Tuesday, February 16, 2010

Tuesday, February 16th

I don't know what an international arrest warrant is, but it sounds bad. Maybe I should follow cycling some. I've never heard of a baseball, basketball, football, NASCAR or hockey guy getting an international arrest warrant out for them. And I am pretty sure nobody from there is gonna hack into any computer systems. Mr. T might, but that is just World of Warcraft to enhance his night elf mohawk, so it is OK.

Put me in the boat with the people who like the Winter Olympics better than the summer ones. Although some of the events I don't get. Like why have skeleton if it is just basically luge? And why does some guy pull out of the 500M speed skating thing to conserve energy? He is supposed to be one of the greatest athletes in the world and skating in the 500 is gonna wear him out?

One thing I don't get about the Olympics is the events that mix things that judges score with time. Like the skiing where they go downhill and do two jumps. I was watching that event and the last guy went. The announcers were all excited about his run and it was the fastest of them all. They were wondering if he got enough to take gold. They thought he would bump the Canadian off the gold. At worst he was getting silver. Then they announced his scores and he got 6th. WFT? Either the announcers have no clue how the judging really works or the sport is just weird.

Also I never get to watch the sport where they ski and then shoot things. That should be on in prime time. Screw pairs skating. Show me someone with a gun.

Let's change subjects slightly and talk about recent dreams I have had. First dream was that I was on security detail for the Winter Olympics. It was a pretty cool gig, but my assignment turned out to suck. I was in charge of keeping the Summer Olympians out of the Winter Olympics. Turns out that the Summer Olympians always try to sabotage the Winter Olympics, you know in my dream they do. Anyway, I pretty much foiled them all, they couldn't run past me because I had a gun. I shot the Bolt dude in the knee. Felt bad, but whatever, he shouldn't have been trying to mess with the Winter Olympics. The people that got me though were the pole vaulters. I couldn't stop those damn pole vaulters. But no worries, the Rock came in and saved the day. I said "thanks Rock" and he said "no problem Rook."

Another dream I had involved aliens taking over the world. Aliens came down secretly and injected everyone but me with this chip that allowed them to control everyone. It also kind of made everyone dumb and slow. Somehow they forgot to put a chip in me. So it was up to me to save the day. So what did I do? Well I decided that was too much work so I played along. I acted dumb and slow and then dominated. I'd do the manual labor during the day that the aliens wanted us to do, it was easy, then I would just destroy people in basketball and football and what not. I got to travel around to all the little working camps and play football against the other camps. My team always won because I just crushed everyone. I was so popular even the aliens liked me. So they let me have a dog. Then my dog took a piss on the alien's power supply and everyone woke up. So it turns out I saved the day, well my dog did, but I got credit for it. Nobody remembered that I spent all that time not saving them. So me and the dog were heroes. It was a good dream, my only regret is that I never tried to nail any hot women in the dream.

Lots of upsets in College Bball. Looks like filling out that tourney bracket could be fun.

Last time I checked Golf Picks they only had one guy from the A list entered in the event....wft?

One last comment on the Winter Olympics....in the Winter Olympics it seems like when an American gets bronze or silver they still did good. In the Summer Olympics anything less than gold is a failure. I'm not sure if that is good or bad. I do like seeing people from other countries win though. I don't think many people from the Netherlands win gold in the summer games. It is good to share the wealth a bit.

Finally I see El Tardo recycled an article from 5 years ago for his column....we should recycle some articles then too. We are just as cool as him. Next time someone needs a spot start we can just post something from 2007 or whenever this thing started.

OK this is long enough (TWSS). I'm done (TWSS).

351 comments:

1 – 200 of 351   Newer›   Newest»
Jugdish said...

It also kind of made everyone dumb and slow.


planet steve


s

Beth said...

"planet steve"

Hilarity.

Beth said...

"in the Winter Olympics it seems like when an American gets bronze or silver they still did good. In the Summer Olympics anything less than gold is a failure."

For what it's worth (insert as' comment here of "not much"), I read somewhere that the US is basically the only country that does the medal count by pure # of medals. That other countries consider the country with the most gold medals to be winning the medal count.

Beth said...

"Last time I checked Golf Picks they only had one guy from the A list entered in the event....wft?"

There are more there now, but I think I've only heard of about 10% of the guys on the supposed A list in this week's tournament.

Jugdish said...

shit...i need to do my golf picks



s

El Pad said...

anyone else rooting for one of those snowboarders to lose control and fly off the course?

El Pad said...

If you spent $50 at A&P and wiff a coupon in flyer you got to buy any Post cereal for .99

DET

El Pad said...

ended getting like 300 songs last night, found a torrent file

just weeding them out

Beth said...

"anyone else rooting for one of those snowboarders to lose control and fly off the course?"

Just the French guy in the final.

Jugdish said...

"anyone else rooting for one of those snowboarders to lose control and fly off the course?"



as long as they do it with grace and beauty.


/h

El Pad said...

yes, hilarious

Beth said...

Oh yeah, the H figure skating era is definitely going to be suite*

El Pad said...

"The NYC man whose been caring for approximately 75 wild chickens in the Bronx says he can’t afford the $180 a month he spends on cracked corn to feed them and wants to find a shelter for them, but it’s not looking good. A national farm rescue group said they’re “inundated” with live poultry at the moment and the birds will have to be tested for diseases before anyone considers taking them."

jimmy craked corn?

El Pad said...

hsilep's meathead bf cant wait to play quarters

i hate quarters

Meiz said...

and I don't care

El Pad said...

we are sophisticated adults, we dont play quarters anymore

what is this spring break

El Pad said...

although we are planning a wrestling match, hardcore rules

i will have someone video

tem said...

beer pong is the way to go.

El Pad said...

i love beer pong

i'm not a chugger guy though but i'm good at beer pong so it evens out

El Pad said...

we have these card games that are brutal too like

fuck the dealer
and fuck you

Steve said...

quarters is kinda a bore. a great drinking game is chess.

do a shot of beer for every piece you lose and everytime you get put into check. and vise versa.

El Pad said...

i dont know how to play chess

Meiz said...

What kind of person doesn't like playing quarters.

Besides, horse races are the way to go.

El Pad said...

wait a second, how the fuck do you know how to play chess

you cant even find a baseball

Meiz said...

"i dont know how to play chess"


You have got to be fucking kidding.

El Pad said...

havent played quarters since like 1999

El Pad said...

"You have got to be fucking kidding."


do i look like bobby fischer to you

chess wasnt exactly big growing up in bk

Meiz said...

Speed Quarters

Anchor man

Circle of death

Ace bong

Kings

El Pad said...

like everyone knows how to play chess

Steve said...

"You have got to be fucking kidding."


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

El Pad said...

wisconsin has mad drinking games

we just bought 40oz's and drank them in the schoolyards than wrote graffitti all over the school

tem said...

kings is fun

Meiz said...

"chess wasnt exactly big growing up in bk"


Don't they have permanent tables in the parks in NYC?

tem said...

and everyone should know how to play chess.

tem said...

i mean you don't have to be good at it, but you should know the rules.

Jugdish said...

beer pong is suite, flip cup is fun too

Meiz said...

Fuck the dealer

Presidents

Sink the Bismarck

Meiz said...

flip cup = boat races = tippy cup

Meiz said...

We can go all day with the drinking games

Steve said...

"kings is fun" "flip cup is fun too"


indeed. both quality games

Meiz said...

Golf

Meiz said...

Mexican

El Pad said...

"Don't they have permanent tables in the parks in NYC?"

yeah, old men and jews

El Pad said...

i know how to play bocchi

Meiz said...

"yeah, old men and jews"

No matter, everybody should know how to play chess

Meiz said...

"i know how to play bocchi"


How? you can't even spell it.

Jugdish said...

No matter, everybody should know how to play chess


king me!

/Lp

Jugdish said...

No matter, everybody should know how to play chess


king me!

/Lp

Jugdish said...

stupid conflicting edits

Steve said...

"king me!"


hilarity

Steve said...

"I'm all in"


/EP

Jugdish said...

Well its easy to win in chess when you NEVER MOVE YOUR BACK ROW!!!!



/Lp

Beth said...

"like everyone knows how to play chess"

To totally bastardize an Anchorman quote, even the guy on LOV who wears the helmet knows how to play chess.

El Pad said...

fuck chess

El Pad said...

other than LOV i dont know one person that plays chess

Spaceman Spiff said...

"i dont know how to play chess"

watch 'The Wire' and youll be set

da king stay da king

Jugdish said...

other than LOV i dont know one person that plays chess



i don't remember the last time i played chess, but i know how to play

tem said...

ra, r?

Spaceman Spiff said...

i dont play chess ever, never played an actual match or game or whatever its called, but i know how to play

Meiz said...

Spiff walled us

El Pad said...

"i dont play chess ever, never played an actual match or game or whatever its called, but i know how to play"

oh yeah

me too

Steve said...

"I really hate vaginas. I'm allergic to vagina," he tells Details. "But I can't say I had no idea, because it was a 12-hour shoot, so you kind of get the picture that these women are going to stay naked after, like, five or six hours."

Pattinson says he was thankful he was hungover during the ordeal, presumably because he had an excuse for not conversing with the models.



Meiz...is that you?

tem said...

so you do know?

Spaceman Spiff said...

"oh yeah

me too"

you were trolling?

El Pad said...

"oh yeah

me too"

you were trolling?"

no, i shoulda put an essssss

i like how you causally put it

i never played it in my life but i know how

i never jumped out of a plane but i know how too

El Pad said...

so you know the objective of the game is different than knowing how to play the game

El Pad said...

"trolling"

i chuckled

tem said...

he probably actually knows how to play. the rules are pretty straightforward.

6 piece types (i think), they have their own ways to move and you try to get the other guy's king. pretty simple stuff.

Spaceman Spiff said...

"i never jumped out of a plane but i know how too"

great point, suite comparison

s

Meiz said...

"so you know the objective of the game is different than knowing how to play the game"


Spiff is Asian. Spiff knows how to play.

tem said...

i've never found the g-spot, but i know how to.

/lp

Jugdish said...

6 piece types (i think), they have their own ways to move and you try to get the other guy's king. pretty simple stuff.


its not that simple tem. it is actually a thinking man's game. its takes a combination of smarts and strategy. its really a beautiful thing to witness.

/h

Spaceman Spiff said...

we got next

/H

Jugdish said...

we got next

/H



hilarity

Spaceman Spiff said...

elatardo nba trade value column up

El Pad said...

"6 piece types (i think), they have their own ways to move and you try to get the other guy's king. pretty simple stuff."

right so you know the objective but not actually how to play

got it

/keef

Keef said...

"Screw pairs skating. Show me someone with a gun."


You're retarded

/H

Keef said...

"For what it's worth (insert as' comment here of "not much")"


I've nerve* said that

El Pad said...

and it's 8 pieces and from what i know about it they all have different moves, like some pieces cant move diagnolly while some can

something like that

it's not just "capture the king", that's paintball

Spaceman Spiff said...

"from what i know about it they all have different moves, like some pieces cant move diagnolly while some can

something like that"

um we know

Jugdish said...

chutes and ladders


DET


/Lp

El Pad said...

thought chess was very strategic

you are all making it seem like checkers

tem said...

so el pad, does know more than he is letting on....holder outer.

Spaceman Spiff said...

"thought chess was very strategic

you are all making it seem like checkers"

it is, but just because a person cant play well doesnt mean they dont know how to play

El Pad said...

yous dont know shit

i know just as much as you when it comes to chess

fuck it i know how to play too

you have to move pieces strategically in order to check the king

boom

tem said...

"right so you know the objective but not actually how to play"

by the by, tem does know how to play.

El Pad said...

tem when i said i dont know how to play chess i meant I dont know how to play chess

i didnt say i dont know what chess is

Spaceman Spiff said...

"i know just as much as you when it comes to chess"

no one said you didnt

oh wait, you said you didnt

tem said...

but you do know how.

you just suck at it.

Spaceman Spiff said...

"you have to move pieces strategically in order to check the king"

no shit?

tem said...

or maybe you don't know. no matter.

the point is, that knowing how to play is not rocket science.

Jugdish said...

i know what the triple lindy is, i just can't execute it.

El Pad said...

well if you dont know now you know

Keef said...

"but i'm good at beer pong so it evens out"

of course

Keef said...

"and it's 8 pieces and from what i know about it they all have different moves, like some pieces cant move diagnolly while some can

something like that"

So you don't know how to play. Got it

Spaceman Spiff said...

i missed that, hilarity at incorrectly correcting the 6 to 8

Spaceman Spiff said...

so he wasnt trolling

Spaceman Spiff said...

but did start to at the end

Keef said...

"we are sophisticated adults, we dont play quarters anymore"
"although we are planning a wrestling match, hardcore rules"

That sequence made me lol

Keef said...

I love sequence. It's so sophisticated and lovely


/aitch

Keef said...

"although we are planning a wrestling match, hardcore rules"


It'll be like when King Kong Bundy rassled Lord Littlebrook. Are you gonna have a tag team partner?

El Pad said...

"i missed that, hilarity at incorrectly correcting the 6 to 8"

8 x 8 = 64

that's why i think it's 8

El Pad said...

"Are you gonna have a tag team partner?"

it's a one on one contest zeke

Keef said...

"8 x 8 = 64

that's why i think it's 8"

6 X 6 = 36. So it's 6

Spaceman Spiff said...

"8 x 8 = 64

that's why i think it's 8"

awesome

Keef said...

"awesome"

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

Jugdish said...

that's why i think it's 8...like checkers


/Lp

Keef said...

It's funny that the midget association is called LPA

El Pad said...

aren't there 64 squares on the board

Spaceman Spiff said...

yea but so what

Keef said...

"aren't there 64 squares on the board"


Yes

El Pad said...

ok so what

that's why i thought it was 8

if thats wrong then it's wrong

you make it like i pulled the # out of my ass, like oh it's 19 pieces

Keef said...

which pieces can move diagonally?

Spaceman Spiff said...

someone get EP a shovel to help dig

El Pad said...

6 piece types

now i see, i just lookt at tems comment, didnt read it

El Pad said...

"which pieces can move diagonally?"

Bishop from Juice

Keef said...

"Bishop from Juice"


And?

El Pad said...

Queens

Spaceman Spiff said...

8 still has no relevance, would have made cents* if you said 16

Spaceman Spiff said...

"Queens"

and?

El Pad said...

you have to admire chess players though, all the training and effort they put in to the sport is beautiful

/aitch

El Pad said...

"8 still has no relevance, would have made cents* if you said 16"

i comprehend now

Spaceman Spiff said...

jug already said that

El Pad said...

"Queens"

and?

your face?

king obviously

Spaceman Spiff said...

strike that from the record, all figure skating H jokes are welcomed

Spaceman Spiff said...

"king obviously"

and?

El Pad said...

"and?"

when a piece gets taken i assume you can say a pawn too

Steve said...

"and?"


EP has spent the last hour googleing the hell out of "how to play chess"

Spaceman Spiff said...

"EP has spent the last hour googleing the hell out of "how to play chess"

EP prefers the bible, as google embarrassed him during the bball HOF discussion

El Pad said...

"EP prefers the bible, as google embarrassed him during the bball HOF discussion"


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

wiki taught me how to play chess this morning

Meiz said...

Brandon Jennings concerns me

El Pad said...

his hightop fade concerns me

El Pad said...

your face also concerns me

Keef said...

"wiki taught me how to play chess this morning"

New event at the LOV picnic

El Pad said...

this wall concerns me

tem said...

"i missed that, hilarity at incorrectly correcting the 6 to 8"

i did see this, but just let it pass.

tem said...

time to read el tardo.

tem said...

but first i need to pee

Jugdish said...

i didn't think it was funny either!

/keef

tem said...

recent conversation:


old secretary: for my birthday i bought myself a fake leopard print blanket.

tem: what is fake leopard print?

os: you know, it is spotted like a leopard.

tem: oh, so you got a leopard print blanket?

os: no it is fake.

tem: so you are trying to tell me that the blanket you got is not made from a real leopard?

os: right.

Keef said...

Family Guy sucks

Keef said...

Oprah trying to wipe the birthmark off of Drew Brewers' face is hilarity

Jugdish said...

family guy sucks, but you're watching oprah is also hilarity

El Pad said...

oprah?

aitch? is that you?

El Pad said...

yes!

i smell a keef/oprah error

Keef said...

"family guy sucks, but you're watching oprah is also hilarity"

Or, I listen to Jim Rome and he talks about it

Keef said...

LP
YOu gonna do the NL preview?

Jugdish said...

Or, I listen to Jim Rome and he talks about it



doesn't matter, you shouldn't be talking about it clone

El Pad said...

"LP
YOu gonna do the NL preview?"

sure

Meiz said...

"New event at the LOV picnic"

definitely

El Pad said...

"A few months back the city confirmed its plans to turn its central post office into an extension of Penn Station, and now Sen. Charles Schumer says it's got a backer. The federal government is putting up $83.3 million for the conversion from mail center to rail center, which has been in the works for more than 15 years. According to the AP, the funds for Moynihan Station, as it's to be called, come from the American Reinvestment and Recovery Act. Schumer expects the project to create thousands of jobs and rev up the economy on Manhattan's west side."


nice, i like it

thanks obama

El Pad said...

i shaved with no shaving gel this morning, used soap

getow*

Steve said...

"nice, i like it

thanks obama"



::grabs chest...falls over::

El Pad said...

I DIG MY TOES INTO THE SAND
THE OCEAN LIKES LIKE A THOUSAND DIAMONDS STREWN ACROSS THE PLANE

El Pad said...

anything breaded with panko i want to use Duck Sauce to eat it along

must be the japanese thing
weird

El Pad said...

real talk

man that wears highwaters: excuse me but can I be frank for a minute?

me: No your john.

man that wears highwaters: (REAL LOUD) HAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHAH AW MAN THAT WAS FUNNY, HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA ::walks away::

wft

blue said...

and don't call me shirley

Spaceman Spiff said...

"THE OCEAN LIKES LIKE A THOUSAND "

is that how you sing it in real life

Spaceman Spiff said...

"STREWN ACROSS THE PLANE"

this part too

Keef said...

"sure"


NFW you can have the Mess winning the east

El Pad said...

blue plane

Spaceman Spiff said...

"anything breaded with panko i want to use Duck Sauce to eat it along

must be the japanese thing
weird"

anytime i eat tacos, i want to smother them in marinara

must be the mexican thing
weird

Keef said...

"this part too"

hilarity

Spaceman Spiff said...

"blue plane"

hilarity

close but the correct answer is blanket

Keef said...

"anytime i eat tacos, i want to smother them in marinara

must be the mexican thing
weird"


jilarity. Today is not one of LP's finer days

Keef said...

Or maybe it is

El Pad said...

"NFW you can have the Mess winning the east"

i'll be fair

JFreak said...

US curling team is sucking.

Hard.

El Pad said...

spring brings alot of optimism

El Pad said...

"jilarity. Today is not one of LP's finer days"

talking about

i'm fucking carrying this blog, we'd have 40 comments in without me defiling myself

El Pad said...

and yes i know duck sauce is not a japanese thing

El Pad said...

"anytime i eat tacos, i want to smother them in marinara

must be the mexican thing
weird"

and that sounds awful

JFreak said...

"i'm fucking carrying this blog, we'd have 40 comments in without me defiling myself"

Maybe that's not a bad thing.

El Pad said...

"hilarity

close but the correct answer is blanket"

hey spiff i'm just going off the top of my head, didnt know you represent Incubus

dont ruin the song for me

Keef said...

"talking about

i'm fucking carrying this blog, we'd have 40 comments in without me defiling myself"


Yes, you make everything you touch turns to gold, King Midas

Spaceman Spiff said...

"and yes i know duck sauce is not a japanese thing"

your previous statement was specifically worded to convey the exact opposite

just sayin

El Pad said...

"Maybe that's not a bad thing."

just make sure you vaccum before mom gets home

Keef said...

And yeah, that's how I say it in real life

El Pad said...

"Yes, you make everything you touch turns to gold, King Midas"

you would miss me tremendously

Keef said...

"dont ruin the song for me"


The words you were saying is not an actual song

Keef said...

women, they do get woolly

JFreak said...

"you would miss me tremendously"

You have yet to present the opportunity.

Spaceman Spiff said...

since we're on topic, is

'THESE LIGHTS WILL INSPIRE YOU'

how you sing it in real life

El Pad said...

"You have yet to present the opportunity."

Are you calling for my resignation?

Keef said...

Don't listen to freak. He just woke up

El Pad said...

he wants to duel

I'd rather be 18-1 said...

"i'm not a chugger guy though but i'm good at beer pong so it evens out"

When you claim to be good at everything that is ever brought up, it kinda shoots a hole in your credibility. Just sayin'

El Pad said...

"When you claim to be good at everything that is ever brought up, it kinda shoots a hole in your credibility. Just sayin'"

i'm not a chugger guy, didnt say i'm not good at it

why do you find chuggers to be graceful?

El Pad said...

i just made love

is a website

El Pad said...

article on the site

I'd rather be 18-1 said...

"I DIG MY TOES INTO THE SAND
THE OCEAN LIKES LIKE A THOUSAND DIAMONDS STREWN ACROSS THE PLANE"

Incubus sucks. EP's incorrect lyrics suck more.

El Pad said...

your face sucks

so does your city

I'd rather be 18-1 said...

"i'm not a chugger guy though but i'm good at beer pong so it evens out"

::nuff said::

I'd rather be 18-1 said...

"your face sucks

so does your city"

should I go with the obligatory your wife sucks me every time, or is that over the line?

I'd rather be 18-1 said...

USA Hockey up 1-0

JFreak said...

hope this is true

pretty funny.

El Pad said...

"i'm not a chugger guy though but i'm good at beer pong so it evens out"

::nuff said::

if i'm good at beer pong it would mean that I don't drink as much because i put my ball in their cup faster than they put it in mine

right?

lp 1
aitch 0

I'd rather be 18-1 said...

Apparently you just looked at my original comment and didn't read it.

I said that you say you're good at everything we talk about. You said "I'm good at beer pong"

What are you missing exactly?

I'd rather be 18-1 said...

*Carlos Mencia voice*

You're reeeeetarded!!

I'd rather be 18-1 said...

old

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