Keef's Crib

Well after a long anticipated wait (by noone), here it is. The first edition, of hopefully many, of LoV Cribs brought to you by the Axe Body Spray. Sorry tem, they were the highest bidder. Just an FYI, this is gonna be a long post(TWSS), so if someone wants to add a comment link at the top so zeke doesn't bitch, go for it.

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Here, we start at the den off of the front room as you walk into the house. We got the wine racks for free, now we just need some free wine to put in them. And that material on the right shelf under the fish tank is a bathing suit that cmk bought for her dog. I wish that was a joke. Apparently it was $.97 so she couldn't pass it up. Women really are irrational.


Here is our home security system. If you try and break into the house, expect these kids to maybe bark a little, but that's probably it. Tressel (the gray one), will probably just bring a ball or tug-of-war rope to distract your from your goal of robbing us. $10 that EP says something about the dog's dong.


Next, we head into the kitchen. You caught it on a good day because it's halfway clean right now. I may or may not have cleaned up a little just for this. I'll leave that a mystery. It's not really an Alfred Hitchcock type mystery, but oh well. Apparently cmk saw the "Ain't Life Just Grape" sign and couldn't pass that up either. ISWTSMDT


Moving on, we head from the kitchen into the living room, where cmk is sleeping. I was really hoping that the camera flash wouldn't wake her up, because she would wonder WFT I was doing. So thankfully she's a sound sleeper. This is where I LoV at when I'm at home. In case you care, which you probably don't. I busted the TV out of my mom's storage just for this.


And we move on to the guest bedroom. Some things that you'll see are missing are a bedskirt and there are no homeless children in there. We have a bedskirt somewhere, probably in a box in the garage. Good thing I don't need to impress women anymore because this room would need a lot of work done to it. If any of yous come out to the PHX, you can stay in there. You just can't let cmk see you.


I'd like to say this next room is where all the magic happens, but you all know I'm married so you know I'd be lying. The room's pretty plain, but only because we're renting. But that bed is the most comfortable fucking mattress I've erve* had. Seriously, yo, Costco doesn't fuck around with their shit. I was gonna put the comforter on there so it would look decent, but it's 105° and I don't want to waste time putting that on and taking it off.


Here's our closet. I have about 37% of the closet for my shit. If you look closely, you can see the green monster on the left. And there are also too many goddman purses on the shelf. I think that's about half of what she has, it's redonk. Luckily she buys mostly knock-offs, so at least there aren't $500 bags sitting up there not being used.


Want some shoes? Fucking ridiculous. And there's one shelf that's above the picture that has just boots on it. My guess is that there are probably about 100 pairs of shoes in all. And on top of that, there's a Bears hat sitting there. This is my least favorite part of the house.


Here is my office. It's small, quiet, and private. Everything a man needs to channel his inner mize. The basket of reading material is a nice touch. I don't know how long those candles have been in there because they weren't there for the first month, and I just noticed them when I was taking this picture.


Here's the rest of the master bath. It's pretty fucking plain. And it's carpet. I hate carpet in the bathroom. Whoever builds a house and puts carpet in the bathroom is a goddman retard.


And finally, here is the back yard. Some of the grass is dying because the dogs dug up 2 of the sprinkler heads and broke them off, so water was draining everywhere and I had to shut off that part of the system until I get that fized*. So far, the dogs have dug up the 2 sprinkler heads, 2 drip system pipes, and dug a huge hole in the grass. Hopefully my landlord doesn't read this.


And here's the fridge, for EP.



So there you have it. That is the as. pad. I hope you all enjoyed the first episode of LoV Cribs. But now you gotta get the hell out.