Friday, September 16, 2011

Picksssssssss (lisp)

BILLS -3.5 over Raiders
6-19 on the East Coast since representing the AFC in the Super Bowl what seems like 100 years ago. Anyone else have trouble remembering what year Super Bowls were? Anyway, Bills are going to be monsters against the spread this year. In the rare game they give out points I'll bite. Playing in Buffalo is like playing on a different continent.

DETROIT -8 over KC
firetoddhaley.com is in full effect. Once Detroit gets ahead they will blitz the living shit out of the Chiefs to bury them.

BALTIMORE -6 over Tennessee
Titans had trouble scoring vs Jacksonville, at home with the "best" back in the league. Something tells me they'll struggle in Baltimore.

COLTS +2.5 over Cleveland
I know the Colts are still trying to figure out how to compete without the big fella but Houston smelled blood and went after it. The Browns looked totally out of synch and do not pose matchup problems for the Colts the way Houston does.

Tampa +3 over VIKES
Got nothing. Both teams are eh. McNabb, it's over for you buddy.

Bears +7 over SAINTS
New Orleans win because they need to avoid an 0-2 start and the Superdome will be rocking but giving 7 points to a team that can control the line of scrimmage is high to me.

JETS -9.5 over Jags
Hate the line but can't think of a reason to take Jags so I guess I agree with the line. Just wish it was less for betting purposes.

STEELERS -14.5 over Seahawks
I'd like to meet the guy taking the Seahawks here. Even Pete Carroll's mommy is laying the wood on the Stillirs. Sure they look old and might struggle a bit this year. But hot damn Tavaris Jackson is gonna need a "mental health" day after LeBeau is done fucking with him.

SKINS -3.5 over Arizona
Before Kurt Warner Arizona really didn't travel well and after Kurt Warner that started to happen again. Shanny knows AZ has problems against the run so he'll pound them out like and the Skins will be relevant for the first time in years in the NFC East.

Packers -10 over PANTHERS
Very tempted to take the home dog after watching some Cam Newton highlights. Boy was impressive no doubt. But Dom Capers along with Clay Matthews is a step up from the junk Newton saw in Arizona last week. And nothing is stopping the offense of Aaron Rodgers right now. Guy has like 7 weapons. How deep is that team?

Cowboys -3 over SAN FRAN
Dallas, well Romo, blew that game. I know I know he's the best, he's awesome, he's clutch. Whatever. He sucks ok. But the Cowboys as a team are alot better than the 49ers at this point and they really dinged up Mark Sanchez. 49er line will be tested often.

DENVER -4 over Cincy
Fox doesn't want to go 0-2 here because the cries for Tebow will be overwhelming.

MIAMI +3 over Houston
Pretty much a must-win already for fins. I wish they'd stop ramming Bush up the middle. TWSS. And I hope Houston is practicing outside this week to get used to the Miami heat. Especially since I'm certain they'll be forced to wear their road blues.

Chargers +7 over NEW ENGLAND
That up and coming secondary will be tested and Brady is unnerved a bit by a good pass rush. This game is close, maybe FG close. Potential AFC playoff game preview.

ATLANTA +2.5 over Philly
Matt Ryan cannot let Mike Vick win this battle. He'll need all hands on deck and smart play calling from Mularkey who is one of the best in my opinion. How about Mike Turner off tackle 30 times or so to control tempo and keep Vick sitting. Huge game for Atlanta. HUGE.

GIANTS -6 over Rams
Too many key players missing for Rams. Giants already in desperation mode due to NY media scrutiny.

537 comments:

1 – 200 of 537   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Dammit, ep picked the Falcons. Oh well, 0-2 it is I guess.

Blue said...

suck it haterz

Rex Went Balls Deep said...

i need to shuffle more, i dont shuffle everyday

Rex Went Balls Deep said...

i should change my name back

Blue said...

everyotherday i'm shufflin

Blue said...

meiz and h at the summit

tem said...

what is shufflin?

El Padrino said...

love lonely island

El Padrino said...

i aint saying nuttin but

go tampa

El Padrino said...

how to shuffle

El Padrino said...

weekend at bernies, fore realz

El Padrino said...

my boss says the wierdest fucking things

El Padrino said...

he told me he needs a back of the envelope on this account

does that mean i cant use the calculator?

