Wednesday, August 26, 2009

The Chad Is Not My Son.

So they're still playing a lot of Mike Jackson on the radio, and I am convinced that in the song Billie Jean he says "The Chad Is Not My Son" in the chorus. Some people say it's "The Kid", but if you listen to that song, I swear to Jeebus that he says "The Chad". I'm telling you. The Chad, it's science*.

I went to a Steakhouse Saturday night and had the best steak I've ever had in my life, hands down. Mastro's Steakhouse. It was EXCELLENT. No need for hot sauce on my steak AT ALL. There are like three in Scottsdale, I don't know how far that is from our AZ peeps, but I highly recommend it. It's not cheap either, we had a $125 gift card and we spent almost exactly that much out of pocket. I still have dreams about the lobster mash potatoes; they were so good. And seriously, it was best steak I've ever had. I wish Obama and/or Congress would come up with some kind of Universal Steakhouse Bill where you pay a monthly premium and then when you go to eat a steakhouse, you have like a $10 co-pay. And there could be an HMO version, which places like Outback and Sizzler would participate in and there there would be a PPO option, which the more expensive steakhouses would be affiliated with. Yeah, these are the kinds of things I think about.

I've got a bachelor party to go to Saturday night and then I've got three fantasy football drafts Sunday afternoon. So this weekend is going to be pretty rough. Two of them are LoV drafts. So if you see me drafting Tight Ends in the fourth round and defenses and kickers in the eighth and ninth rounds, you'll know that I'm probably operating at 50% capacity. At the very most.

Last night was sweepers for my summer bowling league. One dude took 13 out of a possible 14 money envelopes for the pairs. He went home with loot. I had an average series and did not go in with him, so I did not win any money. Woesauce.

So you can buy Simmons new book from Randomhouse for $30, or from Amazon for $19.80. Hmmmmm, I wonder where I'm going to get it from. And even though my hate for Simmons has been well documented, but I am interested to see what he has to say about basketball for 700 pages. I am preparing for 650 pages covering the Celtics and Larry Bird, with the other 50 pages focusing on the rest of the entire history of basketball.

Hey, so, this is a sports blog, right? Maybe I should write about sports. El P, you need to tell your boy Plax to just stop talking. Every time I turn on my TV, he's doing an interview. Knock it off, you do that after you get out in two years to rebuild the rep. No one is going to remember you media blitz in two years. Save it until you're out on parole.

So half of the Mets are on the DL. I'm not kidding, with Yo-Han* and Putz, they have TWELVE players on the DL. That's crazy talk.

Philip Rivers got $92 million for six years, huh? Wow, that is a giant contract. Apparently the Chargers aren't affected by the crappy economy and they have plenty of money to spend. They are also going to have to trade him or cut him in about three or four years when LT has lost seventeen steps and the team is in last place.

This Dodgers situation is getting out of hand. Their lead is now down to two games and they have two more games in Colorado. I am worried. The pitching situation is now just a complete debacle.

Speaking of debacles, this Michael Beasley story is just crazy. He's had a meltdown and is going to rehab and that was just after one year of playing professionally for a team that was in the lower half of the playoffs in the weaker conference. So, what's going to happen if they make the Finals at some point and they lose? That would be one rough off-season. Good luck trying to move him now, Riles.

Ok, that's enough, I'm done.



*I know this is going to drive Kod crazy and he will make a comment about my well-known rep for ruining 80's song lyrics.

471 comments:

1 – 200 of 471   Newer›   Newest»
Aitch said...

I saw something on sportscenter where the combined salaries of the Mess players on the DL is more than the opening day rosters of a bunch of teams.

Aitch

Beth said...

I remember many years ago seeing Letterman where he said the MJ lyrics were "the CHAIR is not my son" and played it to prove it. When it came to the word in question they had purposely badly dubbed in some guy saying in a very bland voice "chair". It was hilarity.

Jugdish said...

No need for hot sauce on my steak AT ALL.


stop it!

Jugdish said...

steakhouse copay is genius

El Padrino said...

"I saw something on sportscenter where the combined salaries of the Mess players on the DL is more than the opening day rosters of a bunch of teams.

Aitch"

I see this and raise you this.

El Padrino said...

"steakhouse copay is genius"

word

El Padrino said...

"So half of the Mets are on the DL. I'm not kidding, with Yo-Han* and Putz, they have TWELVE players on the DL. That's crazy talk."

21 players in all, now THAT is crazy talk

Beth said...

That's not crazy talk, that's just plain amusing. :-)

El Padrino said...

it is actually

El Padrino said...

vick signed with the eagles

El Padrino said...

Rockies/Rangers World Series

DONT

EVEN

TRIP

El Padrino said...

RIP Ted Kennedy

whatever that means

tem said...

marcus vick?

tem said...

it means Rest In Peace.

Jugdish said...

it means Rest In Peace.


T...please add that to your list of acronyms

tem said...

FIU is scared to play North Carolina, but Ohio State is OK?

Either team should beat them easily.

El Padrino said...

"it means Rest In Peace."

yeah i was just sayin, wasnt a fan of Ted but respect none the less for his service and whatnot

tem said...

Stop the Presses, we are out of original creamer in the office kitchen.

People are not happy.


Note: tem does not care because tem does not drink coffee or creamer.

tem said...

nonetheless is one word.

tem said...

Mort "Keith" Sanchez starting for the J-E-T-S.

Poor Clemens, keeps getting replaced before he even gets a chance.

El Padrino said...

Clemens is awful, Duck Dodgers would get the nod over him if he were on the roster

tem said...

of course, Duck Dodgers is awesome.


he is talking space captain duck. who wouldn't want that as a QB?

tem said...

also he is from the future, so he knows all the plays.

El Padrino said...

gubment cant even give out money right

tem said...

govt can't do anything right....this is well documented.

blue said...

EP...has anyone ever told you that you're a debbie downer?

blue said...

Rush padrino

El Limbaugh

el hannity


none of these roll off the tongue

Steve said...

happy bday old lady

tem said...

oh yeah, today is beth's birthday.

i should have sent her a black kid christmas card.

blue said...

i sent her edible underwears

tem said...

yahoo autodrafted some ff league with some buddies.

i had the #1 pick it took AP.

then in round 4 it took Witten.

round 5 it took Gates.

El Padrino said...

happy birthday BETH!!

Beth said...

Thanks for the gift EP but I hope you kept the receipt. I think I'm going to need to return it for a larger size.

Beth said...

And of course Steve considers me an old lady. That's what happens when your mental age is stuck at five. :-)

Jugdish said...

Happy Birthday Beth!

tem said...

just realized one of my facebook friends named their kid "Yoda"

tem said...

"Thanks for the gift EP but I hope you kept the receipt. I think I'm going to need to return it for a larger size."


gotta be an L Pad is short joke or has a tiny dick joke in there somewhere.

blue said...

did they wall you that info?

Beth said...

That kid will get beaten the rest of his life.

Jugdish said...

just realized one of my facebook friends named their kid "Yoda"


must be a good looking kid

Beth said...

And thanks to all for the b-day wishes!

Beth said...

"gotta be an L Pad is short joke or has a tiny dick joke in there somewhere."

It's a tiny dick joke. EP's link was to a "dick in a box" costume.

tem said...

"It's a tiny dick joke. EP's link was to a "dick in a box" costume."

i figured.

i didn't click on the link. figured it was NSFW.

tem said...

"did they wall you that info?"

they posted pics of their kid and it popped up on my newsfeed or whatever it is called.

Steve said...

"That's what happens when your mental age is stuck at five"

you say that like it's a bad thing.

blue said...

did you get my used edible underwear?

blue said...

crotchless panties are the gift that keeps on giving

tem said...

worse* part is that i can't really tell if Yoda is a boy or a girl.

i think boy.

tem said...

has beth already had her birthday sex?

blue said...

"worse* part is that i can't really tell if Yoda is a boy or a girl."

meiz will know

El Padrino said...

"Thanks for the gift EP but I hope you kept the receipt. I think I'm going to need to return it for a larger size."

saw it coming but it was worth the wait

Steve said...

"Yoda"

look for this kid to climb a clock tower in 15-20 years.

blue said...

beth is the opposite of guys...for her birthday she doesn't have sex...it's the one day a year she doesn't have to put out.

Beth said...

"did you get my used edible underwear?"

Those were used? That explains why I had to floss afterwards.

Jugdish said...

look for this kid to climb a clock tower in 15-20 years.



the kid will grow up to be Doc Brown?

blue said...

'the kid will grow up to be Doc Brown?"

hopefully he reads the note before they terrorists shoot him

tem said...

Doc Yoda Brown

blue said...

libyans i believe they were

Beth said...

"has beth already had her birthday sex?"

Not yet, that's later.

And blue is half right, on my b-day it's not a mutual thing but instead I just lay back and enjoy while he does ALL the work. :-)

blue said...

just wait untils you get married, then you're birthday will be the best day of the year

Aitch said...

Just heard some suite* hdh on the local sports station. An emailer said the hosts were "casting dispersions" on the late Sen. Kennedy.

tem said...

why isn't it the best now?

tem said...

are the hosts wizards?

blue said...

"why isn't it the best now?"

because you're just a year older and still alone...closer to an old maid.

blue said...

i could* care less about these dispersions

blue said...

Ted Kennedy always seemed alright to me...he liked to drink...and drive.



Gotta think it's tough being him, you're 2 brothers were shot to death in broad daylight...not a lot of white folks have that happen to them.

Jugdish said...

didn't he kill some chick too?

blue said...

i know we've talked about this, but "prison consultant" sounds like an awesome job...

plax is getting advise on which tattoos to cover up and shit...that's funny...try covering up the one on your ass that says "open for business"

blue said...

"didn't he kill some chick too?"

yeah, drunk driving accident drove his car into a lake or something.

blue said...

Ted Kennedy's death may mark the end of O:FB

Beth said...

"yeah, drunk driving accident drove his car into a lake or something."

Details per the bible.

El Padrino said...

fucked up shit

Jugdish said...

seems like a good guy

Jugdish said...

s

tem said...

all kennedy's are good guys.

that is why the massholes keep electing them.

El Padrino said...

"Police in Stratford said they’ve charged a man with burglary and disorderly conduct after he allegedly wandered into a neighbor’s home, stripped off his clothes and fell asleep in a 6-year-old’s bed. Teddy Brisseaux, 26, was arrested early Sunday after a child in a house a block from Brisseaux’s woke his parents to tell them a man was asleep in his bed. When officers arrived, the residents were screaming for help from a second-floor window. Officers said Brisseaux’s clothes, which smelled of urine and alcohol, had been dropped on the floor. They say Brisseaux admitted drinking at a New Haven club but denied he was in the wrong house."


Standing Ovation. Now that is how you drink.

blue said...

friend of mine did something similar in college.


of course all dorm rooms look similar....but he ended up walking into the wrong dorm room and tried to get into some other dudes bed....twas hilarity as the story was retold

tem said...

i remember lots of people going into the wrong room in college.

especially in coed dorms.

Jugdish said...

I did something similar in college.



fixed

El Padrino said...

wait, so YOU DIDNT take my appendix out?

tem said...

and amazingly enough, some lady just walked into our building and is talking to the secretary about how she might be in the wrong building.

Jugdish said...

wait, so YOU DIDNT take my appendix out?



If that was me I wouldn't want that pic posted with the article

Jugdish said...

river trip this weekend


DET

tem said...

don't get lost.

a river is like a giant pool

Jugdish said...

i will see a lot of tits and ass on the river...suite

blue said...

man boobs and buttcracks don't count

blue said...

where are you rivering?

Jugdish said...

i know

El Padrino said...

watch out for Kevin Bacon jug

blue said...

jug...

when you say river trip here it means you're going rafting...

i'm guessing that's not what you mean?

Jugdish said...

guadelupe river

Jugdish said...

i'm guessing that's not what you mean?



right...river trip here means renting a toob, getting a cooler of beer, and just floating down the river for about 6 hours

El Padrino said...

"right...river trip here means renting a toob, getting a cooler of beer, and just floating down the river for about 6 hours"

river trip in NY means your dead, this sounds better

Jugdish said...

i will go with the texas river trip instead

tem said...

"toob"


?

a tube?

tem said...

"i will see a lot of tits and ass on the river...suite"

pictures are in order then assuming they are female tits and ass.

if they are male send them to L Pad and TJW.

Tyler said...

"yahoo autodrafted some ff league with some buddies.

i had the #1 pick it took AP.

then in round 4 it took Witten.

round 5 it took Gates."

I'm in an autodraft league, but they moved it to ESPN this year. You can set up your draft preference by round on ESPN. You have options like Best Available, and then all of the individual positions, and then combinations like RB or WR and WR or TE. So I went through and set it up for every round. I'll let you know how it goes. Yahoo needs to figure something like this out. One year my team auto-drafted Fitzgerald and Boldin in back-to-back rounds. Everyone knew I had both and wouldn't trade with me.

Jugdish said...

?

a tube?


yes, but toob is hdh, plus that is how all the rental places spell it...like you spell boob

blue said...

ah, we tube the river here too...

tubing is great


i know people in the south who go to the river to water ski and wakeboard...which just gets a blank stare from me

Jugdish said...

we rent from here

Jugdish said...

but we don't get a canoe

blue said...

your canoe will sink

tem said...

even if Yahoo! had such a thing I would not have worked on it, but it would be nice if they would add one for other more industrious folk.

i am just amused that yahoo! decided i needed gates and witten.

then about 5 rounds later it took heath miller.

Jugdish said...

i can post some pics of the girls who are going with us...we don't usually take cameras with us on the river because chances are we will lose them...but we'll have some good pics from the weekend itself

tem said...

do it to it

blue said...

agreed

Jugdish said...

done...i posted some of the good pics on my blog. this is from this past sunday.

one of them may not be SFW

Jugdish said...

im gonna take them off soon too

Tyler said...

"then about 5 rounds later it took heath miller."

You should look into trading one of those guys.

Tyler said...

I'm just sayin', you've got a lot of tight ends.

tem said...

right now i am starting Gates in the flex position.

tem said...

yeah jug is going to see tits and ass.

Tyler said...

And what happened to Todd Heap? I was watching a Ravens pre-season game and they went out and got LJ Smiff. I think they're using Yahoo's Tight End strategy.

tem said...

"You should look into trading one of those guys."

oh and it is like a 16 team league.

tem said...

Heap has been injured a lot.

tem said...

oh damn, it is actually only 12 teams.

tem said...

i count about as well as i read.

blue said...

jugs friends look fun

Jugdish said...

our softball team has a good time

El Padrino said...

jug's friends are the better

tem said...

you should add keith to the roster.

he bats like 800

Beth said...

"jugs friends look fun"

Yep, I'd hang with them.

Tyler said...

Jug needs to close the deal with one of them there girls.

El Padrino said...

Jug needs to close the deal with all of them there girls.

El Padrino said...

*fixed

Meiz said...

I fucking hate this place. I fucking hate it to death. This motherfucker runs this place like shit and then hangs me out to dry every fucking day. Motherfucker makes promises to all these fucking people that he can't fucking keep and then ditches out and leaves me to look like the douchebag asshole. I need to get the fuck out of here fast. This is fucking bullshit. We never have the shit we need. And when he orders shit we need, he never gets enough of it. MO-THER-FUCK. FUCK.

Meiz said...

FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCCKKKKKKKKKKKkk

Jugdish said...

FFFFFFFFFFFUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUCCCCCCCCCCC


WWWWOOOOOOOOOEEEEEEEEEEEEE


fixed

El Padrino said...

stay thirsty my friends

Beth said...

Where's zeke when we need him to cut & paste about Meiz not being an angry person?

Tyler said...

Start up MPS already.

blue said...

maybe meiz should get another job

Meiz said...

I'm seriously thinking of putting an ad out on craigslist & shit to take out & fuck old rich broads.

Beth said...

Someone here just emailed a few people about how her elbow is hurting her and said this, "It agitating when I’m typing."

tem said...

did you send that email?

Tyler said...

"I'm seriously thinking of putting an ad out on craigslist & shit to take out & fuck old rich broads."

You're going to be a happiness consultant?

Jugdish said...

"I'm seriously thinking of putting an ad out on craigslist & shit to take out & fuck old rich broads."


it would be funny if he did this and his mom ends up responding to the ad

Meiz said...

"just realized one of my facebook friends named their kid "Yoda""


1st grin of the day

Jugdish said...

maybe you could get a yob writing for the dailywoe(stache)

Spaceman Spiff said...

"I went to a Steakhouse Saturday night and had the best steak I've ever had in my life, hands down. Mastro's Steakhouse. It was EXCELLENT.
There are like three in Scottsdale, I don't know how far that is from our AZ peeps, but I highly recommend it."

EL Tylerdrino

Aitch said...

Happy birthday, Beth. Did you decide on a tattoo? Ns

Beth said...

I figure spiff either has this huge LOV database where he cross checks every post and comment to make sure nothing like it has ever been on LOV, or else he has a Rain Man memory.

Jugdish said...

or else he has a Rain Man memory.


a ratard?

Spaceman Spiff said...

im the one who brought up mastros thats why i remember this time

El Padrino said...

yeah spiff has a mind like a steel trap

Spaceman Spiff said...

last year on my birfday i ate so much there i couldnt drive after

El Padrino said...

spiff do you work as a janitor at a school, even though you feel like you are smarter than everyone else, and sometimes you'll see an equation on the board and finish it?

Spaceman Spiff said...

i wish i was will hunting smart, that would be suite

Jugdish said...

i wish i was will hunting smart, that would be suite

then you'd probably end up in and out of jail, beating guys up who beat you up in kindergarten, and drinking at little league games

Aitch said...

Jug, I think I may join you on this trip. I think I would have fun.

Jugdish said...

the challenge will be to be drunk, but not too drunk where I won't be able to go out Saturday night. One of the chicks has a friend having a bachelorette party that night, and they are going here, where they play keef's favorite music

Meiz said...

I've calmed down a little bit

isiah thompson said...

I hope this isn't L Padrino


That looks fucking awsome*

keefdrino

Meiz said...

Jug, when the fuck am I moving in?

isiah thompson said...

the Mastro's stuff is T-drino, but it's exceptible* because Mastro's is HDH.

we have them here, been to City Hall (run by Mastro's peeps) lobsta* mash is the new hotness.

isiah thompson said...

Dikembe Meiztombo said...
I'm not an angry person at all.
September 8, 2008 1:03 AM


it's almost a year since he said it.

isiah thompson said...

happy birfday Beth, those eggs are one year older and drier.

isiah thompson said...

El Padrino said...
watch out for Kevin Bacon jug

August 26, 2009 10:22 AM



fucking hilarity.

that movie is awesome

isiah thompson said...

we had a $125 gift card and we spent almost exactly that much out of pocket.


took some kinfolk there as an anniversary present and tolt them to get whatever. they were fucking double fisting kettle one martini's* like they were water. as.holes.

isiah thompson said...

first skeletor
dies, now man-at-arms
kicks the bucket.

too soon?

Spaceman Spiff said...

the martinis there are already 2 drinks too

Meiz said...

"Dikembe Meiztombo said...
I'm not an angry person at all.
September 8, 2008 1:03 AM


it's almost a year since he said it."


What the fuck ever. I'm beyond that bullshit.

El Padrino said...

best steak i had was at bobby van's

and no keef i didnt put hot sauce on it, not even an ounce

Steve said...

"the challenge will be to be drunk, but not too drunk where I won't be able to go out Saturday night"

went golfing last saturday morning, i tried this very feat.

i was not successful.

Meiz said...

He just fucking did that shit. I've got 4 fucking people stacked up in front of me and they all want helped immediately, and he's on the fucking phone with his buddy talking about the weekend. PULL YOUR HEAD OUT OF YOUR ASS.

isiah thompson said...

CNN: Cedarburg, Wisc. A local UPS employee went on a killing spree today, killing 5 people inside the local UPS store where he worked. The authorities surrounded the store as the killer screamed "I'm not an angry person at all!" before taking the gun to himself.

Meiz said...

aaaaand calm again. For now.

Meiz said...

I'm toting the rock for stupid fucking Steelers on Madden superstar mode. Fuck the Steelers. I'm gonna demand a trade in 2 seasons.


My "Superstar Personality" is listed as "The I in team".

Jugdish said...

Jug, when the fuck am I moving in?


full house now with my brother moving back today...check back in May.

we don't wear white sheets in my neighborhood and i have interwebs access

blue said...

interwebs is the better

Jugdish said...

mEEz...remember LOVAD?

blue said...

poor LOVAD has missed its meez

Jugdish said...

mEEz is too busy throwing bricks through neighborhood windows to worry about LOVAD

tem said...

what is lov ad?

tem said...

oops forgot the /l Pad tag.

Meiz said...

"mEEz...remember LOVAD?"


Yes. It was wonderful.

El Padrino said...

rick reilly article on womans tennis on wwl = rosie o'donnel nude

Jugdish said...

maybe the Aveo has a flux capacitor since mEEz travels back in time when he goes home: no interwebs, KKK

El Padrino said...

espn tryin to lose money apparentely

Meiz said...

It is also Bomani Jones' birthday today.

Keith S said...

"Ted Kennedy's death may mark the end of O:FB"

Hopefully it just means it's reached its apex, but will continue on for years

Keith S said...

"river trip here means renting a toob, getting a cooler of beer, and just floating down the river for about 6 hours"

We have one of those here. I used to do it, but haven't in a few years. It's disgusting how gross the water gets. Everyone pissing in it, throwing their garbage in the water. You could probably get bad aids by doing it

Keith S said...

"i can post some pics of the girls who are going with us...we don't usually take cameras with us on the river because chances are we will lose them...but we'll have some good pics from the weekend itself"


Disposable cameras, $8.99. Done & done

Keith S said...

"im gonna take them off soon too"

Wait until tomorrow so I can see them

Jugdish said...

pretty decent Caliendo on mike and mike (and asillyass) this morning

Keith S said...

"I figure spiff either has this huge LOV database where he cross checks every post and comment to make sure nothing like it has ever been on LOV, or else he has a Rain Man memory."

We've had the Maestro's conversation more than once here

El Padrino said...

tem bucs making other teams pick their qb, jeaz-a-loo

"As I reported last night, the Buccaneers are shopping all three of their quarterbacks not named Josh Freeman. After talking again to some people who have been in contact with the Bucs, the focus is on veterans Byron Leftwich and Luke McCown, who have been competing for the starting job."

Keith S said...

"i wish i was will hunting smart, that would be suite"


This weekend when that waitress wrote down her phone number on a napkin and gave it to me to give to my buddy, I saw him in the front seat of the cab and walked up to it and axed if he liked apples as I held the napkin up to the winder

ns

blue said...

sure it was to give to your buddy

blue said...

keith's not even married a year and he's trying to keith sanchez other chicks

Keith S said...

I just said that in case cmk is reading this


(s)

Jugdish said...

keith's not even married a year and he's trying to keith sanchez other chicks


this will lead to a keefvorce if you're not careful

El Padrino said...

keef got the number in case anything happened to cmk

Jugdish said...

old school

Keith S said...

I don't have the number now

Jugdish said...

was it a 900 number?

Keith S said...

Went to the dentist this morning. No cavities. Woe ETEO

Keith S said...

"was it a 900 number?"

555-something

Keith S said...

block

Keith S said...

bold

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino