Wednesday, September 30, 2009

Fire Up The Shoesaw.

So, Vegas. It was just alright. We stayed at the Sahara because they have cheap rooms. They also have cheap blackjack tables. Like $1 minimum cheap. I spent most of my time gambling at those tables. Now, before you start thinking that I am lame because I was hanging out at the $1 tables, I lost $60 in the first 20 minutes we were there and was pretty pissed about it. Three idiots sat down at our table and had no idear what they were doing. The final insult was when I had $10 on the table, then had to double it because I had an 11, and I ended up getting a three after I doubled (yeah, that helps) and then the douche sitting second to last hit on a 15 when the dealer was showing a 14. Of course it was a face card, so he lost AND took the dealer's bust card. AWESOME.

So that's why I was hanging out at the $1 tables. I'd rather spend $20, play for 2 hours and eventually lose it than have to fork over $60 every twenty minutes. I lost about $120. Pretty much the only thing that I won was the weekly Football pool that I'm in with my girlfriend. We got 14 right and it pays $200-$220, so splitting it with her I'll probably break even for the weekend. My girlfriend plays poker and she won some money. We got dinner Suday night and then she played 'til like 3am Monday morning. I had no idear when she came up to the room because she said I was totally passed out with the TV on.

So other than that, I'm tired and worn out from all of the smoke. And I really haven't watched a whole lot of Sports. Except for that Tebow hit and the Greatest Throw in the History of Week 3. I was in the hotel convenience store and some dude in a Minnesota #4 jersey was in front of me in line and the counter jockey asked what happened in that game and the Minnesota dude gave a five minute dissertation about how awesome the throw was and how awesome Bert Favre is. It's week three dude, talk to me again in December when he throws three INTs in one game and kills their season.

The Rockies are dirty, rotten, cheaters.

James Chadwick Pennington. Man, it must be frustrating to be talented enough to be a starting NFL Quarterback but to also have one defective body part that is crucial to being successful at that position. Sucks to be him. Miami traded a pick with KC to get Tyler Beckham Thigpen, but they should have just waited until Jeffrey Jason Garcia was available, which, by the way, is right now because the Iggles cut him.

Dwight Freeney is out for 2-3 weeks. That sucks for Indy because from what I saw of that Colts/Cards game, Freeney was downright unstoppable and looked in mid-season form.

Apparently the NBA is ready to go with replacement refs. This is going to be interesting. The fans and the media already think NBA refs are terrible, I'd be surprised if Stern doesn't cave by December after getting skewered every night on SportsCenter.

Yeah, that's about it for me.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

GG OF 14


GG OF 14. I figured it would be a really old lady. It was some 16yr old kid. I guess GG can't drive anymore because she is old. Or dead. Or both. Do you stop being old when you die? I guess so. I never say, wow that Abe Lincoln sure is old. Of course I don't talk about Abe very much. Maybe if I talked about him more I'd call him old. Meiz was not allowed to talk about Abe in his old place. Or his current place, I guess he moves in tomorrow.


Sitting at the bar last night eating some food and having a couple beers. I am up to beer number four and the waitress asks me if I knew buckets of 6 were cheaper. I say nope, and she says yeah, but don't worry about it, she'll just put a bucket in the system for me. So I am thinking, cool, I'll have two more and just pay the bucket price instead of the regular price....Nope, she brings me a whole bucket of 6 beers. I wasn't really looking to have 10 beers last night, but oh well. I thought about just taking a couple home with me, but then I just finished them.

Also at the bar there was this chick and her dude sitting near me. The chick says "no, I don't want to go to a strip club on monday night." I wasn't really listening to them, but I had to laugh when I heard that. She noticed I laughed and asked me what I thought about strip clubs on Mondays. I told her that they usually have the D squad out on Monday and not the first stringers, so I wouldn't go on a Monday. Then she gets all mad and says "what? I usually work on Monday nights." I couldn't tell if that meant she was a stripper or just dumb and thought I meant all places of employment put out the D squad on Monday night. So I just blank stared her and went back to drinking.


So I think that LOV would work well as some sort of TV drama/comedy on ABC. Like some sort of Sunday night thing. We certainly have enough characters and story lines to keep it interesting. The only problem would be how to have the main characters interact. I mean, the show couldn't just have us typing on a blog. I guess it could. I don't know. Solve that problem and I think the show writes itself. Someone get on that. Give me royalties. I'll write some of the show if you solve the interaction problem.

As we are all probably aware my mind thinks weird shit. I just can't help it. Here are the WWL headlines and then my immediate thoughts:

Sources: QB Pennington out for year - Out where? Being outside that long will cause him to catch a cold.

Blog USC RB critical, stable after 7-hour surgery - He shouldn't be critical of his doctors, he is the one that dropped a bar on his neck. Maybe he is critical of his spotter. He should be critical of his spotter.

Meyer hopes Tebow will return for LSU game - Tebow will return when he is damn well ready to.

Report: Raiders aide tells cops Cable broke jaw - Whose jaw? The aide's jaw? Cable's own jaw? Do we need to report on everything people tell the cops? I once saw a bum tell a cop that some old dude punched him and stoled his piss jar. That never made the news.

Angels clinch West, honor fallen teammate - Maybe instead of honoring him they should just help him up.


OK this post is dragging on and it is already 9:15 so let's get to the review. That is 9:!5 EST of course.

Couples Retreat

This movie is a classic Army movie. Well classic might be a strong word. Let's just say it is an Army movie. It's no Stripes, but it might be In The Army Now.

Anyway, so this is about the famous Couples Retreat of the first all gay platoon. Don't ask me how they made an all gay platoon, or why, the movie never tells me, but they did make one. And if you don't believe me give me like an hour and I'll show you a Wiki page for it. So this gay platoon is marching on the bad guys, they are not doing so well. You know, because they are gay and stereotypically gays can't fight. They throw grenades poorly and they don't hold the guns right. Which is odd because you'd think that gays would be good at holding guns, but I digress. So they decide to retreat. The movie is about their retreat.

Oh yeah, it is the couples retreat because the gays are all dating each other. I left that part out.

So the gay couples retreat from battle and hilarity ensues. I think Vince Vaughn dies in the movie. Literally, I think it was on CNN awhile back.

1 helmet sticker out of 5. I need to start reviewing good movies.

Monday, September 28, 2009

Goddman it Bert

Big weekend for fooyball*. Three top ten teams lose in CFB, including Da U, who I thought was getting too much hype. Iowa owns Penn State. Tebow got concussed, which was pretty suite. I don't think Jesus ever got concussed. IN YOU FACE, FU!! ASU hung with UGA for 59 minutes and 59 seconds. I was SAS. LSU should roll UGA this week. Beth, your name/pic will be Do I look fat?

Also some suite NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE games yesterday. The Lions won't go defeated for a 2nd straight year. I'll admit, I'm a little bummed. I'm also a little worried about 8-8 (s). Big win for the Vikings. Big win for Cincy. Bears probably should have lost, if Seattle's kicker didn't suck (AHIIK).

Some new guy dropped an F-bomb on the season premiere of SNL. Megan Fox was hosting it and I was gonna watch, but I forgot. I guess I wouldn't have seen the F-bomb though, because NBC changed it to "freaking" for the western time zones. Goddman east coast bias.

Tem, if you wanna pay off your 1 day for our Reds/Pirates overall record bet, your name/pic will be Goddman pirates

Congrats to mize has bigger tits than Phil for winning the GOLF PICKS.

According to our NFL pick 'em league, LP is a good gambler. Maybe he should pick some of those games for his Friday posts because his betting column picks are the worse.

Apparently Jerry Jones got the idear of this megatron scoreboard from a Celine Dion show that he went to in Vegas. What a douche.

Softball temchallenge update. I filled in for another team so I had 2 games tonight. Went 3 for 4 with 2 doubles and 3 walks. My one out was because I hit a line drive back at the pitcher, and there is a box that the pitcher stands in. If a ball goes through that box in the air near the pitcher, it's an automatic out. The team we were playing was up by about 15 or 16 runs and they kept taking extra bases in the 5th inning so I decided to hit one back at the pitcher. Cost me an out, but whatever. It got the point across.
Season stats: 14 for 21 with 6 BB and a sac fly

That is all.

Friday, September 25, 2009

El Pad's Weekly Betting Guide

Fuck baseball.

Last week 2-3
Overall 5-5 (-$250)

PENN STATE - 10 over Iowa
Revenge against the weasels. Clark never forgave himself for that horrid pick that led to Iowa's game winning FG last year, essentially crushing the national title dreams of young Joe Paterno. Penn State will suffocate the Hawkeyes Saturday night. I just know it. ($200)

UTAH -14 over Louisville
Cardinals are not very good. The Utes are very mad. Bad things will happen. ($100)

BALTIMORE -13 over Browns
I told myself on Sunday night that no matter what the line was I was taking the Ravens. And 13 scares no one. Browns stink, Ravens are no joke. They boast silly ATS trends too. 10-2 ATS in their last 12 vs AFC North. While Cleveland is 0-9-1 in their last vs AFC North. Whoop that trick. I might take Baltimore every week no matter who they play. How bout that. ($200)

HOUSTON -4 over Jacksonville
Man did Houston shut me up or what. Holy shit. What a great win, not sure what the deal is with the Titans defense but Houston played their guts out and wanted that game badly. They could have easily folded down 21-7 early. I am obligated to bet them this week. Jacksonville is a pretty sorry team. Houston should rout them with that offense. Just like the Bal/Cle game you have two the Texans 7-2 ATS in their last nine while the Jags are 2-7 ATS in the same nine game period. No brainer. ($250)

New Orleans @ BUFFALO over 52 points scored
Due to weather I am cancelling this bet. Replacing the bet with Ten/NY under.

Titans +2.5 over J-E-T-S (Also under 37, $50)
I think the Titans get on the board here. I am pretty sure Sanchez has his first bad game. Titans remember losing to the Jets last year, a loss that was their first at that time. A little revenge factor I like to think about. Fisher is a motivator and I think he fixed some issues from that Texans game. Plus the Jets don't have the firepower that the Texans do. Low scoring, trench fight of a game. Titans 17, Jets 13. ($150)

Thursday, September 24, 2009

The legacy of Bobby Cox

So yesterday it was announced that Bobby Cox would retire from managing after the 2010 season. He will continue with the team as a consultant. Couple this with the potential retirement of Larry Wayne Jones and it signifies the end of an era in the ATL. But it also begs the question, what will be the legacy of Bobby Cox? Obviously he has had one of the most consistent teams in all of sports. At one point, they had won 14 straight division titles. But only one World Series win to show for it. So will history view Cox as a consistent winner or disappointment? Discuss... and someone get Beth a tissue.

Andy Reid says he is not sure who the backup QB will be for Sunday's game. Stop it. Everyone knows Vick will suit up for the game. There is no way he doesn't use that weapon.

Some Russian reportedly bought the NJ Nets for twice their estimated value. This doesn't seem smart to me. I mean, buying the team might have been smart, but why pay twice the value? Weird.

Brad Lidge is awful. I don't know how the Phillies can keep running him out there. Obviously they want to see if he can regain his form before the postseason. But if he can't, the Phillies' title defense could be in serious jeopardy. We've seen plenty of teams eliminated from the playoffs without a solid stopper. Rev has got to be worried.

That's all I've got today. Trying to figure out weekend plans. Any suggestions?

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

Man, I gotta write a post?

I've been getting killed at work lately. It's just brutal. But I am going to Vegas this weekend, so at least I've got that going for me.

So it looks like Prettyboy took that fight because he owed the Gobament* $5.6 million in back-taxes. I've never understood how you can rack up $5.6 million in taxes and think, "Yeah, I'm just not going to pay that". The IRS likes to hunt people down and skull-fuck them just for fun. Pay your taxes.

Some dude who owns a D-League Team wants this Jordan/Russell 1-on-1 challenge to happen. He's willing to front $100k to go to a charity. I would watch that.

NBA Update: Jonny Flynn is disappointed that Ricky Rubio is not going to play. Some dude from Russia wants to buy the Nets for $700 million (I thought Jay-Z bought them and was moving them to the Bronx?) which is twice as much as it was evaluated at. Ron Artest said to blame him if the Lakers lose next year (be careful, Ron).

Keef will be happy to know that I am going to Star Wars night at Dodger Stadium. That's right, ALL YOU CAN EAT, SUCKA.

Burress is sad. Don't drop the soap.

Roy Oswalt's doctor says he needs a backiotomy.

Tom Brady and Gisele Bundchen do not f around. They told their body guards to shoot at photographers at a party they threw. The lame-ass photographers are suing for $1 million. I hope the Judge decides that teh photographers should be sentenced to 1 million hours of community service instead.

Apparently, they made a movie out of that book, I Hope They Serve Beer in Hell. It opens Friday. I might go see it.

That's pretty much all I've got. Go O:FB!!!

Tuesday, September 22, 2009


License Plate

OH KYAKR. This one is easy, they like to kayak. OK, I don't really get kayaking, but whatever. It is just you in a small boat that you have to power yourself. Seems like a lot of work. And rivers and the like in Ohio are tiny and stupid (Save the Ohio River, which when it borders WV is actually part of WV, not sure about when it borders KY and OH). I don't know why you would want to be on a self powered 1 person boat on a river in Ohio.


I feel bad for deaf people who go to a bar to watch a game. The closed captioning there is horrible. I hope to hell that deaf people have better closed captioning in the comfort of their own home. Good lord it was horrible for the MNF game. Only 1 in 10 things they wrote was actually a word and they skipped well over half of what was said. I was getting pretty pissed. Well maybe not pissed, but I was clearly way too entertained by the terrible closed captioning.

At the end of the day, I feel even worse for deaf people.

sports talk

The Jets say that the tampering claims aren't true...there is a shocker. Wow, did you expect them to come out and say, "yeah we cheated"? I don't think so.

Garcon is a horrible name for a football player. And when you put Pierre in front of it, well I just can't believe that you are any good. Sorry Pierre, but you need to change that name.

Bucs defense is horrible. WVs defense is horrible. I guess I am going to be a fan of teams with zero defense.

state of the columbus tosu fan

As. touched on it last post so I won't go into it again. He is dead on accurate. Columbus tOSU fans are kind of dumb and pretty much are the "what have you done for me lately?" type. Tressel is going to need to beat Michigan for sure and if he loses to PSU he will catch a lot more flack this year. Sucks for him, totally undeserved, he has a consistent top 10 program, but I guess that isn't good enough.

state of the columbus wvu fan

WVU isn't as shitty as I thought, I am beginning to think they might be able to make a bowl. Probably not a BCS bowl because I think Cincinnati is going to take the Big East's autobid, but maybe they can upset Cincinnati.

Of course now that I am coming around they will do horrible in Big East play.

tem movie review

Brief Interviews with Hideous Men

Good lord they are making this too easy. I didn't even know this was a movie. I guess I didn't make the cut to get interviewed. Yay me.

Of course we get to see some other folks on here get interviewed. It was pretty interesting to hear their tales. I won't name names, you'll have to watch to see who made the cut, but I can tell you it is worth it. Or maybe the exact opposite.

The premise is that hideous men talk to the camera. I don't see how this will be a box office smash. Or why anyone would go see it. I'm pretty sure that's why I never watched it.

1 telmet sticker out of 5 because it sounds dumb.

Monday, September 21, 2009

You down with O:FB, yeah you know me

Bengals beat the Packers. Packers beat da Bears. Ergo Bengals are > than da Bears. Sorry Jug, it's science. You can't argue with science.

I didn't see any fooyball* on Saturday because we were putting down the floors. Did FU play awful or was Tennessee playing above their heads? FU should have destroyed the Kiffins. Goddman losers. Old man Packer, give me my name/pic. I don't know what my LoV availability is gonna be, so I'll probably end up giving you more than a day's worth of comments because I doubt I'll have much access during the day now.

tOSU fans in Columbus are just awful. I would say that all OSU fans are bad, but I think it's just the ones who live in C-bus and are exposed to all the BS on a day-to-day basis. Fans I know who live here aren't as ratarded and live in reality. C-Bus tOSU fans sound like they are ready to get rid of Tressel because he hasn't been able to beat a top BCS team in the last 3 years. AYFKM?? He comes in to a program that couldn't beat UM to save their life, and he's now 7-1 against UM and has averaged 10 wins a year and has a BCS championship under his belt. But now apparently losing 2 of the last 3 BCS title games and a Fiesta Bowl, along with losing twice to USC is grounds for getting fired to lame tOSU fan. To that fan I say this: Remember the John Cooper era? I do. It was just like the Jim Tressel era except for it's not at all like it. This talk just needs to go away.

Some good NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE games yesterday. Da Bears got a big win against the defending champs. Cutler played ok, didn't make any stupid mistakes. And me and my buddies made approximately 28 Johnny Knoxville jokes during the game. I see Jug made one last night, too. Bengals with a nice win in Green Bay, although Jennings putting up a big fat zero suckt for my fantasy team. I didn't see the 2nd half of the NYG/Dallas game but it sounds like Romo was being Romo. I hate bolth of those teams. Washington with an impressive 9-7 win over the Rams. (s) I watched the J-E-T-S game, their D is pretty strong. Too bad they couldn't kill Brady. That would have pretty much sealed the deal on O:FB.

It's good to see Milton Bradley is still batshit crazy. He's not in the lineup on Saturday because he has a bad knee or something, then he tells a newspaper something like "you can see why they haven't won here in 100 years", and then he gets suspended by the team for the rest of the season. So he gets basically the last 2 weeks off, but still gets to collect the almost $1 million he has left on this year's contract. Maybe he's not crazy. Maybe he's normal and everyone else is crazy.

Does anyone here who plays some type of organized sport still get butterflies before a game? My whole life I've always gotten butterflies before a game. Didn't matter if it was Little League baseball, hike school baseball, basketball, or soccer,men's league baseball, soccer, basketball, or now with softball. I get butterflies before every game. I don't know if it's the competitive part of it and I just want to win, or what it is. Of course, it could also just be my colitis.

Softball temchallenge update. 3 for 4 with an RBI and 2 runs scored. Team tied 7-7. Tying is the worse*. Bottom of the 7th and we have a guy on 3rd with 1 out. Our #10 hitter is up and pops it up right behind 2nd base. Right-center fielder comes and catches it, guy on third tags up and gets thrown out at home to end the game. The time expired on the game so we couldn't play another inning. Lame softball rules.
For the season, 11 for 17 with 3 BB and a sac fly.

That is all

Friday, September 18, 2009

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Guide

Miami dominated last night. They are the only team who can threaten Va Tech in that league.

Hate it when Sportswriters play the hindsight game. Don Banks from SI chrohincles the 2007 NFL draft in which 6 players were selected before Adrian Peterson and that if the draft was done all over again he would go first. WELL LADEEE FREAKING DAH, LOOKS LIKE WE HAVE ALBERT EINSTEIN WRITING FOR SPORTS ILLUSTRATED. Little does Donnie Banks know that the Raiders had the #1 pick that year and even knowing what they know now they still wouldn't make the right choice.

Crabtree needs a hug.

Last week: 3-2

Going to do money from now on because really what's the point of picking games if I'm not putting a value on them. And money is the best value of them all. Also I loved Minny so much last week I would have put a fake $500 on them for sure. Moving on.......

College plays:
Over is 44-10 in RICE last 54 games overall
THAT^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^ =

Rice @ OK ST over 66 for $50
WASH +19.5 over Usc for $50, good QB, Sarkisian, nice crowd, Usc off the high of a tough win, and it's been pretty lopsided, I think Wash is better.

TITANS -7 over Texans ($250)
Outside of their last meeting the Titans have dominated the series winning 7 straight, before losing to them in December, by an average of about 8 points. Right at the spread. Vegas is genius. Anyway the Titans coming off a brutal "playoff" like game last Thursday and needed the extra day of rest. Especially for an old goat like Collins. Texans proved last week that they can de dominated by a defense so this is a matchup that doesnt bode well. Throw in the fact that the Titans are a robust 9-0 ATS in September games and I love it. Throw in the fact that it's Tennesee's home opener and I wanna fuck it.

DETROIT+10 over Vikings ($100)
I know, I'm crazy. But they did put up a fight against a top NFC team last week. It seems like they will win a game one day and even if this Sunday is not the day they should keep it within ten points. Last year they played Minnesota tough at home and on the road. Funny too that the line was 10 the last time they played, Minnesota won 20-16 that day. Detroit is 4-0 in their last 4 NFC North games which means they are closing the gap. Also remember Farve's record at Detroit is not spectacular.

Baltimore +3 over CHARGERS ($100)
I know this is San Deigo's home opener but I love these Ravens. They dominated KC as we knew they would. Don't be fooled by the score, KC had a special teams TD and had a short field from a rare Baltimore turnover. That's 14 less points they really should have had. Ravens had the ball for about 20 minutes more than KC. The Chargers were tossed around for three quarters against the Raiders who might be a better team they we all think but still they are the Raiders. That's a game SD should be winning by 3 scores. Baltimore always travels well and are 9-2 ATS against the AFC in the past 11 games. 16-5 in the last 21 PERIOD.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Goddman sports

Goddman sports.

Things overheard while playing gta iv.

You're surrounded, don't make things work.

One squeeze and yo're wearing your balls for earrings.

hey asshole.

Run for cover.

help there's a gunman on the roof.

watch out.

lcpd,take cover.

bang bangbang

you sorry son of a bitch

awwww shit.


suspect is on foot.

eat lead.

we got a man down.

i got you fucker.

officer proceeding on foot.

there's nowhere left to run.

now stay down or i will finish you off.

if you don't stop, i will be very mad.

police, pull over.

did you friggin hear me, asshole?


You should run away

get out of the vehicle, nic and slow.

awww, that wasn't good.

hey, where you going? Hellooooooo?

(by the way, nothing can match the impassioned screams of someone you've kidnapped and forced to take a ride in a car with you)

Get a life, pervert.

Hey, watch it asshole.

What' is going on herE?

Get out of the way.

Las Fuego, synthesized latin testosterone energy drink.


If you're a gangster then I'm the goddman tooth fairt.

Wednesday, September 16, 2009

Cash Money.

Goddamn Bills. You had a chance, and you screwed it up. I hate you. Apparently, people in Buffalo are pissed about the game too, because Bills' cornerback Leodis McKelvin's front lawn was vandalize. An obscenity and the score was spray painted into his lawn. You stay classy, Buffalo.

I was surprised by the Raiders. They actually looked good. That game had an exciting first half and a terrible (for the most part) second half. I like that they lost though, I will always hate the Silver & Black.

Apparently, if you request a trade through the media, the NBA will fine you. Stephen Jackson learnt* the hard way. $25k is a drop in the bucket for him, but still, it's $25k.

Some real Indians are still trying to get the Redskins to change their name. It's about to go to the Supreme Court. I understand, but I think it's lame. I mean, they've been known as the Redskins for over 75 years. It's gonna be weird if they have to change it. Some interesting tidbits from the bible: "the Redskins are the second most valuable franchise in the NFL, valued at approximately $1.538 billion" and " the Redskins remain the highest grossing team in the NFL with $327 million in revenue during the 2007 season". That's a lot of cabbage.

Michael Young came back for one at-bat and then decided to take a seat. Thanks for coming out, Mike.

NCIS: Los Angeles? SERIOUSLY? Apparently, L.A. is a hotbed for criminal behavior involving Navy personnel.

There is a Bob's Big Boy that just opened yesterday and it's less than a mile from my place. Me and gftyler are stoked. We've driven by twice and the line is out the door, so we're kind of bummed that we're going to have to wait a week or two until the lines die down.

And that's all I've got.

Tuesday, September 15, 2009

tem post

tem idear

They should make a game show called "On the Phone or Crazy." You would show some person outside talking to themselves and the contestant would have to determine if the person is just on the phone and using one of those ear buds or just a crazy person who talks to themselves.

Seriously though, I work by the courthouse and 4 years ago it was easy to tell the crazy people from the not so crazy people, but now since people have these ear phones it is harder to tell the difference. Crazy people have to be pissed. Talking to themselves in public was their calling card and the cell phone companies took that away from them. They are going to raise the bar here soon and do something else. Maybe they'll start slapping themselves, maybe they will start talking real close like to strangers...who knows what they will do. All I know is that it will be one of the things that leads to tent city.


Pats find amazing ways to win, Bengals find amazing ways to lose, not much seems to have changed. I didn't watch much football last night, just the end of the Pats game. It was enough. H is happy for sure, but I don't think the Bills are an elite AFC team so the Pats will need to improve to contend. I am sure they will.

state of tOSU fandom, Columbus version

Nobody is surprised they lost to USC. The entire stadium saw it coming. tOSU dominated the game and was only up 5. Everyone knew what was going to happen. And then it did. Self fullfilling prophecy perhaps. In any case most fans are calling for Tressel to be fired. If he loses to UM he'll be on the legitimate hot seat for next year. If he beats them then he is safe from the hot seat for another year. Sucks for him, 10 wins and consistent BCS bowls just aren't enough.

state of the WVU fandom, Columbus version

No change. I think they have Auburn this week. If they beat Auburn then I might be willing to say they can contend in the Big East....and I know that the Big East isn't very good this year. Maybe UC is. They look tough so far.

tem movie review


This is perhaps one of the dumbest movies of all time. It is about surrogate parents. Like I care. I'm not sure if it is a drama, a comedy or what. Some adults decide to become surrogate parents for some disabled/poor kids. Whip de do. I think it is a feel good story, but the kids never really get better, all they get is some nicer things.

Speaking of disabled have you ever noticed that anyone with a temporary handicap sticker in their car is a horrible driver? What's with that? Does that sticker now mean they are handicapped in driving? Seriously, every time I see one of those the fucker driving swerves right into my lane because their leg hurts or something.

Anyway, Surrogates sucks, don't watch it.

half a telmet sticker out of 5.

Monday, September 14, 2009

Goddman it

What a terrible weekend. I'm gonna go all fucking woe on all of you for a scroll or two. I don't woe often, so deal with it...

Fucking cmk. Weekend starts with me and cmk spending like 6-7 hours painting in the new house. We just got a gallon of paint, but I was putting up the painters tape and painting the edges whilst cmk was rolling the walls. We finished the kitchen and the living room, then we take a break about 6:00 so we can go eat dinner. We get back about 7:30 and I drop her off so I can go over to Home Depot and buy a 5 gallon bucket of the paint so we can put the 2nd coat on those 2 rooms and then start in the front room. I want to get the entire downstairs painted before we put the new flooring down so we don't have to worry about spilling shit on the floor. I get to HD and call cmk just to verify the color that I'm getting (Behr brand, color is Kenya, like a tan with gold in it). She drops an "I don't like the color" on me as I'm ordering the paint to be mixed. I'm standing there with a ::blank slate:: and finally tell the HD lackey that I don't need the paint. I go back to the house and give her look like, are you serious? She says "I know, we wasted $30 on that gallon of paint". I tolt her IDGAF about the $30 but wasting an entire day sucked as. So I tolt her she can just paint the house this week.

Fucking Ohio State. They'll never win a big game if they can't put a team away. Just like against Texas in the Fiesta Bowl last year, they give up a game winning drive that goes the length of the field. When you have a team with a frosh QB, 2rd & 19 at their own 5 yard line, you have to win that battle. Mark* Barkley is gonna be special, though. Huge stones to go into that kind of environment in your 2nd career game and drive your guys down the field like that. Fuck USC, though. And fuck the tOSU play-calling. I think zeke mentioned it, or maybe tem, but they need to get Pryor outside the pocket more. I'm not sure if it was USC doing a good job of keeping him in the pocket, or bad play-calling, but Pryor should not be standing in the pocket looking downfield for receivers. He's a terrible passer. He looks like he'd be great at throwing a shotput, though. LP, your* welcome for not having to pay up. Weasel (s)

Fucking Bengals. That's why the Bengals are the Bengals. They lose games like that shit that happened on Sunday. Leon Hall (fucking Michigan) tips the pass and 3 Bengals dive towards the WR like he's got the ball, and they leave Stokley alone to catch it and just have to outrun a LB towards the goal line, then run the length of the goal line before he goes in for the winning score. That was such a terrible game to watch for the first 56 minutes, too. The last few minutes finally had some action, then that fluke fucking play happens.

Fucking fantasy baseball. I lose in the semifinals 5-4-1. Fucking Pedro's win against the Mess made me lose the wins category, or else we would have had a tie and I would have won the tiebreaker. So now I'm playing in the 3rd place game.

Fucking csil. Every time we go out it has to turn into the "csil show". We're at the bar watching games and she's playing FFB for the first time and she's got Purple Jesus. Every time he touches the ball she has to scream at the top of her lungs. Then when she talks about something she has to mention it 4 or 5 times so that everyone that is within a 10 foot radius can hear her story. Then we go over to my buddy's house (her bf) for the Bears game and she gets pissed at me because I pushed her dog away because it was licking me non-stop and getting in my face begging for food. So I pushed her away and csil says "don't push my dog". So I say "maybe if your dog heard the word no every once in a while I wouldn't need to push her away". So she calls her dog over and feeds it some pizza. ns

It was almost fucking fantasy football. I was playing against a dude that wasn't at our draft so I drafted his team for him by just picking the best available person for each of his picks. He was ahead by 42 pts going into the Bears/Pack game and I had Rodgers/Jennings. Thanks to their final TD and 2-pt conversion I won by 1.5 pts. So while there was some woe for the weekend, I can't woe too much. My $FFB team won, I'm healthy, I've got a new house, I've got a new job, and I'm not steve.


Softball temchallenge update... 0-3 on the night. I blame it on the midnight EST start time. 8 for 13 with 3BB and a sac fly on the season.

Friday, September 11, 2009

El Padrino's Weekly Betting Guide (week 1)

First let me just start by reminding you scumbags that today is 9/11. So keep the jokes about to planes to your heathen selves for a day. 8 years ago 3,017 people died when 19 extreme muslim terrorists hijacked 4 commerical airplanes and intentionally crashed them into the Twin Towers, the Pentagon and a field in Pennsylvania. A moment of silence please.

Never Forget.

Now unto the week 1 picks:

Vikings -4 over BROWNS (@@@@)
As mentioned in my NFL preview the Browns are something terrible. Also as mentioned here Mangina is a dick and no one likes him. Not even his wife, especially after he named his son Brett after the great Brett Farve and it ended up in him getting fired because of Brett Farve. So my technical analysis on this game says the Browns are going to have a tough time scoring points on a stingy Minnesota defense. Nor will they be able to stop Adrian Peterson.

CAROLINA +2 over Eagles (hhh)
I'm a little shocked but understand that the Eagles lack of defensive depth is not more of a major story around NFL water coolers. Because it's a huge factor. Carolina probably has the best running game in the league and I don't expect Philly to stop it at all. Especially in the second half. The MLB backup to the backup who is now the starter is out Sunday. The continuous metriculation of the ball down the field will keep McNabb and Co. on the sidelines. Philly has beaten Carolina the past 4 times they have played but all were at the Linc.

Dallas -6 over BUCS (GGG)
Bucs only shot at keeping Dallas at bay is to neutralize the pass rush by running the football. They might find some success in doing that but not for four quarters. And with Leftwhich back there I bet Ware is licking his chops. The Bucs are garbage overall and Dallas is always a September team (7-2 ATS in September). They are the Arod's of football.

Baltimore -13 over CHEIFS (IIII)
Gonna be a day at the beach for the Ravens defense. They get Kelly Gregg back and when him and Haloti are on the field together the linebackers are pretty free to knock the shit at whoever has the ball. I don't see any sceanrio in which the Chiefs are competitive in this game. And with Matt Cassel gimpy I wouldn't dare start him for the sake of proving he's a gamer. Especially with the Raiders on the schedule next week.

I have a college pick that is pretty vanilla but USC over OSU -7 is lock city.

Key Rating System (5 symbols mean put the house on it)-
@ Doing to work like Adrian Peterson
h MASH ambulance
G Garbage, like the Bucs
I Maxing and relaxing on the beach like the Ravens starters will be doing in the 4th quarter
when they are up 34-3

As for last nights game, it was a great way to kick off the season. Very good football game. Polamalu was a beast before he went down, Roethlisberger was great in the 2nd half after being putrid in the 1st. The Pittsburgh running game is still trash, man they are lucky they have a killer defense. Tennesse showed that they belong. Bironas, wft brah?

Thursday, September 10, 2009

Brett Favre, STFU!!

Seriously. Now he is saying the Jets knew he had the torn bicep and kept running him out there. Riiiiight. Because you had no say in it at all, right Brett. If you knew you were hurt shouldn't you have taken yourself out of the games? He's also kept the preemptive excuses coming, saying he may not make it through 16 games. SO WHY COME BACK?!?!?!? Way to torpedo another franchise.

Don't look now, but the Rockies are creeping up on the Dodgers. Blue must be wetting himself. He's also probably been mentioning the Rockies catching up, but no one can hear him from way up on that mountain.

I'm surprised that Sheriff Roger hasn't suspended Shawne Merriman yet. I mean, Goodell hasn't waited for the facts or cases to be resolved in the past, so why now. Does the NFL really want to promote domestic violence? Think of the children!!! (yes, that is sarcasm.)

Derek Jeter tied or broke some Yankee record. Good for him. Seriously. As I've said before, I'm a huge fan of Jeter's, despite my Red Sox fanaticism. He's a winner and a class act.

Does anybody else here care about NASCAR or Soccer? I do, but I will spare you non-fans.

I'm sick today. Hope it isn't the swine flu. Either way that's all I've got.

*is Freak taking Thursdays back? Still haven't got an answer on that.

Wednesday, September 09, 2009


Today is brought to you by the number nine. Click here for more useless facts about today. Feel free to be "that guy" and email it to everyone in the office; but make sure to copy/paste and then format each paragraph with a different color/font before you send it. Bonus points will be awarded for the most creative use of Comic Sans*. Regards.

I wanted to set the time for this post at 9:09am, but people are gonna bitch about it, so 7:09, there ya go.

I am pissed that Freak screwed up the playoffs for the FMLB league. In the recorded history of Fantasy Sports, Freak is the worst commish ever**.

I like how Jordan went the unconventional way and picked Skywalker to introduce him into the HoF. He pretty much had a long list of anyone in or out of the sport to ask, (like who would turn him down) and he decided to go with a guy who was a giant influence on his own game. I heard that Ahmad Rashad almost had Someecards write and illustrate an "Are We Still Friends Even Though You Asked An Ex-Addict Give Your HoF Speech?" ecard but decided against it. Ahmad shouldn't be that upset about it, all they really do is show a bunch of highlights and say, "Please welcome the newest addition to the HoF...", it's really not that big of a deal anymore. Relax Ahmad, you can still light his cigars and get him his drinks during the reception. And at the after-party. And when you tuck him into bed at night.

FOOTBALL!!! I can't wait for tomorrow. I have been getting home right at 5:30 or so lately, so my ass will be parked on the couch in front of the TV with beer in hand. It does suck that it's a Doucheburgh game though. I could have gone with...wait a second, all of these match-ups pretty much suck. Gints/Skins, I guess? Or Green Bay/Chicago? I'd take either of those over Steelers/Titans. I am hoping against hope that the Bengals/Broncos game is a 10am game, because if anything is going to give you eye-cancer, watching that game will. But football is football, and it's finally go-time, so I really don't care.

As if ESPN wasn't already the Spawn of Satan; Tedy Bruschi is going to join them as an NFL analyst. I hope "How to Make a Deal with the Devil to Extend Your Playing Career" is gonna be a regular segment on Sportscenter.

Jim Breuer. If you're asking yourself, "Hey, whatever happened to that guy?", well, I'm gonna tell you. He is on my TV right now trying to sell me the New Pizza Hut Stuffed Crust Pizza. And his catchphrase is "Jackpot!!!" Sorry Jim, but that stuffed crust pizza tastes like ass. Didn't Pizza Hut try this a few years ago? Well, now they are blatantly abandoning the stuffed crust idear and instead they put "a ring of cheese" near the crust, which isn't exactly a stuffed crust if you ask me, but that's what they're calling it. And it probably still tastes like ass. I'm thinking that when Jim was sitting in the inner-tube, wading in the pool, yelling "Jackpot!" for the commercial spot, he's gotta be thinking, "Man, this is a lowpoint". Until those Pizza Hut checks start rolling in. I need to figure out a way to get me some Pizza Hut Endorsement Checks.

The more I hear about this Shawne Merriman/Tila Tequila story, the more it makes me laugh. It's pretty much all you hear about on any Radio station out here. I also like how the AP reporter in that article described Merriman's sack celebration as "spasmodic". I would have gone with "douchetastic".

So Mangini won't tell anyone, not even his own quarterbacks, who won the starting job? Does that seem ra-tarded? Mangini strikes ma as total bush-league. And the Vikes are going to clobber the Browns this weekend. Mangini will probably have to play both of his QBs after that O-Line collapses and the starter has to be taken out on a stretcher. Then who's the genius, huh, Mangini? What a douchenozzle***.

What am I supposed to do with the Lions this year? For example, the spread for their game this week is eleven and a half. I know it's in New Orleans, and they are the Lions, but seriously, that's a lot of points. What. The. Funk.

That's all I've got.

*Ban the Sans, people.

**Yes, I know Tem was the commish, but really, why rip on him when I can rip on Freak instead?

***Apparently, Douche is my favorite adjective. I used it three different times in this post alone.

Tuesday, September 08, 2009



That is one digit short of the combo to open my garage. Just so you know. Basically now any of you can get into my house, unless you are a ratard.

If the as. visits Ohio I might change my combo, but then again maybe he will bring hsil with him, in case I would not change my combo. Speaking of hsil we are due for an update, is she still rockin' the big V?

OSU state of the fandom
In case anyone is wondering here is what Ohio State fans said 10 days ago about USC:

"they are rebuilding, freshman QB, all their LBs are gone, we are going to beat them and get revenge."

Here is what they are saying this week:

"I hope we can keep it closer than last time."

To that I say "ahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha"

Mountaineer state of the fandom, tem only version

Don't live around enough real Mountaineer fans so all you get is my opinion. O is good, D is weak, KO coverage is the worst ever. Ever. I feel good about my 3-9ish prediction.


I got nothin'. I am in a good mood still. This week because I think I am going to get some tickets to the USC/OSU game. Yay me.

tem movie review
I'll post a movie review later. This is the kind of crap you get from me after a holiday.

Sunday, September 06, 2009

Happy Labor Day

Happy Labor Day, LoV. I hope everyone has a relaxing day off. And if you have to work today, well, AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH. IN YOU FACE!!
I won't be working where I get paid, but I'll be doing a lot of shit around the house. So I guess IN MY FACE!!

Nobody's really gonna read this or be commenting today, so there will be minimal efforting on my part.

Lots of college fooyball* this weekend. tOSU struggled with their non-conference opponent, as usual. UM & ND bolth*looked awesome against weak teams. Sam Bradtard* got hurt, so that was suite. I hate OU. FU couldn't cover 70 points. Alabamer put up some points against VaTech. UGA got lit up by OkSt. And ASU destroyed a I-AA team. Fuck that FBS/FCS bullshit. It's still I-A and I-AA to me, dammit.

That's all I have. Beth, your name/pic for Tuesday is Braves suck. Tem, your name/pic for Tuesday is Me & pops --->.

Friday, September 04, 2009

El Pad's 2009 NFL Preview

Let's jump right in this.

AFC East

Pats (13-3) - If they went 11-5 last year with Matt Castle* playing QB what do you think they'll go this year with Thomas Edward Brady, Jr. playing QB? They have arguably one of the best offenses in the league so stopping them will be difficult for most teams. Fred Taylor adds some toughness to their running game, something they've lacked since Dillion retired and they have a pretty easy schedule. Whether Pioli did the hiring or not him leaving could make a difference somewhere down the line. I'm leaning towards it won't because despite hating Belichick and his godly following he is exactly like Bill Parcells. They find football players. They don't care about age, speed, color, nationality, religion, etc. If you can play the shit out of the cornerback position they sign you to play cornerback. Let's just hope they don't go winning a title this year as me and aitch have a pretty significant bet hanging in the balance.

Dolphins (9-7) - I, just like everyone else who follows football closely, are interested to see if this "Wildcat" offense can be more than just a offensive "gimmick". Well the Dolphins are interested in knowing this too. Will 2nd round pick Pat White make an impact? At the end of the day they still posses a great running game and an accurate quarterback(with Henne in the wings...). So they can move the chains on your ass. But I worry a bit about the red zone offense where getting yards is tougher. With no real WR threats you can't run the ball in from the 20 or 15 or on 3rd and long situations, etc. The defense is probably a bit better this year just based on Jason Taylor coming back off a disaster year in Washington and the Raiders releasing Gibril Wilson which was a godsend for both Wilson and the Fins. Sparano is a solid coach so this team is not going anywhere unfortunately they play within the same division has the Pats who are dominant right now.

J-E-T-S (8-8) - The strength of this team is right up Rex Ryan's alley. They can run the football and they can stop the run. Unfortunately they don't rush the passer or defend the pass quite as well (ranked 29th vs the pass in 08'). Not for long though, as I look for Kerry Rhodes/Darielle Revis to benefit from a guy like Rex Ryan. Jim Leonhard knows the system. Bart Scott sees something cooking. This is a big year for the Jets and Jet fans. If Sanchez can weather the NY storm and be a capable guy back there this team could become a real threat to the division in 2010.

Bills (5-11) - I see the talent on the roster but none at one of the most important positions in the NFL. Offensive line. I can't remember a time where I read an NFL preview and came away feeling good vibes about a coach saying the Offensive line has some potential. Potential? Potential is the adjective you use to describe a 3rd round linebacker or a 2nd string QB. Not your starting offensive line, which boasts two rookies by the way. I hope Trent Edwards can throw a football on his back. I don't expect much from this team this year and I actually think Dick Jauron will pay the piper when it's all said and done. I mean they might go down swinging but an L is an L the same way a W is a W. Make sense? Prediction : T.O. will be ripping people left and right when the losses start piling up.

AFC North

Ravens (12-4) - Violence. Physical. Reckless. These are the words I use to describe this team. You can probably say the same thing about the Steelers but this time it's the Ravens who come out on top. Last year Pittsburgh beat Baltimore three times with the third being the AFC Championship game. All this did was make John Harbaugh look like Henry Winkler in Waterboy. With a year under his belt, more trust from Cam Cameron and playoff experience you can expect young Joe Flacco to grow (and John Harbaugh). The rushing attack is relentless (Ray Rice is better than McGahee RIGHT NOW) and Todd Heap looks ready to contribute. The schedule is kind, they might shutout 5 teams I mean it's unlikely but Bengals twice, Browns twice then opening home vs KC with no Castle* and in case they need to win the last game of the year to get in or win the division they can send half the team to get the job done because they play The Al Davis Circus.

Steelers (11-5) - I have a hard time saying teams can repeat because ordinarily there is roster turnover there is off-season partying/shenanigans, etc and complacency. It's rare that a team can stay focused the next year. But this Steelers team is different. Mike Tomlin is a very focused coach and players really respond to him. There was no turnover. I mean none. How they did that I don't know but 19 of the 22 starters from last year on the team again (CB McFadden is in Arizona and Larry Foote signed with Detroit). In fact the only other team to repeat in the past 10 years as been the Pats of 03-04. And there are similarities between the 2. In typing this actually I am tempted to change my pick to the Steelers but I'm going to keep it the way it is. They will win the AFC Wild Card though.

Bengals (8-8) - Cincy gets some key players back from injuries including big name QB Carson Palmer. Keith Rivers will be looking out for Hines Ward and Antwan Odom is getting paid alot of money to sack the QB. The roster looks like a bunch of NFL retreads but that might be a good thing. Hungry, hungry players. And if Chris Henry does actually grow up he can have a huge year. The first part of their schedule is a tough, after Denver they are in Lambeau then play the Steelers, Browns (at Clev), at Baltimore then Houston and Chicago, then a bye then Baltimore and Pittsburgh again. Outside of the Browns game that looks rough.

Browns (4-12) - I'm not going to spend much time writing about this team. I don't think they are very good obviously and most sports writers agree. Not even sure hiring Mangini was the answer since he is such a dick. But we'll see, they have some talent on the roster but not nearly enough and scoring was hard to come by last year. They were last in just about every offensive category. Not much has changed in that regard. I would get the ball to Cribbs early and often and maybe Braylon has a bounceback year. Who is the QB?

AFC South
Titans (13-3) - This team is loaded. I'm buying it. Maybe better than last year. Kerry Collins still has a rifle and does not make mistakes. They have a fierce running game, killer fucking secondary and very solid front four even without Haynesworth. The schedule does not appear to be too hard, lots of winnable games sprinkled in, no tough stretches. They always play Indianapolis close so no real division threat there and the fact remains Jeff Fisher can flat out coach. Think he's the longest tenured guy now that Cowher left two years ago. So some continuity. The guy who replaced young wizard Jim Schwartz is this crazy bastard.

Colts (10-6) - Couple of things that I noticed from all the previews, news, camp reports, etc when reading about the Colts. Within every one of those you got three things. One, how will Jim Caldwell fare as the head coach. Two, how will they replace a Marvn Harrison (who was practically absent all of last year so not sure why it's an issue) and three, the running game stinks. The third one, running game, was fixed once Donald Brown became a Colt, I really believe he is going to be solid in this league. the 2nd gripe is complicated because the Colts will rely on Pierre Garcon and Anthony Gonzalez to line up wide right on Sunday's. If Manning develops a strong rapport with either one of those guys you can expect the other one to be the slot receiver Manning loves throwing post corners too. If no rapport blossoms you can expect double teams on Wayne and Clark limiting Peyton's options. The first gripe to me is the biggest question. Tony Dungy is not a god but he won alot of football games as Head Coach of the Colts and one big super Bowl. With Tom Moore also gone I have to wonder if this team can have that success we always pencil them in for. I'm not so sure. They also have a brutal stretch of games in November, starting with the Texans who always play them tough, then the Pats come to town followed by road trips to Baltimore, Houston and home for the mighty Titans.

Texans (9-7) - I actually like the Texans, think they can be division winners soon. Just a whisker away from that happening this year though. Mario Williams and DeMeco Ryans are entering their fourth year together and becoming pretty unstoppable. Andre Johnson is a BEAST and Slaton proved he can run in this league. My concern is Matt Schaub who is a deathly accurate quarterback and knows how to run Kubiak's system. I worry about his ability to stay on the field. MCL sprain last year took him out for four games and even though that was because of a dirty Jared Allen hit it's always something with this guy. The sprained ankle on Monday night just from scrambling out of bounds is troubling.

Jagwires* (8-8) - Another re-building season but this time the physical style we were used to seeing will be back. This year, when you play the Jagwires, you will feel that shit all the way into Friday. The two mammoth tackles they drafted will stabilize a offensive line that was decimated last year by injuries. The D line is young but strong, MJD will get starter minutes and Jack Del Rio knows his ass is on the line this year. Their schedule is very manageable.

AFC West

Chargers (12-4) - They are probably going to go 6-0 in their division so really the Chargers have a 10 game schedule to focus on. Shawn Merriman will bring some life back into a defense that should have been much better than it was. Ron Rivera, the mastermind behind the Bears 2005 run to the Super Bowl, has full reigns over the D after taking it from the fired Ted Cotrell in week 8 of last year. If Norv Turner wasn't the head coach I'd pick them to win the Super Bowl, NS. Tomlinson has that look back, I think he has a huge fuck you year and stays healthy. He went soft for two years. Let's see if he redeems himself in the AFC Championship game.

Broncos (5-11) - Wow. where do I start. It seems since the collapse of last year the Broncos have been going downhill ever since. Fired Shanahan, hired McDaniels who pissed off franchise QB Jay Culter, so much so a trade was forced that immediately made the team worse. Now the Brandon Marshall saga is being played out in front of the public. My only question is Josh McDaniels really thought Matt Cassel is a better QB than Jay Cutler? Jay might be an asshole but he is significantly better than Matt Cassel, am I alone in thinking that? Anyway the defense still sucks so that is the real Achilles heal (oldest secondary in the league). That needs to get fixed before anything else. Another thing that bothers me is the swich from a 4-3 to a 3-4. They don't have the personnel for a 3-4. WFT blue?

Chiefs (5-11) - Drastic makeover, went from an ugly betty to a dime piece. But I'm not sure that will translate into more than 5 wins. For starters they are another team switching to a 3-4 with personnel not exactly suited for that. The pass rush is non-existent so let's see if Clancy Pendergast can come up with some creative blitzes and live up to the hype he was getting in Arizona. Cassel is hurt so that puts the first three weeks in question which actually snowballs into the first two months. Look at their schedule, the first 7 games are brutal. Outside of the Raiders game in week 2 they play 3 NFC East opponents, Baltimore and San Diego. That smells alot like 1-6.

Raiders (3-13) - JaMarcus is the black Joey Harrington. Jeff Garcia should start. That would buy them 2-3 more wins. The roster doesn't look bad there is talent on it but for whatever reason it never comes together on the field. They lack discipline as Arnold Schwarzernegger would say. Cable is trying to correct that, good luck with that Tom. I doubt going 4-12 earns you another year under the sick man you work for.

NFC East
Giants (11-5) - Talk about the receivers all you want, bottom line is the Giants faltered down the stretch because the D-Line was exhausted. They solved that this year by adding depth, Rocky Bernard, Chris Canty and Osi Umenyora is back and healthy. This takes the pressure of Justin Tuck, moves Kiwanuka back to linebacker and will force teams to pick their poison. Can't double team both Tuck and Osi. Giants can run the shit out of the ball and rush the shit out of the passer. They can also stop the run. I would say they have mild concerns about the secondary but with more pressure from the front seven that goes away. The WR potpourri they have will be just fine. We ain't talking about the Bears sorry ass group of Wideouts here. Plus I expect more passes to the backs, it will take some pressure off the WR group and open up the field for Elijah a bit more.

Redskins (9-7) - I'm probably too high on Washington but it's either 9-7, 7-9, or 8-8 for them. I'm picking 9-7. I think Jason Campbell finally gets it this year. He's a dumb kid but looks like he might be starting to understand exactly what the defense is trying to do. I would like to see what he does with a real weapon but unfortunately this team frowns upon developing young talent so there is none on the offensive side of the ball. If Malcolm Kelly or Devin Thomas can step up and allow Antwan Randel-El to be the slot receiver that could cause opposing teams problems. The defense is going to shine, Haynesworth will really cause problems and it will allow the skins to get pressure naturally. They ranked 29th last year in sacks and that simply has to get better. Very favorable first half schedule by the way.

Eagles (8-8) - Way to much shit going against the Eagles. They lost some of that continuity, that chemistry that was the driving force behind all the success the Eagles have had. John Runyan, Brian Dawkins, Tra Thomas and the loss of their defensive coordinator to death. Starting MLB out with a torn ACL for the year and they signed Mike Vick which creates a chain of events that will lead to a McNabb/Eagles divorce. Westbrook is 30 and had knee surgery in the off-season. They have a brutal stretch in their schedule that can break any team down, check this : starting Nov 1st, Giants, Cowboys, at SD, at Chicago, Skins, at Atlanta, at Giants. There is no break there.

Cowboys (6-10) - Yes I hate the Cowboys, no that's ain't why I'm picking them to only win 6 games. You think I'm buggin right? Well let me lay it out, Roy Williams is not T.O. and Patrick Crayton is not a #2 WR. They have to replace TO's 38 TD's which were most in the league during the 2006-2008 seasons. They had the lowest amount of injuries last year, lower than the NFL average. Chances are that won't happen again. Wade Phillips gets walked all over, they too lack discipline. They have an owner who puts a great deal of pressure on them yet they haven't won a playoff game since 1996. I don't think they sniff the playoffs this year. Take a peek at their last 5 games, Giants, Chargers, Saints, Skins, Eagles. Good luck Wade. Hi Mike Shanahan!

NFC North
Packers (11-5) - I think this is a dogfight of a division. Everyone is latching on the Vikings, the Bears are getting good pub after the Cutler trade and the Packers were alot better than last year's record indicated. They lost 7 games by 4 points or less last year and the offense was not the problem as Rodgers was the 4th best passer in the league. Green Bay's problem last year was stopping the run, especially on third and short scenarios. Now they are switching to the 3-4 (everyone switching to the 3-4? jesus) and expect to get more pressure on the QB with Kampan (now rushing standing up) and Kevin Greene as the linebacker coach. Dom Capers who is like the 3-4's grandfather is also on the staff. Pretty favorable schedule also.

Bears (9-7) - Some think the Bears defense is back, the one that ranked in the bottom 5 last year. I will buy some of that, Rod Marinelli will help that d-line and Urlacher is 100% healthy. Obviously they upgraded the QB position but they didn't upgrade the WR position. Forte is going to catch a ton of balls, Olsen will benefit from Jay and this offense will be better allowing the defense more time to froth on the sidelines. This is a dangerous team in January.

Vikes (9-7) - I don't understand, didn't the Jets go 8-3 then sputtered down the stretch because Farve is an old dog. Farve is like that old porn star that just won't go away, you know the one that will commit to anal even though she doesn't want to just to collect one last paycheck? If Farve faded last year whose to say he won't fade this year? I understand the Vikings are loaded but I think the Farve signing actually made them worse. And they now went from big expectations to HUGE expectations. Never a good formula for winning a championship. Are the Williams'eseseses getting suspended or what?

Lions (4-12) - Yeah, they'll win a game here and there. You can expect some improvement. The running back is solid, Calvin Johnson is no joke, and Jim Schwartz is going to get some pass rush out of those guys. Lots of veterans with ton of experience, good clubhouse they built. I think Culpepper should start, just cause there is no reason to burn Stafford's shirt so early. Chances are Daunte will stub a toe or something and he'll end up playing anyway. Oh and they won't win a game until Nov 1st (home vs St. Louis) so is that going to be some kind of record? 0-22?

NFC South
Saints (11-5) - They can score on anyone. ANYONE. 5 losses by a FG or less last year and Gregg Williams, a defensive coordinator fix-it-man has installed some new defensive looks that even confused Sean Payton. This is a good thing. Saints ranked 26th in points allowed and 23rd in yards allowed. If they can hover in the teens, an improvement that I think they can make, they are going to win the division. Pierre Thomas will be the battering ram, Bush won't have to worry about putting his head down and running through people, he can be his dancin, jumping, speedy self. Brees is a wizard back there and his offensive line only gave up 13 sacks a year ago.

Panthers (9-7) - One of the best running games going, in fact in certain down and distances DeAngelo Williams, statistically, is a better running back than Adrian Peterson. John Fox is still trying to get the shitstain washed out of the Panther sheets after Jake Delhomme's "shit the bed" nightmare NFC Championship performance. I worry about their depth though, when Steve Smith went down early in training camp pandemonium set in.

Falcons (8-8) - Falcons improved by seven wins last year, a big big turnaround led by ROY Matt Ryan. Coach Mike Smith is trying to rebuild a defense that was very poor against the run. A no-no when you have to play Carolina twice, the Giants, the Redskins the Bears and the Jets. All stout running teams. Interesting to see if the drafting of 7 defensive players will impact the unit this year. Especially the first rounder Peria. I don't think there is any doubt that Matt Ryan and the offense will be fine. It's the young defense that will knock Atlanta off track and into mediocre waters.

Bucs (4-12) - Well, another WFT moment in the off-season concerning a firing of a pretty good (and winning) coach, followed by a strange hire. Raheem Morris and all of his experience is the new sherriff in town and will be trying to field a competitive team. Gone is old reliable Monte Kiffin and captain Derrick Brooks. Byron Leftwhich is holding onto the starting gig until young Josh Freeman is ready, the running game has some promise but a rough start lingers as they face the Giants, Skins, Eagles, Panthers and New England (in London) IN A ROW.

NFC West
Seahawks (9-7) - Finally healhty the Seahawks will be back to winning the West. In taking advantage of the Super Bowl hangover the Cards will suffer from they will only need 9 wins to do so. Free agent WR TJ Houshmanzedah will give Hasselback the target he needs to move the chains and Julius Jones looks to rebound from a year in which he fell out of favor with departed Mike Holmgren. Either way Edge will give them some depth and leadership to help Matt and the defense gained a big time playmaker in 1st round pick Aaron Curry.

Cardinals (8-8) - Too talented to not win 8 games but too hungover to win any more. The staff has to adjust for the loss of Todd Haley, new HC of the Chiefs. Kurt Warner is 38 and one big hit away from being a Christian Steve Young, no depth on the offensive line and last year they went 16 games without an injury. Amazing. They also drew the tougher NFC North and AFC South this year.

Rams (7-9) - Spagnuolo will breahte some life into the Rams this year, most notably into that defense. A Jim Johnson disciple he was the architect to the miraculous game planning in Super Bowl 42 (Giants 17- Pats 10) and had the Giants in the top ten in defense two years in a row. He'll turn Adam Carriker and Chris Long into beasts that is a fact. Paired with Leonard Little and plugging in the child of a hellish WWF superstar the defense should be solid. Now, if the offense can improve on the horriffic red zone stats (10 TD's in 29 trips) from 2008 you'll see a mighty improvement. Especially with a fresh Stephen Jackson toting the rock.

49ers (5-11) - Mike Singeltary will be taking off his pants alot. Niners enter their 4th straight year with a new O-Coordinator, still trying to switch to a 3-4 and have very little depth at key positions. Including QB where Shaun Hill is the starter and former first round pick Alex Smith is the backup. If you ask me neither of them are NFL starters. Crabtree situation is a nightmare especially since he was supposed to be the #2 receiver on the first NFL Sunday. Instead they pair underwhelming QB's with underwhelming WR's. Not a good look. Brutal month of November, at Indy, Titans, Bears at Lambeau, and Jagwires*. All those teams are better than the Niners. And once you lose 5 straight what's to keep you from losing 6 straight.

AFC Division Winners : Pats, Ravens, Titans, Chargers
AFC Wild Card Winners: Steelers, Colts

Wild Card Round : Ravens over Steelers, Chargers over Colts

Divisional Round : Chargers over Pats, Titans over Ravens

AFC Championship game : Titans over Chargers

NFC Division Winners : Giants, Packers, Saints, Hawks
NFC Wild Card Winners : Bears, Panthers

Wild Card Round : Giants over Bears, Hawks over Panthers

Divisional Round : Saints over Giants, Packers over Hawks

NFC Championship game : Saints over Packers
Super Bowl : Titans over Saints

Great coaches always get one, Jeff Fisher is a great coach. And this is his best shot.

Fired coaches include, Wade Phillips, Marvin Lewis, Dick Jauron and Tom Cable.

Thursday, September 03, 2009

I don't have much to say... for once.

Yeah, not much has gotten my attention, but here are a few quick hitters.

Curt Schilling says he would be interested in Ted Kennedy's vacant seat. Good luck with that #38. Let's forget for a second that you have no qualifications whatsoever. This state is bluer than...something really blue, and you openly supported Bush, the war, and McCain. You have ZERO chance of getting elected.

Advertising during sporting events is ridiculous. The Red Sox's "rivalry games" against Tampa and NY are sponsored by Hess. I flip over to the 4 letter and the bottom line is sponsored by Aleve while they are playing a highlight sponsored by Citgo. Really? REALLY? Really. It's getting out of hand. Pretty soon every other word out of the announcer's mouth will be a product's name. "Here's the google™ windup and the Taco Bell™ pitch. And it's a Coors Light™ fly ball to left, caught by Norwegian Cruise Line™ spokesman Jason Bay. That out was brought to you by Yahoo! Sports™, now with free statracker." Seriously, tone it down people.

Speaking of advertisements, can we please go back to the days where you couldn't advertise prescription drugs? I tuned in to watch a ballgame, not to hear about the latest glaucoma treatment or how to cure my ailing prostate. That's what my doctor is for. And some of the side effects are worse than the condition it is treating. I heard one commercial that said a possible side effect was death. I mean, I guess if you are dead then you don't have to worry about what was ailing you, but it seems a little extreme to me.

Memo to aspiring National League pitchers, consider pitching a couple months in Boston first. Apparently this is the magic elixir* for NL success. Seriously, Brad Penny goes out and tosses 8 shutout innings while Josh Beckett struggles for the 4th straight start. Maybe John Farrell isn't as good a pitching coach as we thought.

That's it. Read. React. Or don't. That's on you.

*Is elixir > D-? If so, I apologize for using it.

Wednesday, September 02, 2009


As Tem reported yesterday, the Dodgers acquired my new homey, Jim Thome. And Jon Garland. Thome will basically pinch and play a couple of games at first, and that's about it; he's going to be more of a power threat than anything else. Garland is going to provide some relief for the Dodgers young starters; once Hiroki Kuroda comes back next week, they will have six starting pitchers, so Billingsley and Kershaw will get some extra days down the stretch. Their bench is really starting to shape up with Belliard, Pierre, Loretta and Thome. That's a nice combination of speed and power that Torre can mix in. I really like the Garland move, their starting rotation has looked really thin all season, so hopefully he can provide some help.

As Zeke reported, the Bengals first-round pick Andre Smith finally singed a contract, but then he broke his ankle in practice during a non-contact drill. Excuse me for a second:


Ah, that was quite humorous. The real funny thing is, if you watch Hard Knocks on HBO, the Bengals coaches and players have been ripping on this guy for weeks. There's the video of him running at Alabama's Pro Day* (he's at the 43 second mark ::WARNING:: he has tits), then HBO showed footage of him working out with a trainer in Alabama while the rest of the team was in camp; the players were mocking him for that as well. Broke his ankle in a non-contact drill, I still can't get over that. Hilarious.

Ricky Rubio is going to play in Europe for two years. Shocker. Way to go, Minnesota. By the way, has anyone talked about the coaching staff Rambis has put together? Ed Pinckney, Reggie Theus, and...wait for it...Bill Laimbeer. NEED REALITY TV SHOW.

Neftali Feliz is my new man-crush. If you're gonna try and pick him up in either of the LoV leagues, don't even bother, I've had him for a couple of weeks. Dude just comes in, strikes guys out, and if they put him in with a lead, he leaves the game with a hold. I love holds now.

Peavy had an MRI done on his elbow. It showed a bruise and some fluid buildup. Way to go White Sox. Maybe that's why they're unloading half of their team, they figure they're already dunzo and they've spent too much money on their crazy acquisitions that they're just going to throw in the towel for this year. I don't get it.

In response to Keith's "We had to go re-sign our title papers this morning because the bank fucked up the date on the original ones. Woe." comment last night - Yep, welcome to buying a house Keef. From my experience as well as talking to others, there is no such thing as a smooth transaction when you're buying a home. They pretty much make it as frustrating as possible.

And I'm out.

* I don't care if this has been linked before, it is gross and funny at the same time.

Tuesday, September 01, 2009

I hate when

I forget that it is Tuesday. I mean come on, how hard is it to remember what day it is? Well for me it is pretty difficult. I am dumb.

Anyway, let's go.

License Plate

I need to start writing these down. I see a couple good ones a week, but on Tuesday I forget them. I am going to buy a pad of paper and a pen for the car to write this shit down on.


It seems to be a well known fact that gay guys and straight girls get along like peanut butter and jelly. They just have a blast together. Why the heck doesn't it work the other way? Why aren't lesbians and straight guys best buds? It just doesn't work that way. You'll never see me hanging out at BW2s watching football with some lesbian and talking about the newest line of Wolverine Steel Toed Boots. And not because I'd be against it, but because the lesbian would. What gives lesbians? Why can't you hang out with dudes? Gay men and straight women are making us look bad.


I've said this one before, I think, but I will say it again. If you are going 63mph in a 65mph zone and you come up on a cop radaring people you do not need to slam on your brakes and get down to 55mph. Fucking old shitty drivers make me crazy. First they are in the passing lane while I am trying to get to work. They are probably just putzing around, still lost from their Sunday drive and they are holding me up. Late to work, late to post, forgot it was Tuesday all because of some old shithead.

sports talk

Dodgers get Thome and Garland. Not sure what the Dbags and Sox got out of the deal, but I don't see Thome helping the Dodgers much. He is old and can't play the field.

Michigan players are little girls. They cry too much, but Rich Rod is in some hot water. It is bad when players go to the media to complain. He must be a grade A asshole. I mean, other coaches definitely break the same rules, but their players do not complain. Good lord.

EA was on Oprah or will be. She said getting taped nude was a "nightmare." Funny, nightmare for her, dream come true for millions of men (and some women).

Seems like the Rockies, Giants and Dodgers are adding every available player.

tem movie review

And now for the only part people care to read. Except maybe the temthought and temrant. Well I guess that is the bulk of the "article."


Sherlock Holmes

This is a solid flick. Anytime the subject matter is this interesting the movie has to be good. It doesn't matter that it was directed by nobody at all or that the actors didn't even get a script, they didn't need it. The movie was about Sherlock Holmes. No scripts or director needed here, everyone knows the story of Sherlock Holmes.

As we all know and really I feel silly writing this out because it is common knowledge, Sherlock Holmes is John Holmes' little brother. And we all know that little has a double meaning there. Poor Sherlock got the short end of the stick. You'd call him the runt of the litter, but he wasn't John's twin and wasn't from the same litter, so you can't call him that....if you did you would be wrong. In any case Sherlock's life is full of many interesting stories and it is interesting to see which ones the actors chose to act out. Also I should note that the camera men must have been new because sometimes they are just filming the wall, but you can hear the actors.

Again, anyway, the bulk of the movie is about that famous attempt at enlargement. Sherlock needed to get bigger so that he could make the football team. We all know how that turned out, poor Sherlock ended up making the team and never playing a down. Kind of anti-climactic, which by the by is how Sherlock's wife describes their bedroom life.

So, if you are looking to watch one historical documentary about a guy I just made up I recommend this one.

3 helmet sticker out of 5.

Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"

"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem

"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug

"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino

"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H

"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino

"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino