Friday, February 26, 2010

Try dunking a basketball Shaun White

Winter Olympics suck. Summer is 100% better. Because real sports are involved. Like fighting. Dating back to the earliest of the days there were fistfights. How many gold medals do the Greeks have in the Winter Olympics? Science. Also the Winter Olympics seem like a drunk dare or something. Betcha can't go down this hill in a sled! Betcha can't do it on your belly either. Real sports like running. Think of the oldest competition sport and you might be thinking about footraces. Fucking skiing. That's recreation. Retards can ski. I think the country of Norway wins all of those races anyway. The Nords can fucking ski. The country is just one big ski slalom. I mean can you get any more American, sporty, Greek Roman than wrasslin'. I'd like to see the Nords show up at a swim meet and not finish 82nd. Then I'll respect the winter games. Fucking figure skating. Serious that has to be the worse. Sorry aitch but I can't even watch 20 seconds of it. Bunch of flat-chested broads twirling around with fake smiles and makeup, at least summer gymnastics gives us quality muffs. Like Nastia Liukin. And lest us not forget the derierre of Alicia. Fucking curling. You gotta be kidding me. Yeah it sucks me for about 15 minutes then I snap out of it and change that shit. Retarded ass shit. Fucking stones sliding on ice. Misty May spikes a volleyball better than any of those curlers can curl a shot. Whatever that means. Science again. Basketball > hockey. Boom. Go away Winter Olympics your fucking up my Law & Order shows. Teams are scrambling to polish their resume, not everyone makes the tourney you know. That's all I have to say about that.

Thursday, February 25, 2010

Man, I'm getting old...

I think one of the first signs that you're getting old is when you start seeing the athletes that you followed as a kid taking jobs as coaches and GMs. For example, the other day I was watching the game between Russia and the Czech republic. They mentioned that Vladimir Ruzicka is the current head coach of the Czech team. He was a Boston Bruin briefly, had one good season, but I just found it funny that he was now a coach. Another sign is that now, when we refer to young players as "kid", It makes sense because they now are indeed younger than us. Getting old sucks.

Speaking of Olympic hockey, the USA vs Switzerland game did not give me a lot of confidence in the team. Sure they out shot the Swiss by a large margin, but they never seemed to actually have control of the game. Did Jonas Hiller really have a great game, or were the US shots just not that tough? I guess we'll see when they play their next game on Friday.

Canada demolished the Russians, winning by a score of 7-3. I think this was a huge surprise. Not the fact that Canada won, but the fact that it was so lopsided. You have to wonder if the Russians had chemistry issues. Like I said in last night's comments, for a good portion of the game, Evgeni Malkin and Alexander Ovechkin were line mates. Those two really dislike each other from all of the intense games between Washington and Pittsburgh. I think the Russians would have been better served having them on separate lines. Chemistry is a huge part of any team sport, maybe more so in Hockey, though. If you hate a guy, I don't see how you can get past that and play well.

Thus far, I have really enjoyed the Olympic hockey. The lack of commercial breaks have made for a more up tempo and exciting game. (Also beautiful and elegant.) But the Finland - Czech Republic game has given me my first real complaint. The first Finnish goal late in the third period was almost a direct result of the international rules. Pavel Kubina of the Czech Republic had lost his helmet(oh no! /Steve) in the defensive zone. Now, according to international rules, he HAS to retrieve his helmet and cannot play without it. In the NHL, no player would dare vacate the front of the net in his defensive zone while the attacking team had possession of the puck. But due to the rules, this is exactly what Kubina had to do, leaving a Finnish player directly in front, screening Tomas Vokoun and leading to what would be the game winning goal. The Finns (not the baseball team) will now play the US in the semi-finals.

The last game this evening was Sweden vs. Slovakia. This game featured two well matched teams. The second period was pretty exciting as Slovakia scored a pair of goals 37 seconds apart, followed by Sweden tying it up about 5 minutes later on a pair of goals that also came 37 seconds apart. Slovakia then went ahead 3-2 late in the period on a goal by Pavol Demitra. Slovakia widened the gap midway through the 3rd period to 4-2, but Sweden immediately responded with a goal by Daniel Alfredsson just 38 seconds later. (I'm not making this up.) Sweden tried frantically to tie the game in the final minutes, but were unable to do so. so now Slovakia will face Canada in the semi-final round.

In other Olympic news, Lindsey Vonn injured herself again, this time breaking her right pinkie finger in her fall during the giant slalom. So she may not compete in her final event later this week. Get ready for a few more days of Vonn injury watch.

In NFL news, it is a bad week to be a former superstar running back, as LaDanian Tomlinson and Brian Westbrook were released by their respective teams. Julius Peppers will also not be retained by Carolina. It will be interesting to see where these veteran players will end up. Dunta Robinson will also be shown the door by the Houston Texans, and will likely be one of the most sought after players in this years thin free agent class.

I'm watching The Hangover as I put this post together. I'm pretty early in the movie, but I don't think I got the Ohio version, as it has been decently funny thus far.

Funny Cab story. So yesterday we pick up a guy from the hospital, says he is going to visit his girlfriend. The guy is a semi-regular customer, enough so that many of the drivers can describe his physical appearance and knows where he lives. So the driver picks him up and takes him to the address the guy gives, #4 #%*&% drive. Upon arriving at the destination, the guy tells the driver that he has to go inside to get money, but not to pull in the driveway because his girlfriend inside the house will get mad that he took a cab. Needless to say, the guy gets out of the cab, walks up the driveway, and then starts running away, trying to bail on the $28.00 cab fare. The driver is a little older and is a smoker, so he can't catch the guy. He wasn't familiar with the passenger, so he calls it in over the radio and of course the other drivers who know who he is tell the driver where he lives. So the cops are called and long story short, we recover the money. Now after reading that, you may ask, why is this funny? Well, the guy lives at #10 on that same street. So basically he had the driver take him to 2 houses away from where he was going and bailed on the fare. Not for nothing, but if you are gonna try to run out on cab fare, don't take us to the street you live on. Makes it pretty easy to get the cops there. He was not a smart criminal.

OK, I think I'm done now.

Wednesday, February 24, 2010

Littleton Sucks

So another school shooting in Littleton. Some crazy guy, his dad's name is "War Eagle" (ns). He must be a huge Auburn fan. This shooting was right down the road from Columbine...it also was the same place that a kid was shot and killed at school in 1982. I've come to the conclusion that I'm not going to live in Littleton. Fool me once shame on....shame on you...fool me...we can't get fooled again.

Anyway, on to other news of the wild, Tebow is working on his throwing motion...maybe if his Mom had done the right thing and aborted her pregancy when she was adviced to, we wouldn't have to have such ludicrous news reports.

I think I should learn a foreign language. Something really rare to set myself apart. I'm taking suggestions today. So far the leader in the clubhouse is Prussian. I'm also going to add to my resume "speaks english fluently".

I think they should add an event to the winter olympics for sprint nordic skiing...like a 400M cross country skiing event. That might be fun to watch..instead of watching guys go around a circle 15 times as the announcers say "we expect this to last another hour or so"...screw that. And who are the people sitting in the stands watching this, the guys come by for like 30 seconds every 10 minutes.

There are too many "runs" in bobsled. Why not just make it one or two runs. What will we find out after 4 runs that we didn't know after 2? Also, the best way to improve curling is if you could play defense, so while the sweepers are sweeping, you could body check them, or at least follow them down the ice and hurl profanities in their direction...maybe that will be in the X games.

british magazines are the best NSFW, but very awesome.

Tuesday, February 23, 2010

Quagmire

Quagmire has nothing to do with this post. He is a funny character though. Keith disagrees because Keith doesn't know any better. It isn't his fault. He was hit in the head with a softball.

Olympic Talk

I don't think shuffle board on ice is all that great. Too bad.

I don't get why women's hockey isn't allowed to check.

Ski aerials looked cool, but the jumps all the looked the same too me. And when the announcer says "his flight plan is to do a full double full twist full full", well that means nothing to me.

Ice dancing still just looks exactly like pairs skating without jumps. Why is that an event? Why don't they do hockey without sticks? Because that would be dumb that's why.

Apparently people from Scotland participate for England in the Olympics. William Wallace is not happy.


NFL Talk

LDT got released. Big whoop. His engine has way too many miles on it. It's like looking on autotrader and seeing a 2002 Mazda 6 with 350,000 miles on it. There are a ton of the same cars with like 65,000 miles on them. Nobody wants that old Mazda.

Having said that someone will draft him in Round 3 of their fantasy draft.

Wilfork got tagged. He will be grumpy.

WVU talk

I can't wait until they get properly ranked. They are not a top 10 team. They are about 15 or so. That's good, but please get them out of the top 10.

Random Talk

Any guys here randomly decide one day to shave their armpits? I know I didn't.

How long does it take you to go through a box of Q-Tips? I use 1 a day, but a box of 300 only lasts me about 4 months. I think they must be shorting me.

I wish there was a way to tell how many concussions I have had. I bet it is 5.

My downstairs neighbor can be a bitch sometime. Condos are nice because you don't have to mow grass or shovel snow, but you still have to live close to someone else. I want a house and someone to do my yard work.

Monday, February 22, 2010

....and influenza!!

Goddman rain sucks. It raint* all weekend here. Rain here = I don't do shit. Ergo, ipso facto, this weekend I didn't do shit. Unless you call watching the Olympics and playing online poker doing shit.

It's been mentioned before here, but curling is pretty HDH. We had dinner at the in-laws' place on Sunday night and I was splaining how curling sucks me every time, and all I got was ::and influenza:: from all the in-laws. They don't get it. I don't know what it is, but curling has it for me. Couldn't explain why, whenever curling is on, I can't turn it off. Figure skating for aitch = curling for me.

Also last night at the in-laws', milok axed why we win so many more medals at the Olympics than anyone else. filok says "Because we have more black people" and I replied with "That makes sense. It also explains why Haiti sucks at the Olympics". Then I realized that noone there would have any idear what I was talking about.

USA comes up with a big win over Canadia*. I think the pressure is too big for The Hat. For those of you who don't get that reference, someone emailed Jim Rome once and called Canada "Our hat". But I digress. Anyway, they're got way too much pressure on them. They lookt* like shit against the Suiss*, and then were just outplayed by the ol' U S of A. I think bronze is best case scenario for the hat. After seeing a few games, I think Russia wins the gold.

Some chick here got kilt at the NHRA race on Sunday. Most years, I go with my pops to watch those races. I'm glad we didn't go this year.

My first anniversary is this week. Can't believe I've made it this long. (s)

Friday, February 19, 2010

This and that

The Nirvana album cover where the baby is in the pool floating while a dollar bill floats within an arms distance is genius. The Wizard deal is awful no? Either way they are starting over too. And that's good, if it sucks blow it up and start over. China does this with their children. True story. Knicks situation can only get better. They will sign a star whether it's Lebron or Wade or Bosh. If it's Lebron holy shit. I mean cmon, yes he can make similar money in Cleveland but let's not forget, it's fucking Cleveland. NYC trumps Cleveland in every category except tourism videos. However I'm not sold on them signing him I mean other teams are under the cap and those other teams have better players at the moment. So we'll see. Either way it had to be done. The Isiah Thomas Era is just about officially over. Thanks Obama! Now curling is cool but does anyone else laugh when they slide towards the release line? It looks so ridiculous I chuckle everytime. Where can I get those curling brushes? Things look suite for removal of snow from vehicles. Surf and Turf this weekend. I like the word mandible and will use it more often. "My mandible hurts". "I'm going to punch you in the mandible". I'm sticking to this not skipping lines in my post thing if you haven't noticed. Pink Floyd plays long songs. Tiger talks today. Selfish prick. So just one take on the Mets winning more than 80 games? Talk to me. I smell the Florida grass from here. Zeke get on Twitter. Don't forget no questions after the Tiger talk. HDH game between Melo and Bron last night. Melo won. I'm hearing Vick to the Rams hard right now. Beck and Clapton. Joe Andrew Stack is a terrorist by the way. "Officials: Texas pilot had grudge with IRS". Wow, really? You think?

Thursday, February 18, 2010

New post

same as the old ones.

Shaun White won.

Lindsey Vonn won.

Shani Davis won.

Cavs made a trade. They got someone for someone else, but that someone wasn't Stat.

Rockets traded T-Mac to the Kings for Kevin Martin, maybe the Knicks if they try hard enough.

I snapped my 17 bet losing streak on centsports.

Kiper says the Redskins will pick Jimmy Clausen. I want this purely to hear zeke's reaction.

I think there should be a prize given to the person with the longest losing streak on ESPN's streak for cash thing. Picking a bunch of losers in a row is just as hard as picking winners. Also, I had like a 9 game losing streak this month, so I think I'd be close to the lead.

Wednesday, February 17, 2010

Ash Wednesday

So Lent starts today..i'm giving up swearing, cussing whatever, and also fast food...but not deli subs. I'm being very specific this year. Nobody cares anyway except maybe Tebow.

Nancy Kerrigan has a horse face...I know this isn't news to anyone, but man she's still ugly as sin. I remember back in the day when she got clubbed in the knee...I was happy about it. I was probably the only American on Tonya Harding's side, but that kerrigan chick is ugly and a whiny bitch..and that hasn't changed.

Saw a thing about Gary Coleman yesterday...he's gotta be almost 50 now right? IMDB says he's 42, but he's probably haitian and lying about his age. Anyway, it got me thinking, I loved his show when I was a kid. Not the "whatchyou talkin bout willis" part, but he had a lot of other comedic abilities. That show was awesome, and how hard all of the stars (other than Mr. Drummond and Mrs. Garrett) fell was also awesome. Mrs. Garrett went on to have sex with Blair and Jo while Trudy watched.

George Karl has throat and neck cancer...since it's not on the skin, that means it's serious. Meiz has been in mourning for a full day since finding out. So what happens if the Nuggets make a run with Adrian Dantley coaching the team and win a championship (highly unlikely, but what if?)...just sayin.

Last but not least, my relationship/romance advise* for the day. Don't buy that KY Intense stuff. It's a waste of $25 for sure. The commercials make it look great, all it does is numb things. How is that "Intense"? I think maybe the people at KY need to look up that word in Merriman's dictionary. Complete and total waste of money. They are now on the list with AXE as products that are completely full of....almost sweared there. (as a side note, the "yours and mine" product is ok, and probably worth the $13 or whatever). Now you all know about my sex life...i looked up romance and it doesn't start with a K or a Y.

Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tuesday, February 16th

I don't know what an international arrest warrant is, but it sounds bad. Maybe I should follow cycling some. I've never heard of a baseball, basketball, football, NASCAR or hockey guy getting an international arrest warrant out for them. And I am pretty sure nobody from there is gonna hack into any computer systems. Mr. T might, but that is just World of Warcraft to enhance his night elf mohawk, so it is OK.

Put me in the boat with the people who like the Winter Olympics better than the summer ones. Although some of the events I don't get. Like why have skeleton if it is just basically luge? And why does some guy pull out of the 500M speed skating thing to conserve energy? He is supposed to be one of the greatest athletes in the world and skating in the 500 is gonna wear him out?

One thing I don't get about the Olympics is the events that mix things that judges score with time. Like the skiing where they go downhill and do two jumps. I was watching that event and the last guy went. The announcers were all excited about his run and it was the fastest of them all. They were wondering if he got enough to take gold. They thought he would bump the Canadian off the gold. At worst he was getting silver. Then they announced his scores and he got 6th. WFT? Either the announcers have no clue how the judging really works or the sport is just weird.

Also I never get to watch the sport where they ski and then shoot things. That should be on in prime time. Screw pairs skating. Show me someone with a gun.

Let's change subjects slightly and talk about recent dreams I have had. First dream was that I was on security detail for the Winter Olympics. It was a pretty cool gig, but my assignment turned out to suck. I was in charge of keeping the Summer Olympians out of the Winter Olympics. Turns out that the Summer Olympians always try to sabotage the Winter Olympics, you know in my dream they do. Anyway, I pretty much foiled them all, they couldn't run past me because I had a gun. I shot the Bolt dude in the knee. Felt bad, but whatever, he shouldn't have been trying to mess with the Winter Olympics. The people that got me though were the pole vaulters. I couldn't stop those damn pole vaulters. But no worries, the Rock came in and saved the day. I said "thanks Rock" and he said "no problem Rook."

Another dream I had involved aliens taking over the world. Aliens came down secretly and injected everyone but me with this chip that allowed them to control everyone. It also kind of made everyone dumb and slow. Somehow they forgot to put a chip in me. So it was up to me to save the day. So what did I do? Well I decided that was too much work so I played along. I acted dumb and slow and then dominated. I'd do the manual labor during the day that the aliens wanted us to do, it was easy, then I would just destroy people in basketball and football and what not. I got to travel around to all the little working camps and play football against the other camps. My team always won because I just crushed everyone. I was so popular even the aliens liked me. So they let me have a dog. Then my dog took a piss on the alien's power supply and everyone woke up. So it turns out I saved the day, well my dog did, but I got credit for it. Nobody remembered that I spent all that time not saving them. So me and the dog were heroes. It was a good dream, my only regret is that I never tried to nail any hot women in the dream.

Lots of upsets in College Bball. Looks like filling out that tourney bracket could be fun.

Last time I checked Golf Picks they only had one guy from the A list entered in the event....wft?

One last comment on the Winter Olympics....in the Winter Olympics it seems like when an American gets bronze or silver they still did good. In the Summer Olympics anything less than gold is a failure. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. I do like seeing people from other countries win though. I don't think many people from the Netherlands win gold in the summer games. It is good to share the wealth a bit.

Finally I see El Tardo recycled an article from 5 years ago for his column....we should recycle some articles then too. We are just as cool as him. Next time someone needs a spot start we can just post something from 2007 or whenever this thing started.

OK this is long enough (TWSS). I'm done (TWSS).

Monday, February 15, 2010

Yay for Olympics

This weekend was pretty good, food-wise. Had our usual Friday night pizza from here. On Saturday morning we had a bagel & coffee from here. Saturday night we went out and had some sushi and tempura from here. And on Sunday I grillt* up some filets, baked potaters*, and corn on the cob. None of it suckt* at all.

I ♥ the Olympics. It's weird because every 4th January, I think about the Winter Olympics coming up and that I won't watch them because they're boring. And they end up sucking me every time. Nerve* fails. Maybe I think they'll be boring because when I think of Winter Olympics, the first thing that comes to mind is the fucking ice skating, which is the worse. But most of the other shit is HDH. I probably watcht* about 8-10 hours of Olympic coverage this weekend and about 15 minutes of everything else. Jesus, I was watching the Nordic Combined for crissakes. Who the fuck thought about putting together ski jumping and cross country skiing in one event. In any case, I was watching it and couldn't turn it off. The luge was getting a little boring because it seemed like basically if they had a bad start, it was over because they all go the same speed and distance the rest of the way. And for fucks sake, do they need to go down that track 4 times? That was just ratarded. If I could participate in any event in the Winter Olympics, I'd probably do the ski jump. That shit looks fun. And it really doesn't require any cardio training at all.

Kobe is officially the ath-a-lete that I hate the most. Fucking can't stand that guy. Every interview he does I want to punch him in the mouth.

Mize went fishing this weekend. Maybe he caught a big pufferfish. But I'm sure he didn't get laid. He's all hat and not cattle when it comes to that.

Hopefully everyone here lookt* up ROMANCE this weekend for V-Day. And hopefully LP's big plan laid the groundwork for his quest to find the all elusive g-spot. With all due respect, I will guess that mize & freak were the only LOVers that didn't get some sexy time this weekend. That's not bad, though. There are what, 14 or so of us here, so that's like 85% success rate. There's always next year, fellas.

So csil is officially dating an Italian dude from Jersey, and he lives in zeke's neck of the woods. (ns) I axed cmk if he's taller than 5'9". She gave me a ::olive garden::

Friday, February 12, 2010

The Hooter Dome

You know how I know your gay? You had 5 guys for lunch. No serious that has to be the worst name for a hamburger chain. WFT. Why not just name it Penis. Yeah I had penis for lunch today. Marketing geniuses. I asked cmep if she'd let me hang a couple of posters in the bedroom or even my kids bedroom. She said like what and I said "The Dunk". She said no. Stop being childish. Whatever. If I said she can hang up a NKOTB poster I bet she'd say yes. Basketball is hitting the All-Star break this weekend so now would be a good time to catch up. I've caught up. Billups will win the 3-Ball contest, Shannon Brown will de-throne Kryptonate and Nash will win the Skills challenge. The Sophmores will clobber the rookies and the East win the actual ASG game. D Howard will be MVP. Holy shit it's in Cowboys Stadium? How does Cuban feel about that? Jerry Jones >>>> Cuban. You know what's underated? BLT's. That's a damn good sandwhich. Is it me or do these upcoming Olympics seem doomed. No snow, athletes banned daily, etc. Man imagine being on the end of a Evander Holyfield right cross. Ask his wife. I wonder if John Thompson Sr. walks around his house with a dish towel on his shoulder. Wikipedia is great because you forget shit. Like you forgot "Space Jam" made close to 232MM worldwide. Grabbing a beer after work is an American tradition. You ever get the feeling that someone is behind you and you turn around and someone really is behind you but they are just trying to pass you because you are walking too slow? That is an awkward eye contact moment. The Rams are for sale. And Hooters. Hooter Dome is an awesome name for a stadium. Why do Dolphins have a fin if they are nice? I feel like fins should be on nasty creatures. Just realized my kid wrote on the TV. Lil fucker. Windex is amazing. If Lou Holtz called college basketball games how awesome would that be? And what would be the spit to breath ratio?

Thursday, February 11, 2010

The Snow Storm That Wasn't

Well, for Boston at least. While Philly, D.C. and NYC were getting pounded by snow, Boston once again avoided the powerful part of the storm and only got a couple of inches. I'd love to get a job as a weatherman. I mean, they supposedly went to school to get degrees in meteorology and are experts at predicting weather, yet they are wrong more often than not and they get to keep their jobs! Is there any other field or profession where you can be wrong a large percentage of the time without consequence?

In sports related news, apparently I had the calendar wrong or something, because Mardi Gras seems to have started a week early in New Orleans this year. I'm really sorry Freak, but I HATE Bill Polian. "Our offensive line, by our standards, did not have a good game," Polian told NFL.com. "They were outplayed by the Saints' defensive line. Our special teams, in terms of handing the ball -- both in the return game and on the onside kick -- were outplayed by the Saints." Um, how about the back-breaking pick-6 by your Poster Boy QB? No mention of that, huh?

Lindsey Vonn is injured and may not be able to compete in the Olympics. I admittedly know very little about skiing or Vonn, but from what I've heard and read today, she seems to be a bit accident prone. I mean, she once nearly severed her finger opening a champagne bottle, nearly bit off her own tongue during a ski run and now this. Eek.

The Braves reportedly offered a one year deal to Johnny Damon. Thoughts, Beth?

NBA All-Star game is this weekend. My prediction is that the team that scores the most points will win. And no one will care.

Is it baseball season yet?

Today's LOV twitter comment will undoubtedly proclaim this as a sucky post, but oh well.

Wednesday, February 10, 2010

Football talk never dies

One of the great things about living in Denver is that they have all 4 of the major professional sports. You know, NFL, NBA, MLB, and NFL. On the NBA front, we have a great team, 2nd in the Western conference right now, a legit shot at making a run at the finals. MLB, we have a team a few years removed from a World Series run, and made the playoffs last year, lots of excitement and anticipation. But the broncos rule the land here. The NFL season just ended, on Sunday, when Peyton Manning choked, and already the sports radio talk is alive with what's going to happen with the broncos in the offseason. Brandon Marshall...will he be traded or will he stay...2 weeks ago it was a no-brainer he was gone....now, well we'll see, it's not as inevitable as it was before. If I was a betting man, i'd be risking 160 to win 100, to say that he's leaving. Then the discussion started up about the Broncos drafting a QB early because the owner, Pat Bowlen, made a comment that he felt they needed to do that.

Now the story of the day, week, whatever...The rumors are swirling that the Broncos are in talks to trade for..........wait for it......Donovan McNabb. I could live with that. He's better than kyle orton, he's got a cool beard, and he wins football games. Probably a HoFer, bring him in here for a few years and win some games, probably make the playoffs. I don't think he's going to win them a superbowl, but he's got a better shot of doing that than Kyle Horton. McNabb has been vilified in Philly, so no matter where he goes, he's going to be happier because the fans will welcome him and love him...until he pukes in the superbowl willie beamon style.

Last but not least...EP if you ditch the family for a rec league football game...expect either jugvorse papers, or your debt to increase significantly while cmep goes on a shopping spree.

and least, i heard this joke today, it's a good one.

"The Dept of Defense briefed the president this morning. They told President Obama that 2 Brazilian soldiers were killed in Iraq .

To everyone's surprise, all the color drained from Obama's face. Then he collapsed onto his desk, head in his hands, visibly shaken, almost in tears.

Finally, he composed himself and asked, 'Just how many is a brazilian?'

This is not surprising, since he obviously has no understanding of billion or trillion either."

Tuesday, February 09, 2010

Spot Start

Basketball time.
Pitchers and Catchers, 9 days.
Brooklyn Decker SI Swimsuit cover. She is my favorite.
Big bEAST with 4 teams in the Top 10, 5 in the Top 25.
Money isn't everything.
Shake what your mama gave ya.
Lil weazy is headed to jail.
Kansas has like 8 guys who can score. Holy Shit.
N'awlins parade today. Titties.
Snow.
Not the performer, the precipitation.

Monday, February 08, 2010

Super suck job, Indy

The 2010 Super Bowl was yesterday. The 2001 Peyton Manning played. That was probably my favorite Manning. He throws for a lot of yards and makes big mistakes at the wrong time and makes goofy faces. I ♥ him. AJA, Colts should of* won the game. Dominated total yards. But the one big taint by NO sealed the deal.

Some dude at my party had a shirt that had a picture of Manning on the front with the words "Never bet against this guy" and the back of it said "Who dem taints". I thought it was pretty hilarity, but then Peyton became Peyton again and it made the shirt even funnier.

You know what I hate? New Yorkers! I keed. I hate when people RSVP to a party and then don't show up. Just fucking tell me you can't make it. I'll be cool with that. Don't tell me you'll be there and then not show. Pet peeve of mine.

Super Bowl commercials were meh. None really stand out too much to me. csil liked one of the e-trade commercials because apparently one of the babies had her name. We had to rewind it and watch it again because of it. She's lame.

I paid money for squares for me and cmk. She chooses her 5 squares and then ends up winning the first quarter. She wanted me to give her the money and I gave her a ::whatchutalkinboutwillis::

The best part of hosting a party is all the shit left over when it's done. We have lots of food to eat for a while, and there is probably a case of beer left in our coolers. It was BYOB, so that workt* out pretty well.

Denise Milani has GIANT tits.

L PADRINO sfw

I should of* taken today off. I'm too tired to work today.

For most of you, go comment. For freak, move on to the left sock.

Friday, February 05, 2010

Super Bowl

Two # 1 seeds. First time since Bills-Cowboys, 1993. First time the top two touchdown throwing QB's statistically have met since Rypien/Kelly in 1992. It's the Saints first time ever representing the NFC in the Super Bowl. Colts are going for their 3rd straight Miami Super Bowl win. Basic facts.

The line is 4.5, colts are favored. Couple of things first than I'll get to my prop bets.

The Saints do have the #1 offense in the league. They averaged 32.6 points per game. The Colts however are really 18-0 even though they are not. I know that sounds weird or what-iffy but fuck you. It's true. If they don't pull their starters in Week 15 against the JETS they win. And if they play everyone in Buffalo they win. That's called science. My point. I don't care if Jesus Christ comes down from heaven and plays middle linebacker to match wits with Manning. The Colts are not losing this game. They haven't lost one all year long (when they are trying to win). Honestly we could be looking at a team that can go on a mini-dynasty run. Like 2 more super bowls maybe. The Saints are really good in their own right so it may take awhile to for the Colts to prevail but they will. And they have been through that before.

Interestingly enough their last Super Bowl in Miami didn't go so smooth until the 2nd half. It was raining then, forecast for Sunday mentions rain. Jim Nantz and Phil Simms are calling the action for CBS, which is the same pair and network that broadcast the Colts last Super Bowl. There were more Chicago fans than Colts fans in 2006 just like there are more Saints fans than Colts fans this year. If I'm Jim Caldwell, I ask the league if I can wear my road whites, which is what they wore when they won. None of this really matters but it's fun knowing all these little tidbits.

Now the Saints can play some defense and alot of what they plan on doing is keeping the ball in front of them. This will allow they to strip the ball as much as possible and make Manning earn every throw. Something I am sure the Indy coaching stuff is preaching to it's offensive players (the strip part). I'm recommending taking the under which is 56.5. The Indy defense is better than good, maybe very good and not getting a stitch of newspaper coverage. Probably the way they like it. I woulnd't be surprised if they force Brees into a turnover or two. Freeny will play, everyone knows that. Effective? Maybe not in the 3rd or 4th quarter but initially, jacked up on Mountain Dew he'll be a force. The real force on that D is Brock anyway.

Officially I will take the Colts -4.5, under 56.5. Final score will be 31-23.

Props.
As usual $100 on tails. It never fails (cept the past two years).

How many times will the CBS cameras pan over to Kim Khardashian?
2.5 is the line with under (-125) and over (+150)

I'm taking the over.

You can also guess or bet on what color top she'll be wearing. Black is the odds on favorite (also happens to be her favorite color of cock) at 6-5. I won't bet this because I'm praying she won't even wear a top.

Ok, I say the Colts score more points in the 2nd half than they do in the first half. That's even money so $100 risking there.

No punts by the Colts is +1000 so I'll put 10 bucks on it to win $100 just in case.

$100 to win $150 for "Will a special team or defensive score occur". Yes.

Will there a successful 2-point conversion? Yes for $50 which brings back $200. (+400). Brees and the Saints will trail late and have to go for two.

Will Robert Meachem score a TD? Hell yes, +270. (Risking $100)

Player to score first (either team), all bets are for $100, I list the odds in money:

Austin Collie +1800
Dave Thomas +1800
Mike Bell +1500
Joseph Addai +550
Donald Brown +1500

Player to make the first interception. Same deal.

Will Smith +1800
Clint Session +1500
Gary Brackett +1500
Randall Gay +1000

MVP's, same deal, all $100 odds are in money payouts

Darren Sharper +3300
Reggie Wayne +1000
Will Smith +5000
Austin Collie +1800
Drew Brees +300

Under 8 punts, it's -160 but a lock.

Over 3.5 sacks +240 (Risk $100)

Enjoy the game, should be a good one.

Thursday, February 04, 2010

I can't compete with Blue...

...he put in way too much effort yesterday.

That said, I do have to say something about the Celtics. People around here are going crazy because the Celtics have been playing like shit lately. I'm certainly no basketball expert, but it seems like they are losing a lot of leads late in games. That to me suggests they tire late, which is a result of a team getting old. Rewind to a few years back when the Celtics acquired KG and Ray Allen. One of the concerns was that it would make the C's stong in the short term but that the Big 3 were a little old and they would decline quickly. This what we bargained for. The question is was it worth it to get banner 17? I say yes.

In case you missed it on LOVAD, my hope is to one day see the following entry in Merriman's*:

Main Entry: aitch
Pronunciation: \ˈāch\
Function: noun
Etymology: French hache, from Vulgar Latin *hacca
Date: circa 1580
1. the letter h
2. Chubby yet charming, taxi-driving wanna-be rock star from boston
3. a tremendous display of gullibility

Function: verb
1. to laugh out loud

I dream small.

Comment.

Wednesday, February 03, 2010

Mid Season Grades

I know half of you love the NBA, and the other half are morons, so i'm breaking down teams now that football is over and we can start putting our full attention on the association...but let me just start by saying "fuck kobe".

link to comments since the post is so long...long like my dong /lp

Eastern Conference

Cleveland Cavaliers (39-11) A---Team Lebron has done a good job of late, but they're too inconsistent and can't beat the "great" teams in the league.

Orlando Magic (33-16) B--I still hate the Vince Carter move, they're probably exactly where they should be, and hack a howard is in full effect, expect to see more of it in the postseason.

Boston Celtics (33-16) B--Have had to deal with injuries, but that's what happens when the core of your team averages 58 years old. Rajon Rondo is an all-star and deservedly so...imagine if he had a jumpshot.

Atlanta Hawks (30-17) A--good young core, and have built off the momentum of last season's playoff run. I like this team, if only they had a decent coach.

Toronto Raptors (26-23) C--weird season for them, somewhat disappointing with the moves they made in the offseason. They still might dump Bosh at the trade deadline depending on what happens over the next few weeks. Fucking Lakers.

Charlotte Bobcats (24-23) A+--Larry Brown does it again, dude can coach em up. Gerald Wallace is a legit all-star now, and captain Jack has been a good citizen. I can't wait until next year when the team turns on LB and they have a severe implosion

Miami Heat (24-24) C--Not the best showing for the d-wades. I expected more at this point. I don't think he wins another title in Miami, he'll have to go somewhere else...which I predict he will at the end of the season. (knicks anyone?)

Chicago Bulls (23-23) B--A little bit of a fall off after last season's awesome playoff performance, but they lost Ben Gordon, and keep on truckin. Vinny Del Negro has already been fired like 14 times according to the media, yet they're still a playoff team.

Milwaukee Bucks (21-26) A--This is a team as assembled that should only win 26 or 27 games, but Brandon Jennings has been amazing...makes you wonder how awesome the guys on his italian team were if he was riding pine most of last year.

New York Knicks (18-29) C--to be fair, they don't have much of a chance. They're still paying like 13 guys that aren't on their team anymore, but they'll be all clear for the offseason spending spree...D-wade and Chris Bosh with David Lee would be an awesome nucleus.

Indiana Pacers (17-32) D--I follow the NBA, and I don't know shit about this team...that makes them awful.

Detroit Pistons (16-31) F--Joe Dumars probably gets fired. I mean dude has fucked this team up...but he's made the Nuggets a great team. Gave the nuggets Carmelo by picking Darko...he gave the nuggets their captain and MVP for half a season of a banged up Iverson...then in a weird move, gave the Nuggets their starting 2 guard for nothing in the offseason. I ♥ Joe D.

Washington Wizards (16-31) F--just because of all the gunplay...team has been shooting blanks all season...literally

Philadelphia 76ers (16-31) D--picked up Iverson and he became and all-star, so they've got that going for them. Should be so much better with Igoudala and Brand...but they just suck.

New Jersey (4-43) F---can make a run at the worst record in NBA history (9-73)...Russian Billionaire will blow up the team and try and get Lebron....yeah, like that's gonna happen.

Western Conference---holy shit this is getting long (TWSS)

another link to the comments, just in case you made it this far

Los Angeles Lakers (37-12) B--Kobe and Co have fallen off a little lately, but they're still the favorites to win the West. Kobe is the all-time leading scorer in Lakers history now...still not as good as Magic.

Denver Nuggets (33-15) B--They won 54 games last year with no injury issues whatsoever, and this year they're on pace for 56-57 wins, and Melo and Chauncey have both missed significant time, as well as JR Smith being suspended the first 7 games. Ty Lawson has been awesome, and they've been playing better of late...but losses to Minnesota, the Clippers, Detroit, and the Kings (twice) keep this team from getting an A...

Dallas Mavericks (30-18) B+--hanging in there despite the Josh Howard injury. The team is old though, so we'll see how they hold up down the stretch...only 3 games from being the 8 seed.

Utah Jazz (29-18) B--They've been playing better of late, but they are what they are....probably a 50 win team...maybe make the 2nd round of the playoffs, but not a championship contender.

San Antonio Spurs (27-19) C--so the Richard Jefferson trade hasn't been so awesome...but they're still the Spurs and I expect them to finish strong, probably ending up as the 3 or 4 seed in the West...George Hill has been a great find, and played really well since Tony Parker has been out.

Portland Blazers (29-21) D--this was the year they were supposed to make the leap...but the only headlines the team is making have to do with Greg Oden's dong.

Phoenix Suns (29-21) A---started really strong, but they've been fading as of late. Amare trade rumors starting to swirl again, and a lot of teams hot on their heels for one of the final playoff spots. But they've overachieved so far this season.

Seattle Sonics (27-21) A+--probably the surprise of the western conference...good young team, led by a superstar in the making. In 3 years people will be comparing the Durant/Oden gaff by portland to the Jordan/Bowie gaff by Portland...if they aren't already. Too bad he won't stay in a shitty cow-town city.

*actual conversation the other night while watching the nuggets/okc game:
cmblue: I didn't know they had a team in Oklahoma City
blue: they don't
cmblue: but it says Oklahoma City on the floor
blue: doesn't matter, this team is from Seattle
cmblue: ::kobe bryant::

New Orleans Hornets (26-22) C--playing without Chris Paul some lately...they just don't seem to have that "it" factor this year...probably missing a couple of pieces.

Houston Rockets (26-22) B+--no way this team should be over .500 without Yao, but they've always played better without t-mac...so they've got that going for them. Aaron Brooks is a great young player, and Adelman has done a good coaching job again this year.

Memphis Grizzlies (26-22) A--2nd biggest surprise in the west this year. OJ Mayo could turn into a realllllllly good player. Rudy Gay is a borderline all-star...this is a team that could make that leap next year...or they could win 18 games...

Los Angeles Clippers (21-27) C--No expectations, no results...they're just a crappy team, playing about as well as they could.

Sacramento Kings (16-31) B--started fairly strong and are starting to fade some lately. They've got a good young core, Tyreke Evans will be a star, and Jason Thompson is turning into a good player. Plus they've got the ghost combo of Spencer Hawes and Jon Brockman.

*side note about the kings...this team should move to seattle. Has there ever been a better fit, I mean, Seattle is the Queen city or something, Seattle is in King County...Inland Empire, all kinds of Royal parallels and stuff...of course this makes too much sense. I grew up in Sacramento, trust me, there aren't any "kings" living in that area of the country.

Golden State Warriors (13-34) F--totally a dysfunctional team. Monta Ellis has decided he should shoot 40 times a night. He's so dumb that up 2, he fouled a guy launching a halfcourt shot with .8 seconds left, and cost them the game.

Minnesota Timberwolves (11-38) D--but hey, at least they'll get Ricky Rubio next year.....or not.








Tuesday, February 02, 2010

Good intentions

Seinfeld Voice

So what's the deal with school buses stopping on railroad tracks, opening their door and then driving off? Is the best place to see if a train is coming directly on the tracks? What are these drivers trained to do if a bus is coming? Floor it I guess.


Headlines

Arenas: I'll try to rebuild relationship with youth

Umm Gilbert, I would not recommend that. Most celebs who do that get in a world of trouble. See: Jackson, Michael.

Speaking of Michael, would it shock anyone if he was murdered because someone decided he did in fact rape little kids and he deserved to die?

Ruling: $220M NFL sharing pool stays

That's a big pool. I bet Keith couldn't fix it either.

Schefter: Westbrook snubbed for All-Decade

Was it an all decade all injury team? If so, yeah he was snubbed.

Plan to abandon 'don't ask, don't tell' to go before panel

Are they going to replace it with just allowing openly gay folk, or just not allowing any gay folk? ns

Pirates release ship after ransom paid

Who says Pirates aren't honorable? I hope this helps their win projection.

'GI Janes' train to protect Iraq

An old movie staring Demi Moore will not help Iraq.

Moss played hurt for Patriots

Pot is a wonderful drug.

NHL Update

San Jose has the most points, they must be the best.

UFC Picks

Randy Couture vs. Mark Coleman

Couture should roll Coleman. Coleman is usually tired after about 3 minutes of action. I would be shocked if this one makes it past round 2.


Nate Marquardt vs. Chael Sonnen

Gotta think Sonnen is completely outmatched here. Nate the Great should roll. Again, I don't see this one lasting past round 2.


Mike Swick vs. Paulo Thiago

This should be a competitive fight. I'll give the edge to Thiago, but really this one could go either way....by the by everytime I say that someone wins by KO inside of 2 mins. So if you are betting just go ahead and bet on Swick to KO Thiago.

Demian Maia vs. Dan Miller

I don't think I like either of these guys. I hope it ends in a draw, but Maia should roll.

Matt Serra vs. Frank Trigg

Serra is all talk. So is Trigg I think. This fight will feature the most in octogon talking ever. Ever. Even more than when a Shamrock fights. In any case, this should be a good one. I'll give Trigg the nod even though I am basing that on nothing.

Mac Danzig vs. Justin Buchholz

Danzig is a TUF winner. I think they are still giving him softies. He should win.

Ronnys Torres vs. Melvin Guillard

Guillard has the same last name as a guy from Walker Texas Ranger. If he learned anything from Chuck Norris he will win.

Phillipe Nover vs. Robert Emerson

This sounds like a battle of poets. I haven't heard of either of these guys. Let's say Nover wins because his name sounds foreign.

Phil Davis vs. Brian Stann

Stann can punch a lot. I think he is an ex Marine, so I figure the UFC is giving him someone who will stand with him. That is a 100% guess. I'll go with Stann because he seems more marketable than the guy I never heard of.

Tim Hague vs. Chris Tuchscherer

Hague because his name is easier to type.


Rolles Gracie vs. Whoever

Gracie will roll around on the ground a lot. A lot. And then some more. If this fight goes to the mat Gracie will win via submission in round 1. If Whoever can keep it standing he has a shot. I figure Gracie will pull guard and win easily. Whoever won't be able to resist getting the top position.

Monday, February 01, 2010

Sake bombs are the better

I don't know where to start. I didn't see any TV this weekend. That's nothing new, though. I rarely watch much TV when there are no good sports on.

I boat* a new car on Sunday. Lease on the Acura ends today and we were debating whether to buy it outright or go with something else. We went down to VW and got a pretty suite deal on a Jetta, so that is my new whip. 3 year lease, no money down, payments under $300/month, and free oil changes and any maintenance during the lease. And, we can turn it in early if I get close to the mileage limit and not be penalized. So I'm happy with it. I know most people here give a ::stank face:: to leasing, and I used to, but financially it makes sense now.

Saw some highlights from the Pro Bowl. Defenses lookt solid. Desean Jackson is fast. Tim Tebow thinks Vince Young is not a grate QB.

There is a big football game this weekend. My picks are the Colts -5.5 and under 56.5. Write it down. In invisible ink. If anyone is coming to my party, let me know. I need to know how much food to make.

OK I lied about not watching any TV this weekend. I saw some Winter X-Games on Friday night and Sunday morning. That shit sucks me every time. I can't watch the summer X-Games, but the winter games are HDH. Which is weird, because I am not a big fan of the Winter Olympics but I love me some Summer Games. Only problem with the winter X-Games is that there are no hot chicks. Like, none. It's a shame.

I'm sitting upstairs righting* this right now and cmk & hsil are watching the Grammy's downstairs. DMB is performing right now, I think. At least it sounds like him. He's fucking awful now. Like, terrible awful. He should stop making new music and just play his shit from the 90s.

Softball suckt. The team I'm on is not very good. We lost 6-5. Yes, 6-5. In softball. We get an hour time limit for softball and we were done in 45 minutes. It was awful.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino