Tuesday, June 02, 2009

Sometimes....

....things make no sense to me. On cnn.com there is an article about how despite massive search efforts they can't find any trace of this missing plane and there is also an article about how scientists are tracking penguin poop from space. Now I am going to assume that penguin poop is smaller than a plane, so what gives??? Maybe we should have some scientists look for the plane. They can find penguin poop from space, so I bet they can find a plane.


....I think nothing beats a good "too soon" joke. Yesterday there was a lightning storm here so I said "good thing we aren't in an Air France plane right now..........too soon???" Cracked me up. I like "too soon jokes."


....I think women's tennis players have broader shoulders than the men tennis players. Nadal is a tiny looking dude. He is ripped, but not really huge. Then they show the chick that is the #1 chick and she looks like some sort of truck. This is kind of the same with swimmers. Chick swimmers are truck looking things and men swimmers are lanky. What gives?


....I think LeBron should get worse pub for not shaking hands after his loss. Classless move. It's just good sportsmanship, it has been done for years and years and now LeBron thinks that because he is a "winner" he doesn't have to shake hands. Not so fast my friend. Be a role model and shake hands. By the by I don't care that he didn't talk to the media afterwards. Nothing in the sportsmanship handbook says you have to do that. The NBA handbook might say it, but not the sportsmanship one.


....I do movie reviews. Here is one:

My Sister's Keeper

This movie is very aptly titled...although it isn't about my sister's keeper because I am an only child. Well I have two half sisters, but that doesn't count. Anyway, it is about some dude's sister's keeper. That's right, some dude has a sister who plays fantasy football and she needs help deciding who to keep on her team. Her league gets one keeper and she has to decide who to keep. She wants to keep LDT, but people are telling her that is a bad idea because he is run down, but she believes in him. Over time her brother and her boyfriend and her dad and some Indian guy at the 7-11 give her advice on who to keep. And some other people too, but I won't ruin it for you....but ultimately the decision is up to her...

That doesn't stop the people in her life from trying to get her to keep who they want. Her boyfriend tries to withhold sex so she'll pick his guy. That fails miserably as we all know guys don't have that club in their bag so to speak. Her dad offers to buy her a pony, but then she gets all pissed because she isn't 8 anymore and her dad fails to realize that. And really, why would an 8 year old girl play fantasy football? Come on dad, get with the program. Her brother offers to give her that diary back he stole years ago, but they realize it was really her friend's diary (hilarity ensues here because the author has a crush on the brother, but the brother thinks it is the sister's diary.....dun dun dun). The 7-11 guy offers free hotdogs, but they are gross and the girl is a vegan. Freaking vegans suck.

Who does she end up keeping? You'll have to watch to find out....because honestly I left before the end of the movie.

In any case if you are going to see one comedy this summer see something else. But if say you are going to see 15 comedies this summer then go ahead and see this one. By the by it stars Cameron Diaz but she does not get nekkid.

1.5 helmet stickers out of 5.


Now go forth and comment.

377 comments:

1 – 200 of 377   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Gee, a movie about fantasy football. Thanks for the heads up tem, I'll definitely be skipping that one.

In other words there's as much chance of me seeing that movie as there is of me getting on an Airfrance flight. (Too soon?)

SWIDT?

Jugdish said...

nice too soon joke

tem said...

IDSWYDT

tem said...

combining a too soon joke and a that's what she said joke would crack the top 10 of all time jokes.

tem said...

"Gee, a movie about fantasy football. Thanks for the heads up tem, I'll definitely be skipping that one."

that's what these movie reviews are for.

El Padrino said...

lebron should have shook hands AND spoke to the media, he gives 60 minutes interviews, talks at every game, pre and post interviews, espn pieces where he's tossin the ball from 60 ft away blindfolded with one hand tied behind his back, etc

he can talk to them after a loss too

fucking punk ass bitch

blue said...

very punk ass

blue said...

and what does that say about his teammates who went and shook hands, that they aren't competitors?

or Jordan, one of the fiercest competitors in the history of sports, he always shook hands afterwards...even with the Bad Boy Pistons who he flat out hated.

blue said...

Conan was good last night.

i've always liked him, last night was vintage conan...right down to the creepy andy richter

Beth said...

I think that Air France plane got wet and then went down.

TWSS.


(How's that for a first try?)

blue said...

too soon

blue said...

what i don't get, some guy saw orange shit in the ocean when he was flying over...but didn't think anything was weird until he found out the plane had crashed...at that point he decided it must have been fire.

blue said...

and i guess where the plane "alledgedly" crashed, the ocean is like 15K feet deep...i don't think anyone lived.

blue said...

not even spongebob could live that deep

blue said...

TWSS and too soon

El Padrino said...

as usual, i am fascinated by this latest airline disaster

blue said...

isbns that ep is intrigued by airlines

El Padrino said...

wondering if they should fire up that submerise thing like in Titanic

Jugdish said...

what i don't get, some guy saw orange shit in the ocean when he was flying over...but didn't think anything was weird until he found out the plane had crashed...at that point he decided it must have been fire.



how high were they flying? Wasn't the air france plane at like 50,000 feet? I'm wondering how big those orange things were he saw. At 30-50k feet its not necessarily a no brainer to think a plane had crashed if you see little orange things in the water

El Padrino said...

that can go 15K feet, but it's obvious that they wont be pulling bodies out of there

poor souls

i dont know how i would feel knowing my family memeber is laying at the bottom of the ocean, probably crushed from the compression that deep in the ocean

El Padrino said...

i lit a candle and said a prayer for the families this morning at church

ns

tem said...

plane probably exploded.

dead people before they hit the water.

El Padrino said...

exploded on impact maybe

your saying it exploded mid air

tem said...

i say in mid air.

tem said...

but i am not a scientist.

tem said...

surprised a terrorist cell hasn't claimed responsibility.

just 'cause nobody knows what happened they minus well claim responsibility to get publicity.

tem said...

it would bottle the mind if the taliban said they did it.

people would crush the streets in panic. it would be pure panda amonium.

it would be a huge coop for the taliban if they could get people to believe they blew up a plane.

tem said...

the intranational community would have to have pre active talks with them.

the chute would be on the other foot.

El Padrino said...

"surprised a terrorist cell hasn't claimed responsibility."

you wanna hear paranoia? my father in law asked me yesterday if i thought it was possible that the plane was hijakced, returned to venezula, loaded with explosives, and from there be involved in some sort of terrot plot any day now

it was the longest ::flank stare:: I ever did

tem said...

Time Magazine would stop the pressings and print a new cover.

tem said...

"you wanna hear paranoia? my father in law asked me yesterday if i thought it was possible that the plane was hijakced, returned to venezula, loaded with explosives, and from there be involved in some sort of terrot plot any day now"

1st thing out of the lawyer's mouth here at work was "terrorists either took it or blew it up."

H said...

Has Cameron Diaz ever gotten nekkid on film?

Steve said...

"just 'cause nobody knows what happened they minus well claim responsibility to get publicity"

it was a French plane. No challenge there, terrorist don't want that kind of publicity. Their buddies will think they are weak.

blue said...

maybe it hit a bird

El Padrino said...

"Has Cameron Diaz ever gotten nekkid on film?"

yes

tem said...

meeting

blue said...

too soon?

Beth said...

"i lit a candle and said a prayer for the families this morning at church"

You go to church during the week in the morning? You must have a LOT you need to be forgiven for...

Jugdish said...

ep has to go into church at least 3 times a week otherwise he bursts into flames when he walks in there

El Padrino said...

"You go to church during the week in the morning? You must have a LOT you need to be forgiven for..."

there are two on the way to work

blue said...

maybe that's why he's always so busy

blue said...

will farrell explained that liza manelli is a communist last night


commie bitch

Steve said...

EP at church is hilarity

El Padrino said...

blue, they replaced Jacoby Ellsbury for Mags in that trade

but i fear carlos lee will heat up
astros suck though and sizemore might need surgery

i still may reject it, mulling

El Padrino said...

"EP at church is hilarity"

i dont follow

El Padrino said...

Marine Park Damage have offered you a trade in the
REYNALDO'S 2009 FANTASY BASEBALL:

Gavin Floyd, Carlos
Quentin and Carlos Zambrano

for Matt Garza, Matt Kemp and
Francisco Liriano.

El Padrino said...

i'm gonna reject that, i think

blue said...

carlos lee hit a HR last night

blue said...

as it gets warmer in the summer the ball will start flying out of that park

Beth said...

"will farrell explained that liza manelli is a communist last night"

Speaking of Will Ferrell, I'm pretty sure the episode of Man vs. Wild with him in it is tonight if anyone's interested.

Jugdish said...

as it gets warmer in the summer the ball will start flying out of that park

its warm down here all the time. Lee has been in a slump but looked good last night, and he said he felt good at the plate. Asstros suck bad, but he will get his numbers.

blue said...

see warmer, means more warm than it is now

and you call yourself a scientist

Meiz said...

"i lit a candle and said a prayer for the families this morning at church"


Wasting your time with that one

Meiz said...

Where's my special storm trooper?

El Padrino said...

aethiest

Meiz said...

"Gavin Floyd, Carlos
Quentin and Carlos Zambrano

for Matt Garza, Matt Kemp and
Francisco Liriano."


Plantar Fasciitis

Jugdish said...

see warmer, means more warm than it is now


its been high 90's down here for over a month and will stay there until Oct or so...its science

El Padrino said...

i rejected it meiz

H said...

Cameron diaz nudity.

Please advice

Meiz said...

Noodle Arm for Johnny Cueto was accepted in the 15 x 15 league.

I'll be voting that one down, too.

blue said...

can't wait for football season to start

blue said...

i'm getting pumped.

i'm almost willing to bet that the tandem of orton/simms (depending on who wins the starter role), will throw for more yards than cutler this year.

El Padrino said...

Vanilla Sky i think H
and some other chick flick

El Padrino said...

something about shoes

blue said...

circle...circle....circle...

El Padrino said...

i like simms blue

El Padrino said...

good point tem, if penguin poop can be found from space than a plane should be found in deep waters

El Padrino said...

"How to come out on Facebook"

meiz

El Padrino said...

microsoft always has to answer, they can never just live off their own products and ideas

tem said...

"good point tem, if penguin poop can be found from space than a plane should be found in deep waters"


at least the smoke on the water should be able to be seen.

El Padrino said...

obamer to make love to arabs

Meiz said...

CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE! CIRCLE!

blue said...

i like Simms, and i like Orton

Simms kind of fucks up the offense though, they have a franchise left tackle who is only 22

El Padrino said...

something is wrong with meiz

El Padrino said...

was the cocaine in red bull story linked for ezekiel?

blue said...

circle, circle, circle

El Padrino said...

"North Korea's Kim Jong Il has anointed his 26-year-old son _ said to be competitive, proficient in English and a heavy drinker _ as the next leader of the communist state, news reports said Tuesday."

at least he's a heavy drinker

Meiz said...

"something is wrong with meiz"


You might be full on retarded

Jugdish said...

Brazilian air force says it has found seats and debris — possibly from vanished plane


possibly?

Jugdish said...

those seat cushions DO float!

tem said...

"Brazilian air force says it has found seats and debris — possibly from vanished plane "


that's like when Air France said it was possible the plane crashed.

El Padrino said...

"You might be full on retarded"

are you prompting me to ask what the fuck circle....circle....circle means?

Meiz said...

Don't worry. It didn't happen in NY, so its nothing you need to know about.

El Padrino said...

cocaine in the bull

El Padrino said...

happy belated hurricane season day everyone!

Steve said...

"obamer to make love to arabs"

Iran has elections coming up. The religious leaders have selected 4 people that can run for president. 2 anti-western conservatives (1 being the current asshole) and 2 pro-western liberals (liberal for Iran anyways).

The US and Europe are using their words carefuly to not sway the election in favor of the anti-western hard liners.

El Padrino said...

cocaine dealers demanding gold instead of money

tem said...

"Simms kind of fucks up the offense though, they have a franchise left tackle who is only 22"

Simms looks like Gary Busey Jr.

Meiz said...

Anybody think Ty Lawson's gonna be around at #10?

El Padrino said...

that asshole is winning again

"Ahmadinejad is thought to be a leading contender for Iran's June 12, 2009 presidential election. On August 23, 2008, Supreme Leader Ali Khamenei announced that he "sees Ahmadinejad as president in the next five years," a comment interpreted as indicating support for Ahmadinejad's reelection."

El Padrino said...

circle....circle....circle....

blue said...

"Brazilian air force says it has found seats and debris — possibly from vanished plane "

in the air? because that's where i'd expect the airforce to be

blue said...

"Anybody think Ty Lawson's gonna be around at #10?"

did he come out?

Steve said...

"that asshole is winning again"


let's hope not. he's pissed a lot of people off over there since last year.

tem said...

DXO is what el pad recommends buying?

tem said...

"in the air? because that's where i'd expect the airforce to be"

that's what they want you to believe.

blue said...

circle, circle, circle

El Padrino said...

i recommend dxo for short term yes

blue said...

EP recommends shorting DXO...got it.

El Padrino said...

energy stocks in general are hot right now

spaceman spiff said...

air france plane is lost on some magic island, debris was planted by some rich dude

spaceman spiff said...

if qualls wasnt hurt, tyler would have gotten 4 saves yesterday

blue said...

ahiik

El Padrino said...

VY wants to play ball

Jugdish said...

does he have any years of eligibility left at Texas?

tem said...

in baseball maybe.

Meiz said...

My, that was a delicious french vanilla yogurt.

El Padrino said...

bumble bee tuna

blue said...

ib, ybz

Jugdish said...

lamar odem is going to look like charles barkley when he gets done playing

JFreak said...

"microsoft always has to answer, they can never just live off their own products and ideas"

Good job el padrinofast.

May the Fourth be with me said...

csil said that maybe the Air France plane landed on some deserted island and they'll have a real life Lost

El Padrino said...

woe

spaceman spiff said...

"csil said that maybe the Air France plane landed on some deserted island and they'll have a real life Lost"

el csildrinofast

blue said...

maybe the air france plane was part of a photo op

El Padrino said...

good one blue

spaceman spiff said...

"From Ordering Steak and Lobster, to Serving It "

woe


and its not like that cant eat lobster and steak anymore

El Padrino said...

if you cant pay your mortgage you shouldnt eat steak or lobster

spaceman spiff said...

what about sizzler steak and lobster?

dont lie, you speak spanish

May the Fourth be with me said...

That should be on a bumper sticker

blue said...

what if they got a job as a lobster trapper...or in a butcher shop

El Padrino said...

johnny used to work on the docks

spaceman spiff said...

more like used to work on the stocks, now he works on the docks

(yes i know you were quoting bon jovi, pls dont explain)

May the Fourth be with me said...

This is what EP drinks

May the Fourth be with me said...

Kimbo Slice is gonna be on The Ultimate Fighter

May the Fourth be with me said...

By The Ultimate Fighter, I mean the TV show, not the wrestler.

JFreak said...

Keeper league power rankings were posted last night, if you missed it.

spaceman spiff said...

surprised im first in that one, but suite

spaceman spiff said...

"Kimbo Slice is gonna be on The Ultimate Fighter"

suite, hope rampage clowns him

El Padrino said...

i wonder is joe nathan is available in the Y! league

El Padrino said...

greatpizzaarticle

El Padrino said...

"Where's Waldo?: The Movie Is A Terrible Idea"

agreed

isiah thompson said...

Joe Nathan is STILL available in Y!

isiah thompson said...

I'll take a cocaine red bull, please.

haven't had a redbull (outisde of vodker* red bull) in about two months. ns

isiah thompson said...

McKenna, a retired NYPD lieutenant who works as a private investigator, said he suffered serious cuts and abrasions to his throat and esophagus in the ordeal, during which he claims he was in "imminent fear of losing his life." He didn't seek medical attention, but said he had to gargle with mouthwash for two weeks to soothe his throat.

wouldn't gargling with mouthwash hurt like fuck if you had a cut in your mouth/throat?

blue said...

and to think, they could have had Okafor instead
idiots

El Padrino said...

jameer nelson wants to play

isiah thompson said...

Mr. Araya, 38 years old, lost his job in 2007 as a crude oil trader on the New York Mercantile Exchange. After visiting dozens of headhunters with no luck, he applied in August 2008 to be a host at the Palm to support his wife, two young daughters and mortgage payments. His salary has plunged from $200,000 to $25,000.


it makes you wonder how "smrt*" some of these people are. I get that being an oil trader is a "specialized" skill, but dood must have some sort of smarts or transferable skillz right? And wouldn't you look for a better paying yob somewhere else rather than settle for 25K being a hostess?

blue said...

this didn't last long

piggy backing on EP's link about an unhappy VY

El Padrino said...

"it makes you wonder how "smrt*" some of these people are. I get that being an oil trader is a "specialized" skill, but dood must have some sort of smarts or transferable skillz right? And wouldn't you look for a better paying yob somewhere else rather than settle for 25K being a hostess?"

yeah, i have to assume he was only looking for trading jobs

mistake on his part

isiah thompson said...

and to think, they could have had Okafor instead


I love how D-Ho is always praising jeebus and announcers talk about him being this great guy, and he's got a kid.

isiah thompson said...

"I am just going to keep my mouth closed, man," Young said, according to The Tennessean. "All I am doing this year is shutting up, just shutting up and working. I am going to smile and shut up and continue being Vince Young, a happy smiling guy. I am not going to get into the hoopla any more because of the fact I can't win any more, I see.


uhhh, didn't dood try to off himself last season, or they were worried he might try to?

VY is a hot mess.

blue said...

what's wrong with having a kid...eP has a kid

tem said...

exactly

spaceman spiff said...

"Earlier, in the locker room, I had asked Howard to give me one or two reasons I should consider picking the Magic to defeat the Lakers.

"God" was his answer"

idiot, fuck dwight howard

blue said...

Kobe already used his God card by not going to prison for the rest of his life

blue said...

where is that stormtooper at today

blue said...

per the bible:

"Howard has been ranked consistently as one of the best in the league in field goal percentage and rebounds, and has set numerous league records"

name me one record he has set?

isiah thompson said...

name me one record he has set?

20/20 games maybe?

blue said...

youngest player to _____ is not a setting a record.

isiah thompson said...

and don't never* question the bible.

blue said...

that fool has only missed 3 games his entire career, all 3 this season...

God must like him a lot

blue said...

"The FOX network is currently developing a serial drama entitled "The Sherm". It will be patterned after "The OC" in an attempt to reclaim viewers that were lost due to the show's early demise."

this is still hilarity

Jugdish said...

youngest player to _____ is not a setting a record.



why not?

El Padrino said...

is blue questioning the gospel?

tem said...

God loves him some Deeeee Wight.

Jugdish said...

Milestones

Youngest player in NBA history to reach:
3000 rebounds[4]
4000 rebounds[4]
5000 rebounds[5]
Youngest player in NBA history to average a double-double[4]
Youngest player in NBA history to record 20 rebounds in one game[4]
Highest career field goal percentage in All-Star Game history: .810 (17 field goals made of 21 attempts)[6]
Youngest player in NBA history to lead the league in rebounding at 22 years, 130 days (14.2 rebounds per game throughout 2007–08 season)
Youngest player in NBA history to lead the league in blocks at 23 years, 128 days (2.9 blocks per game throughout 2008–09 season)[5]

Jugdish said...

that was per wiki, and what blue was referring to

isiah thompson said...

why not?

yeah I kinda thought that was the definition of record.

blue said...

being the youngest to do something is an accomplishment, not a record

tem said...

"Barry Axelrod emphasized Peavy's refusal to accept a trade to the Sox was not a referendum on that organization. "It was not that Jake didn't want to come to the White Sox," he said."


1st - umm yeah, that's exactly what refusing the trade meant.

2nd - Axelrod is a hilarious name.

blue said...

you are all too loose with your definition of record.

you suck

isiah thompson said...

I think I hold the record for LOV quitting.


DET

El Padrino said...

loose

tables

beth

isiah thompson said...

I also hold the LOV record for best awesomeness* by someone with the name "thompson" in their screen name.


DET

isiah thompson said...

Deke holds the unofficial shit record.


DET

isiah thompson said...

unofficial shit and personality record.


DET

tem said...

you also hold the record for youngest blogger to acheive best awesomeness* by someone with the name "thompson" in their screen name.

Jugdish said...

something is wrong with my interwebs today

tem said...

you should axe al gore to fix it.

El Padrino said...

my records are endless

blue said...

i hold the record for youngest LoV member to quit

El Padrino said...

al gore is dead

blue said...

wait, i nerve quit

El Padrino said...

it's june and 60 degrees
scientists mobbed him at a public square and kilt him

et tu clinton

tem said...

Teejer owns that record blue.

tem said...

Lakers in 3 is still making me laugh.

El Padrino said...

confirmed it was fake

blue said...

heart that on the radio this am EP...still funny shit

Beth said...

"loose

tables

beth"

You calling me EP?

blue said...

"Teejer owns that record blue."

youngest LoV member to spit in a dude's girl's mouth

El Padrino said...

"You calling me EP?"

checking the bat signal, how are ya darlin'?

El Padrino said...

zeek you see that letter i posted on obama?

El Padrino said...

hummer sold to china

Beth said...

"checking the bat signal, how are ya darlin'?"

Mad busy yo.

:-)

El Padrino said...

my girl!

tem said...

"youngest LoV member to spit in a dude's girl's mouth"


only LoV member to spit in a dude's girl's mouth?

El Padrino said...

"Sichuan Tengzhong could bring Hummers to the crowded streets of China’s big cities, although the vehicles would face the 40 percent tax that China imposes on cars, S.U.V.’s and minivans with engines over 4 liters."

seems like a dumb idea to sell hummers in china

Beth said...

"my girl!"

Well maybe, if the price is right...

Beth said...

"only LoV member to spit in a dude's girl's mouth?"

If that's the case he holds 2 records then - youngest AND oldest.

blue said...

oh damn

El Padrino said...

"Well maybe, if the price is right..."

ok julia roberts

isiah thompson said...

zeek you see that letter i posted on obama?

negative

mad busy, you*

Jugdish said...

interwebs appear to be working again

thanks al gore!

El Padrino said...

block

El Padrino said...

block

El Padrino said...

block

El Padrino said...

block

El Padrino said...

block

El Padrino said...

block

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Top Of The Page Material:

"Idiots with nothing better to do"





"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





"Obama got elected because of the Rooney rule" - Jug





"you should never let debt stop you from pro-creating anyway" - El Padrino





"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





"i'm dumb and sensitive. basically i'm a woman" - L Padrino





"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino