Friday, May 17, 2013

Our Father, Art, who is up in Heaven. Aloe Vera be thy name. The thigh...

Fucking R&B growing up was so gangsta.  Fucking Jodeci made panties wet.  Made it easy for a dork like me to make out with bitches.

Instead of using Triple sec for your Margaritas try motherfucking Grand Mariner.  You can also sip it so it has two uses, it makes for a lovely after dinner cordial.  Your welcome.

Every job I erve had I got moved up.  Promoted to head bartender been working like a beast.  Basically three spots away from Matre'd which is most peoples careers.  BEAST

My first job I was a busboy, then waiter within 3 weeks cuz I was beasting as a bus boy. 
Then Publix, went from bagger to overnight supervisor.
Then Walgreens, went from stock kid and register person to Shift Supervisor.
Then Rite-Aid same deal.  Add in asst. maanger shittin on shift supervisors faces.
Then my first street job was an entry level clerk for 4 months, promoted then handed the biggest region we supported. (Northeast duh)
Then got a job supporting the Ops manager at a branch after my company merged (Pru/Wachovia) which was a position that was unheard of for like a 24 year old.  I was slapping brokers in the face.
Now here, promoted three seperate times.

I just crush work.  Fucking love this country. USA USA USA!

Been ordering my shirts from London.  Like a BOSS. 
CHARLES TYRWHITT a master British tailor.
CTSHIRTS.COM playa.  Slim fit, button cuff, classic collar.  Fux wit me.

Fairway is my spot in Red Hook best market in town.  They only sell Prime beef and when they put it on sale I load up.  Eating like a god damn king at home.

God my life is awesome. 

I'm awesome.

If only I could get my wife to buy into the I'm awesome thing. 

120 comments:

Oh snap said...

3 spots away from maitre D is hilarity.

I'm 3 spots away from being our office director.

H Want Portugese Style said...

This post is brought to you by an unchecked ego...

ToddPacker said...

Knicks

Jugdish said...

I'm 3 spots away from being our office director.


im 3 spots away from being group commander

Jugdish said...

the cool thing about Lp being a waiter is he has to serve women sometimes

Vice Presidente said...

im 3 spots away from being group commander

congrats

Vice Presidente said...

I'm 3 spots away from being our office director.

good luck, hard work pays off

Vice Presidente said...

"the cool thing about Lp being a waiter is he has to serve women sometimes"

lp loves the bitches

they sit i stand over them = TITTIES

Vice Presidente said...

bathroom attendant
dishwashers
cooks
chef
bus boys
waiters
head waiter
bartenders
head bartender
captain
matre'd

Vice Presidente said...

Knicks

glad i'm working sat night, not feeling good about game 6

Jugdish said...

i can't be group commander though, im not an officer

Jugdish said...

glad i'm working sat night, not feeling good about game 6



xnij

Vice Presidente said...

they should give Gronk a robotic arm

Vice Presidente said...

Just a day after NBA owners officially rejected a bid to relocate the Sacramento Kings to Seattle, the team's owners have agreed to sell the Kings to a Sacramento-based group, sources told ESPN.com.

:(

Seattle deserved the Kings

Vice Presidente said...

the guy who bought that share of the kings is a god damn genius

BLUE said...

"Seattle deserved the Kings"

bucks will move to seattle now

BLUE said...

I'm 3 spots away from chairman of the board of directors...I guess

there aren't 3 spots to move up for me

Vice Presidente said...

KING BLUE!

Jugdish said...

Lp

Vice Presidente said...

god bless this country

BLUE said...

good thing you're not a woman, can't move up in a company like that

Vice Presidente said...

unless you suck cock like elizabeth

BLUE said...

bethanny?

Vice Presidente said...

tits mcgee

BLUE said...

jug?

Jugdish said...

wall

BLUE said...

just got a sales document from a prospective vendor.

they had a ton of their/there errors in it



Oh snap said...

Samoa Air is the first airline to charge passengers according to how much they weigh.

tem said...

"bartenders
head bartender
captain
matre'd"

wtf is captain?

and why is head waiter below regular bartender?

BLUE said...

don't question his authoritative rankings

BLUE said...

VP of marketing is like the same as staff accountant


tem said...

"just got a sales document from a prospective vendor."

sometimes i think salesmen are worst* than politicians and lawyers combined.

Oh snap said...

wtf is captain?



THE CAPTAIN!

/zeke

Jugdish said...

this is cool

Jugdish said...

that rep on the front page of foxnews looks like frank drebin

Jugdish said...

kod

Jugdish said...

Scientists study violent winds of Uranus

BLUE said...

kod died

BLUE said...

maybe kod was beth

Oh snap said...

maybe mize was all of them

Jugdish said...

rip mize

Jugdish said...

Sadderday

Jugdish said...

keef kilt mize, or just really hurt his feelings

Oh snap said...

first mizetombo died. Then Andy died. Then zeke died. Then freak died. Then beth died. Then kod died. Then mize died.

Oh snap said...

maybe mize is driving to AZ to punch me in the face for calling him a bitch

Jugdish said...

he might be reinventing his character into another name

Jugdish said...

mEEz

BLUE said...

you forgot deluxe

Jugdish said...

he is meiztrating this week

BLUE said...

"maybe mize is driving to AZ to punch me in the face for calling him a bitch"

it's comments like this that make me think you never want to see him again

Oh snap said...

I knew I was forgetting a big name

Oh snap said...

wall

tem said...

"maybe mize is driving to AZ to punch me in the face for calling him a bitch"

only if he is also posting tons on facebook while he drives.

H Want Portugese Style said...

I can't stop staring at this 18 yr old's massive, perky tits. I feel like EP...

Vice Presidente said...

"wtf is captain?

and why is head waiter below regular bartender?"

because bartenders > waiters?

common knowledge

captain is like hands on supervisory over service staff, matre'd oversees it all

Vice Presidente said...

"I can't stop staring at this 18 yr old's massive, perky tits. I feel like EP..."

sounds normal to me

pic please

tem said...

it still seems like head waiter would be higher up on the ladder than bartender.


Oh snap said...

only if he is also posting tons on facebook while he drives.



I didn't see any posts from him. I just looked and he unfriended me. That's cute.

Jugdish said...

captain is like hands on supervisory over service staff, matre'd oversees it all



do you have to salute the captain?

tem said...

you really made him mad.

i better work on my tribute post.

Jugdish said...

he blocks deluxe only to unblock him later...keef is just grounded

Jugdish said...

that is funny though

Oh snap said...

It's fucking hilarity. he's being such a girl about this.

Jugdish said...

especially for a pic that you can't even tell what it is

H Want Portugese Style said...

Facebook pet peeve. My friend posts at least 5-6 statuses like this one a day

"I gassed up the truck, cleaned it & went to Newbury Comics. I bought Jared & Brian a Red Sox Twister Game & another Magic 8-Ball. I found Goonie magnets & Brian wants dinosaurs. I have cd's & their players next week & we'll wrap them up. I'm thinking of a baseball cake for them both next Friday, party starts at 6pm. Buying the Advil now I see we'll be needing some with all the kids at the house lol."

H Want Portugese Style said...

Woman, no one needs to know every detail of your day!

H Want Portugese Style said...

"I didn't see any posts from him. I just looked and he unfriended me. That's cute."

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

That's hilarity. He really showed you!

H Want Portugese Style said...

He probably unfriended you as a pre-emptive move if you decided to post the picture to his wall or something

Oh snap said...

He really showed you!




Sadderday. :-(

Oh snap said...

Or as cmk would put, )-=

Jugdish said...

did he cut you off from twitter too?

Vice Presidente said...

call him

Oh snap said...

I haven't been on twitter in ages

Oh snap said...

call him



I'm not really that concerned

tem said...

cmk does faces backwards too?

Oh snap said...

cmk does faces backwards too?



yes

Jugdish said...

she thinks keef's faces are backwards

H Want Portugese Style said...

Pick up from the airport, drive 11 miles, wait 1 1/2, drive them back to the airport. Jesuit checking out the daughter's goods. Get to the airport and mom tips me $100 cash. I'd say that's an ideal job.

Jugdish said...

suite

Oh snap said...

suite and a little creepy

tem said...

i'd say the idea job is whoever got to check out the daughter's goods.

Jugdish said...

Jackson's words to Jordan after he showed up in the coach's office in 1995 hoping to return to basketball after a failed attempt at a baseball career: "Well, I think we've got a uniform here that might fit you."

Oh snap said...

then he busted a nut

/LP

Jugdish said...

ha

Oh snap said...

The bacon smell smelled so much of bacon, that now, the bacon must go.
A San Francisco bacon restaurant -- called Bacon Bacon -- must shut its doors after neighbors' complaints about the smell of bacon revealed a fatal permitting issue, according to the San Francisco Examiner.
Bacon Bacon, at 250A Frederick Street, will close its doors at the end of service Friday after its owner "failed" to negotiate with neighbors who took offense to the pork restaurant's smell.



Jugdish said...

wussbags

Jugdish said...

if i lived there i would unlike them on facebook


BOOM!

/mize

Oh snap said...

hahahahahahaa

Jugdish said...

wall

Oh snap said...

I've been God blessed 4 times today. Gonna be a good day, tater

Jugdish said...

too much sneezing

Oh snap said...

I think he heard about my FB quandry w/ mize

H Want Portugese Style said...

I don't know where the word Jesuit came from I'm my last post. It was supposed to read "I kept checking out the daughter's goods. "

Oh snap said...

I figured the mom was pimping out her daughter to a jesuit

H Want Portugese Style said...

Daughter was definitely a dime.

tem said...

There are girls like that everywhere.

Oh snap said...

::unfriend::


/mize

H Want Portugese Style said...

Ha!

BLUE said...

I like the unfriend era

Oh snap said...

wall

Jugdish said...

wall

Oh snap said...

I'm going camping in 5 hours. You guys play NCAA

Oh snap said...

pretty cool

Jugdish said...

keeffast

tem said...

Keef doesn't try anymore....

H Want Portugese Style said...

After all the shit we've talked, insults we've thrown and inappropriate comments we've made, "you're a bitch" was what drive Meiz away? Redonk.

tem said...

I'm very confused by meiz....I guess he wanted a reason to quit?

Jugdish said...

That's what I was thinking.

Jugdish said...

He hates the b word like chicks hate the c word

tem said...

Dunham got robbed. ...don't be a non brazillian in a UFC decision in Brazil.

ToddPacker said...

Indiana sucks cock

ToddPacker said...

I'm drunk

tem said...

I'm SAS that the NBA wanted Pacers Heat....whatta gotta foul calls for Knicks?

Oh snap said...

Keef doesn't try anymore....




I got mize outta here, didn't I?


S

Oh snap said...

Aja, if I linkt something that was a YouTube link, I do t look at those because it's blockt at work

BLUE said...

Quit being a bitch Keith

Jugdish said...

nice work spiff

Oh snap said...

That's it, blue. We're not FB friends anymore

Jugdish said...

I got mize outta here, didn't I?


i think that was all the bully confidence you gained from the stelio name

Oh snap said...

El Tardo was on Tosh last week. And he pronounced Domnique as "Dominick"

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