El Padrino said...

the other day he was like we cant go in there with spit and bail wire


the fuck

did we run out of pens?

El Padrino said...

Floyd this weekend

real fighting

El Padrino said...

pooled money together and bought in fine imported cured/salted meats for lunch

got like 6 kinds of salumi's

El Padrino said...

didnt even have to use the AK

El Padrino said...

although i got work later so today blows

tem said...

"he told me he needs a back of the envelope on this account"


a quick projection. not neccessarily 100% accurate, but close.

you can use a calculator and a computer.

he might not want an audit trail on it though

tem said...

"the other day he was like we cant go in there with spit and bail wire"

never heard this one before.

El Padrino said...

it means, essentially, out of ammo

i think

tem said...

you usually take guns to meetings?

El Padrino said...

he's weird bro

tem said...

i need some cash for the summit.

i think i'll whore myself out to 10 fat chicks for $500 a piece.

Beth said...

"i think i'll whore myself out to 10 fat chicks for $500 a piece."

They have to be fat? Dammit, that eliminates me.

tem said...

dude at work just dropped a "back of the envelope"

ns


happens here a lot

tem said...

skinny chicks pay less. they aren't where the money is made.

you'll have to settle for el pad.

Beth said...

"you'll have to settle for el pad"

Sorry, I have a height requirement.

tem said...

blue?

tem said...

he is rich too, so he might pay you.

El Padrino said...

happens here a lot

fucking accountants

El Padrino said...

"Sorry, I have a height requirement."

if you add the cock seperately 6'3

Blue said...

"he told me he needs a back of the envelope on this account

does that mean i cant use the calculator?"

also back of the napkin. it means a quick summary that doesn't have to be exact, but get the key points

Spaceman Spiff said...

"SKINS -3.5 over Arizona"

revenge jinx eh

El Padrino said...

nah, arizona wont be able to stop run

tem said...

"if you add the cock seperately 6'3"


6'3" - 5'9.5" = 5.5"

tem said...

that's a back of the envelope analysis

Spaceman Spiff said...

popcorn.gif

tem said...

what?

Beth said...

"6'3" - 5'9.5" = 5.5"

I guess I should add I have a length requirement too.

Spaceman Spiff said...

waiting for EP to come back with a vengeance

popcron.gif

Spaceman Spiff said...

anyone watch the belichick thing last night

You know my motto said...

freak, the commish

El Padrino said...

dvr

El Padrino said...

"6'3" - 5'9.5" = 5.5"

ok here is the truth

i'm really only 5 foot 9

no half

El Padrino said...

i've lived the lies long enough

You know my motto said...

ok here is the truth

i'm really only 5 foot 9

no half



so you're really 5'8.5"

Beth said...

"i've lived the lies long enough"

You probably live in Cleveland too.

El Padrino said...

i live in lawng island


s

Beth said...

So really the Jersey Shore, got it.

El Padrino said...

ha

You know my motto said...

he has a two pack and his friends call him "The Circumstance"

El Padrino said...

disney princess, dirty texts

El Padrino said...

“Glen Rice is a wonderful man. He’s a wonderful guy,” Tyson said, “But you want her to be with somebody like [Dennis] Rodman getting up in there. Pushing her guts up in the back of her head!

“Glen Rice is a nice, mellow, docile man, non-threatening black guy — you want someone like Rodman — yeah baby! Imagine Palin with a big old black stallion ripping — yeehaw!”



yes!

Spaceman Spiff said...

"yes!"

read that yesterday, thought it was a parody type thing at first

iron mike is slowly coming back

El Padrino said...

Madonna (August 2008 – end 2008): .258/.366/.511 in 50 games.

Kate Hudson (Late May 2009 – end 2009): .302/.419/.560 in 129 games, including postseason.

Cameron Diaz (July 2010 – Sept. 15, 2011): .274/.349/.498 in 156 games.



clearly kate hudson, as we probably ALL have thought, is the best fuck

tem said...

what the fuck does that even mean?

tem said...

what's with this trend, mostly by el tardo, of attaching baseball stats to non-baseball / non-sports shit??

Spaceman Spiff said...

hilarity

watch the video of the dude's recap at the bottom of the article

tem said...

it's not cool to say shit like

i had a dominant year at work this year. i was basically .333 / .600 / .750

Spaceman Spiff said...

kid got jacked up

mouthpiece flew out and everything

Spaceman Spiff said...

"what's with this trend, mostly by el tardo, of attaching baseball stats to non-baseball / non-sports shit??"

think those are arods baseball stats whilst involved with those women, so theyre real stats

tem said...

that makes more sense. thanks and regards.

Blue said...

i'm not a kate hudson fan

but i'm not a madonna or cameron diaz fan eitehr

tem said...

yeah we know, you are a tebow fan.

Mize said...

Sweet baby Tesus

El Padrino said...

kate hudson will swallow your babies thne ask for more is what im sayin

Blue said...

i had a dream where Tebow was an old dirty bum, and i was about to sock him in the face because, well he's an old dirty bum, but then i thought, there's something special about him.


because it was Tebow, right?

Yeah

Beth said...

"i was about to sock him in the face because, well he's an old dirty bum"

Finally someone gets it!!!

/tp

Blue said...

if FSU wins this weekend, they cruise to the BCS title game right?

Beth said...

You forgot the "AHIIK".

El Padrino said...

wrong

El Padrino said...

early favs always lose a game

El Padrino said...

about november you hear cbs guys talking up a 2 loss SEC team for NC game because a week earlier an undefeated "weaker" conf team lost it's first game to a school it had no business losing too

science

Blue said...

only a small if

Blue said...

"arly favs always lose a game"

except when they don't

Blue said...

LSU/Florida State in the BCS championship

i'm calling it right now

Blue said...

artest's name change is final

he's legally metta world peace

El Padrino said...

"except when they don't"

have you watched the past 3 years of collitch footyball?

El Padrino said...

i specifically recall one year like 4 weeks in a row a #1 went down

El Padrino said...

i'm calling it right now

standard bet?

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Recently in the Grantland offices, we developed a nasty conversational habit of discussing everything like stocks."

tem, eltardo has moved on from fake baseball stats

El Padrino said...

belt and suspenders approach

new one just now

boom

El Padrino said...

i imagine that would be a extreme caution approach

no one wears a belt AND suspenders

You know my motto said...

new one just now



he probably has a book of sayings like that in his bathroom at home

You know my motto said...

"Changing my name was meant to inspire and bring youth together all around the world," World Peace said



idiot

tem said...

"tem, eltardo has moved on from fake baseball stats"

i just read that.

fake stock picks don't piss me off as much as the fake baseball stuff.

tem said...

i wouldn't say i like it. but i don't hate it.

i'm holding onto my 500 shares of refering to everything as stock purchases.

tem said...

el pad boss - yeah i just told him belth and suspenders approach, what the fuck does that even mean?

gollum - good one boss. the other day i was just eating raw garlic in front of him.

el pad boss - poor guy must be super confused.

gollum - yeah, let's send him another fake job...instead of french people this time let's do iranians!

el pad boss - awesome! we can offer to double his salary, he'll be torn between USA USA! and money.

You know my motto said...

gollum - no, let's send cunty back down to his office for the day. he loves that

tem said...

el pad boss - good one. we can tell him to make her feel like a folder in a cabinet. he won't even know what we mean.

You know my motto said...

gollum - I took his newspaper again this morning. that makes me laugh every time.

You know my motto said...

el pad boss - have you tried his sauce? its awful!

tem said...

gollum - yeah his wife bitches about it all the time on facebook!

Spaceman Spiff said...

dem tits

El Padrino said...

retards

You know my motto said...

el pad boss - I still can't believe he wears a size 7 shoe.

tem said...

gollum - 7 and a HALF

El Padrino said...

Reality hits you hard, bro.


from spiffs link

god damn hilarity

El Padrino said...

piece

You know my motto said...

el pad boss - there he goes, always cutting out early.

You know my motto said...

pube is not a word on words with friends

Mize said...

"kid got jacked up"


Mother of god.

Mize said...

LP has a small dick?

SHOCKING





ssssssssssssssssssssssssss

Mize said...

"Floyd this weekend

real fighting"


Running away and turning your back to your opponent?

Oh.

Mize said...

Well fine then. I'll just sit here by myself.

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Rodriguez (thumb) will play Friday, the Yankees' official site reports"

aaaaaaaaaand there's that familiar 'x' next to his name

real official site they got there

Mize said...

Oh my. UFC is Jon Jones vs Rampage?

Yeah, we gotta watch that.

Spaceman Spiff said...

i miss jbox chili cheese curly fries

Spaceman Spiff said...

the UFC card tomorrow looks like shit

tem didnt even do UFC picks

Spaceman Spiff said...

canceling netflix, gonna stream movies/tv using icefilms, tried it out last night, 25 second wait but they got better selection and its free

Spaceman Spiff said...

even have HD

Spaceman Spiff said...

meiz is in heaven

Mize said...

ha

Mize said...

I was thinking about this. If I recall, BW2 is one of those places that doesn't like it's patrons too hammered. Based on last year's performance, we might not want to go to BW2 for UFC. Just sayin'.

Todd Packer said...

"meiz is in heaven"

hilarity

Mize said...

Packer,

Its September 16, bro.

Meg said...

I won $60 playing blackjack today

Meg said...

Cmk picked Denver in our suicide pool. Stings the nostrils

Mize said...

Oooofff

You know my motto said...

fmjug and i were out at dinner tonight...sat out on the patio of this restaurant. This dude was leaving and found it necessary to rev his motorcycle engine up a few times like a douche to let everyone know how awesome he is. he rides out of the parking lot to the red light and revs it up a few more times. light turns green, he makes a right turns and goes to gun it, loses control and crashed his bike in the street.

You know my motto said...

he broke at least one limb, maybe two

Spaceman Spiff said...

"he broke at least one limb, maybe two"

proper reaction

Meg said...

"a quick projection. not neccessarily 100% accurate"


Right in LP's wheelhouse

Mize said...

I hate that our office music has the WEP in the rotation. So lame.

Pass the Lysol said...

one burden I've never had to carry is dealing with office music


my dad sold clothes at JC Penny's for many years, and was tortured from 3 months of constant Christmas tunes, and 9 months of today's top 40 garbage. I think I'd go postal

Mize said...

Ours if pretty good for the most part. The main flaw is the oldies on Thursday afternoons. I know all the songs, but they play some of the extra corny shit from the 50's.

Mize said...

The best shit is that I get to hear Hey Paula once a week on those Thursdays though. Great song.

Pass the Lysol said...

Hey Paula once a week on those Thursdays though. Great song.



hey hey Paula, I want to marry you...



nice! A lot of 50s shit is corny for sure, but I dig a limited sample (not Elvis though, never liked him other than fat 70s Elvis); mid-late 60s is when shit started really going right in the music industry IMO

Mize said...

Yeah, I'm not an Elvis fan.

There are only two types of people in the world.

Mize said...

This embodies Wisconsin:

One of our sales people brings us bagels on Fridays. Without fail, the whole wheat bagels are always left for last.

Pass the Lysol said...

"There are only two types of people in the world."


Ha! I use that line w/ Neil Diamond, taken from some overall forgettable movie from the 2000s

Mize said...

"Ha! I use that line w/ Neil Diamond, taken from some overall forgettable movie from the 2000s"

If Saving Silverman is forgettable, we can't be friends.

Mize said...

I don't even know if its from that movie. Just making assumptions.

Mize said...

Its hard to believe the Breer's could leave Cincinnati with 90 wins.




And the Astros don't even have 50 yet. 49 fucking wins?

Pass the Lysol said...

If Saving Silverman is forgettable, we can't be friends.


it's the one where they kidnap the dude's gf; I dunno, probably that one. Possibly forgettable due to my own actions before seeing the film, just remember being bored and the ND line

Mize said...

"it's the one where they kidnap the dude's gf"


Yep. That's it.

Meg said...

Happy Gilmore's grandma died

Spaceman Spiff said...

meiz likes saving silverman for one scene and one scene only, where zahn attempts to suck his own dick

Spaceman Spiff said...

ufc prelims at 530ET on facebook

Mize said...

"meiz likes saving silverman for one scene and one scene only, where zahn attempts to suck his own dick"


I don't recall that part.

ns

Spaceman Spiff said...

it was hilarity

Mize said...

Time Warner is out of pocket for not allowing access to ESPN3 via XBox.

Spaceman Spiff said...

had no clue romanowski was a chowd, explains a lot

Mize said...

"had no clue romanowski was a chowd, explains a lot"


Wow, we're in the same boat.

Meg said...

Is that boat sinking?

/blue

Meg said...

Goddamn Spartans

Meg said...

Nice fake field goal, fags

Spaceman Spiff said...

ucla player destroyed

gif

Meg said...

Jesus

Meg said...

Cmk was going to do some shopping last night and she axed if I needed anything for the trip next weekend. I said condoms, but she didn't think it was funny

Mize said...

Do all women lose their sense of humor once they get married?

Meg said...

Probably

Meg said...

She dint get pissed over it, just didn't laugh

Meg said...

didn't

Mize said...

"She dint get pissed over it, just didn't laugh"


Right.

Meg said...

Does Ortiz have any shot tonight?

Mize said...

Nick Barnett is such a herb.

Mize said...

"Does Ortiz have any shot tonight?"

Nah.

"Mayweather is between a -600 and -800 favorite, with Ortiz between +400 and +525"

Mize said...

Yahoo is streaming the off-air undercards at 7PM EDT

Meg said...

3 days for me if May wins, 1 week for you if Ortiz wins

Mize said...

Sure

Mize said...

PPV for the fight in the UK in less than half the price it is here.

Mize said...

Wow, Warshington.

Spaceman Spiff said...

then the UKers stream that shit for us

Spaceman Spiff said...

think ive mentioned it on here, they get UFC PPVs for 'free', they just pay for ESPN every month and no extra charge for UFC events

Spaceman Spiff said...

but then you have to live in the UK, ill just settle for their streams

Spaceman Spiff said...

video of that ucla play

shows the other angle

Mize said...

"then the UKers stream that shit for us"


Yuuup!

Spaceman Spiff said...

brian wilson with the nike mags on in the dugout yesterday

Mize said...

"brian wilson with the nike mags on in the dugout yesterday"


Saw that. 2 Thoughts.

1) The non-functional ones look awful. Why put that product out?

2) Fucking gross.

Spaceman Spiff said...

holy shit

never seen that hit before, dude got knocked out on a straight up hit, no blindside/defenseless whatever, just straight up fucked up

Meg said...

Mize loves him some Brian Wilson

Spaceman Spiff said...

"1) The non-functional ones look awful. Why put that product out?"

you know the answer $$$/further hype the 2015s

Spaceman Spiff said...

tampa using this moore guy in a big situation, he's throwing 97 with what looks like no effort

Meg said...

He just misses the zone by 3 feet every other pitch

Mize said...

So we don't get to bet on fights on FSB? Lame.

Spaceman Spiff said...

2 broken bats in a row

Meg said...

So we don't get to bet on fights on FSB? Lame.




You can bet on wnba

Meg said...

Fucking desmond

Meg said...

Jay mohr tonight

Mize said...

"You can bet on wnba"

Thank god for that.

Spaceman Spiff said...

cameraman just trolled the boston fans sitting at home

Meg said...

Nice camera work, fox

Mize said...

Welp, Michael Ian Black thoroughly clowned one of our accounts on Twitter today.

Meg said...

Here come the ND fans on fb

Meg said...

Weird seeing ASU on BTN

Meg said...

Zook looks like such a douchebag

Meg said...

Good start for tOSU

Spaceman Spiff said...

angels getting no hit by britton nomsayin

Mize said...

Fight time, baby!

Spaceman Spiff said...

well that was hilarity

Spaceman Spiff said...

never ever get to see a boxer take a free shot, so that was suite

Spaceman Spiff said...

then larry got feisty

Spaceman Spiff said...

entertaining all around

Spaceman Spiff said...

started watching breaking bad the other day, episode 2 sucked but i will keep going

Spaceman Spiff said...

cant get over the look on the ref's face as ortiz is getting tagged

Spaceman Spiff said...

episode 3 sucks too, the fuck

Spaceman Spiff said...

wouldnt mind nfl matchup being an hour long show, they could cut down on the circlejerking though. guess that could be said for any of these shows

Spaceman Spiff said...

bold

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Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino