Tuesday, July 14, 2009

DNJ6 DTR

LICENSE PLATE TIME

DNJ6 DTR, that's the latest license plate for all you Jr. Encyclopedia Browns to decode. I've got nothing. Nothing at all. So have at it.


SHAMFORD TIME

Does Shamford still write a blog? I hope not. In any case this part of the post is going to be a Shamford style recap of the prior night's events:

Nelson Cruz wins the Home Run Derby. He beat Poo-holes in the final. Poo-holes had a chance to tie at the end but one of the little kids in the outfield robbed him of a HR. Damn little bastard brought the ball back into the park. Word is Cruz gave him $10,000.

Ravens receiver Mark Clayton is going to retire. After about 35 seasons with the Dolphins and Ravens it is about time. I still don't know how he never broke any receiving records. He had over 1,000 yards last year, so that was the greatest.season.evar. by a 62yr old.

At the British Open Tiger is paired with young golfing phenom Michelle Wie. This is a historical pairing on many levels. I don't think our generation will comprehend it for many moons.

Halladay is going to start the All Star game, but the American League is looking to trade him to the National league before the start of the game. That means he can't pitch for the American League. I wonder who National League manager Joe Torre, coaching his first NL all star team, is going to send to the mound now??? Toughest.decision.ever.

Things Tem Thinks, clearly a rip off of MMQB

Tem thinks UFC >>>>> boxing. But boxing is still cool.

Tem thinks calling Prince Fielder the Prince of Pop makes it sound like he is going to be an alleged child molester in a few years....and if the King of Pop is dead, why didn't Prince get promoted?

Tem is not sure why people are asking this Supreme Court appointee about her Hike School days. That was like 50 years ago. Ask her about some shit from the last 2 decades please.

Tem thinks that NBA summer league started, but isn't positive. You all better check that out for yourselves.

Tem thinks that old asian ladies in minivans should be illegal. Nothing is worse at driving than an old asian lady driving a minivan.

Tem thinks he has no clue how Nicole Kidman and Tom Cruise's kid played Will Smith's character as a young boy in Seven Pounds. Mind bottling.

Tem Movie Review

The Ugly Truth

Warning Chick Flick:

This movie is about a group of chicks who think they are hotter than they really are. At the beginning of the movie they keep trying to date over their heads and they are mean to all the normal looking people who hit on them. Then finally one of them hits on some supermodel looking dude and he laughs them off and tells them "The Ugly Truth." Yep, he tells them that they are ugly and their world spins out of control. Much Drama ensues.

The chicks have no clue how to handle not being hot. For years they thought they were, but now that they know the truth they are heartbroken. They start dating comic book guy from the Simpsons and the whole cast of Big Bang Theory, but they still aren't happy. One by one they kill themselves off until just one ugly chick is left. Then some dude starts dating the ugly chick and builds her confidence up. Once her confidence is built up she dumps him and goes back to trying to date over her head again.

This is the most realistic movie ever.

2 helmet stickers out of 5. Both stickers for being so realistic.

669 comments:

1 – 200 of 669   Newer›   Newest»
El Padrino said...

"Halladay is going to start the All Star game, but the American League is looking to trade him to the National league before the start of the game"

hilarious

Beth said...

Love the movie review. I'd go see that movie, I hate bitches that think they're so hot when they're not.

Beth said...

Hmmmm, I'm trying to think of who would star in that movie...

El Padrino said...

sounds like Mean Girls

El Padrino said...

tem wft do you eat if you dont eat carbs?

blue said...

non-carbs

blue said...

it's called salad EP...you should try it

Beth said...

"tem wft do you eat if you dont eat carbs?"

Meat, lots of meat. (TWSS) And fruits and veggies I think too.

El Padrino said...

fruits are carbs

tem said...

"tem wft do you eat if you dont eat carbs?"


salads
grilled chicken
steaks
lettuce wraps with ham in them
salads
celery


basically i eat very little for 2 weeks and lose the weight.

tem said...

i don't think fruits are allowed.

although the "rules" say like carbs from nuts are OK, so maybe they are allowed.

i'll check with exfemtem. she knows the rules. it's basically south beach phase I rules.

El Padrino said...

sounds like hell

El Padrino said...

"salads"

like just lettuce and a protein i imagine with lil to no dressing

blue said...

american idol auditions today.

i should have gone...although i think i'm too old now

blue said...

basically the food is so crappy that you don't want to eat much/any of it, so you lose wait.

Beth said...

It'd be tough to top H's AI blog.

tem said...

"sounds like hell"

it is.

you put chicken or tuna or something on the salad.

tem never eats dressing.

El Padrino said...

ugh

i'll make my own diet again

blue said...

"It'd be tough to top H's AI blog."

no doubt.

difference is it isn't raining here, so women are wearing less clothesing

tem said...

tem diet is proven to work, but you can try your own.

tem said...

take your daughter and say she is auditioning.

blue said...

yes, she's going to be singing "row row row your boat"

El Padrino said...

twinkle twinkle little star

blue said...

that's another good one

tem said...

your daughter is a star.

El Padrino said...

jet lands with hole in plane

Meiz said...

I got up at 7:47, took a crap, got back in my room, it was only 7:55 so I turned the alarm back on, and snooze buttoned it until 8:27. That's how I roll.

Jugdish said...

I don't Eric Asillyass, but he is always filling in for these sports talk shows

El Padrino said...

giant fan gets ass whupped by giant linebacker then runs to philly and becomes philly fan

tem said...

"jet lands with hole in plane"

bert favre threw a football through the plane as part of his tests for the vikings.

blue said...

sillyass is "the sub"

JFreak said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Jugdish said...

chick on the radio said Mason retiring was an atomic bomb for the ravens

blue said...

"bert favre threw a football through the plane as part of his tests for the vikings."'


I fail to see the humor in these plane jokes

/ep

Jugdish said...

Do you mean Eric Kuselias?


of course

El Padrino said...

just read a cardinals piece on wsj, aint bad, but i feel dirty

El Padrino said...

mason had a solid career, good ballplayer

Jugdish said...

i agree, I just thought atomic bomb was a little too much

tem said...

i fail to see the humor in atomic bomb jokes.


/resident of hiroshima

Jugdish said...

hilarity

tem said...

i guess i can cut mason from my fantasy team now.

JFreak said...

Someone not named Beth tell me who Mark Cavendish is.

Jugdish said...

they said he might change his mind over the next two weeks, which would be like an atomic bomb for your fantasy team

Jugdish said...

some dude on the tour de france who may or may not be favored to win today

JFreak said...

You lose, jug.

Jugdish said...

You lose, jug.


oh well

blue said...

he's a boom mic holder for real sex.

tem said...

"Someone not named Beth tell me who Mark Cavendish is."

no clue

tem said...

i still fail to see the humor in atomic bomb jokes.


/resident of hiroshima

Meiz said...

Who cares?

JFreak said...

He isn't here.

El Padrino said...

he's a cyclist, jug is right

Meiz said...

When's Marty V's next guest appearance?

Jugdish said...

and he models socks

JFreak said...

Jug wasn't specific enough so he lost.

El Padrino said...

If the rich could hire other people to die for them, the poor could make a wonderful living.

Jugdish said...

you just asked who he was...not for specifics

JFreak said...

Not my fault you didn't read the rules.

Jugdish said...

not my fault there wasn't any rules


apology accepted

El Padrino said...

dog joke for keef

The black Lab then turns to the yellow lab and asks, "Why are you here at the vet?"

The yellow lab says, "I'm a digger. I dig under fences, dig up flowers and shrubs. I dig just for the hell of it. When I'm inside, I dig up the carpets. But I went over the line last night when I dug a great big hole in my owners couch."

"So what are they going to do to you?" the black Lab inquires.

"Looks like I'm losing my nuts, the dejected yellow Lab says.

The yellow Lab then turns to the black Lab and asks, "Why are you here?"

"I'm a humper," the black Lab says. "I'll hump anything. I'll hump the cat, a pillow, the table, whatever. I have to hump everything I see. Yesterday, my owner had just got out of the shower and was bending down to dry her toes. I just couldn't help myself. I hopped on her back and started hammering away."

The yellow and chocolate Labs exchange a sad glance and says, "So, nuts off for you too, huh?"

The black Lab says ..."No, I'm here to get my nails clipped."

JFreak said...

Just because you couldn't see them doesn't mean they don't exist.

Jugdish said...

They must be presented to me in order for me to follow them...its science

Jugdish said...

Not my fault you didn't read the rules.



so it is your fault

JFreak said...

You're not a scientist, you can't say it's science.

JFreak said...

You have lost, jug. Accept your shame accordingly.

Jugdish said...

family of corey stringer is suing riddell saying they should have warned players that their product could lead to heat stroke. kod is probably on this case

1. also working out in the middle of summer could lead to heat stroke

2. working out in the summer and being close to 300 pounds could also lead to heat stroke

3. no one reads those warning anyways

Jugdish said...

You have lost, jug. Accept your shame accordingly.


we'll wait for the judges ruling

tem said...

i fail to see the humor in nuetering jokes.


/neutered animals around the world.

blue said...

it was a sex joke, not a dong joke

blue said...

i fail to see the humor in the fail to see the humor jokes


/guess?

blue said...

only reason EP read that dog joke...he mistakenly thought it said "dong" joke

JFreak said...

You shame waits for no man.

El Padrino said...

"Conman Bernard Madoff was moved to the U.S. Penitentiary in Atlanta, the same facility where Charles Ponzi was incarcerated, to begin serving his 150-year sentence."


IRONY

Jugdish said...

You shame waits for no man.

your face waits for all man

blue said...

i bet he doesn't make it to 150

El Padrino said...

tweeting bank hostages

JFreak said...

Well that doesn't make sense.

tem said...

walls don't make sense.

blue said...

i fail to see the humor in sense

Beth said...

"Someone not named Beth tell me who Mark Cavendish is."

I actually couldn't have answered this. I'm following the basics of the Tour this year but not in depth. I'm very disillusioned with all the doping that's been caught - I have no faith that anyone is clean anymore.

But the Armstrong-Contador storyline is still interesting.

blue said...

it's mesmerizing

Beth said...

"it's mesmerizing"

Glad you agree.

blue said...

sounds like Blake Griffin can ball a little.

no surprise in summer league

JFreak said...

Bad Beth

Beth said...

She's what you call a newbie.

El Padrino said...

espn has a new ombudsman

blue said...

i shoulda applied for that dealio

Jugdish said...

then you could have fired the sports guy if you worked at espn

blue said...

i could have submitted some of my work from PtP

isiah thompson said...

Diane Jaysix Doctor

Jugdish said...

i could have submitted some of my work from PtP


that would be suite if you were interviewing 2 years ago

did you fire yourself from ptp?

blue said...

as ombudsman of PtP, i fielded a lot of complaints which in turn ended with me having to shut down the blog altogether.

there was fierce acrimony from fans and management alike, but in the end, it if what it if.

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"giant fan gets ass whupped by giant linebacker then runs to philly and becomes philly fan"

Patton Oswalt is awful

Jugdish said...

you may have inspired ep to start his own ptd website



s

Meiz said...

Goddman power was out

blue said...

pac ten dong?

blue said...

prince took it all

Meiz said...

"Patton Oswalt is awful"


Speechless

Manny, Being, Manny said...

mize

Manny, Being, Manny said...

I can see why EP likes Patton

Meiz said...

"edit: Should have specified, this is for DSL (as far as I know)"


No DSL options for me. I can only get the USB thing or dialup. Woe.

Aitch said...

I saw a Chrysler this morning that made me chuckle. Owner put a Ferrari emblem on each side. What a douche

blue said...

Patton Oswalt was a guest judge on Iron Chef America....with Keyshawn....both were morons, but at least Patton knew he was a moron.

Manny, Being, Manny said...

PO is a Star Wars geek. That's why mize likes him

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"No DSL options for me. I can only get the USB thing or dialup. Woe."

OIC

Manny, Being, Manny said...

Suite

Meiz said...

"PO is a Star Wars geek. That's why mize likes him"

It certainly doesn't hurt

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"Someone not named Beth tell me who Mark Cavendish is."

He's the guy that ended my ESPN streak

isiah thompson said...

Patton Oswalt


::hot sauce::

Manny, Being, Manny said...

64 players left, Phil Ivey is 3rd in chips

Jugdish said...

pac ten dong?

correct

blue said...

"Suite"

i'm using that story the next time i come home all drunk?

"really, i wasn't out drinking, some guys jumped me and force fed me beers"

isiah thompson said...

Any other pros still alive?

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"Any other pros still alive?"

Antonio Esfandiari, that magician guy

tem said...

a new omnibus?

Meiz said...

"::hot sauce::"


gtfo

blue said...

hate to tell you this meez...but patton oswalt isn't really "mainstream"

Manny, Being, Manny said...

Not everyone is a fan of star wars midgets, mize

blue said...

he's no dane cook

Manny, Being, Manny said...

is dane cook dead yet

Meiz said...

"hate to tell you this meez...but patton oswalt isn't really "mainstream""


define mainstream

tem said...

tem has heard of patton oswalt.

thus everyone here should have.

tem said...

he was in Blade 3.

Meiz said...

"he was in Blade 3."

What an awful movie

blue said...

mainstream would be somebody who when you saw him you'd say "hey, that's patton oswalt"....not "hey, that's the guy who was on that one show with a hot chick"

El Padrino said...

"Pujols, who has three children with his wife, Deidre, and another baby on the way, goes to great lengths to maintain his untarnished image and uphold his deep religious beliefs. He doesn’t drink or smoke. He doesn’t have a tattoo or wear earrings. He doesn’t go to bars, nightclubs or any place where his character could be assaulted. “If we’re in a hotel and a woman gets on the elevator by herself, I’ll wait for the next one,” Pujols says. “People have their agenda. You have to be careful who you can trust."


stop it poo holes, we dont speak domincan

Jugdish said...

poo holes is smat

El Padrino said...

whoever doesnt "drink" is not fucking sane, i would not trust you if you DIDNT drink

isiah thompson said...

has the Martellus Bennet "black olympics" thing get posted?

Jugdish said...

its not what i choose.

maybe he drank when he was single...i have no problems with that

isiah thompson said...

"Pujols, who has three children with his wife, Deidre, and another baby on the way, goes to great lengths to maintain his untarnished image and uphold his deep religious beliefs. He doesn’t drink or smoke. He doesn’t have a tattoo or wear earrings. He doesn’t go to bars, nightclubs or any place where his character could be assaulted. “If we’re in a hotel and a woman gets on the elevator by herself, I’ll wait for the next one,” Pujols says. “People have their agenda. You have to be careful who you can trust."

people with credentials like this are usually the most corrupt d-bags behind closed doors.

blue said...

what about swearing?

blue said...

he's holier then now...because he shoots roids up his ass every 2 weeks

isiah thompson said...

"gtfo"

I googled the guy and his image is still ::hot sauce::.

what's he done?

blue said...

really, won't ride an elevator with a chick alone....because if you wanted to go up to her room, the only way would be to ride in the same elevator?

blue said...

"I googled the guy and his image is still ::hot sauce::."

meiz, that's the definition of "not mainstream"

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"mainstream would be somebody who when you saw him you'd say "hey, that's patton oswalt"....not "hey, that's the guy who was on that one show with a hot chick""

Eggzactly. I recognize his face but I always have to look up his name.

blue said...

poo holios kid wiping him off with a towel yesterday was some funny shit.

same with prince's kid's hair

fucking sideshow bob

Jugdish said...

because if you wanted to go up to her room, the only way would be to ride in the same elevator?


some money grubbing whore could say he grabbed her ass in the elevator and sue...its smat to avoid that.

isiah thompson said...

some money grubbing whore could say he grabbed her ass in the elevator and sue...its smat to avoid that.


but if you've got a holier then now* aura about you and someone accuses you of something like that, wouldn't people be inclined to say "she's a dime store hooka*"

he's being paranoid because he probably has his kids in cages when he gets home.

Jugdish said...

but if you've got a holier then now* aura about you and someone accuses you of something like that, wouldn't people be inclined to say "she's a dime store hooka*"



doubtful...guilty until proven innocent in this country, especially the way its played out in the media

Jugdish said...

HPD just shot a naked guy waving a weapon

tem said...

what was the weapon?

isiah thompson said...

what was the weapon?

his dong

/ep

Jugdish said...

not sure...my interwebs is not working well this morn and site won't open

blue said...

so you think that there are just chicks hanging out in elevators waiting to find some dude to accuse

trust me, the hotels that the ballplayers stay at, don't typically have trashy women in them unless they're there to see another player

Jugdish said...

trust me


that is what the dailystache ceo told ep when he said he was going to make some bucks writing for the stache

isiah thompson said...

doesn't his stance/attitude on that basically fly in the face of his jeebus roots?

he sees the worst in everyone?
he thinks everyone has bad intentions?
he thinks he's better than everyone?

tem said...

he is better than everyone.

WWL said so.

tem said...

everyone is out to get Poo Holes.

this is common knowledge.


more common than knowing who Patton Oswalt is.

Jugdish said...

he sees the worst in everyone?
he thinks everyone has bad intentions?
he thinks he's better than everyone?


i understand what you're saying...but keeping himself out of harms way doesn't necessarily means he sees the worst in everyone. there are people out there looking to take advantage, so he just stays away from those situations...less for him to worry about

tem said...

he just needs to worry about hitting the ball.

tem said...

and fielding it.

tem said...

and masking the roids.

Jugdish said...

that's what he does...apparently pretty well too

tem said...

WWL says he is the bestest.

Jugdish said...

they've been saying it all day on the radio, asillyass won't shut up about it.

they are also saying St. Louis is the bestest baseball city with the smatest fans

isiah thompson said...

I'd like to see Kusilias get another full-time gig on the radio.

since he's been off the air he's changed his schtick a little bit and been doing things he's not good at (nascar and some fantasy stuff).

I still think he's one of the better talking radio heads though, but I like most talk radio peoples.

Spaceman Spiff said...

"64 players left, Phil Ivey is 3rd in chips"

choke if he doesnt make top 2, then major choke if he goes top 2 and loses

El Padrino said...

spiff just got back from mickey d's

wolf's order:

Quarter Pounder wif cheese meal #3
Two cheeseburgers
20 piece nugget

isiah thompson said...

what did he wash it down with?

isiah thompson said...

like Jug, Kusilias is in mensa (ns)

geenus* doesn't like geenus

Spaceman Spiff said...

i know who PO is, never knew his name.

zeke, he was on king of queens

El Padrino said...

"what did he wash it down with?"

Coke

El Padrino said...

and a smile

El Padrino said...

PO has a good standup routine, i think did 4 or 5 specials on cc

isiah thompson said...

nerve* watched KoQ

El Padrino said...

great show

ns

El Padrino said...

like reruns on tbs and shit
nerve watched it when it was on network sked

El Padrino said...

but i have a serious serious crush on leah rimini moreso back in the day

today she is scientologist

tem said...

you'd still fuck her.

El Padrino said...

of course

El Padrino said...

but my standards are really low
in face we saw a fat disgusting black woman the other day on the train and wolf just turns to me and is like how much

i was like 500K done and done

i'm a slob

El Padrino said...

i'm goin to say something earth shattering that might change your views of me but i've never ate a Big Mac

*preparing to be stoned*

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"great show

ns"

Shocking

El Padrino said...

just dont like that type of burger

sorry

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"but i have a serious serious crush on leah rimini moreso back in the day"

Yes. She is one hot piece of ace

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"i'm goin to say something earth shattering that might change your views of me but i've never ate a Big Mac"

So you and mize are bolth pecos. Got it.

El Padrino said...

"Shocking"

kevin james makes me laugh in that sitcom

sue me

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"choke if he doesnt make top 2, then major choke if he goes top 2 and loses"

That Dennis Phillips dude from last year is still alive, too. Back-2-back final tables would be suite.

El Padrino said...

"So you and mize are bolth pecos. Got it."

i'm not kidding, ask my wife on face book

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"kevin james makes me laugh in that sitcom

sue me"


No, I just meant the part about you liking a show from NYC metro area

isiah thompson said...

leah rimini moreso

she's put some pounds on recently, no?

tem said...

i'm not sure i can trust anyone who have NEVER eaten a big mac

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"i'm not kidding, ask my wife on face book"

Suite, permission to be friends with cmep

Meiz said...

"zeke, he was on king of queens"


And Reno 911

And The Comedians of Comedy

And some other stuff

I think he's really funny

Manny, Being, Manny said...

"she's put some pounds on recently, no?"

When she had a kid

tem said...

"i'm not kidding, ask my wife on face book"

we have permission to friend his wife and talk to her now?

tem said...

also fucking someone and getting paid to fuck someone are totally different things.

i am not sure there is anything on earth i wouldn't fuck for money.

for some things it would have to be a lot of money.

Manny, Being, Manny said...

Hi cmep, you don't know me, but I rank on your husband on a blog. Condolences for him being addicted to dong

isiah thompson said...

just dont like that type of burger

double?
bun in the middle?
sauce/veggies?

El Padrino said...

"i'm not sure i can trust anyone who have NEVER eaten a big mac"

this hurt

Manny, Being, Manny said...

EP only likes 5 guys.

tem said...

he likes burgers of the footlong variety.

Manny, Being, Manny said...

and their burgers

El Padrino said...

"Hi cmep, you don't know me, but I rank on your husband on a blog. Condolences for him being addicted to dong"

on 2nd thought don't

Manny, Being, Manny said...

footlong burger would be hdh

isiah thompson said...

"zeke, he was on king of queens"


And Reno 911

And The Comedians of Comedy

And some other stuff

I think he's really funny


::hot sauce:: on all that

tem said...

fine i'll toss an S on it.

isiah thompson said...

block

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Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino