately.  What's up with that.

I happen to like that SNL skit What's Up With That.

Revis talk is so annoying.  Two acrimonious contract negotiations and now coming off an ACL (AP might have made this worse by accident) he is in the GM's crosshairs.  Trading his ass isn't necessarily the answer.  Why are the JETS a circus CONSTANTLY?

Every year with the chicken wing shortage around Super Bowl.  It's like the AP just recycles the news story from the year before.  Reminds me of the gas shortage talk around summer time.

Took longer than 5 minutes but Jeff Fisher hired Rob Ryan.  That team was good on defense last year I wonder if we'll ever see a Ryan/Ryan Super Bowl.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

I really think the no sex often for married men is bullshit.  It needs to stop.

You know what a Harbaugh/Harbaugh Super Bowl means for next year right?  That's right a Manning/Manning Super Bowl!  AND IT'S IN NY/NJ.  Makes you all want to puke just thinking of that right.

I can't believe people watch network TV shows.  So much quality stuff on cable how do you find the time to watch Modern Family or How I Met Your Mother. 

I'm not just saying this to say it but my son is fucking bonkers.  I think he has sleep apnea too,  WE ARE DONE.

I like eggs.

Just found out my BIG boss has a Yankee shrine in his basement.  What a dick.

Project X is great.  GREAT.

DONT YOU WORRY DONT YOU WORRY CHILLLLLDDD.

Finally realized that with kids and both of us working and shit that the house will always be upside down until they are old enough to pick up after themselves correctly.  And it's totally fine.

Thursday, January 24, 2013

yo yo ma!

This is another way to go about a temgagement.

Three day work week again this week. We are heading to Oklahoma this weekend for cmjug's grandmother's 95th birthday. That's a lot of birthdays.

New phone yesterday...no more cracked screen...until I drop this one.

I don't have anything else to say this morning...GO!

Wednesday, January 23, 2013

your sex takes me to paradise

Cherokee Nation Government solutions is interested in me according to an email that I got from a recruiter.

bgblue got into some charter school thing near our house. She's gonna go to all day kindergarden and shit costs like $450/month. That's a lot of cheese to teach a kid how to tie their shoes, and take naps. Luckily its just for one year. I guess blue can't buy his bentley this summer.

I think it's funny that the Raiders feel like their coach sabotaged their chances in the SuperBowl™ all those years ago. Maybe they should have said something, you know, before now.

SuperBowl™ preview...one of the teams will have a turnover, and the other team will score points off of it.

Kevin Johnson, who is the mayor of Sacramento where I grew up and my parents live, is a joke. He's spending more time trying to figure out how to keep an NBA team there than he is running his city. Now honestly I don't know what a mayor really does in their free time, but hitching your wagon to keeping a shitty team that nobody really cares about, maybe worry about cleaning up the schools and parks or something. He has "secured 20 investors who have pledged at least $1mm each to be part of the ownership group"...great, they only need another 510 investors...way to go.

here's a hint, if you're an indian woman (dot not feather) maybe don't ride the bus after dark.

Also beware of people stealing your photos from facebook and using them in an elaborate "catfish" scheme.

That's it...no more. TCS has begun...whatta gotta

Tuesday, January 22, 2013

TCS Round 2

TCS Round 2:


TCS this round will last all week. You get scored on 1 post only and you get to pick which post I score for you. You only get one post and you can choose after the fact, just let me know before midnight EST on the 28th which post you choose. Obviously Friday's post will have the most comments and most people will choose that one. That is fine. We have 6 competitors and much like reality shows now 3 advance to the finals. Choose your post wisely. (FYI people in this round are: Meiz, H, Keith, Blue, Kod, El Pad)

Scoring will be as such:

2 points for your comment generating a "too soon" from the audience.
2 points for new
2 points for old
-2 points for a failed new or old. Multiple failures is multiple point deductions
5 points for causing a slapper. I determine if it is a slapper or not.
2 points for a comment that makes me LOL (as H would say)


You receive points for writing a joke containing any of the following things. You get 1 joke and you get 1 point for each thing you incorporate:

Te'o
Harbaugh Brothers
Bar
El Pad
Beth
Orange peel
Mike Tyson
White rappers
Hurricane Katrina
NYC
Polar Bears
Donut shop


2 points for SPARTA
4 points for REV
5 points if you successfully start a new "era"
2 points for a comment that generates a "woe" response
1 point for a comment over 50 words (not counting cnp words)
-15 points if you complain about TCS



Please note that a nekkid picture of Beth does not create a winner anymore. I am pretty convinced that she is just Jug and I don't want to see Jug nekkid.



NON TCS STUFF

Maybe the Lakers should start Gasol and bring Howard off the bench. NS

I know Howard would cry too much and be even more useless than he is now so it would never work. NS

I watched 30 seconds of hockey while I was flipping through the channels. It made me angry. I felt bad and dirty and ashamed. It shall not happen again. Fuck hockey.

This is the last year for the Pro Bowl right?? Thank goodness. I am sick of every player getting asked to play. I think they have gone through like 7 QBS in the AFC.

Monday, January 21, 2013

MLK Day

Falcons finally couldn't pull a game out of their ass, donut second half


O:FB is alive and well, donut second half also, wasn't expecting it this week though. Do you want to live in a world where Flacco is a Super Bowl champ and actually contributed?

Bernard Pollard is incredible, stays trolling the Patriots

Hope the 49ers win, and this is why:
Is this motherfucker serious?

First time since I started working that I get MLK Day off, suite.

In honor, a favorite scene:

dat ass

Oh yea, Bisping got fucked up and will miss out on a title shot, again, just like every time he faces anyone good

Friday, January 18, 2013

I have yet to begun to defile myself

A little surprised at the lines for these games.  Niners a road favorite, they must be thinking what I'm thinking.   And Ravens getting 8 is when will Vegas learn.  They god damn beat New England last year.  Stupid kickers.  Stupid Lee Evans.  Probably going to get a good Sunday of games just like last year.  I'm watching Tombstone as a I type this. Will never understand why Doc Holliday (Val Kilmer) didn't win some sort of acting award for this movie.  He was superb.  Know damn near every line in of his in this film.

Niners -4 over FALCONS
Not gonna lie.  Totally think the Niners will give the Falcons the business Sunday.  Not giving ATL much of a chance.  Might backfire.  Team totally has the chip on the shoulder thing going for them and they are home where they are mighty comfortable.  Pretty good offense.  Just something about this Niner team  They feel like they should have beaten NY last year, they have a nasty offensive line and a nasty defensive line.  Trenches.  Some say the game is won there.  This fucking Kapernick.  Either he is two stupid to kind of realize what he's done or what is at stake which prevents him from being nervous or scared avoiding typical rookie like mistakes or he is that damn good.  We'll see.

Ravens +8 over PATS
Unreal offense when you think about it.  We clown Brady because we hate him but this guy is pretty magnificent.  The stats are all out there.  Belichik or not this guy quarterbacks with the best of them.  Ever.  But the Ravens play New England well.  Always have.  I see no difference here.  I'm pretty surprised this is high.  The Ray Lewis thing.  The fact that this team was there last year, almost beat them the fact that Flacco isw playing really well and the fact that they can stretch the field and fucking Ray Rice.  I like Baltimore's chances to not only cover but to win.  I really do.

I wouldn't hate a Harbaugh Super Bowl.  Not at all. 

Thursday, January 17, 2013

Idol and stuff...

I left work just as that Manti Te'o story started to break and I didn't listen to any news after leaving work, so I'm hearing some of the details this morning. My initial thought was it was very similar to the Mize/Deluxe thing, but on a much larger scale. The similarities are there, fake twitter account for her, fake fantasy teams for Deluxe. I just wish Chris Farley was still alive so he could ask Manti this. Maybe Manti was using this site.

I watched American Idol last night and so far it seemed more about the judges than the contestants. Randy Jackson is still Randy Jackson and I think about this when I hear his name. Keith Urban adds pretty much nothing to the show (NS), but that's pretty typical for guys named Keith (S). I'm also not buying the tension between Mariah Carey and Nikki Ménage*. Ménage* looks like a clown. If they are going to switch up the judges evey year, I think I'm for that. If they wanted to add a country singer to the panel, they should have went after Brad Paisley. Maybe they did, I don't know. They had the tryouts in NYC. It seemed like most of the singers thought they were the best, but they really weren't.

I knew that a long time ago! /women everywhere

After seeing this, I have no problem with the blood bank calling me asking for donations.

Today is my Friday...4 day weekend. Suite! Thanks MLK!

Go!

Wednesday, January 16, 2013

The Agony of these feet

Fuck the broncos. Just tackle Jacoby Jones in bounds instead of trying to knock down the pass, and the clock runs way down. maybe baltimore gets 2 shots into the Endzone...

I got to wondering out loud the last few days. Why is it that people (fans) are so emotionally involved in sports. We take great pleasure and pride in victories, and suffer such agony and dispair in losses. This was a gut wrenching loss. I heard from people who were physically sick after the game. They couldn't sleep, they just kept playing the game over and over in their minds. Why is that? I don't understand it at all. No other part of our lives (aside from real personal relationships) do we get so wrapped up in. Maybe we do and i'm just not sure. The only thing I can even remotely relate it to is death, like the Sandy Hook shooting or the Aurora Theater shooting. I remember being heartbroken in the same way, but football/sports, is just a game. Nobody loses their life, there is nothing to be heartbroken about. The truth of the matter is that had the Broncos won the SuperBowl™ this year, I would have been ecstatic, but nothing in my life would have changed. It wouldn't have had a profound impact on me as a person. Just like this loss, while gut-wrenching, it doesn't change the fact that I still get up everyday and go to work with the same people doing the same job.

Deep thoughts by Blue Handy

On to the lighter side of things...Broncos fired their DB coach...he had to see this coming right?

I watched the golden globes, and I have no idea about half the TV shows, but I want to see all the movies nominated except for Les Miserables. I saw that shit already with claire danes and liam neeson, i can't imagine the story has changed much.
The only argument I had about who won any awards was for best supporting actor in a TV show. Went to Ed Harris, who rocks, but nobody's ever seen that Game Change show, Max Greenfielf (Schmitt), from New Girl, should have won that award walking away.

I'm done with week 5 NCAA. Gotta keep the skillz fresh.

Tuesday, January 15, 2013

TCS Round 1 - Quiz

Round 1 of TCS....self scored quiz.


1) When is tem's birthday?

2) What does cmtem do?

3) What is tem's favorite NFL team?

4) What city does tem work in?

5) What is the name of the lazy guy in the Dilbert comic strips?

6) What is the name of the oldest son on Family Guy?

7) What movie did I just watch that had the chick from 2 Broke Girls as a minor character?

8) What is the most common name at my office?

9) Name the summit locations

10) Who made the first LOV post?

11) Name females who posted/commented on this blog

12) What show does Drew Carey host now?

13) What happens on Jeopardy if two people tie for the win?

14) What does tem call the automatic teller machines at banks?

15) What is the most common last name at tem's work?


answers are on my blog . report your score in the comment section before 7am EST tomorrow or the next post goes up, whichever is later. top 6 competitors advance to round 2. if you tie then more than 6 can go.



Non TCS Stuff


1) Is hockey really having like a week long training camp and then going to start the season? wft? Maybe you should practice a little longer than 1 week.

2) FYI shopping for a Grandfather clock is apparently a high pressure sales situation. Cmtem and I stopped into a store that was moving locations and had a big sale on Sunday and good lord were we bombarded. They even called us less than 3 hours later to see if we had made up our mind....FYI we aren't getting a clock and we might have to change cmtem's phone number.

3) Taking a knee was still dumb Denver

4) I've been sleeping very soundly lately. Only a little over 8 hours a night though.

5) Should I watch Taken 2 at work? I need to buy it.













Monday, January 14, 2013

Monday

Running diary of the Globes:

That safety Moore went full retard
Blue's reaction after that play:

But WFT was John Fox doing? Why was he sabotaging the Broncos? Does he love Tebow and that was his payback to Elway???
My reaction when Pey-Pey kneeled with 2 TO's left at the end of regulation:

Wonder if Peyton broke his TV watching the Falcons and Texans get a FG attempt in the same amount of time.

That was a very 2012 Falcons-esque win, damn, Matt Ryan's nickname spinoffs may come to an end one day, but I think 49ers win next weekend, then Pats beat them in the Super Bowl NS.

Did Lance Armstrong's ride or die bitch Freak kill himself or is he waiting until after the Oprah interview? Beth is a Lance lover but said she wouldn't be surprised if he cheated, Freak was so adamant and condesce- freakish about it. He got 1 nut teabagged.

Dat Ass(es)

Dem Tits

This Lakers season:

Fucking Pau, fucking Dantonio*

Friday, January 11, 2013

Expert PICKS

Ravens + 9.5 over BRONCOS
Knowing the Broncos ended all hot and shit they haven't won a damn thing yet in the playoffs.  Ravens just sent home #CHUCKSTRONG man.  That shit had legs.  The Broncos will probably advance but I sense it will be a close game.  Denver was solid against the run this year so in addition to running the ball I would expect the offense of Baltimore includes passes out of the backfield.  Rice needs 30 touches in this game.  If Torrey Smith can't go they will be really limited in how they attack the Broncos defense.  Because they will need to keep up.  Peyton can throw it on these guys, Kruger needs another monster game he is the only pass rush threat.  Suggs is not recovered.  How much will the cold effect Manning?  0-3 in playoff games in 30 degrees or less (all on the road).

NINERS -3.5 over Packers
I think the Packers are in for it here.  Rodgers was sacked 53 times this year.  Either the most or close to it.  Niners can rush the passer pretty well.  Niners can run the ball pretty well.  Niners QB even runs.  Packers haven't beaten a good team all year.  Look at their wins.  The Vikings were a gift last week.  A miracle they even got in.  They own the Bears if you want to count them as a good team ok.  I don't.  Outside of Bears they've beaten Jax, Minny, Titans, Detroit, Arizona. They give up on average 121 on the ground.  I'm telling ya the Packers are in for it here.  Niners big.

Seattle +2.5 over ATLANTA
Gonna ride this Pete Carroll train all the way to N'awlins cuz it FEELS SO GOOOD!   So good so good!  Could be this years "hot when it matters teams".  People say if RGIII stayed healthy that game was Skins all the way.  Those hot when matters teams catch breaks all the time.  Ask Kyle Williams.  Ask Jerome Bettis.  Ask Tom Brady or Charles Woodson.

Houston +9.5 over PATS
I know as a head coach we learned Wade Phillips is really dumb.  But as a defensive coordinator I think, sort of like Norv, he's really good at that.  They should stick to coordinating defense and offense, respectively.  For this one I don't think we'll get a repeat of that shellacking a few Monday nights ago.  I think Wade will actually have written down like a plan that he will employ sometime this week in order to slow Chip Kelly um I mean Josh McDaniel's offense down.  Brady wants to release that ball quicker than Doc Holliday gets a round off and if he can't he gets all mad and shit and throws picks.  Texans need for him to do that.



Thursday, January 10, 2013

Thoughts...

NFL Playoff thoughts...I'm going for SF and Seattle in the NFC and Houston and Denver in the AFC this weekend. I think Houston will get rolled in NE though...maybe not as bad as last time...but I just don't see them putting together a complete game against NE in NE. Kubiak doesn't have it in him. The feeling in Houston, both fans and sports talk, is that the Texans don't have much of a shot. Maybe I will go for NE in that game. Those Texans fans were pretty obnoxious this season. Side note...I do wonder if it would have been better for Seattle to stay out East this week instead of flying back home, and then to Atlanta. I do know that I'm not the coach...so there is that.

Baseball HoF thoughts...settle down media. It's not a big deal that no one got in this year...let this thing play out. This isn't the first time we've had a year that no one was elected to the hall. Who cares if certain guys didn't get in on the first ballot? The further we are removed from the whole "steroid era" the more votes these guys will get, and I think that most of the players that deserve to be in will make it in. I thought this was a pretty good article about the hall vote vote.

RGIII thought...I think the field conditions last weekend was worst* than the decision to play or not. With all the money the Redskins make, that is the field you've got your guys on for the playoffs?

Another RGIII thought...if he keeps running and taking hits like a running back, his career will be much like Vick's...but hopefully without the dog fighting suspension and prison term.

People's Choice Awards thought...the People's Choice Awards were on, and this people* chose not to watch.

Go!

Wednesday, January 09, 2013

United in Orange

That's the slogan this week. Whatever the fuck that means. Maybe we're going to have an Orange Out at the stadium on Saturday. They're having a fucking pep rally Friday at the stadium.

Call me reverse jinxer or whatever, but i've got a very uneasy feeling about this game, for whatever reason. I just see a distinct possibility of a couple of turnovers and a few big Ray Rice runs and this thing is a tight game.

Ms AJ McCarron is now the hottest thing on the planet. Gained like 200k twitter followers in 2 days. When you're an aspiring model, probably not a bad thing to have a big following.

RGIII should call Brandon Marshall and see how much he trust's Shanny and his "doctor's" advise.

Nick Saban is happy in Tuscaloosa. Well of course he is. I don't imagine him every leaving such a suite gig. Which probably means he's taking the Bears job.

"Nash hits milestone, talks woe". HA! fucking woe.

Lakers are a mess. I wouldn't be surprised if Kobe rapes another chick this season, just to get the stink off of the team.

Bill Cowher wants to eventually get back into the NFL. I doubt that happens. Much like Madden figured out, the TV gig is suite, and truth is, the game has passed cowher by. I never thought the Chin was that great of a coach to begin with.

Hockey is back. I think they should let the fans in free for the first month, only way to get some popularity and momementum back for that "sport".

McDonald's breakfast burritos are not great. That's one place where they need some help. whatta gotta green chili? Shit could be dope, beast should take notice. And i don't give a shit what it's made of, everytime the McRib comes around, i'm getting one, or 7.



