Monday, November 30, 2009

I'd be reticent to say this is a good post

I'm sick. Woe. LoVers need to stay away when they're sick, because they spread too many germs here. So this post is gonna be short. LMC

Hey Leinart, how does VY's as. taste again?

The Tiger Woo story is dumb. I'm pretty sure Elin didn't need to take a 9-iron to the back winder* of the Escalade to get Tigger out. They probably got in a fight, she broke out his back window, he took off, and ran into a tree. The lesson, as always, don't cheat and get caught.

The college fooyball* championship is this weekend. Who knew that it was January already.

Please Lord, let Charlie Weis keep his job.


Friday, November 27, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Overall 33-35-2
Situation ($1050)
Last Week 1-4

Making a east coast team travel to Denver on a short week is gay. With that said the Giants are barely a playoff team right now so what difference does it make. The offensive line that has been together the longest in the league really blows right now and the defensive coordinator is a dirty tampon. Moving on Brian Dawkins is still an incredible football player what the fuck was Philly thinking.

Miami - 3 over Buffalo ($250) because they are two hundred and fifty dollars better than the Bills.

Seattle only a 3 point favorite against a St Loo team that is featuring Kyle Boller at QB and a banged up Stephen Jackson. Give me the Hawks. ($150)

Indy -3.5 over Houston ($100)

I might add more. Blac Friday is upon us, go out you sheep and buy discounted electronics.

Thursday, November 26, 2009

happy Thanksgiving LOV.

Happy Thanksgiving everyone. Whether you are spendding it with friends, family, or by yourself, enjoy yourselves and be safe.

Also, keep the troops overseas in mind. They can't be with their families because they are defending our freedom. So if you get the chance, thank a soldier.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

Thanksgiving Eve

The day before thanksgiving sucks, especially if you half* two* work. I think there will be a total of like 4 people in the office today (ns). I will be closing the office at noon, so I can go get my goose on.

Speaking of thanksgiving, Turkey is overrated. If it's so grate* why don't people cook turkeys in June? I've really got nothing today, no gas in the tank.

I got to watch first hand the suckitude that is the Nets. They are a truly awful team...the Nuggets starters didn't even play in the 4th quarter, there was a point in the game where it looked like a pickup game with all the layups and dunks. Of course LP wouldn't give up all those layups, he's a stalwart at the park.

Jimmy Clausen got cold-cocked...good for him. And by him, i mean the guy who punched him. I hope he said "quit being such a douche" and hit him. Clausen will be just fine, he'll get his millions next year, and he can be the next Rick Mirer or Brady Quinn. Exciting times for Irish fans.

Anyway, that's enough for today. I was going to make a list of what everyone should be thankful for, but that seemed like a lot of work. Now H has an idea for tomorrow.

Tuesday, November 24, 2009

Temblings again

Tuesdays are not a great day to be recapping sports. Talking about the weekend action was so yesterday and it is too soon to talk about the coming weekend's action. So here we stand with nothing really to talk about. Discussions could arise about the Titans who apparently don't suck anymore or about the Nets who suck a lot....but they won't. Instead I'll just type some stuff until I have to leave for a 9am meeting. Basically this is going to suck so just skip it and go comment.


Source: Irish QB Clausen punched by irate fan --- good, I am positive Clausen was being a douche.

Titans win 4th straight on Brown's wide kick --- Brown can't hit a pressure kick for the life of him. He has cost the Texans like 2 wins.

Source: 49ers drop tampering charges vs. Jets --- Hopefully not into the pool, they'll never find it then.

Purdue edges Tennessee for Paradise Jam title ---- I don't even know what sport this is for.


If you want to open a bar you should put "Devil's" in the name. That instantly makes a bar cooler.

I went to the mall on sunday. The mall was open at 10:30am but no stores opened until noon. What the fuck is the point of that?

Downstairs neighbor came up and visited last night, she was really drunk. Hilarity ensued. She really likes to make out with married guys. She is like hsilok but she goes all the way.

If you are ever on Riverside Drive in Columbus be prepared to go at least 15mph under the speed limit. The drivers on that road are old and rich and bad.

Was talking to a land owner yesterday and he told me that the big boss at my work is a stubborn old coot. I had no response.

TPS has gone full out assault on me lately. I don' like it. I need to win the lottery.

Speaking of lottery, I went to a filming of the state's saturday lottery tv show. It was fantastic. I don't have the words to describe how awesome it was. This one really fat lady was playing to make money so her friend could go to Texas. He friend had about $5,000 worth of tats on him. I just kept thinking if he had just saved that cash he could go to Texas. Dude had a snake tattoo on his face, and head and neck.

This post sucks. I should have just done a Brutus and Timmy thing.

Monday, November 23, 2009

Nice post, Freak

I'm not feeling it tonight. I'm tired.

Bangles lost to Oakland. I'm not shocked, but I'm surprised. Tem is happy with the Big Gradkowski. At least Pittsburgh lost, too. The Lions are 1 step closer to 8-8. If they win the rest of their games, I'll let mize choose my name/pic for a month. Dallas/Warshington* game looked like it was exciting. 7-6 games are the worse.

Jay Cutler sucks.

I've said this before, but I hope ND doesn't fire Weis. I am enjoying the Chuck Weis era and would hate to see it end so soon.

tOSU looked awful on Saturday. Actually, the defense lookt* ok. Bent but didn't break. But the offense is just terrible. I'm not sure if Tressel is just doing what he feels is just enough to win, or if he's really worried about trying to let it loose with Pryor. Either way, they need to do more in the Rose Bowl. Looks like they're gonna play a team from Oregon. I would prefer they play the Beavers.

Can't believe this week is Thanksgiving. Where did the year go? I start the night yob on Monday so hopefully the 3 day week will fly by.

cmk & I tried out the Five Guys burgers for dinner. They were decent. I wasn't a fan of the fries, though. I don't prefer the bigger fries like they have. And it seems pretty spendy for a burger place. We each got a single patty burger, split fries and a drink and it was $15. I prefer In N Out to Five Guys.

I prefer In N Out with Five guys. /beth

Watched a little bit of the AMAs. I would take a menage a quatro with Rihanna, Carrie Underwood, and Leona Lewis.

I took this season off of softball because there was too much shit going on. But my buddy called me on Sunday and axed if I could fill in. He said they were 0-6 and the closest game they'd had so far was 16-4. So I get there and we still only have 9 guys. But luckily the other team only had 9, too, and we won. Played 6 innings and batted 7 times. That was fun.

Get well soon, Beth. Those lawyers' dongs are going to suck themselves.

Friday, November 20, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Overall : 32-31-2
Last Week : 5-3
Situation : -700

Pros before ho's

Had Miami +3 last night.....DET. Ricky Williams took a corn shit on the Panthers.

Jets +10.5 over PATS
That's alot of purnts* for a division game. Pats ain't nowhere near the 18-1 team, they are still building that back up. Jets beat them earlier in the year and that gives them some confidence. CLOSER THAN THE EXPERTS THINK! Plus I can't get a read on the Pats right now, after that Sunday night game they might be too low or too excited. Not sure which one. ($200)

BAL +1 over Colts
Classic letdown game. And if you think it can't happen to the Colts it can. Just watch. Ray Lewis and company seem to get jacked up on national television especially against a top 5 team like the Colts. ($100)

Buffalo +9 over JAX
Jags ain't good. MJD is good but Jax as a team are not good. I think Buffalo stays close, maybe even upsets the Jags and gets the black guy his first win alot quicker than it took that black guy in Tampa. I'm sure this game is blacked out so no one will know what happens. I'lll have to check the USA Today boxscore on Monday as if it was 1992 (Boxscores suck me everytime. / tp). ($100)

This week sucks. Good week to take the top 3 getting all the action (Steelers 79%, Eagles 76% and Bengals 75%) and doing the opposite. But this time around I like 2 out of 3 so let's just ride the one I don't like. Philly -3 over CHICAGO. I'm taking the Bears even though Cutler had been playing like a wet tampon. ($100)

I ain't taking KC with Steelers in town, I'll actually lay the 10 there and take the Steelers for($50). It must suck to be a KC fan, Steve would have a field day calling them out.

Bengals -9.5 looks juicy too but I just want to stay away from it so, no play on the call.
The Colts are getting 74% of the action. So I will look smat* if Baltimore gets it done. Detroit getting 73%. Good lord just fire Mangini already.

RIP the Georgia bulldog, again. They have a short life span. The respiratory system of a bulldog is as bad as keef's colon system.

Thursday, November 19, 2009

I'm a Loser, Baby...

This post is dedicated to Steve. Don't worry big guy, the helmet looks fine. Keep hoping. Maybe one day they will find a cure for the ratardness that ails you.

So it is Thursday morning, and people are STILL killing Bill Belichick on the Local sports yak stations. Like I said Sunday night and Monday morning, I HATED the call to go for it on 4th and 2, but get over it already. The Pats are still 6-3, still in first place in the division and still likely to make the playoffs. yeah, the loss might come back to bite them in the playoffs, but let's deal with that when it happens.

The Bills are reportedly interested in Mike Shanahan (not Brendan Shanahan, Bleu). I think this would actually be a smart move. Shanahan's system has always produced good RBs, and what fits the cold, snowy, Buffalo winters better than a solid rushing attack?

I don't understand why this became such a big story. so the dude got emotional at a team meeting. Is he the first guy ever to do this? Anyone remember Dick Vermeil? Dude cried at everything. Or T.O.? "That's my quarterback, man" *sob*. People are redonk.

No one here cares about soccer, but the field is set for the World Cup. My ancestors' homeland earned a berth.

The GGW pictures are still M.I.A. Like I said before, the nigth overall was a disappointment as far as nudity goes, so don't expect much on the pictures once I actually get them. We'll see.

EP, I'm not weaseling, I'm broke. You will get your beer ASAP though. Need your address again. You can email it to me.

Those of you with Blackberrys (Blackberries?), hook a brother up with your PINs. Blackberry Messenger, another form of LOV harrassment!!

Science is cool.

Somehow, I think this should have raised a red flag...

I'm done with this post. Let the slappers ensue.

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

College Basketball is the best

Every year Gonzaga beats a top ranked team or plays them really tough. They suck me every year. This year it was a trip to East Lansing and Michigan State and Izzo's boyz pulled it out (unlike blue and now he is going to have 2 kids). The Zags played them tough though. I respect that school, but it's in a shitty town, spokompton as we called it when I was at university. As I was watching the game with all the State students there, I couldn't help wondering if the seniors were excited to be graduating into a state that has like 37% unemployment. I think i'd flunk a few classes. I also wonder if the governor of Mishigan was watching that game and looking at the students in the stands and thinking "These are our great hope for the future?". Lots of ugly and dumb people at Michigan State.

I have it on good authority that Chris Simms is awful.

Blindsight* is a suite to see a free preview. Free movies are almost always better, but this one would be worth paying for. Except Sandra Bullock has an awful accent. She could take lessons for the 'Nard dawg on how to do a southern accent.

Read on ESPN: Shanahan hangs up skates after 21 years.....two thoughts, I wonder if his wife was bugging him about hanging them up all this time so he finally did. My wife bugs me about hanging up my coat. And 2) why does mike shanahan have skates? both of these thoughts were (ns).

This is all for now...i'm still waiting for those ggw pictures.

Tuesday, November 17, 2009

Cantankerous Twirlydiddles

License Plate

I didn't see any of note this week. Or at least one that was so noteworthy that I remembered it. I saw lots of people's names. Oddly most of the time the name gender didn't match the gender of the person driving the car. A big black guy with DENISE on the plate. Some lady driving DARRINS Mustang. I think I am getting bored with the license plates. Which means you all were bored with it months ago, like before I even added it to the "column." So I might be retiring it.

OSU Football

After like 4 or 5 straight Big 10 titles everyone is back on the Tressel wagon. The fans here love him again. He takes a lot of heat for doing nothing but win a lot of games. In any case if (AHIIK) he loses to Michigan this week expect everyone to hate him again. Once Oregon clinches the Pac 10 they'll set the spread for ORE/OSU at ORE -15. Then tOSU will lose a close Rose Bowl and everyone will move on.

WVU football

It is sad to me that the ceiling for Coach Stewart's reign as head coach was his very first game. It has totally been all downhill from there. I'll give the old coot credit though, he isn't letting the team slide downhill as fast as I thought they would. I honestly thought they wouldn't even make a bowl this year, but he rallied the troops and probably will finish 7-6 or 8-5 after the bowl loss. I think it is pretty obvious that he is never going to build the program up from where Rich Rod had it. Rich Rod may be a dickhead, but he had that program built up pretty good. Coach Stewart looks like an old man looking for his Matlock DVDs on the sideline. He is never going to build that program, only tear it down piece by piece. So let's all watch WVU football die a slow and painful death. At least we have a good basketball team. And as long as the players keep making bail they should win around 30 games this year.


San Jose has the most points. They must be good.

$250K fines

Bud Adams got the smackdown from the NFL. $250K for flipping off Buffalo fans. He'll say he is sorry, but it is probably worth it.

So, here is a question for some accountant dork. Are these fines tax deductible? They (the NFL) just donate the money to charity so does it count as a charitable contribution? I think it might. Which makes the fine mean a whole lot less.


Atlanta and Phoenix have the best records and therefore the best teams....who knew?

The Warriors shipped Jackson to the Bobcats...I am pretty sure shipping people is illegal.


I believe all UFC fighters either have the dreaded yet to be determined disease that is going around or quit. So there is no good news man.


B. Quinn - 13/31 99yds 0td 2int 23.5 rating

Umm, maybe he isn't the answer either. The Browns should try to get Leftwich to play for them.

Don't know why the Bengals sign LJ unless Benson is really hurt.

Chatter about benching Cutler...NFW.

OK I am done.

Monday, November 16, 2009

Everything's coming up roses

tOSU earns the opportunity to get smoked by the Ducks in the Rose Bowl. Even though they won on Saturday, it was painful to watch because the vest has zero confidence in Pryor. 4th quarter, 3rd and long? Let's run it. He did that on numerous occasions. I mean, I don't blame him because Pryor throws like he's a left-handed person trying to throw right-handed. But put him in shotgun and let him run out of that formation rather than just handing it off. They don't even need WRs on that team. But I'm glad they're going to the Rose Bowl. It's been like 13 years since the last time they went. But now it's Michigan week, and even though tOSU is Big T(elev)en champs, they can't lose to an awful UM team.

Did anyone see that USC/Stansbury* game? Omigod. USC was behind a woodshed or something. Them white boyz whooped up on 'em. That was pretty fun to watch.

Bangles* win a close game in Pittsburgh on Sunday. Keeping the Stillers without a TD was pretty impressive. And winning even though Benson went out in the first quarter was also impressive. And the fact that they won even though LP picked them is probably the most impressive. They're gonna go to the Super Bowl. jinx

Apparently O:FB is alive and well. I turnt off the Colts/Pats game at halftime and fell asleep. I read the comments from last night and I guess the hoodie made a stupid 4th down call. Good for him. He knows how awesome O:FB is, too.

We went out for a friend's birthday on Saturday night and csil was a drunk mess. She spent the whole dinner acting like her bf was going to propose to her that night. And even though we were there for someone else's birthday, csil couldn't let the spotlight off of her for more than 2.4 seconds. Drives me fucking insane.

I think that's all. I don't want to write anymore.

Friday, November 13, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Jay Cutler was brutal. I think he leads the world in red zone picks. That's bad.
I thought I saw Boom Dizzle yesterday on the path train. Turns out it wasn't him. I snapped a pic anyway. By the way if this dude caught me snapping a pic of him I think we'd be fighting. I am a cell phone camera NINJA. Not to be fucked with.

Overall : 26-28-2
Situation : (-$800)
Last Week : 5-3

Wvu +9 Cincy, as the games get bigger the scores get closer. ($100)
Nurth* Carolina at home +3 over Miami ($50)

I think your good laying 13.5 to the Rams. I don't care if that game was in Stave Spagnuolo's living room. He doesn't have the personnel to pressure Brees and that score will be a bunch of crooked numbers to zero. ($250)

Dallas is hot, on fiyyyaaa, too bad it's not January. If I were Aaron Rodgers I'd be having serious nightmares of DeMarcus Ware running at me with foam coming out of his mouth and body slamming me to the Lambeau turf. Lay the 3 to the home dog Packers. ($200)

Broncos -3.5 over Skins, even though the line scares me. The Broncos, and I've never wavered on this, are not THAT good. Better than I expected for sure. But there are only so many 4 yard passing plays you can call before teams start defending it well. Anyway the Skins are a sloppy mess. The coach should be running a bait shop not a football team. (hi deke) ($150)

I might regret this pick because Arizona is like a goddamn yo-yo from week to week but I think the good times roll at home vs the Seahawks. Mainly because they should be able to get to Hasselback. I'd lay the 8.5 and watch Matthew get a Dansby/Dockett sammich. ($150)

Man I'm doing alot of laying here. (/Beth) Wadr. Time for some taking. (/Kod) Wadr.

Bengals are definetely no joke. I'm officially a believer. Thought Marvin Lewis was a joke and would be gone but he's done a fan fucking tastic job. Kills me to say that. That's a big bowl of my words I just ate. Anyway give me the 7 points as they rush into Steeler Country, These two teams are very similar and the game will be decided by less than 7 for sure. ($200)

I don't know who the Jets think they are but giving the Jaguars 7 points sounds like a bad idea. Like the time I let some dude brand my wife. (/Keef) Wadr. I will take those 7 points. ($100)

Thursday, November 12, 2009

I Love Me Some Hot Stove!

For real, I do enjoy baseball's offseason. It's always fun to talk about trade rumors that arise from the GM meetings, which free agents your team will sign, and what the team will look like by the time pitchers and cathers report. This year's hot free agents include Matt Holiday, Jason Bay and John Lackey. And that's about it for big names. Stay tuned for the action!

Jason Varitek today decided to pick up his player option for 2010 at $3 milliom. Smart move financially for V-Tek, as he won't get that much anywhere else, but I do wonder if there was a starter's job out there for him with a team that has a young pitching staff. He obviously is not the player he once was, but I can see him being a valuable mentor to a young staff, showing them his preparation methods and such. With Victor Martinez as the starter next season, Tek will not see much playijng time here.

Switching to the NFL, there's a lot of talk on sports radio about where Larry Johnson may end up, or if any team will take a chance on him at all. The frontrunners mentioned so far are the Houston Texans. The Patriots have also been mentioned, especially after Bill Belichick said during a press conference this week that the teeam will have "internal discussions" about it. I think in the right situation, LJ can still be a productive back. He just needs to learn to keep his mouth shut. Maybe Dick Vermeil had it right when he told LJ it was time to take the diaper off. He still may not have...

Continuing with the NFL, I still will never understand why players insist on providing their opponents with bulleting board material. I mean, grown men shouldn't need someone to talk trash to motivates themselves to perform, but we have all seen examples in the past of a player talking trash before a game, then his team goes out and get crushed. This week, Vernon Davis is talking trash about chicago, while Chad Ochocinco was going to send mustard to the Steelers because they "won't be able to ketchup" (He must read LOV). I just don't get what the motivation is. The 49ers are on a terrible slide. Why give the Bears more incentive to beat you. And the Bengals are playing well, but this will be a tough game against their biggest division rival. Just shut up, play the game, and stop motivating your opponent.

I know no one here cares about soccer, but this is a sad story. I can't imagine feeling like so bad about life that jumping in front of a train is the only solution. Any thoughts on this, Jug?

In non-sports related topics, I'm watching Conan right now and he is interviewing Heather Locklear. I find it amazing that she looks as good as she does at age 48. Holly wood chicks age well for the most part.

I think that is it for today.

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

Help Wanted

This is an excerpt from an actual resume recieved yesterday:

Dandy Dan's Gentlemen's Club
Persuaded Customers to purchase drinks and dances, along with up-selling higher-end drinks and buckets. I also provided an ear to listen to whatever the customer may want to discuss and helped sort through whatever the days problems may have been.

I wanted to interview her, the hiring manager for the position did not. HR lady thought we should bring her in anyway, just to meet her.

I caught the very end of that "V" show tonight on ABC...the pirate from Average Joe's gym is on that show. Good to see that pirates can still get work even with all the somalian ones ruining for everyone.

Ok, here is my chilis story I alluded to the other day. I'm a lot more calm about it now, and it seems a lot dumber, but so what.

So there we were having a lovely dinner at the local Chilis. I was having the buffalo chicken ranch sandwich. Typically it comes drenched in buffaro sauce, but tonight it only had an ounce of buffaro sauce (ns), so I was already pissed. Then they didn't cook cmblue's burger long enough so they were still pink in the middle...not a great thing for a preggo lady. Anyway, about that time a group sits down at the booth next to us. We are sharing a wall that seperates the tables. Some young chick sets her motorcycle helmet down on top of the wall. Not a big deal right, except that the helmet has a scary looking skull on it. Bgblue is at the age now where she's aware of things that are scary and has serious issues with weird items. For example, she's afraid of shadows, the moon, and the skull freaked her out. She starts screaming crying saying "I don't like it, i don't like it". About that time the waitress comes by and asks what's wrong, I made a joke about her being pissed about the ounce of buffaro sauce on my sandwich. I then tell the waitress to please bring our check and that she's freaked out by the helmet, and we'll just go. Blue knows that bgblue will continue to be freaked out, so it's not worth fighting her about it. Well the waitress decides that she should go and ask the kid to move the helmet, unbeknownst to me. When she asks the kid, she goes ballistic and yells "well i'm not fucking moving it". Which of course makes bgblue even more upset. At this point, blue decides to it's time for him to leave, so he and bgblue get up and go so she'll stop crying. Cmblue is left behind to pay, like a good woman...well 20 minutes goes by and cmblue still hasn't come out yet..finally she comes out. Come to find out, as soon as I left, the teenage chick yelled at my wife "if you can't keep your kid under control, you shouldn't come to chilis anyway"...well that didn't sit too well, and supposedly the waitress had to keep cmblue from jumping this kid. But the waitress made sure we got our dessert to go. As we were walking to the car cmblue wanted to kick over the chick's motorcycle but I talked her out of it. In the end it was probably muchado about nothing, but that stupid waitress should have kept her nose out of the situation...but she still got a tip.

Tuesday, November 10, 2009


License Plate

Saw BIGBUT the other day. The lady driving it didn't look like she would have a big ass, but maybe she did. She was pretty skinny up top, so I wondered if she just ballooned out at the bottom. Maybe she looked like a pyramid or something. In any case I guess BIGBUTT was taken or she could have had that. You get 7 letters. Or maybe she just likes to argue and always brings a big "but" to the argument....kind of like "a huge if I know." I guess we will never know because I am not going to ask her.

Hockey Talk

Colorado and San Jose have the most points, must be the best teams.

NBA Talk

Boston and Phoenix have the best records, they must be the best teams.

Abdul Jabar has leukemia...Shoots up the death pool draft board.

LeBron says winning is more important than money...easy for him to say since he will make tons of money no matter where he goes....Hmmm, get $125M and be on a sucky team or get $120M and be on a winning team?

Other sports news

Some tennis guy wants Agassi to give back his winnings and titles because he did meth. Whatever. Nobody should be shocked or surprised that Agassi did drugs. Hell him and Jeremy Mayfield probably went in 50/50 on a meth lab investment.

Michael Phelps sucks without the new suit. Missed 2 of 3 finals wearing the old suit. I am guessing everyone else was wearing the new suit. In any case those new suits with the motors in them really do make you swim faster. Maybe I will enter the Olympics and just jump in the pool with a speed boat. I'll just say, "what? it's my suit."

ElTardo Saturday posts are dumb. Never read them since they are posted on Saturday.

Someone won the WSOP. I know who, but I won't tell. I'll give you a hint though, it wasn't me.

Money fantasy team is 8-1 now. Looking vulnerable though after starting 7-0. Steve Slaton's fumblitis really hurts.

Tem movie review

The Blind Side

I can not believe how fast Hollywood makes movies after something in real life happens. I swear, the event this stuff is based on happened like last year, but they fired off the movie real quick like. Even got Sandra Bullock to star in it. She has been in lots of movies lately. I guess she better get it while the getting is good because it'll go downhill fast. Even Michelle Pfeifer's career fell off after 50 or whatever. I mean damn, it wasn't that long ago that Michelle was humping ladders and singing songs, now she is in like 1 movie a year.

Anyway, as we all know this movie is about that writer from SI, Dr. Z. He had a stroke and apparently when this happens one side of your body just is all kinds of fucked up. So this movie is about his Blind Side. I guess Sandra Bullock plays his wife, not sure why they picked a hot chick to be a sportswriters wife, but hey I guess ElTardo's wife isn't bad to look at. So Dr. Z has a stroke, can't see out of one side. So at first SB just sits on the good side, but then she realizes that her husband kind of sucks and can't do things right so she begins to hang out with his brother Dr. Y. Dr. Y is played by Omar Epps, who you might remember as the current coach of the Pittsburgh Steelers.

So Sandra and Dr. Y hang out and start getting it on. To make sure that Dr. Z never figures it out they always knock boots on his blind side. Of course he finally catches on and when he does he strokes out again and dies.

The End.

3 telmet stickers out of 5.

Monday, November 09, 2009

Monday post

Family guy sucks.

Phantom of the Opera does not suck. I went with cmk, hsilok, & milok and saw Phantom on Sunday afternoon. First time I'd erve* seen it. The only other show I'd every seen in a theater before was Stomp. I was pretty impressed with Phantom. I had reservations when I got the tickets a few months ago, but walked out of there happy that we saw it. I'd go see it again. I might even go see another show. I heard Jesus Chris* Superstar was pretty good and that's coming here in March, so we might go see that.

Big fooyball* weekend again. Iower finally lost a game they should have lost. IN YOU FACE, WEAZY!! tOSU stepped up in Happy Valley. UM stepped down in Ann Arbor. Alabamer lookt impressive against LSU. Cincy almost lost, & Boise didn't look too impressive. 6 unbeaten teams left, I think at least 1 will lose each weekend over the next few weeks. And if you didn't see it, Jahvid Best went airborne and landed on his head.

I didn't see any NFL on Sunday, so I'm just going off of what the scoreboard says. Bengals go 4-0 in the division, Chargers nipped the GGGGGGG-men, Cards walk all over da Bears, and Tampa used their throwbacks to confuse the Packers, Colts & Saints bolth* stay unbeaten. I'm still more interested in college ball right now, and the main interest I have in NFL at this point is strictly for FNFL purposes. That will change in December after the college regular season.

LP, your name/pic for today will be Ohio is > than NY

I'm eating a thin mint blizzard right now and it's awsome*.

The wedding we went to on Saturday night was alright. It was on a ranch just outside of town, and the ceremony was in a horse corral. Nice ceremony, nice reception, lots of dyke-y rugby chicks there. Like, dozens of them. One of them was dressed up in gray men's slacks, an argyle sweater, and a tie. She probably had a penis, too. But during the bouquet toss, me & cmk were standing over by the dessert table and looked over in time to see the toss. Sure enough, argyle "chick" coat* the bouquet and started playing air guitar with it. Some dude and his wife were standing next to us at the table and the dude says "Why is that guy holding the bouquet?" I kind of look at cmk and she starts laughing and walks away. I turn around and the guy's wife is ::flank steaking:: at him and he says "No, seriously. Some dude just jumped in and coat* the bouquet". He wife punches him and tells him to shut up, that it was a girl and that he needs to shut the fuck up because he said that really loud. That was probably the highlight of the night.

That is all. Go comment. Or don't. I don't care. OK that's a lie, I do care.

Friday, November 06, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Time to make mo money, mo money, mo money.

Overall : 21-25-2
Last Week : 4-2
Situation : $1000

College Plays ($100 each)

INDIANA +11 over Sconnies
WVU -21 over Louisville
Uconn +17 over CINCY
MICHIGAN -6 over Purdue


JVILLE -7 over Chiefs ($250)
M - J - D

Miami +11 over NEW ENGLAND ($150)
Miami is like the best losing team in the league. Eleven points for a team that is like 2nd in TOP is redonk as Mills would say. And taking a cue from Simmons, Sparano looks like he owns a deli in Bensonhurst.

Arizona +3 over CHICAGO
Gonna try the Cards on the road, they have been surprising as of late on the road and it may be a trend.

Houston +9 over INDY
Don't these two teams always have close games?

Just walked in, took me like 20 minutes to navigate through all the yankee convicts that have already lined up Broadway. It's like 20 people deep already, expect like 3 million people which is like 1% of the total population. I hope spiff is there to see the animals.

Dez Bryant to enter draft, despite not playing because the NCAA = Germany during Nazi occupation, he'll still be a #1. He's talented as they say.

Lincecum smokes weed? No way. Never saw that coming.

NOW. That's a womanz group apparentely. Like PETA. Both are filled with crazy people. NOW is the craziest of them all though, because what's crazy than alot of womanz talking together about men. Nothing.

Thursday, November 05, 2009

Goddamn Yankees... # 27

Disclaimer: The following post may contain strong language, aggression, whining, moaning, groaning and general Yankee hatred. Viewer discretion is advised.

Goddamn, fucking, shitbum Yankee cocksuckers. And you know what? Phuck Philly too. Chase Utley was apparently the only guy who remembered to bring his bat to the Word Series. Get ready for a winter full of hearing from the Yankees fans about the greatness. And hear them try to convince you that they never really hated Girardi. Or that A-Roid is the greatest clutch player ever! UGH, it is gonna be a long winter. thank god we have football.

Last World Series note. Hideki Matsui became the first Japanese player to win World Series MVP. Expect this to get some run. He was also the first full time DH to win the award.

Cameron Diaz is on Fallon right now. She seems like a nice person. though I'm sure she is probably a mega-bitch. Phenomenally hot women usually are. She seems to have enjoyed her time filming in the boston area, so that's cool. "The Box" seems like it could be a good movie.

I admit that I don't know a whole lot about the intricacies of basketball. However, I'm pretty sure that the Celtics starting 6-0 is pretty good. It seems like tonight's game was the only close one too. and I'm also quite sure that in the long run it means absolutely nothing. Just figured it was worth mentioning.

Roy Williams is unhappy and feels like he and Tony Romo aren't on the same page. Gee, what a revelation. Maybe because you are not a very good WR there Roy. Just a thought. then again, Romo isn't a very good QB. So in short, the Cowboys suck.

Speaking of the NFC, I'm wondering if the Saints will continue to play as well as they have, or if they will come back to the pack as they usually do. as the weather gets colder, let's see how that offense holds up.

Nothing has made me happier in recent weeks than the Giant's losing streak. I'm just saying. Notice EP hasn't said much about the GEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE-men.

OK, that's it. Comment. Tell me how much I suck. Great post, Freak.

Wednesday, November 04, 2009

Wednesday's Post

We need one more team for FNBA. The draft is tonight, but we could change it, but we won't. If we don't get one more team, i'll have to kick out Deluxe and that's really not fair to Meiz. So the pressure is on LoV, it's on like donkey kong.

Go Here
Leagueid: 343879
pword: pathword

Cmblue just informed me that Michael Irvin got booted off of dancing with the starts. I sometimes watch that show when i'm feeling gay. I've always thought Fez from "that 70's show" would be awesome on that show. Fez is also the voice of Handy Manny, cue all the ::blank stares::

Speaking of the Fez, the Pacers suck and Josh McRoberts grew his hair out like Jim from the Office. What a douche, he's a perfect fit for Indianapolis. Indianapolis might be the worse place to live in America. I started to read an article about all the great things to do in Indianapolis when I was on the plane a few weeks ago, it was awful.

Tuesday, November 03, 2009


Just going to ramble today, we'll see where it takes us. It will either be good or bad. I guess it could also be OK. Those are the three options. Terrible and great are not on the table.

Have my mom and aunt visiting again, this morning I woke up to "do you want the good news or bad news?" So I said bad news and they said my toilet was leaking. They always think the toilet is leaking. Really it is just them not pulling the shower curtain all the way shut and shower water getting out of the shower. In any case I asked what the good news was and sure enough they said "there is no good news." That's twice I've heard that phrase since keef got arrested for running dope or whatever. So I wonder if people said it a lot and I never noticed or people just now started to say it. Dunno.

For what it is worth (not much) I think that Utley is my MVP of the series so far. Lee ended up giving up too many runs yesterday so his stats aren't good, CC might be it but he lost game 1, Jeter has a good shot too, especially since his side is winning. I can't really think of another Yankee that has stood out. Some have had good games, but nobody is doing what Utley is doing.

Speaking of the World Series I thought it was interesting that in clutch at bats yesterday Arod doubled off of some guy's glove and Jeter hit into a crushing double play. At least I think that is what happened.

Didn't watch much of the Falcons/Saints. Sounds like it was close. Like the Falcons would win that at home. Looking at the stats Roddy White did me proud. Way to go Roddy. You are my hero. Although I had a bad fantasy week. My undefeated money team got crushed. Crushed big time. Slaton got benched early, that hurt. Welker was on BYE, that hurt. And the rest of my team decided not to show up. They got complacent. I'll have their respective coaches talk to them. Except Zach Miller. I will not have Cable talk to him. Cable would either punch him or punch me. Either way I don't like it.

Why is it called a donkey punch? I've never seen a donkey punch anything. In fact they seem to lack the necessary appendages to punch. I could understand donkey kick, but not donkey punch.

Saw HAIL as a license plate today. I guess they like weather or something. Or maybe Hail Hitler, or Hail to the Chief, or whatever. Either way it isn't a very interesting plate.

Bossman scheduled an 8:30am phone call. WFT? I am not sure why he does that kind of stuff. He knows I hate mornings. Of course I also hate afternoons so maybe he was damned no matter when he set the call.

By the by, looked at H's hos in that picture. I approve. Too bad they are from New England. I'd still try to have sex with them though (and fail of course.)

Back to World Series talk, why isn't FOX pimping the hell out of TV shows this time around? I don't recall getting overloaded with commercials for shows that clearly suck. Speaking of shows that clearly suck, is Strahan's show already cancelled? I figure it is. Sucks for that guy in the wheelchair, I think he is cool.

Manu had to get a rabies shot for punching a bat. ahahahahahahahahahahahahaha From what I hear rabies shots are the worse. Maybe they are better now, but back in the day I heard they were like 20 shots right into your stomach. I have no clue why I heard that, makes little sense, but I did. Probably has something to do with me being from WV.

Damn, 8:30. Gotta make that call.

Monday, November 02, 2009

Mother Nature is a whore

WFT is up with the weather here? It was in the low 60s last week and this week it's gonna be in the 90s. If I get sick, I'm blaming the weather. Or maybe I'll blame daylight savings.

Some sports happened this weekend. The mighty ducks destroyed USC. FU made UGA their bitches again. Texas whooped up on the man who's 40, which moved them back up to #2 in the polls (poles? /ep). Iowa rallied to beat Indiana, even though some folks here said that IU got hosed (hose? /ep) by the officials and should of* won. Either way, I still don't think Iowa is a top 5 team, and I really hope they lose a game because they will get embarrassed, tOSU style, against an SEC team.

In NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE action, the GGGGGGGGGGGG-men looked grate*. Also, Denver and Arizona brought out their A games on Sunday. The Jets got redemption on the Fins, and Detroit is 1 step closer to 8-8 BABY!!! Except all of those things didn't happen.

Beisbol - Who cares

So cmk watches this show called Bridezillas. I had nerve* watched it before last night. What a fucking awful show. She loves it though. I just sat there whilst watching it, and I wanted to channel my inner mize and punch out every fucking bitch on that show. Seriously, every bitch on that show needed KO'd. I don't know why those dudes are marrying those bitches. I was uncomfortable watching it. When it was over, cmk axes me "So did you like it?" I tolt her that it was the worse show I've ever seen and that if she ever has it on again I'm leaving the room and watching something else. It's funny how most chicks will say that they don't like drama, but they love shit like that. Once again, chicks are irrational.

Since I haven't had a good hsil/csil story in a while, here is one. I'm not saying it's a good story, but it's a story. hsil was getting on my nevers* this weekend. She had this "I'm hot shit, bow to me" attitude this weekend. I hate that shit. We went to a bar on Friday night that was having a costume contest and they also had karaoke. hsil thinks she's the best singer evAr! Whenever she goes to karaoke with us, she has to sign up for about 5 or 6 songs. Then she sings every song all sultry and run her hands through her hair while. It's really annoying. And before zeke & beth make the "yeah right, she's a virgin" comment, she does all that shit, but she doesn't do anything. She'll tease a dude but that's it. She doesn't ever leave the bar with a dude or do anything outside of that moment. She just likes to tease dudes because she enjoys the attention. Whenever her & csil go out, it's all about who can get more attention. That's why I rarely go out when they are going.
Then on Saturday night we went to a haunted house. We boat* our tickets and axed how long the wait was. The lady said an hour and a half so we got in line. 3 1/2 hours later we were still in line, and probably still a good hour from getting into the house. They had some promoter there walking around with a mic and saying that if someone would eat a cockroach that he had a jar full of, they could go to the front of the line with a friend. He also said he had a scorpion and that if someone ate that, they could get 3 friends and go to the front, and they would also get their tickets for free. So my buddy said he would eat the scorpion and hsil said she would eat a cockroach so that our group (7 of us) could get to the front of the line. So the promoter said he'd go get the scorpion and his "camera crew" and come back. So an hour later and we're still in line and still waiting for his crew, so we say fuck it and go get our money back for the tickets and we leave. Fucking Halloween. It's like New Year's. Tons of hype, always ends up being a dud.

I doubt most of you read that, so fuck you.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino