Tuesday, August 07, 2012

73

So this morning has kind of gotten away from me. It is already 9:30 and I haven't accomlpished much. This work stuff is starting to get real. I am not sure I like it. I've always thought of myself as someone who would rather lean to the life side on the work/life balance, but that work side is hard to keep down. I need a stick of some kind. A work beater off stick. That sounds funny. I bet El Pad beats off at work or at least has once. If this was an El Pad post the next sentence would be "where is the strangest place you ever beat off?"

Hey, mom-in law tem visits next week...Wierd change from beating off to the mom-in law, but I swear it makes sense, just bear with me. Anyway, mom-in law is visiting next week which happens to be the fertile days for cmtem. So I get to bang cmtem while the mom-in law is in the house. We are strategizing this and everything. Apparently if we do it in the master closet it provides the most walls between us and where she sleeps. It is funny to hear cmtem plan out this shit. I suspect the married guys know what I am talking about and the other people give me a ::blank stare::

Pirates won, so that was nice. Other sports news happened but I don't know what really.

Sunday I dropped my cell phone and shattered the screen. It still works, but it is all cracked and shit. Oh well. I also hit the house with my car. Came into the garage too tight. Rookie mistake. Wasn't paying attention and scratched up the car on the stone outside. The house is OK. Had to paint a piece of wood trim that got scratched, but otherwise not a problem. Car is scratched up pretty bad. I believe I will be able to fix it myself. We'll see. People at work wondered why I wasn't pissed. I told them it was because I did it and I have nobody to blame, so who am I going to be pissed at? Myself? I have bigger things to be pissed at myself about.

Women in the office need to chill the fuck out. Everyone knows this.

The pond near my house has huge frogs. Like mutant somebitches. Like BattleToads. Anyone remember that? I bet Tyler does. And Meiz. Not Keith.

Why do people think that color coding a spreadsheet makes it better? Color ink costs money. Quit making things color that aren't color. And why do they put the company name and logo at the top of the page? I know what company I work for. If you give me a work paper I know it is for our company. Why the fuck would you give me a McDonalds work paper? I know it is a BEAST, but still, we don't work there. I am going to start putting other companies' logos on my stuff.

My tempermental Ipod is working today. Good for it.

When you swaddle a kid is he in there so tight that it is OK to throw him around like a football?

I dislike it when artsy people have a take on society. I don't kow why but I think it is because the only artsy people I talk to are massive stoners and they can't form a sentence too well.

First naked lady I ever saw was that tattoo on my uncle's arm....name that toon*.


Does anyone know if it is legal to walk around town in full riot gear? Shield, helmet, vest. No gun, just the protective stuff. I might get some of that and walk around. The shield would be cool. I could stop in the middle of the sidewalk and make people walk around me. If I also had a cup for donations I bet people would give me money.










257 comments:

1 – 200 of 257   Newer›   Newest»
El Padrino said...

this post is sort of insane

i like it

El Padrino said...

just fuck in your bedroom, it's your bedroom, in your house and it's your pussy you own everything

El Padrino said...

"I also hit the house with my car. Came into the garage too tight. Rookie mistake."

Shaking My Head

Keef said...

Yeah, whatta gotta fuck in the closet for? Is cmtem a screamer?

Goddman Pirates said...

"Is cmtem a screamer?"

that depends on my performance.

El Padrino said...

interesting

El Padrino said...

keef you get in the office this early?

El Padrino said...

"Man Arrested For Wearing Superhero Outfit To HOME DEPOT..."

not sure about the shield and shit
tem

ask kod

could be subjective with public nusiance laws

El Padrino said...

alex morgan goal was awesome

revenge time

Aitch said...

" Does anyone know if it is legal to walk around town in full riot gear? Shield, helmet, vest. No gun, just the protective stuff."

I'm about 97.3% sure that it is illegal to wear a bullet proof vest. I seem to remember some athlete or celebrity being pulled over and one of the charges was for possessing a bullet proof vest.

Actually it may have been Mo Clarrett but I'm not positive.

Aitch said...

" alex morgan goal was awesome"

^^^^^^^

Perfect header.

Aitch said...

The Canadians are all whining that the handball shouldn't have been called.

El Padrino said...

Clarett with one R

El Padrino said...

fuck canada

Goddman Pirates said...

can't wear a vest? wtf?

Mize said...

"The Canadians are all whining that the handball shouldn't have been called."


Aren't they complaining more about the 6 second call?

Goddman Pirates said...

canadians are nice, they don't complain.

El Padrino said...

Lincoln

Goddman Pirates said...

heard a chick yesterday at the courthouse cafeteria asking for sal-mon on her salad.

love it when the l gets pronounced.

El Padrino said...

was she jamaican?

Goddman Pirates said...

no, she was black

El Padrino said...

so maybe

kod said...

"could be subjective with public nusiance laws"


yeah, that's my take; public nuisance, disorderly conduct, etc. would govern; those are usually quite subjective


each state has different laws on those issues, so it would depend on the particular state it happens in as well

El Padrino said...

i see the niners taking a step back, i'm thinking 10-6

El Padrino said...

but tem, in temhio it HAS to be legal to walk around with bulletproof vest

Goddman Pirates said...

i could drop a "don't you know who I am?!?!?"

that would surely help my cause.

My Boo said...

they didn't charge the batman shooter for wearing full swat gear...just murder and attempted murder

My Boo said...

he didn't even get a disturbing the peace charge

Keef said...

Pademelons thump their feet to warn each other of danger.

Keef said...

keef you get in the office this early?



I was at home. I get to work about 8:00

Tyler said...

"Apparently if we do it in the master closet it provides the most walls between us and where she sleeps. It is funny to hear cmtem plan out this shit."

I went to Chicago to visit my sister the other weekend and we almost had to do this during the trip. And we were staying in their guest room which is right next to their bedroom. Turns out this week is the week. But it was close.

Tyler said...

BattleToads!!!

Tyler said...

Yes, I remember BattleToads. That shit was the hardest NES game ever.

El Padrino said...

bunch of loud fuckers on LOV

El Padrino said...

that indoor speed bike racing event was odd, i couldnt stop watching though

Keef said...

cmk is a prude. She won't fuck if there is a person within 3 houses of us.

El Padrino said...

lol

Keef said...

it's really grate

Tyler said...

Do you have to go door-to-door to check first? Seems like a lot of work.

Keef said...

and there is no "planning" it. if I ever bring up the subject, she gets all weirded out, like we're 9 years old or something

El Padrino said...

no group vacations for keef

El Padrino said...

i wonder how aaron ross feels about his wife being faster than him

Tyler said...

Perfect timing; I just got an email from CMTyler, TODAY IS THE DAY.

El Padrino said...

brigette nielson

wft

El Padrino said...

Perfect timing; I just got an email from CMTyler, TODAY IS THE DAY.

congrats

Keef said...

Do you have to go door-to-door to check first? Seems like a lot of work


i call 5-0 and have them evacuate the neighborhood

El Padrino said...

T:

Combat boots, legs in the air = Boy

Tyler said...

I did not know about the combat boots. I will stop by the military surplus store after work.

Keef said...

brigitte with an I

El Padrino said...

brigItte

Keef said...

I thoat* we were pulling the goalie this week. Then on Sunday I'm at the store and cmk calls me and axes me to pick up her pill prescription. I axed her if she understood what those pills do

El Padrino said...

i have some Amaretto at my desk

will mix with coke after lunch

El Padrino said...

Man sets fire to home by microwaving socks, undies...

Mize said...

This country station plays Bon Jovi. WFT.

My Boo said...

fuck all that noise..

I just tolt cmblue that the more you do it the more likely you are to get pregnant. So while we were trying, i got to have sex pretty much every day.

she tried that ovulation bullshit, and i told her that was an old wives tale, and the only way to increase the probability was to increase the output.

I think I created a flow chart and a powerpoint...i could email it to you guys if you want.

My Boo said...

"Man sets fire to home by microwaving socks, undies..."


::nodding head::

/tem

El Padrino said...

"This country station plays Bon Jovi. WFT."

they made some country songs an album or two ago

El Padrino said...

i want a hamburger

Keef said...

i want a nap

Tyler said...

So while we were trying, i got to have sex pretty much every day.

That's what we've been doing since Friday, but TODAY IS THE DAY. She has some chart from a book she's reading.

Tyler said...

But email that to me if you have my email. My first and last name @gmail.com

El Padrino said...

enjoy it while you can T

shit gets real after

Keef said...

That's what we've been doing since Friday, but TODAY IS THE DAY


maybe you already scored

El Padrino said...

so loctche is really dumb i guess

Keef said...

Lochte with a chte

Tyler said...

shit gets real after

Yeah, I know. I've been real sad lately.

Keef said...

like, crying?

Tyler said...

so loctche is really dumb i guess

^^^^^^^^

YES. Apparently to be an elite male swimmer for the US-AND-A, you have to be a extra-large bag of douche.

Tyler said...

like, crying?

No. Just depressed. Work has been really miserable lately, so that has not been helping.

Keef said...

Jets are fighting again

Keef said...

No. Just depressed


Drink. A lot.

/LP

El Padrino said...

that team is going nowhere FAST

Tyler said...

Drink. A lot.

/LP

Already happening.

Tyler said...

That was the 73rd comment on the post titled 73. Who will get #146?

Tyler said...

146th comment would be 48% of Spearta or however Keith spells it.

Tyler said...

3 is still the magic number.

Keef said...

1 is still the loneliest number

El Padrino said...

Already happening.

welcome

Tyler said...

So what's the over/under on Rex Ryan getting fired? Week 4?

Tyler said...

Or after Week 11 when they come out of a bye and lose to the Seahawks followed by a loss to the Rams?

Goddman Pirates said...

"That shit was the hardest NES game ever."

^

El Padrino said...

no firing

woody loves rex and even though it was somewhat fluky he did bring the Jets to two title games and they still have a pretty good defense

next year the fire rex watch will begin

El Padrino said...

unless they win the super bowl

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

Keef said...

Both New Jersey teams will be home watching the playoffs

Goddman Pirates said...

that power point slide will be key.

Goddman Pirates said...

i may or may not have botched doing it on THE DAY last month just so i could increase the odds of another month of sexy time.

Goddman Pirates said...

i didn't feel well that day.

El Padrino said...

Both New York teams will be home watching the playoffs


maybe

Mize said...

"unless they win the super bowl"


Minus well say the Lions could win the super bowl, too.

Keef said...

LIONS will also be home watching the playoffs

Goddman Pirates said...

lions have a tough division.

bears and packers should be good.

vikings might even get off to a fast start.

Keef said...

I just got a 161 point word on wwf

Goddman Pirates said...

vsJacksonville
@Indianapolis
vsSan Francisco
@Detroit
vsTennessee
@Washington
vsArizona
vsTampa Bay

could be a 6-2 start.

Mize said...

"LIONS will also be home watching the playoffs"

No shit.

My Boo said...

ADP won't be 100% at the start of the season, will be tough for the vikings this year

Goddman Pirates said...

even without ADP that first 8 is not too tough.

Goddman Pirates said...

you can put their schedule as such:

blaine gabbert
andrew luck
alex smith
matt stafford
jake locker
RG 3
kevin kolb
josh freeman

kod said...

oooh, concert night tonight: acts include

The Turtles
The Grassroots
Mickey Dolenz (Monkees lead singer)
Gary Puckett and the Union Gap



wow, I'm old for 33

Goddman Pirates said...

although kevin kolb will probably be john skelton by that point.

El Padrino said...

"could be a 6-2 start."

throw in 4 losses vs pack/bears

Keef said...

They'll lose to Jax, SF, LIONS, Tennessee, & Warshington*

El Padrino said...

Lions >>> Vikes

Keef said...

although kevin kolb will probably be john skelton by that point.



Kevin Kolb will be John Skelton by 2 days ago

kod said...

"ADP won't be 100% at the start of the season, will be tough for the vikings this year"


-yeah, although not a terrible year to have him start off gimpy, still in rebuilding mode and even with him 100% healthy all year, very doubtful we'd do better than 8-8

El Padrino said...

"I just got a 161 point word on wwf"

fuckign umiqua'd

kod said...

"Lions >>> Vikes"


significantly

Goddman Pirates said...

"They'll lose to Jax, SF, LIONS, Tennessee, & Warshington*"


i could see them beating Jax, Lions, TN and Warshington*

won't be shocked if they lose, but none of those games are too scary.

El Padrino said...

your face is scary

Goddman Pirates said...

Lions >>> Vikes but at the end of the day they are still the Lions and they still lose games for no reason.

@ detroit is probably a loss, but it isn't like they are @ packers

Keef said...

fuckign umiqua'd


close

Goddman Pirates said...

did you go to the dentist to learnt* a word?

Keef said...

Yeah. It was barghest. I don't know what it means. But it was on a double word & triple word, and used all 7 letters.

Keef said...

I just googled it. It's something in Dungeons & Dragons. Of course. FML

Keef said...

FML was for H

Goddman Pirates said...

it is a bad news dog goblin

Goddman Pirates said...

you can call ugly people barghests

Goddman Pirates said...

i too had to dictionary.com it. i hadn't heard of it before.

My Boo said...

despite what all the celebrity blogs say..i'd totally bone Jennifer Love Hewitt

Keef said...

I did read this one blog that said that you would not bone her

My Boo said...

when she was younger she was "eat a burrito out of her ass" doable...now she's still hot enough, but we'd probably go to chipotle before and after the sexytime

El Padrino said...

i would murder j love

Goddman Pirates said...

she is very bonable

El Padrino said...

her tits are still fantastic

Goddman Pirates said...

you can murder her, but don't fuck her if you are related to her /kod

Keef said...

ha

My Boo said...

yeah, and for god's sake don't try and marry her

My Boo said...

because you're already married, and that's not cool

El Padrino said...

capturing bin laden movie

didnt take long

Keef said...

Feck'd up

Tyler said...

FML was for H

Excellent work. Tem - does he get helmet stickers for that?

Tyler said...

Or Tommy Points?

Keef said...

telmet sticker

My Boo said...

saw that bin laden movie promo yesterday.

it's from the guy who wrote the hurt locker, so probably will be really intense

El Padrino said...

i like intense

Keef said...

I like inteepees

/kod

My Boo said...

you know what seriously pisses me off.

the guy who won the 400 meter hurdles last night...he ran for the Dominican Republic. But he was born in NYC, lived most of his life in Southern California, went to USC on a track scholarship...but he's not an american.

fuck that.

My Boo said...

fucking dual citizenship thing is for quakers.

we should count his medal

El Padrino said...

i agree

El Padrino said...

good for the Grenada kid

El Padrino said...

Nicks Will Run Routes Today
He will do so on the side, not with the team as part of practice. Still, a sign of progress in his recovery from a broken foot.


suite

Goddman Pirates said...

it isn't in season so no telmet stickers. good practice though.

My Boo said...

you don't get telmet stickers in camp?

Goddman Pirates said...

"But he was born in NYC"

should be a citizen then.

unless the dominican made him choose.

Goddman Pirates said...

"you don't get telmet stickers in camp?"

nope. you don't see tOSU players walking about for game 1 with a bunch of helmet stickers.

Goddman Pirates said...

oh you are saying he has dual citizenship but the olympics made him pick a team to be on?

Goddman Pirates said...

why did he choose DR over USA?

Keef said...

He'd be a bigger hero in DR if he won than in US

Keef said...

nope. you don't see tOSU players walking about for game 1 with a bunch of helmet stickers.



He asked about telmet stickers

My Boo said...

also it's probably easier to qualify

My Boo said...

"oh you are saying he has dual citizenship but the olympics made him pick a team to be on?"

yeah, i've never seen anybody run with a suit split down the middle.

although that might not be a bad idea

My Boo said...

since he's a dual citizen, he should get a gold for each country.

El Padrino said...

job market is still the pits

Goddman Pirates said...

your face is the pits

El Padrino said...

The Peach Pit?

My Boo said...

fucking 90210

My Boo said...

dumervil not being charged for brandishing a weapon.

BOOM!

El Padrino said...

aly raisman has a fat ass is she old enough?

El Padrino said...

she got the cool parents too

Keef said...

18

El Padrino said...

bgep sits indian style in front of the tv and watches the gymnastics

when i see that i start to day dream about sitting in the stands watching her flip around

El Padrino said...

18

barely legal

My Boo said...

My girls watched the gymnastics, they like the beam.

They were way more intrigued with teh swimming though because they can actually do that already

My Boo said...

and they loved missy franklin...

of course she's all over TV here, lives in a neighborhood near us, so it's all anyone wants to talk about

Keef said...

when i see that i start to day dream about sitting in the stands watching her flip around



And some creep will be all "bglp has a fat ass is she old enough?"

My Boo said...

fucking perverts

Keef said...

bgep sits indian style 6" in front of the tv and watches the gymnastics


*fized

El Padrino said...

And some creep will be all "bglp has a fat ass is she old enough?"

just ruined the whole thing

El Padrino said...

"They were way more intrigued with teh swimming though because they can actually do that already"

blue has a lap pool in his house

El Padrino said...

this meeting is going to absolutely suck asshole

El Padrino said...

Season five of the Next Iron Chef is called The Next Iron Chef: Redemption, and by redemption that means bringing in people from seasons past. The fate of these chefs is to return every year until they finally win. Here's the lineup: Nate Appleman, Amanda Freitag, Eric Greenspan, Jehangir Mehta, Elizabeth Falkner, Alex Guarnaschelli, Spike Mendelsohn, Tim Love, and Marcel Vigneron. What, no Marcus Samuelsson? Also because it's trendy, there'll be an online component to figure out who will be in the tenth slot. The people duking it out online are Duskie Estes, Robert Trevino, Lee Anne Wong, and Madison Cowan. Alton Brown returns as host; the show premieres Sunday, November 4th.

Goddman Pirates said...

i like how you explained redemption.

El Padrino said...

TODAY WE SPELL REDMEPTION R-O-N

Keef said...

close enough

My Boo said...

"i like how you explained redemption."

looks like a cnp to me

My Boo said...

"close enough"

now that was a mispelt word

Aitch said...

" woody loves rex"

Untrue.

Goddman Pirates said...

your face is misspelt

Aitch said...

I expected the Brazilian beach volleyball team to be attractive. I was mistaken.

Goddman Pirates said...

that's too bad

El Padrino said...

amaretto with coke taste like
cherry coke

shit is bomb

El Padrino said...

" woody loves rex"

Untrue."

stick to New England Spahts homo

Keef said...

That was a good nap

Goddman Pirates said...

i need a nap. i only got 8 1/2 hours last night.

Aitch said...

"stick to New England Spahts"

Ok, I'll ignore the conversation that occured between Woody and Tannenbaum in my limo.

"homo"

Says the guy who surprised that people hear make their wives scream...

Aitch said...

*here

El Padrino said...

"Ok, I'll ignore the conversation that occured between Woody and Tannenbaum in my limo."

sounds like you are taking things out of context

Keef said...

Ok, I'll ignore the conversation that occured between Woody and Tannenbaum in my limo.



hahahahaha

Keef said...

O Tannenbaum

El Padrino said...

"Says the guy who surprised that people hear make their wives scream..."

i said interesting

not surprising

KNOWS ENGLISH

Keef said...

Glad to see H is alive. he kind of looks like that rock star that shot up the temple in Sconnie

Aitch said...

"sounds like you are taking things out of context"

Ok

El Padrino said...

fucking gully aitch

El Padrino said...

tannenhill listed 3rd on depth chart

Garrard, Matt Moore, Tanny

El Padrino said...

garrard is fucking hilarity

El Padrino said...

hard knocks tonight

det

Goddman Pirates said...

matt moore will be their starter in at least 3 games this year.

Goddman Pirates said...

i am going home.

El Padrino said...

uni watch has all the new collitch footyball jerseys

Keef said...

tem is the NFL starting quarterback prognasticator

Keef said...

bold

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Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino