Friday, May 21, 2010

Sex crimes are the best crimes

Could you imagine if professional wrestling and baseball got married. Like as a sport. Hulk Hogan as the manager, putting everyone on a strict vitamin and prayer program. Everytime Macho Man Randy Savage does something good he lets out a OH YEEEEAHHH. The Ultimate Warrior tracking down a ball in centerfield than shaking the outfield fence like a gorilla. The Undertaker as the closer. How fucking terrifying would that be. Right before he throws strike three he does the cut throat gesture. Holy shit who wouldn't buy this concept as a video game. It's like Blitz for football awhile back but with baseball. And with WWE. Something Vince McMahon can make money on as well as MLB. I'm a fucking genius. You can have like Ric Flair as the announcer because WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO never fucking gets old. John Cena swipes a bag then does the "you can't see me" face palm to the catcher. Suite brawls would ensue, the bullpens would empty. Imagine seeing the Legion of Doom running in from the bullpen. And the other bullpen emptying with The Rockers or The Hart Foundation. Arguing with the ump can end in you being ejected but the ump being put in the cross face chicken before you go. Or the sharpshooter. A take out slide on the SS on a double play would instead be a Stone Cold Stunner. This is an awesome idea. The more I type it out the better it sounds. I hate people that brush they teeth at work. You ain't better than me bitch. I brush at night. I miss Bo Jackson. This WWE baseball game has to happen. EEEEE. PPPPP. SPORTS. It's IN MY MIND. The A-Team looks ok. Don't you hate it when you take a shower then you have to take a shit? That's why I need a bade' (SP?). You know the giant sized sink in the bathroom where rich bitches douche their twat? I'm gonna stop here.

678 comments:

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jugdish said...

Suite brawls would ensue, the bullpens would empty.

my brothers and I, over several pitchers of beer, tried to analyze which teams in baseball would be the best at bench clearing brawls. we set up a playoff like system where we took the best from each division plus a wild card. This was about 4 years ago, but from what I remember any team with Kyle Farnsworth in the bullpen had a good advantage.

jugdish said...

i wonder if the bears would sign me to a one day contract when it is time for me to retire. that would be suite. i want to retire as a bear.

tem said...

the bears will not, but the rams will sign you

jugdish said...

i dont want to retire as a ram

tem said...

someone handed me a donut and tolt me it was custard filled.

it had no custard.


i am not sure anything is as disapppointing as eating what you expect to be a custard filled donut only to find no custard.

tem said...

"i dont want to retire as a ram"

they don't want you to retire

jugdish said...

i prefer no custard

tem said...

to each their own.


reverse it then.


someone tolt you there was no custard, but then when you ate it their was custard.

jugdish said...

they don't want you to retire


not now, but say in 20 years or so. if i sent a letter to the bears and asked them to sign me to a no money contract...they might do it. they might not though

jugdish said...

someone tolt you there was no custard, but then when you ate it their was custard.



i would not be happy. i stick to donuts with holes in the middle

tem said...

that's a good strategy if you don't like custard

tem said...

in 20 years the bears will be part of the new UFC/NFL combination.

Georges St. Pierre will be their coach and their best defensive lineman will be a ju jitsu specialist.

he'll lead the league in sacks, forced fumbles and submissions.

tem said...

he'd tackle people and then put them in a triangle choke.

jugdish said...

sweep the leg!

jugdish said...

my motivation at work today is very low.

tem said...

we closed a big deal yesterday so i too have no motivation today.

i am spent.

jugdish said...

i let my brother borrow my ipod the other day. i need to get it back. running without it sucks, plus im going on a road trip tomorrow

tem said...

running sucks with it

tem said...

running pretty much always sucks

jugdish said...

true, but its more tolerable

tem said...

even if you were running because if you ran 1 mile you got to fuck megan fox the running would suck.

you'd still do it, but the running would suck.

jugdish said...

because of the club thumb?

tem said...

no because running sucks

jugdish said...

i only run 40 yards a day though. im in pretty good shape

tem said...

that doesn't stop running from sucking.

tem said...

i like el pads game idea. would be a cool video game.

tem said...

they had a baseball game like that with robots.

you were only out of you lost the fight at the bag.

tem said...

or maybe close plays were fights.

tem said...

it was a cool game.

tem said...

no baseball stars. that game was good.

so was some other baseball game.

tem said...

not rbi baseball. although fat dude hitting a homer was always a good time.

hockey was nice too.

1 skinny guy, 2 mediums and 2 fatties.

tem said...

bases loaded i think was the good baseball game

tem said...

had like biorythms and shit

tem said...

i have no clue how to spell biorythym

tem said...

obviously

jugdish said...

lebron is dumb if he goes to the knicks. they will surround him with a pile of suck for years and he won't win a title. All the advertising and marketing dollars...he'll get that wherever he goes. The best options for him are to stay put or Chicago.

tem said...

i'm in a 9am meeting.

the other people from my office who are supposed to be in it aren't here.

tem said...

i should have tolt them EST

tem said...

they probably think the meeting is 9am CST or worse PST

tem said...

my bad

tem said...

"The best options for him are to stay put or Chicago."

or the nets.

jugdish said...

PST is the worse*

jugdish said...

PST is a myth to people in EST or CST.

tem said...

i think i would like living out there though.

early am football.

tem said...

hsilok

tem said...

sun

tem said...

no games that end at 2am.

jugdish said...

i could get used to that too.

jugdish said...

hsilok


she won't pay you rent


we have plenty of sun and heat in tx

west coast games still end a little late here though

tem said...

indeed.

ok my 9am is here.

i guess i am running the show.

jugdish said...

i guess i am running the show.


tem: that settles it. the janitor's new name is "Sweepy".

jugdish said...

wall

El Padrino said...

"it had no custard."

fucking annhilate them

El Padrino said...

i'm getting destroyed at work this week and the onsluaght has gotten worse today

jugdish said...

bossman is not here today...good times

El Padrino said...

the yankees are gonna destroy the mets

El Padrino said...

Bidet, blessed be, not Bade'

jugdish said...

I don't know Lloyd, the French are assholes.

jugdish said...

off the bade* link

JFreak said...

One game changes everything.

El Padrino said...

"In other cultures and contexts, materials such as rags, sand, leaves (including seaweed), corn cobs, sponges or sticks are used."


MAAAA, these corn smells funny!!

Todd Packer said...

"the yankees are gonna destroy the mets"

yes

Todd Packer said...

nice work from jug, meiz and h last night... sounds like they have the lov picnic all planned out

kod said...

"wasn't there just a kod vacation a few weeks ago"

-last few days of Feb and first two days of March were the last one.

kod said...

no baseball stars. that game was good.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

still my all time baseball video game (ns). Although I have a feeling if I played it now I wouldn't love it so much

kod said...

*all time favorite

Todd Packer said...

"-last few days of Feb and first two days of March were the last one"

fair enough... time flies

kod said...

"time flies"


absolutely! I can't believe I've been doing this job now for over 3 and a half years

jugdish said...

i just took a nap at my desk

Todd Packer said...

"i just took a nap at my desk"

why not under your desk.... george-style

Todd Packer said...

working from home today is the better

Todd Packer said...

from Lovad:

"keef and rev dropped the ball"

i'm going to NY in august.... gonna hit up ep for a beer this trip. i might even give him a 12er for h

jugdish said...

why not under your desk.... george-style



it wasn't planned, I just kind of dozed off

El Padrino said...

"i'm going to NY in august.... gonna hit up ep for a beer this trip. i might even give him a 12er for h"

suite

jugdish said...

"i'm going to NY in august.... gonna hit up ep for a beer this trip. i might even give him a 12er for h"

suite

/h


fixed

Todd Packer said...

ep, i have one brother that lives in mid-town and another one on the upper east side... not sure where i'll be staying, but one of my brothers is working at Foley's NY. i figure that would be a good place to meet up for a beer

jugdish said...

do they have booster seats?

/Lp


s

Keef said...

"when is keef going to OH?"

Sept 18-23

El Padrino said...

"ep, i have one brother that lives in mid-town and another one on the upper east side... not sure where i'll be staying, but one of my brothers is working at Foley's NY. i figure that would be a good place to meet up for a beer"

Foley's across the street from the Epire State Building?

El Padrino said...

yeah we'll take in a met game at Foley's, great Irish Breakfast there, been there twice

Keef said...

Matt Foley's. It's down by the river

El Padrino said...

In a van?

Go Cubs Go said...

"You ain't better than me bitch. I brush at night."



This is nasty.

El Padrino said...

what's nasty

Todd Packer said...

"Foley's across the street from the Epire State Building?"

yes

Go Cubs Go said...

"i prefer no custard"


This is insanity. Plain long johns are terrible.

Go Cubs Go said...

"what's nasty"


Not brushing your teeth in the morning

Todd Packer said...

"Plain long johns are terrible"

::thermal underwear::

kod said...

Plain long johns are terrible.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^



huuuuuuge letdown to discover a custardless long john (twss)

Go Cubs Go said...

"no baseball stars. that game was good.

so was some other baseball game."


My 2 favorite baseball games were Baseball Simulator 1.000 and Major League Baseball

El Padrino said...

"Not brushing your teeth in the morning"

who said i didnt brush in the morning?

El Padrino said...

morning and night cub blue

El Padrino said...

freak your boys were blood doping
get over it

Go Cubs Go said...

"who said i didnt brush in the morning?"

You did

jugdish said...

This is insanity. Plain long johns are terrible.


i don't get long johns, i get donuts

Go Cubs Go said...

"i don't get long johns, i get donuts"

I'm sorry.

El Padrino said...

"who said i didnt brush in the morning?"

You did"

stop it

El Padrino said...

freak no rush on the fantasy trade me and meiz made

s

jugdish said...

I'm sorry.


we don't have a lot of bakerys down here, but we have a lot of donut shops and I don't recall seeing many long johns. some do. kolaches and breakfast tacos are popular here

kod said...

"A Texas man with no military experience tricked the Army into letting him enter a reserve unit as a noncommissioned officer earlier this year, a deception that placed an untrained soldier in a leadership position in a time of war, an Associated Press investigation has found."

-good work Jug (s)

jugdish said...

-good work Jug (s)



shhhh

BLUE said...

can't believe EP didn't comment about the financial regulations bill that was passed last night

BLUE said...

one of the first lines of the new bill is that financial institution have to file their taxes every year

jugdish said...

i don't want to deal with that shit

/Lp

kod said...

"i don't want to deal with that shit

/Lp"

-he already got screwed once filing taxes for income generated back when he used to deal grass.

kod said...

"Local environmental officials throughout the Gulf Coast are feverishly collecting water, sediment and marine animal tissue samples that will be used in the coming months to help track pollution levels resulting from the Deepwater Horizon oil spill.

Hundreds of millions of dollars are at stake, since those readings will be used by the federal government and courts to establish liability claims against BP. But the laboratory that officials have chosen to process virtually all of the samples is part of an oil and gas services company in Texas that counts BP among its biggest clients."

-why? I mean, of all the choices, why do we allow one with such close ties to BP. I'm not saying that this proves things will not be done on the level....but why even allow such a strong inference of impropriety and invite the possibility of corruption?

BLUE said...

because that's the way GW would want it.

El Padrino said...

"can't believe EP didn't comment about the financial regulations bill that was passed last night"

i've railed against some of it
have no energy for it today

El Padrino said...

just had a five guys burger and a mr softee shake

cant move

jugdish said...

moderation

El Padrino said...

right
havent had that in a hot minute

JFreak said...

"freak your boys were blood doping
get over it"

Hu?

JFreak said...

"freak no rush on the fantasy trade me and meiz made"

You made a trade?

BLUE said...

what did jug think of the amazing ubaldo in person

Go Cubs Go said...

Weeks for Phillips

JFreak said...

Did you want me to veto it or something?

Go Cubs Go said...

I'm in no rush.


NS


I don't know what he's asking about.

also NS

Go Cubs Go said...

Oh wait. I know why he's asking. LP doesn't like to play by the rules just like his big banking cohorts. See also: paying taxes

El Padrino said...

very funny dickweed

i want brandon phillips in my lineup, approve the trade

El Padrino said...

hu?

Landis, Floyd

Armstrong, Lance

El Padrino said...

cycling

gay

JFreak said...

Landis isn't my boy.

And Armstrong is clean.

Boom and boom.

kod said...

"Oh wait. I know why he's asking. LP doesn't like to play by the rules just like his big banking cohorts."


-well, big bank stocks have been soaring...so I'm sure it's not all that bad

El Padrino said...

BOOM, deal with it

El Padrino said...

"And Armstrong is clean."

sure and Bonds too right?

El Padrino said...

"-well, big bank stocks have been soaring...so I'm sure it's not all that bad"

that's because the lincoln ammendment is not part of the bill

yet.....

JFreak said...

Bonds has a failed drug test on record.

Find me one for Lance.

And don't give me any hearsay crap. I want something with the credibility of a piece of grand jury evidence. L'equipe isn't gonna cut it.

El Padrino said...

lance hasnt failed because he has a way to beat the tests

how many more people have to say he did it for you to start to believe he has done it?

Go Cubs Go said...

"very funny dickweed"

Thank you. I aim to please.

JFreak said...

So I'm just supposed to believe something because a lot of people say it?

A lot of people say you like the cock. Am I supposed to trust that is true?

BLUE said...

if lance took ped's then he's a genius at hiding it.

most tested athelete ever, and not one failed test? You gotta think he'd slip up once.

BLUE said...

"A lot of people say you like the cock. Am I supposed to trust that is true?"

i believe this to be true

JFreak said...

The only reasons I would believe Lance is doping is a) he actually fails a test or b) he says he did.

Until that point comes (if it ever does) I have no reason to think he isn't clean.

kod said...

"something with the credibility of a piece of grand jury evidence"

huh? What's a "piece of grand jury evidence?" (ns)

-If you're talking about a grand jury indictment...well, as the old saying/cliche goes, you can get a grand jury to indict a ham sandwich

BLUE said...

i don't believe one word floyd landis has to say...he's no jose canseco

JFreak said...

If I'm not mistaken, one of the pieces of evidence in the case was a document showing a failed test for Bonds.

I could care less about the indictment itself.

Go Cubs Go said...

BOOM, deal with it

El Padrino said...

"most tested athelete ever, and not one failed test? You gotta think he'd slip up once."

blood doping very hard to prove

landis was a ratard

kod said...

If I'm not mistaken, one of the pieces of evidence in the case was a document showing a failed test for Bonds.

-I wonder what the document was. Grand juries get evidence not otherwise admissible in Court (hearsay, etc.). The document might be very credible (like an actual failed test result) or pretty flimsy (affidavits of people who claim to have knowledge they've heard he failed)

El Padrino said...

"A lot of people say you like the cock. Am I supposed to trust that is true?"

i never failed a cock test

El Padrino said...

what ever happened to bonds lying to gran jury charges?

shouldnt that fathead be in jail?

JFreak said...

"i never failed a cock test"

But everyone says you did.

So I have to believe them.

Because they said it.

BLUE said...

they gotta proof it

BLUE said...

have you ever taken a cock test?

Go Cubs Go said...

I think blood doping should be legal and encouraged.

JFreak said...

"-I wonder what the document was. Grand juries get evidence not otherwise admissible in Court (hearsay, etc.). The document might be very credible (like an actual failed test result) or pretty flimsy (affidavits of people who claim to have knowledge they've heard he failed)"

"The test report, marked "Barry B," showed positive results for two anabolic steroids, the government said."

BLUE said...

keith should get all 60

kod said...

"The test report, marked "Barry B," showed positive results for two anabolic steroids, the government said."


yep, that's pretty dang conclusive (assuming they are not lying, which I doubt they would).

El Padrino said...

brooklyn kid scores only other one on one interview with nyets boss

Go Cubs Go said...

"keith should get all 60"

27/60

JFreak said...

31/60

Go Cubs Go said...

Shoulda had 30. Choked on a few.

JFreak said...

23/36

corporate logos.

JFreak said...

37/42

Car logos.

Go Cubs Go said...

"23/36

corporate logos."


I don't even want to talk about this one. Totally dropped the ball. I'm ashamed of myself.

Keef said...

"lance hasnt failed because he has a way to beat the tests"

So he has a way but no other athletes do?
Stop it

JFreak said...

There was a bidet in my hotel room.

I did not use it.

Keef said...

"I could care less about the indictment itself."


So you care about it. Got it

BLUE said...

23/36

JFreak said...

Damnit.

Rookie mistake.

El Padrino said...

32/36 corp logos

you know you are a guido if you enter trans am for the eagle shield one

JFreak said...

Has everyone played pac-man on google today?

El Padrino said...

"So he has a way but no other athletes do?

Stop it"

smoke, fire

Keef said...

"keith should get all 60"

24/60

El Padrino said...

"Has everyone played pac-man on google today?"

yes, the noise is nauseating though
google has some awful sound editors

Keef said...

"smoke, fire"


stupid

jugdish said...

what did jug think of the amazing ubaldo in person


he was good, astros never threatened. with that astros line up i could probably spread 6 hits over 5 innings and give up 2 runs

jugdish said...

have you ever taken a cock test?


he took a dong quiz. he studied his ass off

H said...

Too bad Rev is dead, otherwise I'd offer him a Red Sox/Phillies bet...

jugdish said...

AJA, i hope Armstrong never took anything, but if i had to put -160 on it I'd say he did for no other reason other than that it seems most other elite athletes in other sports are getting caught. ill believe him until its proven otherwise though

jugdish said...

yob opening for mize

Keef said...

20/36

jugdish said...

MPS has demanded the driver not have any contact with kids.



damn, there is already an MPS. too bad mize

El Padrino said...

"smoke, fire"


stupid"

so let me get this straight, before bonds tested positive you guys thought he was clean?

it's a little naive to think lance armstrong is totally clean

El Padrino said...

and it's not ped's it's blood transfusions and red blood cell injections all kinds of crazy ass shit

El Padrino said...

i'm jus sayin

El Padrino said...

what came first the chicken or the egg

when in rome

ya smell me

jugdish said...

it's a little naive to think lance armstrong is totally clean


he brushes before bed

Keef said...

28/42

JFreak said...

"so let me get this straight, before bonds tested positive you guys thought he was clean?"

Nope.

Remember, baseball didn't have testing. Cyclists are probably the most tested athletes.

El Padrino said...

dude holy crap

kod said...

"Too bad Rev is dead, otherwise I'd offer him a Red Sox/Phillies bet..."


-good thing blogger was fukt when you asked me if I wanted to bet on Sox/Twins

El Padrino said...

more testing

the better you get at beating the test

Keef said...

"so let me get this straight, before bonds tested positive you guys thought he was clean?

it's a little naive to think lance armstrong is totally clean"


You're saying that he for sure is dirty when there's zero evidence. At least with Bonds, before we saw there was a positive test, we saw his head was twice the size it used to be

jugdish said...

dude holy crap


O:FB

Keef said...

"more testing

the better you get at beating the test"


That's a terrible theory. You're no scientist

jugdish said...

"more testing

the better you get at beating the test"


that was a bit of a stretch

Keef said...

I'm gonna start playing flag football in July. LP, I'll send you an email so you can send me some defensive plays

Go Cubs Go said...

"damn, there is already an MPS. too bad mize"


We've already been over this

jugdish said...

We've already been over this


apparently the brain cells that held that vital information in my head were killed

kod said...

"The would-be celebration over Megan Fox's alleged firing is a pretty clear case of 'the bitch got what was coming to her.' It is beyond strange to read various women basically celebrating the rumor that a young female was fired from her job for criticizing her allegedly misogynist boss. It would be easy to classify the mainstream hatred of Megan Fox as a classic virgin/whore dynamic, and it wouldn't be incorrect. Many audiences, especially stereotypical female moviegoers, prefer their leading ladies to be sexually harmless, not terribly opinionated, and completely nonthreatening in that 'girl next door' kind of way. Jennifer Aniston may look fantastic when done up for a magazine shoot, but women are safe in the knowledge that without the fancy Hollywood makeup, she pretty much looks like the rest of us, and won't be a sexual threat to their boyfriends or husbands. Angelina Jolie, on the other hand, represents a genuine threat."

-a lot of truth in this paragraph.

BLUE said...

this is addicting


took me awhile but finally got all 100

BLUE said...

"You're saying that he for sure is dirty when there's zero evidence. At least with Bonds, before we saw there was a positive test, we saw his head was twice the size it used to be"

i have seven pieces of evidence

jugdish said...

is one of them an old miller lite can with needles in it?

El Padrino said...

"I'm gonna start playing flag football in July. LP, I'll send you an email so you can send me some defensive plays"

flag football is gay
find a rough touch league

(not calling you gay, jus sayin you'll enjoy the other league much more)

BLUE said...

"is one of them an old miller lite can with needles in it?"

ok 8

BLUE said...

my evidence

JFreak said...

"took me awhile but finally got all 100"

You do it with a numpad or not?

BLUE said...

noone (teej) can ride a bike that far without using some sort of blood doping or enhancements

BLUE said...

"You do it with a numpad or not?"

I had to use both a numpad and the numbers at the top together.

stupid thing was too slow for me sometimes though

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino