Monday, June 08, 2009

It looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue

This is post #800. DIT*

Tiger Woo, ya'll. He' a goddman masheen*. I love watching rounds like he had on Sunday, where he's driving it well and you know that he's going to make every putt. And the chip in on #11 was redonk. It's probably safe to say that he's back, 100%.

While we're on the topic, steve had a gold* tourney this weekend with strippers. He should post pics. He probably got a lot of attention. Strippers get pretty touchy with retards because they figure it's the most as. they'll ever get.

EP's favorite piece of sports equipment is the shuttlecock.

Tommy Hanson was barely able to get more guys out than Tommy Glavine. He should try to throw fewer HR pitches.

The Tony Awards are on tonight. I was going to do a running diary, then I realized that they are awards for Broadway shows. And I didn't have June 7, 2009 listed on my calendar as the day I would kill myself.

Hey David Wright. The Riot has twice as many HRs as you have. Just let that sink in for a minute.

I didn't watch any basketball. I guess the team in Los Angeles won the first 2 games. So maybe the season is almost over.

Hockey is also almost over. I mean, this season. The sport itself has been "done" for a while now.

Pirates GM has seller's remorse

Sun Devils are finna win the College World Series. Write it down. In pencil. So you can erase it if it's wrong.

My streak for the cash is at 5 games right now. That's the highest I've erve* gotten. Except for that one night with the ecstasy. But I just jinxed my streak. Oh well, I don't need a million dollars.

So they found some more bodies from that goddman Air France plane. Maybe Mythbusters should do a show on this. Put some cork underneath a person falling from 35,000 feet and see if it will cushion their landing. ISBNS that the bodies had not been eaten by anything yet. But I guess one of the people was still fastened in their seat. Zeke had a suite joke about that this weekend, something along the lines of "I guess THE CAPTAIN hadn't turnt off the fasten seatbelt light yet".

My dogs are making out with each other right now. Fucking dogs will lick anything.

My $FMLB lost for the first time this year. Woe.

Bert Farb had or is having shoulder surgery. I'm usually against wishing death upon people, but if they accidentally sliced an artery on him, I wouldn't be sad at all.

Goddman csil, I don't know how her and my buddy are still dating. The sex must be fucking amazing. The drama that she causes, wow, I just don't understand it. And hsil meets some dude when we were all out on Friday night, and she invites him over to our house last night because we were having people over to celebrate cmk's birthday. So hsil gets fucking to' up before and during dinner, and her dude gets over to our house with some friends of his, and she passes out 15 minutes later and leaves dude hanging. So as a scientist, this proves the theory that crazy is hereditary.

I think that's all I've got. This was too much efforting. Go talk now.

514 comments:

1 – 200 of 514   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Nice post keith.

ns

H said...

I don't know if this is already HDH, but I heard one over the weekend that made me think immediately of LOV...

Someone said that they took it for granite*

This may be HDH material.
Please advice*

tem said...

HDH for sure.

tem said...

i hate when people take me for granite.

tem said...

hsilok is 3yrs away from being csilok2.

tem said...

*3yrs max.

H said...

4 days until A.I. auditions begin.mm

Beth said...

"hsilok is 3yrs away from being csilok2"

Personally, I think she already qualifies. (But I still like the name hsilok better.)

tem said...

well she is c, but she isn't csilok c....yet.

tem said...

makes me wonder whether or not cmk is c or not. and not c as in cmk, but c as in csilok.

WADR

tem said...

"4 days until A.I. auditions begin.mm"


do it. do it. do it.

you'll see lots of tail at auditions.

El Padrino said...

el pad, present

El Padrino said...

I anticipate a bidding war

tem said...

can't believe favre had surgery and the news people weren't all over it the day of.

i can guarantee angie jolie could not have surgery without 300 photographers taking pictures of her leaving and enterting the place it was done.

tem said...

that's two pedro jerseys for the price you wanted for that lynch jersey.

El Padrino said...

lynch jersey is now slashed 50% off

H said...

True statement, tem. Tail will be plentiful at the auditions. Worst case, I get some digits. Can't take that fact for granite*

El Padrino said...

granite is nice

El Padrino said...

offering suite pitching for a sloid bat in the keeper, i'm top 3 in pitching, #1 in K's

tem said...

nerve take digits for granite.

you can have "jam sessions" with the more desirable chicks.

tem said...

i haven't even looked at my keeper team in awhile.

blue said...

tornado came right by our house yesterday....tore up the mall that cmblue worked pt at after bgblue was born

blue said...

keeper league team is making a move

blue said...

only the top 4 make the keeper league playoffs.

that's super ghey

tem said...

i thought you lived in the mountains?

blue said...

no, mountains are far (20 miles) ns

El Padrino said...

tornado

interesting

tem said...

"no, mountains are far (20 miles) ns"

i see

tem said...

so it might be hard for you to throw that football over them mountains?

El Padrino said...

i try to care aboiut this stuff, I really do but in the end i lose interest

Beth said...

"i try to care aboiut this stuff, I really do but in the end i lose interest"

That's because you're a materialistic, shallow and short-sighted person.

Oh wait, I feel the same way. Oops.

tem said...

"We enjoyed ourselves so much that we wanted to continue this work. So Robert Sulnick and I, full of passion and naiveté, started American Oceans Campaign, which ultimately became a part of Oceana. And, here I am, still at it, 20 years later -- because our oceans are in trouble."


so in 20 years you accomplished nothing? good work.

tem said...

"Ninety percent of the big fish -- sharks, tuna, swordfish -- are already gone, according to a 2003 study in Nature."

maybe they used to be overpopulated and now they are good.

El Padrino said...

who would disagree with just shooting these people like that day, why should they even get treated like a nornal suspect?

tem said...

"The chemistry of the oceans is changing as they absorb 11 billion metric tons of carbon dioxide a year, and scientists say the acidifying waters will make it impossible for coral reefs, the nurseries of the sea, to grow. "

well if scientists said it then sign me up.

El Padrino said...

tem's really good at poking holes in peoples stories

El Padrino said...

is rashard lewis capable of dribbling?

tem said...

"Today, on World Oceans Day, don't just go green. Go blue."


blue knows Danson?

El Padrino said...

spiff shit his pants when courtney lee went up for that game winning alley (that I could have made)

tem said...

"who would disagree with just shooting these people like that day, why should they even get treated like a nornal suspect?"

i bet those people disagree with getting shot.

tem said...

tem says shoot them though.

El Padrino said...

one against 300 million always loses

tem said...

unless the one is chuck norris.

El Padrino said...

bruce lee killed chuck norris

tem said...

saw the hangover yesterday.

it was just OK. didn't really think it was that great.

tem said...

"bruce lee killed chuck norris"

but bruce lee is dead now.

tem said...

LOV is dead now.

El Padrino said...

the spaniard is back, i love her

El Padrino said...

I booked jamaica

El Padrino said...

rappers are funny

El Padrino said...

bing is the new google

tem said...

when is Cunty McCuntstein coming back?

El Padrino said...

Cunty has not announced her next visit as of yet.

El Padrino said...

shoulda watched it keef, the stage closed on brett michaels

El Padrino said...

spiff is going to love this shit

El Padrino said...

sick beer ponging shots

spaceman spiff said...

"hsilok is 3yrs away from being hcsilok."

*fized

spaceman spiff said...

i do love that shit

El Padrino said...

moneyball the movie

spaceman spiff said...

kobe cussed on live TV, always suite

spaceman spiff said...

EP treating thsi place like the new version of his blog

spaceman spiff said...

britneys tits, pasties/paint on the nips

El Padrino said...

heard about these, glad you linked it

El Padrino said...

Once upon a time, a guy asked a girl 'Will you marry me?' The girl said, 'No!' And the guy lived happily ever after and rode motorcycles and went fishing and hunting and played golf a lot and drank beer and scotch and had tons of money in the bank and left the toilet seat up and farted whenever he wanted. The End.

El Padrino said...

JJ redick was funny last night

spaceman spiff said...

lohan vag, again

El Padrino said...

we constrcuted a slip and slide this weekend, it was a success

spaceman spiff said...

magic backcourt is absolute shit, lee+alston+redick
+not 100% nelson = doodoo

El Padrino said...

It seems there is some legitimate confusion on just what languages Obama speaks, and as far as Arabic, the only real hint has came from Nick Kristof, who heard Obama recite the Muslim call to prayer in Arabic and with a "first-rate accent" back in 2007. With even the White House now smearing Obama as a Muslim, one wonders if the president hasn't been concealing some greater fluency with the language of the Koran.

spaceman spiff said...

keef, i bought the 1 penny skins jacket just for the fuck of it but seems like a website mistake and i dont think ill ever see it, on backorder, would be suite though

El Padrino said...

turkoglu was the pg in the 4th quarter, thought that was funny too

El Padrino said...

derek fisher is trash but you've said this already

spaceman spiff said...

yea, but he's sufficient against their trash so far, which tells you how bad theyve been

El Padrino said...

gundy and jackson are pretty good with breen

spaceman spiff said...

"gundy and jackson are pretty good with breen"

welcome to 2007

El Padrino said...

teams that should die

El Padrino said...

"welcome to 2007"

no i know, just sayin

Keith S said...

"makes me wonder whether or not cmk is c or not. and not c as in cmk, but c as in csilok."

Of course she's c, she's a woman. But she's not csil type c. What makes csil & hsil more c is that they don't know how to drink in moderation.

Keith S said...

"keef, i bought the 1 penny skins jacket just for the fuck of it but seems like a website mistake and i dont think ill ever see it, on backorder, would be suite though"

Nice. I thought about buying some and then selling them but I figured I would nerve see them

Meiz said...

"makes me wonder whether or not cmk is c or not. and not c as in cmk, but c as in csilok."


cmk married an old dude. She is ccmk.

Meiz said...

"and had a some great games for the Mets."


It's a me, whatta got?!?!

spaceman spiff said...

magic johnson said the lakers lost to the septics last year

Keith S said...

wawl

El Padrino said...

suite, Kogi BBQ coming to NYC

El Padrino said...

if the vikes were so serious about getting farve, willing to wait for him to heal from SHOULDER surgery and he's like 50 why didn't they A)draft a qb, or b) sign Garcia whi with AP would win 13 games (NS)

the vikings are a joke

Meiz said...

Why do you care about the president speaking a 2nd language, when the last one couldn't speak 1?

El Padrino said...

"Why do you care about the president speaking a 2nd language, when the last one couldn't speak 1?"

I care that he speaks arabic, if he spoke espanol i wouldnt care, greek, no bother, french, eh I could live with it but arabic? Mooslim.

Meiz said...

"I care that he speaks arabic,..."


And?

El Padrino said...

"AND"

I DONT FUCKING LIKE IT, IT FUCKING STINKS

Meiz said...

Since you hate my country so much, I recommend moving out of it.

JFreak said...

Dbacks had a no hitter in extra innings.

That's kind cool.

Meiz said...

God forbid the HNIC be able do decipher what you call our enemies are actually saying.

El Padrino said...

"Since you hate my country so much, I recommend moving out of it."

Your way off based chico

Meiz said...

"Your way off based chico"


suite

isiah thompson said...

no, mountains are far (20 miles) ns

than* you cannot throw the ball over them mountains.

El Padrino said...

your president is a socialist muslim

congrats

isiah thompson said...

"Ninety percent of the big fish -- sharks, tuna, swordfish -- are already gone,"

they had somewhere to go

El Padrino said...

when gollum eats a kiwi he puts the whole thing in is mouf, eats the fruit and then spits most of the skin out

why am i sitting next to this person

isiah thompson said...

Why do you care about the president speaking a 2nd language, when the last one couldn't speak 1?


please tell me you're acting like this just to rank* on EP.

El Padrino said...

gollum likes fuzzy balls in his mouf

fact

El Padrino said...

i offered $200 cash money to switch desks wif someone

NS

so far no takers

El Padrino said...

woods is already here practicing at bethpage

animal

El Padrino said...

close to finding the data recorders

Meiz said...

"woods is already here practicing at bethpage"


Bethpage isn't in Jersey, silly.

El Padrino said...

zeke, if you care, palin on hannity tonight

Meiz said...

"close to finding the data recorders"


Don't care

blue said...

turkoglu has always been their true PG.


and how come nobody made a big deal about the non-goaltending call on pau gasol at the end.

rules state, defender cannot touch the rim or the net while the ball is in the air, he got his fucking hand stuck in the middle of the rim.

cheaters

El Padrino said...

"Bethpage isn't in Jersey, silly."

here = ny

lawng island

blue said...

i got your bethpage right hear beatch

El Padrino said...

"and how come nobody made a big deal about the non-goaltending call on pau gasol at the end."

breen mentioned it in passing like to say the refs didnt thing he vibrated the rim

imagine losing a final game on a goaltend

isiah thompson said...

zeke, if you care, palin on hannity tonight

Palin needs to STFU and go away.

El Padrino said...

i wish they called the goaltend, mand that'd be suite

El Padrino said...

"Palin needs to STFU and go away."

after i paint those glasses

Steve said...

"Why do you care about the president speaking a 2nd language, when the last one couldn't speak 1?"

GW jokes are always funny.

Meiz said...

"Palin needs to STFU and go away."


Should have done so months ago. She's an embarrassment to the RNC.

Meiz said...

"i wish they called the goaltend, mand that'd be suite"


Refs let Howard get away with one earlier in the game.

Meiz said...

"It looks like I picked the wrong week to quit sniffing glue"


You ever seen a grown man naked?

isiah thompson said...

Should have done so months ago. She's an embarrassment to the RNC.

just like Hillary

El Padrino said...

AND PELOSI

H said...

Britney tittays were better than expected...

Meiz said...

"just like Hillary"


Yep

Meiz said...

"AND PELOSI"


Pelosi needs fired

isiah thompson said...

"A name you won't see in the top 100 best-selling jerseys since the NFL's new fiscal year began on April 1 is Chad Ochocinco."

hilarity

JFreak said...

keeper league power rankings

blue said...

in case freak didn't already know...ESPN does a power rankings already

blue said...

"imagine losing a final game on a goaltend"

if it's a goaltend in the 2nd quarter, it's a goaltend with .6 seconds left.

that's why people think officiating is shitty, because it's shady

spaceman spiff said...

"i offered $200 cash money to switch desks wif someone

NS"

how often do you go swimming in your vault

isiah thompson said...

Beer Man Here! - let's get this Nathan and some of my bench OF's for your best pitchers.


Do it.

Meiz said...

Already?

blue said...

Green Day's got some good staying power

i thought they'd all be dead or forgotten by 1997

isiah thompson said...

Beer Man Here! - Nathan and two of my bench OF's for Santana.

lock.it.up

El Padrino said...

"how often do you go swimming in your vault"

well the pool's open in the summer

spaceman spiff said...

"if it's a goaltend in the 2nd quarter, it's a goaltend with .6 seconds left."

precisely, it wasnt a goaltend earlier(howard) so it wasnt a goaltend later

El Padrino said...

"lock.it.up"

unlock it, you'd need gold bars to pry santana away from me

Keith S said...

"unlock it, you'd need gold bars to pry santana away from me"

Is that a reference to dong?

blue said...

"precisely, it wasnt a goaltend earlier(howard) so it wasnt a goaltend later"

somebody is looking through their laker colored glasses

JFreak said...

"saw the hangover yesterday.

it was just OK. didn't really think it was that great."

You must have been watching the wrong movie.

blue said...

tem accidentally walked into this movie

El Padrino said...

"Is that a reference to dong?"

in your sick mind maybe

spaceman spiff said...

up is overrated

spaceman spiff said...

3D was suite though

JFreak said...

"in case freak didn't already know...ESPN does a power rankings already"

link it up then already.

isiah thompson said...

Beer Man Here! - just sent you some gold bars.

El Padrino said...

I'm going to have to reject that.

isiah thompson said...

Beer Man Here! - added a few more gold bars - totally solidifies your lineup and depth now.

congrats

El Padrino said...

I don't think so tim

isiah thompson said...

I've got the pieces to make a deal work, counter.

El Padrino said...

i gotta calm down with the salt

tem said...

no i saw the Hangover.

just didn't like it that much.

blue said...

when you're trotting out JJ Redick in crunchtime you don't deserve to win an NBA championship

El Padrino said...

"I've got the pieces to make a deal work, counter."

you think i'm trading johan

isiah thompson said...

your squad just got bageled, the Sock Dongers are on their way up.

I can give you 4 legit pieces.

isiah thompson said...

I'm trying to acquire good SP not give it away.

El Padrino said...

your squad just got bageled,

so what, that was my shittiest week
and lost 3 categories by one

also my pitchers shit the bed, putz had INF era

El Padrino said...

I'm in this, I'm keeping johan, everyone else is fair game

tem said...

INF is high

Meiz said...

"somebody is looking through their laker colored glasses"

Spiff's not the only one that pointed the goaltending out.

isiah thompson said...

Sock Dongers vs. Beer Man Here! standings bet.

1 week

JFreak said...

"no i saw the Hangover.

just didn't like it that much."

Sorry that there's something wrong with you.

isiah thompson said...

Beer Man Here! - just sent you a Ft. Knox offer for The Johan.

limited time offer

tem said...

apology accepted

isiah thompson said...

4 starting players for 1

tem said...

if the Lakers big men are beating Howard down the floor and stopping him from getting into the position he wants, why don't the Magic pick the Lakers big men in the backcourt so Howard can get down to the offensive end before POW and Bynum can?

isiah thompson said...

you're killing me Beer Man Here!

El Padrino said...

"4 starting players for 1"

arod

isiah thompson said...

straight up?

isiah thompson said...

Freak, put together a SOS for the Y! league.

thanks and regards

Meiz said...

Strength of schedule?

tem said...

that's complex.

JFreak said...

Everybody plays 7 teams three times and the other 2 teams twice.

Not really enough variance to matter.

Keith S said...

Beer Man Here! is the fantasy version of the MESS

tem said...

maybe he meant SOS to date.

JFreak said...

"maybe he meant SOS to date."

We're nine weeks into the season, so everyone has played everyone once.

Keith S said...

Maybe he meant this.

Keith S said...

"We're nine weeks into the season, so everyone has played everyone once."

So?

JFreak said...

Everyone's strength of schedule is the same.

isiah thompson said...

apology accepted

Keith S said...

Maybe Beer Man Here!'s hitting wasn't that good because they were using corked bats.

blue said...

johan's on the block in the Y! league?

i'm on it

tem said...

maybe they were using corked bats in the bermuda triangle.

isiah thompson said...

Bleu - sent you something for Verlander

blue said...

no more rockies

blue said...

no more rockies...that's my motto

Keith S said...

Verlander is using smoking* mirrors this season

isiah thompson said...

League ID: 76619

League URL: http://football.fantasysports.yahoo.com/f1/76619

Password: pathword


never too early, all starters, categories, etc are up for debate

blue said...

verlander is keeping my team out of last place in the Y! league.

JFreak said...

Training camp hasn't started. It might be a little early.

Keith S said...

If your* not first, your* last

isiah thompson said...

Bleu - sent something else.

blue said...

"never too early, all starters, categories, etc are up for debate"

I thought about doing this, having a draft in early July, more like real fooybal

blue said...

"If your* not first, your* last"

especailly when you really are last

blue said...

if larry wasn't always hurt, that would be a decent deal

isiah thompson said...

draft right now is set for Aug. 30th (Sunday) 3 PM....PST.

Keith S said...

I'm gonna be gone that day



s

El Padrino said...

"johan's on the block in the Y! league?

i'm on it"

funny

isiah thompson said...

Y! fantasy football has stepped its game up.

Keith S said...

Who sets a draft for the middle of the afternoon on a Sunday????



/ep

isiah thompson said...

EP - I put some scoring bonuses in the footyball league.

JFreak said...

"draft right now is set for Aug. 30th (Sunday) 3 PM....PST."

I'm mad busy that day.

El Padrino said...

"EP - I put some scoring bonuses in the footyball league."

bout time

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