Tuesday, October 04, 2011

The penis mightier

Those SNL Celeb Jeopardy skits crack me up everytime.


Hank Williams got pulled from the MNF theme song because he compared Obama to Hitler in an obscure way. It is funny, he said Obama and the speaker of the house playing golf together would be like Hitler and some Israeli guy playing golf together. Pretty much saying it would be like two enemies playing together, but the media took off with it and said Williams says Obama is Hitler. Fucking media. Need a story? Make one up. I fucking hate the media more than Keith hates Philly.

I'd do a media rant here, but everyone knows the media is full of shit. Ask anyone, they'll say the media blows everything out of proportion. Nobody likes the media. I'd rather have lunch with 100 lawyers than 2 reporters. Me and a reporter having lunch together would be like Hitler eating lunch with Jon Stewart. (Note: I am assuming that Jon Stewart has proclaimed the title of Top Jew.)

UFC Picks

Gray Maynard vs. Frankie Edgar

I'll give it to Maynard. I don't think he has ever lost to Edgar. It should be a grate* fight. Third time could be a charm for Edgar, but I say NO. NO win for you Edgar. Maynard is your new champ.

Jose Aldo vs. Kenny Florian

I always pick Florian to score a win in title bouts and he never does. He shrinks from the challenge. Or he just isn't good enough. Well no more. Florian will probably outweigh Aldo by 15 pounds when this fight starts and he is finally going to break through and become a champ. Then his speech after the fight will be him and his big nose crying because he has worked so hard for it. Although Florian is from Boston or something like that so O:FB could be in full force here. I'm picking Florian anyway.

Chael Sonnen vs. Brian Stann

Sonnen is coming back from roids or testosterone stuff or whatever. Stann is an ex Marine who everyone loves. Sonnen has about 100 times more experience than Stann, but who knows how Sonnen will do now that he is probably not taking the testosterone stuff. I think Sonnen's experience carries him to a win here. He'll take Stann down and ride his face for three rounds.

Melvin Guillard vs. Joe Lauzon

Guillard wins because he is black.

Nam Phan vs. Leonard Garcia

Garcia wins because his name has more than 2 total syllables.

Jeremy Stephens vs. Anthony Pettis

Pettis wins because he sounds like he might be black.

Demian Maia vs. Jorge Santiago

Maia wins because he always looks mad and the other guy has a name that really would be best suited for a great catcher. Like the offspring of any Santiago brother and Jorge Posada.

Stipe Miocic vs. Joey Beltran

Beltran wins because the other guy sounds like he should be in REM.

Steve Cantwell vs. Mike Massenzio

I always pick against Cantwell because his name sounds like can't win. This time I will pick him because he can't lose well. Haha...DYSWIDT?

Aaron Simpson vs. Eric Schafer

Schafer is Eric the Red. Aaron spells his name properly if he is a boy. Still I'll pick the viking guy.

Tiequan Zhang vs. Darren Elkins

Zhang because his name is very funny looking.

113 comments:

Blue said...

whose to say Hank Williams wasn't considering the speaker of the House the Hitler in that scenario?

Beth said...

"I'd rather have lunch with 100 lawyers than 2 reporters."

Me too!

/beth

tem said...

hank later was asked in the interview if he knew he just compared the president to hitler and he said some nonsense that you'd expect pothead Hank to say.

Todd Packer said...

re: hank williams jr

I think the news guy tried giving Hank an out by saying something like "are you sure you want to use hitler in the senario" and Hank said "sure, obama is the enemy". either way you're right reporters suck, but so does country music

Blue said...

"increase in oral cancer linked to HPV"


lot of people eating pussy lately

Blue said...

hooters is suing twin peaks

tem said...

i wish Hooters and Twin Peaks would combine.

The girls at Twin Peaks were better.

Then menu at Hooters is more diverse.

It is 50-50 on which food is better.

Combine the two and you'd have a good place to eat and see boob.

The New Mess said...

Yea, Twin Peaks menu was prettu limited. Fucking chili...

tem said...

the chili mac stuff was good

Jugdish said...

some nonsense that you'd expect pothead Hank to say.



yeah if the media considered the source it wouldn't be a story

Jugdish said...

Yea, Twin Peaks menu was prettu limited. Fucking chili...


no A-1 sauce...sucked

Jugdish said...

/mize

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Tiequan Zhang vs. Darren Elkins

Zhang because his name is very funny looking. "

damn you if you just jinxed the mongolian wolf

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Miocic"

he wears the cro cop shorts and knocks people out, not with left head kicks though, and think it's his debut so who knows if he can knock UFC people out.

beltran can take punishment and comes forward zombie-like, fucking fat heavyweights suck, hope he gets knocked out

Spaceman Spiff said...

ufc 136 countdown show was suite

maynard will probably blanket edgar to ensure he wins the title this time

El Padrino said...

interesting

El Padrino said...

espn should use faith hill now

El Padrino said...

Cooley laughs at Romo for choking, wants to fight him in the cage

make it happen

The New Mess said...

"espn should use faith hill now"

I'm over Faith Hill

Spaceman Spiff said...

you cant get over thighs like what

Spaceman Spiff said...

yes he can

/fmh

Keef said...

bmh*

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Cooley laughs at Romo for choking, wants to fight him in the cage"

damn, now the skins have to win the 2nd meeting this season

Spaceman Spiff said...

"James Harrison will be out a number of weeks with a right eye fracture"

El Padrino said...

ha, so that douche from PFT was wrong again

he's a crackhead

saying harrison said he had an eye unjury when he really had a concussion but was using the eye as a reason to go back into the game

El Padrino said...

last nights qb battle had some gross hair do's

El Padrino said...

jash free with the nasty fro, like a helmet itself

and painter with flowing blond locks looking like a damn bitch

El Padrino said...

yankee fans are FLIPPING OUT cuz AJ is going tonight in an elimination game

El Padrino said...

shit is hilarity

Spaceman Spiff said...

yankees will win

Keef said...

Turn yourself in, LP

Spaceman Spiff said...

is anyone here a marine biologist?

Spaceman Spiff said...

first dominos, now match.com, fabio is getting paid

Keef said...

I saw the Dominos commercial with him yesterday. Hilarity

tem said...

"damn you if you just jinxed the mongolian wolf"

you know i did.

tem said...

"beltran can take punishment and comes forward zombie-like, fucking fat heavyweights suck, hope he gets knocked out"


they are HDH entertaining until they get gassed. for 1 round or so his fights are awesome.

tem said...

"you cant get over thighs like what"

chicks with thighs like what* are everywhere

/meiz

Tyler said...

RE: Hank Williams; I just don't know what FOX News was thinking; they had him on to specifically talk about politics. What did they think was going to happen?

Tyler said...

And his whole stance is pretty much why nothing can get done in Warshington*. He basically said both sides shouldn't be talking to each other and all. Yeah, that is totally going to help.

Mize said...

Just had this thought.

Only 2 months until ice fishing.

Mize said...

"And his whole stance is pretty much why nothing can get done in Warshington*. He basically said both sides shouldn't be talking to each other and all. Yeah, that is totally going to help."


Yes. People are morons. We should go to a monarchy.

Tyler said...

His answers to the follow-up questions were awesome too. FOX News guy would ask something like, "Hank do you really believe that?", obviously a softball question so he could dig himself out of the hole he's dug and Hank would simply say, "OH YEAH!".

tem said...

Hank is awesome. no doubt.

tem said...

"We should go to a monarchy."

i would be a great king.

tem said...

tyler gets married in like 4 days.

tem said...

some chick just walked by.

she is pregnant. my guess is that she is 11 months pregnant. her belly is huge. sticks out like 2 and a half feet.

Tyler said...

5 days. Last thing I heard from FMTyler when I left this morning. Made me a little depressed.

tem said...

you taking friday off work?

Tyler said...

Friday and Monday. I will be printing and cutting out a ton of stuff for the wedding on Friday.

tem said...

arts and crafts sucks

tem said...

fmtem and i had to print, cut and glue some rehearsal dinner invites. it was a pain.

El Padrino said...

5 days. Last thing I heard from FMTyler when I left this morning. Made me a little depressed.


hahahahahahahhahaaa

El Padrino said...

dont hire a photographer

no pics, no evidence it happened

El Padrino said...

not for nothing, being off is suite but hot damn im bored

tem said...

you get a lot of vacation.

weren't you just off last month for like a week?

El Padrino said...

everyone is lighting up romo and i love it but jason garret is a terrible play caller and deserves some blame for that loss

El Padrino said...

"weren't you just off last month for like a week?"

I DRIVE A DODGE STRATUS. I'M A REGIONAL MANAGER.

El Padrino said...

aja i get 4.5 weeks
(that's 4 weeks vaca, 3 personal days or mental day off as jug would say)

i have to take 7 consecutive days once a year

i take one week in the summer and 7 days in the fall then spread out the other days for long weekends

El Padrino said...

and i get unlimited sick, which i never even use because im not black

tem said...

unlimited sick sounds unlikely.

Keef said...

"not for nothing, being off is suite but hot damn im bored"



You watching the kids?

Jugdish said...

unlimited sick sounds unlikely


He's like Kramer: "I don't really even work here."

Jugdish said...

and i get unlimited sick


i get that


/freak

Keef said...

oh wait, I thought you said sock

/freak

Jugdish said...

ha!

Todd Packer said...

"/freak"

dude that sits in front of me this season at the gator games reminds me of freak. he complains about every call and is way too into the chomp/crowd activities... gotta get a pic of him in action next game

Keef said...

Stern won't rule out late start to NBA season


der

Keef said...

gotta get a video of him in action next game

*fized

Jugdish said...

he complains about every call


freak twitter posts during a colts game are almost at a rev facebook level

Todd Packer said...

"gotta get a video of him in action next game

*fized"

good fix

Todd Packer said...

got video from last game, but all you can see is his hands in the lower lefthand corner... he was wearing an orange body suit (ns). i'll see if i can link it

Blue said...

"The home of the New Orleans Saints and site of six Super Bowls will be renamed the Mercedes-Benz Superdome under a deal with the German automaker, the team and company said Tuesday"

because when I think Mercedes, I think of Louisiana, and vice versa

Spaceman Spiff said...

"because when I think Mercedes, I think of Louisiana, and vice versa"

cmon son

Number one rapper, dippin low low
In a kompressor sippin mo-mo

Spaceman Spiff said...

call it lil-weezy-ana, thats the new plan

Todd Packer said...

can you upload a .mov file to blogger?

tem said...

i can not. i don't know how.

tem said...

maybe you should walk adrian beltre today.

Keef said...

I'm not pitching to him

Blue said...

it seems like you might be

tem said...

maybe keith should have been pitching to him.

Jugdish said...

or gramtica

tem said...

bill or martin?

both pretty much couldn't do worse than giving up 3HRs.

Jugdish said...

gramatica even

Keef said...

Authorities say at least one person is dead and multiple others are injured after a blinding dust storm rolled across the Arizona desert Tuesday afternoon, causing pileup crashes involving at least 30 vehicles on Interstate 10 northwest of Tucson




I'm in that dust storm now

Keef said...

At least Tampa is only giving up solo HRs

tem said...

keep blogging in the dust storm. it is safe.

Keef said...

I'm in a parking lot

tem said...

so?

Keef said...

exactly

El Padrino said...

no wife home too, im watching them tw and thurs

El Padrino said...

just watched pooholes and berkman pull off a double steal, pooholes stealing third

thought the replay was slo-mo but was indeed real time speed

El Padrino said...

good bye rays, thanks for Boston

Keef said...

I was watching game one of the Cards/Faggies series and there was a dude behind the plate holding a sign that said "Pu-jols are stinky"

Keef said...

turd

Keef said...

Less than three months after breaking off their engagement at the VERY last minute, Kristin Cavallari and Jay Cutler were seen holding hands in L.A. today.

Keef said...

NBC canceled the playboy club. Shocking

Keef said...

Mize, today is national vodker day

Mize said...

"freak twitter posts during a colts game are almost at a rev facebook level"


THERE ARE AT LEAST 3 BUCCANEERS LINED UP OFFSIDES! HOW CAN I BE THE ONLY ONE THAT SEES THIS?

Spaceman Spiff said...

bases loaded, 1 out, pooholes on deck

lidge pitching

Spaceman Spiff said...

manuel knows, he brings madson in

Spaceman Spiff said...

ha, double play, batter would have been better off not swinging at any pitch, just needed to get pujols up there WFT

Mize said...

"The national average wage is $22.60."


Holy fuck.

Keef said...

Cubs gonna get Epstein

Tyler said...

Aaron Hill is still playing professional baseball?

Tyler said...

Bloomquist should have been called out.

Tyler said...

Dirty Snakes strike first.

Tyler said...

Oh man, I can't watch baseball because the DVR is going to record Tosh.0 and Top Shot.

Tyler said...

2-0 D-Bags.

Keef said...

Tosh is naked. Weird

Mize said...

"Tosh is naked. Weird"


Gotta DVR that! No baseball for me!

/Tyler

Mize said...

"Good night, moon.

Actually, I would like to take this moment to point out that I think that book is very creepy. Doesn't anyone else find it odd that there is an old lady rabbit that is ginormous in size that has little kittens playing in her room? Also a cow jumping over a moon? And saying good night to a red balloon. Whole thing is weird to me. But then again, I love Dr. Seuss, and I don't question his work."



I should correct this fb status, right?

Mize said...

Ballgame

Blue said...

that's no seusss

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