Friday, January 15, 2010

Divisional Weekend

I had a vivid Erin Andrews dream. And yes we fornicated. It was magic. Here's the setting, I was at this sporting event. I think it was a football game but I'm not really sure. My brain neglected that detail. But she wasn't there working she was chillin and she smiled at me and I smiled back. Bizarre I thought. So I was at concessions grabbing a cup of chilli and she was behind me, I noticed and told her to get whatever she wanted. After I swiped my AMEX gold card we started talking and she asked me back to her seat. The game is over and the crowd is letting out so we hop on this Disney like golf cart tram car thing (oh that's right it was ESPN the weekend) that takes us to her hotel. I ask if she would like a drink she says yes and some wings. I was taken aback. I love wings. So I order a Jack and Coke and she gets a glass of cabernet. We bullshit for awhile over wings and talk about our lives and then start making out. We are like Ricky Bobby and that girl in the glasses right now just all over each other, so she invites me upstairs and we had sex. Her hair smelled like a fairy tale. I lasted 3 minutes the first time and 27 minutes the second time (no condom, don't judge me). I came twice she came last. Then my daughters ice cold milk cup was shoved in my armpit so I woke up. The End.

If I didn't fucking wake up I definetely would have sported some Eggs Benedict at the hotel the next morning. I'm nice like that.

AZ +7 over New Orleans


How can I bet against the team that just dropped 51? You know what's funny. AZ during this playoff run they seem to be on are 4-0 ATS. Add to that a 8-2 ATS against teams with a winning record and you are looking at a winner winner here. ($200)
Anyway, the Cards played the late game Sunday and this week play the early game on Saturday? That makes sense?


Indy -6.5 over Baltimore


I'm ignoring all this "Colts haven't played in a month" crap for this one. The Ravens secondary is not as good as Tom Brady made them look. Manning is going to shit on them. Flacco is going to have to beat them because Indy is going to put 8 men in that box, it'll be up to Freeny and Mathis up front to put pressure on the 2nd year QB and we'll see how he'll respond. I think he'll fail and Indy will go up two scores late to seal it. ($300)


Minnesota -2.5 over Cowboys


I hope. I don't have great confidence in this pick but if the Vikings have one thing going for them it's #28 Adrian Peterson. Last week Philly didn't even fucking attempt to run the ball which is why I am always puzzled by media people saying Andy Reid is a genius. But whatever, Dallas is playing as well as anyone so they are going to be a tough out. With that dome cranked up to HIGH I can see Romo floating a pass or two into the purples hands. And Flozell Adams with about 11 false starts wont help either. ($100)


San Diago -7 over NYJ


I was all over the Jets at 9 but at 7? I wasn't born yesterday bookmakers. They want you to pound the Jets, moving the line down like that is sneaky and cruel. But I ain't new to this game I'm true to it. So I will go the other way even though I think the game will be tight. If there is a WR out there that will give Revis a problem it will be Vinny Jackson. Because he's fast and big. Not just fast, and not just big. Rivers is playing lights out too and Tomlinson is motivated, fully aware his career is coming to an end and he is ringless. ($250)

773 comments:

1 – 200 of 773   Newer›   Newest»
Steve said...

I had a dream about Beth a few days ago. She joined the Marines.

tem said...

sounds like a good dream.

good post freak.

Beth said...

"She joined the Marines"

Must've been a different Beth. That's about the last thing I would do - I'm bi, not les.

Beth said...

I like how even in his dreams ep can't last long the first time...

El Pad said...

her vagina was incredibly warm and gooey, either I really turned her on or she hadn't had any in a while

El Pad said...

3 minutes is an eternity raw dog after hardcore foreplay with a celebrity no less

blue said...

dear penthouse......

Beth said...

"3 minutes is an eternity raw dog after hardcore foreplay with a celebrity no less"

Romance, look it up!!!

El Pad said...

the wings were great by the way, a rarity for a hotel bar

Beth said...

I actually think I'd get along well with cmep from things ep has said about her. (ns)

And this time the ns stands for both non-sexual and no sarcasm.

El Pad said...

she is a nice lady

El Pad said...

the Situation got jacked up last night

Meiz said...

"I came twice she came last."


THIEF!

SKI MASK ALL-STAR!

CROOK!

El Pad said...

THIEF!

SKI MASK ALL-STAR!

CROOK!


Biggie smalls deke

I came twice she came last, roll the grass.

blue said...

so you didn't make that up?

i'm very ashamed of you

El Pad said...

I apologize.

/wally backman

Meiz said...

"Biggie smalls deke"

Oh, I hadn't realized.



S
S
S
S
S
s
S
S
S
S
S
S
S
S

El Pad said...

SKy's the Limit?

or something else?

El Pad said...

i like the Farve = Leno, Conan = Rodgers comparasion deke

Meiz said...

"SKy's the Limit?

or something else?"



I Got A Story To Tell

Meiz said...

"i like the Farve = Leno, Conan = Rodgers comparasion deke"


That's why I retweeted it

The Kods said...

"i like the Farve = Leno, Conan = Rodgers comparasion deke"


That's why I retweeted it

-Does that make Cutler Chevy Chase or Magic Johnson?

Beth said...

Text AND tweet buddies, how cute.

Steve said...

"Text AND tweet buddies, how cute."


we need to get them BFF bracelets.

blue said...

butt fucking friends?

El Pad said...

you know what's funny?

not steve

El Pad said...

the utar/cavs highligts are HDH

Steve said...

Meiz/EP

Meiz said...

"we need to get them BFF bracelets."


Too late. I ordered custom ones from Tiffany & Co last week.

El Pad said...

care bears

cute

Steve said...

Speaking of bustn balls.

A buddy of mine came over last night with his girl. She refered to his manhood as "fluffy".

Tonight is poker night, i'm gonna make a sign and put it on his chair that says "Reserved for Fluffy".

any other ideas?

blue said...

EP is the purple bear right?

Meiz said...

"A buddy of mine came over last night with his girl. She refered to his manhood as "fluffy"."


Oh no.


This is a boon, steve. It is your duty to assault this man non-stop.

Steve said...

"It is your duty to assault this man non-stop."


indeed

El Pad said...

"any other ideas?"

ask him what the capital of Thailand is, when he responds, Bankok, punch him in the fluffy

Meiz said...

This just seems like a little much

Meiz said...

Substitute words.


Dude, quit being a fluffy.

Meiz said...

I wish I was going on Ocho's bus trip.

blue said...

you gonna say that everyday mize?

Meiz said...

"you gonna say that everyday mize?"


Yes. Deal with it.

tem said...

i'm bored.

tem said...

minus well score yesterday

blue said...

that tractor was bad ass

El Pad said...

nerds love ruining things we love

El Pad said...

blue you can swing this, do it

The Kods said...

thanks for the "nerds" link EP; that was interesting (ns). I've wondered just how much of the 3 hour or so game is commercials; 1 hour wasn't too surprising....but only about 11 minutes of actual gameplay was

tem said...

yesterday:


K - 24

Z - 40

El Pad said...

tylenol recall

Meiz said...

Let Shannon Dunk

Meiz said...

This Marvin case is blowing up in Freak's face. Great rebuttal yesterday, Freak.

Meiz said...

EP

tem said...

11 minutes of actual playing time is not shocking.

they run about 125 plays per game and each take about 7 seconds.

that's about 14.5 minutes, but that isn't too far off from 11. if you change 7 seconds to 6 seconds and drop it to 110 plays then you are there.

tem said...

if you add in huddle time and players running off and on the field while the play clock is moving you get to well over an hour of playing time.

tem said...

that's why i never really understood why people think a player should be absolutely spent after playing football.

a starting receiver will run about 6 minutes worth of plays during a game and have about 30 minutes of running back to the huddle or off the field.

they'll do that over a 4hr span.

El Pad said...

temnerd

tem said...

don't get me wrong. they will be tired. but i suspect they are more tired after practice than after a game.

tem said...

if it wasn't such a violent sport people could play the game twice a week easily.

the collisions are far worse than the aerobics of it all.

The Kods said...

that's why i never really understood why people think a player should be absolutely spent after playing football.

kind of like mens tennis; especially at Wimbeldon where each point lasts about 3 or 4 shots on average

Meiz said...

Leno, sliced & diced all in one convenient location.

The Kods said...

I mean, even I was able to hang in D-II while smoking 2 packs a day and copious amounts of weed each day (granted it was only best of 3 sets, but still)

Meiz said...

"(granted it was only best of 3 sets, but still)"


Kod played women's tennis?

The Kods said...

I'm not a fan of Leno, but he is getting too much blame for all of this.
-he never wanted to leave his spot to begin with. NBC gave him the primetime show to keep him from switching networks (which would not have been an asshole move on his part...it would be perfectly logical).
-when it didn't work, they told him he could leave the network or go back to his old timeslot (which he never wanted to leave to begin with).
-What has he done that has been unfair to Conan or anybody else?
-The blame lies square on NBC execs, especially Zucker

The Kods said...

Kod played women's tennis?

haha; nah, they only do 5 sets in professional tennis. Even D-I mens tennis is best of three

The Kods said...

women do have to be in better shape than men in tennis though, especially at the professional level....it's more than just aces and 3 shot rallies

The Kods said...

funny enough; tennis is the only sport where the women's game is more fun to watch than the men's game (IMO)

Meiz said...

Yeah, men's tennis is awful to watch.

Meiz said...

Although Agassi's final match at the US Open was incredible to watch.

tem said...

"funny enough; tennis is the only sport where the women's game is more fun to watch than the men's game (IMO)"

beach volleyball

blue said...

lingerie football

Jugdish said...

After I swiped my AMEX gold card and it was deckined so she picjed up the tab, we started talking and she asked me back to her seat.



fixed

Jugdish said...

declined

The Kods said...

beach volleyball

for sure; although I didn't know they even had men's beach volleyball

Jugdish said...

jeebus...gotta wake up

tem said...

yeah they played it in top gun.

Meiz said...

"beach volleyball"

We were talking about the actual style of play.

tem said...

i wonder if el pad got beyind eas3d with EA...or whatever it is.

Meiz said...

"for sure; although I didn't know they even had men's beach volleyball"


Stop it.

tem said...

"We were talking about the actual style of play."

irregardless i sit by my comment.

Jugdish said...

yeah they played it in top gun...great scene


/tp


fixed

The Kods said...

technology has progressed too far for men's tennis. 150 mph + serves are rediculous; would be more fun to watch if they had to use the old school wooden rackets...or at least pre-1990 aluminum rackets

tem said...

it'd be more fun if it weren't tennis.

The Kods said...

good point; to me, tennis is a lot of fun to play, and not that much fun to watch

Jugdish said...

block

Meiz said...

"technology has progressed too far for men's tennis. 150 mph + serves are rediculous; would be more fun to watch if they had to use the old school wooden rackets...or at least pre-1990 aluminum rackets"


Tennis is the only sport where I agree with this sentiment.

El Pad said...

it'd be more fun if it weren't tennis.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

The Kods said...

Tennis is the only sport where I agree with this sentiment.

same here

Jugdish said...

wall


/keef

Meiz said...

block

blue said...

dong?

/EP

El Pad said...

it's busy

i'm not happy

Jugdish said...

block

Steve said...

Punky Brewster Grew Up

Spaceman Spiff said...

block

Kevin said...

"K - 24

Z - 40"


So fake blocks don't really count against you. Got it

Jugdish said...

wall


/keef

Kevin said...

Centsports 4-teamer...

AZ +7
SD -8
Dal +3
Bal +7

Meiz said...

El Tardo up

Jugdish said...

block

Steve said...

haha

this may be Stevefast but it's to good not to post.

Floor collapses at Swedish Weight Watchers clinic

Jugdish said...

block

blue said...

didn't punky brewster have to get breast reduction surgery?


and she was on a classic SBTB

Peter said...

A friendly reminder:

Viking/Cowboys Sunday 1:00pm EST.

Spoiler Alert:

Vikings win 27-21.

ToddPacker said...

"yeah they played it in top gun."

top gun sucks

ToddPacker said...

pete is back

ToddPacker said...

"Leno, sliced & diced all in one convenient location."

nice link, meiz

blue said...

"Vikings win 27-21."

sounds like a giant homer making that prediction

blue said...

hahaha peter griffin = giant Homer

or Giants homer...caps make all the difference

ToddPacker said...

maybe pete is a smat jets fan

Kevin said...

Just drove past a car with a FARVLVR license plate

Steve said...

"didn't punky brewster have to get breast reduction surgery?"


that's a damn shame.

blue said...

what about farve's liver?

El Pad said...

"sounds like a giant homer making that prediction"

good call, it is a homer prediction

Peter said...

"maybe pete is a smat jets fan"

Jets are a cursed franchise. Namath sold his soul and the future of the entire franchise to the devil in exchange for his SB win.

I likes the vikes...which has been another lackluster franchise...but whatever.

ToddPacker said...

"what about farve's liver?"

i was thinking the same thing

ToddPacker said...

"I likes the vikes...which has been another lackluster franchise...but whatever"

kod will be happy

ToddPacker said...

"Jets are a cursed franchise. Namath sold his soul and the future of the entire franchise to the devil in exchange for his SB win"


just like haiti

The Kods said...

kod will be happy

-One of the few Vikes predictions I've read all week; good call Peter

JFreak said...

Zucker once had Conan arrested.

The Kods said...

Centsports 4-teamer...

AZ +7
SD -8
Dal +3
Bal +7

-funny; that is the complete opposite of my 4-teamer (ns)

The Kods said...

Spoiler Alert:

Vikings win 27-21.

*I say 34-17

ToddPacker said...

"i had a dream" post so close to MLK day.... nice work, ep

Peter said...

"Spoiler Alert:

Vikings win 27-21.

*I say 34-17"

I wish! I really realllly wish!

ToddPacker said...

vikes 38
cowboys 20

El Pad said...

my favorite team is any team that beats the cowboys so it's all good

farve will fail in the nfc championship game anyway

Peter said...

u/o = 47
The trend seems to be OVER.

Saints/Cards u/o = 57. This game stays under. People are going to be using last weeks 96 point game as their "lock it up" bet - but - conventional wisdom means nothing against when you go toe to toe with the book.

Steve said...

"conventional wisdom means nothing against when you go toe to toe with the book"



welcome to LOV

Peter said...

"farve will fail in the nfc championship game anyway"

I think you hate Favre bc I love Favre.

I wish he'd shave that dumb gray beard though.

The Kods said...

"NBC executive Dick Ebersol trashed Conan O'Brien in a provocative interview with the New York Times' Bill Carter, calling Conan an "astounding failure" and saying his jokes about Jay Leno have been "chicken-hearted and gutless."

Ebersol, the chairman of NBC Universal Sports and NBC's Olympics guru, lit up on Conan just after his boss, NBC Universal President Jeff Zucker, reportedly threatened to keep Conan off the air for 3.5 years."

-and yet Conan fans seem to direct most of their venom at Jay; go figure

ToddPacker said...

"conventional wisdom means nothing against when you go toe to toe with the book."

best way to beat the book is to buy picks from ebay

Kevin said...

"just like haiti"

Stop it. Haiti nerve* won the SB

ToddPacker said...

"-and yet Conan fans seem to direct most of their venom at Jay; go figure"

jay deserves it

Kevin said...

"-and yet Conan fans seem to direct most of their venom at Jay; go figure"

It's because Leno is a Giants* douche so he's an easy target

Kevin said...

DOUBLE DRAGON!

blue said...

farve has never beaten the cowboys in the playoffs...he's like 0-3...so the 'boys got that going for them

The Kods said...

jay deserves it

why? He's not very funny...but he hasn't done anything wrong in all of this IMO; it's NBC execs who fucked everything up, not Jay

Kevin said...

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

best way to beat the book is to buy picks from ebay

Steve said...

"and yet Conan fans seem to direct most of their venom at Jay; go figure"

i read this morning that Conan is getting a buy out check and they are gonna let him work anywhere he wants.

That's a smart move (if true) the longer this drags out the uglier Leno/NBC will look.

Kevin said...

"farve has never beaten the cowboys in the playoffs...he's like 0-3...so the 'boys got that going for them"


law of averages

/steve

The Kods said...

farve has never beaten the cowboys in the playoffs...he's like 0-3...so the 'boys got that going for them

you serious? The Vikes beat the Cowboys in the 1998 Divisional round...is that relevant too?

blue said...

so they cancel his shitty show, and he keeps his job...that makes no sense


fire him

/blue

Kevin said...

Conan is gonna be the new host of the Arsenio Hall show

ToddPacker said...

"why? He's not very funny...but he hasn't done anything wrong in all of this IMO; it's NBC execs who fucked everything up, not Jay"


track record, kod.... jay is a huge dirtbag

blue said...

farve wasn't on that team in 1998..how'd that season turn out for the vikes anyway?


gary anderson....ouch

Steve said...

"but he hasn't done anything wrong"

i don't know about that. nobody really knows all the details but this is the second time he's thrown somebody under the bus to get ahead.

I'm not entirely hating him for it, nigga gots to get paid, but still, he's a dick.

Kevin said...

they should bring back Jack Parr

/TP

Spaceman Spiff said...

"didn't punky brewster have to get breast reduction surgery?"

chose to, sure they caused her pain and messed with her mentally but cmon! look at them bad boys!

another low quality pic of the bazongas

The Kods said...

track record, kod.... jay is a huge dirtbag

why? Because NBC forced him out of the Tonight Show? Because NBC gave him the primetime show to keep him from switching networks? Because they cancelled his show and told him he would have to take his old timeslot back (that he never wanted to give up in the first place)? Or because NBC execs went with him instead of Letterman (where Leno solidly beat Dave in the ratings for over a decade)?

-what dirtbag moves has he done? Again, I'm not a fan of his show and I don't think he is funny....but I don't see anything he has done wrong

Meiz said...

"gary anderson....ouch"


That stings

The Kods said...

farve wasn't on that team in 1998..how'd that season turn out for the vikes anyway?


gary anderson....ouch

-yeah, good thing we aren't playing the Falcons this weekend; by your logic, we'd be d-u-n

Steve said...

"look at them bad boys!"



daaaaammmmmmnnnnnn!!!!!

Kevin said...

kod is in full defense attorney mode now

Kevin said...

this weekend is the 1st anniversary of my bach party

Steve said...

"Because NBC forced him out of the Tonight Show?"

they did not force him out of the Tonight Show. he announced years before his "retirement" that he was handing the show over to Conan in 09.

blue said...

vikes 13 cowboys 38


lock it up

Meiz said...

Had a friend in HS that had to get a breast reduction. Even after, she still had huge tits.

blue said...

farve 3 ints sacked 4 times and 1 fumble lost

blue said...

"Had a friend in HS that had to get a breast reduction. Even after, she still had huge tits."


deluxe?

ToddPacker said...

"-what dirtbag moves has he done? Again, I'm not a fan of his show and I don't think he is funny....but I don't see anything he has done wrong"


i get a lot of my leno hate from stern. they have been feuding for years. stern has lots of leno stories... huge dirtbag.

also nbc didn't just pick him over letterman.... he weaseled his way into that job and weasels are awful

Kevin said...

"he weaseled his way into that job and weasels are awful"

I take offense to that

/LP

The Kods said...

also nbc didn't just pick him over letterman.... he weaseled his way into that job and weasels are awful

-I know Carson wanted Dave to take over, but I'm not sure how he weasled himself into it. He showed NBC that they were right to pick him (at least until this past year he did)

tem said...

"So fake blocks don't really count against you. Got it"

it is possible that they could have been blocking a natty or premie run by you.

The Kods said...

they did not force him out of the Tonight Show. he announced years before his "retirement" that he was handing the show over to Conan in 09.

from what I've read, NBC pretty much forced him to give the show over to Conan years before; he didn't want to leave, but he wanted to "retire" as opposed to being forced out

Kevin said...

"it is possible that they could have been blocking a natty or premie run by you."

how many pts did the 8 comments in a minute get?

The Kods said...

but of course there are two sides to every story; I guess not many know what really happened (and it could turn out that Jay was a dirtbag...I've just read contrary opinions about that, that I personally find more believable)

Steve said...

from what I've read, NBC pretty much forced him to give the show over to Conan years before; he didn't want to leave, but he wanted to "retire" as opposed to being forced out
January 15, 2010 1:20 PM"

Here is my link where is yours?

'In 2009, I'll be 59 years-old and will have had this dream job for 17 years,'' Leno said in a statement. ''When I signed my new contract, I felt that the timing was right to plan for my successor, and there is no one more qualified than Conan. Plus, I promised [my wife] Mavis I would take her out for dinner before I turned 60.

El Pad said...

"from what I've read, NBC pretty much forced him to give the show over to Conan years before; he didn't want to leave, but he wanted to "retire" as opposed to being forced out"

who gives a fuck letterman is funnier than both of them put together

tem said...

"how many pts did the 8 comments in a minute get?"

is that the one that went over bold/new?

it was 4. 2 premies. but if it is the one that went over bold/bnew it was 8.

Kevin said...

"who gives a fuck letterman is funnier than both of them put together"


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Kevin said...

"it was 4. 2 premies. but if it is the one that went over bold/bnew it was 8."


It's 5 premies, judge. 1-4, 2-5, 3-6, 4-7, 5-8

Kevin said...

I'm ratarded

El Pad said...

la tech Dooley to coach UT

Kevin said...

that's not an aplogy

Kevin said...

that's how ISIIRL

Kevin said...

"la tech Dooley to coach UT"

Remember when UT was relevant? Noone wants that job now

El Pad said...

keef just rely on your humor

s

Kevin said...

Jesus, even the Dook coach turnt it down

tem said...

"It's 5 premies, judge. 1-4, 2-5, 3-6, 4-7, 5-8"

why have you not used this argument before when you did 5 in one minute? that'd be 2 premies.

tem said...

but it isn't.

Meiz said...

It is absolutely dead at work today. You'll never guess who walked in the door and started frantically running around like a headless chicken, raving about how busy and crazy it is.

Kevin said...

"keef just rely on your humor

s"


I'm changing my strategery as of right now

tem said...

"Remember when UT was relevant? Noone wants that job now"

even that free apartment i was pitching didn't pull people in.

Kevin said...

"why have you not used this argument before when you did 5 in one minute? that'd be 2 premies."

I didn't think of it until last night

ns

tem said...

". You'll never guess who walked in the door and started frantically running around like a headless chicken, raving about how busy and crazy it is."

dummy?

Kevin said...

"It is absolutely dead at work today. You'll never guess who walked in the door and started frantically running around like a headless chicken, raving about how busy and crazy it is."


Harry Wendlestedt

Kevin said...

I butchered that name

Kevin said...

that's probably not even the umpire that goes there

Meiz said...

"Jesus, even the Dook coach turnt it down"

He didn't take it because he's not a dick. And Duke football is on the upswing.

tem said...

"I'm changing my strategery as of right now"

you have a strategy?

Kevin said...

"even that free apartment i was pitching didn't pull people in."

I guess your units aren't as nice as you pitched

tem said...

today at lunch i pretended that i thought obama fixed the entire economy and was the smartest person alive.

Kevin said...

"And Duke football is on the upswing."


Exactly. But Dook at its peak is <<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<< than Tennessee at its peak

tem said...

it pissed off the republican lawyer a lot. good times.

Kevin said...

"you have a strategy?"


I do now

tem said...

"But Dook at its peak is..."


dook hasn't reached its peak yet, so nobody knows.

Kevin said...

"it pissed off the republican lawyer a lot. good times."

You should email a copy of your transcript to him in Microsoft Word

tem said...

what is your strategy?

Kevin said...

that'll really piss him off

Kevin said...

but AJA, it's probably a pipe dream

tem said...

"You should email a copy of your transcript to him in Microsoft Word"

i might do that.

tem said...

block

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