Tuesday, January 08, 2013

Pull the plug already it is the humane thing to do

Spiff
I think it took 2 weeks for Spiff to be beaten by the posting monster. It is rough. Shit tears you down. Now you post shit like the rest of us. Welcome to the club.


Hockey
Seriously, I think this sport might be less popular than soccer now. Holy Shit. The people who run that game should be ashamed. And speaking of ashamed.


Media
The media should be ashamed of themselves. Take for instance this grade school shooting. If I ask 4 people what happened I will get at least 3 different stories. All because the media rushed to publish information and most of what they said was wrong. It went from being a kid shooting up his mom's classroom and he just walked into the school because everyone knew him to the school having no idea who the kid or the mom was and the kid shot his way into the school in 3 days. Those two versions couldn't be different from each other, but each got reported. These fuckers in the media need to slow down and check some sources. I think media members might be worse than lawyers at this point. And I hate fucking lawyers (except for Kod, who seems to be the only lawyer I have ever met (if this blog counts as meeting) that can see two sides of a story and has some morals).


Back to Hockey
So these fuckers who run hockey think that a lockout is a normal tool to use in negotiations. Revenues are down? I wonder why. Dumbasses. And why in the world does the season need to be so long???? The Stanley Cup ends and then like 6 weeks later training camp begins. They must have missed the memo about offseasons being good for business. Give us some time to build up some excitement for the new season. Hell even a porno throws some filler in between scenes. Not hockey. They just go right from scene to scene.


Movie Idea
Earth gets invaded by aliens who deem the people of earth to be stupid. So they let one really smart guy sacrifice his intelligence (and is made retarded) to make everyone else smarter. So now earth is a bunch of smart people who basically owe everything to the one retarded person on the planet. Hilarity ensues. Or Drama ensues. Take your pick Hollywood.


TV Show Idea
Me yelling at commercials. Good lord are they terrible. They all have glaring errors and most don't make sense. On second thought they tried this show already. It was called Shit My Dad says or something like that. Fucking TV.


NCAA
Keith almost beat me. I had a garbage time TD to go up 10. First game was closer, but he quit when it was tied. Nah, I am sure he didn't quit. EA is just a piece of crap and I swear half the time you play a person it doesn't work right. If my RB stays healthy he might have a Heisman type of year. The offense will run through him for sure.


Work
Work sucks. Lots of new responsibilities with no authority. At least the pay is good. The lack of authority is mind bottling though. I am supposed to make sure all the bills get paid, but don't have any ability to stop people from spending money. So I sit here and say, umm we are $4M in the hole this month and can't stop people from signing us up for millions of more expenditures. Fucking work. Woe.


ND Edit Rant
More fucking media shit....1 week ago this game was the dream match up that everyone wanted. Then the game doesn't turn out to be good because ND didn't show up(sometimes happens with 30+ days off between games) and all of a sudden all of these people are writing ND shouldn't have been there in the first place articles. Bullshit. 1) they should have been there. 2) fucking flip flopping media. 20-20 hindsight is the bestest*. The media was all over NDs ballsack last week with some people picking them to win. Now theses same people are saying ND shouldn't have been in the game in the first place. Balderdash!

I hate the media. Political media is worst, then sports, then the other people are mashed in there.

Also, does any other sport take 30+ days off before it plays its championship game? I think my favorite part about the new playoff system is that the title game teams will have less rust. Well at least non-Alabama teams. I guess Alabama doesn't get rusty. They have rustoleum or whatever sprayed on them.

Now comes the media parts that say Alabama would win the AFC North or some shit like that. Again, no fucking way. Alabama would get beat by the Aizona Cardinals. Badly.

Monday, January 07, 2013

Brutal

Let us remember him as he was:

RIP Redskins

Sunday, January 06, 2013

sorry had the flu

Bengals +4.5 was the pick,  Loser.

Pack -11 was the pick, Winner.

Today, Baltimore -7 over Colts

Nice story Colts but the injuries the rookies starting all over the place catches up to you right here.

Seattle -3 over Skins

They get Browner back Russell is healthy RgIII is not.  Seattle is playing just as well as Washington.  Lynch/Morris wash.  Better defense belongs to the Seahawks.  They have travelled three times to East Coast this year.  Winning them all.

Thursday, January 03, 2013

My niece would have posted earlier...

I'm not working this week, so I slept in and sort of forgot about posting until now.

Wednesday, January 02, 2013

fuck work

having like 9 of the last 14 days off makes it tought to come back to work

but i'm here


and that's all you get because the year end extravaganza has begun

Tuesday, January 01, 2013

happy new year

It is a new year. I don't want to set the bar too high for posting.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino