Wednesday, May 18, 2011

Things that confuse me

Vanity plates- is your message that important?

women who hyphenate their last name - since this started happening the divorce rate has tripled, coincidence?

horror movies - why would someone want to be scared on purpose?

MMA - i would think their hands and feet would hurt afterwards

italics - just because?

air quotes - put your fingers away

people who say "whom" - (did you see my airquotes)

door to door landscapers - can't you see i already have grass, or is this an indictment on my ability to grow grass

fat women in heels - yes, those shoes make your cows look more like calves

fat women in miniskirts - oh good, i was wondering what your upper thighs looked like

signs telling me you just raised the prices - i didn't know what the price was before, but now i feel like i'm getting cheated

all you can eat buffets - as opposed to the other kind of buffets where you can only eat a certain amount.

187 comments:

Blue said...

my favorite thing about the draft lottery


in a draft class that is considered to be the weakest in the last 10 years or so, the cavs got the first and the fourth pick.

El Padrino said...

"fat women in miniskirts"

thighs like what, what what

El Padrino said...

the thing is with that, how does anyone know if its a week draft

like truly know

Beth said...

Smoltz just misses qualifying for the US Open.

Damn wind.

Keef said...

He just missed advancing to the next round of qualifying

Blue said...

"the thing is with that, how does anyone know if its a week draft"

they know

El Padrino said...

"Austin is the latest city to get its own high-profile food and wine festival, and this one is slated to be bike-friendly. The organizers of the popular Austin City Limits music event are working with Food & Wine to launch the Austin Food & Wine Festival. It will likely debut in March 2012."

im in who is coming!

Keef said...

Smoltz, the future baseball Hall of Famer who is more recently known as the golfer who missed the cut at last month’s Nationwide Tour event in Valdosta by 27 strokes


He played grate, despite missing the cut by 27

/H & TP

Blue said...

it's may bro

Beth said...

"He just missed advancing to the next round of qualifying"

Damn, you're right, my bad.

El Padrino said...

sanchise had an in n out truck at his "minicamp"

El Padrino said...

blue you didnt see it but i air quoted the shit out of "minicamp" in my last comment

El Padrino said...

He played grate, despite missing the cut by 27

/H & TP


was gonna do that

fucking goalie gives up 5 and 6 goals and these two fools are saying the goalies played well

the fuck

El Padrino said...

i did well on the series 7 test a few years ago despite failing

Contract the Gophers said...

"And random question for you Kod. You ever read any of the Prey series books by John Sandford? They are all murder mysteries books set in Minnesota. (I'm listening to the latest one on CD these days.)"


no, haven't heard of him. Are they any good? I like shit based in or about Minnesota (ns).

tem said...

"im in who is coming!"

relax, its may bro

Contract the Gophers said...

"women who hyphenate their last name - since this started happening the divorce rate has tripled, coincidence?"


I don't think so. Cmkod wanted to hyphen, I said no....take mine or keep your own, stop this in-between nonsense

tem said...

i've never seen a sign telling me they just raised the price

tem said...

i think when two people get married they should just pick a brand new last name.

Contract the Gophers said...

"people who say "whom" - (did you see my airquotes)"


are you confused when people use the word correctly? Because I'm confused why correct grammar would confuse you

or are you just confused on when to use it, because that is kind of confusing

El Padrino said...

roast a chicken and fuck

Contract the Gophers said...

"i think when two people get married they should just pick a brand new last name."


that's a pretty cool idea (ns). Personally I wouldn't want to change my last name, but I could see that as a good compromise for some couples

El Padrino said...

"i think when two people get married they should just pick a brand new last name."


stupidest idea ive ever heard

El Padrino said...

dirty dirk last night

El Padrino said...

mavs look hungry, instead of scurred

El Padrino said...

who gaurds dirk if they advance

joke noah?

lebron?

Blue said...

"i've never seen a sign telling me they just raised the price"


saw this this morning. "we value using the freshest ingredients...blah blah blah, due to rising costs we've had to adjust our prices on some items"

Beth said...

"no, haven't heard of him. Are they any good? I like shit based in or about Minnesota (ns)."

Yeah, they're quite good. They have a recurring main character who's a federal cop and they talk about Minnesota landmarks and streets and the weather quite a bit.

tem said...

"stupidest idea ive ever heard"

not even close to the dumbest idea you've ever heard.

Contract the Gophers said...

"Yeah, they're quite good. They have a recurring main character who's a federal cop and they talk about Minnesota landmarks and streets and the weather quite a bit."


nice; thanks for the heads up, now that I've exhausted our library's Klosterman collection, I've been looking for some other summer reading material (I only read for fun in the summer, where I can do it outdoors)

Contract the Gophers said...

speaking of doing it outdoors, cmkod put a "cialis" tub in our backyard on Tuesday; I approved

El Padrino said...

Leonardo DiCaprio is doing Blake Lively now

El Padrino said...

cialis tub?

Contract the Gophers said...

cialis tub?


Yeah, you know those cialis ads where the couple is outside in separate bathtubs about to get intimate


kind of like that, but just one tub to share

Blue said...

cialis tub

El Padrino said...

ah, i continue to be amazed

Keef said...

best city on earth

Keef said...

"speaking of doing it outdoors, cmkod put a "cialis" tub in our backyard on Tuesday; I approved"


Ironic. Cmtp just boat* TP some cialis

Contract the Gophers said...

ha! that's funny

Keef said...

Blue: can we get one of those cialis tubs?

Cmblue: no

Blue said...

we have one, it's called a hot-tub

Blue said...

"Meanwhile, the reward for information leading to the arrest and conviction of the two suspects is now $200,000 after the Dodgers added $100,000 to the total Tuesday"


the dodgers can't cover their payroll but they can add to the reward money?

Keef said...

I like how the police say they shifted their focus the a Mexican woman who was wearing an Ethier jersey. They should find her in no time

El Padrino said...

we have one, it's called a hot-tub

time machine?

Contract the Gophers said...

"we have one, it's called a hot-tub"


yeah, six figures must be nice

Contract the Gophers said...

cialis tub = wisky tango hot tub

Keef said...

I have a hot tub from June-September

Jugdish said...

oh good, i was wondering what your upper thighs looked like


hilarity

Jugdish said...

they talk about Minnesota landmarks and streets and the weather quite a bit.



like that big pile of snow

Jugdish said...

im in who is coming!



0%

Keef said...

24-24 from the FT line is pretty good

Keef said...

"0%"

exactly

El Padrino said...

"24-24 from the FT line is pretty good"

but he didnt play that well

/h/tp

Jugdish said...

yob opening for mize

Jugdish said...

but he didnt play that well



this era can be fun

H said...

"fucking goalie gives up 5 and 6 goals and these two fools are saying the goalies played well"

Sometimes you gotta stats beyond the stats. If you watched the game you'd agree with me and Packer. Most of the goals, the goalies had zero chance on. One even deflected off if Tim Thomas face when he lost his mask. But both goalies made some huge saves to keep their team in it.

tem said...

"Sometimes you gotta stats beyond the stats"


ymsoab

H said...

Stats beyond the stats is suite*

Todd Packer said...

"fucking goalie gives up 5 and 6 goals and these two fools are saying the goalies played well"

i said Thomas played well... lightning goalie got pulled after the 2nd. obviously you guys didn't watch the game Thomas did play well. he stopped 3 breakaways in the 3rd. lightning could of* scored 8-10 if Thomas didn't play so well

Jugdish said...

One even deflected off if Tim Thomas face when he lost his mask.


IN YOU FACE!

tem said...

"One even deflected off if Tim Thomas face "


ymsoab

El Padrino said...

these social network ipo's remind me of the tech bubble in 99-2000's

i mean linked in $42-$45 a share

GTFO, that's like 250 times the market cap

H said...

"the thing is with that, how does anyone know if its a week draft"

If it lasts 7 days, it is a week draft.

El Padrino said...

apology accepted

Keef said...

6 goals is 6 goals, h. IDGAF about stats beyond the stats. 3 or 4 goals, maybe you have an "argument". But 6 goals is shitty

tem said...

apparently 3 saves means you played well. doesn't matter how many goals you give up.


also, if a goalie loses his mask he is doing something wrong.

no pools in an ice rink, shit should not get lost.

H said...

Yea Roloson got pulled but really how many of the goals could you say were his fault. Seguin scored on a breakaway and a perfect one timer on a 2 on 1. Two other goals were off of rebounds because Tampa couldn't clear out the front of the net. The defense let him down. He played great in the first as well. The Bruins totally outplayed the lightning but still trailed after 1.

Contract the Gophers said...

"Sometimes you gotta stats beyond the stats"

"lightning could of* scored 8-10 if Thomas didn't play so well"


yeah, unless it's in an ASG, giving up 5 or 6 goals in an NHL game is NEVER an accomplishment, I don't care how bad the defense plays

Keef said...

"Thomas did play well. he stopped 3 breakaways in the 3rd. lightning could of* scored 8-10 if Thomas didn't play so well"


WFT? Giving up 5 goals is "playing well"? OK, so he stopped 3 breakaways. What about the other 59:00 of the game?

Contract the Gophers said...

"6 goals is 6 goals, h. IDGAF about stats beyond the stats. 3 or 4 goals, maybe you have an "argument". But 6 goals is shitty"


double dragon

H said...

Isn't an ice rink just a frozen pool?

Keef said...

Except for the 48 pts they gave up to Dirk, OKC played pretty good defense last night

H said...

Ok maybe we should have said they didn't play great but came up with some big saves at key moments. Is that better little girls?

H said...

And we got Keith talking hockey, so there's that.

Contract the Gophers said...

we got Keith talking more hockey sense than H and TP


I'm surprised....even a bit shocked

Todd Packer said...

just found out I'm going to the Preakness the weekend. gotta pay for transferring an airline ticket only. box to the orioles/ Nats game friday too. shocked cmtp aproved of the last minute plans

Keef said...

"Ok maybe we should have said they didn't play great but came up with some big saves at key moments. Is that better little girls?"


Makes more sense. And apology accepted

H said...

Ouch Kod. That stings the nostrils a bit.

H said...

Only apology comin your way is the one Ike always gave Tina. A bitch slap right across the face.

Todd Packer said...

Thomas played grate.

El Padrino said...

tp is my hero

Contract the Gophers said...

That stings the nostrils a bit.



sorry, for what it's worth, it was meant more of a compliment than an insult; I would not have been surprised if I thought you guys were clueless about hockey; obviously you guys know more about hockey than probably 99% of Americans

Todd Packer said...

my degenerate gambling buddies are hitting all of the triple crown races this year and one guy backed out because of a death in the family. gotta figure out how to transfer his SW tickets into my name. hotel, Preakness tickets and orioles game tickets are paid for.... these guys are blue-rich. I'll be playing the mize role this weekend

El Padrino said...

do we have dl spots in y! league freak?

H said...

TP airline fix are non transferable. Trust me I have tried.

H said...

Fucking autocorrect on this phone makes me type like Anthony.

Jugdish said...

these guys are blue-rich. I'll be playing the mize role this weekend



funny

Todd Packer said...

"TP airline fix are non transferable. Trust me I have tried."

yeah that's what I thought too. he said he already talked to someone at SW and can pull it off because of the death in his family.... still gonna cost me about $150

tem said...

tem runs the Y! league


yeah there are DL spots. probably.

Todd Packer said...

h is correct. looks like I have to pay for a full ticket and my buddy will get a credit for his ticket

El Padrino said...

yeah there are DL spots. probably.

not working

H said...

Dl spots have worked fine for me.

El Padrino said...

oh man the mets have to play the yankees this weekend with out wright/davis

why is interleague so early this year

the fuck

El Padrino said...

davis would have crushed that short porch in right

El Padrino said...

rooting for the mets is so tiresome

im fucking tired already

El Padrino said...

if they trade reyes im out

Jugdish said...

the baseball sucks in nyc, but you can get good bread...so there is that

El Padrino said...

i wish i owned a brownstone in mnahattan or downtown brooklyn

El Padrino said...

"the baseball sucks in nyc, but you can get good bread...so there is that"

true

El Padrino said...

every team sucks at some point, good bread lasts a lifetime

El Padrino said...

i hate condos

Todd Packer said...

"rooting for the mets is so tiresome"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

El Padrino said...

man aguilera packed on the pounds

El Padrino said...

arnies kid is a dead ringer for arnie

El Padrino said...

pic is hilarity

tem said...

yahoo! league has 1 DL spot.

El Padrino said...

fail mentos coke thing

Jugdish said...

next stache headline: Mess pitching staff solid despite 6.45 ERA

Ben said...

that wasn't a fail, that was an awesome

Ben said...

it's only a fail if he didn't mean to hit the black guy holding the camera


fucking white supremacist

Blue said...

damn you ben, get the heck out of here

Keef said...

"Only apology comin your way is the one Ike always gave Tina. A bitch slap right across the face."


bring it, fatty

Keef said...

"yahoo! league has 1 DL spot."


2 spots

Jugdish said...

fail mentos coke thing


my brother sent that to me...i was about to lp that link. good stuff

El Padrino said...

dos asses

El Padrino said...

actually this whole spread is awesome

dos asses every wednesday on that site

Jugdish said...

An old man goes into a drugstore and asks the pharmacist for 6 Viagra cut into quarters. Dan the Pharmacist said I can cut them into quarters for you but a quarter tablet will not give you a full erection. The old man said I am 96 years old, I don't want an erection. I just want it sticking out so I don't piss on my slippers.


tp

Keef said...

heyooooo

El Padrino said...

anyone have a soda stream?

H said...

Jebus. Just found out my friend got into a car accident yesterday. Her SUV flipped on its roof and she had to be cut out with the jaws. Walked away with just a neck sprain. Lucky girl.

El Padrino said...

cool pics of the great depression

El Padrino said...

Walked away with just a neck sprain. Lucky girl. Thinking of screwing her later.

*fixed

H said...

I like dos.

H said...

Im not fat anymore. Im chunky.

Jugdish said...

"First of all, society discriminates against gay people," Barkley said. "They always try to make it like jocks discriminate against gay people. I've been a big proponent of gay marriage for a long time, because as a black person, I can't be in for any form of discrimination at all."



same here!

/mize

H said...

"actually this whole spread is awesome"

Now THAT is an all you can eat buffet. #10 is my favorite.

Spaceman Spiff said...

GIF of the day

nsfw, warning: cock

Spaceman Spiff said...

"The Kingdom of Denmark is preparing to claim ownership of the North Pole"

WWIII?

s

El Padrino said...

nsfw, warning: cock

suite

Spaceman Spiff said...

dat body

Blue said...

"nsfw, warning: cock"

wft, where's the tip?

/lp

Keef said...

"anyone have a soda stream?"


It's a pop stream

/tem

Keef said...

"Im not fat anymore. Im chunky"

Are you and mize gonna sumo rassle in Austin?

Spaceman Spiff said...

former gints QB jared lorenzen

borderline chunky now

Keef said...

very borderline

El Padrino said...

the hefty lefty lives!

Keef said...

he probably lives with diabetes

El Padrino said...

he eats well though

/tp/h

Spaceman Spiff said...

woe

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Former NHL enforcer Donald Brashear will be making his MMA debut on June 4"

Jugdish said...

he eats well though

/tp/h



funny

Keef said...

Kareem lost all his priviliges when he went to coach hike school ball on the reservation

Blue said...

what kind of priviledges?

like staying up to watch letterman?

Keef said...

Like getting recognized for his achievements

Keef said...

I think Kareem is the greatest but my dad says he doesn't work hard enough on defense

Blue said...

kareem is the greatest pilot of all time

Blue said...

i don't know if he's the greatest of all time though.

the reason he's the scoring leader is that he played until he was 50

Spaceman Spiff said...

jug

Blue said...

when did all this statue crap start?

Keef said...

Holy crap it's raining

tem said...

welcome to temhio

Keef said...

It's done now

Blue said...

growing up there were no statues and we all did ok

Keef said...

You grew up in Sacramento

Blue said...

yes, and wayman tisdale didn't have a statue

Blue said...

i don't see any ken griffey junior statues out there

El Padrino said...

piece

Beth said...

"growing up there were no statues and we all did ok"

You sure about the "we all did ok" part? You're talking to LOV remember.

Blue said...

tent city starts this saturday

get your tents now before summer camping prices shoot them through the roof

Blue said...

arnold was a chubby chaser?

Spaceman Spiff said...

maybe, have they released a pic of her from 10 years ago

Blue said...

good point spiff

perhaps she was a hottie before she was impregnated, and could never lose the baby weight

Mize said...

Things That Irk Me


The fact that my credit union is on some bullshit. They stop me from using my debit card on Ticketmaster and Symantec?

Really? REALLY?

H said...

Heaven forbid your financial institution should try to protect you from ID theft. Bastards!

H said...

The system probably failed because you actually were trying to spend money.

Mize said...

"The system probably failed because you actually were trying to spend money."


I use my debit card all the time. $45 on Norton Antivirus isn't exactly a suspicious purchase.

Keef said...

Woe

Keef said...

The refs have taken over

Keef said...

Gay

Todd Packer said...

"Gay"

yes, the NBA is gay

Todd Packer said...

flight to Baltimore cost me $350... not bad for a last minute flight

Mize said...

Yes, I'm using the internet to try to learn something about horseshoes.

Didn't take long to learn that I've been gripping the shoe wrong.

Mize said...

Things that irk me


People that refuse to help teach a novice.

H said...

Did Keef watch AI yet?

Mize said...

AZ is probably on a delay

Jugdish said...

Did Keef watch AI yet?



Scotty, I think after all this is over you and i should get an apartment together.

/steven tyler

H said...

Mentos fail video was on Leno tonight.

Mize said...

8/20

Jugdish said...

i just got a text from the judges. they want me to sing "medium pace" by adam sandler

H said...

"Mcdonald's actually said they wanted their chicken to tase less Italian. Which explains why today they hired the head chef from the Olive Garden"

EP writes for Jimmy Fallon now.

Keef said...

Did Keef watch AI yet?


Saw the first hour then had to go to work. Will watch hour 2 tomorrow

Keef said...

I want to get an apartment with hailey

Todd Packer said...

"Mentos fail video was on Leno tonight"

h watches AI and Leno..... yuck

Jugdish said...

I want to get an apartment with hailey


^^^^^^

Jugdish said...

oh yeah...a post

tem said...

Sharks goalie played well last night

Jugdish said...

go

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