Wednesday, September 09, 2009

Nine-Nine-Oh-Nine.

Today is brought to you by the number nine. Click here for more useless facts about today. Feel free to be "that guy" and email it to everyone in the office; but make sure to copy/paste and then format each paragraph with a different color/font before you send it. Bonus points will be awarded for the most creative use of Comic Sans*. Regards.

I wanted to set the time for this post at 9:09am, but people are gonna bitch about it, so 7:09, there ya go.

I am pissed that Freak screwed up the playoffs for the FMLB league. In the recorded history of Fantasy Sports, Freak is the worst commish ever**.

I like how Jordan went the unconventional way and picked Skywalker to introduce him into the HoF. He pretty much had a long list of anyone in or out of the sport to ask, (like who would turn him down) and he decided to go with a guy who was a giant influence on his own game. I heard that Ahmad Rashad almost had Someecards write and illustrate an "Are We Still Friends Even Though You Asked An Ex-Addict Give Your HoF Speech?" ecard but decided against it. Ahmad shouldn't be that upset about it, all they really do is show a bunch of highlights and say, "Please welcome the newest addition to the HoF...", it's really not that big of a deal anymore. Relax Ahmad, you can still light his cigars and get him his drinks during the reception. And at the after-party. And when you tuck him into bed at night.

FOOTBALL!!! I can't wait for tomorrow. I have been getting home right at 5:30 or so lately, so my ass will be parked on the couch in front of the TV with beer in hand. It does suck that it's a Doucheburgh game though. I could have gone with...wait a second, all of these match-ups pretty much suck. Gints/Skins, I guess? Or Green Bay/Chicago? I'd take either of those over Steelers/Titans. I am hoping against hope that the Bengals/Broncos game is a 10am game, because if anything is going to give you eye-cancer, watching that game will. But football is football, and it's finally go-time, so I really don't care.

As if ESPN wasn't already the Spawn of Satan; Tedy Bruschi is going to join them as an NFL analyst. I hope "How to Make a Deal with the Devil to Extend Your Playing Career" is gonna be a regular segment on Sportscenter.

Jim Breuer. If you're asking yourself, "Hey, whatever happened to that guy?", well, I'm gonna tell you. He is on my TV right now trying to sell me the New Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Pizza. And his catchphrase is "Jackpot!!!" Sorry Jim, but that stuffed crust pizza tastes like ass. Didn't Pizza Hut try this a few years ago? Well, now they are blatantly abandoning the stuffed crust idear and instead they put "a ring of cheese" near the crust, which isn't exactly a stuffed crust if you ask me, but that's what they're calling it. And it probably still tastes like ass. I'm thinking that when Jim was sitting in the inner-tube, wading in the pool, yelling "Jackpot!" for the commercial spot, he's gotta be thinking, "Man, this is a lowpoint". Until those Pizza Hut checks start rolling in. I need to figure out a way to get me some Pizza Hut Endorsement Checks.

The more I hear about this Shawne Merriman/Tila Tequila story, the more it makes me laugh. It's pretty much all you hear about on any Radio station out here. I also like how the AP reporter in that article described Merriman's sack celebration as "spasmodic". I would have gone with "douchetastic".

So Mangini won't tell anyone, not even his own quarterbacks, who won the starting job? Does that seem ra-tarded? Mangini strikes ma as total bush-league. And the Vikes are going to clobber the Browns this weekend. Mangini will probably have to play both of his QBs after that O-Line collapses and the starter has to be taken out on a stretcher. Then who's the genius, huh, Mangini? What a douchenozzle***.

What am I supposed to do with the Lions this year? For example, the spread for their game this week is eleven and a half. I know it's in New Orleans, and they are the Lions, but seriously, that's a lot of points. What. The. Funk.

That's all I've got.



*Ban the Sans, people.

**Yes, I know Tem was the commish, but really, why rip on him when I can rip on Freak instead?

***Apparently, Douche is my favorite adjective. I used it three different times in this post alone.

744 comments:

1 – 200 of 744   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

See Keith, if you hadn't been such a wuss and bet the 3 days like I'd suggested I'd still be sporting the Braves suck/Reds logo combo. But instead you have to look at a picture of a hot girl in her panties.

On second thought, maybe you knew what you were doing after all...

Beth said...

And nice post T. I like the 9:09 posting idea but you are definitely right that there would have been bitching, including by me.

Jugdish said...

On second thought, maybe you knew what you were doing after all...


so the theories are:

A. keef is a wuss

B. keef thought ahead, knew the Braves would lose to the Reds, and decided on a one day bet because he didn't want to go more than one day without looking at one of your hot profile pics

Jugdish said...

I'm going with A

Beth said...

"I'm going with A"

I see your judgment has come back, congrats jug.

Jugdish said...

its getting there

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

Jug you on any good drugs?

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

I'm in a crappy mood today

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

I think I'm gonna fuck someone up today

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

Problem is my hand is still fucked up

Jugdish said...

i have some hydrocodone, but ive been taking ibuprofen for the last few days except for last night.

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

Over-anxious on the natty z attempt. But a z nonetheless

Jugdish said...

why is your hand fucked up?

Beth said...

"why is your hand fucked up?"

Punching bad tippers?

Jugdish said...

IN YOU FACE bad tippers!

El Padrino said...

nice post t-nozzle

El Padrino said...

mangina is a DICKHEAD, like word up, the jet beat writers hated him and they never hate anyone (cept Belicheck)

El Padrino said...

ahmad rashad thing was hilarity

El Padrino said...

green bay chitown game is the sunday nighter, awesome

El Padrino said...

jim bruer was hilarity back in the dizzzay

El Padrino said...

11.5 is much, that will definetely be better defensively, i mean even with their best de going down they will chase some qb's but they dont have the offense to compete with a team like the saints and gregg williams eats rookie qb's for lunch like, 31-17 Saints

El Padrino said...

god i love football

Beth said...

And if you haven't clicked on T's link in his post to Someecards you really need to, they're hilarious.

A few examples from the site:

Watching Iranian protesters use cell phones to document riots makes me ashamed of using mine to send pictures of my dick.

It's okay with me if the reason you never called is because you're dead.

Sorry you're feeling like such a pussy. [A great get well card]

El Padrino said...

please advise who the pre-game concert it tommorrow so i can tune in after it

thanks and regards

Jugdish said...

please advise who the pre-game concert it tommorrow so i can tune in after it


i believe its new day rising

Jugdish said...

you better tune in and support aitch!

El Padrino said...

first day of school kids on train were hilarity, so fucking sad with the new kicks on

spiff i have to hand it to the gooks they dress well, fashion wise, rock some fly shit, too bad thier parents are dirty ingrates

El Padrino said...

new day rising

suite, better than whoever is really doing it i bet

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

I thought I mentioned breaking a knuckle a couple weeks ago...

I'm not complaining though since everything on Jug is broken.

Jugdish said...

I'm not complaining though since everything on Jug is broken.


i don't remember if you did mention it. you can complain though, jug is making good progress.

El Padrino said...

if anyone needs picks for footyball this season call me up at 347-880-1490 i charge $5 for the first pick and $1 each additonal pick, buy 3 picks get one free (college or pro), you pay through paypal i'll have the advertisement up on ebay shortly

El Padrino said...

that's ns btw

and please no prank calls this is a business line and calls need to get through

El Padrino said...

standard text messages rates apply

Jugdish said...

and please no prank calls


this means you keef

Beth said...

And here I thought I was the only one who had a phone # where people were charged to call it. Of course mine starts with 900.

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

"suite, better than whoever is really doing it i bet"

Backwards compliment of sorts.

El Padrino said...

"And here I thought I was the only one who had a phone # where people were charged to call it. Of course mine starts with 900."

let me have those digits

Jugdish said...

i dropped 50 in my bodog account the other day...ready for football season

Me and pops said...

el pad is hilarious

El Padrino said...

thanks, your a funny cad too tem

tem said...

thanks

tem said...

i have done little to no work today. same with yesterday.

i am starting to feel a little guilty about it.

El Padrino said...

dunkin donut muffins suck

El Padrino said...

good article on obama and his speech tonight

tem said...

i'll just wait for the zeke notes version of the speech.

El Padrino said...

zeke notes:

IN YOU FACE OBAMA!

CHANGE!

HAHAHAHAHAHHAHAHAA

IN YOU FACE AMERICA

blue said...

done

blue said...

oh, and i'm ashamed for Tyler a self-professed basketball junkie.


The HOF is making all the inductees choose a current HOF member to induct them so you don't get jerry sloan's mother standing up there talking about how he used to really like honey on his peanut butter sandwiches.

tem said...

good point blue.

blue said...

he's so creative...he used to drizzle honey on those sandwiches everyday...even if we brought home wheat bread, there he was with his honey.

didn't matter if it was creamy peanut butter or crunchy...jif or peter pan...he always had him some honey.

That's what made him a great basketball coach

El Padrino said...

hilarity

blue said...

pretty good group going into the HoF this year

Jugdish said...

rut roh rev

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

is this El Padrino?

Don't care if it is. I find it hilarious that they can't even get a ballpark right.

tem said...

is that a story from The Onion?

El Padrino said...

yes

Jugdish said...

the pic is from the onion

blue said...

i'm so confused

Jugdish said...

onion hilarity

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

I only posted the onion article because the post article wouldn't display on my phone...

Jugdish said...

strahan bat signal

El Padrino said...

"At this point, Democrats' main hope for the 2012 presidential election is that Republicans nominate another hopelessly feeble candidate. Given the GOP's facility for shooting itself in the foot, that may well happen. "

in you face democrats!

blue said...

not sure if that's really a dig on democrats there lp

blue said...

*rank

blue said...

good thing the election isn't for another 3+ years then

Jugdish said...

not sure if that's really a dig on democrats there lp

was thinking the same thing

El Padrino said...

zeke read this

El Padrino said...

"not sure if that's really a dig on democrats there lp

was thinking the same thing"

sure it's saying the dems have no shot in 2012 if the republicans can put forth a normal human to run against obama

blue said...

and then goes on to say, that's probably not likely

tem said...

2012 is when tent city happens. the president won't matter.

blue said...

playboy offered Kate Gosselin $400k to pose?


gross

El Padrino said...

yuck

Jugdish said...

tem is back. where have you been?



/Lp

Jugdish said...

playboy offered Kate Gosselin $400k to pose?



suite


/mEEz

Steve said...

"sure it's saying the dems have no shot in 2012"

this is wishfull Rep stuff. As much as you hate him you have to admit he's one of the best campaigners....ever.

It'll take somebody very very good to beat Obama.

Get comfortable EP, he's gonna be around 7 more.

blue said...

when is jon gonna be in playgirl?

/lp

tem said...

what is kate goosewhatever?

Steve said...

"2012 is when tent city happens"

i was thinking about this the other day. fuck tents. i'm gonna buy a camper.

El Padrino said...

"It'll take somebody very very good to beat Obama.

Get comfortable EP, he's gonna be around 7 more."

not if he fails, no one buys a scthick with results that indicate otherwise and with no prior campaing to lay blame on, it will be tough for him

blue said...

"what is kate goosewhatever?"

the devil

Jugdish said...

you have to admit he's one of the best campaigners....ever.

It'll take somebody very very good to beat Obama.



true, but it will take more than just a good campaign since in the next election he will actually have a track record to use. it was better for him when he was unknown

blue said...

he'll have a new campaign slogan.

"keep on truckin"

Jugdish said...

i was thinking about this the other day. fuck tents. i'm gonna buy a camper with a lift for my chair



fixed

blue said...

typical political talk taken out of context.

the key words to that quote were "at this point"

so if the election were today, he'd lose...got it...it's not today

El Padrino said...

skins top 20 players according to some skins blog

Jugdish said...

typical political talk taken out of context.


your face is taken out of context

blue said...

i can't name more than 5 players on the skins


cambell, portis, cooley, the fat guy from Tennesee that stomps on faces, santana moss's little brother?

blue said...

haynesworth...that's his name

blue said...

maybe they actually have santana moss

Steve said...

"camper with a lift for my chair"

I’m not the dumbass that jumped off a 30 foot bridge in the middle of the night.

If anybody needs a helmet, it's jug.

tem said...

"got it...it's not today"

it is today.

blue said...

that's how i determine who will win...

how many players do i know off the top of my head....if one team has 7 and the other has 5, then the 7 team should be 2 pt favorites

Jugdish said...

I’m not the dumbass that jumped off a 30 foot bridge in the middle of the night.


but you are A dumbass

blue said...

""got it...it's not today"

it is today."

see, tem would make for a good political argumenter

tem said...

jug needs a parachute, not a helmet.

tem said...

tem makes for a good lots of things.

Jugdish said...

jug needs a parachute, not a helmet


YES

blue said...

or jug needs to get laid

blue said...

or for there to be water under the bridge

Jugdish said...

or jug needs to get laid



YES

tem said...

beth should fly out to give jug some get well sex.

blue said...

agreed

blue said...

and bring some of her lady friends that like to be "involved" as well

Jugdish said...

beth should fly out to give jug some get well sex.



YES

blue said...

that would be a great "get well" card from LoV

Beth said...

"beth should fly out to give jug some get well sex"

I require all my sex partners to be in excellent health, sorry jug.

Plus, if anyone was flying for sex with me it would be Jug flying to me...

blue said...

didn't you listen to his story...he can't fly, he tried jumping off the bridge and failed.

blue said...

i bet $437 would change your mind beth

Jugdish said...

he tried jumping off the bridge and failed.


hilarity

tem said...

i bet jug would make the trip for sex.

El Padrino said...

I wouldnt get on a plane for sex

/Meiz

Beth said...

I just know that if jug before sex said something like "you'll love it baby, I'm 9 inches" I'd be running away. Cause based on jug's ability to estimate distances that would mean he's either around 3 or 15 inches. Both are outside of my acceptable range.

Jugdish said...

this is for me, not you

Jugdish said...

and its not like im steve

Jugdish said...

last money league draft tonight...suite

El Padrino said...

jug is in like 8 leagues

wft

blue said...

he's single

Beth said...

"and its not like im steve"

I bet Steve would be amazing if one of his seizures kicks in during sex.

Jugdish said...

3 money leagues...im not zeke

Jugdish said...

I bet Steve would be amazing if one of his seizures kicks in during sex.


he'd never make it. it would be like forrest gump and you'd just have to get a new sweater

Steve said...

"bet Steve would be amazing if one of his seizures kicks in during sex."

all the drool would probably ruin it for ya.

Keith S said...

Don't go to France, LP

Keith S said...

"11.5 is much, that will definetely be better defensively, i mean even with their best de going down they will chase some qb's but they dont have the offense to compete with a team like the saints and gregg williams eats rookie qb's for lunch like, 31-17 Saints"

That's a lot of HDH. 5 in one comment is suite

Keith S said...

"and please no prank calls


this means you keef"


I don't prank call

Jugdish said...

all the drool would probably ruin it for ya.


beth would use it for extra lube

Jugdish said...

almost lunch time

Jugdish said...

anyone have recommendations on a good gps?

Keith S said...

So is the Y! FMLB league done?

Meiz said...

"Keith S said...

I'm buying some rasslemania tickets right now

ns"


Fucking awesome.






I was at the one at the Silverdome.

/pecos deke

Keith S said...

"anyone have recommendations on a good gps?"

I don't think GPS can measure height

Jugdish said...

I don't think GPS can measure height



suite


/Lp

Beth said...

"all the drool would probably ruin it for ya"

Good point, I'd have to be on top.


No worries though jug, I never need extra lube. ;-)

Keith S said...

"Fucking awesome.

I was at the one at the Silverdome.

/pecos deke"


I'm not all pumped up about it, but it'll be cool to see. I haven't watched rassling in a few years. We're gonna be sitting up in the nosebleeds

Keith S said...

"No worries though jug, I never need extra lube. ;-)"

So all of your sex partners drool. Got it

Keith S said...

Pitt -6 seems like a lot

Jugdish said...

i like the vikings -4 over cleveland

Beth said...

"So all of your sex partners drool. Got it"

Sure, if that's how you want to interpret that statement go for it.

JFreak said...

What did I miss?

blue said...

yeah pitt-6 seems awful high

Jugdish said...

What did I miss?



its mEEx disguised as deluxe disguised as phreak!

Jugdish said...

mEEz even

JFreak said...

That seems too elaborate.

blue said...

freak missed the nfl season

Keith S said...

"What did I miss?"

Cubs loking*

JFreak said...

"Cubs loking*"

Definitely didn't miss that.

Keith S said...

Why is Texas playing @ WYoming?

Jugdish said...

What did I miss?


spiffg got married
jug tested gravity and lost
meez joined and quit the kkk
Lp is getting chubby
steve tied his own shoe, but it was velcro
tyler might take a freak like hiatus
H took over for you on thursdays
obama gave a speech to kids, tjw was inspired
you are a bad fantasy commissioner
rev is going back to school, company pays
blue is in school, blue pays
espn started its own boston only site

Jesus Aitch Christ, Esq. said...

Welcome back Freak

Meiz said...

From me to LP

Beth said...

"spiffg got married
jug tested gravity and lost
meez joined and quit the kkk
Lp is getting chubby
steve tied his own shoe, but it was velcro
tyler might take a freak like hiatus
H took over for you on thursdays
obama gave a speech to kids, tjw was inspired
you are a bad fantasy commissioner
rev is going back to school, company pays
blue is in school, blue pays
espn started its own boston only site"


What, when did all this happen????

/lp

Keith S said...

"From me to LP"

All I read from that is "woe"

Jugdish said...

from lov to tyler and spiffg

JFreak said...

"jug tested gravity and lost"

more details por favor.

El Padrino said...

"What, when did all this happen????

/lp"

serious when did spiff get married?

Keith S said...

"more details por favor."

Go to last Thursday's post and ctrl+f 10:17

Jugdish said...

Go to last Thursday's post and ctrl+f 10:17


yes, do that

Spaceman Spiff said...

"serious when did spiff get married?"

when you congratulated me

Jugdish said...

beth also had a birthday while you were gone

JFreak said...

"Go to last Thursday's post and ctrl+f 10:17"

good work jug.

Jugdish said...

good work jug.


thanks...that gravity is no bullshit

Beth said...

Ok, now you've done it jug, 31 is not cougar territory.

Now I have to cancel my flight to go see you for the get well sex.

Jugdish said...

Ok, now you've done it jug, 31 is not cougar territory.


agreed, but but you have to admit it was funny

how can you cancel a flight you never booked?

Keith S said...

31 for a chick is like 51 for a guy

El Padrino said...

BURN

Steve said...

Awesome

tem said...

"So is the Y! FMLB league done?"

yeah, i won.

tem said...

"So is the Y! FMLB league done?"

no

tem said...

"So is the Y! FMLB league done?"

maybe, i dunno.

JFreak said...

Am I still in contention?

tem said...

did spiff get married or engaged?

El Padrino said...

welcome back dumbass, you suck

tem said...

you won third place. you get a new sock.

El Padrino said...

no idea, fucking spiff is sneaky

isiah thompson said...

RENO, Nev. -- A former Nevada casino worker who has accused Pittsburgh Steelers quarterback Ben Roethlisberger of sexually assaulting would drop her civil lawsuit if he acknowledged the rape and apologized, her attorney said.


awesome

isiah thompson said...

freak, how was the buttsex in the Vatican?

JFreak said...

"welcome back dumbass, you suck"

Hello to you as well.

isiah thompson said...

lot of tough games to pick in the nfl this weekend.

JFreak said...

"freak, how was the buttsex in the Vatican?"

You'd have to ask Meiz.

JFreak said...

Where's the pick'em info at?

isiah thompson said...

freak - ND/UM bet?

JFreak said...

Blue, do you know of a company called high noon productions? They are out of denver.

isiah thompson said...

if anyone needs picks for footyball this season call me up at 347-880-1490 i charge $5 for the first pick and $1 each additonal pick, buy 3 picks get one free (college or pro), you pay through paypal i'll have the advertisement up on ebay shortly

can I buy an "opposite" package?

tem said...

zeke, big ben already rejected that proposal from the skank.

isiah thompson said...

Blue, do you know of a company called high noon productions? They are out of denver.


I've heard they make very comfortable socks with extra arch protection.

JFreak said...

"freak - ND/UM bet?"

sure.

1 day.

isiah thompson said...

good for him, I think it's hilarity that all she wants is him to say "yeah, so like, I, uh, raped her, and stuff"

like that would ever go down (twss)

El Padrino said...

"can I buy an "opposite" package?"

yes, that price is double though

isiah thompson said...

whatever the final Y! pick 'em line is then.

1 day

Jugdish said...

if anyone needs picks for footyball this season call me up at 347-880-1490

how else are you advertising this ep?

El Padrino said...

"lot of tough games to pick in the nfl this weekend."

week one always a bit choppy

Jugdish said...

and do you answer the phone, or would i get an Lp recording?

El Padrino said...

"how else are you advertising this ep?"

ebay

JFreak said...

I don't want to do the line.

Win or loss.

El Padrino said...

"and do you answer the phone, or would i get an Lp recording?"

well i'm trying to set it up where you make the pick on the auction page, but until then i would pick up the phone

isiah thompson said...

negative, with the line or no bet

JFreak said...

No bet it is, then.

El Padrino said...

puss in boots

tem said...

i have a headache.

Jugdish said...

puss in socks



fixed

Jugdish said...

bold

«Oldest ‹Older   1 – 200 of 744   Newer› Newest»

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino