Monday, January 31, 2011

No kid yet

Due date has come & gone and no hint of a baby. Hopefully it comes soon, I hate waiting. TWSS

Did anyone watch the golf tourney on Sunday? Phil fuckt* up again. Not only did he blow his 3rd round lead, but he kind of fuckt* up on 18. He was down 1 and the leader had about a 15 footer for birdie on the green. Phil was in the rough off the tee, but could of* reached the green. Instead, instead of waiting to see if dude makes his putt, Phil just lays up so there's no chance he can eagle. Then dude makes his putt and Phil is down 2 shots. If he would of* waited, he could have seen he was down 2 and would have gone for it. But instead he plays bridesmaid again. IN YOU FACE, MITTS!

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA Dook

Me & cmk were watching som SAG awards show last night and the cast of Modern Family won the award for best cast in a comedy. When the cast went on stage, I mentioned that I like Sofia Vergara. Cmk says "Why do you like all those Mexicans?" I say she's Colombian, then axe her what Mexicans I like. She thinks for a seconds and says "That girl from top chef". "Padma, the host chick"? "Yeah, her". "Yeah she's middle eastern, from India or something." "Oh. Well you like that chick from SNL". "Yeah, she's from Iran". Then she says "I dunno. You like Mexicans" then I say "Good talk, Russ".

Booooooo

Holy crap

If they played football in Hawaii and noone watched it, did it happen?

Goddamn softball ended tonight. We played a team that was winless on the season and we beat 39-4 in the first game of this season. They kicked our as. almost all game and we were loosing* 18-8 going into the bottom of the last inning. Of course, thanks to them dropping 3 easy fly balls and the ump giving us a makeup call on a play at 2B, we score 11 runs and win 19-18. And I got hit in the knee so there is a play golf ball sized knot on the inside of my knee. Woe. I'm done with goddman softball for a while.

Some questions for the class....
Does beth ever regret her temgagement?
Does jug plan on turning cgjwtf into femjug?
Does freak like girls or boys?
Is blue bummed he won't have any boys?
Is mize going to get a Breer's season ticket package this year?
Is tem going to move into femtem's place or is femtem going to move in to tem's place?
How much money is LP going to bet on the Super BowlTM, including prop bets?
Is spiff the coolest motherfucker on the planet?
Did kod & cmkod do some suite drugs in Maui?
Is aitch ever going to get a different yob?
Did anyone read this?

Friday, January 28, 2011

would you eat fish sperm?

We need credentials so we can send me to Dallas to piss on that new stadium and ask the players dumb questions during Media Day. I'd ask Mike Tomlin why his eyes are so big. And I'd ask Hines Ward why is his name Hines? I'd ask Aaron Rodgers what his favorite finishing move was in wrestling. And I'd ask Ryan Grant if he was pissed he wasn't in the photo. Also I'd ask Mike McCarthy why does he wear a pen in the back of his hat. I'd thank James Harrison for hitting Mohammed Mossaquoi because he's a muslim. And he deserves pain.

I'm writing this from my blackberry because I'm running late because I had to feed AJ because my daughter was up some of the night because she is a brat because all toddlers are brats because its science because cake is food because that's also science.

I'm tired.

Thursday, January 27, 2011

Headlines =

Officials tentatively ID body as Reed's brother = "We found a black guy in the river."

Former Cowboys QB Aikman, wife separating = Suite! /Joe Buck

Packers to allow 16 IR players in team photo = That's bullshit! /Ray Finkle

Rodgers denies concussion, backs up Cutler = IN YOU FACE blue

atmeiller Y'all see your friends with the fancy cars, kids, and other nice things, but they mention the temp in the crib is like 60? Yup. #Suckers. = WTF is mize talking about?

FanHouse: Ochocinco switching back to 'Johnson' = Related story: Mize switching back to Dikembe Mizetumbo

Roof at Massachusetts Dairy Collapses During Snowstorm = O:FB

No. 22 Seminoles back in college hoops rankings = Suite! /ChiefPacker

Another Snowstorm Batters Northeast in Record Breaking Winter = Global warming in full effect

Other stuff:

The story on the guy getting fired for wearing the Packers tie...how does the media find out about some of this stuff? Do people really get fired and think "I'm calling NBC" or whatever local news station when something like this happens? If that's true, I find that odd...that's just not how I think.

Cutler...I should comment because I am a Bears fan. Everything got WAY overblown. I'm in the camp that was disappointed in players tweeting during the game criticizing another player. I just think that something you shouldn't do to a fellow player. I think the Bears coaching staff made the right decision in keeping him out because if you can't plant you can't throw well. Where they made the mistake was keeping Todd Collins on the roster after the Carolina game this year...Hanie should have been the #2 guy.

I think its funny that people question Cutlers toughness. Can't remember who it was in the media that said something like "I find it funny that people come out on twitter and anonymously question someone's toughness." Yeah you might know who someone "is" on twitter...but everytime they say something dumb they come back with something like "oh my account was hacked", "oh that was my brother", or "oh, I was kidding". Hi MJD. With knee injuries its not all about pain tolerance. You can stand there and you can walk on sprained knees and they may not hurt that bad. However if you can't plant, pivot, or run well you can't be effective. Cutler was one of the most sacked QBs this year if not the most. If you saw their game against the Giants you know. He also played at Vandy...a wiping post in the SEC. To me it says a lot that the Bears players defended him as much as they did. Its one thing to back up your teammate, but they were very adament in interviews and twitter in his defense.

Yeah I'm watching Idol again this season. Its pretty much the only show I'm watching on a regular basis (DVR) right now...I need to add something else, any suggestions (no cooking shows)? Anyways, its only been a few episodes, but I think the judges have been pretty good so far. I was ready for a train wreck, but its been entertaining.

I'm not looking forward to the end of football...and who knows for how long.

That's it.

Wednesday, January 26, 2011

Blah

I called in to work sick last friday. I wasn't sick though. It was awesome.

I have an interview this afternoon with some company. The recruiter has told me that the job pays about 40K more/year than I make now...so that would be nice. Which also means I won't get it. (xnij)

Our CEO lost his phone in Mexico...awesome, no work for blue today.

I watched part of the state of the union speech. Obama didn't look as smooth as he's been in the past. I would watch more of this speech if everyone didn't always stand up and clap. Thing would be over in 30 minutes without all the standing ovations. And they're so contrite...one guy hops up all energetically, and then it's like the wave at a football game, slowly others start to stand too some very begrudgingly. Others just sit there and drink their beer. And watching Joe Biden behind the president makes for good fun. Why the hell do those guys sit behind the president. That's like having "obstructed view" seats at a game, or having to watch a concert from back stage...just ghey.

Jay Quitler is still all the talk around here. Sports radio guys (Mark Schlereth) went back and broke down the tape trying to find where he got injured. Kept talking about the bad body language he had from the first snap...and when the fans started booing Quitler that's when his knee started hurting. It's hilarious, the guy on the radio show with Schlereth (Alfred Williams, another former player) went as far as saying that the Bears are lying and making this whole injury thing up to cover for Quitler...at least nobody is talking about Melo being traded.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

I'm not sick

I got into the office and planned on writing my post. 45 minutes later I am starting to write my post. I don't think the people here appreciate the blog enough.

In my new unpaid position as CFO I get to hear everyone's request for money and then laugh at them because there isn't that much money. Blue, send us some money.

Anyway really quick in the sports world:


Who is the #1 chick tennis player? Never heard of her.

USC kid who dropped a bar on his neck is suing. Probably a good idea. I am kind of SAS that USC wasn't taking care of him on the side anyway.

Sprained MCL doesn't sound that bad.

Super Bowl Winner = Steelers or Packers


Damn it, I have to go to a meeting.

Monday, January 24, 2011

I'm sick

cmk gave me bronchitis. I was going to go to the doc, but LP told me it probably is bronchitis. Saved me a $15 copay.

Jay Cutler is a giant pu-say. Like, humongous.

Steeelers are going to win one for the, um, whichever one the 7th finger is called.

I call the 7th finger a warmup. /beth

RIP Power Juicer guy

That's really all I have. I feel like as. It's ironic or something. Anyway, I hope this inspires us to have 78 comments or more today.

Friday, January 21, 2011

The Farve curse

Packers -3.5 over Bears

I think the lack of WR ability is going to hurt Chicago here and I can't see Forte gaining more than 70 or so on the ground. It's no secret the Bears didn't want to see the Packers but at least they get them at home where the fans will be rabid.

Jets +3.5 over Steelers

The Jets were extremely impressive last week. Momo in the playoffs is huge which is why I'm taking them this week. Steelers looked crappy at times vs Ravens and honestly were gifted that game. This is a very confident team and that baffoon of a coach can actually coach. I undsrstand LeBeau will throw alot of things Chize hasn't seen yet in his early QB life but I think they Jets will be 70/30 in favor of the ground game to offset that. They've (the Jets) haven't played a playoff caliber defense yet including last year. This is the ultimate test. And If it's close, Steelers win by a FG making the .5 point gold.

Kod, the curse is working. He did it to himself. This means now after the Jets and Packers play in the Super Bowl that the Vikings will make it next year. All three former Farve teams will play in the Super Bowl, a spot that he coveted so much he tarnished his legacy. He wrecked the Jets, cost a man his job that year and pretty much sexually harassed the entire building. He tormented the Packers by un-retiring and being a dick to Aaron Rodgers then by signing with a heated rival in Minnesota. It's only right that those teams improve when he leaves. He might have been all world for 10 straight years and I'm nbot going to take away those years how ever many they were but he was a cancer the past 3 years and left a wake of people in his debauchery and cockyness*.

Thursday, January 20, 2011

We will sign Car-melo....NOT!

I heard a piece from the Prokhorov press conference on Carmelo and I can't get the Borat voice out of my head.

Every sport has their own all star game. In the NFL if you are voted in, you are called a pro-bowler. In MLB you're an all star...same with the NBA. However the NBA seems to be the only sport where they also call some of their players "Superstars". WFT is that? They already have an all star game and their all stars. What is the difference? Do you become a superstar when your ego gets so big that the term "all star" just doesn't cut it anymore?

Are there superstars in the WNBA? No, and that's bullshit! /freak

Random thought: Does LOV have to abide by the Rooney rule to replace Steve, or does Mize count? S

Although I am probably having a Super Bowl party, I look forward to conference championship weekend more than Super Bowl Sunday. Better games, home field crowd, more football, don't have to sit through two weeks of interviews and media BS, etc. A friend of mine throws a party on conference championship weekend, so that's where I'll be on Sunday...good times. I really like having Mondays off, especially at this time of the year.

Disorder in the Court was more than mildly entertaining tonight. I saw a monk riot.

"Nets walk away from Melo trade" That's what I would have done. /Keef

and go...

Wednesday, January 19, 2011

Movie Idea

I decided that a great idea for a movie would be terrorists destroying the internet and cell phone service. Imagine the chaos that would create. The total reliance on email and cell phones for communications. It would cripple all developed countries. Now i get that it's an impossible idea because of how the internet works...but that never stopped hollywood from making a movie about it. I would cast some douche like shia labouef and have him killed in the first 5 minutes. The hero would be Mark Wahlberg and he'd have to get help from a former vice president to re-invent the internet. It's an art film, like that black swan

Football rooting interests. I rank them like this JETS, PACKERS, BEARS, Steelers. Jets haven't won a superbowl™ in 42 years...and my researcher says that's the last time they were even in the superbowl™. Packers haven't won a superbowl™ since '96 and haven't been to one since '97. This would be the ultimate FU to Bert. Rumor has it A-Rodg has signed a deal with Wrangler to start promoting their jeans. Bears are next, I almost ranked them ahead of the packers because it's been since 85 that the bears won a superbowl™, but they were just there 5 years ago, and they have a douche for a QB. Steelers come in last because I hate everyone on their team. I really like Mike Tomlin and feel bad for him that he has to coach a bunch of douches. Also they won a superbowl™ 2 years ago and they also are a bunch of bastards.

I saw Brian Dawkins at the grocery store last night...Rev would have lost his shit.

Melo wants traded

Work sucks

If anyone calls today "hump day" they deserve to be smacked right in the face.

Tuesday, January 18, 2011

Mailbag

Time for another mailbag. As always these are questions from actual readers, ETEO.


Why are MBAs pretty much basically useless in the workplace? -Every Non MBA with a job

Because all they do is group work and they never learn to think for themselves. They are taught that every task needs completed by a group so that you don't miss a possible angle or a possible road block. While it is wise to gather info from many sources before you make a decision it isn't wise to have 10 people make a 1 person decision. All that does is make the final result way more complicated, time consuming and costly than it needed to be.

For example, this guy and work and I get to go to Vegas for some convention in February. He goes to Vegas all the time and knows all about what hotels are near which ones. Our conference is at the Wynn, but the Wynn rooms are too expensive. So his task was to find a cheaper place next to the Wynn. He called me about 10 times during the day asking me about different rooms and whether or not Hotel whatever was close enough. He knows I have no idea whether or not it is close enough, but his MBA ass is trained to ask me. Wasted a bunch of my time and his. He finally booked us at Treasure Island.


Why do you take commercials so literally? -fmtem

It's true, I do take commercials literally. It drives me nuts when the food in Taco Bell commercials has no bites taken out of it even though the commercial is making crunching chewing sounds and the Yankees manager is taking the kid out and putting in Rivera to finish the job even though the kid never even taken a bite out. You need long relief for that, not the closer.

Anyway, I take it seriously because sometimes I am an as.hole.


Why does Natalie Portman look uglier than she used to? -tem

A combination of age and getting knocked up. Also now that she is established she doesn't have to try as hard. I am starting to think that maybe she isn't just naturally mega-hot. I think she worked hard to craft the "I am mega-hot" image and look and now that she doesn't need it anymore she doesn't work as hard at it.

Having said that she still is pretty damn hot and seems to be a smart kid. I wish good things for her.


Should I bail on my Matty Ice crush and move on? -beth

If you think he is winning a Super Bowl anytime soon you are wrong. He's a solid QB, but not elite /lp. If when you are going to town on yourself or some dude is going to town on you and you want to fantasize about a Super Bowl champ you should just think of Steve Young or something because it ain't happening soon for Matty Ice.


Have you seen True Grit yet? - Bob in Nebraska

No. Is it better than Grease 2?


Do you know where you are going for your honeymoon? -everyone in my office

No. The wedding is like 10 and a half months away. We don't know where we are going yet.


Do you make any temgagement jokes to fmtem? -all of lov

No. My rule for temgagement jokes is that only I can make them and I won't do it if fmtem is around. So none of my friends can make them (of course that rule does not apply to the blog). They are pretty cool with it because in real life its a harder joke to make that it s on here.


When Carmelo ends up a Net will anyone notice if I start rooting for them? /lp

Yes. If you change teams everyone will make fun of you. Even more fun of you than they do now. I know you say you'll never be a Nets fan, but when they are rocking Brooklyn and winning games and doing Russian Mark Cuban things you'll start to go to some games and you'll start to root for them and we will make fun of you.

I just beat the shit out of a pop machine because the price went up twenty five cents, that's normal right? - H

Not for most people. You should look into taking some karate classes or something. Have mr. Myagi teach you how to deal with the inner demons. Wax on, wax off, kick some Cobra Kai ass. Or find a hooker. You are much more calm when you are getting laid on a regular basis.

Monday, January 17, 2011

Runny* diary

We're back again with another running diary of the Golden Globes. All times are MST.
7:12 cmk is mad because I didn't text her that the Bears had won, so she isn't talking to me. So it'll be a quiet house tonight. Yeah, that's ns
7:14 it looks like that unfunny Brit that hosted last year's show is hosting again. This monologue is less funny than last year. Congrats on getting this gig again but being less funny, Benny Hill.
7:16 Jesus, this guy is so unfunny
7:18 ScarJo is the first person giving out an award this evening. She's announcing the nominees and she's already funnier than the Austin Powers guy. And she looks much better. She has nice ivory globes.
7:20 Michael Douglas looks like Fire Marshall Bill. And the first award goes to Batman in The Fighter
7:22 LL Cool J presenting next. He has bolth pant legs rolled down. And the award goes to.......Peggy Bundy. Al Bundy is shown clapping in the background
7:27 next is the award for best tv series or mini series. I've nerve heard of any of them. The Spanish guy won. And Nicole Kidman is really really really really white.
7:31 British office guy introduces Bruce Willis as "Ashton Kutcher's dad". That was marginally funny
7:34 Some gay guy from Glee won the next award. Yeah, yeah, I know. "Gay guy from Glee". Can you be more specific, as.?
7:36 Sorry tem. But Michelle Pfeiffer looks like she does coke for a living
7:39 Eva Longoria introduces the president of the Hollywood foreign press. He has awesome hair. And by "awesome" I mean awesomely bad. It's like a mix between George Costanza and Ronald McDonald.
7:46 This dude from the facebook movie can't read as he's introducing his movie. Apparently "interestingly" is a tough word to read.
7:52 awards for music and best score. Fast forwarding
7:55 Dustin* Beaver* handing out the cartoon award. That's why I hate cartoons. (s). Toy Story 3 wins. They show a shot of JLH. She has great bronze globes. Then they show a shot of the Precious chick. She has fat mocha globes
8:01 Emma Stone looks pretty good with blond hair. Anne Hathaway still has giant teef.
8:05 Sly Stallone enters the room. Rev just excused himself to the bathroom
8:11 Wow, look at Claire Danes. She's all growed up and looking fine. She beat out JLH for some award so we misst out on seeing the globes.
8:16 Steve Carell is a funny motherfucker. I like how he's basically Michael Scott in real life.
8:19 Miiiiiiiiiila Kunis. Yummmmm
8:20 Naaaaaaatttttttt Portman. yummmmmmmmmmm
8:21 Sofia Vergara. Really really yummmmmm. She lost out to that old dyke from Glee for best supporting actress.
8:28 Hanoi Jane is introducing Burlesque. I thought Jane Fonda was dead. Ns
8:29 Kaley Cuoco os presenting some award. "Kaley Cuoco was hotter when she was younger" /mize. But he's right. She doesn't look real good now
8:35 They keep showing some chick in the crowd who has Edward Scissorhands' hair. I don't know who she is, though.
8:42 Man, Bobby DeNiro looks really old. Mfer has had quite a career though. But wow, he looks old as fuck now. Maybe because he is
8:53 Best comedy goes to..... Glee. Fuck off. Just because it's in the "comedy" category doesn't mean it's funny. Seriously, fuck off
8:55 goddamn, Alicia Keys has some broad shoulders
Random side note. Speaking of broad shoulders, I saw some picture online this weekend with Laila Ali and Curtis Conway. Did anyone else know they were married? I had no idear.
8:59 The boy from third rock from the sun is presenting introducing Inception. It's still weird when I see him because he looks strange with short hair.
9:01 Natalie Portman wins something. Looks like she's pregnant. Mize is sad
9:07 So I guess the comedy category is really the "comedy/musical" category. That sort of explains the whole Glee fiasco earlier.
9:11 So the chick with Edward Scissorhands hair is Helena Bonham Carter. Weirdo
9:13 Fire Marshall Bill is presenting the final award tonight. Best drama award goes to...facebook movie. Some people must have time for that shit. Kind of surprised that movie beat out black swan and inception.

Well, that's all. This show was pretty boring, which means the RD was probably boring. Grammys are next month

Friday, January 14, 2011

Playoffs

Baltimore (+3.5) over Pittsburgh - Where do I begin? Gonna wait for my woody to subside before getting into this tilt. It's classic January football. I'm kind of going against my true feelings on this one but I'm getting this lil inkling, this slight feeling that Baltimore is going to the Super Bowl. I'm not sure why. Maybe it's the year of the Harbaugh and we just don't know it? I don't know. I think they squeak out of Pittsburgh with a win then due to O:FB beat the pats next week. It's an eery feeling but I'm rolling with it. And you all know I'm no Flacco fan. But the defense is a rollin right now and they are dominating the trenches which is huge during playoff football.

Green Bay (+2.5) over Atlanta - No worries Beth. I'll finally respect Atlanta if they win. Packers were my Super Bowl pick so I have to stick with that. That aside even if they weren't my pick I'd still pick them because I think they are better. I think the defense is better than Atlanta's and I think this makes up for the Matt Ryan home record nonsense. I know Rodgers is better, we all know that and it's not a knock on Ryan, kid is legit. Once Green Bay stops the run and once Roddy White is covered by Tramond and Tony covered by Chuck Woodson what's left for Matt to do? Really just like the Green Bay D.

Points (+10) over Bears - Not to win. This is bullshit. I don't get it. The Seahawks were so bad at playing football over the course of 16 games that all of this shit is unexplainable. You just can't explain it. It's like rock formations that come out of nowhere or some other geological phenominon*. Explain this shit then re-watch them thump the Saints, which by the way was the most points they scored in years and the most the Saints gave up all year and last.

They were 2-6 against teams .500 or better. They are in the bottom half in every important stat (points scored, points allowed, pass yards, rush yards, pass yards allowed, rush yards allowed…etc.), and in the bottom third in most of these.

At negative 97, they have the third worst points differential in the NFC. Only the Panthers and Cardinals, inarguably the two worst teams in the NFC, had a lower point differential.

Seriously what the hell is goings* on? Points to cover Bears advance to play Pack for Super Bowl birth*.

Jets (+8.5) over Pats - First a graphic from CBS sports.....Greg whatta got?















As you can see Cromartie has the baby making edge. Will it be enough Dan, Boomer, Shannon and Bill? Back to you Gus.

Well now that we have the stats. Look we know I hate both of these teams and picking one of them to win is like picking an Aids girl to fuck but I have a job to do. The Jets are not going to get blown out again, no matter what record pace the Pats are operating on. If you recall the year the Pats were undefeated the playoff run they were on wasn't THAT impressive and you can argue the offense was better than then now. I mean yes they throttled Jacksonville but they struggled against San Diego. I think the Jets have the biggest chip in the history of chips on shoulders and will have some momentum in this game early on. But as the game goes on, the weather gets colder and the Sanchize gets shittier. I don't think he's healthy, well I know he aint healthy but even if he were this is still too tall of a task for him. He's played miserable thus far in Foxboro. I don't see that fixing itself here in January.

Thursday, January 13, 2011

I'm back!

Suite trip...I have a vacation hangover. I came back injury free as well.

We were up late one night flipping through the channels and came across Mike and Mike and realized it was time to go to bed.

This post sucks, but not as bad as my post last week. My bad on that one.

TPS shit storm...this is all I have today.

Wednesday, January 12, 2011

I don't have much to say

Carmelo doesn't want traded to the Nets...surprise surprise

BgBlue1 is starting pre-school today, not sure what that entails but supposedly it's a big deal.

Blue is searching for a new job...he's very jaded

All the games this weekend are re-matches...so even during the playoffs, the networks are showing re-runs.

61* days until pitchers and catchers report

Iphone is coming out for Verizon February 2010*...it's kind of a big deal, until everyone figures out that the droid OS is better.

I'll still get one though

hiring people might suck more than firing people

I think I should start a used car business. If you can sell 3 cars a month and make 3K off of each of them, that's a nice little business. Of course there's overhead and crap, but I could probably figure that out.

I asked tem why he's so fly he said "funky cold medina"

Tuesday, January 11, 2011

Go War Eagle Tigers

Well Auburn won. It feels a little dirty that they gained all those yards on a play that just doesn't feel right. I mean, the rule is the rule and the kid wasn't down, but he was kind of down if you know what I mean. Sucks for Oregon, their defense kept them in the game on a day when their offense often looked confused and their offensive playcalling seemed suspect at times. For example, the same play on 3rd and 4th and goal? Maybe you want to change that up a bit. I know it just worked for about 5 or 6 yards on 3rd down, but maybe you want to run something different. Tem would have actually kicked the FG there. Tem is a big believer in cutting the lead to a point where a TD would give you the lead if you can do it. Well, not really late in the game, but that was the 3rd qtr. Kind of like TMQs kick early, go for it late theory. OK, almost exactly like that.

Anyway, even though the ending of the game felt a little dirty and the final points came on a last second FG the game still didn't really feel entertaining to me. It was pretty sloppy play by both teams. I feel sorry for the Oregon LB/DE that kept having to WRs. Hell, he couldn't even cover the TE when he had to, he was screwed when he had to cover a WR. Yet the Oregon coaches kept putting him in that position.

At the end of the day though there was enough to keep me interested. Sweet play by Matthews to cause the fumble, sweet 2pt conversion. Sweet running by the Auburn freshman RB (not including the play where he was kind of tackled), sweet catch by an Oregon WR and many things that I am not going to mention.

Well congrats to Auburn, you earned the win, even though it feels a bit dirty. I do wish your coach sounded funnier than he does. Nothing is better than a funny sounding coach giving an interview after winning a big game. When that happens I always wonder how the players take him seriously. Goddman there is a coach that sounds like Mickey Mouse, I can't remember his name, but when he talks I just can't help but laugh. I could never take him seriously.


Les Miles

He beat OSU once already so he is Michigan's dream man....well since Harbaugh said GFY.


Rex Ryan

He talks a lot for a coach who is prone to getting blown out.


NASCAR

Rumors are drivers will only be able to get championship points in 1 series. This should cut back on the number of races anyone cares about. Good idea NASCAR.


Work

Hired a temp to be the big big boss' secretary lady. Now it is social hour for all the chicks. It sounds like The View out there. I closed my door. Effing women. They put me in a shitty mood to start the day. Oh and it is supposed to snow a lot here. Whatever, it hasn't even started snowing yet.


NHL

Vancouver has the most points, they must be the best team. Go Canucks.



OK, I'm done.

Monday, January 10, 2011

Hide yo kids, hide yo wife

By now everyone should of* seen the video on YouzTube, but if you haven't (AHIK*), look up Antoine Dodson on YT. And if this is keeffast, well fuck you.

And now before I go any further, HAHAHAHAHAHAHA rev!!! Beth, sorry your team has to play the Packers, but even you would probably admit that it's worth it to see Philly go down like a ton of bricks. I like being insufferable at rev's expense. WADR. Now all we need is the Pats & Jess* to lose, and the playoffs will be a ::borat voice:: great success!!!

Why does it have to be a ton of bricks? I think a hundred pounds of bricks would fall down pretty hard.

So last week wasn't a grate* week for AZ. First some dude shoots up a mall and then runs over to Baja Fresh because he thought it was the border. Everyone knows that Taco Bell is the border. Der. OMJ. Then another dude shoots up a political meeting at a grocery store and kills* a state representative. I'm not leaving the house ever again. AZ already looks like a fuckt* up state to the rest of the country (world), so this shit probably won't help its image. This is good people, though.

In case everyone didn't already know, freak won the college bowl pick 'em. There's gonna be a big sock hop in Indy next weekend to celebrate.

I think there is an award show next Sunday, (AHTIK), so if there is I will do a running diary. I know there are a few coming up because it seems like all or most of them are in January & February. I would try to talk cmk into doing one, but she is hating life right now so that would probably get me a ::go fuck yourself::. And then I would.

Softball update. Played 2 games, won 1, lost 1. The one we lost was against a team that had to forfeit against us a few weeks back because noone on their team showed up. But the league said that it didn't count because they didn't tell the team that they had a game, which is bullshit. So we didn't get a win for that, and had to play them tonight and lost. Fucking woe is right. ****Attention whore alert**** Went 7-9 on the night which lowered the avg on the season to .800.

Go comment.

Friday, January 07, 2011

Now, youz can't leave

Playoffs are here.

Seattle +10.5
I'm taking the points in Seattle because stranger things have happened. However I am rooting for the Saints to demolish the 'hawks just because they are 7-9 and are disgracing the league. I think Seattle is the biggest playoff dog that's not a Super Bowl in history. You know what though, this Pete Carroll is growing on me. I'm getting soft in my old age (bday right around the corner). He's a goofy fellow but I think it's perfect for that city. His wife used to babysit Lane Kiffin. Father Monte was the DC at Arkansas under Lou Holtz where Carroll was hired as a graduate assitant early in his career. You know you sometimes you can't see behind that goofyness but his resume is pretty solid. Anyway Sean Payton's playcalling is masterful at times and New Orleans shouldn't have a problem winning this game. I just don't think that defense is anywhere near the level it was last year and Seattle may be able to score enough to cover. 28-19

Indy -2.5
The Jets haven't been the same since that spanking they took vs The Tom Brady's. The defense is vulenarable. If there were a time to knock the Colts off for Rex this year would be it. In the off-season they traded for Cromartie, who has had much success vs Manning from his San Diego days, but him and Revis cannot stop everyone. Also Cromartie still has weaknesses, he's not Revis, not even close actually. Whatever weakness he has Manning has already notated and will expose. This guy is sick. Ok. Sick. Everyone talks about Brady and how great he is or whatever and yeah he is great but Manning is like a damn ninja. He makes his wife videotape him brushing his teeth then goes back and reviews the tape on himself brushing his teeth to see if he can improve on his method. Couple that with a loud building and the awfulness that has been the Jets offense at times this year and I don't think it happens for them. 27-13

Baltimore -3
There is just something about this team that loves to break opponents will in their place. I mean they win the biggest road games (cept in Indy). You know KC hasn't been here in awhile, Baltimore is here just about every year. Ray Rice has gotten going just in time and so has Ed Reed. Sure Jamaal Charles has had a legendary year running the ball but let's not forget Baltimore has made better running backs hurt in playoff games. Old school Eddie George. Bettis. Interested to see Cassel's first postseason start, not an ideal opponent to do that against. 21-6

Green Bay +2.5
The Giants laid the blueprint and never closed the deal. Worse part about that game was Mario Manningham's fumble. Honestly, I re-watched it. Not because I am a glutton for punishment but because I didn't believe what I saw that day. Anyway the Packers are one of the few teams that can trade scores with Philly but they also happen to be one of the few defensive teams who can control Vick and the Philly offense. Similar to how the Giants and Vikings did you almost always have to send an additional rusher and rely on man coverage with only one safety. Tramond Williams and Woodson are two of the best cover corners. Woodson is a tremendous blitzing cornerback and Clay Matthews I'm sure will do his best negating Vick's ability to run around the pressure the way he did in that 4th quarter. Now Mc Carthy's in game decision making is terrible but that gets negated by Reid's game clock skills so even there. I think it's high scoring until the Packers get a turnover late and go ahead by two scores. 38-27

Thursday, January 06, 2011

This is Jug's Draft

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Yep his draft was blank. He went through the trouble of setting up a post, but then nothing, nada, zip, zilch, zero. Blank freaking post. Nice post Jug.

In the meantime while we all think about how Jug took this post too slow I'll type some random thoughts.


1) The UnderArmour high school game was a joke. I don't think the kids were trying to do anything but goof off. I know nobody wants to get hurt in that kind of game, but they just seemed to be goofing off.

2) Natalie Portman is in like 5 movies coming out now. She was a busy girl. I'd like to see her naked.

3) Whereever RRod ends up that team will win a conference championship before Michigan does.

4) China has a stealth jet. El Pad is probably freaking out.

5) I think there should be a camp you can go to where they grade your sex skills.

6) I don't like being the CFO and getting 50% CFO money. Maybe 33%. I need to see how much CFOs are paid.

7) I have a Dilbert cartoon about not joining the 401k because I'd never be able to run that far. I laugh everytime I read it. Or have it read to me. It's the simple things.

8) 3/4 of the way through The Other Guys. I definitely got the temhio version. I am mostly bored watching it. Boredom with spells of laughter. That's my analysis so far.

9) 45%....that's the percent chance I give this Cavs hire homeless man story a chance of ending up with a happy ending. Life is hard. He'll fall off the wagon. I hope he doesn't, but I guess I am a pessimist. Guy seems dumb. Picks one of the shittiest parts of town to stand and ask for money.

10) I already stopped caring where Harbaugh ends up.

Wednesday, January 05, 2011

In the year 2011 (conan voice)

The broncos are interviewing Mike Mularky, I like the idea of saying "that's a bunch of mularkey".

Carlos Gonzalez is going to be a Rockie for life...if he only lives to be 32

The knicks don't need Carmelo Anthony and should quit trying to woo him

still think its a bunch of mularkey that tOSU's "infractors" got to play in the game last night...beyond that, good win for them

seeing tressell do the jump bump was unnerving

John Elway era in Denver starts again today...if they go to 5 superbowls in 12 years, then i'll be impressed...all else is fail.

in typical stupid raiders fashion, they fired Tom Cable. He took over a shitty team and got them to 8-8 with a lot of promise for next year...great move Alfred Davis

Mark Cuban is great for all sports.

new overtime rules for the playoffs, i'm pumped...is anyone else hoping all 4 games go to OT just to showcase the new rules?

Good morning you're welcome (NSFW probably)

Tuesday, January 04, 2011

We're off to see the wizard

So I saw Jug had a post up. I thought about just posting his post today. Or cutting an pasting it and pretending it was my post. Then he would look like a copy cat. Ha. Nobody would fall for that.


UFC Talk

Edgar / Maynard draw sounds sweet I guess. Nobody watched though. I might watch the rematch, which means Maynard will beat Edgar in about 3 minutes. It'll be like when Rua rematched Machida. Machida won the first one barely, then tem watched the rematch and Rua KOed Machida quick and seemingly ended Machida's career. Machida hasn't looked good since.

Orange Bowl Talk

Before the game Harbaugh refused to say whether or not he was leaving Stanford...so you're leaving Stanford got it. As. would be a good interviewer because he'd say that.

I have a cold, so I went to bed early and missed what was apparently a dominant second half by Stanford. I guess VT made bad adjustments or no adjustments. Stanford must have made good ones. Those kids are smart.

If you took a drink of beer everytime Gruden says "this guy" or "that guy" you'd get hammered watching a Gruden game.

Gruden Talk

Cleveland people think Gruden is coming to Cleveland because he is a Holmgren lackey. I don't think so Tim. Gruden likes the booth because he gets to say "this guy" and "that guy" all the time. Also he fucks Jaws.

Bert Talk

Bert hits on a lot of chicks. His wife is going to get about $100M in the divorce. NY Jets massueses are suing him and the J-E-T-S JETS JETS JETS right now. They'll settle out of court.



Well I have a 9am call, so I am going to take it. I don't like working so much. Another person in the office is out now. First the CFO goes down with some blood infection. Then the office manager breaks her ankle and the grunt worker's kid is in the hospital. Can't complain about my cold I guess.

Monday, January 03, 2011

Playoffs?

This is my first time posting on the iPad. It feels no different.

NFL season is over. I didn't watch any games yesterday because fantasy football is over and I didn't care anymore. Atlanta and NE are the 1 seeds so they won't make the Super BowlTM.

It was redonk cold this weekend. Highs in the low 40s and lows in the mid 20s. I hate when it's really fucking cold and you go to sit on the pot and the seat is ice cold. That's the worse*.

Big Ten footyball didn't show up this weekend. Let all the haters come out now.

New Years eve suckt as usual. New years is probably my least favorite "holiday". Always a huge buildup and always a huge disappointment.

I was planning on doing a post with everyone's new years resolution but jug stoled that idear. Thanks jug. Now just go not have sex.

Did anyone see Dick Clark on Friday night. It's pretty sad seeing him now. They need to ol' yeller him at this point.

I'm officially 4 weeks away from being responsible for a little person. I should probably be scared but I'm not. I know the little guy\girl should be scared.

My predictions for LOV for 2011. Someone else here will get engaged. Someone else will get knocked up or get someone knocked up. Someone's team will win a world championship. I will get the bet payoff mailed to me from LP. LP will not get the bet payoff from aitch. Mize will move out of his parents' basement and into deluxe's basement. Freak will come out of the closet. TP will have to buy new laptops for the kids. And finally, jug will get to 2nd base.

Goddamn softball was awful again. I hate it. We lost to a coed team whose girls were better than most of our team.

I'm gonna start P90x today. Thanks jug.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino