Friday, May 14, 2010

MSG Announcer : NUMBER 23 (33333echo) LEBROoooonn JAMESSSSS!!!!

Wonder what Montell Jordan is doing right now. Cleaning people are hilarity. They just toss all your shit all over the desk. Thanks Esmeralda. Thanks for dusting my desk up. So the Lebron sweepstakes is on. You think Ohioians hate NY now. Wait until he comes to the mecca. How many bagels can you eat? I can eat three. In one sitting of course. I think Rev can eat 10. Because I lost a bet to him a long time ago and had to send him a dozen bagels. And I remember he was working as a traffic DJ or like a Frasier on the radio and he mentioned he got them and ate them but gave 3 away. (Cue Keef, LP math dozen = 12). Easy as. it was a bakers dozen. Aitch must be miffed right now. Yeah Aitch people actually paid bets around here until you showed up. You know that saying, best thing since sliced bread? Makes no sense to me. First of all sliced bread is awful, assuming we are talking about white bread in the bag like Wonder. Shit is terrible and all the incarnations of it are awful too. Wheat, honey wheat, fiber this and that. Terrible. When cmep buys it I may eat two or three slices from it and it's toasted to death and haveily buttered. So I dont see why sliced bread would be so awesome it would get it's own saying. What did they do back in BC times anyway? Rip the bread apart? How do we know they never sliced it. Tiger, karma is on the phone. Simmons is so giddy I cannot wait until the Magic destroy Boston. They are the only team in the East who can defend all 5 positions. David Stern and the officials will make sure the Lakers win because a Pheonix/Orlando series is not appetizing to the pockets. Cougars, old people and douchers. Great crowds at lease*. Yost told the Royals before they took the field last night to make the Indians remember the night they played the Titans. It worked. Genius.

345 comments:

1 – 200 of 345   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

"(Cue Keef, LP math dozen = 12). Easy as. it was a bakers dozen."

This got a chuckle out of me.

El Padrino said...

good, i aim to please

Beth said...

For once you semi-accomplished it.

s

El Padrino said...

YAY friday!

BLUE said...

i don't understand a baker's dozen...do bakers not know how to count?

El Padrino said...

bakers dozen = 13

ya buy a dozen and he throws in one for free

liek a tradition

El Padrino said...

me and cmep gonna apply for the newlywed show too

fucking annihilate youz

Beth said...

"i don't understand a baker's dozen...do bakers not know how to count?"

EP, I think blue's comment was S.

BLUE said...

newlywedz, you guys have been married for over 3 years

Beth said...

Just received an email from a (female) friend of mine that said this and I just KNOW you are all interested so thought I'd share:

"Whatever you give a woman, she will make greater. If you give her sperm, she'll give you a baby. If you give her a house, she'll give you a home. If you give her groceries, she'll give you a meal. If you give her a smile, she'll give you her heart. She multiplies and enlarges what is given to her.

So, if you give her any crap, be ready to receive a ton of shit."

El Padrino said...

if i give her cock what does she give back?

El Padrino said...

this shirt makes my muscles pop

i like

El Padrino said...

"newlywedz, you guys have been married for over 3 years"

is that the rule?

what if i'm married for 50 years, would the newlywed phase be longer?

El Padrino said...

stark contrast from last year to this year as afar as lebron's demeanor after getting eliminated

didnt last year he stormed off the court like a baby?

this year he hugged everyone

El Padrino said...

sign?

Steve said...

LBJ is gonna head to Chicago because they have better pizza.

It's true. It's true. said...

"You know that saying, best thing since sliced bread? Makes no sense to me. First of all sliced bread is awful, assuming we are talking about white bread in the bag like Wonder."

they aren't.

It's true. It's true. said...

"What did they do back in BC times anyway? Rip the bread apart? How do we know they never sliced it. "

they did until they invented sliced bread.

sliced bread isn't really a new invention.

It's true. It's true. said...

"i don't understand a baker's dozen...do bakers not know how to count?"

back in the day if a baker sold a dozen rolls and there was only 11 in there they got killed or their hand cut off.

this caused bakers to always throw in an extra one just to be safe.

It's true. It's true. said...

if bron goes to the knicks i will have to start parking vans all around new york.

El Padrino said...

dont hate

It's true. It's true. said...

it is hard not to hate NY and all things NY.

It's true. It's true. said...

alexis texas hates NY.

El Padrino said...

envy

Todd Packer said...

"it is hard not to hate NY and all things NY."

same can be said about ohio

Todd Packer said...

tps keeping me out of the LoV loop... been working 12 hour days lately

Beth said...

"this caused bakers to always throw in an extra one just to be safe."

I was convinced you made this whole story up but then the bible confirmed it. Imagine that.

El Padrino said...

that has to be against the law for senior citizens

Beth said...

"same can be said about ohio"

What about temhio? Do you hate all things temhio too?

El Padrino said...

i believe everything tem says at face value

El Padrino said...

temhio is awesome

Todd Packer said...

tough loss for the mess yesterday, ep... they need another 9-1 streak

El Padrino said...

The 16-year-old hooker who allegedly banged Lawrence Taylor reportedly told a friend that she got paid $300 and didn’t even have sex with the football player, a claim that supports his masturbatory defense.

El Padrino said...

wonder if LT ever heard of spankwire.com or youporn.com

El Padrino said...

"tough loss for the mess yesterday, ep... they need another 9-1 streak"

they lose every late ininng tie game on the road

It's true. It's true. said...

"I was convinced you made this whole story up but then the bible confirmed it. Imagine that.
"

i know things

It's true. It's true. said...

"same can be said about ohio"

true.

hating things is easy.

Todd Packer said...

"i know things"

tem = smat

El Padrino said...

Meiz, something about fishing and wisconsin and fish

El Padrino said...

Strasburg hype machine really rolling good now

It's true. It's true. said...

strasburg is a name a scientist should use.

It's true. It's true. said...

or a pianist.



penis? /lp

El Padrino said...

penist?

El Padrino said...

that's how its pronounced

jus sayin

El Padrino said...

deadwood

El Padrino said...

Man Choked To Death By Clerk For Stealing Crayons...

El Padrino said...

David Blaine

PAC-10 poon said...

you guys are the best

kod said...

"story?"

"Guess we're not getting a story"

-on weekdays, it is unlikely I will be on LOV after 10:00 PM CST

-but anyway. Cmkod's boss decided to submit the battered women's shelter where cmkod works to Extreme Home Makeover. Cmkod some friends who know there way around a camera, and so they produced an awesome audition tape.
-The producers actually contacted cmkod's boss about the tape (which from what I've read rarely happens). They expressed a lot of interest, but were thinking a joint episode with the shelter getting a remake...and a shelter advocate's house getting a remake.
-Due to a variety of reasons, the people decided to have cmkod apply for the individual household piece. I guess they were told it would bypass the original review and go to a batch of potential finalists.
*Got my hopes up, never heard back.

El Padrino said...

MOVE THAT BUS!

El Padrino said...

that blaine piece is nuts

i give youz guys gems

Keef said...

"me and cmep gonna apply for the newlywed show too

fucking annihilate youz"


Wow. I don't even know what to say anymore

Keef said...

"what if i'm married for 50 years, would the newlywed phase be longer?"

hilarity

El Padrino said...

"BLAINE: The mother was in with the kid. Norma asks her if I can come in. She says, “Yeah, but he’s not going to want to see him. But sure. Bring him in.” The entire top of the kid’s head was burned and half of his face. But the half facing the door was untouched, and he was a really good-looking kid. I walk into the room, and I could tell he was just not having it. He doesn’t want to see me, and he’s not into it. I just grab his hand and start doing magic. I don’t act like he’s burned—I mean, physically I grab him and put a card in his hand. Because of the way I was treating him, he suddenly opened up a little bit and went from being stiff-faced to laughing, really following the magic. Nobody had touched his head because it was burned, but before I left I took my hat off and put it on his head. As I was walking out of the room, I could feel his mother crying. I was fighting back every bit of emotion I could. When I came back the next day, his mother came running up to me and said that as soon as I left, her son let the nurse get him dressed, and he went and joined the others in rehab. She said that little bit of magic opened him up, and he started doing what he needed to. When I went back the next year and took him out to dinner, he was so much better. They had done reconstructive surgery on his face, and he looked great."

AWESOME

Keef said...

david blaine is a toolbag

El Padrino said...

ok if toolbag means totally fucking cool

BLUE said...

hey may be a toolbag, but that's a pretty awesome story

very rarely hear about the good shit peeps do these days...it's a refreshing story

Spaceman Spiff said...

for anyone who missed it yesterday

cnt stop laughing

kod said...

"it's a refreshing story"


^^^^^^^^^^^^^

-I'm not a big fan, but that is very cool

Keef said...

"ok if toolbag means totally fucking cool"

You wouldn't say that if he wasn't from Brooklyn

El Padrino said...

"You wouldn't say that if he wasn't from Brooklyn"

anybody who sleeps in coffins and swins with sharks is ok with me

El Padrino said...

titty bongos

Meiz said...

"ya buy a dozen and he throws in one for free

liek a tradition"


It's in case one of them is fucked up

Keef said...

"It's in case one of them is fucked up"


Not in CM. It's different there

Keef said...

"MSG Announcer : NUMBER 23 (33333echo) LEBROoooonn JAMESSSSS!!!!"

LeBron isn't #23 anymore

Spaceman Spiff said...

nerd rage

fake

/zeke

Steve said...

LBJ to Chicago

Meiz said...

"back in the day if a baker sold a dozen rolls and there was only 11 in there they got killed or their hand cut off.

this caused bakers to always throw in an extra one just to be safe."


Or this^^

I trust Tem

El Padrino said...

I trust Tem

you mean wikipedia

Spaceman Spiff said...

both right

BLUE said...

"nerd rage"

hilarity


we did a similar thing to a roommate I had in the summers during college. He flipped out in a very similar way when he couldn't play everqueer (everquest?) and world of warcraft.

Keef said...

Attorney General Eric Holder admits not reading Ariz. immigration law despite criticizing it


Just like about 99% of the rest of the country who is bitching about it

BLUE said...

or games similar to that, I don't even know what they were called.

Meiz said...

"Meiz, something about fishing and wisconsin and fish"


This is good news. I was actually discussing the giant drop in perch in the state/Lake Michigan last week with Dummy. NS

Perch totals have dropped something sick like 90+% since 1990. Terrible stuff. Perch is sooo fucking good.

Steve said...

Baker's Dozen:

An alternative explanation for why specifically bakers deliver 13 in a dozen has been found in the tidy way 13 disks (loaves, cookies, biscuits, etc.) can pack a rectangle (baking tray) of appropriate proportions. Packing trays have a 3:2 aspect ratio, and the most efficient two-dimensional array is hexagonal close packing, which has sixfold symmetry, such that each baked item is equidistant from its six nearest neighbors. The corners of a cookie sheet heat up and cool off faster than the edges and interior, so any item placed near a corner will not bake at the same rate as the other items. A 4+5+4 arrangement provides the dense hexagonal packing while avoiding corners, and would have been discovered empirically by bakers with the goal of baking the maximum number per batch with optimal uniformity.

Steve said...

That's a whole lot of words just to say "the most you used to be able to cook evenly is 13"

El Padrino said...

"Introducing the "Crown Crust Pizza" — from Pizza Hut in the Middle East — that studs alternating meatballs and balls of Philadelphia-brand cream cheese baked into the crust. Hence the name Crown Crust! For it is a regal feast for pizza lovers. Also, it looks sort of like a crown? And even worse! If you watch the commercial below, the intended purpose of the cream cheese ball is not to simply eat it, but to smear it all over the pizza."


OH MY GOD

Spaceman Spiff said...

thought EP hated philly

Steve said...

Crown Crust Pizza


i'd give it a shot.

Spaceman Spiff said...

thats not how i imagined it

El Padrino said...

i mean Oh MY GOD that's fucking gross

El Padrino said...

Chone Figgins blows

kod said...

i mean Oh MY GOD that's fucking gross

^^^^^^^^^^^^

I'm all for cheesy pizza, but cream cheese on pizza sounds gross

El Padrino said...

no clue alice waters was tatted up like that

kod said...

plus, I'm pretty certain that the meatballs are not made out of beef; I'm thinking goat or similar animal(ns)

Keef said...

Gonna break in the new sticks today, mize

BLUE said...

which clubs did you buy?

Keef said...

NELSON! back today

Keef said...

"which clubs did you buy?"

TaylorMade Burner Plus. The ones you linkt*, I think. Found 'em on ebay for $320

Keef said...

mize didn't help at all with it, even though he lives for that shit

BLUE said...

taylor made rocks the body that rocks the party

kod said...

"mize didn't help at all with it, even though he lives for that shit"

-don't worry, he'll be around to let you know that you got ripped off (s...I think)

El Padrino said...

mike woodson fired

El Padrino said...

the hedgehog destroyed him

BLUE said...

woodson firing was more about letting lebron pick a coach as opposed to their total collapse

BLUE said...

neverfuckingmind

mike brown/mike woodson...same guy to blitler

El Padrino said...

hehehehheee

Spaceman Spiff said...

nice

Beth said...

"mike woodson fired"

Good.

Meiz said...

Keith got the opposite of ripped off

kod said...

"mike woodson fired"

Good.

-yeah, the Hawks really went to shit over his tenure (s)

kod said...

Keith got the opposite of ripped off

suite; although part of me was hoping you would accuse him of getting ripped off, which would make him accuse you of not helping more, and general hilarity would probably ensue

-oh well

Meiz said...

Woodson had very little to do with the Hawks' success.

Did they even run offensive sets?

They played horrible team defense.

Spaceman Spiff said...

"

Report: Cleveland Cavaliers fire coach Mike Brown despite 61-win season "

there you go blue

BLUE said...

it's all shades of black coaches to blitler

BLUE said...

Calipari tweets masses: "i'll be kentucky's coach"

ok, he's already their coach, and B, he's as good as gone now.

El Padrino said...

i cant continue to keep bj upton in my $$ league

i mean wft

El Padrino said...

They played horrible team defense.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Tyler said...

We are Lebron - it's terrible and an example of why Lebron needs to leave Cleveland.

Tyler said...

I am bored.

Steve said...

"Report: Cleveland Cavaliers fire coach Mike Brown despite 61-win season"

that's interesting. i wonder if it's a sign that LBJ is gonna stay. and Brown is leaving Charlotte (that's the word anyways)

Tyler said...

Got arrested at the Mardi Gras for jumping on a float, my man MCA's got a beard like a billy goat.

Tyler said...

Pelfrey is a tease.

Tyler said...

It's good to see that the Coach of the Year Curse is still alive. Scotty Brooks better watch his step.

El Padrino said...

Yay Tyler!

El Padrino said...

T you think bron bron is a knickerbocker or you hate on that idea like the sheep in here

El Padrino said...

wow that video was all pain

kod said...

"I look back -- the things that I set out that I wanted to accomplish and bring back to Philadelphia I wasn't able to, and I apologize more than anything to the people of Philadelphia, not bringing that Super Bowl to them,"

-shoot, if he had done what he did in Philly in Minnesota instead, we'd be building a shrine to him right now (he'd probably go down as the #2 all time QB in Minni next to Tarkington)

Meiz said...

LeBron's going to the Lakers.

Lock it up!

El Padrino said...

austin jackson hello

Tyler said...

I have no clue what he's gonna do. Everyone seems to think that he's going to the Bulls if he doesn't reup with the Cavs. Bulls have the most talent, but the Knicks can buy whatever they want right now. The Knicks just can't do what the Cavs did and spend money on random guys and hope it's going to work. They need to put a team around him.

Tyler said...

He's gonna do the world tour and visit everyone, so it's tough to say what's going to happen until he signs. But the Knicks are on the short list, so you've gotta like those odds.

kod said...

their team is OLD and if Lebron gets in a funk (which is what happened), they suck.


-agreed, but Boston also played far better than most expected. I think if people knew Boston was going to come out and play the way they did, a fair number of people would have picked the Celtics.

Tyler said...

LeBron's going to the Lakers.

Lock it up!


L.A. Sports Radio was coming up with crazy sign and trade scenarios that other day. Most of them have to involve Artest, which means it's never gonna happen.

kod said...

LBJ to the Timberwolves; lock it up. Apparently he's always wanted to play with Corey Brewer. Who knew?

Meiz said...

I am god awful at golf picks

Tyler said...

Word Kod, Boston also had a defense plan against Lebron, they gave him different looks and always had a guy on him. They have lengthy defenders which I think had as much to do with whatever happened to him in the last three games.

kod said...

"They have lengthy defenders which I think had as much to do with whatever happened to him in the last three games."

-it was crazy how easily LBJ seemed to come unglued in the last two games (the only two I watched though).
-Even though LBJ's stats yesterday were great on paper yesterday...he had at least 8 turnovers (many unforced)

Meiz said...

LBJ, Jennings, Bogut, Salmons, random PF. Lock it up!

El Padrino said...

they had 6 years of lebron and did nothing, fans should kill cavs front office not lebron

Tyler said...

I mean, this is the Cavs core:

Lebron
Jamison
Mo Williams
Shaq
Ilgauskas
Jamario Moon
Anthony Parker
Varejao
Delonte West
JJ Hickson

Lebron + old guys + scrubs + Mo Williams (who can go MIA)

Tyler said...

Yep Kod, turnovers killed him. He had 27 of them for the series. As much as it pains me to say, I think Boston D had something to do with that.

BLUE said...

"LeBron's going to the Lakers.

Lock it up!"


this is not as crazy as it sounds

BLUE said...

you're telling me that Cleveland wouldn't take an Odom/Pau/Shannon Brown tandem for a sign and trade?

Tyler said...

Even if they manage to reup Lebron, it's obvious they need another superstar. The problem is, even with Shaq's $20 mill coming off the books, they're still over the cap.

BLUE said...

weather is nicer in LA and you get to rub elbows with just as many celebs as you do in the NYC.

plus you don't have to live in an apartment

Tyler said...

No way the Lakers are going to involve Pau in a trade. So you're looking at Odom, Artest, Brown and some picks/Adam Morrison.

El Padrino said...

no way

can't have to alpha dogs on the same squad, each of which might go down as best evers

Tyler said...

I could see them playing together with Kobe doing the hand-holding and pretty much grooming Lebron to take over when it's Kobe's time to ride off into the sunset.

I just don't think it's possible trade wise.

Tyler said...

Lebron to Miami is also getting a lot of run; imagine how that would work. That's the same thing as Lebron/Kobe.

El Padrino said...

"Lebron to Miami is also getting a lot of run; imagine how that would work. That's the same thing as Lebron/Kobe."

shit wade might not come back

Tyler said...

No, it would be with Wade. With Wade opting out, Miami all of the sudden has two players under contract and two team options. They've got like $7mill in contracts once Wade opt out.

Tyler said...

Beasley, Daequan Cook, team options on James Jones and Mario Chalmers. Everyone else expired.

Meiz said...

I heard Wade's retiring.

Tyler said...

Man, I can't believe Eddy Curry is gonna get paid $11 mill next year.

El Padrino said...

thanks zeke!

Keef said...

"although part of me was hoping you would accuse him of getting ripped off, which would make him accuse you of not helping more, and general hilarity would probably ensue"



^^^^^^^^^^^

Tyler said...

Ha, Adam Morrison has a qualifying offer for next year for almost $7 mill. Hope you invested some of your money, Adam!

Tyler said...

Lakers are gonna be paying Kobe $30 mill in 2013/2014. That's gonna sting a bit.

BLUE said...

dope

Keef said...

"I am god awful at golf picks"


You scored the most points yesterday

BLUE said...

kobe will be traded b4 then...he wants out

Keef said...

"all of the sudden"

YMSOAB

Tyler said...

The Wizards also have a lot of dough to spend.

Keef said...

Paul Azinger interview on Rome was suite

kod said...

"all of the sudden"

-President Stewie will have you killed

Keef said...

pitcher's dual* @ Wrigley this afternoon

El Padrino said...

that a hockey player or something

Keef said...

"President Stewie will have you killed"

::FG sucks::

Spaceman Spiff said...

part of me wouldnt have minded kobe not getting re-signed then him opting out, then lakers snatching up lebron

and then

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Tarkington"

nice

Spaceman Spiff said...

phil jax would coach another decade+ with bron

Spaceman Spiff said...

lebron pau and phil, wonder if the lakers even discussed this

El Padrino said...

wet dreams

El Padrino said...

i have some great fantasy teams in lov leagues

El Padrino said...

yhoo team is fucking loaded
could use another sp though, could always use that

BLUE said...

pick up jhoulys chacin (ns)

BLUE said...

didn't have a superb outing last night but the kid is the next ubaldo (ns)

BLUE said...

except without the walks

El Padrino said...

so i've heard

BLUE said...

they have him on a pitch count though, might not be around at the end of the year

JFreak said...

How do you not like sliced bread?

Weirdo.

El Padrino said...

i tried to get him last week in my $$ keeper but someone had him already

BLUE said...

is your $$ keeper our ESPN league?

Meiz said...

"How do you not like sliced bread?

Weirdo."


You know you're talking to Mr Gourmet, right?

Spaceman Spiff said...

EPs not gonna like the eltardo article

El Padrino said...

"is your $$ keeper our ESPN league?"

stop it

Spaceman Spiff said...

i suck at streaming pitchers

Meiz said...

I think everybody should go to Lookout Landing and browse the "Starting A Meme" fanpost on the right hand side.

Steve said...

Chinese restaurant contacts animal shelter looking to buy unwanted pets


that's just funny.

Spaceman Spiff said...

WFT

meiz, move to norway and kill/rape someone, prison is nicer than your apt

El Padrino said...

hilarious

El Padrino said...

piece

Meiz said...

"meiz, move to norway and kill/rape someone, prison is nicer than your apt"


WFT. That shit's WAY nicer than my place.

Spaceman Spiff said...

high school imposter guy had sex with a student while imposting*, arrested

BLUE said...

yeah, that was a question they were asking on the radio...what a moran

kod said...

I also heard that they arrested a female teacher in Texas who got caught on tape beating the shit out of a 6th grader who made fun of a special ed kid.

kod said...

I just found out my sister's ex-husband is buying her a new BMW suv, and she is giving me her 2006 Honda CRV

-suite; that's a big upgrade over my eclipse. Plus, I can sell that and use it for the fertility bills

Meiz said...

"Plus, I can sell that and use it for the fertility bills"


You're the best, Kod.

Keef said...

new clubs are suite

Meiz said...

"new clubs are suite"


It feels different when you hit the ball, doesn't it?

Keef said...

Fo sho. And hitting an 8 iron where I used to hit 6 or 7 irons. I did that a few times. Shot 5-over on the front and 10-over on the back

Keef said...

"I did that a few times."

I mean I hit what I used to hit and went 30 yards over

Keef said...

hilarity

kod said...

Twins up by 1 on the Yankees in the 7th; they have the bases loaded with one out and A-Rod up.

Gardie could have put anyone in; he chose Guerrer, who had given up 3 HRs to A-rod in 7 at bats.

He then proceeds to hit a Grand Slam. Shocking

kod said...

cmkod was in an accident tonight on the drive from Mpls to Bemidji.

Nobody was hurt, but her car is fucked up.

I'm like Jerry; even steven

kod said...

IN YOU FACE BRUINS

Spaceman Spiff said...

push

Spaceman Spiff said...

bolder

Spaceman Spiff said...

FUCK BOSTON

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