Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Post 1,090

This is our 1,090th post. If it is a good post (it won't be) it would be our 5th good post. Nah, maybe we have like 50 good posts, we are probably batting .005, AKA just below the Mendoza line.

So I hit a bird today on my way to the gym. I am not sure what part of that sentence is most shocking. In any case I had never hit a bird before. They had always gotten out of the way. I always thought they knew what was up when a car was barrelling down on them and that they'd fly away at the last second. Then they'd go brag to the female birds and get laid. Not laid like an egg, laid like Blue wants to be by Katy Perry. Or laid like El Pad wants to be by at least 10 people he sees every day. In any case I forgot to check the grill of the car to see if the bird is jammed in there. I forgot at the gym and I forgot at work. Hopefully I will remember after work.

Also yeah, I am going to the gym again. I say again, but really I haven't gone regularly since about 2001. I am not sure what the statue of limitations is on saying you're doing something again is, but I guess it doesn't really run out. So yeah, I am going to the gym again. Well I went yesterday and I went today. I am woefully out of shape. I am hopefully to get not so round by the end of summer. I guess that is bad timing. You're supposed to do that before summer. Oh well, better late than never.

So I went to ND this weekend to visit cgtif's family. They were nice. There were a lot of them. She has 3 brothers and 1 sister and between those people they have like 8 little kids. Most of the little kids were afraid of me, so it was easy to deal with them. See kid, watch kid run away, I can handle that. The ones that weren't afraid were cool. I played baseball with 2 of them. One of them told me I have small ears. I do, he is right. I'll have to look that up on the google machine and see what that means. Anyway, not only did cgtif and tem not get to sleep in the same bed, or the same room, we didn't even get to sleep in the same house. Cgtif got banished to the neighbor's place. I got to stay in the guest room, which had two single beds. I love sleeping on a single bed, it's like you are on a cliff and if you roll at all you'll fall off. So great. Well it was better than a couch, so I am not going to bitch about it.

ND is very flat. You can see a long ways. Oh and on the way there I had my best flight ever. One, I got to sit next to a smoking hot chick (cgtif was already in ND so I was flying solo), two, the smoking hot chick was friendly and talked to me and three they gave me a full can of pop. Also we did not crash or anything so that was good too. Anyway, aside from joining the mile high club (highly unlikely these days, thanks Bin Laden (joke stolen from The Hangover)) it will be very hard to beat that flight.

It was weird, when hot chick struck up a conversation with me I immediately assumed she was a spy for cgtif. Maybe she was. She was from ND and since there are about 46 people from that state I assume they all know each other.

Sports? I don't want to talk about sports. Nothing is going on in the world of sports. There is no important soccer being played (because no soccer is important), free agents for basketball don't matter because there will be a lockout after this season and all the really good ones are staying put, football is not in season and baseball is cruising into the all star break. By the by, I got snubbed for the all star team.....again.

Oh JaMarcus Russel got arrested for codeine possession....seriously that's a crime? He must have pissed off the local cops. Dumb ass.

When I was flying I noticed that Target stores have their Target Logo on their rooftops. This plan will backfire if anyone ever starts bombing us.

Oh and props to Keith for setting a good over under for last post. I figure someone rigged it at the end though. Didn't look. Too lazy.

OK done.

272 comments:

1 – 200 of 272   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

"Or laid like El Pad wants to be by at least 10 people he sees every day."

Hilarity.

And I think 10 is way too low btw, that # is probably just for the guys.

BLUE said...

notre dame is cool

Beth said...

WFT? I posted a comment a little bit ago and it's now gone.

BLUE said...

well ain't that a bitch

BLUE said...

i had another comment, but it disappeared

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

which city in ND were you in tem? I'm one of the (presumably) few who thinks Eastern North Dakota is actually a pretty nice place (Fargo, Grand Forks area)

BLUE said...

saucy

BLUE said...

and......boom goes the dynamite

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

of course, if cgtif's family is from the western part of the state, they might be sitting on a lot of oil; you should probably dig next time out if that's the case.

Todd Packer said...

nice post, freak

Beth said...

So is blogger finally working? I've posted 2 comments already on this post and they both disappeared shortly afterwards.

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

blogger is kind of messed up today.

I left a couple comments a little under an hour ago; looks like they didn't take.

Beth said...

Or maybe blue deleted them...

Meiz said...

Hello?

tem said...

lots of people commenting today

tem said...

i figure people agreed ahead of time to go comment somewhere else.

tem said...

or someone was killing LOV members 1 by 1 and I was the last remaining.

tem said...

i think blogger is being a bitch.

new blue comments keep appearing before mine.

at least appearing to me.

tem said...

and then my comments keep disappearing.

at least to me.

BLUE said...

EP is on vacation, he carries this place you know

Beth said...

I've commented 4 times already today on this post and each time it's disappeared shortly afterwards. I'm guessing others are having the same issue.

Let's see how long this one stays up...

Spaceman Spiff said...

"this chick commented yesterday.

find out why, spiff."

spammer

Spaceman Spiff said...

"I went to her personal blog; it was actually pretty good (although I mostly skimmed; the posts were super long)"

must have checked out a blog 'she' follows, 'her' personal blog just posts bets that you should make

Spaceman Spiff said...

the guy just put up a chicks picture and name to get more hits

BLUE said...

blue as the adam schefter of the NBA got the Amare deal right.

missed on rudy gay though...damn.

I guess the knicks will get mike miller now instead

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

yup, that cryptic message from the stranger a couple days ago must have been a veiled threat.

Spaceman Spiff said...

my comments disappeared asswell*

jugdish said...

jug isn't working today

Beth said...

"I left a couple comments a little under an hour ago; looks like they didn't take."

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Todd Packer said...

"WFT? I posted a comment a little bit ago and it's now gone."

i did too

Meiz said...

I'm blaming Freak

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

^^^^


my first thought was, "what if freak is just fucking with us"

Meiz said...

So, weekends? Anybody?

Keef said...

"jug isn't working today"


Jug can go fuck himself

Meiz said...

New kid put on a sweatshirt. Fucking pussy. Its 70 degrees in here.

Keef said...

wall

Meiz said...

This place blows

Keef said...

so talk about cgmif

Keef said...

tem
I did not know that

jugdish said...

so talk about cgmifwnid



fixed

BLUE said...

Meiz

BLUE said...

if this blog is going to continue to be this unstable, I might have to go back to shanoff's blog

BLUE said...

like zeke did

BLUE said...

yesterday was the day that doc brown set for Marty to go into the future in B2tF2


i don't see the hovering skateboards and shit yet.

Meiz said...

"so talk about cgmif"


No.

Meiz said...

"yesterday was the day that doc brown set for Marty to go into the future in B2tF2"


Nope. Internet hoax. It was in October.

tem said...

eff blogger

tem said...

cgtif is from some town just east of Bismark.

about 60 miles east.

tem said...

"Let's see how long this one stays up..."


obvious twss

tem said...

i didn't see beth's 9am comment until like 1:30 pm.

when i first looked it was all blue.

tem said...

cgtif's family has a huge ass farm.

tem said...

had a free lunch today.

it had mayonaise on it so i couldn't eat it.

woe. gotta go buy my own lunch.

BLUE said...

what do they do with huge asses?

manure?

or just use the asses to as pack animals

BLUE said...

cgtif must like donkeys a lot

tem said...

they use them to as pack animals

BLUE said...

was there a bunch of little keith's running around?

Beth said...

"i didn't see beth's 9am comment until like 1:30 pm."

Yeah, that was one of the ones that disappeared. But now it's back. Blogger is a mess today.

tem said...

no. no little keiths.

tem said...

blogger got wrecked for the 4th.

BLUE said...

"they use them to as pack animals"

touche(accent agu)

Meiz said...

I guess my expectations for today were a little high.

tem said...

blogger expectations or work expectations?

Meiz said...

LOV expectations

tem said...

i think blogger derailed a good day

Keef said...

"No."

It would wake up LOV

Keef said...

Or it was just a fake story

BLUE said...

mize thinks sex is "icky" anyway

tem said...

fake stories wake up LOV.

see: TJW

Spaceman Spiff said...

suite goal by rik smits, outside the box, top corner hit the far post

tem said...

why didn't he dunk it?

Todd Packer said...

"why didn't he dunk it?"

because soccer sucks

BLUE said...

he dunked it like an oreo

BLUE said...

speaking of catchphrases.

the sub guy that Fox sports was using for Rockies games last week sucked.

his catchphrase "it's not a mile high but it's high enough....home run"


gay

BLUE said...

"raptors would ok deal with cleveland"

except that Bosh has said "cleveland sucks, I don't want to live there"

so they got that going for them.

tem said...

bosh doesn't know that he can fuck Bron's mom?

Keef said...

New winder* for the patio door is gonna cost about $400. Goddman. Might just end up putting in French doors instead

Keef said...

I dunno Lloyd, the French are as.holes

tem said...

have hsil pay for it and call it 1 months rent.

tem said...

maybe she can just fuck the guy from there and get it for free.

win win.

you get a window and aren't out any cash, she is out no cash.

BLUE said...

"you get a window and aren't out any cash, she is out no cash."

the barter system is great

Keef said...

Hmm, just got another quote for $290. The first place I called must be in NYC

BLUE said...

things aren't more expensive in NYC, it just costs more to live there

Keef said...

so it's more expensive

jugdish said...

don't forget, you'll make three times the salary there


/tp and Lp

Keef said...

Maybe I'll just work there and commute from here every day

Keef said...

LP should move to NJ

tem said...

maybe the $290 place is shitty construction.

just have some mexican do it for $10.

go to home depot, buy the window, then pick up a mexican or two in the lot across the street and give them $10.

BLUE said...

just have a mexican stand in the way of the door

Keef said...

I'm not building a house or doing landscaping

Keef said...

And we don't have Mexicans standing outside the HD I'm at

tem said...

yes you do. they hide from employees so you won't see them.

Keef said...

Finally has time for that shit

tem said...

maybe bosh will join the cavs and tweet for bron.

BLUE said...

maybe he'll tweet for bron while boning his momo

Keef said...

momo is what I call mormons

BLUE said...

the best story I heard was that the cavs are winning the bron sweepstakes because their pitch was filled with cartoons and video games and shit that would wow a kid.

while everyone else treated him like an adult and a saavy businessman...and they were wrong.

BLUE said...

is it because you can't pronounce your 'r's

Meiz said...

Mad busy, you

Meiz said...

100

Meiz said...

"Or it was just a fake story"


Bitch please

Keef said...

"Bitch please"

Yeah my bad for thinking you would make something up, Pecos

tem said...

don't even treat him like an adult.

BLUE said...

found out you can buy an xbox 360 for like 149 now

it made me feel all tingly inside

tem said...

that seems like a good price

BLUE said...

it's the arcade one, which i don't know what that means

BLUE said...

but it sounded like i could play pacman and space invaders so i'm down

tem said...

its a colleco vision

BLUE said...

at the 4th of july celebration in town some white trash people were trying to get people to sign "against obama care".

So I politely asked them to explain "obama care" to me. They of course could not, so I refused to sign, and tolt them to maybe take a shower.

BLUE said...

damn hippies anyway

Meiz said...

"it's the arcade one, which i don't know what that means"


That means it has no hard drive, so you can't save games.

Meiz said...

Oh! And, she busted out a sundress. Just. For. Me. Holla back.

BLUE said...

is it your size?

BLUE said...

"That means it has no hard drive, so you can't save games."

why do I need to save games

jugdish said...

is it your size?



hilarity

tem said...

*at the 4th of july celebration in town some whiskey tango people were trying to get people to sign "against obama care".


fixed

BLUE said...

alpha mike foxtrot?

BLUE said...

why do they need "trot" at the end of fox.

does that word get easily confused.

I would think you'd hear the "ox" part and realize what letter they were referring too.

BLUE said...

there are some women in my office who would be pretty hot if they had boob jobs

I should tell them.

tem said...

would they be foxhot?

tem said...

they do foxtrot because aren't they all 2 syllables?

Meiz said...

AMF?


Like the bowling equipment people.

BLUE said...

"they do foxtrot because aren't they all 2 syllables?"

that's what I thought, but Mike isn't two syllables

BLUE said...

"AMF?


Like the bowling equipment people."

no, like the A-team

BLUE said...

maybe it's michael and I just don't know it

BLUE said...

nope...G is Golf

and I is India.

so the syllables thing is out.

I'm going with the guy who made these up liked dancing with the stars.

tem said...

g is golf too, apparently.

Spaceman Spiff said...

g should be golfing

tem said...

A Alpha
B Bravo BRAH VOH
C Charlie
D Delta
E Echo
F Foxtrot
G Golf
H Hotel
I India
J Juliett
K Kilo
L Lima
M Mike
N November
O Oscar
P Papa
Q Quebec
R Romeo
S Sierra
T Tango
U Uniform
V Victor
W Whiskey
X X-ray
Y Yankee
Z Zulu

tem said...

g should be ghetto.

Meiz said...

"g should be golfing"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

tem said...

oscar uniform tango

Keef said...

"g is golf too, apparently."

I should go golf this afternoon

Keef said...

is the whiskey oscar papa gone all week?

BLUE said...

yes echo papa is gone for the week

or Lima Papa

BLUE said...

z should be zima


/freak

Todd Packer said...

"is the whiskey oscar papa gone all week?"

affirmative, kilo echo victor

Aitch said...

""yesterday was the day that doc brown set for Marty to go into the future in B2tF2"


Nope. Internet hoax. It was in October."

And it was in 2015.

BLUE said...

it's not october of 2015 yet?

Aitch said...

"there are some women in my office who would be pretty hot if they had boob jobs

I should tell them."

My friend just got a boob job. Waiting to see the "after"

BLUE said...

after is usually better than before

BLUE said...

except in Tara Reid's case

Aitch said...

100 degrees here today. I don't know how you do it, Keef. NS.

Aitch said...

"after is usually better than before"

That's what I'm thinking. She was a 7 before, so the after will be nice.

Meiz said...

I'm having a ham sammich tonight. I splurged.

Aitch said...

"I'm having a ham sammich tonight. I splurged."

Suite

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

USC is releasing offensive tackle recruit Seantrel Henderson from his national letter of intent, coach Lane Kiffin said Tuesday.


woot, I've been waiting to hear that news. Gophs are back in the running again

Meiz said...

"Suite"

Also got her to use this^^ this weekend. Journalism major. Hugely against doing things like that.

DET

Aitch said...

"Also got her to use this^^ this weekend. Journalism major. Hugely against doing things like that.

DET"

Wow, you should be so proud...

Meiz said...

My sarcasm meter is broken.

Keef said...

"affirmative, kilo echo victor"


ha

Keef said...

"100 degrees here today. I don't know how you do it, Keef. NS."


I don't go to Boston

Keef said...

Ice cream man is going by right now. You want something, tem?

Keef said...

This home internets phenomenon is grate*!

Aitch said...

"I don't go to Boston"

Well played

Aitch said...

Seriously, this heat is so fucking oppressive.

Meiz said...

"This home internets phenomenon is grate*!"


Better than TV!

Keef said...

"Seriously, this heat is so fucking oppressive."

Don't go outside

Keef said...

"Better than TV!"

Close

Meiz said...

You catch the multi-call on Rome today? Fucking awesome. Jay Mohr redeemed himself a little bit w/me.

Keef said...

I missed it. I got back in the car right after because I heard him read a few emails about it. What was it?

Keef said...

I'm dling Recovery now

Meiz said...

"I missed it. I got back in the car right after because I heard him read a few emails about it. What was it?"


He just had a bunch of people on the phone all at the same time. It was a trainwreck, and it was awesome.

Keef said...

OIC. What does "Jay Mohr redeemed himself a little bit w/me" mean? You got beef?

Meiz said...

Another icer: somebody else told me she's had sex dreams about me. Bam.

Keef said...

"Another icer: somebody else told me she's had sex dreams about me. Bam."


You know what even tops that? Having real sex with her. Get on that

Meiz said...

"OIC. What does "Jay Mohr redeemed himself a little bit w/me" mean? You got beef?"

This

Meiz said...

"You know what even tops that? Having real sex with her. Get on that"


No doubt. I'm kind of a slut lately. Its great.

Keef said...

"This"

OIC. But he's married to Nikki Cox and we're not.

Keef said...

I think he's a funny dude.

Spaceman Spiff said...

nick webber-agnew

Meiz said...

Who?

Aitch said...

"No doubt. I'm kind of a slut lately. Its great."

Fun times.

Keef said...

18/20

Keef said...

wall

Aitch said...

12/20. Ouch

Keef said...

"12/20. Ouch"

Portugal & Brazil must suck



goddman spoiler

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

19


I don't know how anyone could have guessed that 20th country

Meiz said...

I was busy figuring out how to get vodka back in the bottle without using a funnel.

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

I tried Portugal and Brazil

Keef said...

I got #20 right, if you're talking about the Oceania one. I misst* #12 & #16

Keef said...

"I was busy figuring out how to get vodka back in the bottle without using a funnel."

Pour it slowly

Meiz said...

16/20

Keef said...

Recovery is pretty good

Meiz said...

"Pour it slowly"


If you pour slow, it runs down the outside of the glass.

Meiz said...

"Recovery is pretty good"


That's what I've heard

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

no, not the 20th answer, I meant the one I missed.


I won't spoil it completely, but think South America

Keef said...

spaghetti w/ meat sauce, salad, & cheese garlic bread

DIT*

Keef said...

with a nice cold glass of melk*

Aitch said...

I'm enjoying Hell's Kitchen.

Keef said...

"I won't spoil it completely, but think South America"

OIC. I got that one only because I named about 6 countries in SA

Keef said...

"If you pour slow, it runs down the outside of the glass"


Do you have a measuring cup that has the little notch where you pour it?

Can a brother get 4 mo? said...

oh damn, I didn't notice that the sporcle gave you the continent.

How did I miss that? Would have made it easier.

Keef said...

"oh damn, I didn't notice that the sporcle gave you the continent.

How did I miss that? Would have made it easier."


hilarity

Keef said...

pretty good to get 19 w/o knowing the continents

Aitch said...

"spaghetti w/ meat sauce, salad, & cheese garlic bread

DIT*"

Awesome, until the milk.

Keef said...

"Awesome, until the milk."


yeah it's colov. But if if what if if

Keef said...

boom

Keef said...

block

Keef said...

bold

Keef said...

bnew

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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino