Friday, December 28, 2012

FISCAL THESE NUTS IN YOU MOUTH BITCH

Does anyone really care about Week 17 picks?  If so I'll make them in the post.

I like the smell of weld.

My New Years resolution is to eat more pierogies and cum inside vagina.

Did I rail on New Years Resoltuions on here or the ol el Pad blog?

Cliff Notes version:  I hate people who make NY resolutions, it's complete shit.

Only thing that changes at midnight is the year.  Your still an asshole, your still fat and you still make poor decisions.  Eat a dick new year resolution bitches.

Remember that conversation we had a few times where I was amazed at things like, I wonder who the first guy to pull a lobster out of the ocean and eat it.  Food makes so much sense to me I have already decided that if shit continues downhill in this industry that I will go to Culinary School and become a chef.  NS.

Did I ever tell you the story that I almost enlisted in the Marine corp?

I said to my family the other day, after the huge xmas eve feast, why don't we eat more of this shit throughout the year and my uncle said because then today wouldn't be so special. 

That guy drops gems for days.  What a dude.  Closest thing to a father figure in my life.

Crazy too you think, shit I'm 32, soon to be 33 and the need for a dad in your life is stronger than ever.  you'd think as you got older it fade away.  It doesn't.

Man I am real talkative this morning.

I was readint a thesis on the subprime mortgage crash and how it correlates to the Fiscal Cliff -it's by a charting expert - normally I hate charts because they are tunnel vision but this was pretty good.

No clue why I just mentioned that.

I'm 88% sure I will be at Super Bowl 2014.

I tried to count how many beers I drank this year, like approx.  Gave up.  What a dumb idea.

Jessica Rabbit, Snow White, Sleeping Beauty.  Fuck Marry Kill.

GO!

303 comments:

1 – 200 of 303   Newer›   Newest»
El Padrino said...

for the record

I'd fuck the living shit out of Jessica Rabbit.

Kill Sleeping Beauty, lazy bitch.

And Marry Snow White.

El Padrino said...

"Wal-Mart (WMT) tested same-day delivery service this holiday season in 5 markets as Amazon (AMZN) hinted at expanding its same-day shipping service. eBay's (EBAY) Now iPhone app - available in NYC and San Francisco - allows customers to choose items from physical stores and have them dropped off same-day at an apartment, office, coffee shop, or bar (no health club?) for a $5 fee. "People want it now, they want it fast," says eBay spokeswoman Lina Shustarovich. One issue: Profitability. Does anybody remember Kozmo.com and Webvan?"


e-commerce suiteness

BLUE said...

order it, drop it off

sounds so simple

BLUE said...

how the fuck does a 2-14 team have 5 probowl players?

BLUE said...

that's a good indication that the coach is a baffoon for one

Keef said...

The air around a lightning strike is five times hotter than the sun.

El Padrino said...

pro bowl sucks

Meiz said...

The lady cop that got kilt this week was killed by her husband. What a doooosh.

Meiz said...

They should just make the Pro Bowl an award to give out. All-NFC, All-AFC, and All-Pro.

El Padrino said...

heard that before

Keef said...

was so pissed off at work last night. my boss is some young chick who has no idea about time management and she never gets out of there on time, and a lot of times we get stuck there late too because she's a moron. Last night, she's asking us to do shit when we're supposed to be leaving. We finally get out of there at 12:30. I live < a mile from work. So I pull out into the road and get stopped at the red light. Light turns green and I make a left. I am pissed off so I gun it. I don't squeal my tires but I take off quickly. I get up to between 50-55 mph, limit is 45. I go about 1/4 and turn into my neighborhood. As I'm making my turn, I see headlights behind me coming up pretty quickly, and then the blue/red lights come on. I'm like fuck. I pull over and dude comes up and says can you guess why I pulled you over. I said yeah I took off from that light quickly. He said yeah there are like 3 or 4 things you did. You made a wide turn because you didn't turn into the first lane. You were speeding. And you turned pretty fast into this neighborhood. Why did you do all that? I said "work let me out late and I have to work in a few hours and I'm pissed. Bad excuse, I know." He takes license, insurance, registration, goes back to his car. Comes back 2 minutes later and says I'm gonna do you a yahuge favor and let you go. But slow down.

El Padrino said...

are the Clippers serious

El Padrino said...

"Comes back 2 minutes later and says I'm gonna do you a yahuge favor and let you go."

fucking suite

Keef said...

he must of* heard about my cop interview

El Padrino said...

you sucked his dick didn't you

Meiz said...

And cmk is preggers. Tensions are high in the as.hold.

Meiz said...

OH. Did I tell yous what one of the local police departments does to tavern-goers?


The Port Washington police mark cars' tail lights that are parked around the bars with a white marker so they can identify who to pull over for DUI/OWI. Fucking bullshit and illegal as fuck.

El Padrino said...

steal a cab

done and done

Keef said...

And cmk is preggers. Tensions are high in the as.hold.



That's about the least stressful thing

Meiz said...

Keith's a seasoned vet with this pregnancy stuff now. Out here letting his head get even bigger.

Keef said...

I made a joke to cmk on xmas that this one doesn't seem any different than the first one. They've both been pretty easy.

El Padrino said...

and she punched you in the face?

BLUE said...

2nd pregnancy seemed way less stressful

already knew what to expect, a lot of familiarity

BLUE said...

weren't runnign to the doctor every 3 days thinking that something was wrong

El Padrino said...

yeah, also the baby itself

you freak out ALOT LESS with #2

almost to the point of neglect

the first one you listened to their breath at night to make sure they are alive

Keef said...

Police searched for a woman who killed a man by pushing him in front of a subway train and released surveillance video Friday of her running away from the station.




hayzoos

Keef said...

and she punched you in the face?



She knew I was joking

El Padrino said...

chicken nugget FATHER

El Padrino said...

that article is pretty damned good

El Padrino said...

Nick Stahl, who played Yellow Bastard in Sin City, and John Connor in the Terminator movie they shouldn't have made, was arrested in Los Angeles for jerking it in a Hollywood adult store last night.

EL PICKS said...

"Comes back 2 minutes later and says I'm gonna do you a yahuge favor and let you go. But slow down."



^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


cool cop, I like to see honesty rewarded

EL PICKS said...

oops, ^^^^^^^^^ was meant for EPs "fucking suite" comment

El Padrino said...

off ze grid

Keef said...

hurry back

BLUE said...

did i tell everyone my story about getting pulled over in Idaho whilst at my Grandpa's 90th birthday?

Keef said...

Did I tell you guys about my niece pulling over a cop?

/jug

BLUE said...

if I did, you can skip this comment



Was driving from the airport to my grandpa's house, had my sister in the rental car. I was in the left lane just driving along talking. Came up on a cop and slowed down to the speed limit. ended up passing the cop because he was going below the limit. He pulls me over. Asks me how fast I was going. Gave him the standard, between 65 and 70. He gives me some grief saying i kept speeding up and slowing down, was as high as 75...etc. Notices i'm from Colorado, asks why i'm in town. Did I just leave the airport...etc. Is this a rental car. Then asks for my rental agreement, which is in the trunk. He follows me back to the trunk with his hand on his gun. I give him the rental agreement and he tells me to set the car on cruise control at 65, and I won't have any problems, lets me go.

Meiz said...

My niece got sent to the bing for pushing yay for the last 5 years.

/jug

Keef said...

s driving from the airport to my grandpa's house, had my sister in the rental car. I was in the left lane just driving along talking. Came up on a cop and slowed down to the speed limit. ended up passing the cop because he was going below the limit. He pulls me over. Asks me how fast I was going. Gave him the standard, between 65 and 70. He gives me some grief saying i kept speeding up and slowing down, was as high as 75...etc. Notices i'm from Colorado, asks why i'm in town. Did I just leave the airport...etc. Is this a rental car. Then asks for my rental agreement, which is in the trunk. He follows me back to the trunk with his hand on his gun. I give him the rental agreement and he tells me to set the car on cruise control at 65, and I won't have any problems, lets me go.




Similar thing happened to my niece. But she was going 76.

/jug

BLUE said...

I told my sister that I didn't know it was illegal to speed up and slow down on the freeway

Keef said...

I told my sister that I didn't know it was illegal to speed up and slow down on the freeway




Maybe more suspicious than illegal

Keef said...

Did you make sure that cop was fired?

EL PICKS said...

"I will go to Culinary School and become a chef. NS."


be careful (ns); those are the worse schools as far as tuition, job openings after graduation, and starting positions/salaries go IMO


-from what I hear, most graduate with six figure debt working as line cooks at around $10/hr

Keef said...

most graduate with six figure debt


Who cares? Just don't pay it.

/hsilob

BLUE said...

"from what I hear, most graduate with six figure debt working as line cooks at around $10/hr"

then they really need that 2% holiday

EL PICKS said...

my favorite cops were the Sconnie cops at Rockfest

I drank completely shamelessly in front of the police officers, walking around swigging from my bottle of JD while looking about 12 years old.

No officer ever approached me *unless* I was wearing my Chris Carter jersey. The 3 times I wore it over the years, pretty much the exact same scenario went down

1) cop: you don't look 21, do you have identification

2) drunk kod: back at the tent...you know, fuck Chris Carter (taking off jersey) Packers are going to stomp us again

3) cop: you seem old enough, careful wearing that jersey around here*


*that was good advice on the whole; I got accosted by a Packer fan in his 30s missing half his teeth, I'm pretty certain we were about to fight when I refused to take off the jersey, until a much larger and older guy wearing a Vikings hat came and intervened...I guess that Pack fan only wanted to pick a fight with a 115 lb 16 y/o

EL PICKS said...

I would have absolutely whooped his ass for the record though (ns)

BLUE said...

watched 21 jump street last night

it was funny enuff

Meiz said...

"I got accosted by a Packer fan in his 30s missing half his teeth, I'm pretty certain we were about to fight when I refused to take off the jersey, until a much larger and older guy wearing a Vikings hat came and intervened"


People used to always fuck with me in the Moss jersey. I was a YA-HUUGE asshole though. It was hilarious. To this day, I still love fucking with Packers fans. I get a monster kick out of making their dumbasses blood boil over stupid football.

tem said...

Traveling back today. Hope it is smooth.

Keef said...

I was a YA-HUUGE asshole though.


was?

BLUE said...

"was?"

kettle

BLUE said...

"Traveling back today. Hope it is smooth."

hope you have time to beat Utah so we can get this train a movin

tem said...

Fuck JR. Kill Sw. Marry SB

tem said...

Wife would sleep almost as Much as me.

tem said...

Utah will win.

Keef said...

hope you have time to beat Utah so we can get this train a movin



twhnbs

tem said...

I should be able to play tonight

BLUE said...

if you're not sleeping

tem said...

True

Jorts couldn't save us! said...

"My New Years resolution is to eat more pierogies and cum inside vagina."

sas Keith didn't comment about ep eating cum

Keef said...

I just figured it meant LP wanted another kid

tem said...

Cmlp will let him put a pierogi in her vagina?

BLUE said...

like most New years resolutions, that one won't last a week

Keef said...

My niece always follows through with her New Years resolutions

/jug

EL PICKS said...

so, what's pissing me off today you wonder?

oh, you weren't. Oh well, this


"President Vladimir Putin on Friday signed a law banning Americans from adopting Russian children"


making a political point by directly harming tens of thousands of your own country's children, fuck you Putin

EL PICKS said...

"Girl dies in Meeker County sledding accident

The girl had been sledding down a hill with other children in the backyard when her sled hit a raised stump and she was ejected from the sled, according to Meeker County Sheriff Jeff Norlin."


fuck man; I don't know if I could ever sleep if I was a parent

El Padrino said...

I would have absolutely whooped his ass for the record though (ns)

lol

El Padrino said...

i would trade Zack Wheeler in a god damn second for Justin Upton

EL PICKS said...

"lol"


yeah, I'm still more than a little disappointed about that intervention. Crowd of pack fans was cheering him on, I was taunting the crowd that a little drunk kid could beat up your average Pack fan, and I was about to demonstrate that for the group

El Padrino said...

do you know karate?

hakido?

Keef said...

he's pretty good with a bow staff

El Padrino said...

i believe he can kick ass but there has to be a reason, he has to have a skill set he relies on

Meiz said...

"was?"

Am

Meiz said...

"i believe he can kick ass but there has to be a reason, he has to have a skill set he relies on"


Angry orangutang

El Padrino said...

Franziska Hansen is a German woman with large breasts. Like, 38DD large. Tim Schmidt is a German lawyer Franziska dated. He is also a man obviously not capable of handling a woman of ample proportions, as he had her charged recently with “attempted murder with a weapon” — the in question weapon being her mountainous mams. Yes, Schmidt claims Hansen tried to smother him to death with her prodigious palookas.


“The incident happened in May – we were having sex…She was sitting on me naked and I was kissing her breasts. Suddenly she grabbed my head and pushed between her breasts with all of her force…I couldn’t breathe any more, I must have turned blue. I couldn’t tear myself free and I thought I was going to die.”

Keef said...

orangutan

EL PICKS said...

"do you know karate?

hakido?"



-nah, it was from tennis actually (ns); back in those days, I went to the gym 7 days a week (4 to lift weights, 3 to work on cardio) and played about 3 hours of tennis every day on top of that. Did that consistently from 9th-12th grade.

-so while I had no fighting training, by around 1996 I was freakishly strong (set 3 HS records in the weight-room in 97...at a large public city school no less), quicker than anybody I'd ever met, and in top shape cardio-wise. As you guys probably have learnt by now, I got a lot of fight (and some crazy) in me as well

-of course that was circa 94-97, between smoking, car accident and RA, 99% of the populace could completely kick my ass these days

Keef said...

Was that comment from kod or LP?

El Padrino said...

there are some similarities

ha

El Padrino said...

funny, i was a freak in high school too

EL PICKS said...

"there are some similarities

ha"


aitch, for sure

Keef said...

My niece is faster & stronger than all of you

/jug

El Padrino said...

love this jug niece era

Meiz said...

"funny, i was a freak in high school too"

Let me tell you about this basketballer I used to know

/Meiz

Keef said...

ha

EL PICKS said...

"funny, i was a freak in high school too"

"Let me tell you about this basketballer I used to know"


in the wink of a young girls eye......



Bruce is awful

/tp


El Padrino said...

i was thinking when readin all this tebow crap

how often do you think Elway sits back in his office chair and belly laugh when he thinks of the trade he made with the Jets

2-3 times a day no?

EL PICKS said...

Albert's always sincere, he's the sensitive type; his intentions are clear, he wants to be well-liked


going through some old CC gems here this afternoon, lots of good stuff



tem said...

Leg 1 done. Leg 2 delayed.

Meiz said...

I'm gonna jam some Muse and probably Good Kid M.A.D.D. City on the way up to the cabin.

El Padrino said...

you people and the layovers

tem said...

Waitress at itasca in airport says sprite has caffeine but iced tea doesn't. MN is odd.

tem said...

If I could fly direct I would but Bismarck doesn't fly direct to many places. Minneapolis Denver and Vegas. Maybe phoenix. And I think Jamestown or devils lake.

tem said...

Layover was going to be 1 hrs. Now it's 2.

Keef said...

Leg 1 done. Leg 2 delayed.



Whatta gotta UFC picks

tem said...

Dos Santos cruises

Keef said...

Suite. I bet NY Guy that Cain will win

Meiz said...

"Waitress at itasca in airport says sprite has caffeine but iced tea doesn't. MN is odd."

Maybe that why she's waitressing in an airport.

BLUE said...

"Layover was going to be 1 hrs. Now it's 2."

less NCAA time

Meiz said...

*Cue some smart-mouth reply stating how airport waitresses make a killing.


::looks at Keith::

Keef said...

If tem doesn't play NCAA tonight, I'm gonna auto advance


(S)

Keef said...

::looks at Keith::



Why would I say anything like that?

ns

tem said...

Joe Lauzon vs Jim Miller
Miller
Tim Boetsch vs Constantinos
Tim
Alan Belcher vs Yushin
Yushin
Chris Leben vs Derek Brunson
Chris
Brad Pickett vs Eddie
Eddie
Byron Bloodworth vs Erik
Bloodworth
Michael Johnson vs Myles
Myles...eteo
Todd Duffee vs Phil de
Todd
Chris Cariaso vs John Moraga
Chris


tem said...

Suite. I bet NY Guy that Cain will win


You're welcome

tem said...

Ncaa time should be the same. Ill leave the airport after rush hour so I'll get home earlier.

Keef said...

Ill leave the airport after rush hour so I'll get home earlier.



Smat

EL PICKS said...

"Waitress at itasca in airport says sprite has caffeine but iced tea doesn't. MN is odd."



sounds like she's from Wisconsin


s

EL PICKS said...

"itasca in airport"


cool, I work in Itasca

tem said...

Is it an Italian grille?

EL PICKS said...

yes, Italian grill/county

EL PICKS said...

also home to the other, less famous, Grand Rapids


(like Bloomington, or Detroit, or Rochester, Minnesota)

Keef said...

Quarterback Terrelle Pryor will make his first NFL start Sunday in the place of injured Carson Palmer, Oakland Raiders coach Dennis Allen said Friday, according to the team's Twitter page.

El Padrino said...

walll

tem said...

Still delayed. Fucking plane

Keef said...

more ufc picks meow

El Padrino said...

addict

EL PICKS said...

"Still delayed. Fucking plane"


I don't like the Mpls airport much, flights always seems to be delayed, and IMO, it's gotten much worse since Delta took over Northwest

EL PICKS said...

plus, no creative smoking options, like Denver or Tampa....killer

tem said...

I did all or Damn near all. Who did I miss?

tem said...

Plane was way late is getting here. They should have extra planes.

Keef said...

I did all or Damn near all. Who did I miss?




My reader missed that comment

tem said...

Hellion kid 4 rows in front of me. SAS he is not next to me.

tem said...

He already threw a tantrum when a lady tried to move him out of her seat. Apparently he gets the window regardless of what his ticket says.

tem said...

His mom or whatever keeps saying they will throw him off the plane. He does not care.

Keef said...

My niece gets the window whenever she flies because she has her own plane


/jug

tem said...

This kid just takes what he wants. He is living the dream.

tem said...

Now he was tricked into wanting the aisle seat.

tem said...

He is kic king the shit out of the seat in front of him.

BLUE said...

ah, bgblue is on the plane with you

El Padrino said...

have mercy tem, kids suck on airplanes no matter how good they are

El Padrino said...

piece

Keef said...

Jug's niece is an angel on the plane

Keef said...

She has the Toys R Us store at her disposal

Jugdish said...

wall

Jugdish said...

Payton stays with saints

tem said...

Until Goodell voids the deal

tem said...

Utah Qb completed more to me than he did his own teammates.

tem said...

38 unanswered

BLUE said...

champion tem

Jugdish said...

My niece scored 40 unanswered in our league

BLUE said...

now we have to go through all the jokester shit like job offers and 5 weeks of recruiting

Jugdish said...

Got the flu...it sucks...woe

tem said...

I recruited enough. I only have 1 scholarship left.

Keef said...

I'll advance when I get home

Keef said...

Blue is up for coaching carousel

BLUE said...

tem is up for coaching carousel

tem said...

Coaching carousel is dumb

Keef said...

Yes

BLUE said...

can we just skip the carousel...nobody is going to change jobs

Keef said...

Ok

Keef said...

Players leaving

BLUE said...

Just got my hair cut by a Kate upton look alike, not the body but looked just like her

Keef said...

Fucking wava

tem said...

Gene Smith will be a huge bust.

Keef said...

I had like 28 pts on wava. Fuck them

tem said...

Now I wish I would have taken the auburn job

tem said...

Picking wava was dumb on your part.

BLUE said...

meiz has like 28 guys leaving

BLUE said...

done with the convincing to stay.

lets keep that train a rollin

tem said...

Cuse whipped then the last two times they played.

Keef said...

I got offered the auburn OC yob

Keef said...

Did tem convince players yet?

tem said...

Tem had nobody to convince

tem said...

I should have taken the ms state job. Fucking wava.

BLUE said...

somehow I had the first shot at that job

tem said...

Alphabetical order

BLUE said...

maybe boise state should move into the SEC

Keef said...

Transfer requests

Keef said...

Doesn't look like anyone has any

Keef said...

Week 1 recruiting

tem said...

I hAve 1 scholarship left.

tem said...

UFC pick looking good as usual

Keef said...

I'm ready to advance to week 2 when blue is done

Keef said...

My bowl picks sucked today

BLUE said...

i'm ready to advance to week2

Keef said...

Went golfing this morning. It was fucking cold

BLUE said...

Sorry EP

BLUE said...

Broncos better not fuck this up

Keef said...

We're on week 2 now

Keef said...

I'm recruiting a dude from my hike school, just because

BLUE said...

I'm done with week 2 recruiting

BLUE said...

Megaton came up just shy of 2k


Keith was right, I was wrong

Keef said...

I was?

Keef said...

On to week 3 now

BLUE said...

I made a comment before the season that megaton could get 2k yards this year, and you were highly skeptical and offered to bet, but I wisely declined

BLUE said...

Broncos too seed in afc

BLUE said...

Cmon vikes

BLUE said...

Top seed*

Keef said...

I have 3 scholarships left

Keef said...

I made a comment before the season that megaton could get 2k yards this year, and you were highly skeptical and offered to bet, but I wisely declined



Oh, nice. You were almost bluestradamus

Keef said...

Good game in Minni

Keef said...

Go Pack Go!

BLUE said...

I'm done with week 3

Keef said...

I gotta see that show where the celebrities jump off a high dive



S

BLUE said...

Haha fuck cutler

Keef said...

Sucks to finish 9 yards short of the record

BLUE said...

Shoulda scored a TD

Aitch said...

Congrats, Kod

Aitch said...

Funny part about the post game interview with Purple Jesus was that he had no clue he had come so close.

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino