Friday, July 30, 2010


Tebow has officially started his ascent to the top of the NFL food chain, 5 years 33MM. Broncos had a weird off-season not for nothing blue.

Training camp, some stories to follow.

McNabb, Delhomme (Holmgren years begin), Campbell situations, a bit boring but interesting at the same time.
Dez Bryant and pre-season favorite Cowboys
TO and Ocho finally together forever

Aforementioned Broncos
Weis in KC
Cutler/Martz marriage ( they need a 10+ win season or Lovie is gone)

Falcons bore me so pick your own storyline.
Rams on the rise?
You can put Coughlin in that Lovie smiff boat too, that's fair.
Hard Knock Jets, champs of the off-season, they are running in front of any and all cameras

Big Ben, reacclimated into Pittsburgh. That dude has ben* threw some shit huh? Rookie year = Super Bowl, played horribly still won, off-season motorcycle accident, Cowher leaving, Super Bowl year then the growping* rape thing which led to 4 games off and some rehab. Some shit right there... still young

Sparano very quietly building a really physical quick team in south beach.
The Tom Brady contract watch.
Life after Kurt.
Life with Kolb.
Some say the Niners are ready, I don't see it.
Panthers, sneaky. You can put Foz in the Miff/Coughlin boat. Getting full I see.

Pete Carrol and his crazy ass on the sidelines fist pumping like The Situation.
Bucs, yeah I got nothing.
Super Bowl hangover, although outside of the Vicodin mess pretty quiet for the Saints.
Packers seem ready to me.
Farve, whatever, big dick in my opinion.

I think that's everyone, going off the top of my head.


Just fulfilled a weird preggo dinner for CMEP, Progresso Minestone soup with grated cheese and hot sauce. Watching the feet swell in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1...........

It's Friday. Cantu/Tejada got traded. Rangers are making moves for a team that is filing bankruptcy, Nolan express is NOT FUCKING AROUND.

Other Guys. Funny. Gonna see it 4 months from now like I do with every movie I want to see.

Thursday, July 29, 2010

Float the Liver

Float the liver is what we call our river trips.

I got a wild hair and ran before work this morning (40 yards). I'm shocked and suprised that I did because I went to bed at 1:30 this morning. It was a good run, and I may have to do that more often.

Jug has a suite weekend planned. Heading to Lake Charles, Louisiana not Chicago tonight for an overnight trip to celebrate a friend's birthday. I'll be back home tomorrow and on Saturday heading out to New Braunfels to float the Guadelupe River...good times! That's my "here for this" report for the is my Friday and I'm off at 2.

Jug's political corner: The AZ is funny how the public's opinion can be formed by listening to people talk about something they haven't even read for themselves. I'm not talking about anyone on this blog, but just in general. Our own president comes out and says he can be acosted for immigration papers just for taking his kids out for ice cream...couldn't be further from the truth and that is not how the law is written. How many other politicians, who have been so outspoken on this law, have admitted that they haven't even read the ten pages? I'd consider the federal government's stance on this if they were fighting it and possibly offering up an alternative to try and improve the situation...but they're just trying to pacify the situation and position themselves for the upcoming elections. I will address one thing kod said, and this is compare what AZ is proposing to Nazi Germany is just redonk. You should be required to come to Chicago on the weekend of Aug 21 and defend your position...tell cmkod you're doing it in the interest of your country! Maybe playing the national anthem in the background would help your case.

I put a whoepin* on Mize in MMA profighter last night.

A fan was escorted out of the Indians game last night for his own safety for wearing a LeBron James Heat jersey...not smat*. With that said...I hope Mize wears his Jim Edmonds Breers jersey to Chicago.

I'm ready for fantasy football!

Wednesday, July 28, 2010

this is not, the greatest post in the world

this is just a the greatest post in the world.

Rockies suck balls...they're trying to keep their heads up, but when you lose to the pirates at home (a team that had only won 11 games prior on the road all season), then it's time to pack it up and go home.

I don't give a shit how filthy the food is at ballparks, or anywhere for that matter. Maybe it taste* better because it's filthy. It's like the breakfast burrito place that I go to. Drive-thru is great, quick and efficient and you never see the 30 mexicans working in the back. If you go inside however, you see the 3 foot high pile of potatoes and eggs that they are cooking and it doesn't look as great.

Ocho Uno signed with the bengals. I actually like the move, Ocho Uno is better served as a secondary guy now anyway. He's like Jack Black, a guy who as a lead really sucks except for in School of Rock, but as a secondary character or support guy, he's great. I do feel sorry for Carson Palmer though, imagine those guys in the huddle or in a team meeting.

I'm excited for the TD celebrations, each guy trying to outdo one another.

AFC should be a tossup this year though, Jets are better (maybe), Chargers are better (unless they suck), Ravens are better, Colts are the Colts, Pats might get welker back. So it's all fun.

Football season is here...

Tuesday, July 27, 2010


I was playing this scategory type game with a buddy of mine and some other folks. It was his turn and he had to start things off by saying a brand of clothing. Then the next person would have to say another brand and so on until someone messed up. In any case he started with "hat."

Earlier he had mammals and started with "pigeon." I was in temhio too, not WaVa so I don't know why he was so dumb.

Way to go Garza. No Hitters are nice. Good work. Your team is still probably just getting the wild card, but that's nice. Wild Card teams usually do well in the playoffs. Well, better than the teams that don't make it, that's for sure.

My little cousin, he is 5, was playing super mario brothers on his handheld nintendo thing. He paused the game and announced to everyone that "mario must get tired because he never gets to sit down." Then later we found him laying on the ground in the courtyard. We asked him what was wrong, he said "I punched myself in the tenders." He is an odd kid.

Clarett enrolled in Ohio State. He will attend his first class ever this september. Yes, I know he was enrolled before, but this will be the first class he attended. Actually that isn't nice. I am sure he was a model student before.

Cavs made the Delonte trade about 4 weeks too late.

I had a lot to talk about today, but I woke up this morning and forgot it all. I suck.

Monday, July 26, 2010


Forget what that last post says. Zeke was an awful GM. Obviously the roster he put together was not better than the one he inherited because they were also a terrible team. Just because he added bigger names doesn't mean that he was a good GM. He was one of the best point guards to ever play, but as a front office basketball person, he was/is terrible. He single handedly starts an O:F(insert team/league name) wherever he goes. That's a lot of power. But he does love him some Red Lobster.

Let's see, what else happened this weekend? Um, I was watching the Rox/Fillies* game on TBS Sunday morning (PST). David Wells was one of the announcers and they had Chuck Barkley in the booth too. It was basically just the two of them making fat jokes with Ernie Johnson occasionally tossing in some game commentary. I like Chuck because he tells it like it is. Not many people like him in the world of sports. I think he makes Ernie uncomfortable with some of the shit that he says.

Mess had a solid West Coast trip. They went 2-9 on the road swing. But not to worry, LP. 2 wins out west is about the equivalent of 7 wins in CM.

Dez Bryant isn't down with rookie hazing. He said he wouldn't carry Roy 'Williams* pads. Maybe his prostitute mom had sexy time with Roy or something.

Big news around here is the Dbags trading Haren to the Angles*. IDGAF, really, because the Dbags are dbags. But good for Haren, I guess. Although he usually sucks after the All-Star brake*. So, good luck with that, Los Angeles Angels of Anaheim.

Softball team won again last night, making us disdefeated* in games we haven't had to forfeit. Not even a torrential downpour during the 4th inning when we were in the field could stop us. With that said, we'll lose our last 2 games and then lose in the 1st round of the playoffs.

We had some sushi for dinner on Saturday night. Every time we go for sushi, I always try a role* that I've nerve* had before. This time it was the crunchy calimari roll. If you like sushi rolls, AHIK*, try that one. It's moved ahead of the Las Vegas and Philadelphia roll as my new #1 favorite.

Also had the 1st ultrasound on Saturday. That ish is HDH. I think he/she is already taller than LP, too. Fucking annihilate youz.

Friday, July 23, 2010

Defending Zeke?

You know when you look at the entire body of work Isiah Thomas did over the course of 6 years it really is not that bad. I know I just opened up myself for major shots here but let me break it down for you like this for a quick second:

Inherited Roster: Othella Harrington, Kurt Thomas, Allan Houston (old and hobbled), Howard Eisley, Michael Doleac, Clarence Weatherspoon, Lee Nailon, Shandon Anderson, Charlie Ward, Lavar Postell and Frank Williams.

Now, follow me here, if the goal as a GM is to improve the roster and hire a worthy coach (Coach was Don Chaney a fine man but wasn't getting it done at that time) don't you think he did just that by flipping the above roster to this roster:

Stephon Marbury, Jamal Crawford, Q Rich, Eddy Curry (before sucking dick he was a 20 & 9 NBA center), Zach Randolph, Jalen Rose and Steve Francis. I guess the issue was to build this roster he traded away all of the Knicks draft picks crippling the Knicks ability to draft and build players. However he did draft David Lee, Trevor Ariza, Channing Frye and Nate Robinson.

Also he hired Larry Brown, the Bill Parcells of the NBA. All Brown did was go 23-59 and got paid like 40MM to walk away which is fucking absurd.

Just seems like hating Zeke was a popluar thing. There have been worse NBA GM's and the Knicks were fucked up before he got here. Scott Layden and the likes destroyed them after the Pat Ewing trade. Enough about the Knicks you probably already skipped to the comments. Apologies.

I hope the trade dealdine in beisbol heats up. So boring. All you hear is these "insiders" exchanging tweets and they are ALWAYS wrong.

I miss tweeting. NS. Only because I enjoy publishing my random thoughts in less than 140 characters. Normally they are far less than that. It's like a release.

Back to the Knicks for a second, Chris Paul is going to happen. Watch.

Colt McCoy signed. He's gonna hate Cleaveland.

Anyone else struggle with the spelling of Cleveland?

I've been showering at night lately because I figure why jump into a clean bed with the days germs all over you. Especially in the summer I sweat to and from work. Subway is underground. Be hot you*.

MLB might have a HDH test.


/everyone in MLB

Thursday, July 22, 2010

"More shit from the bogus Captain..."

That was a George Carlin line...RIP George! You can watch that part of his show here.

Not much going on in the sports world, but there has been a lot of talk about Oswalt going to the Philly's* down in this neck of the woods. Word is The Flyers* are willing to pay for his salary this year and next, but not guarantee the year after, which Roy-O wants. Philly is behind the Mess right now, although they scoff at the 1.5 game lead the Mess have on them they should make this move. Roy is Werth* the risk of paying that third year.

Bulls possibly interested in McGrady. This makes me laugh and I will get a lot of shit from my friends who are Rockets fans if they do sign him. That is a position they need help at, so he could be decent option if they don't over pay. They will over pay.

Jug weekend update...Jug is dating someone now (cgjid)...HI-YA FIVE! Anyways, we are having a Keef like weekend and going to see Wicked on Saturday night. I paid for some suite seats, so that might mean Chick Fil A for dinner. I'm cooking her dinner on Friday night too, because I'm a nice guy. CMEP sent me a recipe on FB. I asked her if I should make my own sauce, but she said that's over rated...just go with Classico because its actually better.

Random thought...I'm anxious for the Chicago trip to see what happens when we get aitch and mize in the same room with all that woe. We should call it the Chicagwoe trip.


I got nothing else...

Wednesday, July 21, 2010

NFL Training camp is coming

Browns rookies report on Friday, which kicks off the start of training camp. Broncos rookies report on Monday, which means TEBOW!!!! So expect to see a lot of draft picks signing over the next week so they can get into camp "on time". Football is really a year round sport now, so it's not that big of a deal, but I still enjoy training camp.

At camp here you can sit about 10 feet from the action, meet the players, have them sign autographs...etc. It's a good time, even in 2/3rds of the guys there won't ever see the field in a real game.

Now on to more important issues, women drivers. They suck, so do short men drivers. Something about height and estrogen makes people bad drivers. I won't single out the chinese or the japanese, but all short people. I don't think it's a coincidence that there aren't any asians in NASCAR.

LoV has been weak the last few weeks. Maybe it's the loss of zeke, maybe it's because cmep is pregnant, and cmk, and beth. But probably it's because this is a shitty time of year for sports and everyone takes vacations.

Why are the examples for "labels for this post", scooters, vacation, fall. Is there really a lot of people writing posts about scooters?

That's it, the manager is coming out to get me off the mound. I just couldn't locate today so i'm headed to the showers, maybe i'll cut my hand throwing a tantrum.

Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Rest in peace.

RIP LOV. You were a magnificent son of a bitch.

Here lies LOV, a blog built from rage and revolution. Used in the early years to talk about sports but morphed into a hilarious chat room touching on life's finer subjects. Like jorts. And sex. And poop. And woe. And piss ice.

Busting balls was a common thread. Now we need flowers for the dead.

LOV, 8/15/06 - 7/20/2010.

Monday, July 19, 2010

Goddman lightning

Goddman weekend went by too fast. Every weekend goes by too fast. This isn't new news. It's old news. But it's still news. Apparently.

The fized* oil leak is unfized*. Big ups to BP /mize

Sportscenter had one of those My Wish segments on last night. I love those goddman things. But I'll admit, they suck me every time and I always get choked up by them. The one they had last night was with a kid who was a big Oakland Raiders fan. And that wasn't even his disease. ba da boom

MJ finally said something about Lebron yesterday. He said Lebron is a goddman pussy and that he wouldn't have nerve* called Magic or Bird and axed them to join him. Not surprising, really. Everyone already knew that. But it's still good to hear him say it.

Speaking of MJ, he made those comments during that goddman celebrity golf tourney in Tahoe they have every year. Going to that event is on my bucket list. I've always wanted to go to Tahoe and that tourney looks like it would be a blast to go to.

So one-ball Lance has apparently suckt* on purpose for this goddman bikerace because he's trying to save energy to win 1 of the stages. Maybe he should of* tried to win one of the earlier stages. Cycling sucks.

Blue, your goddman name/pic for the next 3 days is I ♥ cycling

I ordered some goddman magazine subscription from that mag deal site, 2 years for $5. The magazine is Parenting: The Early Years. Why didn't anyone tell me that when you have a kid you turn ghey?

temdom side note: I don't understand the term "attempted suicide". If you wanted to kill yourself, you'd do it. You wouldn't "attempt" to do it, and then not die. A more accurate term is "desperate attempt for attention". And now back to your regularly scheduled reading...

85's show is cool. He dumped some smoking hot chick off of last night's show. She was dumb as LP, but fine as hell. (S) on the dumb as LP part. But she was really dumb.

Goddman softball got canceled tonight because the sky was lit up like a Chrismas* tree for a few hours. Lightning storms here in the summer are pretty suite. Hours of non-stop action. But probably not grate* when you're playing in a park full of metal.

Friday, July 16, 2010

T.O. comes off as gay not for nothing

Now with the 2nd half about to kick off some predictions.

I won't predict the NL East. Yanks are obviously going to win the AL East with the Rays winning the Wild Card as O:FB continues. The AL Central is CRAZY. Landmineasswell* draw straws but I think the White Sox will get it done. They have better pitching than both Minnesota and Detroit. The Rangers with Cliff Lee in fold will win the West. Dude even pitches 9 innings when he gets shelled. NL Central I like the Reds and it's no jinx. They got Volquez coming back it's like a new additon to the team. Perfect balance of veterans and young men. Good team. NS. I like the Rockies to eventually win the West but it will go down to the last week.

Footyball getting closer. Just realized I cancelled my HBO now I'll miss out on Hard Knocks.

Wade keeps defending Lebron and he seems like a good dude. Maybe even a bit smart. Does he not realize that Lebron looked like a total asswipe with the whole TV thing and whatnot? RDR?

Bash at the Beach:

It's Friday.

Thursday, July 15, 2010

::blank stare::

Random thoughts because I got nothing today...

- Direct TV started my billing for the Sunday Ticket...suite!

- People are starting to ask about our fantasy football draft already...suite!

- Hopefully the NBA will be in a lockout for 5 years...IN YOU FACE LeBron!

- Port Aransas trip was awesome last weekend, I'm still recovering. Staying out until 2 AM last night didn't help that.

- staying out until 11 or midnight tonight won't help that either...friend's birthday dinner and softball

- staying out until 2 or 3 AM on Friday won't help that either...pool party and concert.

- staying out until around midnight on Saturday won't help that either...sister in law's birthday dinner.

- I fell asleep around midnight on the first night of the trip to Port A. Yesterday I was looking at pictures on my phone only to realize that after I fell asleep one of my friends stuck his ass right by my face and someone took a pic of that with my phone...not suite.

- No coincidence that LeBron is growing that beard to make his face look more like a vagina.

- That's what vaginas really look like?? /Mize

- S

- I didn't realize that the ESPY's were on last night until I randomly saw it on a TV at the bar. Did I miss anything good?

- I just heard the Steve Carrell LeBron thing...that was funny.

- Did Rev win anything for his baseball pic?

- I'm assuming Keef got shut out in the softball category again.

- Have they added the rough touch category yet?


Wednesday, July 14, 2010

The Curse is over

Dan Gilbert is right, Lebron took his bad karma and the curse and now he has the curse on him for 1000 years, or the next 14 or something.

Take that AL, that's what you get for having Lebron.

Good thing McCann came through, even though he shouldn't even have been on the team. Miguel Olivo was much more deserving, but McCann is white and Charlie Manuel is racist.

Rumor has it that the NL was stealing signs

Why the hell did that glee chick sing so many songs? And what's the deal with mis-timing the fly over? that's my favorite part.

I broke out the USA USA USA chant no less than 7 times last night. (National Anthem, God Bless America, McCann's double, the mistimed fly-over, Beautiful, Moment of silence for Steinbrenner, and for the fat chick in red who was distracting the AL pitchers in the top of the 7th) Love it or leave it H. Love it or leave it.

rev's "double rainbow"?

Tuesday, July 13, 2010

HR Derby

Live from the Temdo we are watching the HR derby on ESPN. Let’s get to the running diary. Spoilers ahead. By the by I am just doing the first round. Find out who won on your own. Use the google man.

8:01 – Train is playing some song I have never heard. Train is a bunch of skinny white dudes. Well the singer is a skinny white dude. The two guitarists are Howie Mandell and Billy Ray Cyrus…who knew?

Sidenote – Dinner for tonight is Kraft Mac n Cheese, but I don’t have milk. Gonna just skip that part. Some people say add extra butter and it is fine, but I don’t have any extra butter. I should go to the grocery mart.

8:05 – Intros…Chris Young is skinny. Vernon Wells is there. Corey Hart is the token white guy. Swisher looks not white tonight, but I am pretty sure he is. Also, interesting note, he leads the lead in fun per Chris Berman. Holliday was introduced while I was typing and Big Papi is there. Hanley Ramirez looks like he is there to win. I just made that up. Cabrera is there too. That’s our competitors.

8:06 – Yes! Joe Morgan is there. I put the over under for stupid comments from him at 24. Bobby V is there too, but he is not funny. Morgan picks Cabrera because he had the best introduction. Bobby V picks Jose Ortiz….not sure who Jose Ortiz is, but that’s Bobby V’s pick. Berman picks Vernon Wells because Toronto is close to Buffalo.

8:10 – Bo Jackson throws out the first pitch….high, ball 1. There was also some insurance salesman there. Probably for Bo’s hip.

8:12 – Erin Andrews is there. She looks OK.

8:15 – Someone told Bobby V that Ortiz’s first name is David. He is off to a rough start.

8:16 – Chris Young up first. They must be going lightest to heaviest.

8:18 – Kids in the outfield are just horrible. Can’t they get non retards?

8:20 – Young is hitting the State Farm gold ball. If he hits a homerun someone gets $3,000. I hope it is me. Then Young pops it up. He gets 1 HR, not going to win it.

8:22 – Vernon Wells time. Odds are -160 he gets hurt. First swing is a drive, it is caught by the same retarded tall kid that catches everything. He has like 7 catches already.

8:25 – Wells finishes with 2. Umm good job. I still don’t know what the gold ball means.

Sidenote: Mac N Cheese turned out poorly. Milk must be a key ingredient. I should not disclude* it from the preparations anymore.

8:30 – Corey Hart is up and looking to take the lead….3Hrs 1 out, he did not like being called a token white guy. He is tearing it up, up to 4 HRs now. Put him in the finals now.

8:33 – Bobby V, “wow just missed it” Umm yeah, it went out. That’s the second time Bobby V called it wrong off the bat. He was brought in the make Morgan sound smart.

8:36 – Gold ball time…nobody has hit one out. Now the State Farm donation is $45k. Hart crushed it. State Farm owes someone something. Hart finishes with 13; that alone might get him in the finals.

8:40 – Swisher is up; Arod is talking not sure why we want to hear him. We have been told no less than 10 times that Swisher is a fun guy.

8:44 – Arod won’t stop talking about Texiera. Shut up Arod.

8:45 – Swisher gets 4. Apparently that ain’t bad.

8:51 – Holliday is up….Morgan “he starts off pretty well” yeah it was a pop fly about 50 feet from the fence.

8:52 – Number of “holiday” jokes so far….2.

8:55 – Holliday finishes with 5. He hit a bunch with 9 outs. Good work. He hit 4 with 9 outs. Or if you are Bobby V he hit 5 with 9 outs. It is new math.

8:56 – Captain Keymaster (some commercial) looks like a young Forest Whitaker.

9:00 – “Jose” Ortiz is up. He has nice shoes on. Morgan wants a pair.

9:05 – Good lord these kids are horrible and judging fly balls.

9:06 – Ortiz is living down the line. Up to 6 HRs with 6 Outs.

9:06 – Bobby V just called the kids catching flies good little athletes. He is dumb. Goodness.

9:07 – Ortiz is taking a towel and Gatorade break.

9:07 – Morgan is still talking about the shoes.

9:08 – Ortiz finishes with 8. He didn’t hit another after his Gatorade break. Gatorade sucks, water is the better. So says the Waterboy.

9:10 – Will Ferrell is here now. Well not at my place. He is talking to the idiots now.

9:11 – Hanley Ramirez is up now. He is doing well. Will Ferrell and crew are not. Will Ferrell’s favorite movie of his is Anchorman.

9:14 – Ramirez takes a Gatorade break after Ortiz tells him to. Then he hits like shit for a couple outs. Water is the better. Will Ferrell is doing some Harey Carey because Berman begged him. Ramirez finishes with 9.

Sidenote: I think Hanley has some Invisiline braces on his bottom teeth.

9:17 – Will Ferrell asks about the gold ball and they explain it. Gold ball HRs are worth $17k to charity and the regulars are worth $3k.

9:22 – Cabrera is up. He needs 5 to tie, 6 to advance. I hope he gets 3.

9:26 – He is up to 4 already with 3 outs. He is hitting the ball tons.

9:30 – He finishes with 7, goodness that was boring. This running diary sucked. I hope nobody read it.


Monday, July 12, 2010

Life changing

This might bore some of you. Oh well.
Went with cmk to the vagina doc this weekend. We thought maybe she was about 9 weeks along, but doc says she's 11 weeks in and that we might hear the heartbeat. She tried for about 5 minutes and couldn't get it, and was about to put the thing away and then BOOM! there it was, clear as day. Coolest thing I've ever heard. Kind of sounded like a dog barking. And I mentioned this in the weekend comments, and I know LP won't see those, but the doc said nothing about no sex. You should maybe get a new doc, LP. But goddman, this is a cool experience. Get to do the ultrasound in 2 weeks. And due date is 1/30/11. I'll send a tem-like prize pack to the person who guesses closest to the date & time of it. (NS)
OK, that's enough of that talk. I won't bring that up again on a post for a while.

85's show on VH1 is HDH. Lots of hot bitches and cattiness. Good times for everyone. 85 is my new favorite ath-a-lete. But I probably wouldn't pick him for FFB this year, since he's spent the entire offseason dancing and doing a dating show.

Monsoon season is here now. Got some heavy rain tonight. That means empty river beds will be flooding and people will try to cross them with their cars and they'll get stuck and need to get rescued and then get a ticket and fined. People are fucking stupid.

Cmk watches some show on Bravo I think, about some NY bitch who's pregnant and getting married and the show is about her preparing for the wedding. I axed "So any random chick can get a reality show because she's getting married?" Cmk said it's not a random chick, it's some girl who was on one of the real housewives show, probably NY because she seems like she's a NY douche. But I digress. Anyway, how was she on the "real housewives" show if she is just now doing a show about getting married? Are you trying to tell me that reality shows are always real? Fuck, what's next? Are my parents really Santa Claus?

Softball team is kicking as. for some reason this season. We won last night 29-4. The last 3 games we've won by a total of 69-11. I don't know what's going on. I really think the other teams are just that bad. But who knows? Stranger things have happened. I mean, mize is getting some as. now. Female as. And he might be getting OT soon. Is this the end of the world as we know it? If it is, then I feel fine.

LP & wolf made a video

Friday, July 09, 2010


Did I ever tell you my Miami story? In short...fuck miami.

So Lebron is now the biggest villian in sports. He's created a new evil empire, and probaby ruined his "legacy". He'll never be better than Michael, or Magic, or Larry, or Russell. Those guys did it with "their" team. They didn't need other "superstars" to help them win a championship, and don't give me the "pippen was a superstar" bullshit..he wasn't.

In short Lebron took the cowardly way out..."i can't build my own team and win my own championship, so i'm going to go join these other guys". It's D-Wade's team, and Miami is an awful sports city.

I feel bad for Cleveland, I feel bad for NY (honestly I would rather he joined the knicks, even with EP's insufferablesssness*), I feel bad for kids who look up to Lebron.

At least it gives everyone a team to root against now. Rumor has it that it was announced in Miami and most people said "lebron who? is that the basketbally guy thing, I guess I need to turn up my hearing aid". My prediction is that one of those 3 guys, not lebron, will be traded within the next 4 years.

ok, that's enough

Thursday, July 08, 2010

LeBron Suipestakes*

I'm not going to mention LeBron.


I won't be watching the LeBron hour tonight since I have softball. Actually we will probably be rained out, but I still won't watch because I hate the Boys and Girls Club. Actually that's not true, I think the money going to them from the LeBron hour is cool...I just think that the whole LeBron announcement hour is a a bit much. I'll outline a couple of the possibilities here.

Chicago Bulls - The Jug Scenario

This was covered somewhat yesterday, but I'll rehash. LeBron is supposed to make is announcement within the first ten - 15* minutes of the show. Cleveland fans think that LeBron would never screw them over if he is making this big announcement during the LeBron hour on ESPN. They will be shocked to see the LeBron hour hosted by Art Modell...this can't be good. Art will do a little interview with LeBron, then bring out the special guest...Michael Jordan. Jordan will bring out a LeBron Bulls jersey along with John Paxson as the LeBron to the Bulls signing is announces to the world.

Cleveland fans will be stunned and unable to talk during the next few interviews with LeBron, and their sports world will be crushed as the last image they see will be Paxson, Modell, Jordan, and LeBron all smiling on stage while a video of the Jordan shot over Ehlo is played over and over in the background. "The inbounds pass comes into Jordan. Here's Michael at the foul line, a shot on Ehlo...GOOD! BULLS WIN IT!!!"

Caput Mundi Knicks - The Lp Scenario

The Knicks have been pathetically tanking their last three seasons for this moment. That is very impressive for such an important franchise to the NBA. Their fans must be proud! The good thing New York City has going for it, is everyone wants to live there (except for Bosh and Wade...also Ray Allen, Paul Pierce, Dirk, Jug, H, Keef, and a few others).

The LeBron hour opens up with LeBron on one side of the stage and the GMs competing for his services on the other. There is a single rose on a stand that LeBron will present to the GM of the team he will sign with. A 15 minute video starts outlining all of LeBron's dates with each GM and coach. There are some scenes with LeBron's mom, but those are censored for some reason.

After the commercial break sponsored by the MSG network, the rose ceremony begins and ends quickly with LeBron presenting his single rose to Donnie Walsh with D'Antoni and Stoudemire looking on with tears in his eyes. Somewhere in the woods...Lp celebrates!

That's it...I'm tired. Thursday is my Friday this week. I have a 4 day weekend and am heading to a beach house in Port Aransas, TX. The website said it was the Caput Mundi of the south...should be suite!

Wednesday, July 07, 2010

Lebron to play in China

I'm guessing he's staying with the cavs, but they're going to start playing home games in China.

Blue Schefter is predicting Bosh and Wade to sign with Miami, because there are hot women with fake tits on south beach.

Of course there are women like that everywhere (except Cleveland where apparently Lebron's mom is the hottest woman), but there's something about the Miamanese women, maybe it's because they're all mexican.

There's been a lot of talk around my head about women getting fake tits. I think for most women it's a nice enhancement. Of course I'll always prefer natural big tits, but if you're lacking in the cuppage, don't be scurred ladies. There is a drawback to the natural big tits, and that's the sagging with that point, they should get a lift, another enhancement yes, but absolutely wonderful.

This advise has been brought to you by Dr. Blue Schefter. He is available to give personalized advise if you send him pictures asking whether you should have some sort of augmentation, and this advise will be free of charge, a $199 value. Please send all pictures via email to

Back to sports for a second, the rockies had their greatest comeback of all time last night, and that's not hyperbole. They were down 6 runs heading into the bottom of the ninth and scored 9 runs in the 9th inning capped off by a walk off 3-run HR, to beat the Cardinals. Take that weazy.

Speaking of weasels, did EP say what he was doing for vacation?

Ok you can comment now.

Tuesday, July 06, 2010

Post 1,090

This is our 1,090th post. If it is a good post (it won't be) it would be our 5th good post. Nah, maybe we have like 50 good posts, we are probably batting .005, AKA just below the Mendoza line.

So I hit a bird today on my way to the gym. I am not sure what part of that sentence is most shocking. In any case I had never hit a bird before. They had always gotten out of the way. I always thought they knew what was up when a car was barrelling down on them and that they'd fly away at the last second. Then they'd go brag to the female birds and get laid. Not laid like an egg, laid like Blue wants to be by Katy Perry. Or laid like El Pad wants to be by at least 10 people he sees every day. In any case I forgot to check the grill of the car to see if the bird is jammed in there. I forgot at the gym and I forgot at work. Hopefully I will remember after work.

Also yeah, I am going to the gym again. I say again, but really I haven't gone regularly since about 2001. I am not sure what the statue of limitations is on saying you're doing something again is, but I guess it doesn't really run out. So yeah, I am going to the gym again. Well I went yesterday and I went today. I am woefully out of shape. I am hopefully to get not so round by the end of summer. I guess that is bad timing. You're supposed to do that before summer. Oh well, better late than never.

So I went to ND this weekend to visit cgtif's family. They were nice. There were a lot of them. She has 3 brothers and 1 sister and between those people they have like 8 little kids. Most of the little kids were afraid of me, so it was easy to deal with them. See kid, watch kid run away, I can handle that. The ones that weren't afraid were cool. I played baseball with 2 of them. One of them told me I have small ears. I do, he is right. I'll have to look that up on the google machine and see what that means. Anyway, not only did cgtif and tem not get to sleep in the same bed, or the same room, we didn't even get to sleep in the same house. Cgtif got banished to the neighbor's place. I got to stay in the guest room, which had two single beds. I love sleeping on a single bed, it's like you are on a cliff and if you roll at all you'll fall off. So great. Well it was better than a couch, so I am not going to bitch about it.

ND is very flat. You can see a long ways. Oh and on the way there I had my best flight ever. One, I got to sit next to a smoking hot chick (cgtif was already in ND so I was flying solo), two, the smoking hot chick was friendly and talked to me and three they gave me a full can of pop. Also we did not crash or anything so that was good too. Anyway, aside from joining the mile high club (highly unlikely these days, thanks Bin Laden (joke stolen from The Hangover)) it will be very hard to beat that flight.

It was weird, when hot chick struck up a conversation with me I immediately assumed she was a spy for cgtif. Maybe she was. She was from ND and since there are about 46 people from that state I assume they all know each other.

Sports? I don't want to talk about sports. Nothing is going on in the world of sports. There is no important soccer being played (because no soccer is important), free agents for basketball don't matter because there will be a lockout after this season and all the really good ones are staying put, football is not in season and baseball is cruising into the all star break. By the by, I got snubbed for the all star team.....again.

Oh JaMarcus Russel got arrested for codeine possession....seriously that's a crime? He must have pissed off the local cops. Dumb ass.

When I was flying I noticed that Target stores have their Target Logo on their rooftops. This plan will backfire if anyone ever starts bombing us.

Oh and props to Keith for setting a good over under for last post. I figure someone rigged it at the end though. Didn't look. Too lazy.

OK done.

Monday, July 05, 2010

This means nothing

There are maybe 29 people in the country working today. I'm one of them. Woe. O/U on # of comments today is 59.

LeBron's gonna be a Bull

MLB All-Star teams are announced and once again there's controversy with the picks. I've been complaining about Votto getting snubbed but he'll end up filling in for an injured player, which is basically what happens every year. Players get overlooked for other players every year because every team needs a representative (dumber rule than "winner of AS game gets home field advantage"), but for the most part most of them end up on the team because players are injured or end up not being available to play in the game. So it's always pretty much much ado about nothing. But it's human nature to bitch about things, so there's that. Oh, and the AL will keep the NL winless streak going this year.

Kobayashi is starved for attention, apparently.

Terrible NY parenting


LP loves him some fireworks

RIP Dontrelle's career. If you can't pitch for the DBags, you can't pitch for anyone.

Since noone will be here to read this, that's all I'm gonna write.

Friday, July 02, 2010

It's been awhile.

Let's do this.

Bill Bradley. Walt Frazier. Patrick Ewing. Jerry Lucas. Earl "The Pearl" Monroe. Willis Reed. Bernard King. Lebron James.

Monday will be a great day to be a Knick fan. Monday, a franchise will change. The Knicks will be back. They'll get the Sunday afternoon games, they'll get a Christmas game and they'll get the "TNT Game of the Week" games. It will be like the late 90's again. I can't wait. It sort of feels good to love basketball again. It's been awhile.

You know when one of your favorite teams happens to be one of the league's most important franchises you get super sensitive about the ongoings of the team. The years the Knicks spent in ruins basically destroyed all of the Knick fans. There was no hope. It was stupidity after stupidity. It felt like it would never end. I know the last straw for me was the Jerome James signing. Isiah Thomas orchestrated many horriffic deals during his tenure and management did nothing to prevent it. He also sexually harrassed woman. Zeke was always known as a hell of a basketball player and a great scout but a horrible person and a bad general manager. He left a huge shitstain on the franchise. I mean I feel like it was just yesterday I was watching Malik Rose rebound a basketball while wearing a Knick jersey. These are nightmares.

Once Donnie Walsh got here all he did, all he focused on was clearing cap space for this year. For this moment. Not only for Lebron but to pull this franchise from the dead and resucitate the fan base. It was essential that going into this off-season the Knicks were in the hunt for a very talented free agent class. And here we are. We have a beloved NBA coach (beloved by players for the most part, I for one would wish he would focus on defense more, another day) and MSG. Our one and true asset. Don't underestimate the fact that when it comes to basketball arenas Madison Square Garden is head and shoulders above every other venue. Jordan said it. Lebron said it. Wade says it. Shaq. I could go on. What a place to call home.

Welcome home Lebron. We've been waiting.

Thursday, July 01, 2010

Ankle Dragons

I almost didn't get to this phone has been ringing off the hook since midnight. Blue started out his post by saying he is not going to talk about NBA free agency, but he did anyways. I am going to talk about NBA free agency.

Jug's prediction: LeBron, Wade, and Bosh are going to join forces and start their own NBA franchise. I believe we have mentioned this before. This team will be in Temhio. LeBron and Wade have enough extra money from driving up the price of their MSG stock and then selling high to invest in this new team. The Temhio Ankle Dragons will dominate the NBA for years to come. Other NBA players will want to come here because rumor has it they have a connection for some suite apartments.

The Ankle Dragons will also hire an unknown UPS worker from Wisconsin to run the shipping department handling the millions of orders for new Ankle Dragon jerseys and other merchandise. This lucky UPS worker won a Woessay contest which outlined why he deserved to be hired for this position. Sadly, no overtime will be available for this position.

*NOTE: The Ankle Dragons are still looking for a team logo...the person who submits the winning logo gets 2 free courtside season tickets in the new AXE Arena, and a team bed skirt with the new team logo.

AXE Arena will have a suite bronze statue of Patrick Chewing getting dunked on, just because its funny.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino