Tuesday, July 31, 2012

Return to Sender

So I watched this 21 Jump Street movie this past weekend. It was actually pretty damn funny. I was impressed. I laughed which is good for a comedy. It was predictable but had a couple surprises. I don't remember the TV show even though I am aware of its existence. It had some references to the show. Anyway, I would recommend the movie. Especially if it was free.

Did you know that a woman ovulates on the 14th day of her cycle and that the menstrating days count towards those 14? I knew about the 14th (or thereabouts) day thing, but I didn't know when it started. I know now.

Summit 3, someone needs to take the reins. I think Meiz is chomping at the bit to do this. I know I am not. I have no desire to pick a place and a weekend. TP had 2 good weekends. 1 was bad for me. Let's do the other. Keith says he is out, but we can guilt him into it.

I keep losing recruiting time in NCAA footyball. I'll have an hour left and it will say I am out of time.

Fucking Cubs are like Pirate kryponite. Freak probably destroyed a sock last night. Poor sock.

The office is quite jovial today. I think I need to go ruin some people's moods. I am not in a great mood and that means they can't be either. Actually just thinking about ruining their mood is making me feel better.

I used to think that I was meant for good in this world, but maybe it is the other way. Maybe I am really supposed to be evil....

My arms hurt.

Go see 21 Jump Street. They are making a sequel.

Monday, July 30, 2012

Fourteen months off, 89. I'll take it.

Played go play golfing on Saturday. For those not on the LOV Facebook circuit, I shot 89. Not bad. I could detail every hole & every shot, but you guys would kill me for doing that, so I won't.

Keith, you have your golf trip coming this weekend. TP, you play a little here & there. To the both of you, if you're looking for a very good, cheap ball, get the Callaway HX Diablo. I researched 'em and boat a dozen Saturday morning. They feel great off the tee, AWESOME coming off irons, and very very nice off the putter face on the greens. I'm very impressed by Callaway finally making a ball that isn't just a low cost "distance" rock or a high end tour ball. They really got it right with the HX Diablo at a $20 price point. I had 'em on that hit, bounce, stop status. I like that a LOT in a ball. In fact, I'm gonna play them over the NXT Tour, and I've been a dedicated NXT Tour player since they came out.

I mapped out a midpoint for Summit III, and sure as shit, it's in the middle of Missouri. I TOLD you we should just do this in Saint Louis. Let's fucking make something happen. And LP, quit being an excuse making bitch, becaus e that's all you got. Excuses. I want to get ham-bag shitfaced with you, and maybe get kicked out of a bar. I'm tired of joking about it. Seriously.

Who wants to miss out on this shit? Not me.

I'm giving this Frank Ocean Channel Orange album a spin right now. I like it. It's pretty jazzy, pretty groovy. I think I'll keep it in rotation. Thumbs up from the Meiz.

Wayment. Yeah, this sums up the album pretty well.

I'm having a delicious steak with A-1 right now. Mmmmmmmmmmmmm! On to the broccoli!

This might be a little weird, but I'm thinking I might like the Winter Olympics more than the summer games. I love watching bobsled, luge, skiing, speed skating and curling more than the stuff they do in summer with the non-unique summer sports.

You guys want to know a REALLY good way to piss me off? Ask me to help you find a gas cap for a 1999 Bayliner Capri on eBay at 10:15 on a Sunday night on Internet Explorer. IT WILL MAKE ME WANT TO BLUDGEON YOU WITH A WOODEN MEAT TENDERIZER.

I think that's all for now.

Friday, July 27, 2012

Fuck Grammar

Do you ever think about getting old?  It's depressing.  Yet exhilirating.  Something about waking up and not having jack shit to do is quite appealing.  What's funny is I bet when my daughter is like 14 and doing something so technology advanced from what we have today I'll be all like yeah well your daddy used to tweet ya know.  Your daddy was a blogger.  How cool is that.  She'll probably roll her eyes and go in her room to have virtual sex or something crazy out little minds haven't even thought of yet.  A little more than 10 years ago the Ipod was born.  We are on 4G bandwith with 5G right around the corner.

El Pad fact : I punch myself in the face every once in awhile.  Keeps the jaw from getting soft.

I wish you guys were into this Spumoni I'm eating right now.  It would make the cut on The Best Thing I Ever Ate - El Padrino edition.  Shit makes me sad none of you have even experienced it.  God damn revelation. 

El Pad fact :  I drank my own piss for $100 in 7th grade.  Don't judge.  It was only like a shot.

El Pad fact :  Whenever I get pissed at cmep I tighten all the bottlecaps in the fridge including salad dressings, hot sauce, soda (pop /tem), water, etc.  It gets her TIGHT. 

El Pad fact : I have 3 black cousins.

El Pad fact : I've never cheated on any girlfriend at any point.  I just broke up with them then later that day or night hook up with someone else.  I also never ate pussy until cmep.  That's how you know it's fucking love.

The punching myself in the face fact is unfortunately 100% NS.  I may have some issues.  But all in all I think I'm pretty normal.

Throwback : Snapple clear Root Beer soda.  This shit existed.  I'm on a quest to find it.

Throwback : Starter coats.

