Tuesday, July 13, 2010

HR Derby

Live from the Temdo we are watching the HR derby on ESPN. Let’s get to the running diary. Spoilers ahead. By the by I am just doing the first round. Find out who won on your own. Use the google man.

8:01 – Train is playing some song I have never heard. Train is a bunch of skinny white dudes. Well the singer is a skinny white dude. The two guitarists are Howie Mandell and Billy Ray Cyrus…who knew?

Sidenote – Dinner for tonight is Kraft Mac n Cheese, but I don’t have milk. Gonna just skip that part. Some people say add extra butter and it is fine, but I don’t have any extra butter. I should go to the grocery mart.

8:05 – Intros…Chris Young is skinny. Vernon Wells is there. Corey Hart is the token white guy. Swisher looks not white tonight, but I am pretty sure he is. Also, interesting note, he leads the lead in fun per Chris Berman. Holliday was introduced while I was typing and Big Papi is there. Hanley Ramirez looks like he is there to win. I just made that up. Cabrera is there too. That’s our competitors.

8:06 – Yes! Joe Morgan is there. I put the over under for stupid comments from him at 24. Bobby V is there too, but he is not funny. Morgan picks Cabrera because he had the best introduction. Bobby V picks Jose Ortiz….not sure who Jose Ortiz is, but that’s Bobby V’s pick. Berman picks Vernon Wells because Toronto is close to Buffalo.

8:10 – Bo Jackson throws out the first pitch….high, ball 1. There was also some insurance salesman there. Probably for Bo’s hip.

8:12 – Erin Andrews is there. She looks OK.

8:15 – Someone told Bobby V that Ortiz’s first name is David. He is off to a rough start.

8:16 – Chris Young up first. They must be going lightest to heaviest.

8:18 – Kids in the outfield are just horrible. Can’t they get non retards?

8:20 – Young is hitting the State Farm gold ball. If he hits a homerun someone gets $3,000. I hope it is me. Then Young pops it up. He gets 1 HR, not going to win it.

8:22 – Vernon Wells time. Odds are -160 he gets hurt. First swing is a drive, it is caught by the same retarded tall kid that catches everything. He has like 7 catches already.

8:25 – Wells finishes with 2. Umm good job. I still don’t know what the gold ball means.








Sidenote: Mac N Cheese turned out poorly. Milk must be a key ingredient. I should not disclude* it from the preparations anymore.


8:30 – Corey Hart is up and looking to take the lead….3Hrs 1 out, he did not like being called a token white guy. He is tearing it up, up to 4 HRs now. Put him in the finals now.

8:33 – Bobby V, “wow just missed it” Umm yeah, it went out. That’s the second time Bobby V called it wrong off the bat. He was brought in the make Morgan sound smart.

8:36 – Gold ball time…nobody has hit one out. Now the State Farm donation is $45k. Hart crushed it. State Farm owes someone something. Hart finishes with 13; that alone might get him in the finals.

8:40 – Swisher is up; Arod is talking not sure why we want to hear him. We have been told no less than 10 times that Swisher is a fun guy.

8:44 – Arod won’t stop talking about Texiera. Shut up Arod.

8:45 – Swisher gets 4. Apparently that ain’t bad.

8:51 – Holliday is up….Morgan “he starts off pretty well” yeah it was a pop fly about 50 feet from the fence.

8:52 – Number of “holiday” jokes so far….2.

8:55 – Holliday finishes with 5. He hit a bunch with 9 outs. Good work. He hit 4 with 9 outs. Or if you are Bobby V he hit 5 with 9 outs. It is new math.

8:56 – Captain Keymaster (some commercial) looks like a young Forest Whitaker.

9:00 – “Jose” Ortiz is up. He has nice shoes on. Morgan wants a pair.

9:05 – Good lord these kids are horrible and judging fly balls.

9:06 – Ortiz is living down the line. Up to 6 HRs with 6 Outs.

9:06 – Bobby V just called the kids catching flies good little athletes. He is dumb. Goodness.

9:07 – Ortiz is taking a towel and Gatorade break.

9:07 – Morgan is still talking about the shoes.

9:08 – Ortiz finishes with 8. He didn’t hit another after his Gatorade break. Gatorade sucks, water is the better. So says the Waterboy.

9:10 – Will Ferrell is here now. Well not at my place. He is talking to the idiots now.

9:11 – Hanley Ramirez is up now. He is doing well. Will Ferrell and crew are not. Will Ferrell’s favorite movie of his is Anchorman.

9:14 – Ramirez takes a Gatorade break after Ortiz tells him to. Then he hits like shit for a couple outs. Water is the better. Will Ferrell is doing some Harey Carey because Berman begged him. Ramirez finishes with 9.

Sidenote: I think Hanley has some Invisiline braces on his bottom teeth.

9:17 – Will Ferrell asks about the gold ball and they explain it. Gold ball HRs are worth $17k to charity and the regulars are worth $3k.

9:22 – Cabrera is up. He needs 5 to tie, 6 to advance. I hope he gets 3.

9:26 – He is up to 4 already with 3 outs. He is hitting the ball tons.

9:30 – He finishes with 7, goodness that was boring. This running diary sucked. I hope nobody read it.

Done

406 comments:

1 – 200 of 406   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Nice use of disclude in your post tem.

El Padrino said...

"Sidenote: Mac N Cheese turned out poorly. Milk must be a key ingredient. I should not disclude* it from the preparations anymore."

you owe me money now

El Padrino said...

celebrity softball sucks me everytime

Beth said...

"you owe me money now"

I think you'll get your beer from H before you get any money from Tem for that.

El Padrino said...

green mile dude throws like a girl

that's just embarassing

Beth said...

And speaking of H and welching, you ready to pay off for the Braves taking 2 of 3 from the Mets EP?

El Padrino said...

stop it, you know i dont speak spanish

El Padrino said...

did we really bet?

i think i was away last week

Beth said...

Damn EP, you forgot already about our bet? You may need to cut back on the booze.

El Padrino said...

your* fucking with me

Beth said...

Yeah, I am. Although if you weren't on vacation you know we'd have bet.

El Padrino said...

how do the heat keep signing guys

El Padrino said...

"Yeah, I am. Although if you weren't on vacation you know we'd have bet."

i'll pay a day, pick a name
also anytime the mets braves play a standard bet will be in place

Beth said...

Trying to shed that welcher's label I see. (s)

I agree about the standard bet in the future, even if not discussed beforehand.

I'll get you a name and pic tomorrow as I'm a bit too busy today to put any real thought into it.

El Padrino said...

"I'll get you a name and pic tomorrow as I'm a bit too busy today to put any real thought into it."


hahahahahahahaha sure you are

lawyer : hey hun I SAID HALF AND HALF goddamn it!

El Padrino said...

wadr

BLUE said...

beth hun, take the benz over to the shop and have the oil changed, and get it detailed while you're there.

thanks a bunch dear

BLUE said...

(lawyer voice)

El Padrino said...

beth be a doll and grab your fav guy a subway hero, it's time i start eating fresh

El Padrino said...

i wanted to pound erin andrews into the grass last night

El Padrino said...

i think hanley wanted a piece of that ass too he was biting his lips like ll cool j while she interviewed him

BLUE said...

how EP spent his time in the mountains

BLUE said...

"i wanted to pound erin andrews into the grass last night"

EA is going to have an "expanded role" this season for college gameday (ns)

El Padrino said...

"A Dutch porn star promised to give out blowjobs to all of her Twitter followers if Holland won the World Cup, but luckily for her, they lost and she won’t have to fellate the more than 106k people she tallied after making that promise."

whoa

El Padrino said...

ortiz wants an extension

BLUE said...

""A Dutch porn star promised to give out blowjobs to all of her Twitter followers if Holland won the World Cup, but luckily for her, they lost and she won’t have to fellate the more than 106k people she tallied after making that promise." "

so when did you start following her?

kod said...

"Swisher looks not white tonight, but I am pretty sure he is."


-hilarity; I had the exact same thought when I first saw him last night

jugdish said...

steinbrenner going down

BLUE said...

"steinbrenner going down"

was he rooting for Spain?

jugdish said...

heart attack

jugdish said...

The Decision 2

kod said...

sdkod2's first day at the office today

I put a lot out there on this, really got my fingers crossed that she will do great (I'm almost certain she will though)

BLUE said...

chris paul made a toast at Melo's wedding saying that he, melo, and amare are going to make the next superteam in NY

jugdish said...

i don't like the super team era

tem said...

chris paul, melo and bogut are making the clippers the next super team

tem said...

"i don't like the super team era"

USA
USA
USA
USA
USA

jugdish said...

chris paul, melo and bogut are making the clippers the next super team


mize bait

BLUE said...

"i don't like the super team era"

but how do you feel about the superfriends?

jugdish said...

steinbrenner died apparently

BLUE said...

nuggets management said they tried to get Jermaine O'neal and were his 2nd choice to the Celtics

nuggets management said they tried to get Udonis Haslem and he took less money to stay in Miami

nuggets management seems to "just miss" on a lot of people lately

my bet, they'll "just miss" on Brad Miller

jugdish said...

but how do you feel about the superfriends?



im fine with them as long as they don't take their talents to south beach

BLUE said...

"steinbrenner died apparently"

O:FCM?

BLUE said...

too soon?

tem said...

what if they take their talents to chicago?

tem said...

if steinbrenner dies we will see 4 days of specials on him.

tem said...

yay for my vacation.

oh i'll be on vacation next tuesday and need a spot start.

tem said...

i leave tomorrow and come back next tues.

i leave HH at 6am on tues. i hate mornings.

tem said...

"too soon?"


LOV rule number 17 says it is never too soon.

El Padrino said...

i think george steinbrennar is dead

tem said...

"Papelbon could lose closer job "

fucking pool

El Padrino said...

lil late on that

tem said...

"you owe me money now"

you haven't filed your patent yet.

tem said...

or trademark or whatever

jugdish said...

what if they take their talents to chicago?



chicago already has the super fans

BLUE said...

and jay cutler

BLUE said...

2 ideas for the HR contest

have a qualifying tourney in each ballpark for average joes and work it down to like 4 average guys, and they get to go against 4 MLB players


other idea is to have all the ASG pitchers hit in the derby

BLUE said...

double rainbow guy is going to get a web redemption...no doubt

El Padrino said...

baseball needs a skills contest like nuba

kod said...

the easiest thing they can do to make the HR derby better would be to forbid Chris Berman from coming within 100 feet of any live mic.

El Padrino said...

tom emanski should run it

BLUE said...

have an old-timers vs current guys contest

who wouldn't want to go against Barry Bonds and Mark Mcgwire and Sammy Sosa.

BLUE said...

or henry aaron

Todd Packer said...

"ideas for the HR contest"

aluminum bats

Todd Packer said...

will ferrell seemed annoyed last night

Todd Packer said...

"Nice use of disclude in your post tem"


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Beth said...

I was never a Steinbrenner fan but you have to respect what he did with the Yankees. Plus, while I know it wasn't him on the show, he was part of a GREAT Seinfeld scene.



Mr. Steinbrenner : Nice to meet you.

George : Well, I wish I could say the same, but I must say, with all due respect, I find it very hard to see the logic behind some of the moves you have made with this fine organization. In the past twenty years you have caused myself, and the city of New York, a good deal of distress, as we have watched you take our beloved Yankees and reduced them to a laughing stock, all for the glorification of your massive ego!

Mr. Steinbrenner : Hire this man!

Todd Packer said...

not a huge steinbrenner fan, but he was very good to the university of florida over the years.... donated lots of $$$

El Padrino said...

george has a cool life, did alot more than just beisbol

jugdish said...

stenbrenner in seinfeld was awesome...no doubt

El Padrino said...

*had a cool life

Beth said...

"not a huge steinbrenner fan, but he was very good to the university of florida over the years.... donated lots of $$$"

See, another reason for me to dislike him!

s

jugdish said...

he was so young too...sad


/tp

El Padrino said...

"The hope that fired up the election of Barack Obama has flickered out, leaving a national mood of despair and disappointment. Americans are dispirited over how wrong things are and uncertain they can be made right again. Hope may have been a quick breakfast, but it has proved a poor supper. A year and a half ago Obama was walking on water. Today he is barely treading water. Then, his soaring rhetoric enraptured the nation. Today, his speeches cannot lift him past a 45 percent approval rating."

i like this article

jugdish said...

new reality show

Meiz said...

I just noticed the fucking douchebag new kid writes left-handed. I really want to punch the fuck out of his face now. Just fucking lay him out.

El Padrino said...

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Spaceman Spiff said...

forgot about my blue bet again

blue name/pic

tebowner patrol

El Padrino said...

traning camp end of monf

det

El Padrino said...

kevin hart makes me laugh

El Padrino said...

getting massive blogger errors every refresh

Spaceman Spiff said...

"how EP spent his time in the mountains"

bluefast

Spaceman Spiff said...

keef, after beff is done with EP name/pic, do you want to go first for the knick bron bet

Tebowner Patrol said...

I do love me some Tebow

Tebowner Patrol said...

I also ♥ Brady Quinn

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Danny Ferry and Billy King have emerged as finalists for president's job with Nets "

blueprint for greatness thing not working out too well

Steve said...

"I just noticed the fucking douchebag new kid writes left-handed."


Nothing wrong with being left handed

Steve said...

"Women grab each other like animals when the guards aren't looking. It's disgusting."


sounds kinda cool

kod said...

"Nice use of disclude in your post tem"

-I accidentally used disclude in a client letter this morning; good thing Word caught that (ns)

-LOV HDH mixes me up from time to time

Steve said...

Bush's Boat Runs Aground On Maine Beach


God! He can't do ANYTHING right.

Tebowner Patrol said...

i also love double rainbows...

Spaceman Spiff said...

dat cleavage

Keef said...

"he leads the lead in fun per Chris Berman"


Suite. Lots of HDH from tem today

Keef said...

"i'll pay a day, pick a name"

So you owe me a day, too, right?

Tebowner Patrol said...

sofia vergara is smokin hot

Keef said...

"keef, after beff is done with EP name/pic, do you want to go first for the knick bron bet"


Our bet is off. I had Chicago, he had CM

Keef said...

"sofia vergara is smokin hot"


TWHNBS

Tebowner Patrol said...

thats what her new boyfriend said?

Keef said...

truer words have nerve been spoken

Tebowner Patrol said...

gotchya

Tebowner Patrol said...

i think this is circle of LOV, but I watch her TV show mainly because of her hotness.

it's a good show too, but her hotness makes it "must see"

Meiz said...

"Nothing wrong with being left handed"


Agree to disagree

Keef said...

I keep thinking I need to watch that show but I still haven't seen it once

Keef said...

Whitlock on DP right now. He said Jesse's comments about the Cavs owner are redonk

Tebowner Patrol said...

jesse dun lost his mind

to compare a guy who just got paid 16M to a slave is the most ignorant thing, and should be offensive to slaves.

Tebowner Patrol said...

I'd compare it more to a CEO who just lost his COO or VP of Marketing to a competitor...of course they're going to be pissed.

Tebowner Patrol said...

and that COO or VP of marketing not only is going to a competitor, but they're taking less money, just so they can work with their friends

that's a pretty good slap in the face to a business owner

El Padrino said...

"Our bet is off. I had Chicago, he had CM"

USA USA USA!

El Padrino said...

"So you owe me a day, too, right?"

sure

Tebowner Patrol said...

I would expect a similar reaction from the CEO of DB if EP went to the frenchies

El Padrino said...

that ship has sailed

jugdish said...

there was a similar reaction to "Everybody draw mize" day

El Padrino said...

i'm flirting with lazard actually
which is us, based out of new orleans i think

El Padrino said...

i shouldnt have written that
wonder if my internets police know i'm here

Tebowner Patrol said...

the SS knows everything

El Padrino said...

dammit

El Padrino said...

it's pouring and i'm hungry

Keef said...

Yankees PA announcer
Steinbrenner
Arod?!?!?!?!

Tebowner Patrol said...

"Arod?!?!?!?!"

nope, they found a cure for AIDS

Keef said...

81/81

kod said...

to compare a guy who just got paid 16M to a slave is the most ignorant thing, and should be offensive to slaves.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^


times a billion

Keef said...

I wish I had a brazilian dollars becuase I'd put it all on the Yankees winning it all this year

tem said...

81

Tebowner Patrol said...

75/81

kod said...

Yikes, big protests going on here again; this time on the Western reservation I cover.

They had to shut down the government and courts; sounds like they arrested most of the protesters this morning. Wonder how it will all play out...

tem said...

what are they protesting? LeBron (s)?

Meiz said...

Hey, As. FB shots have been fired. Feel free to do your thing.

kod said...

trying to remove major government officials seems to be the main goal

I guess the protests have been going on for a few days (and the gov/courts have been shut down since yesterday), but I just learned of all this a few hours ago since I haven't been out there for a couple weeks

kod said...

"Hey, As. FB shots have been fired. Feel free to do your thing."


I was going to comment about Keith calling all the defensive plays on his softball team, but then decided I wouldn't get involved

El Padrino said...

sounds like teaparties

Tebowner Patrol said...

"They had to shut down the government and courts; sounds like they arrested most of the protesters this morning. Wonder how it will all play out..."


it will play out with more work for Kod

Tebowner Patrol said...

damn that tebow is a handsome gentleman

kod said...

"it will play out with more work for Kod"

-I'm on the civil side, so I don't think that will happen. My friends on the criminal side, however....much more work

Tebowner Patrol said...

doesn't sound like they're being very civil

tem said...

ha. iswydt

Keef said...

"Hey, As. FB shots have been fired. Feel free to do your thing."


Yeah, I saw that. I'll hit it up when I get home

tem said...

as. is trying to be less of an as.

he will be civil.

civil like a protesting indian.

Tebowner Patrol said...

maybe as. is a tort

tem said...

why don't they have a machine that changes baby diapers for you?

you just put the baby in there and it pulls off the old diaper, wipes the ass and crotch down and puts on a new one for you.

jugdish said...

kod

tem said...

are you saying he is some sort of dessert?

jugdish said...

you just put the baby in there and it pulls off the old diaper, wipes the ass and crotch down and puts on a new one for you.



that's called a wife


/Lp

Tebowner Patrol said...

WHY DID YOU TRADE JAY BUHNER

El Padrino said...

you know what makes chinese food better, when you crush the noodles they give you for the soup and add them to the rice/combo of whatever you ordered

Keef said...

"as. is trying to be less of an as.

he will be civil."



I thought about taking the high road. But that's no fun

El Padrino said...

uncle jessie banged a 17 year old at spring break

jugdish said...

from the dukes of hazard?

El Padrino said...

awesome article on the refs at those soccer matches everyone was so worked up over

Keef said...

"from the dukes of hazard?"

creepy

El Padrino said...

it would be awesome if i could breast feed

Keef said...

TOTPM

El Padrino said...

that was from the Hangover

Beth said...

"from the dukes of hazard?"

No, John Stamos.

tem said...

quotes from movies aren't totpm

tem said...

john stamos wasn't on the dukes of hazzard

tem said...

by the by, nobody has linked where i can watch alexis texas in the dukes of hazzard parody for free.

El Padrino said...

well if i remember to link it from home, cant link it here

Spaceman Spiff said...

WFT

El Padrino said...

uncle jessie from full house

Tebowner Patrol said...

"by the by, nobody has linked where i can watch alexis texas in the dukes of hazzard parody for free."

it was linked on June 18th

El Padrino said...

feds called

they want they money

fuck me

Tebowner Patrol said...

they're worse than bookies

Keef said...

"WFT"

Schocking that it happened in Michigan

Keef said...

schocking. nice

El Padrino said...

this is the dumbest thing i ever did in my life, i'm so disappointed in myself

El Padrino said...

total baffoonery

Beth said...

Recent quote from Sting:

“I have a feeling that all New Yorkers, no matter what they’re doing, are in their own TV series with their own theme music, and you are merely a guest on their show.”

El Padrino said...

that's the stupidest quote i ever read

El Padrino said...

stay in britain ya old fuck

Keef said...

LP's show is called White Webster

Keef said...

"that's the stupidest quote i ever read"


Non-NYers can see where the quote is coming from

ns

Beth said...

"stay in britain ya old fuck"

I think he was saying that's a positive thing there EP.

Beth said...

Non-NYers can see where the quote is coming from

ns

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Keef said...

"I think he was saying that's a positive thing there EP."


I read it as saying that NYers think it's their world and everyone else is just visiting

Tebowner Patrol said...

emanual padrino

El Padrino said...

I read it as saying that NYers think it's their world and everyone else is just visiting


^this

Aitch said...

"Hey, As. FB shots have been fired. Feel free to do your thing."

Curtis?

Aitch said...

"dat cleavage"

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaamn

tem said...

"it was linked on June 18th"

you lie.

but i did find out on that day kod said cmkod would be down with a 3 way.

Aitch said...

<a href="http://www.nydailynews.com/news/world/2010/07/09/2010-07-09_coroner_says_uk_nanny_loved_herself_to_death.html?obref=obinsite>A warning to Beth</a>

Sorry if this is Padrinoed.

Tebowner Patrol said...

i tried to explain to cmblue that I needed to buy an xbox 360 and medal of honour* because sometimes I need an escape from fairytale land and the world of the disney princesses.

she did not understand

Tebowner Patrol said...

"you lie.

but i did find out on that day kod said cmkod would be down with a 3 way.'


mission accomplished

Keef said...

grate link

Aitch said...

"grate link"

I don't know WTF happened. I typed it out right...

Aitch said...

A warning to Beth

Fixed?

Tebowner Patrol said...

you forgot the second ""s

Aitch said...

"you forgot the second ""s"

Yea, I saw that afterwards

Aitch said...

I had my first glass of soda in over a month. Goddman was it suite*. And not in a good way.

Aitch said...

Padrino, sorry about the tax situation. NS.

It's fun to bust balls back and forth, but I never wish you any actual harm, financially or otherwise.

Aitch said...

As far as your question from yesterday, I originally had the Cavs logo, but I thought the Knicks were funnier because you were so convinced he was going there.

jugdish said...

It's fun to bust balls back and forth, but I never wish you any actual harm, financially or otherwise.


some beer would help ease his pain

Aitch said...

I had to be physically restrained yesterday at my pool match. One of my teammates "jokingly" smacked me in the face. I immediately took a swing that lucky for him missed, since he is about 5'5". NS.

Aitch said...

"some beer would help ease his pain"

Funny

Aitch said...

I'm watching A Few Good Men. I bet the first time Kod heard this title he dropped a Hey There...

kod said...

ah, so Aitch isn't above taking a swing at a little guy

good thing I'm not going to Chicago; drunk kod can get quite punchable at times

tem said...

"feds called

they want they money

fuck me"


USA USA USA USA USA USA USA USA

Aitch said...

"ah, so Aitch isn't above taking a swing at a little guy"

I'm an exceedingly patient guy for most things. NS. But hitting me in the face and or head is not one of them. If drunk Kod or anyone in ChiTown were to do that, yea violence may follow.

Aitch said...

I think any guy would have reacted the same.

Tebowner Patrol said...

" drunk kod can get quite punchable at times"

no way

Tebowner Patrol said...

"I think any guy would have reacted the same."

not when I have my sundress on

/mize

Tebowner Patrol said...

wolves/jazz finalize terms on jefferson trade


fuck me

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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