Monday, October 03, 2011

Phuck Filly

Oh man, I fucking hate Philly so much. Like, really fucking hate them. Everything about Philly. Philly didn't just supplant Boston as the #1 most hated city for me. It flew right past Boston at Mach 3 and now it's Philly #1 at a 150 on a 1-10 scale, Boston is #2 at a 9 and NYC is third at a 7. Fucking Philly. What a shit dump of a place with fucked up sports teams that I hope all rot in hell. Oh how I hate Philly, let me count the ways...

Fucking horrible sports team names. Eagles? Really? Was Wildcats or Cougars already taken? How original. Phillies? Another work of originality. I'm going to start a team in Gilbert and call them the Gillies. Flyers? Fits perfectly with the hockey theme. Except it doesn't. 76ers? Oh that's cute. Herbie* Hancock would be so honored.

Fuck Alex Henery. First off, your last name is so douchey. Is that fucking French or something. If so, let me try to speak in your language, Alex. Um, oui oui, go fuck yourself, Henery. French tard.

I hope Vick and all the rest of the douchedick Eagles lose all of their remaining games and then they all get syphilis and hepatitis and then a weird rash on their a-holes that never goes away.

Next, I hope that the Phillies lose in the last inning of game 5 against the Cards. And I hope that they have riots in the streets of Philly and that they crack the remaining party of the Liberty Bell and that they rip up the Rocky statue and drag it through a field of horse shit because that's what it deserves.

I hope Roy Halladay needs Tommy John. I hope Cliff Lee gets skin cancer. I don't wish bad cancer on him because that would be really mean. But skin cancer would be good, just enough to make him go "oh shit". I hope Victorino & Pence have gay sex with each other for the rest of their lives. I hope Jayson Werth keeps fucking Chase Utley's wife for the rest of his life. But I hope he gives her VD and Chase doesn't know about it so he gets it too. That would be awesome. I hope Cole Hamels doesn't change at all, because he's really effeminate.

I don't wish anything bad upon rev, though. He's just like a big, insufferable teddy manatee. And I don't wish anything bad upon cmrev either. She has to put up with rev every day.

You might be wondering what brought on this rant, like I needed a reason. But I had Philly in my $ suicide pool this week. And Alex Henery cant make a goddamn field goal. So yeah, that was the straw that broke the camel's back. Which is weird that it took a straw because rev is also on the camel's back.

So I'm sitting here in bed writing this and cmk axes what I'm writing about. I tell her it's an I hate Philly post. She axes why I hate Philly so much. I told her I hate everything about Philly and that their fans are insufferable pricks. She says oh. I say "do you know what insufferable means"? She says "yeah, they can't breathe". I swear to God. I started laughing then I told her what it was and we bolth laughed for a few minutes.

110 comments:

Beth said...

Awesome Philly rant.

ns

tOSU sucks said...

the hate is strong with this one

Blue said...

kyle orton sucks

not that the broncos had much of a chance yesterday anyway

Jugdish said...

keef is on the path to the dark side

/mize

Jugdish said...

hopefully I will not be blocked from blogger tomorrow at work

tem said...

how do you really feel?

tem said...

and insufferable = can't breathe is HILARITY.

tem said...

i put that in all caps to emphazie the hilarity.

Blue said...

meiz didn't make a pick in the suicide pool, so he tied with keith.

took a whopping 4 weeks to eliminate everyone

Blue said...

in other words, keith needs to reset

tem said...

in my $$ suicide league there are still 100 of 162 people left.

tem said...

well, that assumes TB wins tonight.

if TB loses about 20 people go out.

Keef said...

Survival is reset

Spaceman Spiff said...

"not that the broncos had much of a chance yesterday anyway"

it was their super bowl though

/meiz

Spaceman Spiff said...

what a shitshow last night, the box score for the QBs was horrendous

Blue said...

the sanchise's QBR from last night was .6


hilarity

Keef said...

A five-minute sex tape showing Tupac receiving oral sex while rapping and dancing has surfaced ... and TMZ has seen it.



Link?

/mize

Keef said...

Fuck QBR

Blue said...

QBR is awesome

Mize said...

We don't stock any sort of habanero or habanero products. This is a travesty.

Blue said...

that's the midwest for ya

Keef said...

That's because fat Sconnie's shit enough

Mize said...

Keith should link today's post on Revbook

The New Mess said...

Cmk story is classic. NS

Blue said...

tebow played yesterday...one snap, he ran for 0 yards

Blue said...

i swear it was only so John Fox wouldn't have to answer the "why didn't you play Tebow" questions this week.

Mize said...

His answer should always be "Because Kyle Orton is a better QB than Tim Tebow"

The New Mess said...

Is that the answer your high school coach gave you, Meiz?

Blue said...

his answer is always "we feel Orton gives us the best chance to win"

but if you're not winning, then chances be damned, and figure out if the kid can be your QB next year or if you have to draft one.

this rebuilding shit has gone on long enough

Blue said...

and Orton sucks...if they're going to be 4-12, i'd rather have them do it with Tebow at QB than go 5-11 with Orton

tem said...

but quinn is the 2nd best QB on that roster.

tem said...

why don't you guys want quinn in there?

tem said...

this UFC card coming up should be good.

i might actually buy it.

Blue said...

"why don't you guys want quinn in there?"

quinn is a FA after this year too, so he won't be back

tem said...

if he won games you could get him back.

Keef said...

ahiik

tem said...

an impossible if i know

Todd Packer said...

nice Philly post, Keith

Todd Packer said...

Brantley is out for lsu... gonna be uglier than the bama game

Todd Packer said...

had a chance to go to the rays game today for free, but tps said no

tem said...

fuck tps

Blue said...

didn't put the approved cover page on my TPS report...hand slap

Blue said...

KOD-

"‘Arrested Development’ creator Mitchell Hurwitz announced at a film festival in New York yesterday that the show would return for one more season (probably on Netflix or Showtime) to update the lives of the characters since the show went off the air 5 years ago, then film a movie."

Keef said...

LP died

El Padrino said...

i agree with this post

El Padrino said...

LP died

for someone who remembers everything im sas you dont remember me saying im off this week

El Padrino said...

time to crack open a burrrrrr

Keef said...

I didn't know you were sans internets access at home. Condolences

Tyler said...

This post was very entertaining. Old school hate blog.

El Padrino said...

I didn't know you were sans internets access at home. Condolences.

mad busy yo

El Padrino said...

im still rocking an HP PC, aint got no laptop or ipad to walk around the house with

and i hate sitting at home at the comp desk

tem said...

because delp uses the booster seat to watch tv?

Spaceman Spiff said...

cookies n creme shake before dentist appt was not a good choice

Spaceman Spiff said...

"An appeals jury on Monday overturned the murder convictions of Amanda Knox and Raffaele Sollecito in the killing of her roommate Meredith Kircher four years ago.

The Kercher family looked on grimly as the verdict was read out"

suite editing by msnbc

Spaceman Spiff said...

andy reid says he is in the business of finding the problem and solving the problem

i would consider that his resignation

tem said...

dumb facebook friend 1: i am in wheeling...

dumb facebook friend 2: me too!

1: where ya at?

2: parkersburg, where u at?

1: wheeling, i have no clue where that is

2: it is about an hour in a half away

Keef said...

Desmond!

Spaceman Spiff said...

suite

Mize said...

Who the fuck is Desmond Jennings?

/Mize

Keef said...

Did anyone see Cameron Marshall's TD run for ASU on Saturday? FF to 2:52 mark. not quite marshawn lynch, but pretty solid

Keef said...

Napoli!

Keef said...

Desmond!

Keef said...

Where the fuck were those last week, schmuck

Spaceman Spiff said...

longoria wants that pitch back

Spaceman Spiff said...

damn, he got it and swung through it

Spaceman Spiff said...

fucking bossman junior

Mize said...

I could go for a really good steak one of these days.

Mize said...

Filet mignon with mushrooms, bacon, Gorgonzola and lots of A-1

Keef said...

Don't ever, EVER ruin a steak by puttin A-1 on it


NFS

Keef said...

98° today, 90 tomorrow, 83 on Wednesday, and 65 on Thursday. Suiteness

Keef said...

Ballgame

Mize said...

We've been over this. I'm not a steak person and I fucking love A-1.

Keef said...

Filet mignon needs no sauce. Have you ever had steak without A1

Keef said...

Let me rephrase...have you ever had a steak > than $10 without A1?

Keef said...

Announcer jinxes are amazing

Keef said...

Tirico: Conor Barth on to kick, he hasnt missed yet this year.



::clank off the upright::

Mize said...

"Let me rephrase...have you ever had a steak > than $10 without A1?"


Yes. It needed A1.

Spaceman Spiff said...

save yourself cash and buy a select sirloin and smother it in A1

Mize said...

"save yourself cash and buy a select sirloin and smother it in A1"


I don't like tough steak

Keef said...

Then why spend a lot on a filet if you don't even like it?

Keef said...

But a fucking hamburger and put A1 on it

Keef said...

Buy

Keef said...

I'm pissed that I woke up at 10:30 yesterday. I would be beating spiff in the Y! league

Mize said...

"Then why spend a lot on a filet if you don't even like it?"

2 things

I do like it

b) Never said anything about spending money on it.

I would never pay for something like that

Spaceman Spiff said...

pitch 3 and pitch 4 were in the same exact location, but according to the ump 3 was a ball, 4 punched him out, awesome job

Spaceman Spiff said...

fucking garcon

Spaceman Spiff said...

blount just went 2010

Spaceman Spiff said...

time for painter to paint

ebntx said...

Wow, still at it I see.

ebntx said...

Since I haven't been on here in so long I forgot what pic was on there. I may regret that after Saturday.

Spaceman Spiff said...

good thing you didnt show up last week and take my bet offer, that was close

Mize said...

Holy fuckballs

Mize said...

Spiff summoned the dead

Mize said...

Where is MVN?

Keef said...

fucking garcon



Holy rap. Huge comeback by CMLP's FB Page

Keef said...

crap*

Jugdish said...

YES! unblocked!

Jugdish said...

Happy New Fiscal Year...although a few days late.

Jugdish said...

ebntx ghost?

suite

Jugdish said...

Don't ever, EVER ruin a steak by puttin A-1 on it


^^^^^^^^

Beth said...

Welcome back daytime Jug.

Todd Packer said...

"Spiff summoned the dead"

spiff is powerful

Todd Packer said...

"Welcome back daytime Jug."

jug can't lov from his phone? I haven't used a computer for lov in about 8 months

Jugdish said...

jug can't lov from his phone? I haven't used a computer for lov in about 8 months



too much of a pain in the ass on my phone

Jugdish said...

the blogger app sucks

Jugdish said...

plus it needs more ram


s

Todd Packer said...

"too much of a pain in the ass on my phone"

I thought so too at first. I'm not using an app on my iPhone, just using safari and it works ok

Beth said...

Of course TP has an iPhone.

s

Blue said...

fuck the yankees

tem said...

go

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