I think I miss the 90's. 


Thursday, July 26, 2012

Jug sucks at posting

Better late than never though...

I'm flying to CT this weekend with cmjug for my 20 year HS reunion. I'm old...20 years seems like a long time ago, and then sometimes it doesn't. Aitch...we'll be in Boston on Sunday afternoon through Monday afternoon. Beer? cmjug has never been to Boston or NYC...decided to take her to Boston for a night because its closer to Hartford, which is where we are flying out of.

TPS will slow down for me after August 15...then I'll be on here a little more than I have been. I may take a week off work just because...I don't usually take vacation time just because.

I don't have time to write out some jug facts today, so I'll save that for another day.

Football! Go!

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

Training Camp

Broncos players report today. Camp gets going tomorrow. I'm sure there are other teams already hitting, maybe just 2 teams, but i'm too lazy to look it up.

My assistant controller quit yesterday. So now i'm down two good employees, of my entire staff of 9, there were only 3 people I felt like I couldn't afford to lose, and two of those 3 quit within the last two weeks.

Unlike Tem, I loved flash gordon as a kid. I used to watch that movie non-stop...so all that business in Ted was not lost on me.

I started to think of songs for everyone, like assigning a them song to each guy.

The only one I came up with was for EP. Blink 182, "all the small things".

cmblue asked me last night how this blog got going, and I told her "i don't remember", she called my bullshit, so I told her the story. She thought it was slightly less gay after hearing it.

What she did think was gay was that my first week in the LOV NCAA dynasty, I auto lost, then in week 2 I had a bye so all I could do was recruit. She didn't get that at all.

I did play a practice game, I didn't seem to have any troubles throwing the ball. Maybe it's because i played QB in junior high, so I know how to be the shit. My defense is awful though, having trouble with the tackling, but i'll get there. Maybe I need EP to call the defensive plays for me.

Good luck this week to everyone. Flash Gordon, over and out.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

Flash Gordon

Never seen Flash Gordon so that part of Ted was over my head. I think I am about 5 years too young for it. I dunno though. Might have to hit up IMDb.com to see what's up.

I don't have any good facts. This fact stuff got off on a bad foot. I'll try to throw out some landowners though:

I believe I have elite hand eye coordination. I'll put myself in the top 1% for sure.
I went to a private school in WaVa. I was the poorest kid there.
I believe I have a super power but I don't know which one and I don't know how to activate it.
A combination of beer and microwaves made me worse at math than I used to be.
I threw 7 INTs against Marshall in NCAA but still won by 25.
My first few times having sex I just pulled out blew my load in a towel wiped off and put it back in.
I can't really identify the smell of pot. I am probably under 50% in getting it right.
Mayonaise makes me throw up.
I would struggle to tell the difference between 2% and whole milk.
I wrote this on my phone again so any typos are the phone's fault.
I like video games.

OK that is enough facts.

So the AD and President(?) at PSU were involved in this cover up but only football gets punished? Shouldn't other parts get punished or is that what the fine is for?

Ichiro trade went fast. Hey Ichiro. You are on the wrong side of the field. We traded you over there. He played against his old team like 3 hours after the trade. How many times has that happened?

Jinx alert: the UFC on fox card in early august looks good.

Jinxing could be my super power.

Monday, July 23, 2012

Meiz Facts

I have too much fishing tackle for the level of angler I am. I'm only good at ice fishing. Going up to the cabin with Deluxe & cmDeluxe over the weekend of the fourth. I can tell I haven't spent enough time up there bcause I way too excited for it. Went to Fleet Farm to snag a fish basket because they're on sale for $4.99. I get there, and the lady tells me they're sold out of all 3 sizes they carry. Regardless, I was going to buy some stuff for panfishing. I boat* a jar of Gulp! Crickets, and some smaller hooks and little plastics. In lieu of not getting a fish basket, I decided it would be cheaper & easier to just make one out of a Keef Depot bucket.

I'm looking forward to playing collitch fooyball with the boys on the XBox masheen.

Tem & cmTem had a facebook pic show up on my timeline that was kinda large. I had to hide it because I felt like Tem was looking into my soul.

The Big Easy won the Open, hey? That's cool. I like Ernie. Wish Eldrick could have made a charge though.

I went to the Batman movie this weekend. I did not expect Bruce Wayne to turn out to be gay. Kinda makes sense though, if you think about it.

I want a home made bacon cheeseburger.

I still need to figure out how I'm going to fix the recoil starter on the old ice auger. That weighs heavily on me just about every night.

I love cooking, and can can cook my ass off in a kitchen but I'm an awful griller. It's pretty much all sausages, burgers, and veggies for me. I suck at most everything else on a grill.

Gah! SmittyFest! How could I forget about SmittyFest? Well, because it was only OK. Totally not my scene, and only had one kinda buddy there to hang out with. There was fuckloads of white trash there. In fact, I'd say 98% of the people there were WT. I just do not fit in those folks. Genuinely stupid people. If you crack a joke about your WT girlfriend in front of people, and it involves "her pussy", you are a white trash piece of shit. Seriously, these people say things like "She wouldn't give me no pussy, so I had to take it". And then people laugh. All the while, I sit there and just blank stare them all. Fuckin' weirdos.

For those of you not on the LOV Facebook circuit, I've deemed this song as my favorite song of the summer. It has a tremendous line in it. I'm gonna cop this album. Their stuff on YouTube is outstanding. Fun ass shit, and that's what I'm about in 2012.

I'm done now. Go comment on stuff.

Learn how to tie a uni knot here. Pretty much the single strongest fishing knot you can tie, and super easy, too.

Seriously, guys. Bruce Wayne is gay in the new Batman movies. Mind blown.

Friday, July 20, 2012

El PadFacts - Sponsored by Bogle Winery

Some facts about El Pad.  Possibly already known.  But I can't think of any entertaining questions right now so instead you get this. All facts are NS.

I once ate an entire Entemanns apple pie and barfed the entire pie back up in the middle of the night while sleeping.  All over the bed.  Bout 13 years old.  It was gnarly.  Didn't eat apple pie for 8 years after that. 

My go to cocktail non fancy is a jack and coke (or ginger).  My fancy drink is a manhattan.

I got hit by a car.  Twice.

My laptop died in the middle of this post.  Then I jump on my phone and see this shooting in the Colorado theater.  After that I lost all my creative juices, tried to poke cmep with my dick and instead of fucking we talked a bit which was nice then I went to bed.  So more facts next week.

Seriously though who walks into a packed theater and kills random people.  It's a story I'd expect to come across in some middle east war torn country.  This place is just as sick as the rest of them sometimes.  Crime so random.  And but damn, what it is that about suburban Denver that screams "MASSACRE".

Fuck man.  Sad day in America when your shook to go to the movies. 
Try and enjoy your Friday people.
I love you.  Piece.

Wednesday, July 18, 2012

my dog ate my homework

Actually, it shit all over my house last night whilst I was sleeping. Which is a great way to wake up in the morning...except not.

Bronco Elvis was wearing gym shorts when arrested. I find it hard to believe he was carrying a 40mm glock with a loose elastic wasteband. But that's just me. Now there are reports that he not only never touched the gun, but he didn't even get out of his car...

Work work work

Going to the rockies game today with my staff. We do this about once a year, should be good times. No corporate suite this time, just sitting out in RF stands.

I'm about to fire 2 peeps though, but they have to come with us to the game. CFO is making me find replacements before I fire them. So sometime in the next few weeks, i'll be the executioner again.

Had a really weird dream about another director here in the company last night. There was lots of sexytime and other shenanigans involved. Now it's tough for me to look at her today and not think about that. So odd because while she's alright to look at, i've worked with her for four years and never been the least bit attracted to her.

8 days until broncos open camp..what what!!!

I'm getting on the NCAA 13 bandwagon so we can have our LoV league. I haven't played NCAA in probably 10 years, but that won't stop me. I also gotta get my xbox live subscription back up...i don't know why i'm so excited about this. You fuckers better not dissapoint me.

Tuesday, July 17, 2012

your name here $100

Idiots with nothing better to do is still my favorite totpm.

So Ray Rice guaranteed plus Matt Forte Guaranteed is less than Brook Lopez Guaranteed? I'm not sure that makes a whole lot of sense to me. The economics of basketball are wired. I guess they have far less players so they pay more. I thought NFL revenues were much higher than NBA revenues......oh well in any case they all make a lot of money.

I think both the deals are good. Both RBs showed that they can get it done. Now they just need to keep getting it done. If I get one on a fantasy team then they better get it done.

So this current USA hoops team could beat the dream team talk is over now? I guess not dominating Brazil will do that to you. Next they play England. That should be hilarity. I didn't even know England had a team. I wonder if England got some NBAers and nationalized them? I might have to watch some of this England matchup.

I get to take a banker out on property tours today. I hope it is ElPad. Probably won't be though since the dudes name is Greg. Getting out of the office will be nice. Hanging with a banker all day might not be. I'm probably supposed to wear a suit but it is gonna be 95 and real humid, Eff the suit.

Athletes need to quit driving drunk. People need to quit. It is hard not to though. I've definitely done it and am Damn lucky nothing happened. I hope I didn't use all my luck on that. I foresee needing more luck in the future.

I wrote this on my phone, I wonder what words it autocorrected. I tried to pay attention but I didn't.

Monday, July 16, 2012

Weekend Recap

I'm gonna start with the good shit. Friday night was a classic Alex Wilson show. He ripped it at Summer Sounds. Cranked out a 10 minute guitar solo, and broke 2 strings. We always get up for our local boy, and he gets up for us.

Saturday was lame.

SUNDAY! Miller Park Drunk Pants Party II! Lots of fun since the 1st one in 2010 since I know way more interweb baseball people now than I did then. I even started to arrange an ice fishing trip to get the baseball weirdos into the outdoors. My friend Nicole is down to clown because she's never been fishing(WHAT?), and just started eating fish this past winter(again, WHAT?). She's going to culinary school and wants me to show her how to fillet a fish. Its really fucking easy, and you'd have to be a damn retard to struggle with it. I digress. You can see pics from the Pants Party on facebook. If not, tough shit.

Deep breath...

I don't know any of the other details besides "heart attack", but I lost a little brother Saturday night/Sunday morning. My friend Jimmy's little brother died, man. Just up and died. I don't know why, but I have a really hard time believing a 25 year old kid in good health and shape just has a heart attack. I'm more inclined to believe that he might have either been using something or did it on purpose, because who the fuck just has a heart attack when they're 25? I don't refuse to believe it, but...What the fuck man? He was the ONLY little brother that could keep up with us on a regular basis. His body just quit? Man, heart attack, my ass. I've cried enough tonight. This'll do, donkey. This'll do.

Friday, July 13, 2012

Spot Start

So here we go again. Another day, another post. I wonder if this blog is up there in the most posts blog rankings. I doubt. Someone probably posts 4 times a day. Didn't Sparty and Friends do that? Does that still exist? Should we go flame them a bit? I think we are mellowing out. We used to be killers man. We used to flip ya. Flip ya for real. We used to be something. We used to be the hunter, the predator, now we are just hanging out waiting for an opportunity to show our old glory. Retard Shamoff isn't around anymore, Sports Guy has sold out, all the enemies are gone. If we were mexican we could attack Whitlock in some sort of race war. We'll find a new enemy. Maybe COBRA. The GI Joe dudes don't look like they can handle it. The blog needs to fight COBRA. But we get Snake Eyes. He is badass. He is a special case. He could knock Beth up with stealth sperm. God that thought must scare Beth. Stealth sperm. Or like sperm that doesn't have a lot of quit in it. It doesn't care if she is on the pill, it is getting to that egg and it is making that egg work. Do WORK egg. Fucking Snake Eyes stealth sperm is no laughing matter.

Really scary stuff.

So I think cmtem might be interested enough in this 50 Shades of Gray book to read it. I haven't even had to prod or anything. Her friend that we play volleyball with, by the way we won, we are the fucking champions. Beat some team that thought they were the shit. Fuck them, we are the shit. Anyway, friend on volleyball team says the book sucks, so cmtem is not gonna read it, but then friend says it got better and she can't stop, so cmtem is gonna read it. Husband of volleyball friend agrees with blue....shit is spanish fly.

Secretary girl is sick today and office manager is on vacation, so bookkeeper chick is taking the reigns on figuring out how to answer phones. We need meiz up in here to fix this shit. Actually she is figuring it out pretty well. When the fucking thing rings she picks it up and talks. Then when she is done talking she puts it back down. Funny image in my head now of her picking up the whole phone instead of just the handheld. That'd be a blonde thing to do. I used to be blonde, I think. Dirty blonde, whatever the fuck that is. I mean my hair was clean, why does it have to be dirty blonde? Fuck you dirty blonde namer man. I have like dark blonde hair. Why can't it just be dark blonde? Like dark chocolate. It ain't dirty chocolate. Dirty Chocolate sounds like a porn. A porn I doubt I would watch. Sorry to say but I really only like white chicks in porn. Don't know why. In real life I see some black chicks and they are hot, but black chick porn starts just don't do it for me.

So let's talk Joe Paterno...haha just kidding. Fuck that story. It has been beaten to death. I am convinced he died from knowing he fucked up. Shit like that weakens you. And he was like 1,000 years old. Not like the Highlander 1,000 years old, he was like really fucking old and frail. Highlander was a bad ass movie. Terrible in some ways, but still bad ass. I liked the soundtrack too. Who wants to live forever? I do mother fucker. Sign me up for that shit. I'd be a bitchin' immortal. I could totally pull off the change my identity every 30 years shit. I'd totally want cmtem to be immortal with me though. She is pretty damn cool. In any case sometimes I wonder if I would give up my immortality for her. I would. I think the decision is especially easy because chances are good that I am not immortal. But if I were I'd give it up. That is ROMANCE bitches. That is more ROMANCE than balcony fucking.

Speaking of fucking it goes so much better when you can push off of something with your legs. Obviously talking about missionary position here or some form thereof. In any case if you have no base it doesn't work as well. Then you gotta fuck too much with your back. You need some serious leg push to get some good action going. Nothing is worse than back cramp mid fuck. That just stops things. You can fight through a leg cramp, but a back cramp no way. File this shit under old people problems.

Hmmm...I better post this. I might add more.

I want to learn how to play the guitar, but it seems like it is more work than I want to put in. I'm not against work, but I just don't want to work at guitar. I have other things I'd like to get better at. But first I gotta stop sleeping so much. Goddman do I sleep a lot. Mornings fucking suck. I struggle to get out of bed. I should wake up about 2 hours earlier than I do. I sleep like 9 or 9.5 hours a night. It is awesome, but damn does it make me feel lazy. People get mad when they find out how much I sleep. 1st thing I ask them is if they have kids. Usually they do and I say, well there ya go. You'd sleep more too if you didn't have kids. They generally agree at that point and we move on to other topics. I am excited to try to have a kid. I think I'll be a good enough dad. Apparently beating kids is OK, so I am excited about that. LOV taught me that hitting kids doesn't necessarily ruin them. So thanks for that. People on here seem OK, so the beatings must have worked. It's like that sign that says the beatings will continue until morale improves. It is always a pirate like sign. I think I would have been a good pirate too. Not a butt pirate though. Like a board your vessel and take your stuff pirate. I might be too nice though. I'd let them keep some of their stuff. Like yeah, I caught you can I'm gonna take your stuff, but not all of it so you have that going for you kind of pirate. If I had a time machine maybe I'd make my pirate flag the yellow smiley face. Take that Forrest Gump! I stoled your idea.

Stoled is one of my favorite words to say.....somebody stoled it. It is a direct rip off of Jeff Foxworthy. He is a funny guy. You pretty much can't leave him off a top 10 stand up comic list. He sold like 0 CDs, but 1,000,000,000 cassettes. George Carlin was a funny dude too.

Thursday, July 12, 2012


I feel very out of touch with everything right now. We are ini the new house and will be getting cable setup next week and Internet sometime the week after that. Luckily there is really nothing to keep track of in sports right now. Its almost time for FOOTBALL...suite!

I think we had a discussion about HD one time on here and I said I didn't pay for HD. Well, I'm finally making the jump. Are you proud?

I'm getting burned out at work somewhat...been working a lot of days...woe. There is a light at the end of the tunnel though, one more month roughly. "Mop, mop, mop all day long...mop, mop, mop while I sing dat song."

I don't have anything else to say, this post sucks. I need to get to work. Who is posting for Lp on Friday? Are we getting a new set of questions?

Wednesday, July 11, 2012

Worse sports day of the year

unless you're a huge WNBA fan.

and judging by most lesbians, they are huge

broncos training camp opens in 2 weeks, other camps probably open sooner.

NBA free agency starts today, where will dwight howard end up, the anticipation is palpable.

nl DESTROYED the AL last night. I guess. Melky is awesome

things are in full swing everywhere, which is nice

summer is here

i'm stalling for ideas, but nothing is coming to me.

NCAA football comes out this week for teh Xbox...or maybe it's already out.

that is all

Tuesday, July 10, 2012

Tuesday 7-10-12

Three tit total recall

The trailer hints that the three tittied lady is in it. If they show tits I will see it in theatres (the dollar theatre) if they don't then I won't. It is really as simple as that.

Jordan flu game

How come nobody involved other than Jordan got the flu? If he had the flu so bad someone else would have gotten it too. Are you telling me that he magically avoided people on the day(s) he was contagious? It is the middle of the playoffs right? He is constantly around teammates, staff, the other team, etc. and nobody else gets the flu? Whatever.

Abc shows

Good lord they suck.


It is a killer man. I'm pretty good at ignoring it, but work is getting rough lately. Imma gonna play the lottery and see how that turns out.


1) his name sounds like hard on and that is funny
2) he has a Peter Griffin bird beard
3) after watching the NBA playoffs I am not sure why people say he is good. he was not good in the playoffs. At least the finals.

Home Run Derby

I didn't watch much. I watched for a bit and got bored and put Futurama on. In any case the part I did watch was OK. Kruk pretends he is dumb too much. He sandbags.


I hope it becomes a five team trade. That'd be cool.

Monday, July 09, 2012

And My Heaven Is A Nice House In The Sky

I don't feel like posting today, but I'll do it because I signed up for it.

I went to Dave on Saturday essentially out of boredom. I wound up having a good helping of fun, but I have to say it was the worst concert going experience I've ever had. This is remarkable because I still had fun, just had to work a little to find the fun. I found a ticket for $45 down in the seated area. I will never ever go to a DMB show with a seat ticket over a lawn ticket. The lawn's where it's at. I'm gonna leave this alone for now and just let it cook in my brain.

Here are a couple of the better pics I snapped.

That last pic is real as steel, man. Those are the folks I need to be with at a show. I love getting lost in a huge crowd and making part-time friends.


I think all these teams sending scouts to Brewers game is pretty funny. My guy Noah summed it up best.

“Hey, so we got this tip that the Brewers have a good pitcher. Shack Dankie or something.”
“Zack Greinke? Yeah, he’s very good”
“Oh, you’ve heard of him? Great! Well, we want to send you to take a look at him!”
“Really? I mean, I could probably tell you what you need to know right now.”
“We want to be sure he’s as good as people say!”
“Do you really need to look? The guy would be a good fit on every team…”
“Oh, I don’t know. I can’t imaging we’ve seen much of him!”
“I mean, I could save you, like, a grand if you just bought MLB.tv quick and watched all his starts…”
“Nope! Go on to Milwaukee!”
-Noah Jarosh

Have a decent Monday, gang.

Friday, July 06, 2012


Do your parents strike you growing up? Yes. My mother was the enforcer much more than my dad. I have two brothers one is 13 months younger than me the other is 5 years younger. I don’t recall my youngest brother ever getting hit, but my other brother and I would get beat pretty regularly. Since we were only 13 months apart we were essentially treated as twins, so if one of us did something wrong we would both get beat. Mom’s favorite tools included: wooden spoon, metal spoon, whiffle ball bat, tennis racket, belt, yard stick, wooden paddle, hands, and extension cord. Some classic beatings that I can remember resulted from the following: climbing/knocking down the Christmas tree, making “soup” in the toilet using almost every ingredient we could reach in the kitchen, beating up some neighborhood kid who was a little “slow”, forgetting my youngest brother at the store (he was 5 at the time and we were 9 & 10…. My mom beat us a little bit, went to the store to get my brother and then came home and beat us some more), teaching my youngest brother to say “fuck”, lighting fireworks in the house (it was a small fountain that fucked up our rug) and throwing snowballs at cars. My mom’s secret weapon was saved for when we misbehaved in public. She would talk pretty softly to lure us in and then would pull our hair and twist. right on the back of the neck…. That shit hurt.

Did they run the AC in the summer? Yes, but only when it was extremely hot.

Did you remember your first kiss? Yes, spin the bottle, summer between 7th and 8th grade.

What was your mother’s best dish? Just about any Italian food. My mom’s best friends growing up were Italian and she learned to cook from them. First car? 1979 Datsun 510.

Best friend? 1. cmtp 2. my brother (the one that I took all the beating with). 3. Several guys from college years. I guess I’m lucky because I have lots of friends that would pass the “drop everything to help bail me out of a jam” test.

How many fights have you gotten into? More than a few. I fought a few times in elementary school, zero in middle school and about 5 times in HS. All HS fights were hockey related. We would fight other teams after the game in the parking lot for some dumb reason. Had a bad stretch of bar fights in my early to mid 20s, but nothing recently, unless you count hitting a homeless guy.

Have you ever committed a crime? Yes. Nothing major things like shoplifting, speeding, driving while drunk (luckily I was never busted for that) and open container.

  What was your first job? Paper route when I was 13, NY Newsday after school. First real paycheck type job was stocking shelves at a supermarket (waldbaum’s… ep might be the only person to know that store) when I was 16.

Favorite sports moment? Got lots of them. I was lucky enough to be at all 3 of UF’s NC wins. First one against FSU was probably the best; Basketball NC in Atlanta was suite too; Tebow’s last home game; Florida/Tenn game in 1995… peyton and vols were up big in the 1st half and then UF had a huge second half and won 62-37; 1st UF game after 9/11. The national anthem was performed by gator marching band, but the crowd was singing so loudly you could not hear the band; TB lighting first playoff win. It was the mid-90s and the lightning were playing in Tropicana field. The game went to OT and TB won (they went on to lose the series), but that OT win was grate*. Huge crowd made it feel like a ncaa football game. Best sports moment watching on tv was’86 mets/sox game 6. When Mookie’s grounder went through Buckner’s legs we immediately went outside and celebrated with other people in the neighborhood. It was the exact opposite of Betran looking at a curve for called strike 3.

Are you afraid of anything? Death and frogs.

Any regrets? Not applying myself in sports more. I really didn’t care about winning/getting better in sports in HS. I played because it was something fun to do and to hang out with my friends. I didn’t listen to coaches. I didn’t practice very hard. I didn’t work out very hard. Looking back I know it was a big mistake. I’m not saying that I would have gone very far in the sporting world, but not trying at all pisses me off. I see the same trait in sotp and it annoys me.

Thursday, July 05, 2012

Lp Q&A...Jug

Do your parents strike you growing up? Without mercy! Actually, same as some others on here, with the wooden spoon and the belt. I was able to eliminate the wooden spoon though. Thankfully I was young enough where I don't remember this, but one day I had put the wooden spoon in my mouth, and my little kid brain thought it would be a good idea to run around and I ended up falling forward and it went down my throat. It didn't go all the way down, but it did get lodged in there and my parents had to take me to the hospital to get it taken out. Apparently I have a scar in there as if I had slit my throat from the inside, but I've never seen it.
Did they run the AC in the summer? Yes, and the heat in the winter. HEATLES!!! /mize We didn't need to run the AC much living in New Hampshire and Connecticut. Basements were grate* too, I miss those.
Did you remember your first kiss? I do. I'm kind of like tem in that I don't remember a lot of specific details of things, but my first kiss was at a school dance. It was awkward, but hey, it was a kiss.
What was your mothers best dish? My mom's lasagna, but she used sour cream instead of ricotta. I made that up. I'm not sure what her best dish was, everything was pretty solid, but I don't remember one thing in particular, so I'll go with spaghetti. We ate that a lot.
First car? I don't remember what year the car was, but it was a Chevy Celebrity station wagon (shaggin' wagon). My best friend in high school had a station wagon that was very similar, we used to race to the mall. Our town was somewhat small and boring. He and I used to go to Dunkin Donuts and each buy a box of 60 munchkins and have donnut wars. We'd set boundries in town, go our seperate ways and try to find each other and throw donuts at each other's cars. We'd also pull up to red lights and throw them into other people's cars if they had their window open. Amazingly this never lead to an ass kicking.
Best friend? I have two close friends that I consider my best friends, my friend Chuck and my friend Jason. I pretty much consider them brothers. I've known both close to ten years now, and both stood up in my wedding. The common test with best friends mentioned here is would they bail me out of jail, or would they be there if I had to lace up my shoes. They would for sure, but above that, they would speak up or smack me upside the head if I was doing something that would land me in jail. Really at this point in my life I'm not too concerned with going to jail. Both of them have kids and we do a lot of stuff together. Would I trust them with my kids when I have them? Absolutely!
How many fights have you gotten into? I fought a lot as a little kid. When we lived in Illinois there was a family that lived up the street from us that our family didn't get along with. They were pretty much WT. They had three kids, and the middle kid was my age. I fought with him a lot, but that didn't stop the younger and older one from joining in. One time that kid was riding his bike through our yard and he said something bad about my mom. I got really pissed, went in the garage and grabbed a piece of a 2X4 and chased him with it. I ended up hitting him over the back with it Hacksaw Jim Duggan style and he rode his bike home crying. Wussbag! We moved to New Hampshire when I was going into the 5th grade. The town we moved to wasn't used to people moving there, so we were outsiders. I got picked on a lot there and got into a few fights...no fights since then though.
Have you ever committed a crime? I've never been arrested for anything. I shoplifted when I was in high school. I mostly stole condoms and random things like that. I did get caught once and was turned over to my parents, and that ended my life of crime.
What was your first job? My friend's dad worked at a used car lot, so on Saturdays my friend and I would work there washing cars. We'd get paid $20 cash, which was cool at the time. I was 14. My first paycheck type yob was at Burger King.
Favorite sports moment? White Sox winning the World Series was an awesome moment for me. It was also grate* that they played the Astros because I ended up going to game 3 here in Houston. I wasn't going to, but I ended up buying tickets on ebay the day of the game, went down there early to pick them up, and got interviewed by WGN radio. The game went into extra innings, I remember Buehrle yogging out of the bullpen late in the game. My truck got towed that night and I didn't get home until 6 AM, and I went to work that day. It was awesome! Watching Jordan play and all the Jordan years was pretty cool too. You are lucky if you have a player like that on one of your teams once in your life time. One other moment was Hester returning the opening kickoff for TD in the Super Bowl. Even though they lost the game, that moment was awesome...family was over at the house for a party, everyone went nuts...good times!
Are you afraid of anything? Your face! I don't know really...I think I'm afraid of losing my yob and not being able to provide. After I left for the AF my dad went through a period of unemployment and that was was some tough times on my family. I wasn't there to see it first hand, but that has had an effect on all of my brothers and I.
Any regrets? I am of the mindset that the dumb mistakes I made in the past made me who I am today, and I really like who I am today. I'm sorry if my confidence is off putting. However, I guess I wish I didn't have to make the dumb mistakes I did to become who I am...wish I didn't have to learn some things the hard way.

Tuesday, July 03, 2012

Q & A - Woe Edition

Do your parents strike you growing up?  
Yes. A lot. First memory I have is of my old man hitting me so hard, he knocked me off my feet. But he wasn't satisfied with just that, so he proceeded to kick me several times. I was like 4. My mom also dislocated my jaw once. I had a nice childhood.

Did they run the AC in the summer?
This is a silly question, yet we all answered it. Yes they did. My brother and I each had an A/C in our bedrooms.

Did you remember your first kiss?
Yup. Vanessa something. I can't remember her last name or much about her, but I do remember she had a huge rack. I was 14.

What was your mothers best dish?
I loved the way my mom made liver. Probably gross to some of you. But she made it with a great marinade and this thick sauce with some nice spice to it. It was awesome over white rice. I miss my mom's cooking a lot.

First car?
I inherited the old man's 1984 chevy blazer s-10. I loved that car even though it was a p.o.s.

Best friend?
My buddy Sean. We've been friends since freshman year of high school. He is definitely the first guy I call when I get jammed up. He would bail me out of jail or help me move a body without a question or second thought. He has helped me out more times than I can count, kept me out of jail when I was ready to kill my former friend (kinda n.s. My girl cheated on me with this dude and when I found out I was waiting outside his house for him to come home. I was armed. Sean found out where I was and came with a couple people to drag me away. Not one of my finer moments.) I would take a bullet for Sean.

How many fights have you gotten into?
A lot. I know this is the answer Keith expected, but I won't lie. I was bullied a lot when I was a kid. (shocking) I was in a lot of fights in 1st through 8th grade. I only got into 2 fights in my 4 years of high school. Last time I was in a legit fight was on my 24th birthday. Some idiots were being stupid in the bar, knocked into the girls we were with once too many times and I was drunk. I punched one of them 3 or 4 times before he got a swing off, he caught me in the jaw pretty good, then we were separated by the bouncers. They got kicked out, I got a free drink. Last time I hit someone was about 3 years ago at a friend's band's show. A bunch of guys were at the bar who had a beef with my friend, the guitarist in the band we were there to see. I threw like one punch before the thing ended.

Have you ever committed a crime?
I suppose I could have been charged with assault in the above incidents, but other than that, I have done some petty stuff. I guess the worst "crime" I committed was slashing this guy's tires. He sucker punched my buddy a few weeks before and broke his nose. Then one night he came into my work and was hanging inside, so I went out and slashed his tires. It was pretty dumb but I was 17.

What was your first job?
Worked a register at McDonald's when I was 15. Worked there until I was 19. Moved up to management after the first year. Hated that place but stuck it out for some reason.

Favorite sports moment?
Bruins winning the Cup last year. I know it was kind of recent, but I have always loved hockey. Started watching it when I was 6. Actually, most of the very few good memories I have of the old man are watching hockey games together. The away games were on regular TV, but the home games were all on NESN, which was a premium channel back then. We couldn't afford cable, but we had a device to unscramble and steal the cable. We only used it for Bruins games and WWF* pay per views.

Are you afraid of anything?
Getting buried alive. I'm certainly claustrophobic. I'm afraid of dying alone. Kind of dumb, but I'm afraid that no one would come to my funeral. That might be the dumbest fear ever, but I can't help it.

Any regrets?
I regret not going to college. I regret not applying myself in high school. I was very smart, but I was lazy and unmotivated. Looking back, I know a lot of that was severe depression (woe), but I just didn't give a fuck enough to try at anything. I tested with a 140 IQ and scored 1320 on my SATs, but I also had mostly Cs and Ds because I put in exactly zero effort. Other than that, I echo the sentiments of the rest of you. Everything I have been through has made me who I am, and things are finally starting to fall into place, so it is all good.

Monday, July 02, 2012

LP's Q&A. As. edition

Do your parents strike you growing up? Yep. Dad used the belt & moms used the wooden spoon. My mom broke at least 5 spoons whooping me. I remember one time when I was like 4 or 5, I did something and my dad got pissed and was chasing me down the hall with his belt, whipping it at me like I was a horse pulling his carriage.
Did they run the AC in the summer? Still don't get this question. It's summertime. Who doesn't run the AC in the summertime, except for people in Alaska & Seattle.
Did you remember your first kiss? Yeah. She was my next door neighbor in Utar*. Summer between my 7th & 8th grade year. Her name was Melanie. I only remember this because she was having a party at her house, and there was this girl in our neighborhood who I had the biggest crush on since like 3rd grade, Shauna Fitzgerald. I remember I was sitting on the couch with her at the party and were talking, and it got like awkward because we bolth* wanted to kiss but we didn't. Then later on we were playing spin the bottle in the basement and I ended up kissing the neighbor chick.
What was your mothers best dish? Probably her lasagna. She still has us over for dinner whenever she makes it. She uses cottage cheese instead of Ricotta. It sounds weird I guess, but it worked. Love that shit.
First car? First car I owned was a 1989 Nissan pickup. I boat* it from my friend in 2007 for $800. I had that for about 6 months and then I traded it in for a Jeep Wrangler. I wish I still had that thing, that was my favorite car that I've had. Had 34" tires with aluminum American Racing rims. I had to trade that in when I moved back to AZ because it didn't have AZ.
Best friend? Hmmm, I guess it'd be my boy Bardsley. I've known him for about 10 years now. I don't really talk to any friends of mine from when I was in hike school. So it'd probably be Bards. And he dated csil, so I guess I would owe him any favor he ever axed of me because of that bullshit.
How many fights have you gotten into? I fight with cmk all the time. (S). If you count a fight as a punch being thrown, then I've been in exactly zero fights. If you count some pushing, then it's probably one or 2 times. I had this friend in elementary school & jr high who was like 6" shorter than me and he wanted to throw down all the time. He was the stereotypical Napoleon. He would try to get me to throw down all the time and I would laugh and walk away.
Have you ever committed a crime? Of course. Nothing major, though. When I was 8, I was in the grocery store in the aisle where they have the candy in the bins that you can bag yourself. I haven't seen those in forever. But I grabbed a couple pieces of toffee out and was eating them, and some lady saw me and took me to the manager. The manager walked with me to find my parents. I got whipped pretty good that night, and I think I got grounded for a month. I've nerve* been arrested for anything, though. Which is nice.
What was your first job? Pizza Hut. Making minimum wage, which was $4.25/hr back then. I started there during the summer between my soph & jr year. Manager bitch had me close every night, and I ended up quitting that winter because it was making me tired as shit at school every day. The thing I'll remember most about that job is that the mgr & asst mgr bolth* smoked like chimneys. And they would smoke in the back area where we answered the phones and made all the dough. It was grate. The best thing about that job was that I basically brought home a Bigfoot pizza every night.
Favorite sports moment? I'll name 2. First, my favorite sports moment that didn't involve one of my teams was being at game 7 of the '01 WS. We sat directly above 1st base, about 20 rows from the top of the stadium. It went from being so quiet you could hear a pin drop when Soriano hit the go ahead HR, to going absolutely bonkers when they tied it in the 9th against Rivera. My favorite sports moment involving one of my favorite teams was when tOSU won the national title in '03. I was at a bar right across from the stadium that was full of OSU people. When Dorsey threw the ball into the ground to end the game, that was the loudest place I've ever been.
Are you afraid of anything? It's been mentioned here before, but the one thing I'm deathly afraid of is, um, death. Shit keeps me up at night sometimes when I'm thinking about it, and I'm just laying there and my mind wanders all over the place. It's a weird feeling.
Any regrets? I was thinking no at first. But I think the one regret I have is something I mentioned here last week. Having sexy time with the married chick when I was younger. Her family ended up finding out and they ended up getting divorced. Worse* decision I ever made, hands down. That is the only play I'd like to do over.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino