Thursday, June 28, 2012

El Pad’s Q&A – estrogen edition


OK, first let’s get the obvious jokes out of the way – my first kiss was with my “uncle” at 8 and my criminal history includes 3 years as a hooker.  OK, now that that’s done I’m actually going to answer these seriously, so be forewarned. 

Did your parents strike you when growing up?
Nope, but that could be because it was just mom (“dad” left when I was 4).  Although looking back on it she should’ve beat the hell out of me at least a few times, instead it was just a LOT of yelling.

Did they run the AC in the summer?
That’s a clown question bro…it was Georgia, of course we did.  And during the late spring and early fall normally too.

Do you remember your first kiss?
Of course, although I can’t quite remember if I was in 4th or 5th grade.   I had the biggest crush on him and was the kind of excited that only 4th or 5th grade girls can get. 

What was your mother's best dish?
Mom wasn’t big on cooking since but I loved her beef stroganoff.

First car?
A piece of shit 78 Buick Century that was basically a gift from a guy I knew and had pity on me when I moved out from mom.  It was beat to hell on the outside but actually ran pretty well.  My friends used to tease me that both my car and I were born the same year.

Best friend?
This is where I’m lucky in that I have an AMAZING best friend, Steph.  We’ve known each other for years and years and met when we were waitressing together.  She's one of those I-can-tell-anything friends.  Most of my vacations now are with her and we probably see each other 4-5 days each week.  And at the risk of zeke showing back up just to tell me I stole this off the internet, here’s a pic of me and her for y’all to pick apart, or for EP to make his desktop wallpaper.  (In case it's not obvious, that's me on the left and Steph on the right.)

How many fights have you gotten into?
One’ish.  I slapped a girl in high school once for calling me “the C word” (can’t remember why she called me that) and she slapped me back.  We were just about to really go at it (meow) when we were pulled apart. 

Have you committed a crime?
Are we including driving drunk in this?  Cause if so yeah, more times than I care to admit when I was young and stupid.  Oh so I guess you can add underage drinking to that too.  But if we’re including those I bet practically everyone on LOV qualifies.  Other than those though, no.

What was your first job?
I worked for one summer when I was 15 at The BEAST – McDonald’s.  I worked drive-through and it really sucked, but at closing time you got to eat all the leftover food.  This led to lots of food being made 5 minutes before close, but also to an extra 10 pounds. 

Favorite sports moment?
Sid Bream’s slide, even over the Braves 95 championship.  (Yeah, I was cool for a 14-year old girl.)  From a personal athletics view, finishing my 1st marathon in 2005 is my favorite moment.

Are you afraid of anything?
Unlike a lot of women I can kill a spider, but cockroaches absolutely freak me out and I refuse to ever squish one again.  That crunching sound totally grosses me out (shudder).

Any regrets?
Oh god yes, where do I start?  (That’s pretty much NS too.)  Let’s just stick to the top few. 
- I regret giving my mom all kinds of hell from basically when I was 16 'til I moved out at 18. I was an absolute bitch and she deserved better.  Thankfully we eventually got past that and really get along well now.
- I regret how I acted the first few years after leaving home – let’s just say the clichéd slutty jokes about me on LOV were much closer to reality back then.
- I wish I’d grown up and left my waitressing job earlier.  It turns out I’m actually pretty damn good at my job now (and not in an EP way but in a reality way) so I wish I’d started doing something similar earlier.
- And of course, I regret those 6 abortions.  
   (Come on, I HAD to throw something like that in, but that’s total S.)

Good lord this turned out long.  I feel like just I've had a therapy session.

420 comments:

1 – 200 of 420   Newer›   Newest»
tem said...

Good post. I'm actually starting to come around one these. El pad stumbled onto a suite idea.

tem said...

El pad reality part was hilarity X 2.

Mize said...

I got rather drunk last night. Feel pretty good today though.

Mize said...

My neck/shoulders area is fucked up. Feels like the neck spasms might be back. I hate this pain.

Mize said...

"Unlike a lot of women I can kill a spider"


I still have a hard time grasping this.

Woman: Ack! Spider!

Dude: Where?

W: Right there!

D: Oh, OK.

W: DON'T KILL IT!

D: *squash*

W: I told you not to kill it! You have to let it go outside!

Meiz: Top of the food chain, baby.

Beth said...

I'm with you on that mize. My thinking is if a bug is inside then it's fair game to kill. But if it's just minding its own business outside then leave it alone.

Mize said...

Goddamn! Somebody set my AC in here to 64. I'm cold as shit.

El Padrino said...

nice post

El Padrino said...

"I regret how I acted the first few years after leaving home – let’s just say the clichéd slutty jokes about me on LOV"

as long as you didnt contract some std it's all good kid

El Padrino said...

not sure why i put the ac question
i was drinking pretty heavily that night and it was hot as balls cuz my ac broked*

reminded me of my childhood i guess

El Padrino said...

i hate being hot, would much rather be cold

Mize said...

I don't like folk that request a receipt with every email they send. That shit is mad annoying.

Mize said...

"as long as you didnt contract some std it's all good kid"


High-larious.

El Padrino said...

CYA

Mize said...

Klanmaster uses a carabiner to pop the top on his ML vent cans.


Just thought I'd keep youse updated.

El Padrino said...

what year was that pic

you still rocking that hairdo

kod said...

"El pad reality part was hilarity X 2."


was about to post that quote, it was grate

Beth said...

"as long as you didnt contract some std it's all good kid"

Dad?

Beth said...

"what year was that pic
you still rocking that hairdo"

I think it's like 1-2 years old.

And I'm not sure I'd call a ponytail a "hairdo", but I put my hair up like that pretty regularly still. Can't go wrong with the classics.

El Padrino said...

like the ponytail was commenting on the side bangs or strands on each side

makes you look pretty young so i guess it works out

Beth said...

You calling me old?!?!?

s

Mize said...

Fag

Mize said...

One of my lead lumpers falls down a goddamn rabbit hole at least twice a goddamn day. WFT, playa?

El Padrino said...

the fuck is a lumper

Mize said...

They unload and break down truckloads of merchandise.

never gonna get it said...

Wft is a carabiner?

never gonna get it said...

Good post, Beth

tem said...

"I got rather drunk last night. Feel pretty good today though"

same

tem said...

"My thinking is if a bug is inside then it's fair game to kill. But if it's just minding its own business outside then leave it alone."


^^^^

except i never know how to deal with the garage....it isn't quite inside, but it isn't outside either.

Blue said...

"Wft is a carabiner?"

serious? it's the clip you use for climbing...that everybody seems to misuse as something to hang stuff from

tem said...

"My thinking is if a bug is inside then it's fair game to kill. But if it's just minding its own business outside then leave it alone."

my logic goes like this:

they'd attack me if i messed with their house

Blue said...

Nice post beth...wish i'd have known you when you were 18-20

Blue said...

WADR, have you ever had sex with steph?

because in my mind, you have

tem said...

Wft is a carabiner?"

serious?



^^^

Blue said...

in case you didn't know, the entire state of colorado is on fire...i can't even watch the news anymore, i'm so tired of stupid fire stories

El Padrino said...

meiz industry talk is annoying

Blue said...

carabiner

Blue said...

why are lumpers anywhere near rabbit holes?

i haven't seen a rabbit hole ever, and we have tons of rabbits around our house

Blue said...

gotdamn kate upton

Aitch said...

"meiz industry talk is annoying"

BEAST

Beth said...

"WADR, have you ever had sex with steph?"

Nope, she's totally straight and even if she wasn't (or if she wanted to "experiment" when drunk) I wouldn't go there and risk messing up our friendship.

She loves to tease me about that part of my past though.

Aitch said...

I don't think Meiz was serious about him literally falling in a hole... I think he means he disappears.

El Padrino said...

oh ya think?

Aitch said...

Wasn't that or a similar Upton pic posted here already? Not that I'm complaining.

El Padrino said...

health care law upheld

Blue said...

""He couldn't play much by that time. He couldn't guard his shadow," Drexler is quoted as saying in the book. "But you have to understand what was going on then. Everybody kept waiting for Magic to die. Every time he'd run up the court everybody would feel sorry for the guy, and he'd get all that benefit of the doubt.""

i'm still waiting for him to die

Aitch said...

" oh ya think?"

Well sometimes you guys need things explaines chapter and verse.

Aitch said...

*explained

Blue said...

"Wasn't that or a similar Upton pic posted here already? Not that I'm complaining"

yeah, that's from her GQ shoot, i think EP linked a different picture from the same shoot.

Aitch said...

Beth, good post. If you don't mind me asking, do you have any idea where your father is now? Do you even care?

El Padrino said...

jesus

El Padrino said...

i try and wonder what its like to be uptons dad

must be tough

Blue said...

"i try and wonder what its like to be uptons dad"

i figure he can rest assured that at least she's not bent over some frat guy's couch every night.

El Padrino said...

no just some creepy photog guy's couch

El Padrino said...

check the video on the bottom

Aitch said...

The one of her dancing? Already been link, Padrino. The other one was good too though.

El Padrino said...

no dick

the GQ one with her running on the beach, hula hooping, skateboarding and then wet t shirt out of pool that i have had on a loop all morning

Beth said...

"If you don't mind me asking, do you have any idea where your father is now? Do you even care?"

I don't have a problem talking about him, but just don't want it to come across as woe as I'm WAY past the woe-is-me stage.

Last I heard he's in Louisiana. He tried to re-establish contact when I was in my mid teens but by then I had zero interest. (He got the point after several of his birthday and Christmas cards were returned by me unopened.)

He still touches base with my mom to ask about me and my brother every now and then I think.

Aitch said...

I see. Just curious.

Blue said...

oh shit, you have a brother?

Blue said...

that video was great...especially the wet t-shirt part

El Padrino said...

um yeah

El Padrino said...

pretty sure when blue says wet t-shirt he literally means the t-shirt is wet

/aitch

Aitch said...

It's funny when EP tries to clown someone for saying something dumb. That's like me calling someone fat.

Beth said...

"oh shit, you have a brother?"

That a problem?

El Padrino said...

you say alot of dumb shit bro

alot

if im dumb (AHIK) you are right there with me

Beth said...

Do I sense a slapper starting? (she said hopefully)

never gonna get it said...

I still have a hard time grasping this.

Woman: Ack! Spider!




Do you hang out with Cathy?

Mize said...

Jireh - Guess the race.

never gonna get it said...

serious? it's the clip you use for climbing...that everybody seems to misuse as something to hang stuff from




Ah. No idear* it was called that

never gonna get it said...

Well sometimes you guys need things explaines chapter and verse.



Not quite

never gonna get it said...

pretty sure when blue says wet t-shirt he literally means the t-shirt is wet

/aitch




OK 50 cent (the rapper)

never gonna get it said...

Pretty sure I never said that

/LP

never gonna get it said...

Beth, good post. If you don't mind me asking, do you have any idea where your father is now? Do you even care?




You're infringing upon Steve's turf, playa

Aitch said...

btw, on the Back to the Future stuff from yesterday..

"On October 26, 1985, Doctor Emmett Brown arrives from the future and tells Marty McFly and girlfriend, Jennifer Parker, he needs help to save their future children from getting into serious trouble. As they depart, Biff Tannen accidentally witnesses their departure. They arrive on October 21, 2015"

Blessed be.

Aitch said...

"You're infringing upon Steve's turf, playa"

::blank stare::

Aitch said...

So the common perception of me here is that I'm dumb, huh? Interesting.

never gonna get it said...

Dumb? No. LP is the only one that said that.



Paper thin skin? Yes

Aitch said...

Funny. I think others have said it before though...

Actually, no. Come to think of it, EP is the only one who has. I can live with that.

El Padrino said...

i said you say dumb shit, like i do at times

am i dumb?
perception might say yes

reality says no

El Padrino said...

"OK 50 cent (the rapper)"

this was a joke you know that right?

aitch was serious about explaining what meiz meant this morning with the rabbit hole

Aitch said...

You and I aren't even on the same plane, brother. I say dumb stuff and I'm occasionally gullible. You say stuff that is astronomically stupid.

Have a nice day.

El Padrino said...

ok hulk hogan

never gonna get it said...

aitch was serious about explaining what meiz meant this morning with the rabbit hole


I know what aitch said. Just like when you felt like you had to clarify who 50 cent was

El Padrino said...

no, i didnt

that was a joke

Aitch said...

"ok hulk hogan"

What does this even mean?

Mize said...

"What does this even mean?"


You know what he's talkin' about, brother!

never gonna get it said...

no, i didnt

that was a joke



Oh, right. Just like all your bad typers are on porpoise*

Mize said...

*Hulkamaniac voice*

Blue said...

"That a problem?"

not a problem that Beth has a brother...just never knew that...thought you were an only child (ns)

never gonna get it said...

^^^^^

Blue said...

typical woman though...so self involved she never even talks about her siblings (s)

El Padrino said...

"ok hulk hogan"

What does this even mean?"

and im dumb

figure it out not dumb guy

El Padrino said...

"Oh, right. Just like all your bad typers are on porpoise*"

no

but that paticular 50 cent thing was

i even think that became like an era

didnt i do a whole post like that or something

parenthesis era

El Padrino said...

whose short term memory is worse

mine or tems

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Incorporating your dog into your wedding is one thing, but orchestrating a Big Day for your dog is quite another.

But that’s exactly what animal rescue advocate Wendy Diamond is doing for her recently adopted Coton de Tulear, Baby Hope. Diamond is planning the estimated $200,000 nuptials down to the last lavish detail"

idiot

Spaceman Spiff said...

tem plays possum

Mize said...

"Diamond is planning the estimated $200,000 nuptials down to the last lavish detail"


This strikes me as a gross misallocation of funds.

Mize said...

"tem plays possum"


Always.

never gonna get it said...

but that paticular 50 cent thing was

i even think that became like an era

didnt i do a whole post like that or something

parenthesis era





Yes. So each time after that was a joke. But the 50 cent comment kicked it all off.

never gonna get it said...

"tem plays possum"



This.

He is also the under the radar rich guy

El Padrino said...

im finished arguing the intention of a joke from 2010

never gonna get it said...

im finished arguing the intention of a joke from 2010



Apology accepted

El Padrino said...

fucking retard olympics today

Spaceman Spiff said...

"NFL is moving kickoff times back from their 4:15 ET late afternoon games to 4:25 to reduce overlaps with the ends of the 1 pm games."

El Padrino said...

cool not like red zone/direct tv
have got that covered yet

El Padrino said...

s

never gonna get it said...

just got a claim sent to me where the dispatcher put "insured states that there cadalliac converters were stoled"

ns

never gonna get it said...

They did that on purpose

/LP

Mize said...

Goddamn CFOs

Mize said...

What were the cadillacs converted into?

never gonna get it said...

pontiacs

El Padrino said...

just didnt spot check

Mize said...

I think I need a new pair of jorts.

Mize said...

Jorts and a Cena tshirt to go with my Jordans

El Padrino said...

i will not eat a gay pride oreo cookie

never gonna get it said...

food snob

ToddPacker said...

Jorts and a gator* tshirt to go with my Jordans

*fixed

never gonna get it said...

gator tshirt goes better with gay pride than it does with jorts

ToddPacker said...

"gator tshirt goes better with gay pride than it does with jorts"

that and wearing balls around your neck

never gonna get it said...

they're nutz, not ballz

El Padrino said...

same difference

never gonna get it said...

you would know

El Padrino said...

your mom would know

never gonna get it said...

It's cool that you and my mom have something in common

El Padrino said...

sorry that was uncalled for

El Padrino said...

im an angry lil elf today

kod said...

"health care law upheld"



I was pretty sure Roberts would vote to uphold along with the liberal justices, but I was surprised Kennedy did not join in as well. My 6-3 prediction was slightly off

Aitch said...

im an angry lil elf

*Fixed

Mize said...

im an angry lil playa today*


*fixed

Beth said...

"i will not eat a gay pride oreo cookie"

You realize those aren't real, right? They just created one for the ad. It even says that on the ad.

Beth said...

(more ammo for aitch...)

El Padrino said...

didnt see the ad, just watched the taiwan video of it and commented

shit was funny

tem said...

"whose short term memory is worse

mine or tems"


guarantee it is mine. but i know mine is bad so i just assume i misremember everything.

tem said...

i rarely will get into a battle with anyone that has to do with me remembering something.

i win those less often than i get UFC picks correct.

tem said...

""tem plays possum"


Always."


^^^

Blue said...

something something

tem said...

go crazy?

Blue said...

don't mind if i do

Mize said...

"go crazy?"

Speaking of Prince, one of the dudes in horseshoes said he'd way rather go to a Bob Seger concert than a Prince concert. And a bunch of other people there agreed.

I handed out one my greatest ::blank stare::s ever.

El Padrino said...

off the grid

Blue said...

that's classic horseshoes talk

never gonna get it said...

But you also said you'd have sex with Prince, so we have to take that ::blank stare:: with a grain of salt

never gonna get it said...

that's classic horseshoes talk




made me lol

Blue said...

nuggets supposedly in talks to send Wilson Chandler and a pick to the Warriors for the #7.

interesting

Mize said...

"But you also said you'd have sex with Prince, so we have to take that ::blank stare:: with a grain of salt"


While this is a true statement, it was also a joke. I've taken a severe beating over this as we all know. Rookie mistake. Gay jokes don't go over well on the internet. Who knew?

never gonna get it said...

it was also a joke




I hear ya, playa

/LP

Mize said...

Nonetheless, the chicks that were there agreed with me on the concert topic. Chalk one up for me.

Aitch said...

So you think like a women* and that is supposed to be points in your favor and prove you aren't a fag?

never gonna get it said...

I've seen a Prince concert. I haven't seen a Seger concert. I don't know which would be better.
The bitches at the Prince concert would probably be hotter

never gonna get it said...

So you think like a women* and that is supposed to be points in your favor and prove you aren't a fag?




I was going to make a comment like that but I didn't want to be a debbie downer

ns

tem said...

i have no desire to see either concert

Blue said...

"So you think like a women* and that is supposed to be points in your favor and prove you aren't a fag?"


who hurt you?

never gonna get it said...

BMH

Tyler said...

No one made a beef stroganoff/stroking-off joke?

tem said...

not yet

tem said...

nor did anyone make a "marathon? whatever playa? run a sub 4.6 second 40 and that's an achievment /LP" joke

Aitch said...

Saving it for you, Tyler.

never gonna get it said...

TWSS

Aitch said...

not bad

tem said...

"I regret giving my mom all kinds of hell from basically when I was 16 'til I moved out at 18."

all woman* say this

Mize said...

"So you think like a women* and that is supposed to be points in your favor and prove you aren't a fag?"


You can go hang out with the hags and dudes at the Seger show, I'll be over here having a good time with these chicks.

never gonna get it said...

All of a sudden mize acts like he's the ladies man

never gonna get it said...

It's amazazing* what happens when a girl touches your peepee, hey

never gonna get it said...

It's a fucked up world when mize had his peter touched by a women* more times this month than I have.

never gonna get it said...

That may or may not be true

tem said...

i almost typed that i would be SAS if it were true, but then i decided that i wouldn't be both. i would be one or the other, but not both.

i'd be SOS

Mize said...

Nah, I'm always here for the chicks. There just aren't that many around worth the time.

Tyler said...

"It's a fucked up world when mize had his peter touched by a women* more times this month than I have."

WAIT A MINUTE, BACK UP. WHAT HAPPENED?

never gonna get it said...

mize "almost" fucked a married chick

Tyler said...

That Back To The Future thing was photoshopped FYI. Mashable link.

Tyler said...

mize "almost" fucked a married chick

What does "almost" mean?

never gonna get it said...

What does "almost" mean?



It's Pecos

never gonna get it said...

I'm just busting balls

tem said...

it means nearly.

tem said...

meiz had a married chick up on his junk and was going to seal the deal but one of his friends came in an ruined the moment.

Mize said...

Yeah, let's keep that almost in those quotes.

Aitch said...

"What does "almost" mean?"

She said hi to him

Aitch said...

Then their friend invited her to the bar across the street and Mize was like "fuck that."

never gonna get it said...

She said hi to him



ha

never gonna get it said...

H is being me today

Blue said...

H has a guest room?

Aitch said...

Just sick of this story already.

tem said...

this story is grate

never gonna get it said...

Just sick of this story already.



jesus

never gonna get it said...

Just sick of this story already. Let's get the focus back on me

*fized

Aitch said...

I love Mize, but man it gets annoying after a while. Dude, you work at an entry level job, live at home with your parents and haven't gotten laid since the day before forever. Get over yourself.

never gonna get it said...

Remember when H woed all the live long day every day about being a taxi driver?

never gonna get it said...

I don't think anyone was ever like dude shut the fuck up, we're tired of hearing it

tem said...

H seems grumpy today.


who hurt you?

Blue said...

i'm interested in everyone's lives

Tyler said...

Here are my answers to the EL P 2012 quiz:

Did your parents strike you when growing up?
Yes they did. A lot. They would use wooden spoons. My Dad once broke a soon while spanking me with it, then when to the kitchen, got another one, and continued the assault.

Did they run the AC in the summer?
If you live in the San Fernanado Valley and don't have A/C, you will die before your fifth birthday. That is an actual scientific fact. So, yes, we ran the A/C in the summer. Clown question.

Do you remember your first kiss?
Sure.

What was your mother's best dish?
Spaghetti, she made her own sauce (insert Mom making her own sauce jokes here). Also, enchiladas. And mac & cheese from scratch.

First car?
A 1978 brown Chevy Station Wagon that was my parents car. It's nickname was the Shitmobile because it had a gutless V6 and it looked like a turd.

Best friend?
I guess my friend Ryan that I've known since 1st grade.

How many fights have you gotten into?
Can't remember. Nothing past High School though.

Have you committed a crime?
I guess; hasn't everyone done something minor that technically counts?

What was your first job?
Sears, I worked in the warehouse unloading trucks. It sucked and I started out at $4.35/hour and got a huge 10 cent raise after a year. My first check was for 40 hours with 8 hours of overtime and I make way more than that in one day now. For some reason I stayed there for six years. I still talk to my first boss, he is a part-owner of a bar and they have an Oktoberfest thing that I go to.

Favorite sports moment?
Televised: Kirk Gibson home run.
Live: The time I caught a puck at a hockey game, or the time Kobe won a game against the Heat and we saw it from awesome floor seats.

Are you afraid of anything?
Uh, nothing that I can think of right now.

Any regrets?
Yes, answering this quiz.

Beth said...

"She said hi to him"

Hilarity.

Blue said...

"Jackson was hired last year. He is also an ordained minister, leading a congregation with his wife in the Los Angeles suburb of Van Nuys.

The fuck?

Tyler said...

*broke a spoon

Blue said...

ah wooden spoon...i got smacked with those a lot, and my mom broke at least one

never gonna get it said...

*went to the kitchen

Blue said...

then my dad made me take the broken part, and sand off the end so we could still use it for cooking and stuff.

never gonna get it said...

Wooden spoon was my mom's weapon. Belt was my dad's weapon

Mize said...

"I love Mize, but man it gets annoying after a while. Dude, you work at an entry level job, live at home with your parents and haven't gotten laid since the day before forever. Get over yourself."


LOL

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