Thursday, February 28, 2013


Good job, Mize

I like the Alex Smiff* move for the Chefs*.

This is kind of a dead time in sports, hurry up March Madness!

Dennis Rodman visiting North Korea can only help the US, right? Sure!

Tomorrow is supposed to be the big deadline for the 85 billion budget cuts. Its all a bunch of hype, I get that. What bugs me is 85 million is roughly 2% of the federal budget, yet if they furlough federal employees they will take at least 20% of our salary. What bugs me is Congress and the other officials won't be furloughed and have their pay cut because, according to Pelosi, "I think it’s necessary for us to have the dignity of the job that we have rewarded." I get that this budget thing is mostly hype, but that mindset really bothers me and I have zero faith that the governent knows how to manage money.

End rant...GO!

Wednesday, February 27, 2013


Barbers, stylists, salons, haircut places...they all suck

Forced conversation with someone you don't know, and probably don't care to know. You know the conversation that goes something like this: "do you have any plans for the weekend?" "no, not really", "wow, how about that weather out there", "yeah, it's crazy". My pet peeve is the weekend question. I always answer by saying "besides getting a haircut?, because that's kind of what I build my weekend around" Sometimes they laugh, sometimes they get all butt-hurt. Either way, they all suck. Half the time they reek of cigarettes, just cut my hair and let me go home. OH, and anyone who pays more than $20 for a haircut is either gay or an idiot. You would think that a "stylist" who spends all day talking to different people, would be a better conversationalist. When they ask about my weekend plans, i've always wanted to say, "well, i'm planning on meeting a guy to get some coke and a prostitute and really get the party started. Do you want in?" "i'm planning on going home and watching some internet porn because i'm a lonely guy". "Not much planned, are you busy tonight?"

Hey Keith-
Monica and Chandler's twins would be 9 now, Phoebe's triplets would be 14, and Ben would be 18 and Emma 11. Does that make you feel old?

my barber and I go way back, i love that guy and the scalp massage he gives me


UM beat Indiana, so does that mean that the Zags will move into the top spot next week? Kind of unbelievable.

Apparently there was a big fight between the pacers and the warriors that spilled into the stands...I haven't seen video, but i'm sure it sucks and the media is making it much worse than it really is.

Combine is over and we found out that the Honey Badger sucks. He might not even be taken until the 3rd round...well, at least his combine stats suck.
Does he get to have a pro-day at LSU?

Baseball is on its way.

Tuesday, February 26, 2013

Tuesday 2-26

So I did my coaching carousel thing, but I guess I didn't finish and now it says Blue is on the clock. I turned down a job and then went to just stay with WVU but now it says Blue has to turn down the Missouri job first. Dumb game.

Lakers not making the playoffs is an epic failure. EPIC. If they don't even make the playoffs they should just clean house. Keep Kobe but Nash = gone, Howard = gone, Gasol = gone. They need new karma.

Seriously 4.82, how did that happen? He can't be that slow. That is Division 3 speed. Not top 5 team in the nation speed.

Does Kristen Bell have a team? Can I join it? I am not completely off the Jlaw bandwagon and I am not back on the Nport wagon, but I am looking for a new wagon. I guess I'd prefer a chick that got naked in a movie though. Kknight would be a good bandwagon, but I don't think she is naked in any movies.....dilemma dilemma.

In other news Sally Field looks old. I think she is though, so it is OK.

Penguins players get bad concussions apparently. They either know exactly how to treat them or they have no idea.

I think it is funny that some UFC champ said he wasn't going to fight some guy....then Dana White basically said fight him or you ain't the champ any longer. So now he is gonna go ahead and fight that guy.

Burt Wonderstone looks like a movie that should have come out 4 years ago. It would seem to be not funny anymore. Maybe awhile back though.

TAVON AUSTIN is a quick dude. Probably will get broken though. He is small. He didn't really have injury issues at WVU, but still the NFL might hurt him. I hope not though because he is super fun to watch. If he performs like he did in college a Tavon Austin jersey might be in my future. I hope he doesn't go to a sucky team.

Alex Smith to the Raiders? Maybe. My sources are telling me they are a darkhorse candidate. KC is in the lead. AZ actually a distant third. Niners don't want to trade him within the division.

That's all I got for now.

Monday, February 25, 2013

GIF Heavy

Fuck Yo Phones:

Academy Awards Recap:

Team Portman baby!

Alright, alright, here's some J-Law sexiness for you:

This guy will never be a fan though:

He has a ton of pics with celebrities, must have gotten snubbed by her.

Life Savers Valentine's Mix is the best - Individually wrapped pineapple, cherry, and fruit punch:

Going through my 2 bags pretty quickly, should of* bought more.

Kobe heard you Mark Cuban:
First game after comments, Friday: 15/23 40-7-4
Yesterday against Mavs: 13/21 38-12-7 then...

Thanks Cuban!
Dirk after game - "They should have listened to Cuban and amnestied him this morning."

Granderson's broke his arm in his first at bat of Spring training, out until May, O:FNY:

Our(1/2 of us or so) girl EA got trolled by Fiddy:

Josh Brolin, you done fucked up:

So happy Koscheck got fucked up, look at his head bounce off the mat, beautiful:
Hope he gets cut like his boy Fitch

Dem tits

Bonus: Dat Minka

Dat Ass

So good, just hits that spot, had me in tears.

Suite animal GIFs:

WFT is this shit

Friday, February 22, 2013

Top 3

I bought home a bucket of chicken from KFC tonight.  It was not as good as I recall.  I don't eat fast food often, shit that was the first time I had KFC in at least a year.  It's not cuz I don't like fast food or frown upon on it.  I actually like it.  Love it really.  It's just I figure if I avoid that stuff I wont get fat.  Pretty simple.  I eat McDonalds the most, about 12-15 times a year I'd say.  Taco Bell is my shit, if it were close to me or not part of one of those shady half Taco Bell half KFC joints I'd eat it more.  My top 3 fast food fixes are Taco Bell, Popeyes and McDonalds.

Tacos are awesome.  Authentic tacos are awesome, fast food tacos are awesome.  Middle of the road tacos are awesome, truck tacos are awesome, home tacos are awesome even gummy candy tacos are awesome.

One thing I raise my nose up to is like we've talked about before fast food pizza.  Just don't get it.  I mean I get it, it's cheaper but to me the sacrifice in like taste isn't worth the few extra bucks I save compared to a mom and pop pie.

Tupac is not in my top 3 of favorite rappers.  Crazy talk I know.

Vanilla, Butter Pecan, Vanilla Chocolate Chip.


Gladiator, Casino, Goodfellas

I know Godfather is not in my top 3.  Because if it was ---- soooo original.  Blow me.  Of course The Godfather is great and of course I love it.  But it aint top 3 for me.  Fight me.  It's about 6th I'd say.
I was so enthralled with movies that I used to keep a spreadsheet of all the DVD's I owned with he title, starring actors and my own take or blurb about the movie.  What a geek.

French Toast, Pancakes, Two Eggs over Easy - bacon/home fries toast.

Fuck all that oatmeal cream of wheat shit.  And box cereal is awesome but not for breakfast.  Unless I am home.  I wouldnt eat it out.

I couldn't even rank cereals.  I know one thing.  Plain ol Frosted Flakes is in the top 3, after that I don't really know.  Frosted Flakes til i die son.

Pig/Male Cow/Chicken

The thing with soup is #1 it doesn't fill me up.  Feel like I have to eat a god damn salad bowl of soup and that is just silly.  #2 I hate slurping off a spoon.  Feel like a peasant when I slurp off a spoon.  Maybe that's why I hate that oatmeal shit too.  Well that and oatmeal taste like Elmer's Paste.  If you have to doctor it up with 1/4 pound of brown sugar, nuts, fruit and/or other sweetners what is the point?

Breaking Bad, Sopranos, The Wire.

Top 3 non sports Sega Genesis games, Streets of Rage, Earthworm Jim and Earl and Altered Beast.

::Drops Mic::

Thursday, February 21, 2013

I didn't forget, I'm just running late

Idol talk: Keith Urban and Nikki Menage* are getting better. During the judging last night Keith Urban always started and they ended with Mariah, but by the time they got to her I didn't care anymore and hit fast forward. Four judges is too much, they get too wordy and I lose interest. I also didn't get the chick who didn't have a last name. Is she on the witness protection program? She sang well, but got voted off. I think its because the lack of a last name.

NBA talk: Trade deadline today? Houston got someone. Who else goes? This Barkley interview is pretty funny.

Its rodeo season in Houston. I'm supposed to go to the BBQ cookoff tonight, but I'm not sure the weather will hold up. cmjug and I will be seeing Jason Aldean on March 11. There are a few other smaller concerts I'm hoping to attend in the area. Rodeo season is good times.

That's all I have...GO!

Wednesday, February 20, 2013

yep i forgot

I slept late, then forgot to post when i got to work

So Dwight Howard is a douche and should be traded

JETS are clearing cap space to go after Flacco (s) maybe (ns) i don't know.

that's about all i know for now

Tuesday, February 19, 2013

I'm posting late because I forgot

I got to work today early and still forgot about posting. It isn't even because I am busy either. I am just useless in the AM. Probably the PM too.

In any case I am not sure anyone has noticed, but WVU hoops and football sucks now. WTF? It looked like they were going to be good, but the exact opposite happened. At least in the LOV NCAA league WVU is good. They are so good that they get people on the All American Team (Freshman) who didn't even play a snap. I am not sure I didn't redshirt the kid.

Jerry Buss died. Sadly I wish this would have happened last week so I would have heard less Jordan crap. It is not that I don't think Jordan was great, I just don't care that he is 50. Whip de do.

Danica Patrick is on the pole. NASCAR took like 60 years to get a woman on the pole. Sounds gay to me. All those dudes on the pole for 60 years....

I'm pretty sure I had other things to say, but like usual I forgot.

Friday, February 15, 2013

Anytime, Anyplace

I can still, without even touching myself, get srpung when I here or watch Janet Jackson's "Anytime, Anyplace" song.  Off her smash album "janet" release in 1993, peak lil boy sexy time (13) I could barely keep my hands off myself when i saw that video.  And back then vidoes were a thing.  MTV was ya-huge.  She had major sex appeal.

Also pre-porn jerk action:

MTV's show Singled Out (fucking Jenny McCarthy)
Anything with Mariah Carey involved
Madonna video "Human Nature"
Random workout infomercials with random chicks
Of course, Skinemax or anything Marilyn Chambers
And of course movies with sex, like Showgirls

You know how we marveled or I marveled over food creations like who first ate a clam and stuff like that.  Another thing that fascinates me is who invested toothpaste.  Deoderant.  Shampoo.  Ever watch a movie set in a time period where none of that stuff goes on and wonder how people dealt with body odor smell.  I want to murder people when they stink.  Way of life I guess.  Just intriguing.

Thursday, February 14, 2013

Happy Valentine's Day!

Lp does not celebrate Valentine's day! /Lp

I let Anthony tell people he doesn't celebrate Valentine's Day. /cmlp

I don't know about where you live, but in this area there has always been a few people out at intersections begging for money or whatever. They'll have signs that say "Homeless vet", or "Single mom" and things like that. Over the last couple of years the amount of people out there begging has gone way up. It seems there are people on almost every instersection, and some intersections have whole families out there, young kids included. Is this happening where y'all live? I don't pretend to know what they are going through, and I've bought an occasional meal through a drive through for some of them. I guess I think I'd be spending my time looking for a yob of some sort rather than begging everyday. There is an intersection by my house where the same guy has been out there almost everyday for over a year. I'm just wondering if this is happening by you. NYC doesn't count.

Cmjug and I are not going out for Valentine's Day tonight. I'm cooking some steaks on the grill and we're hanging out at the house.


Wednesday, February 13, 2013

Guilty Pleasures

It's Ash with that what you will

What is everyone's biggest guilty pleasure. YOu know, something that you totally love but are embarrased by if your boys found out. Like Meiz with country music, or keith with his friends obsession. Mine is Taylor Swift, for whatever reason that girl makes songs I enjoy and they get stuck in my head. Doesn't hurt that she's turned into a bone-able version of herself. Am I always going to find girls in their young 20's attactive?

Young 20's club:

Kate Upton
Jennifer Lawrence
Taylor Swift
Selena Gomez

Yes, i left Miley Cyrus off the list on purpose..fucking trailer trash

STate of the Union was on last night...old Barry asked for a lot of bills to be sent his about one that puts more bills in my pocket, like creating a payroll tax holiday.

I'm tired of all the Lebron talk. So he's shooting over 60% from the floor and scoring 30pts each of the last 6 games...I can't believe that's even a statistic. I heard Mike and Mike talking this morning about if LBJ is getting into the Jordan stratosphere, and started comparing statistics. Fuck that. With the rules changes, if MJ was playing in today's league he'd average 40/game...easy. Maybe i'm biased and old school, but Lebron doesn't even come close to MJ.

Still one of the greatest commercials ever

I like to think they're talking about me in the commercial


Tuesday, February 12, 2013


I wore the wrong shoes to work. Had to go back home and change. I wore the brown shoes and black pants. Looked stupid. It was stupid. I am useless in the morning.

Now more stuff

I am cutting way back on carbs for lent. Except I guess the NCAA tourney day. That day will be carb heavy. It is really close to the end of lent I think. I don't see a way around the carbs that day. Sorry Jesus.

Any news on that LA cop? Is this a movie plot playing out in real time? Is Kevin Spacey negotiating with him yet? Sam Jackson has to play him right? Low budget maybe they get Lawrence Fishburn? Louis Gosset Jr. should play his dad. What ever happened to him? I liked him in Digstown. I don't know how to spell it. It had James Woods in it. Underrated movie. Good movie. I liked it.

I also like cupcakes. Fucking great treat.

Spiff's Nport pics were great last post. But my point in not liking her is that she seems to think she is too smart, maybe she is, and she has a holier then now* attitude. I get that from the 0 minutes I have interacted with her. Jlaw might not look at good, but in the 0 minutes I have interacted with her I think her attitude is better.

Warriors are getting new short sleeve jerseys. They seem alright.

That's all I have today.

Monday, February 11, 2013


Grammy Recap:Dem tits

As for the Lawrence vs. Portman discussion:
To the Lawrence fans I say:

Not a fan

Lawrence fans will respond with:

Team Portman for life though:

Posted this before:

That'll be all

Friday, February 08, 2013

Good morning

Hey there snowstorm. 

Potato is my favorite vegetable and it's all because of french fries.

You have to admire vanilla ice cream for it's simplicity.

Grade A Maple syrup.  Anything less would be uncivilized.

I like brick.

The smell of metal being welded is where it's at.

Hungarian food.  Never really had.

If Iran does get a nuclear weapon, AHIK, Israel is dead.  So they say.

I think when I'm 45 I will buy season tickets to the Knickerbockers.  In one of those fancy suites.

If you could buy something ridiculous like, let's say a private plane but it's the only thing you could buy, it's like the genie will only grant one major fucking purchase.  Would it be a mansion?  A G6 (it would be staffed at all times whenever you need it).  A tank?  A company?  An idea?  A franchise?  A patent?  A boat?  A zoo?

I can look this up but when they yell timber they literally mean timber is falling right?

I'm glad I don't have a dog.

Munchkins.  The donut hole kind.  Brilliant.

What's the story with balloons?  Like who started that fad.

Sometimes I wish I was living my life in the 1950's.  Life seemed so much simpler then.  This world we live in now, it's insane.

Did you ever want to be dangerously close to an explosion to feel it, like when they run away from it in the movies?

Wednesday, February 06, 2013

Tuesday, February 05, 2013


Sometimes work interferes with posting. Today is one of those days.

Random Shit

In case you missed it the Ravens won the Super Bowl. Tem won his bet with Cmtem. Cmtem has to do all of the cooking and dishes this week. I am sure El Pad is confused as he probably thinks she should always do it, but she doesn't. We usually run a deal that whoever cooks doesn't have to do dishes. Soon though she'll have that baby and the baby will do dishes. No free rides at casa de Tem.

I got a new keyboard at work. It is ok. It doesn't need hit as hard as my last keyboard. But I still bang on it anyway. I am a loud typer. Also I type almost exclusively with my left hand. That is from video games. Right hand mouse, left hand keyboard. That's how I roll.

Blackhawks have not lost in Hockey. They must be pretty good. Sharks and Ducks are good too I guess. Boston only has one loss, but I assume they are cheating because they are Boston.

I think the Lakers should trade Howard to a college team. He needs to mature a bit more.

Anyone see this sniper story? WTF? Some dude just kills him at a rifle range? Guns are bad man. Ban all guns.

NBA Super fan news: “James Goldstein is our largest investor in NBA tickets in the world,” says David Stern, commissioner of the NBA.
Is that a compliment?? I don't know, but he is rich and gets good looking ladies to hug him.

Speaking of, there is a guy that goes to the local bar. He gets drunk and tries to grab every females ass in the bar. Also he brings strippers with him. Sadly they don't strip at the bar, but they are clearly strippers. I believe he is some sort of contruction guy. In any case he always ends up leaving alone but while he is there he gets to grab a lot of ass. He also likes smelling hair. During the NFL season he was pretty much as fun to watch as any game. You know what? He was more fun to watch than every game. It was awesome to see him in action. Especially with new waitresses who didn't know what to do when they got ass grabbed.


In the final TCS ever (the network cancelled it due to decreased popularity) it has been determined that El Pad and Keith are both winners. They did at least the bare minimum to stay in the contest and will be rewarded with prize packs. Maybe they'll be good prize packs. I have Keith's address because he always wins. I need El Pad's.

Monday, February 04, 2013


Fucking 49ers. I hate the fade route, and am incredulous when teams call it on do or die plays.



dat ass

Friday, February 01, 2013

Jim -3.5 over John

San Fran -3.5 over Ravens

I think the Niners could have won the whole thing last year.  I think they think the same thing.  Putting aside the "destiny" of the Ravens and the fact that, let's face it, they should not be here.  I mean Denver beat them right?  I remember that.  The Mile High Rainbow?  The Kyle Williams Fumbles?  There is a parallel there.  Ravens have Ray Rice.  Niners have Frank Gore.  Ravens have Ed Reed.  Niners have Patrick Willis.  Ravens have Ray Lewis who is high on the Lord.  Niners have Navarro Bowman who is high on hurting people.  Niners have an answer for every weapon the Ravens have.  The Ravens don't.  Like Spiff said, are we really ready to live in a world where Joe Flacco is a Super Bowl champion?

The Bro Bowl.  Fucking Bro Bowl.  Some Dads just want their kids to be more successful then they were but this is to the MAX.  Two kids in the Super Bowl.  Can't wait until the Mannings meet next year.  Any chance we can get the Harbaugh sister to flip the coin or something?

So I haven't peeked at the props yet but I'm interested in the following:

Tails (-120)

First person to score a TD - Vernon Davis, Jacoby Jones, Bernard Pierce
(Guessing Kaepernick is even money or even minus)

Over/Under FG's - if 4.5 or 4 I would like under.  Akers is ass.

MVP - Crabtree, Bowman, Ed Reed, Jacoby Jones all will bring in big money.

Unrelated, ok your Dan Marino I get it chicks want to fuck you.  But dog why you impregnating bitches man?  That shit BURNS FAMILIES DOWN.

Hall of Fame voting for NFL pisses me off.  Let me ask you, why the fuck is there a limit to how many guys can get in (in one year I mean)?  If 8 guys deserve to go in, truly then shit put them all in.  See next years ballot?  In addition to the dudes still waiting on the sidelines to get in when they ARE CLEARLY HALL OF FAMERS (CRIS CARTER HELLO).  You got Sapp HOF easy, Strahan HOF easy, Larry Allen HOF easy, Ogden HOF easy.  Those 4 alone could be a class.  Then throw in the near misses like Charles Haley.  Put them all in.  Sure it's sacred but they are all legit.  No lies.

You guys like pork chops?  I like pork chops.

Ok gotta go.  Cmep tracks my time on the laptop, I think I hear her coming I have to shut down if she catches me on here I'm dead.  DEAD!

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino