Monday, February 14, 2011

Runny* diary

Here we are again with another edition of America's favorite pasttime...reading running diaries. I thought it was live, but I see aitch has been doing his own version of this on FB for the last hour or so. So this runnning diary will be live, on tape. All times MST

6:56 Cmk & I are watching the end of America's Funniest Videos, and apparently it's the grand prize show. There are like 5 final videos that can win the grand prize, and they're all horrible. I don't get how this show works. The actual funny videos never win, but the awful or staged videos always win. It's all fixed anyway.
6:59 Show opens with a lifetime achievement type award that goes to Aretha Franklin. She big.
7:01 LL Cool J presents the award to Aretha. He announces that she's sick in Detroit. Awkward. So some other people are going to sing her songs. Goddamn Jennifer Hudson is half the size she used to be. I think she gave all her weight to Aretha
7:03 Christina Aguilera just forgot the words (S)
7:10 There* still singing. There's a lot of screaming going on. I'm bored already
7:18 CBS cares. They have a commercial saying that dudes should get their testes checked for Valentine's Day. How sweet of them
7:19 1st award of the night goes to best pop duo or group song. I hope Train wins. I ♥ that soul sister song. Yay, Train wins. I'm 1 for 1 tonight. I'm gonna quit while I'm ahead.
7:21 Holy shit Ricky Martin is wearing some tight pants. He's out to introduce Lady Gaga's performance. She's coming out in some egg type thing. She's so fucking disgusting. I don't get the appeal of her. Her songs are really bad and she's gross to look at. She's just a slob. I wish I had her PR person. I have zero talent and am hard on the eyes. AJA, I wish I could FF this
7:33 Country music live performance = time to go pee
7:34 Back from the pisser, country music is still being sung. I don't know who this chick is. Cmk informs me that it's Miranda Lambert. I don't know who that is, but I'd probably rather listen to Adam Lambert
7:39 Next performance is from Muse. I like their music. So far there has been 4 live performances and 1 award given away.
7:48 Ryan Seacrest introces Bruno Mars, B.O.B, and someone whose name the French call a certain Idon'tknowwhat. 5 performances, 1 award so far. I guess the Grammy's are just a big concert now. They give out all the awards before it airs on TV.
7:58 Two country hicks hand out the next award. Best female vocal peformance. And the winner is.....NOONE. COUNTRY MUSIC LICKS MY TAINT AT ITS DIRTIEST MOMENT
8:02 bgas. is sucking some tit right now.
8:05 Eva Longoria presenting the next performance. ZOMG IT'S JUSTIN BIEBER & USHER!!!!! Usher sings OMG. And his sunglasses come off during the middle of the song. I've nerve seen him w/o his sunglasses. I thought maybe he didn't have any eyes.
8:13 Next award is for best rock album. Pearl Jam, Tom Petty, Neil Young, and Muse are all nominated. I'll give you 1 guess as to who won. If you need a hint, it's the group that didn't have an album out 20+ years ago
8:19 Time for some milk & red velvet cake from Costco. DET
8:21 Best pop album time. Bieber is -160 to win it. And the winner is....Lady Gaga. Did I mention that she's so fucking goddamn gross? I can't stand her. Just go away. Maybe run into traffic or something
8:29 Bob Dylan is still alive, huh? I use that term loosely because he looks like death.
8:34 I think I said this before, but that Hall Pass movie looks moderately funny
8:40 Lady Antebellum singing now. Perfect timing because I have to pee again
8:43 Miley & Kings of Leon presenting now. Rev is in heaven. Miley is showing some side boob. NS They're presenting for country album of the year. And the winner is....NOONE. COUNTRY MUSIC IS AWFUL!
8:46 Jamie Foxx introduces Cee-Lo Green. This song is pretty good. Forget You. He's singing with some puppets. But not sock puppets, freak, go back to bed. Cee-Lo is awesome, though. He's like a cross between a peacock and Cleopatra tonight. Gwyneth Paltrow is singing too. She needs to eat a hamburger or something. She looks like an xray in clothes and heels.
8:57 Katy Perry time. Let's all look at her boobies. Damn, she doesn't really have them unleashed tonight.
9:00 Cmk just looked over my shoulder and saw the last comment and said I'm ridiculous
9:02 Keef Urban, John Mayer, and some chick are singing what I think is a Dolly Parton song. It's worst* than it sounds
9:04 Ah, "some chick" was Nora Jones.
9:05 Time to present the award for song of the year. And the winner is....NOONE. COUNTRY MUSIC BLOWS MORE THAN BETH!
9:13 Seth Rogan introduces Eminem, Rihanna, & Dr. Dre. I was looking forward to this one.
Fuck Eminem. /mize
9:16 Seriously, though, Em is a lyrical genius. I get pumped up whenever he starts rhyming on stage. There's always Marshall Mathers chills in the as. household.
Cmk made a good point just now. She said that he's always so passionate about the shit he raps about. He doesn't just stand up there and say words, you can tell he's into everything he says.
OK, enough gay talk
9:20 Jewel is preggo. Her boobs are pretty big. Good for her. Her teef are still jacked up. She's with John Legend presenting the best new artist. Bieber is -160 to win this award. And the winner is...Esperanza Spalding. All together now..... WHO? Although I don't know who she is, I'm glad that I've jinxed Bieber twice now. Fucking Canadian midget.
9:28 Dude from Glee is on stage. Freak has Glee chills right now
9:32 Time for the woe portion of the show. H is giddy. Who died this year? Lena Horne, dude from The Knack, Jimmy Dean (love his sausage /lp), and about 30 other people that I'd never heard of.
9:35 Death montage screen rises and out pops Mick Jagger. Pretty cool that they're doing a live version of a dead guy. Ricky Martin thinks that Mick Jagger is wearing tight pants. Those pants can't be more than a 28 waist.
9:37 My dog just farted and it smells like Bigfoot's dick
9:47 Kris Kristopherson just introduced Barbra Streisand. It's 1972. TP just graduated college.
9:51 Will.I.Am & Nicki Minaj present best rap album. The Grammy goes to...Recovery! Fuck yeah. I have the except* opposite view of Em that mize has.
This is one of the reasons I can't stand white people. /mize
9:58 Sean Combs just got announced as Puff Daddy. We've moved from 1972 to 2000. He's introducing Rihanna & Drake. I thought Rihanna already performed tonight. I'm not a fan of Drake. But Rihanna's momma got ass, too. Damn!
10:03 J-Lo & Marc-Lo introduce record of the year. He's really short. The Grammy goes to...NOONE. COUNTRY MUSIC IS WORST* THAN YOUR FACE
10:06 I'm tired of that State Farm commercial with the black couple that gets into a fight on the sidewalk. Chick says "with a new boyfriend" and her bf turns into some yoked up dude with his shirt off. Dude says "and a new girlfriend" and chick turns into a hot chick. Then chick gets pissed off because he turnt her into a hot chick, but it was cool when she changed him into someone else. At least State Farm is publicizing that woman* are crazy
10:12 Arcade Fire performing now. I like that one song they have that Dan Patrick plays all the time. This song they're playing now is not good at all. Dude is yelling through a megaphone for crissakes.
10:22 Final award of the night, album of the year, presented by Kris Kris & Babs Streisand. If Lady Antebellum wins this one, I'm turning off the show.
10:23 And the Grammy goes to...Arcade Fire. Really? WFT? They have one good song. This shit is fixed.
10:24 Weird ending to the show. Arcade Fire went back up to play another song as people were leaving. I don't think this is how it was supposed to end. This song is as bad as the first.

That is all

140 comments:

JFreak said...

I want to be asleep.

Blue said...

Grammy's logo looked like it said Crammy's all night long.

Blue said...

and John Mayer has always been a douche, but now he's trying to look like Johnny Depp?

Blue said...

it's like he was sitting around thinking "women think i'm creepy and guys think i'm a douche, hmm, who do women think is super sexy...oh yeah Johnny Depp, we'll i'll just try and look like him"

Jugdish said...

Cmk made a good point just now. She said that he's always so passionate about the shit he raps about.


i bet this is keef's comment but he blames it on cmk so we don't start making jokes like the aitch figure skating grace and beauty jokes. keef already has eminem chills

Jugdish said...

keef is very passionate about marshall...like mize with ice fishing

Blue said...

marshall looked very surprised when he won rap album of the year

Blue said...

even though he was sitting in the first row, right in front of the stage

Blue said...

i'm with keep on the arcade fire, the song they sang towards the end of the show was awful, and wft how did they win album of the year

Blue said...

and what's the difference between song of the year, and record of the year. Same songs were nominated, same group of nobodies won.

El Padrino said...

nice diary

El Padrino said...

and John Mayer has always been a douche, but now he's trying to look like Johnny Depp?

cmep said this

El Padrino said...

arcade fire sucks

El Padrino said...

at least kuntry didnt win

Jugdish said...

don't hate

El Padrino said...

weirdo

kill all the gophers said...

good running diary; that was the longest LOV post I've actually read start to finish in years

and

"Next award is for best rock album. Pearl Jam, Tom Petty, Neil Young, and Muse are all nominated. I'll give you 1 guess as to who won. If you need a hint, it's the group that didn't have an album out 20+ years ago"

was hilarity

Blue said...

pJ didn't have an album 20+ years ago

Blue said...

so pearl jam won?

El Padrino said...

muse won

Blue said...

oh

El Padrino said...

i hate the gaga too

El Padrino said...

and the bieber

El Padrino said...

you knwo though, when you do that song acoustic it wasnt so bad, it's the pop beats and shit and dancing that i dont really care for

El Padrino said...

cee-lo is the shit

Blue said...

it's the shitty little kid that is shit

El Padrino said...

Gaga was "incubating," her creative director Lauri Ann Gibson said.

"It was necessary to incubate her for a certain time, because tonight she is actually birthing a new race," Gibson said. "A new race that doesn't have the ability to judge or hate in their DNA, so she is incubating right now so she goes through that process."


drugs are strong out there in cali

El Padrino said...

will smiffs son raps and i wanna punch his face

El Padrino said...

"With 98 of the 109 awards presented pre-telecast, producers had plenty of time for entertainment during the 3 1/2-hour live show on CBS."

like keef said, concert

Jugdish said...

i couldn't tell you one song lady gaga sings, and I'm perfectly ok with that

Jugdish said...

i also wouldn't know beiber's voice if i heard one of his songs, and im probably better off for that

El Padrino said...

yeah if you dont listen to radio (other than country station) you wont hear them

H said...

HEAT WAVE!!! 48 degrees today!

H said...

Keef's Gwyneth comment made me legitimately el oh el

H said...

Good diary Keef.

kill all the gophers said...

you knwo though, when you do that song acoustic it wasnt so bad, it's the pop beats and shit and dancing that i dont really care for



not sure what song you're talking about; but while I despise Gaga (and that genre of music in general), I heard an acoustic/classical sounding version of Alejandro that was actually pretty suite

H said...

My one complaint about the Grammys every year is the end of the show just drags. It takes them forever to announce the last 2 awards. Seems like they could chop 45 minutes off the broadcast and not miss anything.

kill all the gophers said...

HEAT WAVE!!! 48 degrees today!


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



We hit 50 yesterday; set all sorts of records. 40s most of the week here too

wohooo

El Padrino said...

50 today

everyone is feeling froggy

Jugdish said...

yeah if you dont listen to radio (other than country station) you wont hear them



i listen to my ipod or sports talk radio most of the time

tem said...

the singer dude with the puppets was wierd shit.

liked the song though.

and it was good to see that the band from the muppet show finally hit the big time.

El Padrino said...

Jadeveon Clowney


Jadeveon?

cmon

El Padrino said...

you can't spit on the tour? or you can't spit in Dubai?

tem said...

"and John Mayer has always been a douche, but now he's trying to look like Johnny Depp?

cmep said this"


tem - why the fuck is johnny depp there?

fmtem - that's john mayer

tem - what the fuck is wrong with the guy?

fmtem - he's retarded

tem said...

"i couldn't tell you one song lady gaga sings, and I'm perfectly ok with that"

i know alleandro. that's it.

and i don't know how to spell it.

tem said...

my one complaint about the grammy's is that they bring people like Mick jagger and bob dylan and streisand on and let them sing even though two of them look dead and probably all 3 haven't been relevant with new music in like 100 years.

and i hate that they do shit like "up next lady antebellum" and then lady antebellum performs over an hour later.

so they aren't next, got it.

kill all the gophers said...

"i know alleandro. that's it.

and i don't know how to spell it."



For those of you that don't HABLA ESPANOL, El Nino is spanish for....THE NINO

kill all the gophers said...

wish I knew how to add the n-yay

H said...

I know you guys are gonna have a field day with this, but I don't mind Lady Gaga. She's clearly nuts and ugly as hell, but her songs are pretty catchy. She writes her own stuff and plays a shit ton of instruments.

H said...

Fir* away

H said...

You know how I know H is gay?

/LOV

H said...

Gaga performs with grace and beauty

/LOV

tem said...

NDR should sing Lady Gaga then.

H said...

Tem = hater

El Padrino said...

not the first time a dude has liked a hated pop star

music is taste, cant get too riled up on what other people like

El Padrino said...

personally, most pop music is crapola

El Padrino said...

and it because of the beats and pop sounding chimes not the lyrics

El Padrino said...

which is why when most pop songs are turned into acoustic versions or stripped down they are pretty good

kill all the gophers said...

music is taste, cant get too riled up on what other people like


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


although it is LOV, so some ballbusting is to be expected.

El Padrino said...

oh ballbusting yes, staple

El Padrino said...

but i dont judge jug for liking crap

keef said...

"i bet this is keef's comment but he blames it on cmk so we don't start making jokes like the aitch figure skating grace and beauty jokes. keef already has eminem chills"

She said it but I agreed. And yeah, I already said I've got M&M* chills

keef said...

"the singer dude with the puppets was wierd shit."


He's the dude from Gnarls Barkley, right?

keef said...

"pJ didn't have an album 20+ years ago"


Your* right. But close enough...

Released on August 27, 1991, Ten (named after Mookie Blaylock's jersey number contained eleven tracks dealing with dark subjects like depression, suicide, loneliness, and murder

keef said...

19 1/2

/LP

keef said...

wall

El Padrino said...

yes gnarls barkely

orginally was in a rap group called Goodie Mob back in the day

keef said...

"but i dont judge jug for liking crap"

fucking country

El Padrino said...

woman are crazy

Blue said...

twhnbs

Blue said...

"Your* right. But close enough...

Released on August 27, 1991, Ten (named after Mookie Blaylock's jersey number contained eleven tracks dealing with dark subjects like depression, suicide, loneliness, and murder"

so not 20+ years ago...got it

/as.

El Padrino said...

sharp aquos died

that never happens

tem said...

"Tem = hater"

how so? i said if you like it then you should sing it.

tem said...

"He's the dude from Gnarls Barkley, right?"


i have no idear. i only vaguely know what gnarls barkley is.

H said...

earlier today the iTunes shuffle brought up Regulators. That song was ths shit back in the day.

"16 in the clip and one in the hole. Nate Dogg is 'bout to make some bodies turn cold."

El Padrino said...

top ten rap song

keef said...

that song is still the ish

keef said...

Colorado Avalanche forward Peter Forsberg is retiring from the NHL after playing in just two games during his latest comeback.



Jesus

El Padrino said...

cant beleef you posted hockey news

El Padrino said...

i know tp enjoyed that islander penguin brawl a few nights ago though

keef said...

Brian Wilson is a weird fothermucker. In a good way

keef said...

"cant beleef you posted hockey news"

Just showing h that he's not the only whore for attention

keef said...

wall

El Padrino said...

c. Name five better cities in the world than San Francisco. You can't.

stop it skunkpatch

H said...

"Just showing h that he's not the only whore for attention"

Really, dude?

H said...

That was a stretch, even for you

keef said...

I thought you knew there were others

El Padrino said...

The Town

solid.

Blue said...

how to train a dragon


solid

tem said...

grease 2


solid

Blue said...

how does fmtem feel about grease 2?

or is that an "honeymoon" discussion

keef said...

sound of music

solid

keef said...

anger management


solid


/h

Blue said...

annie

solid

/meiz

tem said...

"how does fmtem feel about grease 2?

or is that an "honeymoon" discussion"


she thinks i am retarded

tem said...

prediction - Clowney will be a bust

keef said...

your face is busted

El Padrino said...

his face is a bust?

El Padrino said...

talk about bust, the slapper between skunkpatch and whitlock is great

keef said...

Kobe misses shootaround due to aches, chills

Blue said...

clowney will transfer to Auburn aftre they pay him a wad of cash

tem said...

"the slapper between skunkpatch and whitlock is great"

whitlock seems like he is just mad that his guy didn't make it on the 1st try.

tem said...

*clowney will transfer to Auburn aftre they pay his dad a wad of cash


*fixed

Blue said...

after he gets offered a wad of cash from mississippi state but turns it down

tem said...

w
a
l
l

keef said...

Wall

tem said...

- 160 TCS points

El Padrino said...

good one

El Padrino said...

me and cmep are brawling right now

ROMANCE!

keef said...

Ipad clock is fucked up. Says it's 3:31 right now

El Padrino said...

EST

keef said...

MST

keef said...

Wall

El Padrino said...

piece

keef said...

Wall

Mize said...

"El Padrino said...

it's terrible

February 11, 2011 5:15 PM"


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Mize said...

Arcade fire is a totally decent band, but not Album Of The Year.

JFreak said...

A robot is beating up on humans in Jeopardy. I think we've reached the end of our run as a race.

Mize said...

And as always, fuck Eminem.

JFreak said...

The humans are roaring back. We aren't dead yet.

Mize said...

"orginally was in a rap group called Goodie Mob back in the day"


Jesus fucking christ.

Mize said...

Oh, and the name of the song is Fuck You, not Forget You. We are not censored here.

keef said...

The song he sang was Forget You

keef said...

"And as always, fuck Eminem"

You're a retard

keef said...

Wall

tem said...

Freak knows the computer won like a month ago right?

H said...

I hope we get the story about the rumble in the Bronx between EP and CMEP

El Padrino said...

Ladies and gentleman ive just been handed a breaking news tory, may i ave your attention please

El Padrino said...

The Rock is back.

El Padrino said...

jabroni's

El Padrino said...

candy asses

Jugdish said...

wall

Jugdish said...

talk about bust, the slapper between skunkpatch and whitlock is great



whitlock's race angle in every article is getting old

Jugdish said...

wall

keef said...

Wall

Jugdish said...

whitlock's race angle in every article is getting old



you know how i know you're white?

/mize

Jugdish said...

1 day weekends are too short, but i have a 4 day weekend to make up for it this weekend...suite

Jugdish said...

cool story

Jugdish said...

wall

tem said...

go

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino