Monday, June 08, 2009

This is post 800

1, 2, 3, 4, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11, 12. Like the song.

Then there was 800. And this is it. I should end this here, but I won't. I'll write more. In the morning. Really though, I doubt I will do post 800 any justice. If I get post 1,000 it will be epic. Someone remind me of that.


Guess what? It is morning now. So far it is shaping up to be a so so morning. I slept well, so that was nice and I had some sort of pomegranate juice this morning. It has antioxidants in it, so now I won't rust. That's good. I need to find a sub for a softball game and my family is coming into town today. I guess every rose does has its thorn. Also none of my bosses are in the office right now. Which is cool because they can't ask me to do anything if they aren't here, but then again I guess I am in charge. That spells T-R-O-U-B-L-E, like the song.


Jerry Jones says he has "no plans" to bring Pac Man back. He had "no plans" to get rid of TO as well. I guess Pac Man will be back. Good for him. He deserves a fourteenth chance, or whatever he is up to.

Speaking of fourteenth chances let's talk about tem's cousin. He got jacked up on beer, weed and adderol (he is 21). Then he went back to his mom's house (he lives there) found her keys and stoled* the car. Crashed the car into a pole and a tree. Then outran the Cleveland police. In the process he lost his shoes. So the cops caught up with him after like 5 hours and he blew a .13 on the breathalyzer. But they can't prove he was drunk while he was driving, so no DUI for him. Theoretically he could have gotten hammered after outrunning Cleveland's finest. So he's going to get a slap on the wrist and check himself into some Betty Ford type clinic. We'll call him dcot. Dumb Cousin of Tem.

tem movie review:


Food, Inc.

This movie is clearly about Rev. But not so fast my friend, it isn't. It is really about El Pad. You see, El Pad starts up his own business (named Food, Inc. of course) and the purpose of said business is to educate the rest of the 299,999,999 people in the world about food. Basically you call into the Food, Inc. hotline and the phone person will tell you why what you are eating sucks. Unless you start the sentence with "I am in NYC" then they say what you are eating is good stuff. Hilarity ensues.

Of course that wouldn't make for much of a movie, so there needs to be some drama. So there is this other dude from Philly (aha! plot twist, it is about Rev too) who thinks he knows a thing or two about food. So Rev challenges El Pad to a "food off." No, I don't actually know what that would mean, but it doesn't matter. Hilarity ensues.

Rev and El Pad have lots of celebrity chefs cook for them and they eat the food and tell us what is wrong with it. Hilarity ensues.

Now of course any movie about El Pad has lots of nudity, so that is a huge plus. And if you add in the fact that hilarity ensued not once, not twice, but three times a lady, then you know this is a good movie. Think Beerfest meets Dodgeball meets Rachel Ray meets cinemax porn.

4.5 helmet stickers out of 5.

507 comments:

1 – 200 of 507   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Well done tem. All your movie reviews are good but this one was the best in quite awhile. Lots of hilarity in the review. I guess post 800 inspired you after all.

Jugdish said...

Agreed...nice movie review! Its always nice when the movie is based on a true story

El Padrino said...

awesome

El Padrino said...

just got here

mad late yo

tem said...

cuz you were busy el pad?

tem said...

by the by, 1 boss just sauntered in.

blue said...

that post was all hat and cattle

blue said...

why the half telmet sticker deduction?

tem said...

"why the half telmet sticker deduction?"

that was by rule.

El Padrino said...

"cuz you were busy el pad?"

no cuz i was sleeping

El Padrino said...

"why the half telmet sticker deduction?"

my dong

blue said...

carl crawford does not get traded

Beth said...

"why the half telmet sticker deduction?"

"my dong"

Are you intentionally inviting the "ep loves to talk about dong" jokes there EP?

Jugdish said...

ep is ranking on himself

El Padrino said...

"ep is ranking on himself"

why not everyone else does it

tem said...

"carl crawford does not get traded"

not even for poop?

blue said...

i never talk about your dong

blue said...

"not even for poop?"

not een

El Padrino said...

"Are you intentionally inviting the "ep loves to talk about dong" jokes there EP?"

no but if i made a movie and starred in said movie, you best believe i'm getting my dong on the big screen, such a national treasure should not be kept to myslef, maybe a hot sex scene with a former waitress turned legal secretary

El Padrino said...

"why not everyone else does it"

cue keef

"woe"

tem said...

what movie are you guys talking about?


/ep

tem said...

crawford should not be buried on the last place team, he should be on the 3rd to last place team.

Beth said...

"no but if i made a movie and starred in said movie, you best believe i'm getting my dong on the big screen, such a national treasure should not be kept to myslef, maybe a hot sex scene with a former waitress turned legal secretary"

Well I might have considered that, but if tem is taking off a 1/2 helmet sticker because of your dong it must not be that special...

El Padrino said...

"Well I might have considered that, but if tem is taking off a 1/2 helmet sticker because of your dong it must not be that special..."

tem hates dong, even his own

tem said...

by rule tem doesn't like looking at other dude's dongs.

blue said...

good rule


tem would hate sarah marshall movie

Steve said...

"i'm getting my dong on the big screen"


that's the only way anybody could see it.

tem said...

"tem would hate sarah marshall movie"

it was a decent enough movie. dong was cause for a whole helmet sticker deduction.

El Padrino said...

"that's the only way anybody could see it."

except your mama

Jamie Busted Me said...

Bust this, retard

blue said...

oh snap

blue said...

i've never said that out loud

it sounds kinda agay

Beth said...

It is kinda gay.

*fixed

Jamie Busted Me said...

It is super gay

**fized

Beth said...

That's a better fix than mine.

Jamie Busted Me said...

Why is the family coming to town, tem? Are your cousins getting married?

blue said...

but is it agay?

tem said...

"Why is the family coming to town, tem? Are your cousins getting married?"

they are staying at my place and then going to Kings Island

tem said...

the single cousins that are going are 8, 8, 6, 4.

The two 8yr olds are boy and girl, so maybe this is a "get to know you" kind of thing.

blue said...

arranged marriage

Meiz said...

I just fired off an 8 ball. Let's do this!

Beth said...

"The two 8yr olds are boy and girl"

Are they identical twins?

s

blue said...

good one Beth

tem said...

no they are identical cousins though.

you probable* nerve heard of that. only really found in WV.

Meiz said...

Tem, you traded Beltran for Haren?

blue said...

tem got Haren.

that's a steal

tem said...

i just pressed some buttons.

blue said...

tulo hit a HR last night...EP mist the boat, he could've had that.

blue said...

lindsay lohan and sam ronson are engaged now?


wft?

El Padrino said...

"that's a steal"

he doesnt win games
the bullpen blows and everytime i make a trade the other guy gets a steal

funny

El Padrino said...

"tulo hit a HR last night...EP mist the boat, he could've had that."

that piece of shit is still on my $$$$ keeper

tem said...

"lindsay lohan and sam ronson are engaged now?"

it'll be a temgagement.

Jugdish said...

that piece of shit is still on my $$$$ keeper


trade him now that he is on a roll!

tem said...

"everytime i make a trade the other guy gets a steal"

bodes well for me.

El Padrino said...

nobody wants him, i've tried for a month to trade him

El Padrino said...

"bodes well for me."

if you beleived them

blue said...

it's not my fault you don't get good value

blue said...

actually beltran/haren isn't a bad deal

Meiz said...

"he doesnt win games
the bullpen blows and everytime i make a trade the other guy gets a steal"


Wins are over rated

tem said...

saved by the bell skit on fallon tonight. or something.

tem said...

i should have traded for a pirate.

Meiz said...

"everytime i make a trade the other guy gets a steal"


Well when it happens every time, it might not be coincidence.

tem said...

liam neeson is hannibal in A Team movie?

El Padrino said...

"Well when it happens every time, it might not be coincidence."

horseshit, your busting balls, yesterday's deal and todays are SOLID with a capital S

the vlad trade, maybe was the only one but i need to get rid off some pitchers and i sold high on jackson

Meiz said...

"lindsay lohan and sam ronson are engaged now?"

Thought she was getting with a non-ugly lezbo.

El Padrino said...

on average, Haren was drafted like 40th+, Beltran was drafted in the 20's and i have pitching depth

El Padrino said...

i will miss haren's K's though

blue said...

not a fan of the a-rod for johan deal

don't give a shit where guys were drafted...didn't you draft tulo in the 2nd round last year.

blue said...

and reyes was drafted top 5ish...and you wouldn't give top 5 value for him now

Meiz said...

"horseshit, your busting balls, yesterday's deal and todays are SOLID with a capital S"


A-Rod for Johan was a good deal. No objections here. I'm actually on your side with the Beltran deal. I attribute this to my OPS addiction, kind of how Spiff has issues with Holds.

El Padrino said...

"and reyes was drafted top 5ish...and you wouldn't give top 5 value for him now"

if the draft started today, beltran would be drafted 20+ spots higher than haren and for my team he was expendable because i need more offense

blue said...

holds are great

blue said...

apology accepted

El Padrino said...

"not a fan of the a-rod for johan deal"

but there was no steal, it was has even balanced of a trade you'll see

Steve said...

GW Sr. is a pimp.

Beth said...

re: GW Sr.

Good lord,look at those socks. (Freak is jealous.)

blue said...

you'll be sad when you lose all your money

El Padrino said...

i sent you a lopsided trade offer blue

El Padrino said...

please take advantage of me

Beth said...

"please take advantage of me"

Wait a minute, that's MY line!

S?

El Padrino said...

i phone a hundo now

tem said...

you never say please beth.

tem said...

i'd be pissed if i paid lots of money for that iphone back in the day.

/ep

Meiz said...

"but there was no steal, it was has even balanced of a trade you'll see"


You better tip your fucking hat for this one.

Meiz said...

"i phone a hundo now"


Still too much

El Padrino said...

"Former AT&T CEO Edward Whitacre Jr. will become chairman of the New GM when the company is launched."

he's old school

El Padrino said...

"You better tip your fucking hat for this one."

*bowing

tem said...

"was has even" is great.

Beth said...

"you never say please beth"

Was that why you turned me down Tem? Here I've been thinking you were just scared.

Meiz said...

Tem is a gentleman

Meiz said...

A southern girl should be able to easily recognize that.

Meiz said...

These deadbeats best start paying up on their mailboxes.

tem said...

if they don't pay do you get to keep their stuff?

Beth said...

"A southern girl should be able to easily recognize that."

I'm curious Mize, how many southern girls have you met in your life? (And having watched Designing Women doesn't count.)

tem said...

"Was that why you turned me down Tem? Here I've been thinking you were just scared."

that's what happens when you assume.

tem said...

"(And having watched Designing Women doesn't count.)"

big aitch and LOL.

blue said...

put a box with poop in the mailbox...that'll show em

tem said...

step 1: cut a hole in their mailbox

tem said...

so the idol runner-up came out and said he was gay?

i thought everyone already knew that.

blue said...

meiz is a world travler

tem said...

HUNGRY

JFreak said...

I see where this is going.

blue said...

"so the idol runner-up came out and said he was gay?"

isbns by this

and come to find out Ellen Degeneres is gay as well as Rosie O'Donnell, who knew

blue said...

could trading places make Kyle Orton more valuable than Jay Cutler?

tem said...

i fail to see how a TV show on TLC can do that.

tem said...

oh that's trading spaces.

too bad.

tem said...

then i fail to see how a movie could do that.

tem said...

by the by hungry got delayed.

tem said...

delayed to right now.

Meiz said...

"I'm curious Mize, how many southern girls have you met in your life?"

ZERO.



Are you saying the Southern Hospitality thing is just a myth?

blue said...

maybe they have a bet for a dollar

Beth said...

"Are you saying the Southern Hospitality thing is just a myth?"

Oh it's true (although MUCH less common that it used to be). But I'd say that Southern Hospitality is different from being able to see that Tem is supposedly a gentleman.

El Padrino said...

watched the dallas/giants 2007 playoff game

major woodrow

El Padrino said...

funny troy aikman was saying how romo was a winner and "knows how to play the game", three plays later he took a 16 yard sack

Meiz said...

"step 1: cut a hole in their mailbox"


Dick in a mailbox is a running joke here.

Meiz said...

"But I'd say that Southern Hospitality is different from being able to see that Tem is supposedly a gentleman."


Beth is in AJA mode today

Meiz said...

Who's policing my commas today? Dr As.?

JFreak said...

funny stuff.

So Obama destroys the previous administration for holding prisoners and then rolls out his own plan for holding prisoners in a stricter manner.

Can't say that I disagree too much with his plan, but chiding the old guard when you're doing the exact same thing seems a little much.

JFreak said...

I will police the commas.

Meiz said...

much obliged

El Padrino said...

freak, this is pretty much the way it's gone, not a day has gone by that obama destroys bush in some way, it's the total opposite of how a president should act

El Padrino said...

North Korea today said it would use nuclear weapons in a "merciless offensive" if provoked — its latest bellicose rhetoric apparently aimed at deterring any international punishment for its recent atomic test blast.

JFreak said...

"Wins are over rated"

Overrated is one word. And you need a period.

isiah thompson said...

I'm still waiting to be impressed with Osama and jump on the bandwagon.

America got took by a smooth talking brotha.

Osama is akin to Lionel Hutts, you check his briefcase and he's got a sandwich, apple and balled up newspaper - but nothing of substance. Oh, it's true.

Meiz said...

bossman has been typing an email for the past 45 minutes or so. His 2000 word emails to politicians and journalists are obnoxious.

Steve said...

"So Obama destroys the previous administration for holding prisoners without trial and torture"

*fixed.

we can't try some of them even in a military court cause they have been tortured.

it would be a mistrial. so we're kinda stuck.

JFreak said...

"I attribute this to my OPS addiction, kind of how Spiff has issues with Holds."

This should just be two sentences.

El Padrino said...

smart lil girl

Meiz said...

"Overrated is one word. And you need a period."


Your job is commas, and commas only.

spaceman spiff said...

bossman should have been capitalized

El Padrino said...

yes!

JFreak said...

"Your job is commas, and commas only."

Okay.

spaceman spiff said...

redskins jacket order got cancelled


woe

Meiz said...

"yes!"

You want the country run by the book, and your state like an S. Got it.

Meiz said...

Bummer about the jacket

blue said...

it was a pie dream anyway spiff

El Padrino said...

how great was Ralphie

JFreak said...

"During the coup, Democrats fled the chamber, turned out the lights, and cut off the Internet feed of chamber proceedings, leaving Republicans and their two Democratic friends to take the vote in the dark."

This is funny.

El Padrino said...

"You want the country run by the book, and your state like an S. Got it."

blank stare

Meiz said...

Heart Attackackackackack

El Padrino said...

SHE WAS A HOOOWWAAAHHH!!

A

B she hit me.

El Padrino said...

implanted defribiliator worked well there

Meiz said...

Bossman is still typing that email. Dude, stop being a douchebag.

Meiz said...

"implanted defribiliator worked well there"

I'd say so

Meiz said...

This inhaler sucks.

JFreak said...

"Heart Attackackackackack"

Yay for science.

Meiz said...

Hey dude, I think 7 paragraphs is enough for one email.

Meiz said...

Why do these numbskulls insist on using the copier that is asleep? Are you fucking retarded?

El Padrino said...

the best dads ever

blue said...

i'm sure i'm on that list

isiah thompson said...

There’s nothing to worry about, according to Ochocinco. He and Palmer are as close as a couple of cowboys riding out a cold night in the mountains.

“I know people are trying to say we’re mad at each other and all that, but we’re good,” he told Bengals.com. “We’re like Brokeback Mountain. I’m going to be with Carson so much in July that I’m going to be the nanny [for his new twins].”

El Padrino said...

jesus

Jugdish said...

"So Obama destroys the previous administration for holding prisoners without trial and torture"


waterboarding is not torture, its a glorified swirly

blue said...

apology accepted

blue said...

maybe they just like the rivalry

blue said...

dammit, i was hoping scottie reynolds would stay in the draft and still be there for the Nuggets

Jugdish said...

maybe they just like the rivalry


I like how the media acts like they are tired of the Favre stories, yet the monitor flights in and out of MS and MN and watch for hotel reservations and such. I blame the media for running the story into the ground.

blue said...

"Bad eyes not the reason for big papi's slump"

unless his eyes had steroids in them

Jugdish said...

"Bad eyes not the reason for big papi's slump"


bummer, I was looking forward to the skull and crossbones glasses

El Padrino said...

wild thing

isiah thompson said...

unless his eyes had steroids in them

Cowheard made an interesting observation, I guess Ploppy* got some eye drops or something....

dry eyes is a side-effect of birth control pills.

he's boyz with Manny

Manny got busted for women's fertility drugs

I don't think its a big stretch to connect the dots.

Jamie Busted Me said...

"they are staying at my place and then going to Kings Island"


If they're going to Ohio to stay with you, why wouldn't you go to Cedar Point?


Cedar Point
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
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>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>
Kings Island

Jamie Busted Me said...

I'm curious Mize, how many girls have you met in your life?

*fized


wadr

blue said...

keith is a snob

Jamie Busted Me said...

"redskins jacket order got cancelled

woe"


Shitty

Jamie Busted Me said...

Good thing steve wears a helmet

Jugdish said...

Good thing steve wears a helmet



hilarity

Jugdish said...

keith is a snob


keef is the new ep
ep is the new steve
jug is the new tem
mEEz is the new deke

Jamie Busted Me said...

Benihana tonight

El Padrino said...

i'm not retarded

Jamie Busted Me said...

Rome

Jamie Busted Me said...

s

isiah thompson said...

steve is retarded?

/ep

Jamie Busted Me said...

I ♥ the /ep jokes

Steve said...

"Good thing steve wears a helmet"

LOV Donws > being a real life chump.

--------------------------

"ep is the new steve"

there is only on steve.

Jamie Busted Me said...

on, tw, thre, fou is a grate song

El Padrino said...

barney frank gq interview

Jamie Busted Me said...

"LOV Donws > being a real life chump."


I'd rather be broke than be retarded

tem said...

"If they're going to Ohio to stay with you, why wouldn't you go to Cedar Point?"

they spent some time in WV then over to my place. then down to Kings Island, then back home to North Carolina.

Cedar point is out of the way.

Also for 8yr olds Kings Island basically equals Cedar Point.

Jamie Busted Me said...

Ah, logic. I wasn't expecting that

tem said...

you forgot that I am indeed a scientist?

Jamie Busted Me said...

I thought the family was from wava, therefore was not expecting logic from them

Jamie Busted Me said...

It would be funny if tem was related to steve

Steve said...

"I'd rather be broke than be retarded"

i didn't say you were broke. just a pussy, a little girl, weak, afraid of confrontation (unless it's online)

you know...a chump.

blue said...

""Good thing steve wears a helmet"

LOV Donws > being a real life chump.

--------------------------

"ep is the new steve"

there is only on steve"


there is so much i love about this comment

Jamie Busted Me said...

"afraid of confrontation (unless it's online)"


OK pot

blue said...

jbm has lost his game

blue said...

steve has jbm shook

isiah thompson said...

barney frank gq interview


I had to stop reading what this fag was spewing. He's dellusional.

tem said...

oh they are from WV, but the cousin and her two kids live in NC.

all from WV, but now live in:

tem mom - WV
tem dad - WV
tem aunt - WV
tem uncle - WV

tem cousin 1 - OH, akron/cleveland
tem cousin 1s kid (from post) - akron/cleveland

tem cousin 3 - WV (near Marshall) has 2 kids (8 and 6)

tem cousin 4 - NC (near Charlotte) has 2 kids (8 and 4)

now you know too much about tem's family.

in order not to be called a holder outer tem does have 2 more aunts/ uncles and 3 more cousins not listed above. and 2 half sisters not listed above. and 1 step grandmother not listed above.

tem said...

"barney frank"


::frank barney::

El Padrino said...

"I had to stop reading what this fag was spewing. He's dellusional."

he really is

El Padrino said...

who's jbm?


/ep

Jamie Busted Me said...

"tem cousin 3 - WV (near Marshall) has 2 kids (8 and 6)"

I've been to Huntington. Everyone there plays banjos

tem said...

banjos are cool.

tem said...

but i don't think everyone there plays banjos.

tem said...

Randy Moss did not play the banjo when he was there.

tem said...

Nor did Byron Leftwich.

tem said...

Chad Pennington did though.

tem said...

old

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"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino