Wednesday, June 03, 2009

Where Amazing Happens™.

I'm talking about the NBA Finals, not this place. This place is where the opposite of amazing happens. D- baby, that's how we do.

So, the Finals. Orlando and L.A. is not the match up David Stern wanted, but it's the one he's got. I personally think that this is a much tougher match-up for the Lakers than Cleveland would have been. The Cavs, as it was shown in the Eastern Conference Finals, have LeBron and that's about it. Orlando has a monster down low and shooters everywhere. Ok, let's break this series down; here are the Axe Bodyspray Keys to the Series:

Mamba vs. Mickael Pietrus. First off, I'm really glad Pietrus is getting some pub. He's a great player. They don't have 5 tool players in basketball, but he's damn near close to an NBA 5 tool player. I picked him up in FNBA a couple of years ago when he was on Golden State and it was a little frustrating because Nelly was sitting him on the bench for some stupid reason. I thought he was going to be a sleeper this year, but he was hurt a lot. Orlando has got to be thankful he is healthy for the playoffs because he knocks down his shots and he's their only one-on-one wing defender. He did a great job on LeBron, but LeBron still managed to average 38 in the last series and I think Kobe gets his in this series. Pietrus doesn't play the entire game, in fact he's playing behind Courtney Lee, who may start, but I think Pietrus gets more minutes because Mamba is going to work the rookie. Mamba could also render his defender useless if he becomes the facilitator that carried the Lakers in their last two wins. Advantage: Lakers.

Skip-To-My-Lou vs. Derek Fisher. I would love to see these two in a cage on a UFC Pay-Per-View. Or a WWE Hardcore Match. Who is going to start the bench clearing brawl between these two, and is Rafer Alston gonna stash a shank in his shoe and start stabbing fools? Also, Fisher is like 97 years old and a liability on defense. Oh, and Jameer Nelson might be ready for this series. I doubt he can play 20-30 minutes, so Skip is still the starter and will play the bulk of the minutes, but if Jameer can give them 8-10 and destroy Fisher in the process, that's a plus for the Magic. Advantage: Magic, unless Alston shanks someone and gets suspended.

Phil vs. SVG. Zen Master vs. The Master of Panic. Both teams have shown they can blow big leads in the playoffs. Orlando also managed to beat the Lakers twice during the season. I was at the L.A. game, and what happened there looks like it could happen in the playoffs. Lakers got a big lead and then the Magic came roaring back and beat them. The problem is, the Magic live and die by the jump shot. So far they've been living rather well. If it starts to go south, it could get ugly. One thing Phil needs to do is figure out how to get the Lakers to play defense for 48 minutes a game. This is going to be a game of insane runs and whoever makes the right adjustments will win. I'm leaning towards Phil, but it's closer than you think.Advantage: Lakers, but it's close.


Dwight Howard vs. Andrew Bynum/Pau Gasol.
This where if you're a Lakers fan, you're scared to deaf*. If Dwight averages 30/15, forget about it, they're done. And from watching the last couple of Magic games, I just don't know how you stop this young man. When they won in L.A. during the regular season, the Magic played inside-out to perfection. The Lakers have a problem defending that kind of scheme. They (especially Kobe) overplay on the wings and then they over-rotate and either can't guard the shooter, or they can't box out and it leads to easy scores. In the game I saw, Joe Smith had like three follow-up dunks. Joe Smith was killing them. Joe. Smiff. They need to get a defensive scheme STAT. Howard could have a huge series. Pow! Gasol could put up 20/10, but it's Bynum who really needs to show up in this series. I still think Howard cannot be contained by anything the Lakers throw at him. Advantage: Magic.

Hedo Turkoglu/Rashard Lewis vs. Trevor Ariza/Lamar Odom. Again, this comes down to shooting, and Turkoglu has been known to disappear in games, but the Magic duo are just too good. They hit insane, clutch shots. And you've got to start wondering which Lamar Odom is going to show up (more on that later). Ariza is a great defender, but he doesn't give you that much on the offensive end. I gotta go with the Magic here. Advantage: Magic.

Lamar Odom vs. Lamar Odom. Which Lamar is going to show up? When he's on his game, he's unstoppable and there is not another player like him in the entire league; he can cover four positions and do whatever he wants on offense at any time. When he's off or just average, it's brutal. You gotta think that the good Lamar Odom is going to show up here. If he can't get motivated for the Finals, then I don't know what's going to motivate the dude. If he doesn't play to the best of his ability, it's going to be a tough series for the Lakers. I think he shows up. Advantage Lakers.

Lakers Bench vs. Magic Bench. Once again, this comes back to how Lamar Odom plays, but you look at that Magic bench, and there's not a whole lot to like there. Minus 500 points for a Dukie on the bench. Marcin Gortat has developed a bit and has been producing, but I think the Lakers bench can handle him. This is where Sasha Vujacic needs to step up and make a shot every once-in-awhile. Dude has been TERRIBLE so far in the postseason. The Lakers bench is superior, but the Magic starters are going to get a lot of minutes, and they are better than anything the Lakers have on their bench behind Odom, so even though they're a clear-cut winner in this category, the Lakers bench needs to step it up. Advantage: Lakers.

The Lakersgirls vs. The Magic Dancers. The Magic Dancers look way sluttier (like WAY sluttier), but c'mon now, we're talking about The Lakergirls here. Advantage: Lakers.

Final Analysis:
I want to call it Lakers in six, but this could easily go seven. The finals schedule (2-3-2) works in the Lakers favor, but they need to win those two games in L.A., get one out of three in Orlando, and then close it out. I think this is a close series, which is scary because the Magic are so young. They can be the Beast in the East for years to come if they can hold this team together. I thought it was a year too early for them and had them exiting in the Eastern Conference Finals, so I think they're overachieving a little and they really rely on their jumpshooters way too much. But if Howard has a monster series and their shots fall, I think they have more than a shot to win. I still think it's the Lakers series to lose. Lakers in six (maybe seven).

673 comments:

1 – 200 of 673   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Freak said in LovAD:

"More Cubs fans than Braves fans in Atlanta tonight.
Defend your town, Beth."

Dammit, with all those Cub fans at Turner Field I'm sure the Cubs did very well last night, especially in the later innings.

I didn't hear much about the game other than the Cubs were up 5-0 going into the 8th and were up by 2 still in the bottom of the ninth with 2 out and slumping Franceour up. Must've been a solid win for the Cubs I'm sure, right?

Jugdish said...

minute maid park turns into Little Wrigley when the Cubs come to town.

Suite finals review

Jugdish said...

Must've been a solid win for the Cubs I'm sure, right?


just saw the scores frm last night on the ticker.

ISWYDT

Beth said...

Yeah, that was fun.

Jugdish said...

15 - love Beth...freak's serve

H said...

American Idol auditions next weekend at Gillette Stadium...

Jugdish said...

American Idol auditions next weekend at Gillette Stadium...



do it!

H said...

I'm having second thoughts...

Jugdish said...

why is that?

H said...

I'm not all that great... Don't know if I want to set myself up for that rejection.

H said...

And yes I realize that posting my insecurities here is setting myself up for ridicule. Haha

Beth said...

"I'm having second thoughts..."

If you don't do it you're going to be asking yourself what might have been for the rest of your life.

Jugdish said...

posting anything here is setting yourself up for ridicule.

you should do it though, at least for the experience. You know you won't be the worst one there.

H said...

If I do it, I'm going to keep a running diary I think. That could make for an interesting read...

Beth said...

"If I do it, I'm going to keep a running diary I think. That could make for an interesting read..."

Definitely. And don't forget to take pics. After last season there could be tons of girls in bikinis in line with you.

Jugdish said...

If I do it, I'm going to keep a running diary I think.


no brainer

Steve said...

"Definitely. And don't forget to take pics. After last season there could be tons of girls in bikinis in line with you."


Fantastic Point!

blue said...

i don't want to see any bahston bikini girs

blue said...

ok, that was a lie

Beth said...

Boston bikini girls would give a whole different meaning to O:FB

kodiac said...

American Idol auditions next weekend at Gillette Stadium...

NFW they are holding auditions already; freaking show just wrapped 3 weeks ago

kodiac said...

15 - love Beth...freak's serve

why are they alternating serves in the middle of a game?

El Padrino said...

"I'm not all that great... Don't know if I want to set myself up for that rejection."

take some of my confidence with you

El Padrino said...

T, this was by far the best Finals preview I read anywhere on the net

FANTASTIC JOB

kodiac said...

1st comment hilarity this morning

ILWYDT

El Padrino said...

i guess rodney harrison retired

did i miss this?

El Padrino said...

let's see how the media darling handles this

blue said...

i'm a media darling and i handle that just fine

blue said...

thanks though

El Padrino said...

5 years vacation?, yes please

tem said...

el pad hating america already today.

tem said...

I don't know what T was thinking writing a good NBA preview.

This is D- land. Don't raise the bar.

El Padrino said...

"Dammit, with all those Cub fans at Turner Field I'm sure the Cubs did very well last night, especially in the later innings."


burn

tem said...

no retarded up calls from last night.

1 bit of hilarity.


5'8" 335lb guy on the other team was playing outfield and dove for a ball.

he landed on his shoulder and dislocated it. looked painful as all hell.

and to make matters worse he missed the catch and the ball hit the ground and bounced up and drilled him in the face.

tem said...

up=ump

Steve said...

take some of my overcompensating with you


*fixed

Beth said...

Good fix.

El Padrino said...

"he landed on his shoulder and dislocated it. looked painful as all hell."

dislocated shoulder is the worse

El Padrino said...

"take some of my overcompensating with you


*fixed"

i dont drive a corvette

El Padrino said...

a new outlet is reporting that the Air France plane received a bomb threat 3 days before that crash

tem said...

new outlets can't be trusted

Beth said...

"new outlets can't be trusted"

Hilarity.

El Padrino said...

Stripper permantely injures man

I've been to this strip club.

NS

blue said...

how do you threaten a particular plane?

El Padrino said...

jug what happened here

El Padrino said...

link

"how do you threaten a particular plane?"

dunno, looks fake

Jugdish said...

Michael Ireland has filed suit against the club, alleging dancer Sakeena Shageer kicked him 'without warning.'


I guess a warning would have been nice. "Thanks for the slap in the ass, now hold still because I'm going to kick you upside the head."

Jugdish said...

jug what happened here


i was testing a missle system in my backyard and one got away. keep that on the low down.

blue said...

cmblue heard that there was a problem with the cabin pressure or something.

that doesn't make sense either and i haven't heard that anywhere else.

i'm thinking she made that up.

El Padrino said...

rodney harrison retires

blue said...

maybe that club should have a warning sign "beware, slapping strippers on the ass may result in a kick in the face"

El Padrino said...

goddam benign growths

El Padrino said...

josh hamilton is a fraggle

Beth said...

re: bomb threat


ABC News is now reporting the same thing.

Jugdish said...

slapping strippers on the ass may result in a kick in the face"



plus the article said she was 5'1...not like she was kicking ep in the face


wadr

blue said...

abc news is just copying that other story

tem said...

"cmblue heard that there was a problem with the cabin pressure or something."

yeah when the plane blew up it lost cabin pressure.

Beth said...

Maybe cmblue is a scientist.

blue said...

i poked holes in the cabin pressure theory.

me: "why didn't the little yellow bags come down"

her: "i don't know"

me: "ok, liar"

Jugdish said...

George Carlin: "In case of sudden loss in cabin pressure...ROOF flies off!"


rip

El Padrino said...

nice work blue and jug

consecutive funnies

El Padrino said...

flights to atlanta are pretty cheap now

tem said...

"me: "why didn't the little yellow bags come down""


a new outlet is reporting that they did come down.

El Padrino said...

check that it was with a stop in charlotte

fuck that, no stopping

El Padrino said...

spirit airlines is ghetto

El Padrino said...

anyone take that other ghetto airline called Air Tran?

El Padrino said...

sounds like a crash waiting to happen

Steve said...

"flights to atlanta are pretty cheap now"


you might need to buy some pepper spray, beth.

El Padrino said...

beth can you pick me up at the airport

El Padrino said...

or should i say babe, can you pick me up from the airport?

El Padrino said...

i must have scared my little bunny rabbit

El Padrino said...

I'm like a big bear with claws and fangs, big fucking teeth and she's just like a little bunny cowering in the corner, shivering

you know, i got these claws and i'm staring at these claws and i'm thinking to myself how am i supposed to kill this bunny, and i'm poking at it, i ain't hurting it, just patting it around and this bunny is scared ya know

scared of me

Steve said...

Suicide Fail

Beth said...

"or should i say babe, can you pick me up from the airport?"

Sorry, Atlanta's full, you'll have to come back later.

El Padrino said...

"Sorry, Atlanta's full, you'll have to come back later."

full of trash, i'd sparkle that place with just one weekend

El Padrino said...

(not calling you trash, your a diamond in the rough)

Beth said...

"you might need to buy some pepper spray, beth"

Screw that, I'm getting a gun.

Jugdish said...

Sorry, Atlanta's full, you'll have to come back later.


IN YOU FACE!

El Padrino said...

"Sorry, Atlanta's full, you'll have to come back later."

this did sting a bit

El Padrino said...

wonder how the family of Dyer thinks britain should use waterboarding tactics

H said...

"Sorry, Atlanta's full, you'll have to come back later"

LOV, where hilarity happens.

Beth said...

"this did sting a bit"

Oops, forgot the WADR. There, now it should be fine.

BTW, Airtran is a good airline, I've flown it several times and will be again next month. They have wifi on all their plans now too, although there is a fee.

spaceman spiff said...

"If I do it, I'm going to keep a running diary I think. That could make for an interesting read..."

doubt H gets past the first of like 5 audition rounds. his running diary will be: 'long line, never made it in' or 'got in after 10 hours waiting , met the producers, they said i wasnt good or bad enough to continue with the process'

El Padrino said...

"BTW, Airtran is a good airline, I've flown it several times and will be again next month. They have wifi on all their plans now too, although there is a fee."

thanks, it's always the cheaper price too

Beth said...

Spiff bringing reality into the conversation...

Tyler said...

American Idol auditions next weekend at Gillette Stadium...

DO IT.

Meiz said...

Where's Jameer in the Finals preview?

El Padrino said...

articles will be popping up about the relatively unknown foursome from The Hangover much like 40 year old virgin couple of years back

Beth said...

One other thing about airtran, always check on the price for their "business class". Occasionally it's only $40 more than their regular ticket.

spaceman spiff said...

kobe will either try to light it up to seal the finals mvp then facilitate to end the series, or he'll facilitate to get some wins, then try to light it up for the mvp. he doesnt want anyone else to get that even if it costs them the series

El Padrino said...

"Oh, and Jameer Nelson might be ready for this series. I doubt he can play 20-30 minutes, so Skip is still the starter and will play the bulk of the minutes, but if Jameer can give them 8-10 and destroy Fisher in the process, that's a plus for the Magic. Advantage: Magic, unless Alston shanks someone and gets suspended."


meiz you need a temreader

spaceman spiff said...

see: 2004 finals

El Padrino said...

upgrade for $40 is key

tem said...

" They have wifi on all their plans now too, although there is a fee."


welcome to the HDH society beth.

Meiz said...

"meiz you need a temreader"


Jameer needed to be in bold. I saw Skip, and skipped it.

blue said...

"kobe will either try to light it up to seal the finals mvp then facilitate to end the series, or he'll facilitate to get some wins, then try to light it up for the mvp. he doesnt want anyone else to get that even if it costs them the series"

he'll use the Denver series as his model...facilitate early in games, and then take over in the 2nd half when he smells menstruation

Beth said...

"welcome to the HDH society beth"

Actually I meant to say "plans" - they're PLANNING to put wifi on all their planes is what I was saying.

s

tem said...

dee white does not menstrate.

tem said...

he demon strates.

H said...

I hope I get on a plan* to Hollywood

blue said...

it was a grate preview by tyler...my only beef is his take on turkoglu...hedo shrunk in the playoffs when he was on those good Kings team...this hedo has cajones, and he's their virtual PG.

That's who Kobe will guard when the game is on the line, with Ariza probably guarding him most the rest of the game to keep Kobe out of fould trouble

tem said...

"Actually I meant to say "plans" - they're PLANNING to put wifi on all their planes is what I was saying."


I see.

I agree.

Circle gets the square.

Circle. Circle. Circle.
Circle. Circle. Circle.

blue said...

circle.circle.circle

Jugdish said...

this should help you prepare for idol h

Tyler said...

"he'll use the Denver series as his model...facilitate early in games, and then take over in the 2nd half when he smells menstruation"

Yes, I think they learned a lot from that series. Not just Kobe.

Beth said...

"circle.circle.circle"

Yesterday I had no idea what this meant. Then last night I watched Conan on Tivo and finally it made sense.

As has been said by others on here, GREAT 1st show for him too.

Tyler said...

RE: Turkoglu

I mentioned that he can disappear, I just think that the Lakers will be occupied by guarding Howard and Lewis and he could have a good series. He doesn't have to score a lot to be effective either. In their last game against each other, he had 14 points, 5 rebounds and 7 assists. So he's the Magic's version of Lamar Odom. Which Turkoglu is going to show up?

Meiz said...

Circle! Circle! Circle! Circle!

El Padrino said...

A man approaches a beautiful woman in a supermarket. “I’ve lost my girlfriend,” he tells her. “Can you stand here and talk to me for a few minutes?” “Sure, but I don’t understand how that would help,” she replies. “Well, every time I talk to a woman with tits like yours, my girlfriend appears out of nowhere.”

tem said...

i think Hedo shows up since he is on the team.

tem said...

Larry Turkoglu probably will not be at the game.

blue said...

I can't believe that Tyler left the X factor out of his preview.

JJ Redick

El Padrino said...

great article on north korea and china

blue said...

he'll piss kobe off with his dukiness, and taunt kobe into getting 2 t's and the one game suspension.

El Padrino said...

"I can't believe that Tyler left the X factor out of his preview.

JJ Redick"

dukie on bench?

El Padrino said...

am i the only one who read t's preview

jesus

cmon people

El Padrino said...

and Hedo is deadly, he'll have a 2-13 game (laker blowout) but he'll be solid in every other

blue said...

"dukie on bench?"

that was part (s)...redick actually gets some minutes, i was surprised

they can spread the floor with redick, lee, lewis and Hedo, and let d-ho do work

El Padrino said...

tem budget this

Meiz said...

A Coke and a doughnut. Great breakfast.

spaceman spiff said...

i read it, and i know he's missing the jj redick vs. adam morrison section

spaceman spiff said...

lakers need to prevent pizza delivery from getting to hedo, or poison the pizza

El Padrino said...

that's a good call

El Padrino said...

was it stromtrooper or zeke that was playing with thier own feces?

JFreak said...

Let's go Courtney Lee!

H said...

"met the producers, they said i wasnt good or bad enough to continue with the process"

My guitar player said something similar to me. He said they were looking for the heat or the godawful, and I'm neither. He said it wadr so I can't hurt him...

Jugdish said...

wear the rev smock and snake...that'll get you through

blue said...

he doesn't want you to try out, becuase he's going to try out and doesn't want you to compete against him

blue said...

don't listen to anyone H...did martin luther king listen when people told him his dream was dumb?

no, he went on and dreamed and made his speech...and now he's a hero

you could be the next martin luther king

Meiz said...

"don't listen to anyone H...did martin luther king listen when people told him his dream was dumb?

no, he went on and dreamed and made his speech...and now he's a hero

you could be the next martin luther king"


A) This is TOTPM

B) This will be my facebook status for a little while.

El Padrino said...

good stuff

Jugdish said...

imagine if randy johnson blew out his elbow going for his 300th win tonight?

JFreak said...

Aitch, you could pretend to be really bad then switch to normal when you get in front of the judges.

blue said...

didn't freak try out?

blue said...

or, you could pretend to be good, and then suck when you go in front of the judges...either/or

blue said...

you just need a good backstory...used to be a collector, now drive a cab because of the economy times are tough, used to have a roommate who walked around topless.

it's a sob story, human interest, people will be drawn to it

blue said...

don't forget to mention you got hit by a car

JFreak said...

"didn't freak try out?"

Thought about it. Didn't.

blue said...

one of the stormtroopers sil tried out i think

El Padrino said...

speaking of randy johnson, 188 hit batsmen

isiah thompson said...

great post T

spaceman spiff said...

elatrdo finals preview up

spaceman spiff said...

i need to stop reading eltardo's twitter, he repeats jokes

ToddPacker said...

i think i'm "un-blocked"

El Padrino said...

tp what up

May the Fourth be with me said...

"was it stromtrooper or zeke that was playing with thier own feces?"


El Padrino

May the Fourth be with me said...

"one of the stormtroopers sil tried out i think"

hsil tried out last year. Didn't make it past the 1st judge

May the Fourth be with me said...

"i think i'm "un-blocked""


Nope. Still blockt

ToddPacker said...

"tp what up"

johan can't lose to the pirates... bad two games in pitt so far

May the Fourth be with me said...

I went on a Mess tangent last night

JFreak said...

Yay TP.

Meiz said...

PACKER!!!!!!

May the Fourth be with me said...

Got to hang out with Dr. J this morning

May the Fourth be with me said...

We're still just gonna be "friends"

isiah thompson said...

Colorado has fired their baseball and hockey manager in the last week. The fired Shanny earlier this year. GK will be gone by the AS break next year.

suite

ToddPacker said...

wow... lov crib tours. i missed a lot

El Padrino said...

"johan can't lose to the pirates... bad two games in pitt so far"

have you seen the lineup?

and they have swine flu too

isiah thompson said...

elatrdo finals preview up

Celtics in 6

El Padrino said...

sg answers the "i picked Cavs to cruise to east finals question"

ToddPacker said...

"have you seen the lineup?

and they have swine flu too"

yeah, i know... still it's johan v. pirates

May the Fourth be with me said...

"and they have swine flu too"

One can only hope

isiah thompson said...

TP - you ol' motor boatin sumbitch!

isiah thompson said...

don't worry, I'm sure the Mess are saving their good stuff for the NLCS.

Jugdish said...

didn't freak try out?

now that they allow instruments he will

blue said...

pan flute?

Jugdish said...

skin

blue said...

"don't worry, I'm sure the Mess are saving their good stuff for the NLCS"

their best work is always done in September

El Padrino said...

"One can only hope"

a team official that flies with them has it, was quarantined

blue said...

chad ford already has his 3rd mock draft out

blue said...

fuck espn and their insider bullshit

May the Fourth be with me said...

"a team official that flies with them has it, was quarantined"


Suite. So I can market the movie I am gonna make as "based on a true story"

ToddPacker said...

i think i need to do some MS-paint work on my Mets logo and change it to Mess

May the Fourth be with me said...

Well yeah

ToddPacker said...

who is MTFBWM? keith?

El Padrino said...

"i think i need to do some MS-paint work on my Mets logo and change it to Mess"

tp your adding fuel to met haters fire

stop it, your not around to take the bullets

isiah thompson said...

stop it, your not around to take the bullets

TP is mad busy, yo

El Padrino said...

orlando wins, spiff one day name change

May the Fourth be with me said...

"who is MTFBWM? keith?"


Yes. You figured it out before EP. Nice work

El Padrino said...

"TP is mad busy, yo"

I hope he falls out of bed and breaks a hip. You leave me in the trenches here TP!

ToddPacker said...

"I hope he falls out of bed and breaks a hip. You leave me in the trenches here TP!"

sorry ep

May the Fourth be with me said...

It's good to see TP is doin' ok after FU lost the softball world series

Jugdish said...

good idea keef

May the Fourth be with me said...

El Jugdrinofast

Jugdish said...

damn

spaceman spiff said...

"orlando wins, spiff one day name change"

what if the lakers win

ToddPacker said...

"It's good to see TP is doin' ok after FU lost the softball world series"

tough loss

El Padrino said...

"what if the lakers win"

one day bet, i'm photoshopping a mexican leaping over the great wall of china for your pic

JFreak said...

"i think i need to do some MS-paint work on my Mets logo and change it to Mess"

Already done TP.

El Padrino said...

says the cub fan

blue said...

you won't like david when he's angry

JFreak said...

I already had it made up from when I won a bet with you.

Meiz said...

"i'm photoshopping a mexican leaping over the great wall of china for your pic"


No you're not. You're cutting and pasting in MS Paint.

May the Fourth be with me said...

NYC version of MS Paint is called Photoshop

ToddPacker said...

"Already done TP."

thanks, freak

blue said...

rockies are aweoms

blue said...

block

blue said...

block

blue said...

block

blue said...

cock

blue said...

older

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"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino