Thursday, August 30, 2012


I had my first fantasy draft on Tuesday night, it was an on line Yahoo draft. I prefer live drafts, although I do like that you can knock out a fantasy draft on line in about an hour and a half. I had the 6th pick and ended up with Brady. I took Cruz in the 2nd, Trent Richardson in the 3rd, Dez Bryant in the 4th, and then some other players. I have three more live drafts this weekend and early next week. Good times! I also have tomorrow off...better times! Lp I think they need more farts in movies and TV shows. They are always funny, always! Plus it would make the shows more realistic. A young Shooter McGavin I think Clemens wants to play in the majors this season, even if he does throw just one inning for the Astros, just to push his HOF eligibility back 5 years. That's 5 more years removed from all the steroid stuff and time seems to heal most wounds. By that time most of the guys who were big names through the steroid stuff will have been on the ballot at least one time and he'll get to see it all play out. It would be funny if he did pitch a game for the Astros and ended up testing positive. They have to test him, right? We have "random" tests here in the guard they always randomly seem to happen when someone gets back from a vacation. Weird! Replacement refs should be fun! I don't have anything else to say...GO!

Wednesday, August 29, 2012

incoherent thoughts

For those of you expecting an AFC preview today...well you have another week to wait.

It's coming next wednesday. Next wednesday is also the opening day for the NFL, so perfect timing.

Andy Roddick made it to the 2nd round of the US open. That's what men's tennis has come to in the US, that advancing to the 2nd round is a headline story.

Nats are gonna shut down Strasburg...or at least that's what they keep saying. That's ok, i'm sure they'll have plenty of chances at a World Series over the next ten years, just ask the Mets.

Sounds like Tyler spent some time one evening painting over a billboard. Good work Tyler.

I'd like to have some fine chocolate this morning, instead i'm eating an english muffin. Fucking brits and their weird ass food. This tastes nothing like a muffin. When i get a muffin, i want an american muffin. There is another reason why the USA kicks all of the world's ass, we have the best muffins. You never even hear about the chinese muffin. French muffins are like what a croissant, those are good, but you can't be taken seriously with a croissant. German muffins have hairy armpits, and Chinese muffins have...whatever a stereotype for crappy chinese things are...maybe they have lead in them, i don't know.

Andy Roddick does have a fine ass wife. I guess if I was him, i'd probably suck at tennis too, because i'd be too busy doing it all the time.

Two new employees starting for me tomorrow. One, I already hate, and the other is a gay go figure. But that means I won't have much time, or maybe i'll have more time to ridicule and something else.


Learn how to fillet a fish boneless, dammit. It's easy.

Tuesday, August 28, 2012


Fucking traffic did it again. I needed a smooth ride to work because I was running late. That didn't happen. Whoever is in charge of traffic sucks. Yesterday was a breeze which was nice, but today sucked.

Nothing pisses me off more than traffic. Nothing pisses me off faster than traffic. I have zero tolerance for traffic. If I ever go apeshit and kill a bunch of people it will be because of traffic.

Penn State dropped Sweet Caroline from its playlist at games. 1) it is funny that this qualifies as an ESPN headline. 2) good because the song is about being a pedhophile and should be dropped by everyone who plays it. Anyone who likes that song is just as good as a pedophile and should be killed. Along with anyone who practices incest /kod

Aitch, Pats extend Hernandez, doesn't that mean this is Welker's last season? They won't have the cash to pay him too. How does that make you feel?

Didn't Keith go to both summits?

I hope Steven Jackson and Jamaal Charles are BEASTS this year.

LOV draft is this saturday at noon? I won't make that. I'll be either watching the Kenyon vs Bluffton game or watching all the real College Football Games at a bar or something. Better set my rankings. Maybe I can get some good players.

Oh there is apparently an tOSU game too, so tailgating might be in order.

Bill Nye the Science Guy looks like an older version of Tosh. Is he Tosh's dad?

Pirates put forth a good effort, but they are in trouble. Might not even get .500. Fucking Pirates. I boat* a hat.

Saw this on CNN "What young men still don't get about rape." I didn't click on it.

" southern California man killed by a grizzly bear in Alaska's backcountry was shooting photos of the animal that killed him just moments before the attack, a National Park Service official said Sunday."

The bear didn't like his picture being taken. Don't fuck with bears.

Monday, August 27, 2012

AFC Preview

Tennessee Little League team. Haha. When does the crying start?

I went to the Ulao Music Festivus on Saturday night. It was a neat little event for the locals and such. As usual at these sort of things, I did not fit in with the crowd. I don't have ugly glasses, a mustache or beard, ugly pants, tight shirts, or any ugly shoe and sock combos. As you may or may not be able to see, the fires were ya-huge. The bands weren't bad either. My pictures didn't turn out. I've been getting really self-conscious about using the flash on my camera. There's nothing to give any scale to this, but the log on top of this pile had at least a 4 foot diameter.

The Dodgers bought the Sawks on Friday. Thanks, Obama! O: FB. Bobby V should be fired after season, too. I can't believe I advocated for him to be the Breer's manager at one point.

Election Season! Crazy far right wing guy on twitter is demanding I explain why I'm favoriting his tweets, or else! He's also really paranoid and thinks people are out to get his family. This is too much damn fun.

Dammit! No on-field bawling from Tennessee. I guess you can't be too distressed when you know you never had a chance.

I missed the Lions game on Saturday. I need to see some game film.

Keith beat me by 20 last night. I'm really fucking terrible at football games. No Jon Budmayr didn't help either. And the terrible playbook I made. I suck. Tem would beat me by 50. NS.

Summit Talk. I think I'm skipping because I need as much money as I can. I have to get out of here no later than the beginning of November. Back to frozen pizzas and Ramen.

Seriously. Fuck me for forgetting Budmayr was hurt and using the wrong goddamn playbook. I hated every play I called.

I'm sure you're all tired of this song, but I just got put up on it in July. Not only is it catchy, but it speaks to me. efgmize is just somebody that I used to know. Sorry, but not sorry.

Friday, August 24, 2012

It's all about health.

National Football League Preview - 2012 El Padrino edition, brought to you by $1 DEP Sport Hair Gel, if you have thinning hair make it worse by rubbing DEP's all new Sport Hold Ocean Blue Hair Gel into it!  Available nationwide.


GGGGGGGGGGGMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEENNNNNNNNNN (12-4) - Probably a first round exit in the playoffs.  It's just the way the NFL is built now.  Teams never run the table from start to finish like the old days of the power Bills, Cowboys and 49ers.  Now we expect the top seed to go down in flames especially when facing the "hot team" that was dead 3 weeks ago.  Shit the Giants mastered that.  Fucking owned it.  18-0 Pats?  No problem.  15-1 Green Bay?  Eat a dick.  Anyway this team is stacked.  The schedule is tough but it usually is and chances are one of these "tough" teams will have a rough year.  They have a ridiculous offense despite the fact they cannot run the ball well up front.  If David Wilson remains healthy, as a rookie, he can be the answer.  Nicks will be fine.  Cruz is uncoverable.  I had my doubts but seriously he is uncoverable.  The defense will give up yards but when you have FOUR legitimate pass rushing threats on the field at the same time it's an unreal advantage.  Especially in today's game where passing is everyones cup of tea. 

I know this is Giant colored glasses and I have pass on writing the Giants previews in years past for this very reason I get way too jacked up about my teams but especially the Giants.  Just my favorite thing ever to talk about.  I still think this is a failry accurate preview.  This is NOT an 8-8 team.  They should at least, if I were a cynic, have 10 wins.

EAGLES (10-6)
Hate them but I'm actually a bit frightened by them.  I think the defense they have over there, with a year and full training camp under their collective belts, is NASTY.  McCoy is a top back, DeSean got paid and says he is 100% focused which is fucking dangerous because he can wake up in the middle of April and return a punt 99 yeards for a score and Maclin is almost uncoverable in his own right.  This is a very good football team that now adds some emotional steam behind a dopey yet successful head coach.  It's all depends on the health of Mike Vick.  I have to be honest the Eagles could have done what the Giants did last year.  They were the butt of all the jokes, Dream Team this and so on but they got hot down the stretch and the early swoon was too much to overcome or they could have been holding that Lombardi.  THANK GOD that wasn't the case.  But serious.  This Nick Foles (Fuck Mike Kafka) can throw the pill a bit so even if Vick misses a few games (which is HIGHLY LIKELY) the defense should be able to keep the team afloat.  Vick has only played 16 games once, 2003 I think.  Do with that info as you see fit.

Well they fixed that secondary that is for sure.  Via draft and via cash the secondary should be vastily improved which should help this team close out 4th quarters.  They do have a prolific passing QB in Romo, I won't argue that, but until he shows the stones to win some close games and take a team to the playoffs, and win, he'll never be talked about with the upper echelon of guys throwing pigskin.  I think that is fair.  The offense is very good, when they protect Romo.  They have a killer schedule and a real tough stretch out of the gate.  I think Philly and the Giants are much better than Dallas at this point.   I also think it's possible Jason Garrett will be relieved of his duties at the end of this year.

What?  Even if Griffin III has the same unbelievable season Cammy Cam Cam (possible, kid is a track star with a cannon arm, unreal)  had last year they Panthers still had a losing record.  They signed every WR on the market, none of them are great and they still have a Shanny Roulette RB situation.  Plus this dude and his 175lb frame has to play the Giants twice, Philly twice and if that is not enough he gets the Ravens AND goes to Pittsburgh.  Welcome to the NFL.  By the way, the best player on this defense is 37 years old and calls all the plays.  If Ray Lewis can miss half a year with injury why not Fletch? 


GREEN BAY (13-3)  - I think the roster had like 4 guys it doesn't have last year.  I mean this team was sensational last year and they managed to keep it all together again.  I think we are looking at the eventual Champions here.  They had one bad game.  One.  Shit the fucking system was so good the fucking back up QB came in and tossed 6 TD's netting himself millions from the Seahawks.  This was an historic team.  No way around the facts people.  They will dominate again.  If you look at the year the Patriots had after going 18-1 you'll figure out that teams this good don't just disappear.  Pats went 11-5 the next year with a 25% roster turnover WITHOUT TOM BRADY.  This team is not to be fucked around with.

DA BEARS (11-5)
No clue if the offensive line is any better than the past 3 years (what is the deal with that thing) but Cutty certainly has a weapon now in B-Marsh.  If he stays out of trouble, AHIK, could be a nice season for both platyers.  B-Marsh catches ALOT of balls.  The defense is still in the upper tier of NFL defenses and they have a suite home field advantage.  Not to be overlooked.  If the Packers didn't play in this division I'd pick them to win it.  They'll score a Wild Card berth though.  Hopefully Jay Cut's vadge holds up in the playoffs.

LIONS (7-9)
Regression.  The Lions finally sort of lived up to the pre-year hype and captured a Wild Card berth last year before getting smacked around like a prostitute in the playoffs by the Saints.  They still have issues in the secondary, the pass rush while formidable, is vulnerable to no huddle/screen game/draws (they allowed almost 400 points, no bueno).  Shit after the bye week they were straight up gashed wee in and week out.  Every good team they played last year they lost, save for the series split with the Bears.  Outside of the 4 games versus the two good/great teams in their own division they play Philly (away), San Fran (away), Houston (home).  I think they have 4 or 5 national games this year.  Let's not forget the 900 pound gorilla in the room (Madden cover with Megatron on it) either.  Oh and Jahvid Best? Yeah no thanks.

VIKINGS (5-11)
I don't see much here.  Do you see the leap?  Progress?  Tough division.  Peterson is off the PUP list but does that mean he can be back to form soon?  They drafted Harris but was it enough?  This team had the worst pass defense in the league last year.  The first 4 picks were on the offensive side of the ball.  I thought they had a horrible draft.  When you have Aaron Rodgers, Jay Cutler and Matt Stafford in your division why not fix your secondary immediately?


SAINTS (10-6)
I think this bottom half of the division improved the most.  I see Carolina getting a few more wins, Tampa is better so this must mean we have to snatch some wins from the top teams.  Saints will still win the division because Drew Brees is ridiculous and somehow this Bounty scandal will bring these guys closer together.  Like a rallying cry or something.  He's good at getting the absoulte max out of this team.  He's like a player coach.  Screw everyone for thinking otherwise it's easy to sit here and predict Payton was everything but it is still Sean Payton's playbook they are using and let's be real for a minute here.  Ain't no coach calling the plays in his absence.  #9 got this.

BUCS (9-7)
What can I say it's the year of the Buccos!  Just got a gut feeling about this team, think they will be much improved.  Like the coach I think he's been preparing for this job his whole life.  I know that defense was awful I know.  It actually can't get any worse.  Neither can Freeman's play.  The Vincent Jackson signing was brilliant.  There is always a team each year that does a last to first jump or a team that improves by 5-6 wins I think this team is the one.  Call me crazy or call me maybe.

Bad defense, good offense.  These things should even out a bit for the Panthers this year.  Under Ron Riveria you'd have to think the defense will improve in year 2 of his program.  Year 2 of Cam Newton could be scary.  Two headed running back monster.  Saints more vulnerable, the Falcons I'm predicting to be pretty bad so the division is not impossible.  Winnable home oppenents.  This team has some ways to go but they are improving and I think they'll be a whole lot better next year.

FALCONS (6-10)
I think the Falcons have a disaster year.  I think the Julio Jones trade was dumb (no depth, 5 picks could have been helpful).  Even if he goes off which is what some experts are predicting.  I don't like Matt Ryan, I don't think he is anything special.  I think when you hit him he folds.  I think - no I know the defensive front of Atlanta is awful and has been for years.  Not sure why that has never been addressed.  I think they'll have more than their share of bad injury luck this year.  I think the bottom of the division improved.  I think they'll lose 3 of the NFC east games they have to play.  I think Asante Samuel tweeting about feeling good about this year is a bad sign.


SAN FRAN (11-5)
They added some explosion to the offensive roster the question is will they use it.  The Niners played smart football last year, the coach is a risk adverse type of coach, he will need to loosen up the play calling and let the playmakers he signed flourish.  Niners snuck up on alot of teams last year, not this year.  They get to beat up on the bottom dwellers in their own division again so that helps but the rest of the schedule is no cake walk.  They have 5 primetime/national games so I hope they are ready. 

SEATTLE (10-6)
I think they have something cool brewing out there in Seattle.  Liked their draft.  They get to beat up on their own division a bit, have sick home-field advantage that is still able to have an effect on good teams which is key since they have all of their tough opponents at home and they have a quarterback.  And of course BEAST.

Cmon man with this quarterback situation.  Was Kolb the worse trade ever.  Man Reid fleeced these guys.  If the Rams weren't in this division they'd be the worse but the Rams are the worse.

RAMS (3-13)
Jeff Fisher ain't saving this.  This team is still bad, got bad players all over the roster.  I think Bradford is a bust.  Honestly.  The defensive play calling will be tricky.  They play New England, Green Bay, Chicago, Detroit, of course Niners twice I mean they'll be in games.  Because Fisher is a good coach but he needs maybe two years to get this boat floating.  And possibly a quarterback.

Playoff teams: Giants, Packers (byes) - Bears, Niners (1st round home games) - Eagles, Seahawks (Wild Card)

BEARS over Hawks - Eagles over NINERS
Eagles over GIANTS - PACKERS over Bears

Thursday, August 23, 2012

spot starting for jug

No, I'm Jug. I'll be able to contribute a little more often on here from now on. I sorta kinda kept up with the blog whilst I was working.

RE: Tem's question on dog tags...I've never had an issue with it and I haven't heard of anyone else say anything. I'll have to ask around the office. Most people I've worked with in the service don't seem to wear them all the time. If it would help, you can call the tags that people who are not affiliated with the military "douche tags" the douche cape Affliction shirts.

RE: Summit talk...cmjug is actually cool with me doing the summits, I'm just having a tough time finding a time and location between now and at the end of the year. We've had a lot of trips this summer and we're going to Chicago over Thanksgiving week. I might be able to swing a New Orleans.

Recent sports hilarity...Astros fire Brad Mills, Clemens pitching for the Skeeters, LeBron's shoes selling for over three bills, Bartolo Colon getting suspended for PEDs, the Mess, Keef's MS Paint pic for Lp

I saw The Campaign last Friday and thought it was pretty decent. The humor was along the same lines as Step Brothers.

Its nice to have my weekends back. This weekend my friend is having a block party so we'll be out there on Friday night. On Saturday night A group of us are going out for my brother's birthday. Next weekend is a whirl wind of fantasy football drafts...good times!

Cmjug hated beer when I met her, but I have converted her. She drinks only light beer and bud lite lime...but hey, its progress!


Wednesday, August 22, 2012

Spot Starting For Blue

I'm not gonna post much.

Was there a fooyball game on last night? The twitters said there was.

I gotta figure out a better, more streamlined process to get everything done at work. I think I'm going to look into writing a script to run throughout the day on our system. I wish I had help like the other guys did. Before me, the transpo supers used to all share the doodies*. I gotta make my own help. I need to get last bosslady's insight on this writing a script thing. I know I can do it.

I have a softball bat in my office. I've fantasized about smashing the ever loving shit out of the CB a bunch of times. Truckers can be pretty hilarious though.

Welp, onto the BS.

I think the Lions are going to win like 6 games this season. I hate watching their playcalling on offense.

I'd like to see the Batman movie. I'll wait for it to play at the Rivoli if it hasn't yet.

Tired and bored. Bed time.

Know how to use your drag, dammit.

Tuesday, August 21, 2012


Pres. Obama is coming into town today! I guess that is cool. Or not. I don't know. I doubt he will stop by the office, but if he does I will tell him that the Rooney rule is a joke.

Fucking Pirates lost again. Damn assholes.

My shirt is wrinkly today. I totally didn't notice when I left the house. I need that dewrinkle spray shit.

I had to drop my mom in law off at the aerodome today, hence the late post. I was going to post before we left the house, but apparently if you are over 70 you need to arrive 3hrs before your flight. Actually I talked her down to 2 and a half hours, so I did a good job.


I have a great idea for a book. I dont want to write it though. How much does an idea get paid? It'd be a good movie too.

I'm rethinking this Graham as pick 6 idea. I'm on the fence. I might do it though. DO IT.

Me on cocaine would be a bad sight.

Our homeowners association president is a moron. Apparently someone is adding on to their house and they dug too deep and cut the power lines to the common area lights. So she is going to call the developer of the area and see if they will fix it. What the fuck? Call the dumbass who cut the line and tell them to fix it. The developer hasn't done anything in our neighborhood in 6 years, they don't give a shit about this. That's like calling the Behr paint company and asking if they can fix your wall because your kid colored on it with marker. Idiots run the world. The bible was correct. The meek will inherit the earth. They already have it. The meek run the earth. Blessed is the poor in spirit and the poor in brains.

OK go forth and comment.

Monday, August 20, 2012

Stupid Sunday Nights

My $$$FNFL draft was yesterday. It was the most fun I've had drafting ever. I also have a spare $900 laying around now. I'm gonna put it in my nearly empty savings account and count the interest it earns from now until January as my commish fees. A few of us stuck around at my buddy J's crib afterwards and the consensus was that we were shocked that nobody was an idiot or had a horrible draft. Not even Wally who was on speakerphone the whole time. Buck drafted Joe Addai though. Early drafts are lame. I do like my team though. My WR are gangster.

I slept until 1pm on Sunday. I moved to the basement in May, and it's been fucking with me a lot. It's kinda sucking the life out of me and that is NOT good. Cue Keith's "Just move out already" comment.

Here's a list of things that are more likely to happen than EP Getting an XBox, NCAA13, and actually playing the game with us.

One of us wins the Powerball
One of us has relations with Beth
One of us has relations with Kod
I get struck by lightning
H actually buys a motorcycle
I buy a motorcycle
I buy a house
LP buys a house
I get a post-high school education
I lose the weight I want to lose
I actually fix my sister's recoil starter that I fucked up(this will happen soon)

This Turtleman show is retarded. Just awful.

Totally forgot SNF is on NBC.
The Colts really took Fleener in the 2nd round?? AAAAAAahahahahahaha. That's just funny to me.

I totally have a bunch of my friends admitting to liking songs that are "queer" or "gay". I had a few admit to liking Call Me Maybe on Friday night. I've totally enjoyed injecting my lack of being a tough guy or a hardass into this group of people that are generally viewed by others as the tough guys with all the tattoos & shit. So much fun. Speaking of which, here's a fucking hilarious rendition of Call Me Maybe on the YouTubes. This dude did this on Chatroulette, and you can totally tell some of these dudes were looking to pull their dicks on the internet when they stumbled on this. HILARITY.

BAM! And I even helped convince J that having a Facebook account is very useful and a worthwhile investment of time. Now he has an account. Good weekend, guys. Good weekend.

Lemme see if I can quick find a learnin' video on the youtubes to end this thing.

Boom. I am down with everything that Gordon does aside from the creme fresh. Unnecessary.

Friday, August 17, 2012


Sno Caps are the best.  I will not be told otherwise.

FOOOTBALLLL is three weeks away crackbags.  Get the fuck on it.  I almost read an article about how someday we won't want to watch football anymore and soccer will be more popular.  I think it's based off of something Terry Bradshaw said.  He is a complete retard who I'm sure as some sort of brain disease so I'm not sure why someone wrote an article on this.  But I'm sure it was complete nonsense.  I'm glad I didn't read it.  I will start prepping my footyball preview.  Boner.

Junior Mints are amazing.

I have an issue with showering.  Do you guys shower in the evening or the morning.  I prefer to shower in the morning.  Even before I had this bright idea of working out in the morning.  It just wakes me up.  I don't feel alive unless I take a shower.  But then I realize that fundamentally I am going to bed dirty.  And I like clean sheets.  Like my floors need to be clean, so do my sheets.  So to remedy this I have been showering at night AND in the morning.  On another note I might have OCD.

Did you guys know that Stan Lee isn't Chinese?

No shit Victor Conte.  Shut-up.

"1. Gerber Recalls Machetes Due to Laceration Hazard,"

Gerber makes machetes?  I don't think they should make machetes the same place they make baby food.

Figured out The Matrix about 4 days ago.  It took me 12 years to figure that movie out.  Fuck you if you are laughing.

Funny thing about alcohol.  It's awesome.  And please keep your opinion to yourself.  Opinions are like smelly buttholes.  Everyone got one.

Thursday, August 16, 2012

Goddman jug

Now that jug is married, he doesn't post anymore. He must get a ::no /cmjug:: whenever he tries to get online.

Perfect game by Felix yesterday, and Melky gets a 50 game suspension for juicing. Which one is the bigger story? I say it's the perfect game. WGAF about a guy who was a .248 hitter coming into this season? And it's the Giants. Noone cares about them.

Who is ready for summer to be over? Not this guy. Summer is grate*.

LP, stop being a lazy puss and get an xbox already. If money isn't the issue, you have zero reasons not to have one by now.

Wednesday, August 15, 2012

stereotypes are funny...because they're true

watching that stars earn stripes show on NBC. The first challenge involved jumping out of the helicopter and swimming over to a boat then doing some shooting and stuff. There are two black dude celebrities on the show, both of them couldn't make the swim to the boat. Is that racist of me to point out?

Who remembers Terry Tate, office linebacker? Tem probably doesn't

I can't get my directv on demand to work. fuck directv

iphone 5 goes on sale september 21st. Happy Birthday to doubt.

i'm out of beer. and liquor. and wine. damn

so you get headbutted and immediately file for divorse* that's not very romantic.

Lane Kiffin is right

Didn't realize Rich Rod got another coaching gig already...good for him

I'm glad all the "we could beat the dream team" talk is over. No you couldn't, stop being stupid.

Andre Iguoudala doesn't seem very excited to come play in Denver.

The rockies suck...but the beat the breers. I'll have a name/pic for meiz on thursday.

Tuesday, August 14, 2012

Let's bang this out

Alright let's get to it and bang this out. Preseason football has started. Cmtem does not like watching Raider games with me. It is probably because I have watched so many Bengals games over the years that I know Carson Palmer's cadence now and I mimic it. WHITE NINETY WHITE HUT. Sometimes he does another WHITE NINETY, but not in preseason. Also I am not sure the last word is hut, it kind of sounds like a climaxing noise. By the way Matt Leinart says WHITE EIGHTY, WHITE HUT. I didn't watch to see if Pryor said WHITE SEVENTY. I suspect he probably did not. Anyway, I love football.

So I don't know why but I get mad when people who were never in the military wear dog tags. I guess I feel like those are something you should earn by serving in the military. Jug, how do military folk feel about this? I don't know why it isn't a bigger deal. I would be really pissed if I had served in the military and all these people who never served were walking around with them on. I hear the argument that wearing them is supposed to show support, but that is bullshit. The dogtags are what you get for serving. They are earned, you shouldn't be able to just go buy them and wear them for support. Support the troops by flying a flag or wearing a ribbon or something. Don't steal their dog tags. They earned those and only they should wear them. Fucking posers, stealing dog tags. Maybe after wearing the dog tags you can support our olympians by walking around with a gold medal on. Or support the Giants by wearing a Super Bowl ring.

I am pretty sure the Pirates are starting their fade now. I am pretty hopeful that they can finish above .500, but I don't see them winning that division or getting either wild card. The division is pretty much a no-go, that second wild card is the goal. I don't see it happening though.

I figured out how to get my ipod to play at work. Now I need to figure out how loud I can play the music without other people hearing it. I should just say fuck it and blast it.

Hey Catholics, tomorrow is a Holy Day of Obligation. Go to church.

I won $250 in a raffle for a church back home that my mom entered me in. The priest dude called me to congratulate me. I figured he would ask for money, but he didn't. He just wanted to congratulate me. I thought that was wierd.

Replacement refs were bad, but they'll come around. It isn't like we don't complain about the regular refs all the time anyway.

I suck at this ESPN streak for the cash. I think my longest streak is 3. That is terrible. Who would have thought I would be bad at picking things??

So this Campaign movie with Will Ferrel was OK. I rank it behind Ted though and behind 21 Jump Street. Seriously, 21 Jump Street was sneaky funny. Great movie nobody talks about. You shot my dick off is classic.

Monday, August 13, 2012

Instead Of Running For President, Why Don't You Try Walking On A Treadmill?

Kinda watching the roast of Roseanne. No Roast will top Bob Saget's.

Man, Katey Sagal is all kinds of fine. Fuck you if you think otherwise. That bitch is hot.

Had a birthday party for my guy Woody's daughter on Sadderday. Always a good time. Had lots of fun. Last year I strained my ribs dancing, this year I might have put myself in line for some 42 year old tail. Well, as long as the one homie dumps her like he says he's gonna.

Wow. Jeff Ross kills every time he roasts somebody.

Oh, Paul Ryan. What a bad pick for your running mate, Mitt. Really. Bad choice. And then they had a rally tonight in Wisconsin. Why? Why would you have your little party in a state that you already have locked up? That makes no sense to me. Maybe somebody can enlighten me.

I have a really dark playlist for my iPod that I don't share with anybody. It's pretty much all about killing, death, and suicide. I've never told anybody about it before mainly because when I was truly and genuinely depressed every day, I played Suicidal Thoughts at the cabin and my sister and Deluxe turned it off and said this is bullshit. I hate when people do that shit. ::Looks at LP::

Aside from LP's tweet, I'm seeing a lot of tweets about there being a big AIDS problem in Brasil. Is it really that bad there?

Wayne Brady is KILLING. I love that negro. I'd give Ellen Barkin the business for sure. I love Carrie Fisher, too. She's so imperfect, and such a big deal for being Leia. I like my celebs being flawed to all fuck.

H, do you really want out of the NFL Keeper? I'd rather keep you in since you're an active member, and have Josh bail and kick commish duties over to me.

Go search the #SadderdayOlympics hashtag on twitter. That shit's hilarious.

Holy fuck, Halfway Between The Gutter And The Stars is such an awesome album. I forgot about this shit.

I don't know. I think I'm done. I'm gonna get screwed out of getting Labor Day off. Whatever.

Friday, August 10, 2012

To Do

I'm in a rut. 

I want a new job
I want a new apartment
I want to work out
I want an XBOX
I want to be alone with my wife more
I want a new car
I want new suits
I want to drink dirty martinis
I want to play baseball but not football
I want to give up beef
I want to download music
I want to bake my own bread and make my own pasta
I want to go to a Summit 3
I want to restart the Football trips
I want to buy some stock
I want to frame some of my baseball memorabilia
I want to have sex alot more
I want to go back to Jamaica
I want to learn the piano
I want to hang shelves in the closet
I want to get a ceiling fan
I want to paint the dining room
I want to get a new couch
I want to rearrange the bedroom
I want to get a smoker
I want to sell the shit I don't use
I want to get a new I Pod
I want to go to Atlantic City for a weekend
I want gelato more often

None of this is going to happen.  0%.

Like I said, I'm in a rut.

Thursday, August 09, 2012

home stretch

I may or may not have mentioned that we are preparing for a compliance inspection here at work. We're in the home stretch now. The inspectors arrive tomorrow and will be here for about 5 days, 3 of which I think they will be inspecting. My position was vacant for almost two years prior to me taking it about three years ago. The guy who had it before me left on good terms, but didn't get along well with others, so he decided to delete all files off the server that had anything to do with this yob. Its taken a little while to get things back up and running, so I'm hoping to do OK this weekend. Outside of the time off for the wedding and my reunion, I've been working every weekend for the last 3 months or so. cmjug has been pretty understanding, but not too thrilled about it since we've only been married a little over a month. Next week I'm taking Thursday and Friday off and taking her to Galveston for a couple of nights. That same weekend we are going to the Texans/49ers preseason game. Her brother in law's family is coming into town. Her brother in law's uncle is one of the assistant coaches for the 49ers. Her bil is not a football fan, but they were given two good seats and bought a bunch of nose bleed seats for the rest of the family. There was talk about him giving the seats to cmjug and I because I like football. Back story: Her bil was in town one weekend and I had a fantasy draft and needed someone to fill in for one of my friends. I asked him, and he said "What's fantasy football?". So yeah, not a big football fan. Speaking of fantasy football, planned our first draft last night. Had a happy hour at BW2 with some friends...good times! I'm in three $$ leagues and cmjug think that is too much. I told her I don't hunt, fish, ice fish, or play golfing* let me have this. Then I joined a 4th $$ league. And done!

Wednesday, August 08, 2012

Tuesday, August 07, 2012


So this morning has kind of gotten away from me. It is already 9:30 and I haven't accomlpished much. This work stuff is starting to get real. I am not sure I like it. I've always thought of myself as someone who would rather lean to the life side on the work/life balance, but that work side is hard to keep down. I need a stick of some kind. A work beater off stick. That sounds funny. I bet El Pad beats off at work or at least has once. If this was an El Pad post the next sentence would be "where is the strangest place you ever beat off?"

Hey, mom-in law tem visits next week...Wierd change from beating off to the mom-in law, but I swear it makes sense, just bear with me. Anyway, mom-in law is visiting next week which happens to be the fertile days for cmtem. So I get to bang cmtem while the mom-in law is in the house. We are strategizing this and everything. Apparently if we do it in the master closet it provides the most walls between us and where she sleeps. It is funny to hear cmtem plan out this shit. I suspect the married guys know what I am talking about and the other people give me a ::blank stare::

Pirates won, so that was nice. Other sports news happened but I don't know what really.

Sunday I dropped my cell phone and shattered the screen. It still works, but it is all cracked and shit. Oh well. I also hit the house with my car. Came into the garage too tight. Rookie mistake. Wasn't paying attention and scratched up the car on the stone outside. The house is OK. Had to paint a piece of wood trim that got scratched, but otherwise not a problem. Car is scratched up pretty bad. I believe I will be able to fix it myself. We'll see. People at work wondered why I wasn't pissed. I told them it was because I did it and I have nobody to blame, so who am I going to be pissed at? Myself? I have bigger things to be pissed at myself about.

Women in the office need to chill the fuck out. Everyone knows this.

The pond near my house has huge frogs. Like mutant somebitches. Like BattleToads. Anyone remember that? I bet Tyler does. And Meiz. Not Keith.

Why do people think that color coding a spreadsheet makes it better? Color ink costs money. Quit making things color that aren't color. And why do they put the company name and logo at the top of the page? I know what company I work for. If you give me a work paper I know it is for our company. Why the fuck would you give me a McDonalds work paper? I know it is a BEAST, but still, we don't work there. I am going to start putting other companies' logos on my stuff.

My tempermental Ipod is working today. Good for it.

When you swaddle a kid is he in there so tight that it is OK to throw him around like a football?

I dislike it when artsy people have a take on society. I don't kow why but I think it is because the only artsy people I talk to are massive stoners and they can't form a sentence too well.

First naked lady I ever saw was that tattoo on my uncle's that toon*.

Does anyone know if it is legal to walk around town in full riot gear? Shield, helmet, vest. No gun, just the protective stuff. I might get some of that and walk around. The shield would be cool. I could stop in the middle of the sidewalk and make people walk around me. If I also had a cup for donations I bet people would give me money.

Monday, August 06, 2012


Filling in for mize. His vagina was sore from getting railed while up at the cabin this weekend. Quick note: LP, Dan vs Dave commercials were Reebok, not Nike. I was out of town on a play golf trip this weekend. It was pretty suite. The most fun I've had play golfing in a while. One person bowed out, so we only had 7 people golfing. So instead of four 2-person scrambles, we did a 4-person vs 3-person scramble. I was on the 3 man team. We shot 72, which was 1 over par. We used a lot of my shots, too, which almost never happens. So, good times. Then we went out that night to an area called Whiskey Row. It's in an old cowboy town, and it's just a bunch of bars where people party. And it's an older crowd too, which I like. I hate going to places like Mill Ave (Tempe) or High Street (Columbus) where it's amateur hour with a bunch of youngsters. But then we end up with amateur hour with a dude in our group. I don't like this dude, really. But he was invited last minute because another dude had bailed. He is the loud mouth of the group. The loud, obnoxious drunk. We were in a brewery restaurant for dinner and we almost got kicked out because he was so loud. Then we went down to Whiskey Row and he got kicked out of every bar that we went to. After the last one, we just left him outside. My boy Bardsley went out to check on him and there was a cop there saying he needed to get him out of there or he was going to jail. So he called a cab and had them take him back to the hotel. So he basically got kicked out of the town. That is solid efforting. It was like having csil with us. I could have substituted her name into that story and none of you would have blinked an eye. Usain Bolt is fast. I think I read something that his top speed is about 40mph. Redonk. This is already more than I planned on typisting*. Go comment

Friday, August 03, 2012

Dan vs. Dave

Remember that shit.  Those Nike commercials were dope.  Yo this lil Russian bitch needs to get slapped in the mouth.  CMEP showed a pic of this gook she works with where she just had a baby.  It was a girl the chicks second girl.  So i made the joke when are they throwing it in the dumspter.  She got pissed.  Oh well.  That shit was funny.

Cafe Patron/Dark Rum and a shot of milk over ice is my new night time drink.  Shit is bangin.

Still mad good shit to look forward to.  I like the pole vaults.  Ha.  Pole.  I also like those disc throws.  Track and field is aight.  Not too crazy about it.  Summer def > then Winter though.  Meiz be crazy you.

I'm in the mood for waffles. 

Jesus christ everytime I see this Bruce Jenner I can't believe he's actually a decorated Olympian.  Age + plastic surgery be a bitch. 

You know another reason why I would hate Facebook is?  People can form an opinion on your life by  looking at your Facebook.  Like if cmep posts photos of me and the kids or us people can be like oh they must have money, they are always out doing something or shit like that.  I just hate gossip and Facebook, even though you can control that, opens the door for gossip and it irritates me.

You know what else irritates me?  Stupid family members.

And finding out the chicken stock I made the other day was placed into a tupperware that had a crack in it that leaked all over the fridge.  That shit pisses me off.  Leaks.  All leaks bother me.  I actually am anal when it comes to my floors.  I mop them shits twice a week sometimes more.  and I steam mop them once a week.  I like clean floors.

Remember when I was a degenerate gambler?  That was fun.  No props huh.  Been clean for quite awhile now.  You guys are a whack support system.  I was really sick.  I put $2000 on a game once.  I did not have $2000.  Shit was real.

I like big ass but not an anal fan. 

Subway commerical slays me.  Also the backstroke is dumb.  Is swimming backwards more effective than swimming forward?  Unless Nastia Liukin's muff is on some Subway bread I ain't buying.

Phelps man is just.  I mean 20 medals?  That shit cray.

Recipe of the weekend:

Zucchini cakes

3 large zukes
one carrot
one small onion
one cup of grated pecorino romano cheese
once cup of breadcrumbs
fresh basil leaves
teblespoon of AP flour
2 eggs

Shred 2 cups of zucchini - place in bowl
Pre-heat frying pan filled with canola oil or your frying oil of choice
Shred the carrot and onion add to zucchini
Add all the ingredients
Basil should be chopped fine and is optional
Form into patties

shallow fry until brown on both sides

Drink.  Eat.  Be merry.


Thursday, August 02, 2012


My yob has me away from my PC this morning, so this post is from my phone. Posting from my phone sucks, I should have written one last night.


Wednesday, August 01, 2012


Green day is awesome. They probably aren't considered to be a great band because they don't pump out really fantastic or earthshattering instrumental music....but, they may just be our generation's version of zepplin. Hit after hit after hit, and i don't care if maybe they're just a made for radio rock band, guess where I listen to them, on the radio.

Honestly, besides ABBA, what other band has a broadway musical?

the olympics are nice and fun. Phelps is the greatest of all time. To think that he's only missed out on a medal in 2 events in 4 (that's right, this is his 4th olympics) olympics, that's pretty dominant. And one of those events was the other night in the 400IM. Somebody said wake me up when track and field starts, i'll take swimming over T&F anyday.

There was a scene last night where some Chinese swimmer won the something, maybe the breastroke, maybe something else. She's 16. Bob Costas made a point to discuss that we shouldn't jump to the conclusion that she's been using PEDs, that a lot of swimmers get better from age 14 to 15/16 and shave seconds off their personal bests. Thanks Bob, before you even mentioned it, I hadn't even thought twice about "well, maybe she's been doping", glad you brought it up. Fucking loser that costas is. I hate him. So damn smug.

I think I got a mild case of food poisoning from this mexican restaurant on monday night. Fucking mexicans

NCAA footyball is going well. For those of you not in the league, we're going to talk about it every wednesday morning. I haven't nerded out and changed all the names of my players yet, I figure most will go pro after I win the BCS championship this year anyway. This recruiting stuff is bullshit, what do you mean I can only call the guy once a week? I have an instant classic game with BYU, thanks to a long bomb in the last minute for me to win it, and I don't get any extra bump in recruiting? That seems ludicrous.

People are too sensitive these days, take a zoloft and quit yer crying.

Found a perfect candidate for my assistant controller position I'm hiring for. She was awesome, met every requirement, and interviewed really well. She also wanted almost double what we're looking to pay for the position. Everyone here is a little below market because we're a small company, but not double below. gave me the fuel to go to the CFO and say "look, if you want all this stuff within this job, here's what the perfect candidate will cost us". The next guy was pretty good as well, but he wanted about 50% too much. So i'm going to get stuck with someone who is decent because we're cheap. (granted, both of them were seeking more than I actually make, and i'm not sure if given the qualifications we're looking for, that i'd be qualified for the job).

This is the best inspirational speech for the olympic swimmers, ever.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino