Friday, April 30, 2010

George Hill? Really?

I want to talk about Bossaball. I think the states should adopt this sport.

Agree? It's a combination of volleyball, like flipping and shit. And soccer. Which is frowned upon. But it's not really soccer per se, it's the fact that you can use your feet during a volleyball contest while jumping on a trampoline. Looks awesome. Check the bible for more information.

Joe Torre's nose or Bob Uecker's nose? Who would win? Rosters expanding for the All-Star games dilutes being an All Star. Hey look Boxing wants us to care about a fight this weekend. Also the Kentucky Derby is this weekend. The sentimental favorite is Stately Victor. Read about him here. The favorite is 3-1 Looking at Lucky, a Baffert horse, but drew Post 1 yesterday. Not good. No horse has won the Derby from the rail post since 1986. That's when the Mets last won a World Series. Good year. The only Filly (female horse) in the race drew 11 and is quite intriguing. I think Devil May Care will at least show (no worse than finishing 3rd). And to round out the trifecta I would say.....Sidney's Candy and Dublin. Do not take that to the bank it's a bunch of animals racing. Awesome Act is a cool horse name. I think I made a list of horse names for each LOV member. I should go check that. It was probably somewhat amusing. 2 years ago I got Laser Eye Surgery, still stands as the best decision I ever made. Close second is shaving my balls regularly. AJA eyesight is important. I need to consume more gelato. Mavs aint winning the title/ In fact they got bounced by a team with an average age of 54. Congrats Dallas. You suck in everything. Heather Brooke does WORK.

Thursday, April 29, 2010

Lazy dogs

"A new report from UK's Daily Mirror claims Tiger Woods has enumerated the exact number of women he cheated with. The number is... wait for it... 121."

That's alot of fucking. Like alot of fucking. Tem should have filed a patent for "The Angry Tiger".
Look! Hockey is cool again! The playoffs! Is Barry Melrose serious with those long dracula suit coats? The hair is hilarity in itself but does he have to top it off with the fashion statement? I bet he crushes pussy though.

The Hawks are not as good as we thought they were.

Rap of the day:

"I'd rather turn this club into a bar room brawl," Eminem "sings" in his latest offering, Recovery. "Get as rowdy as Roethlisberger in a bathroom stall."

Time 100 list. I enjoy this yearly list more than any other one. Don't know why.

Wednesday, April 28, 2010

Nuggets suck

Does it bother anyone else that the "top of the page material" is now on the side of the page and not the top? I guess that's about right considering...

I've given up on the nuggets, infighting, bad play, shitty attitudes, fuck them. The amazing Ubaldo is at it again, he ran his consecutive scoreless innings streak to 22 and 1/3 innings best in rockies history...Of course that's not even halfway to Oral's* record. Only gave up 2 hits last night, lady and gentlemen you're NL cy young award winner (if the award were given in April).

supposedly the raiders are going to release Jamarcus Russell....maybe the Broncos can pick him up.

Bret Michaels is dead, I guess there was just a little too much unskinny bop for him. Maybe every rose does have a thorn (except thornless ones). Maybe too much of wanting nothing but a good time? My mama don't dance and neither does Bret now. Unfortunately there is nothing to believe in. I wonder if he refused to open up and say ahhh?.*

*He may not be dead yet, but I really just wanted to show off my knowledge of Poison songs.

I watched some of that show about the guy from Kiss and his jewels. Shitty show, it was the osbornes with a hotter wife.

How has it changed your life? Keith? Mize?

ok i'm done now

Tuesday, April 27, 2010

Sports and Ramblings

Let's just get right into some rambling. Witty openings are for writers. I think they sit around for hours just thinking of an opening sentence. It is almost like a pick up line. Except you can use the same pick up line over and over again. Especially if it is working. I never really had any good pick up lines. Was dating exfemtem throughout my pick up line developmental stage so I never had to develop any. That made it hard afterwards, damn 20-20 hindsight.

Anyone here wear a watch? I hate them. Not because they aren't useful, they are. They are just so annoying on your wrist. I can constantly feel the dang thing. Then it slides around and bangs into stuff. I don't see the appeal. I also don't get designer purses. They look ugly to me. What's wrong with just a black leather purse? Why do they have to be half zebra striped and half polka dots? That looks dumb. But if you put Vitton on it then it is cool. I'm going to put Vitton on my penis then all the chicks will be all about it...then again then they'd just be trying to put stuff in it. I don't like that idea.

Thanks for showing up Charlotte. Your new owner loves losing. At least he didn't bet on you.

In NHL news the playoffs are taking even longer than usual. Going to see some game 7s. I think Washington has been pushed to 7. Bruins play the Pens in the next round. I think. I guess I should look this up. I'm just making shit up.

I bought the new Barenaked Ladies CD. I would rate it as "not good." They definitely miss the other guy. You know the guy who quit then later got busted for cocaine or something. I don't know. But really they haven't been writing anything new that was good for about 4 years. They are this generations Jimmy Buffet.

Speaking of Buffet how in the world has he not had a new song since like 1979? He really just plays his one album and people pay him lots of money. I guess he figures why write new stuff when he is still selling out stadiums playing the old stuff. I don't know, maybe he has been putting new stuff out, but I have never heard a new song from him on the radio. He's done some guest spots here and there, but nothing brand new. He is either lazy, a genius or a combination of both.

What every happened to Sonny? I saw Cher on the ACMs, she looked like a leather bag of some kind. Stick a Prada label on her and she'd sell for $1,000,000. But seriously, she looked old. I figured Sonny was dead. Not that I think they hang out anymore, just wondered what he was up to. I decided he is dead, didn't bother to fact check.

Anyone watch How I Met Your Mother? That sounds like a show I wish I would have been watching. It is too late now.

UFC Talk:
Couture is going to fight James Toney. This could be trouble for Couture. If he tries to box Toney at all I think Toney is going to knock him out. And Couture doesn't have the chin he used to. I think Couture will be under strict instructions to take it to the mat and ground and pound away. I don't think anyone wants to see Couture stand with Toney...well fans do and people in Toney's camp do, but not any UFC brass.

Machida vs Shogun 2 is coming up. I hope Machida wins that. I am a big Machida fan. Although if he fights as non aggressive as last time then he will lose. He needs to be a little more aggressive and not get his leg kicked as much. Leg kicks be hurting you, yo.

Also on that card is Koscheck vs Daley. Koscheck probably wins that then they will talk about him having a chance against GSP. If he fights GSP again the results will be the same. Speaking of GSP he wins by decision too much. For someone who is supposed to be the best WW ever, or at least right now 3 of his last 4 fights were won on decision. And in the other the guy just quit.

Also Kimbo Slice is on the Machida/Rua 2 card.

End UFC Talk

Pirates have lost 7 straight and have a -82 run differential. That's impressive. Good thing this is not soccer, they'd get demoted. At least they are not Baltimore. Of course Baltimore has a -36 run differential, so I guess they have been more competitive.

Bucks are doing OK in the playoffs, Meiz is probably pretty happy. Good for Meiz.

OK that is enough.

Monday, April 26, 2010

Oh what a feeling


2 people might remember that commercial.

What a weekend!!!! The Mess are on FIR*! I was wrong about them, they're a pretty solid team. They're gonna give the Phillies all they can handle in the NL East.

The NFL draft finished up this weekend. No, really, it happened. Axe LP. I would say that it sucked him all weekend, but it's probably the other way around. IMO, Bangles* draft was ok. They got that TE from Oklahoma. He was pretty good with a ratard throwing to him, so he should be ok in Cincy. Then they got that guy who got a DUI, or as mize calls it "OWI", right before the SEC champyunship* game. He's pretty good when he's not operating while intoxicated. Then they got the white WR from Texas. He could be the next Wes Welker, minus the O:FB stigma. Then they got some other guys that I don't know nothing* about. They're probably gangbangers and felons. One guy is from UGA. Beth probably fuckt* him.

csil story from the weekend. She got really drunk (no, really) on Saturday. Non-stop drinking from about noon until 2am (all PST). We were leaving the bar and pack into the car (I'm a poet), and there are 6 of us. Me & cmk, my buddy and his wife, hsil & csil. The back seat has cmk & hsil by the winders* and csil & buddy's wife in the middle. It was probably illegal because there were only 3 seatbelts. But I digress. So we're driving to csil's place to drop her off. We get off the freeway and we're about 3/4 mile from her condo. She starts getting moving around in the back seat and I just thought she was trying to get comfortable because it was crowded. All of a sudden she reaches over hsil to try and get the window down and she leans over and yacks all over. The window wouldn't go all the way down because it's a back window and they don't do that. So about 1/3 of it goes out the window, 1/3 goes all over the inside of the window and door, and 1/3 goes all over hsil. Funniest goddman thing I've seen in a long time. I'm still on the off-ramp so I couldn't pull over and she yacks two more times with the same results. Luckily we were driving hsil's car because of that would of* been mine or cmk's car, csil would be something something. The end.

Bret Michaels is still dying. cmk thinks his brain hemorrhage is from all the drug use. I don't know if that's possible. We need a scientist to research it.

Thanks Obamer*!

Mize, the irons budget went up to between $400-$500. Do work, son. Thanks in advance.

We played the last place team in softball tonight. No, we didn't play ourselves, tem. We're in 2nd to last. But we won 23-8 I think. That's how bad that team was. 4-5 for me with 3 RBI & 4 runs. I got signed by the O's right after the game.

Friday, April 23, 2010


I really should have drank less. The draft was awesome. The Broncos ARE awesome. The Jags get an F for the Raider pick where no one, still, even knows who that is. The niners are nuts. 2nd round is gonna get gooder. I'm so late right now. I just want to sleep it off. Really Buffalo? Really? Spiller? Dez to Dallas. Clausen must be pissed.

Thursday, April 22, 2010

Meet the New Kod....Same as the Old Kod

Earlier this week I scoured the archives for a drunken kodrant; not just any drunken kodrant (there are literally hundreds out there to be found on LOV) but the first kodrant. This rant is significant to me, because it was pretty much the first comment I ever posted on LOV. When I found it and read through it, it didn't disappoint.: On November 29th, 2006 drunk Kod said:

"I think it's funny that some of the frequent posters in here talk shit about SG about being boring and repetitive, while being boring and repetitive themselves. I'm a big fan of Rev's postings, but for the most part, the comments section (and many of the postings) are/is the same old shit.One notable exception is Isiah, who is a sick fuck. I hate the Duke basketball team (and college in general) as much as the vast majority of this country; but taking pride in a player suffering a serious injury, for no other reason than his collge, is sickening. This douche bag has nothing positive to say about anything....he must be sooooo cool since everything else and everybody else sucks.The truth is that most people in this room are D-/D writers and thinkers who truly believe they have something important to say; emboldened by the fact that 99% of the room is in the same boat, and by comparison, their shit looks halfway decent. Sure, I am a shitty writer myself, but at least I'm not here trying to pretend that I'm something that I'm not.Earlier today Steve perfectly summed up the IQ of this croud by stating that, "re-read one of the old ones and you'll get a just of the new"....well, hopefully you all get the "just" of what I am trying to say.Hey, if you guys can talk shit about Cott and SG (who aren't that good, but, with the exception of Rev., are about 1000 times better than all of you), then it's only fair that posters here can state the truth."

A couple of thoughts come to mind

1) I clearly got a pretty good read on Zeke right away. Sick fuck might have been a little strong; but cmon, dude can be pretty twisted sometimes. Of course, none of us would want him any other way
2) Why was I all over Rev's broom? Sure the dude could throw out a 5 scroller on a moments notice, but I might have had a little too much Rev-love going on that night.
3) I can't believe I said Cott and SG were 1000 better than all of you. Cott and SG aren't even 1000 times better than freak's dog shit removal methods.
3) Note how I use Steve's HDH to judge every LOV poster's intelligence? Ridiculous for sure. Even worse considering I had HDH myself in calling him out (IQ of this croud....nice),
4) Finally, I would like to confess that I was completely and totally 100% wrong in my assessment of LOV as boring. You all are a lot of things, but boring certainly isn't one of them. I've spent literally thousands of hours over the years reading comments and commenting myself. Repetetive? Absolutely. D- writing? Usually. But never boring.
Cheers's to you, and to another 3+ years of avoiding work and personal relationships.

Wednesday, April 21, 2010

Blue's no hero

I went to Alabama for a long weekend this past weekend. Had to go pickup cmblue and the 2 bgblues from her parents and help them all fly back. It was a good trip. On saturday we went here for a day of fun in the sun at the lake. It was a glorious day until tragedy struck. Whilst Blue was sitting in the shade with bgblue2 avoiding the Alabama sun he heard a commotion coming from the "non-swimming" area of the lake right near where he was sitting. Blue went to check it out and saw a couple of people in the water seriously struggling. A couple of other dudes jumped in the water to help. Blue gave bgblue2 to his mother in law and went to see if he could help. By the time he got there, one of the guys that was struggling was coming out of the water...the other was nowhere to be seen and there were 4 or 5 guys swimming around obviously looking for him. Blue has seen Baywatch many times, so he did his best Hoff impression and jumped in to help. He knew he would find this guy. He swam around for probably 15 minutes, diving down, looking everywhere. We knew exactly where he went under the water so it shouldn't be difficult to find a guy in a lake with no current. At one point there was probably 20 guys in the water searching. As it approached 20 minutes or so the park rangers showed up and tried to help. Still no luck 5 minutes later, the search and rescue showed up. At this point Blue said "fuck it, i'm no hero" and got out of the water. He knew there was no chance that the guy was coming out of that lake alive now. The search and rescue guys took a good 10-15 minutes to get suited up with their diving gear before they went into the lake. There was a crowd of probably 500 people or so standing around watching when Blue came out of the lake. Dejected he dried himself off, talked to a Cop for a minute and then became a "watcher" like the rest. The guy who was in the water with his friend was standing there, staring out at the water not saying anything, not really moving. He was emotionless, I figure in shock, but also feeling very lucky to be alive himself. One of the first guys in the water to help had gotten him out, his shirt was torn from the struggling with his friend as they tried to both get out of the water. It was very surreal, and for some reason Blue felt like he had to see if they retreived a body out of the water. Maybe everyone was wrong and there was really only one guy and we had gotten him out. But eventually, probably after about 20 minutes of diving, the search and rescue announced they had found him. The police moved everyone back, but Blue had a good view as they pulled the body out of the lake. It's still feels like a movie or a dream. The vision of the fear on the guys face when he was struggling is still burned into blue's memory.

I've spent a lot of time at the lake and around water in my life and never have I seen somebody drown...check that off the list. Blue made a tasteless joke at one point because the tension was so bad. The guys were Mexicans and blue said to no-one that could hear other than cmblue "guess he didn't swim across the border". Bad joke.

Anyway...the story is here but it's a worthless story by the newspaper, doesn't even mention Blue.

Hope everyone has a great Wednesday.

Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Speaking of things...

The title has nothing to do with anything. Deal with it.

So last thursday at work my buddy doesn't come into the office. Happens again on friday. So he quit/resigned/got fired whatever. Then over the weekend another guy up and quits. All sorts of drama here. Drama leads to new news though, so that is always good.

Turns out my buddy who quit/resigned/got fired was tagging the only thing worth tagging here off and on for the last year or more. Now she is the executive assistant to one of the two big bosses. She was assistant to both of them but now just one. Anyways, needless to say she has dirt on everyone in the office. And of course after you get a chick to climax she'll basically tell you anything, so for the last year or more my buddy has had all the dirt on everyone in the office. It was fun to hear who was trying to fuck who and who was cheating on their wives and who was paying other people under the table and what not. Nothing ground breaking or super amazing. Apparently nobody has any secret super hero powers, but it would seem a lot of people (especially the dudes in construction) really enjoy cheating on their wives. It kind of opened my eyes a bit. I knew people cheated and I knew it happened often but to hear it about people you wouldn't have thought it about was something else. Of course what my buddy was saying could have been all lies.

Anyway, complete change of subject. Have you ever been driving on the interstate, or anywhere really, and looked at the light poles. You are driving and looking at them and then you think to yourself "hmm, those don't look too far apart, I could probably run from 1 to the other at this pace. It is taking me like 10 seconds to get there. I could run that." But the thing is you are driving at like 70mph, there is no way you could run that. You'd never come close to finishing that quickly. But it just seems like it when you are in the car. Bottles the mind.

OK it is late I better publish. Also people keep asking me questions at work. I think because people quit I get to do their work...woe.

Monday, April 19, 2010

I'm not feeling it /aitch

This might be a new low for me. My laptop is fuckt*, so I can't use that to post this. And my work laptop doesn't allow me to get on the posting page because the network blocks it. And my work laptop won't connect to the signal I'm "using" at my house. So I just finished softball and I'm sitting in my car in front of Starbucks at 10:47 pm PST writing this. If nothing, at least I'm dedicated. Or a loser. Probably the latter. Whatever.

Playoff hockey this weekend. I'm not hookt* yet, but I watched a little bit. I don't really have a team so I don't have a rooting interest. I can't root for the Coyotes because I hate that "I root for them because they're the home team" guy. I just don't want Detroit or Philly to win.

Playoff basketball started yesterday. Fuck Boston. That is all.

MLB is in full swing. The Mess are terrible again. All is almost right with the world. They did get 1 win this weekend, thanks to StL pitching one of their OFs in the 20th inning. Cincy is bad too so I can't say too much. But that won't stop me. Rockies had their first no-no as a franchise. Poor Beth. At least she has the Hawks bandwagon to jump on. She likes jumping on things. wadr

cmk, csil, & hsil went to Vegas this weekend. Noone got married, tatted up, pierced, or AIDS. I guess that's a successful Vegas trip.

Softball DH tonight suckt*. We went 1-1. I know you all were waiting patiently for the results.

I'm done posting on Mondays, someone else needs to take over. (S)

Friday, April 16, 2010

NBA (national basketball association) Playoff (post-season) Preview (How it will go down)

I love the NBA playoffs because I like to watch money players. And someone always becomes a money player. Turkoglu is a good example. Pietrus maybe. Ariza. Guys like that. You know you are getting the star production from the stars. But for me, the teams who win championships, always have that other guy. I don't think the Lebrons have one of those guys. So I'm not picking them to win. To clarify.

Finals- Mavericks over Cavs, in 6.
It's now or never. Finals or bust. Seems like the Dirk era Mavs have been loitering in the playoffs for awhile now. Shaq/Wade blew them away in 05? for the title but this supporting cast is deeper. Haywood, Stevenson, Marion, Butler, and a not so 37 year old hall of famer which by the way can we give Cubes some credit for trading Harris for Kidd now. Harris is lost, Kidd has not dropped off in any way and has redonk playoff experience.

The way I see the first round shaking down.

Cavs over Bulls in 5
Orlando over Charlotte in 6
Atlanta over Milwaukee in 5
Miami over Boston in 7 (O:FB)

Lakers over Thunder in 5
Dallas over San Antonio in 6
Suns over Blazers in 4
Denver over Utar in 6

Nuggs will beat the Lakers in the 2nd round.
Atlanta will take Orlando out in the 2nd round.
And then take the Cavs to a Game 7 in what might be the most exciting series.
Dallas/Phoenix will be a 7 game series.
Dallas will use that mo mo to sweep the Nuggets.
Someone major will get hurt.
The officiating will be brutal.
Stan Van Gundy will not wear a tie.
Dirk will be your Finals MVP.
Someone will score 50 points or more in a game.

Shame on you real NBA fans that didnt want to write a preview. I watched about 10 non-Knick games this season so if this preview sucks blow it out your ass. All youz did today was weaken a country.

Thursday, April 15, 2010

unmotivated. deal with it.

Hockey playoffs started. 3 upsets last night. San Jose really sucks around playoff time. This is why I was not upset when the Bruins got rid of Joe Thornton. He's a huge underachiever once the calendar turns to April.

NBA regular season is over. David Stern is going to discuss teams resting starters in tthe final games of the season. This announcement was a transparent P.R. move since it is something that they can't really control. If they put a rule in place to prevent it, them players will start coming up with phantom injuries.

The Houston Astros are 0-8. Shaky start for Brad Mills. The astros record losing streak is 9. The MLB record is 21 straight. They may eclipse both. Step back off that bridge, Jug. You still have the White Sox.

In LOV news, I am officially vacating my spot on Thursdays. Who wants it?


Wednesday, April 14, 2010


nba playoffs start this pick in the west is either PHX or San Antonio, so it will be the east I like Atlanta

The doubledown commercials are awful, fuck those guys

Conan is going to be on TBS, so that's cool, at least he went to a station nobody watches already

golf season is official, but don't go play by yourself that's the ghey

why do you have to have a license to fish?

the fuck is a tortada...sounds retada

who comes up with plots for movies these days....kick-ass? first, the name sucks, and then you know mclovin ain't kick-ass, so what the hell. Maybe if it had Bruce Willis or Ivan Drago

NFL draft is next week I've got -160 on bradford as the #1 pick...and he will be a bust and suck

amare stoudamire is good at dunking

I miss Harry Caray

I also miss Will Farrell as Harry Caray

Cheryl Miller has a deeper voice and bigger nutz than Reggie

that's probably about it.

Tuesday, April 13, 2010

I wonder when

I wonder when the media is going to learn not to compare "bad" people to the people they think are "good." For example, everyone is all over the Phil won because he isn't a cheater thing...Are they sure he isn't? Remember when people were saying that Bonds was evil and he should have kept it clean like ARod does? I remember that. The media is a bunch of idiots. I wish they'd just report the sports and try to stay out of people's personal life.

In other news my stress levels are at all time highs. I don't really know why, I guess more things are going on than usual. I usually never get affected by stress but I can definitely tell I am now. Maybe I should smoke some pot or something.

In WVU news Ebanks is going pro. I wish he had stayed another year, I hope he doesn't hire an agent, but if he is going to go in the first round I don't blame him. I mean that is some good guaranteed money. If they told Joe Accountant that if he left college early they'd start him out at $2M a year he'd be an idiot not to take it.

Not much play in Ohio about the Holmes trade. I'm not sure if that is because he is black, (was) a Steeler or if because he just never comes back here and does stuff. Most Buckeyes get the royal treatment in the news paper. They still give updates about what Scoonie Penn is doing. But Holmes doesn't get much. Maybe because he is a trouble maker or something. I dunno.

In MLB news is Houston really that bad?

OK I was hoping this post would be better, but it is not. Deal with it. I was going to write about something else but I forget what.

Monday, April 12, 2010

Life goes on...

I was rooting for Corky to win the green jacket this weekend. He's been a pretty solid player for the last few years and has had some close calls at some majors over the last year or so. Not bad for a guy with a helmet. But it was cool to see Phil win it. He showed some ONIONS on Sunday with a few of the shots he made, and to close it out with a birdie was nice. Tiger also played this weekend, not sure if you heard about it. Rev thinks that he's a giant bag of douche. Tiger, that is. Not himself. If that makes sense.

1st full weekend of beisbol, also. Poo-holes is good. Lincecum is good. The Mess are not good. The Cubs are not good. Jason Heyward is good. Ubaldo is good. Jay Bruce is not. Verlander is really not.

Cmk & I went to the OG on Saturday night, on tem's dime. I had the stufft* chicken marsala. It was decent. Worth the $14 or whatever it costs. Then we went to the driving range and she was hitting it like 200 yards. So she's good @ golf and good at flag football. I hope she's not gay.

They imploded the old Cowboys stadium yesterday. I like watching that shit. Implosions suck me every time.

NBA regular season is over this week. Only 3 more months until the playoffs are over. Thank God. The champions won't be either the Lakers or the Cavs. Lock it up. But don't throw away the key.

Apparently summer is here. It's really fucking hot. But the pool is still really fucking cold. At least there weren't any earthquakes shaking things up over here this weekend.

Softball was ratarded again. We played a really shitty team and had to go 1 extra inning to beat them. This team I'm on is really bad, too. The team name is Dead Last, which basically fits perfectly.

This post was sucktastic

Friday, April 09, 2010

Go Kart Bombers

Colgate or Crest? Or whatever is on sale. That's how I roll. If you guys care The Masters is on this weekend. Some people said it started yesterday. Fred Funk is winning after 18 holes. Terry Funk was the hardcore king. Irish Spring or Lever 2000? Or whatever is on sale? I prefer Lever 2000 as it smells fresh and deoderizes the body. I'm a little drunk and I need you now. Butler paid their 19 year old coach for winning alot. Orange* cha glad I dont yap about NY sports much in my posts. I mean the media covers it enough I'm sure y'all* is tired of it. Next week I mock draft then we do the bet where youz don't think I'll get 6 or 7 or whatever number right and I'll win again. I win that bet every year. Then the week after I'm going to live blog it or a diary. So you win either way. "Muslim woman strangled by her burkha in freak go-kart accident"...ya know I never understood why they continue to wear that stuff whilst living in America. I know it's a religious thing but give it a break. Didn't you move to this country for certain freedoms? And since when do Muslims ride Go Karts? Was this a terrorist plot being hashed out? You are going to bomb our Go Kart infrastructures? Damn you Jihadists! From the SHOCKER dept. Chipper Jones is hurt. Really all the sports news is centered around the Golf Tournament going on in Beth's sex lair so that's why I'm rambling about toohpaste and soap. Also it's raining and I don't want to go to work. So I'm stalling. Again, you win. I'm gonna wear my sunglasses in the rain today. Just to fuck shit up. Stick deoderant or spray deoderant? My kid can open and close doors now. So precarious and full of wonderment. So I bolted the door. No kid of mine is disappearing in the night. Even if I live in NY and am considered a bad parent. Aitch seriously dude. Beer me. So I guess I have to ask, after seeing Tiger perform fairly well you guys think he'll win? I'm gonna regret asking that question. You think if Lou Pinella or Joe Girardi or Terry Francona or even Jerry Manuel snorted coke that the story would just go away? Arlington, TX has it's advantages I guess. Vernon Wells is your MVP thus far. Let that marinate. Piece.

Thursday, April 08, 2010

It's Thursday, I gotta post something...

So Meiz said this post is gonna suck. So here's my problem. Do I say F^&* HIM!! and post something grate* and insightful (which may have been his goal) or do I make a crappy post (which may have also been his goal)? I think I will just ramble.

I watched the Red Sox lose to the Yankees again. I was annoyed at first, then I remembered that it is April and these games really don't matter. It was nice to see David Ortiz get a hit and an RBI, but it would have been nicer if he could have done it again later on in the game when he had another RBI opportunity.

In FMLB news, I was way ahead after 2 days. Now I'm in a dog fight. I expect to finish last, so anything more than that will satisfy me.

I didn't read Simmons' column on Rasheed, but if he said that 'Sheed is a cancer, I agree. Dud has just killed the Celtics this year. He's a big man that doesn't play like a big man, jacks up 3's like he's a good shooter (which he isn't) and antagonizes the officials and now Doc Rivers. This may go down as the worst signing in Celtics history, and that's saying a lot.

Speaking of the Celtics, it is grate* listening to all the fans around here whining and moaning about the Celtics and how bad they've played. Look people, they mortgaged the farm in order to get a shot at a title. We knew there was a 2-3 year window where they'd be good. The new Big 3 won in their first year together. We're now in the 3rd year of that 2-3 year window. It's over. Deal.

In other NBA news, the NBA admitted that officials missed a call against OKC's KEvin Durant. The foul would have put him at the line shooting three free throws with his team down by a point. Instead, OKC lost and fell to the 7th spot in the West. I always find it laughable when a league comes out and admits their officials messed up a call. It's like finding out that a girl you used to have a crush on, who is now happily married with children, had a crush on you too. It makes ou feel a little better, but you still never slept with her. It's grate* that the league said they messed up, but it doesn't erase the loss or help OKC in any way, so what's the point?

You know, I remember my first couple of posts here on the Thursday slot. I was spittin' fire and you guys and gal were loving it. I seem to have lost that winning formula. I started to wonder, were my first few posts really that good, or were they just awesome in comparison to Freak's suckiness? I'm starting to believe it was the latter. And I'm ok with that.

Well, Meiz, did it suck?

Wednesday, April 07, 2010

Tuesday, April 06, 2010

I bet you saw it

Well I imagine you all saw the game last night, or at least parts of it. I gotta say it was a pretty good game. Butler did a lot better than I thought they would. Those kids played really well. Consider me impressed.

I also need to say this....I actually found myself rooting for Duke a little. It shocked me. I might not go to work today. I'm not a huge Duke hater, but I have never liked them and for the most part I can't remember a single game where they didn't have the biggest douche on the court...until last night. That Howard kid from Butler was definitely the biggest douche.

First of all he looks like a douche. He has some sort of blond shitty mustache going. It looks like he is in cheap 80s porn. Second he is one of those guys who when he fouls he gets all upset and can't believe it was a foul. His fourth foul was hilarity. They put him back into the game and within 45 seconds he got his fourth foul. Of course he thought it was a horrible call and he couldn't believe it, but when you are going for a rebound and you put both your forearms into the other guy's face they are going to call that. It was basically a UFC move.

Also I am not sure that the Hayward kid isn't a douche too. Apparently he had a busted lip from the other night, but I think it was herpes. Also he always has a look on his face like he is going to do something super awesome, but he never really did. I'm willing to give him the benefit of the doubt, but he is in the running for second biggest douche. Singler is in the running too. I can't figure that kid out.

So I am not sure who the second biggest douche was, but I am sure who the biggest douche was.

In baseball news opening day happened. The Pirates reached their peak already. It is downhill from here boys. Jason Heyward homered and made Beth wet. Iron Head also wept from the great beyond.

In gold news Tiger answered a ton of stupid questions. I hate the media. They asked him about HGH and when he said he didn't take that they just kept asking until they found a pill he did take. Now we are going to hear that he was abusing ambien and percoset. They'll make that story up. I do find it hard to believe that he had trouble sleeping though...I mean if he was fucking that many people he should have been pretty tired.

I think I am looking forward to Transformers 3. I like those movies.

Monday, April 05, 2010

2010 AL Preview

For the last few days, I was trying to find a way to do this where it didn’t just sound like “Yankees and everyone else”. That’s too easy. Everyone is saying that, too. Which means it probably won’t happen. The team is loaded, and they’ll score a bought*load of runs, but who knows? That’s why they play the game. They’ll be some surprises, for sure. Are the A’s too trendy of a pick to be the surprise team? Is O:FB still running strong? Do the Rays’ youngsters have what it takes to win the toughest division in the AL? Here is one guy’s version of how things will play out…


Texas Rangers (91-71)
Lots to like about this team. They have NELSON! Young studs like Andrus, Kinsler, Borbon, and Chris Davis. Michael Young will get his 200 hits. Vlad has something to prove, and he’s got a nice little league park to hit in now. The pitching staff just has to keep them in games because they’ll score a lot of runs. Feldman is gonna be solid, Harden will strike a lot of guys out, but the starting rotation is pretty shaky as a whole. The bullpen is good. If they can keep Josh Hamilton and Ron Washington away from the nose candy, they should have no problem winning this division.

California Angels (84-78)
Lots of CHANGE in Anaheim over the winter, thanks Obama! Lackey, GONE! Vlad, GONE! Chone, GONE! They’ve added Matsui, and that’s about it. Call me crazy, but I don’t think the losses outgain the additions by that much. They still have decent rotation with Weaver, Saunders, and Santana, but the bullpen is probably the biggest weakness for them.

Oakland A’s (81-81)
Young team, probably too young to know they’re not that grate*. They do have some talent, though. The success of their season is obviously going to hinge upon how healthy their starting pitching is. With Douche* and Sheets, you don’t really know what you’re gonna get. I guess they’re like the opposite of a box of chocolates. Brett Anderson and Andrew Bailey are solid young pieces of their pitching staff, though. Bailey just needs to stop playing tennis and focus on beisbol.

Seattle Mariners (74-88)
This team is way overrated. They’re going to challenge the Mess for the most dollars spent per win this year. Milton Bradley has been a headache everywhere he goes, but somehow it’s always the team’s fault. The problem with him is that he doesn’t have as much talent as everyone thinks. The only good thing about acquiring him, for Seattle, is that they got rid of that horrendous Carlos Silva contract. Ichiro is getting old, but he’ll still get his 200+ hits. Cliff Lee will be tight with the DL this year. Chone makes too much money for what he does. It’s going to be a long summer in the Pacific Northwest.

Chicago White Sox (95-67)
Loads of talent on the South Side. Beckham is gonna be a stud. Quentin is one of the best hitters in baseball when he’s healthy. The addition of Jake Peavy is going to take tons of pressure off of Buehrle and the youngsters Floyd and Danks. Peavy is coming off of some arm issues, but the guy’s only 28 years old. Huge addition by the Sox last year.

Minnesota Twins (88-74)
I was going to put the Twins lower than this after Mauer signed his deal because he wasn’t playing for a contract anymore, but then I realized that it’s Joe freaking Mauer and it doesn’t matter if he’s playing for a contract. Dude can ball. I have no clue what kind of park Target Field is. Does it have a jet stream going to the gaps like Yankee Stadium? Is it a pitcher’s haven like Petco Park? All I know is that the best home field advantage in sports is gone. But they have enough talent to overcome that.

Detroit Tigers (81-81)
I don’t really like the trade they made in the off-season. I know that Granderson isn’t the prototypical leadoff guy, but he is what made that offense go. They’re going to miss him more than people realize. Scherzer is a good young arm, but guys who go from the NL to the AL usually struggle a little bit with the adjustment to not having an automatic out every time through the order. The only positive thing they did with that trade was that they were able to unload Edwin Jackson when his value was at its highest. He’s not that good, that’s why he was a “top” prospect with LA and TB for years.

Kansas City Royals (74-88)
What can I say? It’s the Royals. They’ll probably have a decent start and have people thinking that they’ll be able to compete for the division title, then July will get here and they’ll start fading and then become sellers at the trade deadline. Kansas City Royals is Greek for “Groundhog Day”.

Cleveland Indians (62-100)
Real bad team in Cleveland. They have some young talent but that talent isn’t ready to compete in the Show yet. Carlos Santana is a stud, but he’s probably going to spend half the season in the minors. They really don’t have any pitching. Their bullpen isn’t that good. I feel bad for Grady Sizemore. He’s wasting away his best years with a horrible team. People in Cleveland won’t even know this team exists this summer because all they’ll be talking about is Lebron.

New York Yankees (94-68)
This is Phil Hughes’ year to prove that he’s not the next Todd Van Poppel. My guess is that he’s the next Edwin Jackson. He’ll put up 12-13 wins this year with a low 4-ERA and they’ll trade him either at the trade deadline or in the off-season. There’s really not much to say about this team that people don’t already know. They have tons of O-fence, the starting pitching is a solid A, and the bullpen is pretty solid now that Joba is back to a setup role.

Tampa Bay Rays (91-69)
This team will be good for a long time. Tons of talent under 30 years old. They upgraded the closer role so that last year’s “closers” can return to their normal setup roles. Carlos Pena is available in the Y! league, though.

Boston Red Sox (89-73)
Three letters – O:FB. That is all. The starting pitching on this team is aging faster than mize. I do like the addition of Mike Cameron. But trotting Ortiz and Varitek out there every day is a sad sight. Put those guys out of their misery, Old Yeller style.

Baltimore Orioles (70-92)
They should be better than last year, but that’s not saying much because they were horrible. Matusz is a grate* young arm. But, except for Tejada, they are young like the A’s. They’re in the toughest division in beisbol, so they’ll probably suck for a long time.

Toronto Blue Jays (65-97)
This team will be bad, real bad. I wanted to play the Ewing Theory card here, but there is nothing to work with on this roster. If Cito Gaston was alive, there’s no way he would take the job as manager of these guys. Mitchell Friedman? Who are these fucking guys?

Divisional round: White Sox over Rays & Yankees over Rangers
ALCS: White Sox over Yankees
MVP: Mark Teixeira
Cy Young: James Shields
ROY: Austin Jackson

Sorry LP, the Dodgers ain't making the World Series.

Friday, April 02, 2010

2010 MLB Preview El Pad style

Let's just jump right into the NL East now, get it over with. Obviously I want to pick the Mets to win but I know that is crazy talk. And since I really can't stand the Phil**** I don't want to pick them to be first. But I have too based on paper. So, Phils, Mets/Braves (identical records), Marlins, Washington. Both the Marlins and the Nationals are no longer doormats, this has become a much more competitve league from top to bottom. Oh and since I have the Braves and Mets tied they will play a one game playoff to determine the Wild Card winner. Who wins, I don't know but one game playoffs are fucking suite and this is my preview. I'll cry if I want to. You would cry too if it happened to you.

Phil**** (92-70)
Fuck them. Loaded, blah blah blah. I hope Jimmy Rollins has Eazy E. AIDS and Shane Victorino dies in a hotel fire.

Mets (89-73)
The Mets have the system in place this year to sustain any major injury. Last year that was obviously missing. When Fernando Tatis gets 400+ at-bats shit just got real. This team has a strong bullpen, a good thing to have with a seemingly middle of the road Starting pitching. If Reyes is healthy all year and Beltran actually comes back without any setbacks how can one NOT like the lineup? To me the Mets season hinges on two key positions. The #2 starter (Mike Pelfrey) and the first base position (Dan Murphy). If these two find their way this year. I'll look like a genius.

Braves (89-73)
Bobby Cocks* swan song year. What stands out at first is the turnover from last years opening day lineup to this years. With little roster turnover. McClouth (mid season pickup), Prado (didn't start last year until later in the season), Glaus (1st base), Heyward (rookie) and lurking for the other corner spot is Matt Diaz and Melkey Cabrera. The Braves rotation is solid, if Jurjens can hold up they'll have a nice 1-4 rotation with Tim Hudson looking strong after Tommy John surgery. The Vazquez deal was smart, they have depth and knew Hudson would be back. The bullpen was upgraded when country boy Billy Wagner signed and Saito came over to set-up. This is a solid baseball team. The only question is can they generate enough offense night in night out to suceed.

Marlins (83-79)
Florida has some crazy talent on this team. Still a bit young and raw though. A whole 3 months of tape for pitchers to watch on Coughlin and Maybin. Botha are easily fooled with off speed pitches. Still some holes in the lineup and still a terrible fan base. They locked up Josh Johnson which was smart and signed Uggla for now. Hanley is a top 4 player and he carries them sometimes. It what makes them so damn pesty.

Nationals (75-91)
Sure they improved their pitching but what's with all the hubub. They still suck for the most part and play in a pretty good division. 57 games against that division. Stratsburg gonna light some bitches up though. So there's that. Honestly they are the best bad team in the national league. Moving on.

NL Central
No one else in this crappy division did anything to challenge the Cards. The Cubs core is a year older but they jettisoned Milton Bradley, here come the wins! The stros had the most confusing offseason I think of all the teams, the Pirates, you know the Pirates will lose 90+ again, and the Brewers signed Randy Wolf so there's that.

Cardinals (87-75)
The Cards gave Holliday the richest contract in Cards history and for good reason. To protect Pujols, that altered beast of a baseball player. With Holliday in the lineup Pujoles drew 72 fewer walks. Which means he mashed shit. Honestly the back end of the rotation is garbage but the core stars is one of the best in the bigs. Pujols, Holliday, Carp and Wainwright. That's enough to win the division.

Brewers (82-80)
Prince Fielder talk is gonna be crazy. They'll have to trade him if they can't agree on a deal past 2011. This makes Meiz sad. Dick weeks is a star. The rotation is Gallardo, Wolf, Doug Davis, Dave Bush and whoever, Suppan I guess when he comes back. Wolf knows how to pitch and Gallardo is talent but the rest cmon. That is a pu-pu platter of crap. If they can somehow keep Fielder and get serious about developing or acquiring some pitching they have a bright future. Unrelated I feel like I write in 82-80 every year for the Brewers. They are the Redskins of my MLB preview (I always pencil in the skins for 8-8 for some reason).

Reds (81-81)
The future is bright my friends. They are loaded with young arms and young hitters. Chapman, Bailey, Cueto, Volquez (mid summer) and Bruce, Votto, Stubbs. Shaping up to be a nice nucleus. Still too young to compete big time for this year but you gotta like the future in Cincy if you are a Red fan. And .500 is not bad after 9 straight losing seasons. The bullpen is very good, unbeknownest to the casual baseball fan they were the 3rd best (ERA) in the bigs and they have a very good infield defense with multiple gold glove winners.

Cubs (79-83)
The core of this team are all in their 30's with Derrick Lee being the best and also the guy playing for a contract. Injury concerns are there, Ramirez is having an awful spring. Zambrano looks like he might have a special year so there's that. I don't know, the roster to me seems mediocre. They have an impressive rookie in Colvin who forced them into keeping him as the 4th outfielder. The rotation is actually not bad. If the young guys get more of a shot, which I think they will once one of the big three go down with an injury or underperform, this team might actually get better. Average age of the opening day lineup is 32. WFT. And nobody is happy about Carlos Silva.

Astros (70-92)
Added expensive veterans, smat*. Brett Meyers yay! Fat Elvis is already on the DL and the only guy hitting is El Caballo. The rotation outside of Oswalt is horrendous and the bullpen is crap. The lineup is ripe with low OBP guys and has some weakness 6-8.

Pirates (66-96)
Well, they are young. They are hitting the pitcher 8th in the lineup. For more balance, says manager John Russel. Ok John. Good luck.

NL West
As long as Joe Torre is managing I'm picking his team to win the division. The Rockies hype, while warranted, is a bit much and the DBacks are still inexperienced and lack consistent offense. The Giants probably have the best pitching staff but have no power in their lineup. Nobody has won three straight NL West division titles since the Wild Card era but if anyone can lead their team to do so it's Torre.

Dodgers (90-72)
Best hitting outfield in the majors? Arguably. Kemp can be a super duper star if continues his pace, Ethier is a fine fine hitter and very handsome. Manny is Manny. Old but cmon, he can still rake and is playing for another payday. The bullpen is very good, possibly great and the rotation is pretty solid. I'm pretty sure Padilla is not a #1 but it seems like Torre is protecting his young guys from the pressure of that spot. And it's a deep rotation with 4 solid arms.

Rockies (87-75)
Like I said, the hype is warranted. They have a good club, mostly homegrown guys too. Which fans really appreciate. They might have the best infield with Stewart, Tulo, Barmes and Helton. Definetly not a team that beats themselves, very patient hitters, strong fielders and smart baserunners. But after Ubaldo who is awesome, the starting rotation is a bit weak, maybe one of the weakest in the NL west. Most people are picking the Rockies to win, and that scares Blue. It should, Rockies are best when no one sees it coming. Unrelated the Rockies signed Helton (37) through 2013. Wft.

D-Backs (81-81)
They have a really good lineup. Drew, Jackson, Upton, LaRoche, Reynolds, Montero, Kelly Johnson, Chris Young. Speed and power. Good mix here. Just a wee bit inexperienced and scored the 2nd least amount of runs last year. If I knew Webb was back or going to be back to 07' Webb I'd argue they could compete for a Wild Card spot with Colorado but I dont't know that. I also don't know who the fuck Billy Buckner is and he is the 4th starter. Ian Kennedy is young and was underwhelming as a Yankee and he is the 3rd starter. So that's not good. After Haren and Jackson there is some stench lingering.

Giants (75-87)
The pitching is there, as it was last year but the lineup is still weaksauce. I mean they signed Mark DeRosa and Aubrey Huff, combined age of 68 years old. Incremental sigining. They needed Holliday and should have did whatever necessary to get him. With Prince possibly on the market or Adrian Gonzo and the loaded pitching they have I'd seriously consider swinging something for these guys. They turned down alot of offers this past off-season to retain the young kids including Sanchez but if these guys are out there they should be all over it. Never waste pitching talent, too precious.

Padres (60-102)
Going to get ugly quickly. Adrian Gonzalez will most likely be gone by the deadline and they'll have to blow this team up. They do have some young talent so there is a base to build on.

I think it's a Dodgers/Yanks series cuz that's what I wanted last year.

Feel free to pick this apart.

Thursday, April 01, 2010

April Fools!!! Good Post, Freak.

Daaaaaaaaaaaaaamn. There has been way too much rain around here lately. State of emergency in RI. Bunch of road closures, failed damns, collapsing bridges in both RI and MA. Mother Nature is pissed, you. Worse* part of this all is that most homeowners in this area do not have flood insurance, so a lot of people will be paying for damages out of their own pockets. Ouch.

Joey Porter

Charges will not be filed against Joey Porter. I will never understand the way the justice system handles celebrities and athletes. Some people (Michael Vick, Plaxico Burress) get the book thrown at them, while others (Donte' Stollworth, Porter) get a slap on the wrist. Forget the suspicion of DUI for a second. How about the fact that he refused to cooperate with police officers and allegedly even slapped one's hand away? This is acceptable behavior? Ridiculous.

No kidding.

In a case of stating the obvious, the autopsy report was released today on the trainer who was killed at Sea World. The report "confirmed that a SeaWorld trainer killed after a 12,000-pound killer whale pulled her underwater died of drowning and traumatic injuries to her body, including her spine, ribs and head." Um, she was pulled underwater by a huge, freaking whale. It took 6 weeks to figure out how she died?

Playoffs, coming to a T.V. near you

NBA and NHL seasons are winding down. Playoffs will start soon. First round exits by the C's and Bruins soon to follow.

On a final note, is anyone else disturbed by the fact that Mr. Sulu is now doing Sharp commercials?

Good day to you all.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino