Brady locked it up

I think Brady married Gisele. No way his focus will be soley on footyball. Operation Fuck Boston is still growing tentacles. HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA.

Brady = Keef?

So the answer to my question, Who gets married on a Thursday?, is Tom Brady and Keef As. Cool.

So Manny says no to the Dodgers again. This is a travesty. What Scott Boras is doing to the game is far worse than what steroids has done to the game. The guy drove Manny out of Boston, and is now ruining the guy's chance to play in 2009. Serious this guy is a cancer for baseball. The only team interested in Manny is the Dodgers, the latest offer (2 years 45MM) was fair considering Manny had the player option to return in 2010. But no. Boras advised against it. If Ari Gold and Satan's wife had a torrid affair and spawned a lovechild his name would be Scott Boras. And it's no coincidence his last name ends with a AS.

Other than that Spring baseball has been going well. I particularly enjoy this time of year as everyone turns into a little leaguer again. Another week or so and College Basketball will get real and before you know it were looking at opening day.

In keeping of the baseball theme I'll review "The Yankee Years" by Joe Torre and Tom Verducci. This book is pretty cut and dri, it's about the NY Yankees. It's about the time he caught A-Rod masturbating on the back of Jeter. He recalls the clubhouse always smelling like butthole mixed with semen. He mentions how Giambi would walk around with a gold thong on and all the guys laughing because his balls were so tiny even in a thong you barely saw a bulge. He mentions that he wanted to french kiss Mariano Riveria after every save and how he loved Jorge Posada so much he would bat him clean-up even if he was in the midst of a 0-98 streak. He recalled Wells being drunk and fat and lazy. He recalls Reggie Jackson still thinking it's 1972 and bringing hoards of women to the clubhouse (which was frowned upon). In closing he suspects all the Yankees will die of AIDS real soon because of all the buttfucking that went on. I hated this book. I think it was the worst book I ever didn't read. Please don't buy it.

It gets 0 ( %).


Weekend advice : Scotch.

Happy Wedding Day

In honor of one of our own getting married, today's videos will be about weddings.

Also, some sports happened.

people falling


people fainting


Congrats. Here's to many happy years.

Escrow Sux.

I've got too much to do so this is going to be a short post.

Marvin Harrison got released. There are rumors flying around that he will end up signing with the Eagles, because A. He's from the area and B. the Eagles receiving corp BA-LOWS. I don't think Philly is going to spend $6-8 million on him when they can get younger guys who are still in their prime for the same money, and who's last name rhymes with Shousemanshotta.

Vernon Wells is going to miss 2 weeks with a strained hamstring. I mention this because it's the same hamstring that caused him to go on the DL last year. How long does it take to get over a strained hamstring? He is crazy good when he's healthy, but lately, that hasn't been too often. The Jays signed exactly nobody in the offseason, so they're really making that commitment to be competitive in the AL East. Take a look at their depth chart. I don't recognize half of the names on that list. Travis Snider and Kevin Millar are battling for the DH spot, huh? Good luck with that. Some dood on ESPN's MLB site said that they won't trade Halladay this year, but in a year or two when they still totally suck, they'll probably move him for a ton of prospects. I can see that happening.

Starbury is officially no longer part of the Knicks organization. I like how he waited until he got paid about 7/8 of his contract before he decided to forfeit some cash to get the hell out of there. That was his plan all along. March 1st is the deadline to be on a roster to be able to play in the playoffs, so it was basically forfeit $2 million or wait until free agency. See? The recession does not discriminate, it can strike anyone, anywhere at anytime. So, since no one wants him on their team for an entire season, at least he gets a chance to try and win a championship with the Celtics before he ships off to Italy to end his career. Good luck with the locker room cancer, Doc.

Celtics also might sign Mikki Moore. Have I ever mentioned how much I hate Boston?

I'm sure everyone's seen this, but I am going to end with Devin Harris' crazy halfcourt buzzer beater:

Thanks Obama

It's really just that time of the year. Nothing is really going on in the world of sports. Football is over and the draft talk hasn't quite ramped up yet, NBA is in the lull before the playoff races really heat up, college bball is in the lull before the conference tourney's start and MLB is too early in spring to talk much about. I wish Arena Football was playing this year.

So what should I discuss today? Hell I don't know...and when you don't know what to do you go to the mini-mailbag....and then a movie review.


Gary (Towers, IA) - Tem, what's up with A-Rod? Is he a juicer?

Gary, read a paper you nimrod or go to the WWL.

Juan (Damneck, TN) - Is temgagement still in the urban dictionary?

Yes

Greg (Instrument, TX) - When is the best time to wrangle a threeway with the lady?

Hmm, first try when she is drunk....then try when she is unconscious.


Doug (Columbus, OH) - OSU basketball has about 6 or 7 players who are good enough to see the court, why don't they add T. Pryor to that mix?

Good question, Pryor was a good Hike School player and could definitely help the Buckeyes right now. My theory is that Tressel won't let him even look at a basketball court until he learns how to throw a football. Don't hold your breath on that happening ever....of course this brings up a question from me. If Pryor did play hoops would his scholarship count against the hoops team? If not then why doesn't Duke, who sucks at football just waste a few football scholarships on some basketball players. They could sign some kids to ride the pine in football and then they just happen to play basketball too.



tem movie review:

Race to Witch Mountain


This movie is the much anticipated sequel to that Speed Racer movie that bombed. Everyone likes sequels to movies that bombed in the first place. Wait, no, that's backwards...why would they make a sequel to such a shitty movie? Well I'll tell you why, because they were bored. Yep, bored. Look we know the people who made this movie are men because the movie is not a tasty food of some kind so a woman did not make it. And men do things for 1 of 4 reasons, 1) to get laid, 2) because it's sports related, 3) to get laid and 4) because they are bored. This movie is not sports related, even though it is about a race, I guess. And this movie is not getting the men who made it laid, so it must be because they were bored.

Well the movie was boring too. The only good part of the movie was when the main character didn't know which mountain to race to. He says "Race to which mountain?" and his monkey buddy says "yeah speed, witch mountain." and then the dude says "no, which mountain?" and the monkey says "yeah witch mountain." This goes on for about 5 minutes, pretty solid writing actually.

Anyway, the speed racer guy gets to witch mountain first and wins. The end.

1 helmet sticker out of 5.

My last post being able to check the "Single" box

What a terrible weekend. No really, just awful. Saturday afternoon was spent helping cfsil move, Saturday night was spent unloading boxes at our house and trying to get everything set because we have company staying here this week & the rehearsal dinner is at our house. Sunday spent 9 hours cleaning the old house. And Sunday night involved our softball team getting blown out in 2 games. Just a weekend to forget.
LIKE, WOE

Some suite lip balm. Using the code operationbaconsalt will get you 50% off. Get some for the whole family. No, do it. Now.

Saturday night fmk & I were hanging out and watching that Investigation Discovery channel. If you haven't watched it yet, it's a pretty suite channel. It's kind of like a 24 hour Dateline NBC channel. But every time there was a commercial break, there would be a commercial for this product. It is SFW, but WFT? We watched this channel for about 3 hours and I saw this commercial at least 20 times. NS I'm watching the channel right now and they are having some Secrets of 9/11 show and they just had that commercial again. Jeezaloo

I saw zero minutes of sports this weekend, so I won't even try to give any updates. Go to a sports website. However, I did catch the midnight edition of SportCenter on Saturday night and The Coach is apparently one of the anchors now. Kinda lame, I think that guy is a douche.

I guess all of rev's in-laws were at the Oscar's tonight. Good for them. They're having a curry party at the Kodak Theater tonight. Sorry kod, that wasn't PC. I apologize.

Junior was too old for the Braves, so they signed Garret Anderson

Dwight Howard has a suite outside jump shot, too

That's all I have. I'm tired.

Not really sports but read me

Golf fans Tiger is back next week.
Leach got over himself and signed with Tech. Not sure if it was the same deal, too lazy.

Do bank robbers get to keep their money? It's time to give baseball's real MVPs their loot. - Rick Reilly
Is anyone gonna step up and assassinate this man? (Hi F.B.I)

So at the dinner I was at last night we had a rookie from Morgan Stanley coming and my cousin works there with a couple of other guys I know. So they tell him that he has to say something after the guest speaker talks. That he has to stand up and say a few words. He was panicking, all night. Asked me and I was like yeah, all rookies have to do that once. It's like a fraternity, and this is a little initiation. Dude was so scared. So you can see the angst on his face during the speech and as it's coming to the end he looks to all of us and we nod. At that point we weren't going to let him do it because it was all a big hoax but he jumped up so fast we couldn't stop him now, this is what he said: "Sir, that was a terrific speech and thank you very much. Enjoy your dinner". The whole room went dead silent. And all of us did the laugh under our coat lapel thing where if you had any liquid it would have come out your nose. So the speaker picks up on it and says, "Ah, first time huh". And the room erupts with laughter. We later told him that we weren't going to let him do it but he didn't give us a chance. It was hilarity.

My cousin ended up going out after and I got a text at 2am saying he was sitting in VIP with Chris Bosh and his entourage. I will confirm this story later today.

Book review:

"Moneyball", I know this is old but if you haven't read it before I am here to tell you what it's about. Moneyball is a poignant tale of the life of a moneyball. The moneyball at the three point contest. It's sad and really tugs on your heart. Everyone thinks the moneyball's life is easy but it's not. They go through real shit. First they are the minority in the world of balls. They are like black Eskimos. They rarely see the sun, they are used only for special occasions and are blamed for shooters failures (Granger said the moneyball had a different texture to it), that comment btw nearly incited a riot at the Moneyball Ethnic Treatment of Moneyballs or METM. I think there is a movie in the works and if this happens it will have Oscar all over it. Also Tem would review the movie. So that's a positive. Anyway the moneyball's story needs to be heard. Please read it. I give it 4 trophies.

%%%%

Weekend advice: Beastie Boys and cheap beer.

Linkalicious

Chunder don't want Chandler. Other people's thoughts on the matter.

I'm having a hard time convincing myself that I shouldn't buy one of these shirts.

Stuff to do with a microwave. I hope tem will watch, you can't get radiation through a computer screen.

Colts sign another player to a big money, long term deal. I wonder if they know they can't keep doing that and be able pay all their players. At least this means Saturday will probably be back.

Demetri Martin Stand Up Presentation from Demetri Martin

Practice?

Condo Update: I am supposed to be out of my apartment on the 28th. I do not want to go over because my landlords are a-holes. Finance guy is saying that escrow will close on the 28th. Which is a Saturday. Which means it will close on the second. Which is Monday. Which means I won't be able to move big stuff until the next Saturday AND I have to figure out where to put my stuff and where to sleep for two days. Awesome.

So Terry Porter got fired. You could see that coming from a mile away. This was just a bad fit from the jump; the Suns are full of veterans and Porter is a coach that likes to be a hard-ass and yell and practice a lot. Turns out, a locker room full of veterans don't really like that. So who's to blame for this 29 (soon to be 30( and 23 mess? Stephen Douglas Kerr. He's calling the shots. He wanted them to play a half-court game and focus on defense. He ran Dantony out of town. He replaced him with a coach that was a bad fit. I think those moves are worse than any trades he's made. Speaking of trades, I think the trades he's made have been ok, he just makes them during the season so everyone is basically learning how to play with each other. Last season, they really started to put it together with Shaq for about the last 15 games. And I think trading dead wood for Jason Richardson was actually a good move. I think he can play that uptempo style and thrive in it, like Joe Johnson did. They just need a coach that knows when to push the pace and when to pull it back and play a half court set.

NBA Trade: The Hornets send Tyson Chandler to the Thunder for Joe Smith and Chris Wilcox. The Hornets also get DeVon Hardin, who was a late 2nd round pick. So yeah, the Hornets are really feeling the recession apparently. This is a cost-cutting trade. Wilcox and Smith will help them stay afloat where they are (in that 5-8 spot), but that's about it. If Chandler can play more and play better when he does play, then the Thunder could come out looking good on this deal.

Oh yeah, and some guy in New York had a press conference yesterday about steroids. Yawn.

WADR I'm I the new Freak?

I have a feeling this is going to be a shitty post. Well let me rephrase, shittier than normal. I know what you are thinking, "how can it get worse?" Well I could be Shamford, that'd be worse. I wonder what he is doing now. I bet he is getting his husband, er his "wife's" jock strap from the dry cleaner....why she needs to dry clean that is beyond me, but whatever.

Pitt basketball is pretty good. Don't know how they got so good, but whatever, they are in the Big East so I'll give them some love here. They are solid, right now they are my pick to win it all. I'll bail on that pick though later because it is Pitt and I hate Pitt....It'd be like Keef picking Michigan to win it all. Except Pitt is good at basketball and Michigan is just OK.

So, I gots all sorts of shit to do at work, so I must stop typing. Maybe I'll add to the post later, maybe I won't. Maybe I'll tell you all about my temdate this past weekend, maybe I won't.

They're playing bas-ket-ballllll

Happy President's Day everyone. I hope you're all enjoying the day off as much as I am.

Big weekend for the NBA I guess. It must have been big because I watched more NBA this weekend than I've seen in the last 2 years. The dunk contest was pretty boring for the most part. Dudes trying dunks that need a dozen attempts to make does not make for good entertainment. Nate Robinson is fun to watch in this environment, though. Dude can get up there. The green uni & ball was a nice touch. (Temdom side note: Dominique Wilkins is fat) The AS game was alright. The best part of the night was the Shaqawockeez.

Their was a car race yesterday or something.

The final round of the Pebble Beach tourney is supposed to be played today. Lots of wind and rain their on Sunday.

We're about a week and a half until the first Spring Training games. Praise Jesus Chris. Beisbol >>>>>> everything. A few things I'm looking forward to this year include seeing a quarter billion dollars in pitching sitting on the DL for the Yankees this year, seeing the Red Sux team charter build up ice on its wings, how much less the Dodgers will end up paying Manny than they originally offered, and seeing how Cincy does with 3/4 of a roster that I've probably nerve* heard of.

Dook...ahahahahahahahahahahaha GFY Steve. Your team is too predictable.

I need to get a new phone. This 2 year old Razr licks my taint. The #9 key works about 1/3 of the time.

Luke Harangody is a legitimate retard. Matt Stafford met him and said "Dude, you look retarded!"

EP is right. Facebook is the devil.

Commence commenting...

A horse eating oatmeal

NEWS: Plane crash, Buffalo, departed from Newark (hate that fucking airport). Everyone died. Fucked up, read the news.

Don't worry I will not talk about steroids, I just want to drop this fact I read in this week's SI.

"Linked to drugs are two thirds of the MVP winners from 1995 through 2003, five of the top 12 home run hitters of all time and three of the four players ever to smash 50 homers in a season more than twice". - Tom Verducci, SI

I read a piece on Lane Kiffin, man he is a relentless little prick. Arrogant fucker. Me and him would get along. Talks about how he recruited assistants just as hard as he recruited players and he swayed like 4 coaches to leave other SEC schools, guys from Ole Miss, LSU, Bama and Florida. Great piece.

SI was solid this week. Even read a piece on some Nascar driver named Carl Edwards. He's nuts.

One more SI note, they had an excerpt of a book called "Odd Man Out" by Matt McCarthy. It's a book about McCarthy's time in the minors with the Provo Angels (Anaheim affiliate) and it's a great look into the life of a minor leaguer. I recommend the book even though I hate books and only read the excerpt and not the entire book.

Now to the crux of the post. NBA. Since it's NBA all-star weekend I have some 2nd half projections, hopefully they will be proven credible if they pan out or if T agrees with a couple of them.

I think the Cavs win the East. And maybe even win it all. Let me esplain. The C's are not as strong as they were last year. Despite the progression of Rondo and Perkins they don't have a strong bench (Allen is a nice surprise but after that 0) and because of that their crunchtime defense is weaker. Cavs took them to the brink last year, winnable game 7 too and the year before they made it to the Finals with a team far less superior to this year's. The team can match anyone's intensity and anyone's toughness. Remember when we or all of the media would say just wait until Lebron starts hitting the outside shot? Well he's hitting it and hitting it better than 44%. He also has been averaging a career low in minutes which tells me he hasn't needed to carry the load EVERY night. Good. Keep "Shaq-fresh" for the playoffs approach. I like it. Pistons are weak because of AI. The Magic is done because of the Nelson injury. And if Ferry can pull off a Joe Smith or a Brad Miller or a Marcus Camby for Wally's expiring 13.8MM contract, oh man. It's lock city. As far as winning it all there is a guy named Kobe who plays for the Lakers and he might have something to say about that. For all of Lebron's talent and awe I would take Kobe Bryant in a Game 7 series any day of the week. He's just an assassin. And he know how to rape ass which is a great thing to utilize in the playoffs.
Disclaimer : I worry about the Lakers getting past San Antonio, looks like they have a run in them this year.

I say OJ Mayo should win ROY. No disrespect to Rose.

Kincks might make the 8 seed. It's nothing to be happy about but I should mention it.

How awful was the Devin Harris/Kidd deal?

I still see Stat in Miami. Beasly/Chalmers/Haslem maybe?

Totally unrelated, Pat Summit has won 1,000 basketball games as a coach? Christ. Womens bball is an anomaly around here but don't act like you not impressed.

Weekend advice : Dark Beer and Ribs.

Sinkhole

We've made it to Thursday. The weekly sinkhole post.

Let's just see if we can make it through the day.



my favorite nba moment from last season


Go see They Live.

No holds, no holds, no holds...

I have to lock in a rate at some point in the next two days. I also have 17 days left until I have to be out of my apartment. I am hoping I will have next weekend to move. It's officially stress-out time.

So, not a lot of sports going on.

Arod, steroids. Everyone's talked about it. Nothing's gonna happen. He'll get booed on the road and maybe booed at home if he starts sucking. That's it. Everyone's talking about it because there's nothing else to talk about. Now the big headline on ESPN is; Jeter will wait to talk A-Rod. Great. Awesome. Shoot me in the head.

Aikman is finally graduating from UCLA. It took him 20 years to finish 2 courses. He probably could have paid someone to do his homework the year he left instead of doing the same thing 20 years later. He's going to the graduation ceremony and he's getting a bachelor's degree in sociology. Jesus Chris, what is he going to do with that degree? And his final two courses included a class on race and ethnicity and another on aging. Awesome.

As Zeke reported last night, Bobby Abreu and the Angles* are close on a one year contract. They signed Juan Rivera to a three year deal and I guess they're letting Garret Anderson walk.

Bobcats and the Pacers are talking about trading Raymond Felton for Jamaal Tinsley. There are other players involved, but if it happens, it looks more like the Bobcats are trying to get rid of contracts than acquire quality players. They want to include Nazr Mohammed and they're trying to get something for Felton, who becomes a restricted free agent at the end of the year and is probably going to want a whole lot of money. Getting Tinsely isn't the greatest return though. Dude is always injured. He's great when he's playing, but he hasn't been playing because the Pacers told him to stay at home before the season started. So, he's got that going for him. Again, this is a typical Larry Brown trade; trade a young player for a veteran with problems. Hope that works out for you, Jordan.

Tony LaRussa said that the Cards may try Schumaker at second base. Move him up in those fantasy rankings!

Manny Update: He says he's not mad about waiting, that it's part of the business. I'll believe it when the season starts. It's interesting that no one has come out and said they're interested and that all of the teams that have been rumored to be interested have come out and said that they're not. I think this is a one-team race and he's going to be waiting for awhile. I think Boras screwed the pooch on this one. Which is good, because I hate Scott Boras.

Wait for it....wait for it.

That's the deal for today. I am pulling an El Pad. I have some work to do before I post.

So whilst you wait you can think about nuns.



OK, so here we go. I got my fun work done. I was even taught how to fold the big pieces of paper "Wall Street Style." Basically that means in half and then you dog ear the corners. I am not sure why I got to spend 15 minutes learning this, but whatever, it was 9am and I wasn't going to put out too much quality work anyway.


Well the big news is obviously A-Rod. 2+ years of taking roids it sounds like. Wow. I think Zeke said it first, but it is amazing that Jose Canseco is the most reliable person when it comes to steroids talk. I do like how A-Rod pretends that once he stopped juicing it was all natural...umm I think the 2+ years of juicing helped. Even if you stop juicing the muscles just don't immediately disappear. A-Rod is a douche, but this whole crap makes me wonder about Frank Thomas and Griffey Jr. Last week I was convinced those 3 were clean, now hell, I have to wonder. I could have added more names to the list of people I wonder about, but Frank and Junior were my two favorite players.

That's enough A-Rod talk though, he has gotten enough press. Let's talk about a list of celebs who aren't dead, but I could totally convince you that they were dead.

1) John Goodman
2) Dick Clark (even with New Year's just happening you'd believe he is dead)
3) Bob Barker
4) The guy who played Carl Winslow (Reginald VelJohnson)
5) Charles S. Dutton
6) Sean Connery
7) The 2 other girls from TLC that weren't Left Eye.
8) Kid
9) Play
10) Pee Wee Herman


And now an NHL update: Freaking Boston has the most points, freaking Boston must be the best.

College Basketball talk: Up until about today I was pretty convinced that the Big East would send 9 or 10 teams to the Big Dance. Now I'm not so sure. I think they get the normal 8. The teams are just beating up on one another. Right now I don't see how Notre Dame gets in and I am not sure Georgetown gets back in it. But Cinci looks like they have a shot as does WVU and Providence...in the end I don't think all 3 of those guys make it. I'll say 2 of those 3 make it along with UConn, Pitt, Cuse, Marquette, Louisville, and Nova to give the league 8 bids.

Well time to wrap this shiznit up. The End.

It’s like the luck of the Irish, only I’m not Irish

Well, since Tyler & ESPN stoled my thunder, this is going to appear like cumfastery. IDGAF. Here are a few predictions for the 2009 NFL season.

1) The Cards take a huge step back and finish in 3rd in the NFC West. Not just because they’re the Cards, but also because that’s what Super Bowl losers do.
2) Singletary and will keep his pants on and lead the 49ers to 1st place in the West.
3) Brady will have difficulty coming back from a knee and will call it a season during week 3 or week 4.
4) A prominent player will get kilt
5) Houston will make the playoffs, and Tennessee will not.
6) Baltimore will beat Atlanta in Miami in the 2010 Super Bowl. However, there will not be a Falcons DB get arrested for getting a hooker on South Beach this time around.

Arod juiced. Shocking

Ryan Howard got $18mil/per. Enjoy the same # of Ks with fewer HR & RBI, rev. You insufferable bastard. WADR of course

It was hailing here today, and off and on rain. Stupid rain cancelled softball for tonight. And tonight was supposed to be our make-up games from a rainout last month. This is Phoenix metro area, not Seattle. Fuck the rain.

And now, I’ll do a mini-running diary of the Grammy awards. This will be the first time I’ve watched an awards show in at least 2-3 years. So here we go…
(ALL TIMES MOUNTAIN)
6:58 – Here we are in the freshly moved into as. shaped mansion in Gilbert, AZ. Fmk is currently not home, which is nice because I don’t have to explain why I’m making a running diary
6:59 – Already regretting making this decision to a) watch the Grammy’s and b) have a running diary about it. I’ve almost determined that having a runny diarrhea would be easier than this
7:00 – U2 leads off the show. Seriously regretting this decision right now. I’m thisclose to zeking out on this diary
7:01 – I think Danny Bonaduce is playing bass for U2 now
7:02 – The sound in the arena must be horrible. The screen behind Bono is showing the words as he’s singing. Probably a good thing because I haven’t understood one word up to this point
7:02 – I better slow my pace or this post will be a rev-like 27 scroller
7:03 – U2 is still playing. I’m checking the Smith & Wesson website to see if they have same-day delivery.
7:06 – Whitney Houston comes out and shows some leg as she introduces the best R&B album. One of the nominees is Boyz II Men. (ns) Whitney is high right now. I’d do her. Jennifer Hudson gets the token “Sorry about your family, here’s a Grammy” award.
7:07 – Dwayne Johnson will never be anything but The Rock. I can’t take him seriously otherwise
7:08 – Oh shit, Carrie Underwood is gonna be on. I just closed the S&W website. Goddman, so are the Jonas Brothers. Back to the search
7:09 – Timberlake comes onstage as mize breaks out a fresh new sock. JT talks about a bait store. Mize has hearts in his eyes now
7:20 – Coldplay performing live. Now would be a good time to piss
7:22 – Jay-Z cameo made me stop mid-stream
7:26 – Ladies and gentlemen, Carrie Underwood meow. CU is to me as Faith Hill is to zeke. To borrow zeke’s line, if Carrie Underwood is wrong, I don’t want to be write*
7:32 – Country music award. Time to go finish that piss
7:36 – Lincoln commercial uses Ground Control to Major Tom song. I hope tem is getting royalties
7:41 – Song of the year goes to Coldplay. They’re all wearing corny outfits
7:54 – Hannah Montana and Taylor something are singing a song “together for the first time”. Between the 2 of them they have a total of 2 lips. There are a lot of gums on my TV screen right now
8:09 – Jonas Brothers and Stevie Wonder on stage. If Stevie could see right now, he’d break that keyboard in half and kill everyone on stage. Poor guy
8:15 – Coldplay wins another award. Still wearing corny outfits
8:25 – Kanye loaded up on the Soul-Glooooooooo tonight
8:30 – Lull in the action. I’m going to In ‘n Out
8:48 – And we’re back. Double-double, with onion, no tomato, animal style fries, large vanilla shake. Don’t even trip
8:49 – I had the DVR on pause whilst I was gone. I started playing it now, and Kenny Chesney is playing. I should have just let it play. Goddman, country music is worst than anything in the world. Even bad aids
8:55 – As mentioned in LoVAD, some 8 15/16 month preggo chick was in a rap collab that was awful
9:00 – Fast forwarding thru Paul McCartney live performance
9:03 – Jack Black’s father-in-law just said pianist
9:06 – Sugarland & Adele on stage right now. Annoying just broke a world record
9:14 – Off topic a little, but those Cash-4-Gold commercials are freaking amazing. I know it’s been discussed here before, but it’s worth repeating. So you’re telling me all I have to do is mail in my gold, and you’ll mail me back money in the amount that you feel that it’s worth? Where do I sign up? (s)
9:18 – USC marching band is on stage with Radiohead. It’s actually more awkward than it sounds
9:27 – Samuel L on stage now. He’s still tired of those motherfucking snakes on that motherfucking plane
9:28 – Timberlake performing live now. It’s a good thing for mize that socks come in pairs. If JT & Prince ever performed live together, they’d need extra security to keep mize at least 500 feet away
9:39 – Motown tribute w/ Smokey Robinson is pretty HDH. This has been the only bearable part of the show so far
9:47 – Neil Diamond performing Sweet Caroline right now. Fmk said she would go all wrecko on his old as. Old man does put on a good show, though. (She didn’t say “all wrecko”, but she’s in love with his old as.)
10:12 – Will.I.Am & T-Pain come out to present, but I don’t know which one is which. One of them congratulated Obama. They’re presenting the best hip-hop award, and there aren’t any white nominees. Lil Wayne wins it. Then his whole family came on-stage
10:20 – fmk got home. Time to wrap this up
10:25 – I walk into the room and look at the TV and say “Wow, who are these homos?” and fmk says “That’s Green Day”. RIP Green Day. You were magnificent sons of bitches.

This wraps up my first ever running diary. That was too much work. I'm too ADD for this type of stuff

Hello, I'm Johnny Cash

From the desk of El Padrino.

To all my El Padmaniacs:

El Pad lost $992 when it was all said and done for the 2008-09 NFL/CFB season. But let's face it. It all happened in January. Completely whiffing on a couple of playoff games. It happens. Understand this though, El Pad is very angry that this happened. I mean while I was typing this (pretend I have a typer person, preferably a hot woman, spaniard maybe, dark olive skin, long black hair, exquisite heine, long legs, nice tits, etc) he threw a lamp right through the front office window and just fired 4 people because his morning tea scalded his tongue. El Pad prides himself on winning when it counts, being a clutch bettor and rubbing it in when he wins. Losing $992 for the year isn't really that bad considering he was just about dead even in picks (and won the league pick em' pool which he is still waiting for his prize) but excuses/explanations/reasoning is for choke artist losers. And El Pad is far from a choke artist loser. To make this up to the world (because he know's they are reading LOV) he will periodically be dropping gems on along with solid, logical weekend advice on all Friday posts. I hope you all enjoy that.

Best wishes,

El Padrino, ESQ

Early post so beth's comment makes sense. MWA!
(I'll fill this in later (no really I will), I just got in. Something about the train brakes, police dogs and signal problems. It was a fun ride in. The train was blowing air conditioner. Oh yeah it's19 degrees btw. Either I'm going to get pneumonia or somewhere down my family line I am related to polar bears. Probably the latter as I don't mind snow and am always down for a penguin steak.
Proceed.)

Weekend advice : Captain and cokes, all night long like Lionel.

I went on the in ter net

My new favorite song






I cannot wait for spring training.

I know all of you are excited Notre Dame signed the #1 LB recruit.

I put more effort into this title than Freak puts into three months worth of "posts". Boom. Roasted.

These freakin' banks. Apparently, they don't want money. They won't tell my financial guy what escrow company they want to use, so they're basically holding everything up. Fun times. And these banks wonder why they're having problems. Asshats.

Das Boot link for Keith. Just make sure you read some reviews about that company before you order anything from their site.

Anyways, Mannywatch 2009: he turned down a one-year, $25 million deal from the Dodgers. Obviously, the dude doesn't want to play here. Again, Scott Boras: please die. Newest rumor: Dodgers are going after Adam Dunn and Orlando Hudson. Fine, sure, whatever, I don't care, sign someone already. We're 10 days away from pitchers/catchers, let's go, make a move already. Dunn and O-Dogg work, they'd still need another starting pitcher though. The upside would be that they might be able to pull all of that off and do it for about the same amount of money they had ear-marked for Manny. Then they need to trade Juan Pierre for something, anything; I don't care what, and then they should at least be able to compete in the NL West. Sigh. I am going to try not to expect too much this year.

The Raiders retained Tom Cable. The Raiders continue to make me chuckle. Do whatever makes you happy, Davis, it can't get any worse. You've lost at least 11 games in six consecutive years, and your 5-11 finish last year was the best you've done since 2004. Another little nugget, Norv Turner coached that 2004 team. Man, you just can't script this kind of stuff.

I know Beth hates fantasy sports talk, but my NBA team this year was just starting to come back, but now I've got the all-injured team. Boozer has a strained vagina hamstring and he's been out for like 35+ games. Andrew Bogut needs a backiotomy. Andrew Bynum almost kills Gerald Wallace (who is also on my team), then a week later tears his MCL. Now Chris Paul has a strained groin. Great. Super. Awesome.

This was on the sidebar on ESPN's NFL site; "Steelers, fans rejoice at 'Sixburgh' parade". Jesus Chris.

Speaking of the Superbowl, I'm betting the Cards are going to go back to train wreck status next year. They get the second to the last pick in the first round, and their Pro-Bowl QB may retire. Even if he comes back, they have to negotiate a contract. Boldin doesn't want to be there, he'll get traded inside of a month. Edge says his people and the Cards have to have "a sit-down". If I was Larry Fitzgerald, I'd be pissed. That team is falling apart two days after the Superbowl, and he could be catching passes from Matt Leinart next year. That would suck. Hard.

I'm out.

Hammer Time

OK, so nobody wanted the spot start, so tem is manning up and hammering one out. This is just like Willis Reed coming out of the tunnel and nothing at all like Paul Pierce coming out of the tunnel. It's not like Pierce because I do not have a vagina.

I'm going to toss out a temrant about chicks, but this has nothing to do with efmtem. I know nobody will really believe that, but it doesn't. Oddly efmtem does not write emails like this at all....anyway, why the hell do chicks always use exclamation points and smiley faces and multiple question marks in emails? It is totally wierd, but in the last five days I have heard from three chicks randomly, I think efmtem told them of our impending doom in some weekly meeting chicks must have, all three were just out of control with the question marks and exclamation points. I got this one "How have you been anyway???????", "We should get together for lunch or drinks sometime!!!!!", and "Let's do lunch, how about Thursday?!?!?!?!." WFT is going on here?

Back to that secret meeting thing. I really believe chicks have secret meetings. Also I believe that chicks can read your mind but they never tell anyone because it would cause a huge uproar and then scientists (because they are so smart) would figure out ways to stop it. Like dudes would wear metal helmets all the time and then the chicks couldn't read our minds anymore. Of course I also am afraid of microwaves, so maybe we shouldn't put any stock into anything I say.

By the by, I didn't watch any sports last night so I got nothing RE: Sports to write about. If you want sports you should just go to the WWL or something.


tem movie review:
Hotel for Dogs

This movie is basically about a hotel that only allows ugly people in. I think the original concept is that it will help build up the self esteem of ugly people. So anyway, this one chick always goes there and she is a total ugly chick, but of course that's she because she wear frumpy clothes and wears her hair like Animal the Muppet. So anyway, she becomes insanely popular amongst the ugly people, but then something happens....dun dun dun. She gets a makeover and is totally hot.

Now not all the ugly people (dogs) think this is cool. Some of the nicer dogs are totally down with it but some of the dogs hate it. Some think that because the chick is no longer a dog she should be banished to the hotel next door (the hotel for foxes). Eventually the newly hot chick goes to hotel for foxes and kind of fits in. Something isn't totally right, but she lets it slide.

So of course the big Tri-City hotel Olympics are coming up and the chick gets on the Hotel for Foxes team. She sees her Hotel for Dogs ex-friends and feels real bad. Somehow the Dogs team makes it to the finals against the Fox team. I guess ugly people can be good at things too. Anyway, the last event is like hair combing or something ugly people suck at (this is where the movie falls apart). So the Ugly team is having lots of trouble and getting crushed. The newly hot chick starts feeling really bad and then a montage of scenes with her and her ugly friends plays to Tiffany's Could've Been. I think someone in Hollywood wants Tiffany to be a two hit wonder...but I digress. Anyway, new hot chick switches teams, combs the shit out the ugly people's hair and team Hotel for Dogs wins the Tri-City Olympics and everyone accepts newly hot chick back into the dog circle.

The End.

3 out of 5 helmet stickers for gratuitous nudity at Hotel For Foxes, which I forgot to mention is a nudist hotel.





Alright I think that qualifies as enough effort for the day.

Terrible weekend

This weekend suckt. Except that EP owes us all money for finishing deep into the red.
TWSS

The bad weekend started off with the atrocious UFC PPV. That was probably the worse PPV I've ever seen. Every fight was boring. I probably could have given GSP a better fight than BJ Penn. (But only because I weigh 30 lbs more than him). I still don't think he threw a punch the whole fight. Just a terrible waste of $50 to watch it. From now on I'm just going to go to BW's to watch any UFC PPV. On top of that, I lost the GSP/BJP bet with tem. Hey BJ, maybe from now on stick to people closer to your normal weight.

Obviously the SB was a great game. But my night got fukt by 2 goddman plays. If the Cards score a TD to end the half instead of the giving up the taint, I win $150 because one of my squares was Cards-4/Steelers-0. Then Holmes' TD at the end of the game cost me $250 because I also had Cards-3/Steelers-0. Add to that I lost the bet to zeke because the Steelers won it all, so I owe zeke 5 days this week. Tem, I'll pay up our bet next week. So you get a lot of time to find something good.

Let's give it up for Santonio Holmes, though. From selling drugs on the street at 10 years old to winning Super Bowl MVP. It's a Cinderella story. (S)

One suite-ened part of the weekend is that during the PPV hfsil had 3 of her friends over at the house. Of course, the suiteness of that was offset by the fact that they kept turning on their Ipod during the fight, which was loaded with Beyonce, Britney, and Black Eyed Peas. I pissed cfsil off when I finally yelled to shut the shit off at least until the fights were over. So while the people in attendance were great on the eyes, they were not so much on the ears. That's why pictures on the internets are so great, because you don't have to listen to them.

Commercials for the game were also terrible. The only 2 I remember were movie previews. GI Joe & Transformers 2 look like they'll be HDH.

Anyway, that's all I got. Go comment