Friday, October 30, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Rarely do I think managers win or lose games for baseball teams but last night Charlie Manuel just about lost Game 2 for the Phils. One he left in Pedro a couple of pitches too long. The old goat had just given you 6 real good innings and the homer he gave up to Matsui was all Matsui and no Pedro. He had thrown 99 pitches I think and he was trotted back out there with a fully rested bullpen ready to deploy. Where he really killed them though was when Mariano came out in the top of the 8th for the 6 out save and Rollins draws the 10 pitch walk then Victorino singles. Full count on Utley and he doesn't send the runners. Utley grounds into a double play to end the inning with Ryan Howard on deck. You have to send the runners there. Especially with the speed you have occupying the bases at that moment. Could have been 2nd and third with the big fella up. Not a good move, at all. And I'll admit he was safe but it was real close and you can't fault the ump for that. Bang bang.

Add Charlie Manuel's patchy, pasty, pink red face to the bad HD list.

A-Rod better snap out of it quick or the NY media is going to turn on him faster than Sammy the Bull. 0-8 with 6 K's is not a good look.

Imagine, and not like he needs it but imagine Mariano Rivera had a change up in his repetoire?

AJ Burnett was unreal. Lots of Yankee fans had no faith in him. He was something else, getting stronger as the game went on. I would have let him come out for the 8th. Not a fan of the 6 out save. Even with Rivera's silly, stupid post season numbers.

Overall 17-23-2
Last Week 4-5-1
Situation -$1300

Texans -3.5 over BILLS ($200)

Going to do something strange here. Gonna take the top 3 teams that are getting heavy betting action via Las Vegas and bet against them. Bold strategy indeed. Each for $100.

San Fran +12.5 over COLTS who are getting 94% of the action right now.
Panthers +10 over CARDS who are getting a whopping 98% of the action right now.
Seahawks +9.5 over COWBOYS who are getting 87% of the action.

Browns +13 over BEARS ($300)
Like I said, I don't think the Bears are talented enough to give anyone two td's, not even the fighting Mangini's.

Vikes +3 over PACK ($200)
Jared Allen.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

This post is gonna suck...

...because I'm really tired.

Phillies beat the Yankees in Game 1 of the Wrold Series. Cliff Lee was a beast. C.C. not so much.

Celtics beat the the Bobcats to go to 2-0. Cleveland loses to Toronto to fall to 0-2. I'm pretty sure this means exactly nothing.

Pedro is sorry he beat up an old man. It was a pretty funny moment to watch. Does that make me evil?

Larry Johnson suspended 1 game and will lose about $600k for his gay slur. That will teach his f$%^&t ass. He plans to appeal the suspension. Good luck with that.

Jeff Fisher will announce his starting QB on Thursday. Owner wants Vince Young. Fisher probably doesn't want to admit his mistake in not benching Kerry Collins sooner. The Titans season is over either way, so they might as well see if VY can put together something that slightly resembles offense.

Steve would have never let this happen. He would have karate chopped the guy to death.

I guess that is all I have. Yankees suck. Blessed be!

Wednesday, October 28, 2009

One word: NBA Preview

In case you haven't heard, Bill Simmons has a new book about basketball. You should buy it. Wins prediction in parentheses.
link to comments

Also info for the LOV fnba

do it now

Atlantic Division

Boston: (58) They should be pretty good all season long in a weak division. I'm not in love with the Rasheed move, and with Big Baby out for awhile, Sheed will have to play more. Lets see how the Rondo drama plays out before we crown their asses

Philly: (44) Eddie Jordan is a solid head coach. Elton Brand is a solid PF. They need a true PG, but expect Igoudala to make a jump and Rodney Carney should improve to make this team a playoff contender again.

Torotno*: (40) Bosh will play like a madman in his contract year. Hedo will help, he's a quality playmaker with stones. Never liked the fact their two best big men would rather play on the perimeter (bargnani and bosh).

Caput Mundi: (33) D'antonio* still has his work cut out for him. Bloated payroll but they brought back kryptonate and david lee which gives them some hope. Don't sleep on Wilson Chandler, not sure how Jordan Hill fits in this system, but whatever.

New Jersey: (24) Nothing to like on this all. Devin Harris will probably be traded by February. But at least they still have the Chairman.

Central Division

Cleveland: (56) Too much drama around this team right now. Lebron is he staying is he going, Shaq-fu, and Delonte West will make things fun at least. Take Lebron off this team and they're lucky to win 25 games.

Chicago: (43) Vinny D-N has this ship in the right direction. Derrick Rose is straight gangsta. They need another perimeter scorer, maybe Hinrich picks up the slack for the loss of Ben Gordon, but I doubt it.

Indiana: (33) Who is even on this team? Freak knows, nobody else cares. Way overpaid for Dahntay Jones. I like AJ Price, but he'll be buried on their bench behind TJ Ford, Earl Watson, and Travis Diener. It's nerve smat to carry 4 pgs.

Detroit: (30) Joe Dumars fires the coach after the season....again. Nothing to like here really, Stuckey isn't a PG, Rip is old, Gordon and Charlie V both got paid, and will be coming off the bench.

Milwaukee: (23) One of the worst run franchises in the league. Mike Redd has got to want to get out of there, and he's overrated. Brandon Jennings averaged like 6 pts/game in Italy, hate to tell you this Bucks fans, the NBA is a little tougher than the Italian pro league.

Southeast Division
Orlando: (53) Still have superman. They'll miss Hedo at the end of games, but are loaded with talent. Vinsanity is overrated at this stage of his career, not a team guy.

Atlanta: (46) A good solid team, Bibby has helped tremendously and should make them a decent playoff team next year. Joe Johnson is in a contract year and I always like to say Zaza Pachulia.

Miami: (45) D-wade is gone after this season. Beasley is a huge bust,Jermaine O'neal is a ghost, but I do like Mario Chalmers. This is a 25 win team without d-wade.

Warshington: (39) Gil is back and "healthy". Tough Juice is one of the most underrated players in the league, and they have a solid bench. Health will be this teams demise. I just don't see Gil/TJ/Jamison all playing over 70 games. I do like the pickup of Mike Miller and Randy Foye...but just way too many perimeter players here.

Charlotte: (26) Michael Jordan is a hot mess, if only he could lead this team like he did the President's cup team. No Okafor, no Sean May, nobody but Gerald Wallace and Ray Felton.

Northwest Division
Denver: (57) it's a true homer pick. Carmelo should finally make that leap to be a true star. Chauncey is still solid. They don't have enough size up front and will miss JR Swish the first 7 games. They still have a huge trade exception they could use in the next month.

Portland (55) Brandon Roy is ok. Greg Oden might be ok. Too much money paid to Lamarcus Alridge and Andre Miller, but I like Miller, he's a solid veteran PG exactly what this team was missing.

Utah (48) Deron Williams is probably the 2nd best PG in the league. They'll miss Kyle Korver, and I hate Carlos Boozer.

Seattle (41) Really good young team. I ♥ Durant and Westbrook. Shaun Livingston has bionic knees, and James Harden should be a great fit.

Minnesota (22) Just an awful situation. Their 2nd best player is in Spain. I like K-Love and Big Al and Jonny Flynn is going to be a good one. This team is only 6 years away from being good.

Pacific Division
Lakers (62) I hate the Lakers. Fudge Kobe, fudge Lamar, and fudge Ron Ron. I hope Phil dies and Pau gets bad AIDS.

Clippers (39) Might be better if Blake Griffin hadn't gotten hurt. Good pieces on this team, and they'll beat some people they're not supposed to beat.

Phoenix (38) Nash finally wears out. How could Amare fall so far so fast? This team could win 50 games, but the West is brutal again, and they just don't have the horses anymore.

Golden State (38) Interesting team with Stephen Curry and a healthy Monta Ellis. A ton of afletes on this team. Nelly ball gets old though and this team has problems with a lot of bigs.

Sacramento (22) They blew up the team they had a few years ago, and this team still blows. Geoff Petrie is too smart for his own good, and they're a long long long long ways away from ever being good again. I hate you Joe Maloof.

San Antonio (60) I like the Richard Jefferson pickup, even if he is a fag. They got a steal in the 2nd round with Dajuan Blair. But health will always be their issue. I'm assuming no significant injury to Duncan, but that's a 50/50 chance. Duncan goes down and they only win 44 games.

New Orleans (46)CP3 will be spectacular, he's fun to watch. David West is solid, but Peja is just awful now. I like Okafor, and Darren Collison is going to be a good backup for CP3.

Dallas (45)Same team, same results I guess. Dirk is getting older, Jason Kidd sucks ballz, and Shawn Marion is over the hill, but might be a good fit...not.

Houston (36) Tough gritty team. They play better without McGrady, and played the Lakers pretty tough without Yao. I like Aaron Brooks and Ariza should fit in well.

Memphis (28) Really, do you want Allen Iverson mentoring Rudy Gay and OJ Mayo. Throw in Z-bo and you have disaster written all over this.

East Champion: Celtics
West Champion: Spurs*
Finals: Spurs*

This is the longest post I will ever right*

*spurs dependant on Duncan not getting hurt, 50/50 odds

Tuesday, October 27, 2009


License Plate

Sometimes I over think these things. Saw 1GRL 2NV on my way to work. I was figuring she was 1 girl on her way to Nevada. I wanted to tell her that she was going East, which is not the way to Nevada. Then I figured this is a girl El Pad would like. Well I didn't get the waist down El Pad vision view, but the top was ok. Plus she wants to go to Nevada and she had that "I'd let you eat a burrito off me" look on her face. Yep, that is a look. It is like the "Stop talking to me" look, except there is a slight smile hidden in that mean look. It is hard to detect and takes a trained eye, but it can be done.

Anyway, so this is one girl on her way to Nevada but she is taking the long route by going east. So she must have a lot of money. So, rich, likes burritos, likes gambling, that's one girl to envy.

clipper talk

Seriously? Wow. Blake is out weeks with a broken kneecap? Is it April Fool's and nobody told me? That franchise can't buy a break. Well you know a metaphorical break. They can get broken kneecaps and bones all day long. I am starting to feel sorry for them. I'd have felt sorry for them a long time ago if their owner wasn't a giant Boner. And not the giant boner that Beth likes to see. I mean he is a giant version of Mike Seaver's best friend. Like 20 feet tall and what not. I have no clue what store a giant Boner like that shops out but I am sure I don't shop there.

NHL Update

Pittsburgh and Colorado have the most points so they must be the best teams. This being a sports blog we should know who is winning NHL. Now we do. Unless I lied.

World Series Preview

Umm, Yanks in 5. There will be some pitching and hitting and catching and fielding and runs and the Yanks will score more of those.

Indians Talk

Is it too late for them to hire Lou Brown? I don't know why they got rid of him.


Movie Review

The House of the Devil

Good lord when will this reality show crap end? Now they are making movies about building houses. I know this Extreme Makeover show employs Freak and I am glad to see him getting some $$$ but they didn't need to make a movie about it. And why did they pick the Devil's house? Why not the Super Devil? He rides a fiery motorcycle and carries a jar of marmalade, much more interesting than the regular devil.

In any case it is clear that Freak did not work on this one because the sound was way off. I am going to write in a suggest that this company use Freak for all boom mic purposes. I ask you all to do the same. Tell the producers of this movie that home makeover shows should not be movies and if they are going to do a show they shouldn't do one about the devil. Nobody wants to see his house, he doesn't need the press or free advertising.

It wasn't all bad in this show though. There was a chick carpenter and since it was the devil's house bad things kept happening to her. And by bad I mean some things that a viewer removed from the situation would enjoy watching. Like if you were watching it live it would feel uncomfortable, but if you were watching it in the comfort of your own home then you might say, "haha she got what she wanted anyway. That's right it is opposite world down here in hell (where it was filmed). No means Yes down here." But since it is a movie, even a reality movie, I am sure it was scripted. All those shows, even ones where the devil rapes a carpenter chick are fake. And seriously, she got what she deserved, that's why men are carpenters and women bake tasty treats. If some chick is going to wear a tool belt then she is just asking for the devil to make unwelcome know because they clearly are really welcome.

half a helmet sticker out of 5.

*IRTM (it's real to me)

Monday, October 26, 2009

Witty title

What a weekend of football. Alabamer should have lost. If they didn't have that 400lb fatas. block 2 FGs (AHIK*) they would have lost. Cincy continued to roll, even w/o their QB. Iowa wins on a last second score, and then they move up 2 spots in the BCS rankings. Iowa beats N. Iowa & Arkansas State by a total of 4 pts and then beat a 4-4 MSU team on a last second score, and they're ranked 4th. I know it's not a big deal because it's October, but if Iowa does end up going undefeated and finish in the top 2 (AHIK*), they will get steamrolled in the title game.

In NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE action, there were lots of blowouts. Colts, Pats, Bangles*, Chargers, Packers, Jets all won by at least 4 TDs. The purple kods finally lost. Alex Smiff came in and almost looked like a #1 draft pick. Dolphins had the Saints down but couldn't finish it.

So I guess Sam Bradtard* is gonna have season ending surgery (shocking) and then enter next season's NFL draft (shocking). Sucks for him that he cost himself probably about $10-15 mil by coming back to school this year.

I'm not watching the beisbol game, but right now it's 3-1 Yankees in the 7th inning. Yanks/Phils WS is just awful. Giants are also losing 24-14 right now to the Cardinals. Hopefully there aren't TVs down in Jamaica. Or if there are, hopefully they're at least 6 feet off the ground.
*Update: Yanks win, Carston Charles v. Clifton Pfifer Lee in Game 1 on Wednesday. Cleveland Indians fans rejoice!!!

I didn't see UFC104, but it sounds as if Rua outperformed Machida, but Machida got the unanimous decision. I guess they've already verbally agreed to a rematch. So that will probably suck.

Csil was telling me about how on Friday night she and a friend were guinea pigs for some police training in Phoenix. They got to drink throughout the night and after each drink, the police would field test them and give them a breathalyzer. I guess she ended up having 10 drinks and blew a .16. Then she drove home. I keed. But that sounds like a pretty suite gig. Her friend is dating a cop (who's married with kids) so I tolt her to tell me the next time they have that training because I like to drink for free too.

Go comment...

Friday, October 23, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Taking the Yahoo lines, if they change oh well. Every pick is worth 100 units.

Just remember as you read this I'm just waking up, hopefully, and will probably wash my mouth out with some rum, then go down to the breakfast buffet and eat 11 pounds of bacon then take a dip in the salty, calm, turquiose Carribean sea.

EAD, DET, lean back nigga.

Overall: 13-18-1
Last Week: 0-4-1
Situation: -1200

BROWNS +7 over Green Bay
That O-line is turrible right now. Any front can get to Rodgers.

Colts -13 over RAMS
Suicide pick da jour.

PITTSBURGH -4 over Farveputians
6-1, Steelers hit Farve alot and hopefully the weather sucks.

New England -14 over TAMPA
59-0 again?

San Fran +3 over TEXANS
Can't figure the Houston squad out, I think it's their turn to lose this weekend.

Bears +1.5 over BENGALS
They have to win a road game. They have too.

Falcons +3.5 over DALLAS
Cowboys shouldn't give points right now, especially to a team that is clearly better than them. I don't care if the game is played at Jerry Jones's house with Troy Aikman as the ref.

New Orleans -6 over MIAMI
My god. The Saints are what weazy would call, REDONK.

NYG -7 over Arizona
Let's see what the Giants are made of. Are they imposters or champions?

SKINS +6.5 over Eagles
The Sherminator reigns supreme.

Piece out Mon!

Thursday, October 22, 2009

No witty title

I'm not special enough to get a milestone post. Oh well.

Phillies win. Thanks a lot for showing up, Dodgers. Rev is probably celebrating with a bottle of champagne and 2 dozen Krispy Kremes as we speak. Too bad the Phillies are about to run into the Yankee buzzsaw. I honestly don't want to see either of those teams win the World Series, so barring a miracle comeback by the Angels, this guy will not be watching any WS games. Take that, MLB!

Cedric Benson thinks the Bears badmouthed him and that's why he had trouble finding another team to play for. how about the fact that you pretty much sucked in your first 3 years with the Bears? That might have been a factor.

As I reported earlier in the week, my band is no more. Long story short, one guitar player had to quit because of some personal issues. The bass player, already unhappy with the overall direction of the band, decided that rather than go through a search for a new guitar player, he would follow suit and leave the band to persue other opportunities. So the remaining three members decided to just call it quits and go out with a bang at our next show, which will be our last show. Between that, my birthday celebration and the Girls Gone Wild tour bus, we should accomplish just that. Too bad none of you guys can make it.

Funny cab story (maybe just to me). I sent one of my drivers to pick up Patriots' LB Derek Burgess. When Burgess got in the car, one of the other drivers came over the air and asked why Burgess has been so unproductive this season. No reply from that car yet. Hopefully, my driver isn't hurt or dead.

Last note, it seems like LOV contributors are dropping like flies. First Freak dropped out, then as. and now Tyler. WFT? Pretty soon every one will be replaced by new blood. I suppose it is good to get new perspective and such, but honestly, D- is D- no matter who writes it.

Wednesday, October 21, 2009

Sport Start

This is to get us throught the great Tyler debacle of 2009.

According to TMQ, the world is going to end in 2012, he must have the same friend as Tem.

Anyone know when the next Haley's comet is? I have a friend who saw it and said it looked really cool.

Balloon boy's 911 tape was released yesterday...funny stuff. The dad seemed really concerned (s).

For Halloween i'm thinking about going as Meiz. I'll buy one of those broncos jerseys and a brewers hat.

Apparently, now that A-roid is no longer living with the secret of his juicing, he uses it in the playoffs

That is all for now...and for later probably

Tuesday, October 20, 2009


License Plate

Saw TANGYE yesterday. I guess that is Easy E's little sister, Tangy. Speaking of tangy, is that a word that any girl would want to be called? Beth, chime in on this. If some dude called you tangy would that get you all moist? Tangy and moist, words girls don't want to hear.

sports talk

The Bucs suck. Wow. Josh Johnson is showing me something, but he ain't showing me how to throw a TD pass. He is running a decent offense though, I'll give him that. What is terrible on that team is the D. The D is just horrendous. Wow, the Tampa D might be the worst D in the league. Brady might throw 8 TDs against them. I think 8 TDs would get him back to that elite level that El Pad banished him from....yeah I know El Pad, you said if he sucks for another year he will fall out of the elite level, but it is more fun to twist your words.

Broncos are 6-0. Good work McDaniels. When I watch games I find myself thinking, wow that guy seems like he really cares, seems like he is totally into it and seems like a total douchebag. I don't know what it is about him, but I think he might be a great coach and would even be fun to hang out with if he wasn't in douche mode, but I just sense a super douche mode being there. Not Mangini douche level, but close.

work and other random talk

Old ass secretary had some surgery that has kept her out of commission for like 6 weeks. They have a temp now that is pretty hot. But I don't get it. She has a 4 yr degree in marketing, but is working as a secretary. She is a hot chick with a marketing degree and she can't get a marketing job? What gives? Maybe she is really a dude.

Peeped game on some old school Motley Crew and Poison videos whilst bowling last night. I think a good rule of thumb is to never say any chick is attractive in those videos. Half the time they are really dudes.

I read that Bert had never been 6-0 before, is that true?

Not sure if I put deodorant on or not. Also I had mucho Coors Light last night. Coors Light apparently gives me deadly gas. I'm not sure I won't knock someone out today. I'm going to have to go out with the smokers and take farting breaks.

The deodorant I have in my desk, you know just in case I forget to put some on at home is AXE. Fuck AXE.

movie review

I'm going to have to do one later because I am already running late.

Monday, October 19, 2009

Free internets > than LP's betting advise*

Congrats to LP for getting a push in his betting column. Way to go! You didn't lose money on that bet.

Some big fantasy performances this weekend from MJD, Brees, and Brady. In fact, Tom Brady set a new record for fantasy points by a non-elite quarterback. It's good for him that he had such a solid game because he was 1 more interception from being out of the league.

So apparently that Colorado family has a reality show in the works, and this whole balloon nonsense was a big marketing ploy. I'm shocked but not surprised. They'll probably get fined a shit ton of money and have to reimburse the city/state/feds for costs incurred, but it will be paid by the company producing their show and then they'll go on to make millions. America!! Love it or leave it!

I'm so sick of moving. Thank God this will be the last time we'll move for a long time. I've moved 10 times in the last 9 years. We spent all day Sunday trying to get the house and back yard cleaned up, and we still have a garage full of little stuff that we need to move still. W to the oe

I fucking hate Philly teams. They're right up there with NY and Boston teams, as far as I'm concerned. I hate the Dodgers too, but I would much rather see them in the WS than to see the Phillies again. So come on, Dodgers. Mix in a hit every now and then. But it really doesn't matter who wins the NL, anyway. We're witnessing grateness* over in the Bronx.

Lions are 1 step closer to 8-8. Lock it up!

3 people died during a marathon in Detroit this weekend. That's what you get for running. I used to run. But then I learnt that you might die whilst doing it, so I stopped. The only time I run now is when I miss the ice cream truck drive by.

mize is an FNBA legend, apparently. He can draft from any spot, drunk or sober, woeful or woeless, and he'll still win money. We probably should still have our FNBA league, you know, just in case of the off chance that someone else can step up.

I think that's all.

Friday, October 16, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Dodgers blow home field. And blow in general. Chan Ho Park. WFT. 96mph fastball. Did he go to Korea and get a new arm or some shit. I don't remember him ever looking that dominant. Throwing 96 then dropping a 88 mph slider. That was filth. Padilla vs Pedro. Cmon. What is this 2002? ALCS will be 100 times more exciting and it starts tonight, although the weather is very fucked up here. 39 degrees and rain with winds and shit, not baseball weather. Why did MLB wait almost a week to play anyway, it's their fault. Game 7 is like Thanksgiving now. Which will interfere with the Giants ass whupping on the Broncos that day. Not cool.

Overall 13-14
Last Week 2-2
Situation -350

Texas -3 over Oklahoma
Longhorns need to make a statement here because it looks like Alabama will play for the national title if it wins out. AHIK but still, you have to seach for pressure sometimes. Oklahoma's national title hopes are gone and this was not the year for them anyway. The offensive line is not all that good and they just lack that explosive playmaker.

Kansas -10 over COLORADO
Just cause the trend is hot, Kansas is 8-0 ATS in the last 8 games vs. a team with a losing record. They take care of bidness.

Philly-14 @ Oakland
Spread could be 30 and you'd be like, um, 30 is high but the Raiders are terrible.

JETS -9.5 over Bills
I am not fond giving this many points in a AFC EAST game but the Bills have proven to be just as terrible as any of the Fucktastic Four that are dwindling about the NFL basement. You can't say Bucs, Rams, Raiders, Cheifs without saying Bills (honorable mention to the Browns). So that rabid Jet crowd will probably make life miserable on the Bills. Owner Ralph Wilson doesn't believe in firing the HC mid season but damn Jauron is testing his patience.

CHARGERS-3.5 over Broncos
I'm not saying the Broncos are a fluke, it's obvious they are a good football team but they have gotten very lucky in some games. I mean if you put game one aside for a minute they played two terrible teams after that and the Cowboys I mean jesus christ I re-watched that game on NFL network and they should have killed Denver. Give credit to Josh McDaniels though, he puts guys in the right position and knows his players. Chargers have been underwhelming but off a bye are probably going to be pretty tough to beat at home on a Monday night.

Thursday, October 15, 2009

What the fuck?

I spit hot fyre.

Beth doesn't spit anything.

LP is dying from Dwarfism.

H died from blood loss of the brain.

Keith is concussed.

Steve forgot to wear his helmet.

Tem is not a Doctor. He's a scientist.

Packer died of old age.

Kod froze to death.

Jug's spaceship lost cabin pressure.

Zeke was killed by the CIA for hating America.

Rev had a massive heart attack.

Spiff is hiding in a secret underground bunker.

Tyler's got alcohol poisoning.

Blue is being held hostage for all his riches.

Freak is lazy.

Baseball resumes tonight. GO.

Wednesday, October 14, 2009


Man, it is FREEZING over here. Must be at least 65 degrees outside. FREEZING.

I was reading this article yesterday, and it brought up a good point; two months ago, did you really think that the Broncos would be 5-0? They hired a rookie head coach who pissed off their star QB, who then demanded a trade and was shipped off for a scrub replacement; their star receiver then demanded a trade and was relegated at one point to the practice squad; throw in a rookie starting Running Back and everyone thought this was going to be a hot mess. Somehow, they're 5-0. Like the article said, they've got a rough schedule for the next couple of games and then it evens out a little, but I think they can easily win their division mainly because of their good start. And the fact that the Chargers are playing terrible. I thought the Broncos were headed to the basement of a bad division before the season started, but they have pretty much surprised everyone. They can still choke though, because you just can't trust any team from Denver nowadays.

So I was driving home yesterday and they were talking about Rush trying to buy the Rams. At first, I thought that would be totally awesome, but then I thought, "Wait, they're Canadian, wouldn't they be more interested in buying a hockey team?" Then they said it was Rush Limbaugh. So that was boring and I changed the channel. I think it would be totally rad if Rush, the band, bought the Rams.

Stephen Jackson got into it with some replacement refs and then told Nellie he didn't want to be Captain anymore. You stay classy Stephen.

NLCS: Dodgers vs. Cheesesteaks starts tomorrow. Obviously, I am rooting for the Dodgers. I am worried about the starting pitching on both sides. Philly is strong, the Dodgers are not, but they've gotten strong starts from bizarre places lately. Both offenses are potent and can score a lot of runs in a short amount of time, but the one thing that I like that the Dodgers have in their favor is the bullpen. It's gonna be an interesting series.

ALCS: Angles* vs. Yanks starts Friday. Girardi says he might go with the 3-man starting rotation again. Both bullpens have their problems. That Yankee offense is nice, but the Angles score in creative ways. Again, I think it's going to be a very good series.

Wade Phillips is not ready to make Miles Austin a starter. Yeah, he's going to keep rolling with Roy Williams and Patrick Crayton. This is why the Cowboys are a debacle. I know they've got a lot invested in Roy Williams, but it's time to cut your losses. He's just not going to be a #1 receiver. Maybe Austin isn't either, he's done more in one game than Roy Williams has done in his entire Cowboy career. And he singlehandedly won that game for the 'Boys. And yeah, I know he did that against the Chiefs, but I don't think Roy Williams could have done that against the Chiefs. That's all I'm sayin'.

In other news, DirecTV apparently deleted ESPN Classic from whatever package I subscribe to and didn't teerll me. I was a little pissed about it until I realized that I now get NBA TV, and then I remembered that I barely ever watch ESPN Classic, so it was actually good news.

Tuesday, October 13, 2009


License Plate

4SMURFS. I get what it says, but wft? Is the car for Smurfs? If so it is too big, Smurfs are 3 apples high, they couldn't possible see over the steering wheel or reach the pedals. Not even with 10 pillows and some extenda-legs stolen from the Special Olympics. Maybe the family that owns it is four Smurfs, or at least 4 people small in stature. We may never know.


I am in a woe mood today. So I don't have much rant-ability going right now. I'll say this though, lately people have been leaving their turn signals on way too often. Not just Asians, women and old people either. Like normal looking dudes who should know better. I don't know what is going on but I think it is a sign of the Apocalypse. If normal people can't drive right then I'm just going to lose it. In the pool.

tem thoughts on headlines

Sources: Ex-Jaguars' Jones to work out for Bucs - Is he going to snort coke or something?

Texas RBs day to day - Aren't we all just day to day?

Eli: Heel not aggravated against Raiders - So now his heel has feelings too?

I am too tired for that section to work. That sucked. Woe.

tem movie review


This movie is part comedy and part horror flick. Mostly comedy though. There are a couple good scenes that will make you jump, but for the most part it is just funny. Which is good because people like funny. So people should like this movie.

The basic plot is that Zombies have taken over the world. So there are like a handful of normal people left. Woody Harrelson is one and he is some sort of badass. He likes Dale Earnhardt and killing Zombies. I gotta say Woody is downright hilarious in this movie. Kind of like in Kingpin.

The other main character was supposed to be that Michael Cera guy, but apparently he wasn't available so they got Jessie Eisenberg. I have no clue who he is but Jessie Eisenberg is to Michael Cera and Omar Epps is to Wesley Snipes. That'll be on the SAT some day. Or ACT or whatever test you take for college nowadays.

So anyway, the two dudes meet up, decide to hang out, meet some chicks and hilarity ensues. I won't spoil any of the plot twists for you (since there are only like 2), but I will say that this is a good movie. You'll get exactly what you expect out of it, a few good laughs.

4 telmet stickers out of 5.

Monday, October 12, 2009

Spot start time!

Well since keef had some convoluted explanation for why he can't post today (which I totally read as "I'm being mizey") I figured I'd take the initiative and throw something up.

Good lord, was it really just 3 days ago I was saying I believed UGA was 1 of the 25 best teams in the nation regardless of rank? Wow, I haven't been so wrong about anything since I initially pictured EP as some big tall NY'er. I didn't watch most of the game but I know there's a small part of the fan base that is starting to grumble about Richt, which is just ridiculous in my opinion. I bet FSU would love to have him back, Jumbo Fisher or no Jumbo Fisher. But damn they looked AWFUL against Tenn.

On a positive Atlanta football note, the Falcons looked damn good this weekend, although to be honest a big part of it was the 49'ers looking like they were sleep-walking. (Sorry Singletary, when your team is playing like that no amount of screaming and cursing at them will wake them up.) How's that 8-8 bet feeling for you right now Kod?

So apparently 3 of the 4 baseball playoff series were sweeps. Yawn. At least O:FB is still in effect. Can we switch it now to O:FNY? Or at least the Yankees. I don't care who wins the series as long as it's not them, but I don't have much hope for that.

Not many of you may care but the US formally qualified for the 2010 World Cup over the weekend. I read an interesting stat about that this weekend which surprised me. US Soccer gets it's (usually deserved) share of grief but only five other nations have reached six consecutive World Cups -- Brazil, Germany, Italy, South Korea and Spain.

Ok, this posting stuff is tiring. I'm done

Friday, October 09, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Little treat for a Friday, hopefully this motivates you to WIN WIN WIN at whatever it is you are doing today. Go get em champ.

Ok, now you are pumped up.

I was flipping around last night and saw the "Premiere" of the first UFL game on Versus. It was the California Redwoods vs the Las Vegas Locomotives. Dennis Green pitted against Jim Fassel. Very interesting. First, JP Losman is the Las Vegas QB. Marcel Ship is the RB and PJ Sams is the return man for the Redwoods. The rest of the players seemed to be smaller and slower than any NFL talent I've seen. Which makes for a pretty bad game. The game was actually competitive and I did stick around until the 4th quarter so I don't know what that says about me. I know I'm a football junkie and can be entertained as easily as a cat with a carpeted pole but in retrospect this was painful to watch. I'd probably watch it again if nothing else was on. Denzel Washington's kid was the RB for California. Also there was about four to six thousand people in the stands. Maybe. I'm awful at guesstimating shit like that, one time I entered a contest/raffle to guess how many jelly beans was in a jar and I guess like 600 and it turned out to be like 1600. So I lost.

Not surprised the Dodgers won. Albeit on a error basically. Ryan Franklin WAS SHOOK after that. Poor Holliday. Actually, if he played in NY or Boston he would have been shot by now. In St. Loo they all probably left an apple pie on his porch. Dodgers must close out game 3 or the Cards will end up getting to Carp and Wainwright (who was brilliant) again. And then, then, I would expect the Cards to win. Dodgers get it done though. I think they sweep and Colorado upsets the reverends. Be careful though Blue, Phillies have a much better road record. NL WEST, NLCS will happen. Boring I know. But ever since Torre took that Dodger job you just knew he would end up facing the Yankees in the World Series. You know it, I know it, we just have to come to terms with it, accept it and move on. It's football season for crissakes anyway. None of you should care cept blue, H, rev, spiff and T.

Overall : 11-12
Situation : -550
Last Week : 4-3

Nothing at the college board grabs me. Yet.

Tampa Bay +14.5 over EAGLES
Just think McNabb will struggle, usually does after some time off. Enough so Tampa stays within striking distance. Hell maybe even a crazy upset. Probably not but they will start giving Cadillac the ball more and he is their best player, even with two fake knees. Which is sad.

Browns +6 over BILLS
Buffalo giving points is a joke right now. They are as bad or worse than any of the bottom 5 teams except for the Raiders. Dick Jauron hot seat is on FIYYAAAAAAA after this one.

CAROLINA -3.5 over Redskins
Time to get on the board. Skins are worse than anyone thought.

Minnesota -11.5 over St. LOO
Massacre at the Ed Jones dome.

Thursday, October 08, 2009

Thirsty Thursday

Yup, so the playoffs have started. That's fun. Yankees won. No shock there. Nor is it shocking that the Phillies won. I'm a bit surprised, however, that the Dodgers won. They've been scuffling a bit since the break and it took them a while to clinch that division. I thought St. Louis would snatch game 1. Guess not.

I was going to do a Red Sox/Angels preview, but EP accomplished that already. I pointed out where I disagree with his assessment though. I think regualr season records are irrelevent. Last year, the angels took 8 games out of 9 versus the Red Sox in the regular season, and still failed to win their playoff matchups, so going 5-4 against the Red Sox this year is a non-factor. This series will be all about pitching. Game 1 & 2 both feature good, even pitching matchups. The Red Sox send John Lester & Josh Beckett to the hill to face the Angels' John Lackey & Jered Weaver, respectively. Notorious for his Fenway struggles, Lackey must be doing backflips knowing that he will not pitch there in this series. Beckett has had back issues down the stretch and there are questions whether he can be the dominate pitcher that we have seen in postseasons past. In all honesty, I think this series returns to Boston tied at 1. Game 3's matchup is still undecided. Scott Kazmir will start for the Angels and Clay Buchholz is currently slated for the Sox, although they could go with Daisuke Matsuzaka. Scott Kazmir had struggles at Fenway early in his career, but he was 2-0 there this year, amd over the last 4 seasons, he has gone 4-3 with a 3.18 ERA, 52 Ks and 23 BB. Clay Buchholz was solid down the stretch until his last 2 starts, especially the final start of the season where he surrendered 5 HRs. Dice-K has pitched well since returning from the disabled list, but he is unpredictable and does not go deep into games. Either way, game 3's pitching matchup favors the Angels. The teams will likely split in Boston as well, sending the series back to anaheim for a decisive game 5. given the Sox road struggles this season, if they don't win it at Fenway, they don't win this series. bottom line, I think Angels in 5.

In non-sports related comments, I've been up late the last 3 nights for work and I've had a chance to peep game on the late night NBC talk shows. I've never been a huge Conan fan, so his move to the tonight show is not great to me. He does basically the same stuff he did on his show, which I really should have expected. So basically they moved the conan O'Brien show up an hour. Next up is Jimmy Fallon, and he is still awful. He's not funny, his delivery is painfully terrible, and he laughs at his own jokes. Not a good combination for a comedian. I don't know how this guy is still employed. Lastly is Last Call with Carson Daly. Carson amuses me because he tries painfully hard to be cool, and it is just so obvious that he is efforting. Overall the show is at least watchable.

In my first post, I did some requests and dedications, Casey Kasem style. In that spirit, I'd like to send a trifecta of songs out to our man Jug. Thos songs would be "Tuesday's Gone" by Lynyrd Skynyrd, "Train" by Three Doors Down, and "Night Train" by Guns 'n' Roses. Hope you're feeling better big guy.

I don't have much else to say today. I won't review an album since everyone bitched last week.

Read, react. Have fun. Out.

Wednesday, October 07, 2009

NLDS preview

To start off, the Rockies are cheaters. The umpires obviously favor the Rockies because they allow them to trap fly balls and call them outs. The Rockies are also good actors, as seen in this video. Ok, enough about the Rockies.

The first matchup today is the Phillies and the aforementioned Rockies. These two teams are actually fairly even. Top 2 scoring teams in the NL, Phillies had one more win, they have the top 2 team .OPS in the NL. Both teams have a really strong middle infield, and both teams strike out a lot. Phils won 4 of the 6 times they played this year, of course that was before the Brad Lidge implosion. Pitching wise, on paper (and with recognizable names) the Phils have distinct advantage in their starting rotation. Clifton Phifer Lee, Cole Trickle Hamels, Pedro (not a mess) Martinez versus Ubaldo (??) Jiminez, Aaron Cook, and Jorge De La Rosa...De La rosa has won more games than any other pitcher in the NL since June 1st...unfortunately his vagina hurts so he didn't get put on the roster this round. Cliff Lee has struggled lately, Ubaldo walks a lot of guys but has unbelievable stuff. He could walk 8 guys and it wouldn't surprise me, he also has the lowest ERA ever for a Rockies starter, in the mid 3's (that's kind of sad actually). In the end, I think Lidge blows at least one save, the rockies have a flair for the dramatic win in late innings anyway. ROCKTOBER!!!! Rockies win in 4, partly because of a catch that wasn't a catch and replay shows they dropped it. Plus they're predicting snow this weekend for the series, so that should be fun.

Dodgers and Cardinals are the other matchup. This looks like a lopsided matchup to be honest. The Dodgers limped into the playoffs, and have been playing .500 ball since about June 15th. The Cardinals have been outstanding since the Matt Holliday trade, a really potent 3-4 in the middle of that lineup. Starting pitching has to be in the Cardinals favor, they have 2 Cy Young candidates, and the Dodgers have....Randy Wolf. Clayton KKKKershaw has the ability to dominate his start, but he walks way too many guys and throws a ton of pitches. I wouldn't be shocked but not surprised if he threw 110 pitches in 5 innings with 10ks and 5 walks and had to come out of the game. So i'm taking Carpenter and Wainwright in games 1 and 2. The only hope for the Dodgers is the Manny and Torre factors. Manny might strike out 4 times in game 1 (unless he's taking the fertility drugs again), and then come back and go 4-5 with 2HRs and 5r(s)bi in game 2. He's hot, he's cold, he's the epitome of the LA Dodgers. Andre Ethier should be on a melrose place like show....that doesn't really matter here, but I just wanted to throw that in, he's so beautiful mize would do him, and mize hates pussy. Cardinals in a sweep and Pujols gives Manny herpes.

In the AL...who gives a shit, the Yankees are going to win it all.

Tuesday, October 06, 2009


License Plate


I have no clue. It was on an Acura.

Also I saw 1 BRN SON and PNZYWFE. Those were somewhat baffling as well. I understand what 1 BRN SON says, but not exactly sure what that one means.


Bert won. Good job Bert. Vikes fans are excited, they will be bummed in week 12 when he has fallen apart. It'll happen. I know it will happen, you know it will happen, even Ernie knows it will happen.

tem thoughts

Had dreams last night that made me all "woe" this morning. Not sure what was up with that. Woke up real "woe." I am better now though. It is kind of a weird feeling waking up and feeling like you were betrayed by all of your friends, but not exactly sure why. I think it had something to do with Nazis, Zombies and New York City. My dreams are somewhat messed up.

tem posting

I'm running late, just gonna post this now.


So Letterman was having an affair? Who cares? What celeb isn't having one? Celebs kind of make me sick with this crap, can't they just be faithful? Actually the more I think about it the more I figure celebs cheat just as much as normal folk. People cheat too much. Quit cheating...cheaters.

Also after much thought I have decided that the landing strip is my favorite. I just thought everyone should know that.

Some IT guy quit here. Everything moves fine without him. He was high level too, probably made like $150K or something. I think IT guys just get paid to stand around until something breaks. If shit is working fine then they are basically worthless. We should just hire one full time IT guy and then outsource the other 5 hours of work that is needed.

I have already lost track of my softball stats, but I think I have gotten out twice in like 10 legit at bats. Legit at bats being non-walks, non sac flys. So I am probably 8 for 10. Of course it is a co-ed league so that makes it a lot easier than As.'s all dude league.

I don't think the Sports Guy's wife should be allowed to be called the Sports Gal. She doesn't even like Sports. Erin Andrews can be the Sports Gal. I guess. Also I read a headline that the FBI arrested some man for filming her. All I can say is this....PARDON THAT MAN. Good lord Obama don't fuck this up. Pardon that man. Good grief, his written request (or video request) for a pardon could just be "COME ON....COME ON" like in Family Guy.

Speaking of Family Guy that show has gotten out there man. They are basically out of references too. They have referenced everything, save my list from a few weeks ago. Still can't believe that stuff hasn't been referenced.

Oh and Inglorious Basterds, weird movie, not really a good date movie. I should have clarified why I was asking about it. My bad.

speaking of movies.

tem movie review

New York, I Love You

Written by, directed by and staring El Pad this is a movie about New York. From its amazing pizza to its coked out hookers this film has it all. El Pad takes you into the town like you have never seen it before. Watch as he starts his own footlong mozz stick stand and see how the locals take to it! Watch how he gets a chub when hsiloelpad sits on his lap then takes it out on his wife. Literally and figureatively. But it isn't all roses and lollipops, there are some bad things in New York too. El Pad has to pay the barber and has to be a Mess fan. Appropriately this movie is for mature audiences only....which means nobody here can watch it.

2 helmet stickers out of 5.

Monday, October 05, 2009


Weekend flew by. Spent about 20 hours trying to get our floors finished. All I have left is putting the baseboards and the room dividers down. Gotta get that ish done this week so we can move in next weekend. Cmk is up my as. about this since it's taken over 3 weeks now. Woe.

I didn't see much fooyball* over the weekend. ND squeaked by again. They need to step up and blow someone out to get any respect. Da U gets a big win against OU, not sure they would have won if Bradtard* was playing. UM loses a tough game against Sparty in OT.

The Lions are on their way to 3-13. Sorry mize. This might have been the dumbest bet erve* made by you. But the good news for you is the Breers finished ahead of the Reds so give me a name/pic for the week. But LP owes me a steak dinner with just an ounce of hot sauce since the 'nati finished within 10 games of the Mess. Hell, they almost finished 10 games ahead of the Mess

zeke, your name/pic for the day is My jersey is suite

No softball tonight. I had to skip it to try and get shit at the house done.

That's all I got. Sorry about the effort.

Friday, October 02, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Record: 7-9
Situation: -$400
Last week: 2-4


Alabamer -16.5 over Kentucky
Bama is the real #1 team in the country. And on a collision course to prove it come SEC title game vs Florida. Anyone in their way is going to get suffocated. That's just the way it is.
By the way, Bama is 7-1 ATS in the last 8, the one being the bowl game in which Utah beat them pretty bad. A motivational tool Nick Saban has been using ever since.($200)

Penn State -7 over ILLINI
After the Iowa loss last year the Nitanny Lions pummeled Indiana. Replace Indiana with Illini. -7 is a bargain. Illini are awful. ($100)


Titans -2.5 over JAGS
I know I said I'd stay away from the Titans but I just can't quit Fisher. ($200)

FINS +2 over Bills
And I have no idea why. Every stat says go the other way but I just feel like with the loss of McKelvin and Whitner the secondary is weak and Miami can run on anyone. Sparano's team is starving for the first win of the season and just a year ago swept the series from the Bills with pretty much the same team. ($100)

Chargers +6.5 over STEELERS
Super Bowl Hangover huh, talk about the Cards look at the 1-2 Steelers. Steelers can't protect Big Ben and they can't run the ball either. The defense is not what it was last year, at least right now. Chargers have never won in Three Rivers or Heinz, 0-13 to be exact. But that's not to say it's never been close. Sunday night football got themselves a damn good game right here. I also like the over (43). ($200 on the Bolts, $100 on the over)

Bengals -6 0ver BROWNS
I don't know. Betting against the Browns just feels right. Sort of like going to the movies back in the day with your girl. You knew as soon as the movie was 10 minutes in you were going up her shirt and feeling her up. Just felt right. ($250)

Thursday, October 01, 2009

Just woke up...

Man I'm slacking. I'll post more in a bit.

Quick sports takes

Phillies finally clinch NL East. Took them long enough. They still need to get their closer situation resolved.

Rockies magic number down to one for the wild card. I see a first round exit to follow.

Dodgers are playing terrible right now. I don't think Colorado will catch them, but they're making it interesting.

Indecision by Matt Diaz killed the Braves' charge for the wild card. Beth is sad.

Red Sox continue to back into the playoffs. Someone on sportsradio yesterday said the 2000 yankees lost 16 of their last 18 and still won the world series. The 09 Sox are not the 00 Yankees.

I hope Brett Favre's arm gets ripped off Monday so ye can finally just GO AWAY!

H's half-assed album review

So I decided to do a weekly album review. Why not? And to kick it off, I'm going to do two.

First up is Alice in Chains with their album Black Gives Way to Blue. The band's first studio album in 14 years, and first without the late Layne Staley, falls a little short. New singer William Duvall does a decent job and Jerry Cantrell's songwriting is still solid, but there is nothing significant or noteworthy about any of the tracks. Elton John makes a contribution to the album, playing piano on the title track, a ballad honoring Staley. There is nothing about the piano playing that makes it special, so it comes across as a PR move, attaching a big name to the release. Bottom line, the album is not without good songs and decent music, but it just was too obvious that the band was missing a key element. I give it a 2.5 out of 5

Next up, Lynyrd Skynyrd's newest release God & Guns. I don't understand how a band that has more dead members than live ones can release an album, but whatever. This album starts off well with a rock anthem Still Unbroken. This track has a nice rock feel reminiscent of Three Doors Down. Solid song. Then the album takes a sharp left turn and becomes a country album. Its pretty formulaic from that point on. A bunch of songs, namely the title track and That Ain't My America, reminisce about the way things used to be. There is an attempt at a folk rock song with the track Floyd, and a tribute to the fans with Skynyrd Nation. And finally the last track of the album, Gifted Hands, comes across as a Christian rock ballad. Overall, God & Guns is a solid entry with some decent songs, but it is a little all over the place. It seems as though the band couldn't decide on one direction, so they tried to do a little of everything, with mixed results. 3 out of 5

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino