Monday, June 01, 2009

Running diary

Here we are again at the as. shaped mansion. I’m sitting here with a glass of code red and cmk is laying next to me. The dogs are having a tug of war with a piece of rope. Apparently the winner of the rope gets first dibs on the doggy bed tonight or some shit.
So this guy from SNL wit the huge teeth is hosting the show tonight. I really don’t think he’s funny at all. Jimmy Fallon told him that he laughs at his jokes too much.

9:03 – The show starts with a bunch of spoofs. Halfway through he gets naked and sticks his as. in Justin Timberlake’s face. Mize just got jealous
9:05 – I guess the host’s name is Andy Samberg. Or Samburg. He’s probably Jewish. And he just told the crowd they can fart if they want. That was his best joke of the monologue. I wish I was kidding.
9:08 – Jew guy is trying to rap and he called Megan Fox ugly. I hate him even more
9:10 – First award is presented by Anna Faris and some dude from the Star Trek movie. I don’t like Faris as a blond. The award they’re presenting is for best breakthrough performance for a female. What a stupid show.
9:11 – I just realized that I’m running a diary for the MTV Movie Awards. There is no reason why I should be watching this show. I watched it last year because hsil was in the crowd by the stage so we were trying to see her, but this year I have no excuse. I’m that bored.
9:12 – Transformers 2 exclusive premier trailer looks fucking suite. I’m uber pumped.
9:15 – Cmk just axed what I was doing. ::flank stare:: is in the house.
9:17 – It’s been mentioned here before, but The Hangover looks hilarity. I told cmk that it’s based on my bach party. More ::stank glare::s
9:19 – Shia LeBeaf is wearing a skinny tie. Skinny ties must be making a comeback because I’ve seen them a lot on TV lately.
9:20 – This Twilight movie must be pretty popular because every time it’s mentioned, all the little kids start screaming like…well…little kids. The chance that I’ll watch that movie is < than EP’s vertical stature.
9:23 – EMINEM!!!!!! Fuck you, mize. Eminem is the king shit. But he made MTV censor “rape”, “assault”, “murder”, and “nuts”. Thanks Janet!
9:29 – GI Joe also looks pretty suite-like.
9:35 – This fucking show is awful. Now Jew guy is pretending he’s Springsteen, singing some lame ass song.
9:36 – Now the fat kid from Superbad is on stage and he’s wearing a skinny tie. This trend is awful. I bet EP doesn’t have any skinny ties.
9:37 – Another category, another person from Twilight winning. Why is this shit so popular with the kids? Did Miley Cyrus write it?
9:39 – Another show about Paris trying to get a BFF? ISBNS
9:40 – Cmk just farted. I tolt her I was putting that in the diary. She was not amused. That’s a big NS.
9:45 – This goddman show isn’t even half over yet. But as a special treat to all of you, this diary is almost over.
9:54 – Sandra Bullock and Ryan Reynolds present the award for “Here I am. I was famous once. Don’t forget about me”.
9:56 – People from Twilight won another award. Something about a kiss or something. Then they get on stage and act like they’re gonna kiss again. Like, OMIGOD, this is so exciting!!!
10:00 – Chris Isaac and Leeann Rimes are onstage singing now. We must have gotten mize’s time masheen to take us back to 1997.
10:02 – Now Forrest Whitaker is singing. They’re singing about dick in a box. I guess this jew guy is the guy that made that. So he did 1 funny thing in his life.
10:03 – Hayden P is presenting the WFT award. No, really, they have a category called the WFT Award. Hayden just dropped the f bomb about 10 times. I like her even more now.
10:07 - OK I'm done now. I can't watch any more of this shit. I will nerve get that hour of my life back.

Go comment

413 comments:

1 – 200 of 413   Newer›   Newest»
tem said...

tem woke up early this morning and went to the workout facility for his community.

was fucking closed.

supposed to open at 6am, wasn't open at 7am.

God does not want tem to workout in the mornings.

tem said...

good running diary.

no mention of the eminem / that dude shit that is all over the intrawebs?

Beth said...

Nice running diary. ns

By the way, any self respecting teen or tween who is excited by Twilight would say "OMG" instead of "OMIGOD".

Beth said...

Tem you need to bitch about the gym not being open when it was supposed to be. Maybe they'll give you a break on your fees for the month.

Beth said...

RE: Sandra Bullock

She's been in Atlanta for the past few weeks (months?) filming a movie. The female attorney here has a kid in a fancy expensive daycare and Sandra Bullock's and Jesse James' daughter is in the same class as the attorney's son there while Sandra Bullock is filming in Atlanta. But so far the attorney here has only seen the kid with a big black bodyguard, no Sandra or Jesse sightings.

El Padrino said...

yeah what's twilight

El Padrino said...

tem do you cut holes in your pockets so you can still run your fingers through your hair?

El Padrino said...

missing plane is never good

tem said...

"Tem you need to bitch about the gym not being open when it was supposed to be. Maybe they'll give you a break on your fees for the month."

i am contemplating just pulling a blue on the person who was supposed to be there.

*pulling a blue = firing them = PAB

tem said...

"tem do you cut holes in your pockets so you can still run your fingers through your hair?"

what?

tem said...

"missing plane is never good"

ocean = giant pool

it's lost forever.

El Padrino said...

keef you missed this in your diary

El Padrino said...

that's the bruno prank on eminem which em appreciated

s

El Padrino said...

"tem do you cut holes in your pockets so you can still run your fingers through your hair?"

what?"


it's a bald joke silly

tem said...

"it's a bald joke silly"

yeah, but i don't get it.

you mean like run my hands through my leg hair or something?

El Padrino said...

pubic hairs

El Padrino said...

that texas 15 inning game, kid threw 12 + inning of no hit ball (actually perfect)

tem said...

yeah he must be good.

or the other team sucked.

tem said...

"pubic hairs"

oh you assume i have those. that's sweet.

Beth said...

"yeah, but i don't get it."

Seemed an obvious (but bad) joke to me. Tem, you sure you weren't pushing on the gym door this morning when you it said to push and it was really open?

El Padrino said...

FAR SIDE

Beth said...

"it's a bald joke silly"

It always cracks me up when guys call each other silly...

Beth said...

"FAR SIDE"

Well done EP, the sign on the door was for "school for the gifted" too.

El Padrino said...

"Well done EP, the sign on the door was for "school for the gifted" too."

tremendous fan of Mr. Larson

Beth said...

"tremendous fan of Mr. Larson"

Same here.

tem said...

"Tem, you sure you weren't pushing on the gym door this morning when you it said to push and it was really open?"

no i got there and three people were sitting outside. got there a little before 7am, place is supposed to open at 6am.

so i went around to the handicapped entrance and looked in and nobody was in there, lights were off, etc.

Beth said...

Actually my question wasn't supposed to be a serious one there tem. Didn't figure I needed an S on it.

El Padrino said...

DXO

DO IT NOW

Oil will be 80 a barrel, maybe 90 by end of july.

tem said...

"Didn't figure I needed an S on it."

you should know better.

Bluggets said...

ep is chicken little

Beth said...

"you should know better"

Yeah, doesn't look like you're having your best morning today.

tem said...

never on a monday

Bluggets said...

that bruno shit is still funny

tem said...

also they brought in cake today.

God wants tem to not workout and to eat cake.

God is great.

Bluggets said...

and completely staged...eminem knew that shit was happening..

people forget he's an "actor"

Bluggets said...

he's always been good at acting pissed off

Bluggets said...

the workout area is not open the first monday of every month for maintenance...its true

tem said...

"that texas 15 inning game, kid threw 12 + inning of no hit ball (actually perfect)"

elpadshamford.

dude walked the 3rd or so batter he faced.

tem said...

"the workout area is not open the first monday of every month for maintenance...its true"

that is not true.

Bluggets said...

"elpadshamford."

there is so much wrong with his statement i just let it go, but....


the game went 25 innings...the kid he's talking about threw 13 innings and gave up only 2 or 3 hits...boston college lost

El Padrino said...

i'm eating my lunch for breakfast

El Padrino said...

"the game went 25 innings...the kid he's talking about threw 13 innings and gave up only 2 or 3 hits...boston college lost"

carton and boomer on the WFAN said he threw a perfect game, I will email them now to tell them what assholes they are

Jugdish said...

I saw The Wrestler last night. I wanted to like it, but was not impressed. Can't remember who said that if you take the Tomei nudity scenes out it is unwatchable...but i agree

Jugdish said...

a washed up actor plays a washed up wrestler...why is that such a great performance? not much of a stretch...

El Padrino said...

i thought it was teriffic

El Padrino said...

you agree with keef, congrats

tem said...

"carton and boomer on the WFAN said he threw a perfect game"

skunkpatch and the boxscore say he walked like 3 people before he gave up his first hit.

Jugdish said...

i thought it was teriffic


i remember you sayin tha and i wanted to like it. i thought th ending sucked and there wasnt much to it...disappointing

Bluggets said...

watched "dead country for no men" this weekend...i remember people saying they didn't like the ending.

i'd agree, the only thing missing from the ending was Journey singing Don't stop believing.

El Padrino said...

"skunkpatch and the boxscore say he walked like 3 people before he gave up his first hit."

boomer and carton suck

El Padrino said...

no country for old men is awesome

El Padrino said...

who cares about endings, endings dont make movies

he got away, he got the money, he's an awesome serial killer

Beth said...

"watched "dead country for no men" this weekend...i remember people saying they didn't like the ending."

I just saw that too about a month ago. I had read the book a little before seeing the movie and the ending is straight from the book. I liked the ending even less in the book.

Bluggets said...

books suck

Beth said...

EP and his daughter in a few years.

El Padrino said...

hilarious, minus the cowboy hat of course

El Padrino said...

Obama Motors

El Padrino said...

steve phillips has to go, sunday night baseball is beyond unwatchable, beyond

he's such a joke, when joe morgan is the fucking brains of a conversation you know something is wrong

Bluggets said...

GM stands for Government Motors

Bluggets said...

i don't know why EP is so upset...Airbus is owned by the French Gov't...EP likes the french

tem said...

"EP and his daughter in a few years."

that is the dude's wife.

tem said...

"i don't know why EP is so upset...Airbus is owned by the French Gov't...EP likes the french"

and he hates america.

if the french took it over he'd be all for it.

El Padrino said...

"the game went 25 innings...the kid he's talking about threw 13 innings and gave up only 2 or 3 hits...boston college lost"

no hits for 12 and a third

Bluggets said...

their arms were tired

El Padrino said...

"and he hates america.

if the french took it over he'd be all for it."

stop it

Bluggets said...

where is your beret?

tem said...

french plane "missing" needs to be changed to "crashed"

El Padrino said...

beret this

El Padrino said...

You're Fucking Out!! have offered you a trade in the
REYNALDO'S 2009 FANTASY BASEBALL: Asdrubal Cabrera, Kelvim
Escobar, Aubrey Huff and Magglio Ordonez for

Jair Jurrjens,
Carlos N. Lee and Grady Sizemore.

Blue, would you do this? I give up Sizemore, Lee and Jurrjens. I want to do it. I'm in 4th place, my other pitchers are Wang, Liriano, Nolasco, Garza, Saunders, Baker and JA Happ. I'm desperate for more offense and Escobar is intriguing, throwing 95 again.

tem said...

isn't sizemore hurt now?

tem said...

plus who are you going to drop to make the trade work?

or do you have an extra roster space?

El Padrino said...

yes, hence why i was shopping him

El Padrino said...

i would drop that bag of shit tulowitski and Happ

JFreak said...

"She's been in Atlanta for the past few weeks (months?) filming a movie. The female attorney here has a kid in a fancy expensive daycare and Sandra Bullock's and Jesse James' daughter is in the same class as the attorney's son there while Sandra Bullock is filming in Atlanta. But so far the attorney here has only seen the kid with a big black bodyguard, no Sandra or Jesse sightings."

Speaking of Jesse James, the episode of his new show I worked on airs on the 14th.

Good times

El Padrino said...

that's a good show freak

El Padrino said...

*looks like a good show

JFreak said...

EP, your offer was a little tempting, but in the end I'm not feeling it.

Keith S said...

"you agree with keef, congrats"

And zeke, I think

Keith S said...

"no mention of the eminem / that dude shit that is all over the intrawebs?"

Like blew said, it was obviously staged. They're not gonna do something like that to him when there's a good chance one of his homies would probably shoot the guy.

tem said...

"Like blew said, it was obviously staged."

irregardless, thought it would get a mention.

tem said...

"9:03 – The show starts with a bunch of spoofs. "

staged

"9:08 – Jew guy is trying to rap and he called Megan Fox ugly."

staged


etc etc

tem said...

HUNGRY

Keith S said...

It was my running diary. If you want shit in a diary, do it yourself



s

Bluggets said...

your face is staged

Bluggets said...

EP, i wouldn't make that trade.

even if escobar is throwing 95, doesn't mean that he'll be sharp when he comes back....think Frankie Liriano

Keith S said...

Apparently csil got her nips pierced this weekend

Bluggets said...

Carlos Lee will get better, as soon as i trade him away

Keith S said...

Liriano isn't throwing 95

Bluggets said...

"Apparently csil got her nips pierced this weekend"

pics please

Beth said...

"If you want shit in a diary, do it yourself"

Meiz will shit in a diary, he'll shit anywhere and anytime.

Beth said...

"Apparently csil got her nips pierced this weekend"

csil just got hotter in my eyes...

Bluggets said...

"Liriano isn't throwing 95"

neither is escobar...and escobar is like 33 and has had one solid year, the year before he blew out his shoulder.

Bluggets said...

EP just likes him because he's related to Pablo

El Padrino said...

so no one thinks mags is back on track?

Keith S said...

the missing Air France jet ran into lightning and strong thunderstorms over the Atlantic Ocean

Don't planes normally fly over the clouds?

Keith S said...

I forgot to mention in the running diary, all times are PST

spaceman spiff said...

"Speaking of Jesse James, the episode of his new show I worked on airs on the 14th."

freak is working on porn sets now? suite

/ep

Keith S said...

He's not a survivor

Keith S said...

Here, beth

spaceman spiff said...

blue, your name for your 1 comment is: poo nuggets.

keep the same pic youre using

El Padrino said...

"freak is working on porn sets now? suite"

boogie nights, freak is philip seymour's character

May the Fourth be with me said...

oops, I forgot

poo nuggets said...

i ♥ kobe

blue said...

done

Meiz said...

"that's the bruno prank on eminem which em appreciated"


Ummmmm...Staged?

spaceman spiff said...

99% chance of staging, but cohen usually doesnt let people in on the joke

spaceman spiff said...

has the strahan sitcom gotten any run here? show looks gawdawful. EP will watch it

blue said...

but of all the people, why would he choose eminem

who is making his huge comeback, and has 9 mile coming out this summer.

El Padrino said...

ep dont watch network tv

you know that

blue said...

you don't play b-rabbit

cheddar bob will shoot bruno in the ass

El Padrino said...

staged / not staged it was hilarious

May the Fourth be with me said...

"ep dont watch network tv

you know that"



Except for American Idol

El Padrino said...

right

Meiz said...

"Obama Motors"


Sounds good. Has a ring to it.

spaceman spiff said...

eminem would be the angriest possible victim. sad if he has to get balls in his face to sell records, but i also read something that he knew about it, but bruno was sposed to come down as. first and sit on eminems lap, and he was sposed to have pants on

El Padrino said...

but it's ok if i miss some episodes, i'm no dvr freak

i watched 30 rock asswell

spaceman spiff said...

"ep dont watch tv, yet likes to speak like he did watch

you know that"

*fized

May the Fourth be with me said...

who the fuck is bruno

May the Fourth be with me said...

like, what is he famous for

El Padrino said...

borat

El Padrino said...

borat=bruno=ali g.


temmeiz

El Padrino said...

"ep dont watch tv, yet likes to speak like he did watch"

i dont speak of network tv

May the Fourth be with me said...

Ah, borat. got it

El Padrino said...

king james not talking to media right after game is fucking pussy

May the Fourth be with me said...

Yeah that was pretty douchebaglike. He'd fit in well in NYC

El Padrino said...

5 scenes to watch this summer

Meiz said...

"Apparently csil got her nips pierced this weekend"


That bitch is bat shit crazy

Meiz said...

Happy birthday, Keith

El Padrino said...

just had to spell M-A-R-G-I-N out to a tech fixing a printer

tech guy - hey what dept is this?

me- margin.

tech guy- margin?

me- yeah margin.

tech- can you spell that for me?

me- 10 seconds of flank stare then, ok, M-A-R-G-I-N.

El Padrino said...

it's keef's birthday?

May the Fourth be with me said...

maybe he thought you were in the margarine department

Meiz said...

On Friday, I told New Guy I voted for Obama because he's giving stuff away, and I want stuff. And that's what he now believes.

Kids are dumb.

May the Fourth be with me said...

"it's keef's birthday?"

jeez

JFreak said...

Power Rankings

Meiz said...

"it's keef's birthday?"


Star Wars Day is Keith's birthday

May the Fourth be with me said...

my ERA is fucking suite

El Padrino said...

wft is star wars day

JFreak said...

No one answer.

Meiz said...

Freak, strike that from the record

JFreak said...

Done.

tem said...

"wft is star wars day"

good lord.

May the Fourth be with me said...

"El Padrino" is Spanish for "The Oblivious"

tem said...

how did poker night go?

tem said...

i am sleepy.

JFreak said...

nap time.

Meiz said...

Poker?

Meiz said...

Hey EP, Did you see my latest film? Its a masterpiece.

tem said...

as. had poker night this weekend...i think.

Meiz said...

Oh. I was mad busy this weekend.

tem said...

what were you doing this weekend?

Meiz said...

Nothing, just being mad crazy busy. Mostly ploughing my hand to my suite, new desktop wallpaper.

May the Fourth be with me said...

Poker night turnt into get drunk and play Punch Out night

tem said...

"Poker night turnt into get drunk and play Punch Out night"

with other people?

May the Fourth be with me said...

tOSU's beisbol team did pretty good yesterday

May the Fourth be with me said...

"with other people?"

No. Most of the people bailed out. So I canceled it

tem said...

"Nothing, just being mad crazy busy. Mostly ploughing my hand to my suite, new desktop wallpaper."


i am translating this to mean you jerked off a lot this weekend and thus were too busy.

May the Fourth be with me said...

tem missed EP's hsil picture

May the Fourth be with me said...

But blew's hsil picture is still posted. LoF

Steve said...

Gamestop.

I returned 3 games this weekend. Got a 50 dollar store credit. Bought a used game and got a free one.


Not a bad deal.

Steve said...

"csil just got hotter in my eyes..."

is Keith hotter in your eyes too?

spaceman spiff said...

nice work freak, my pitching is still suite

tem said...

"No. Most of the people bailed out. So I canceled it"

so it was you vs punchout?


who is the end guy?

tem said...

"tem missed EP's hsil picture"

did i miss a lot then?

tem said...

"But blew's hsil picture is still posted. LoF"

is that really hsilob?

Meiz said...

"is that really hsilob?"


little brother blue's hot baby mama

Meiz said...

2 of our FedEx deliver guy are some cool ass cats.

El Padrino said...

oh keef is star wars name today i guess he lost a bet or something

El Padrino said...

i rejected the trade blue

blue said...

yep, that's hfsilob

blue said...

ok, i was still stewing...

basically volstad and edwin cancel each other out, edwin will come back to earth.

so it would have been Lee for assdrool...and i wasn't keen on that

blue said...

edwin lost 15games a few years ago, law of averages it's science

El Padrino said...

no meant the one i aksed for advice, reject that one if you want

blue said...

damn european women on ghm....someone should introduce a razor

blue said...

oh, yeah, that was a good choice as well.

Meiz said...

"damn european women on ghm....someone should introduce a razor"


seconded

Meiz said...

Hello?

El Padrino said...

Hola

spaceman spiff said...

EP doesnt read his own comments and seems to speak spanish frequently

spaceman spiff said...

facebook hilarity

El Padrino said...

why is spiff picking on me today

El Padrino said...

the deal fell through

isiah thompson said...

holy shit look at the thighs and hips on that chick.

isiah thompson said...

TPS is trying to pull off that borat teabag routine on me today.

WFT

JFreak said...

I'm bored.

May the Fourth be with me said...

Tropical thunderstorms ... can tower up to 50,000 feet. At the altitude it was flying, it's possible that the Air France plane flew directly into the most charged part of the storm — the top," Henry Margusity, senior meteorologist for AccuWeather.com, told The Associated Press.



I guess that answers my question from earlier

May the Fourth be with me said...

"so it was you vs punchout?


who is the end guy?"


I just got through the first few guys. King Hippo is the holder of the first belt. I beat him, but I couldn't beat the guy after him.

El Padrino said...

i thought it was a dumb question so i ignored it

May the Fourth be with me said...

"oh keef is star wars name today i guess he lost a bet or something"

No I figured that I needed a change

El Padrino said...

were you tired

May the Fourth be with me said...

i thought it was a dumb question so i ignored it


Stop it.

blue said...

isbns that guy backed out

May the Fourth be with me said...

"were you tired"

No. Just mad busy

blue said...

yo

blue said...

don't taser me bro

El Padrino said...

obama staying out of the public eye finally (s)

blue said...

"Police used a Taser on Jenkins, who punched someone in the head after being told not to"


Hey, don't punch that guy in the head

(punches guy in the head)...that's how i rollllllll (bzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz)

El Padrino said...

i'm actively shoppin for a harmonica

May the Fourth be with me said...

"Police used a Taser on Jenkins, who punched someone in the head after being told not to"


That sounds funny

May the Fourth be with me said...

block

May the Fourth be with me said...

bold

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