Monday, May 11, 2009

Keef's Crib

Well after a long anticipated wait (by noone), here it is. The first edition, of hopefully many, of LoV Cribs brought to you by the Axe Body Spray. Sorry tem, they were the highest bidder. Just an FYI, this is gonna be a long post(TWSS), so if someone wants to add a comment link at the top so zeke doesn't bitch, go for it.

Shortcut to comments

Here, we start at the den off of the front room as you walk into the house. We got the wine racks for free, now we just need some free wine to put in them. And that material on the right shelf under the fish tank is a bathing suit that cmk bought for her dog. I wish that was a joke. Apparently it was $.97 so she couldn't pass it up. Women really are irrational.


Here is our home security system. If you try and break into the house, expect these kids to maybe bark a little, but that's probably it. Tressel (the gray one), will probably just bring a ball or tug-of-war rope to distract your from your goal of robbing us. $10 that EP says something about the dog's dong.


Next, we head into the kitchen. You caught it on a good day because it's halfway clean right now. I may or may not have cleaned up a little just for this. I'll leave that a mystery. It's not really an Alfred Hitchcock type mystery, but oh well. Apparently cmk saw the "Ain't Life Just Grape" sign and couldn't pass that up either. ISWTSMDT


Moving on, we head from the kitchen into the living room, where cmk is sleeping. I was really hoping that the camera flash wouldn't wake her up, because she would wonder WFT I was doing. So thankfully she's a sound sleeper. This is where I LoV at when I'm at home. In case you care, which you probably don't. I busted the TV out of my mom's storage just for this.


And we move on to the guest bedroom. Some things that you'll see are missing are a bedskirt and there are no homeless children in there. We have a bedskirt somewhere, probably in a box in the garage. Good thing I don't need to impress women anymore because this room would need a lot of work done to it. If any of yous come out to the PHX, you can stay in there. You just can't let cmk see you.


I'd like to say this next room is where all the magic happens, but you all know I'm married so you know I'd be lying. The room's pretty plain, but only because we're renting. But that bed is the most comfortable fucking mattress I've erve* had. Seriously, yo, Costco doesn't fuck around with their shit. I was gonna put the comforter on there so it would look decent, but it's 105° and I don't want to waste time putting that on and taking it off.


Here's our closet. I have about 37% of the closet for my shit. If you look closely, you can see the green monster on the left. And there are also too many goddman purses on the shelf. I think that's about half of what she has, it's redonk. Luckily she buys mostly knock-offs, so at least there aren't $500 bags sitting up there not being used.


Want some shoes? Fucking ridiculous. And there's one shelf that's above the picture that has just boots on it. My guess is that there are probably about 100 pairs of shoes in all. And on top of that, there's a Bears hat sitting there. This is my least favorite part of the house.


Here is my office. It's small, quiet, and private. Everything a man needs to channel his inner mize. The basket of reading material is a nice touch. I don't know how long those candles have been in there because they weren't there for the first month, and I just noticed them when I was taking this picture.


Here's the rest of the master bath. It's pretty fucking plain. And it's carpet. I hate carpet in the bathroom. Whoever builds a house and puts carpet in the bathroom is a goddman retard.


And finally, here is the back yard. Some of the grass is dying because the dogs dug up 2 of the sprinkler heads and broke them off, so water was draining everywhere and I had to shut off that part of the system until I get that fized*. So far, the dogs have dug up the 2 sprinkler heads, 2 drip system pipes, and dug a huge hole in the grass. Hopefully my landlord doesn't read this.


And here's the fridge, for EP.



So there you have it. That is the as. pad. I hope you all enjoyed the first episode of LoV Cribs. But now you gotta get the hell out.

562 comments:

1 – 200 of 562   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Nice job keith. ns

Cmk's shoe collection pic was good to see, cause fmbeth is always bitching about my shoes. (I have a tank top a friend of mine once gave me as a joke that says "Will strip for shoes" on it.)

Beth said...

I think after this week of cribs we should do guest posts so everyone gets a chance.

El Padrino said...

wow, where to start

El Padrino said...

so as.'s house is bigger than el pads but i'm the rich one...

El Padrino said...

whosever idea this was i applaud you

El Padrino said...

cant wait to see t's TV

Beth said...

And I can't wait to see tem's bedskirt.

Beth said...

"so as.'s house is bigger than el pads but i'm the rich one..."

But yours is in NY so it's automatically the better.

El Padrino said...

"But yours is in NY so it's automatically the better."

true, just sayin

El Padrino said...

no bedskirt in the master bedroom is shocking

cmep would have none of it!

Beth said...

Besides EP, size isn't everything...

El Padrino said...

keef one tv?

shocking

El Padrino said...

"Besides EP, size isn't everything..."

see meiz, it's all good playa

El Padrino said...

nice kitchen

ns

i would love that kind of space, the island is lovely

El Padrino said...

and what is that black thing, a coffemaker or an espresso machine

El Padrino said...

the gray dog looks sick
do you feed it?

El Padrino said...

what's with the cages

your mean, you dont feed your dogs, you lock them up and you cut thier balls off

keefela deville

El Padrino said...

i like the high headboard, mine is only halfway and i like to hold on to it whilst i bang at times

El Padrino said...

carpeted bathrooms, i've never fucking heard of this

i'm glad you hate it, sounds like a weetodddid idea

tem said...

carpet in the bathroom is dumb.

tem said...

i think i will have to buy a camera just to do tem cribs. I don't want to take all the pictures on my phone.

El Padrino said...

no camera, borrow one

tem said...

i'll ask around the office and see if anyone brought one to work today.

El Padrino said...

tem, do you not have a friend with a camera?

tem said...

probably but i am too meizy to go to their place and pick it up.

El Padrino said...

wow

Blueshon said...

that was enlightening..i enjoyed it

Blueshon said...

that was enlightening..i enjoyed it

El Padrino said...

i really cant believe you did this whole cribs thing and didnt show us the inside of the fridge

it's a cribs staple dum dum

Blueshon said...

i can't wait for freak's "cribs post" where he keeps saying, "this is my mom's stuff"..."this is where i keep my socks"

it would be great.

Beth said...

Tem, when you do yours we definitely need a pic of the tv where exfmtem's engagement ring sat for months.

tem said...

"Tem, when you do yours we definitely need a pic of the tv where exfmtem's engagement ring sat for months."


it sat on a dresser/bookshelve thing. that thing is still at exfemtem's house.

Beth said...

I'm sure she won't mind if you stop by to take a picture of it if you explain why you need it.

Steve said...

"I'm sure she won't mind if you stop by to take a picture of it if you explain why you need it."


not at all, and she might throw ya a quickie.

for old times sake.

Steve said...

nice pad, Keith.


"so as.'s house is bigger than el pads but i'm the rich one..."


1,000 a month or so goes much further in AZ then it does in NYC

Blueshon said...

keith just has to worry that his house isn't going into foreclosure while he's living in it.

El Padrino said...

"1,000 a month or so goes much further in AZ then it does in NYC"

smartest thing you ever said

El Padrino said...

and i pay $1200

tem said...

"I'm sure she won't mind if you stop by to take a picture of it if you explain why you need it."


that's odd. i'm sure she would.

tem said...

"smartest thing you ever said"

and it still had a fucking then/than mistake.

Steve said...

Sweet!!!

Blueshon said...

big baby made a shot or something

tem said...

did boston play?

El Padrino said...

looked like a runaway pig after he made that shot

like a giant spotted pig or something

tem said...

mavs game ending was interesting.

tem said...

i did like how big baby almost crushed that fan when he ran around the official after the shot.

Blueshon said...

"mavs game ending was interesting."


where amazing happens

tem said...

i liked how cuban pushed a cameraman for no real reason.

El Padrino said...

thought this interesting, gonna get a rile out of zeke for sure

El Padrino said...

"mavs game ending was interesting."

i guess i'm in the minority here but what's the big deal, if you want to intentional foul wrap up

Blueshon said...

"i guess i'm in the minority here but what's the big deal, if you want to intentional foul wrap up"

i agree whole heartedly

the fool put his hands up like "i didn't touch him", so did the coaches, they all held their hands up like "no foul"...that's not how you act if you're trying to foul the dude intentionally.

Blueshon said...

and if you watch the replay, he bumped him a little with the body, but he completely whiffed on hitting his arms or the ball

El Padrino said...

baba bouey throws out first pitch, entertaining

El Padrino said...

"if you watch the replay, he bumped him a little with the body, but he completely whiffed on hitting his arms or the ball"

jermaine wright is a scrub

Blueshon said...

especially since his name is antoine wright

Blueshon said...

beth, how was the game on saturday night?

Beth said...

The game was very cool, although it was very clear that the Cavs are better, obviously because of Lebron. He's amazing to see in person.

But I was disappointed in the Hawks crowd, I've heard more noise during a regular season thrashers game (if you take the entire game into account).

Blueshon said...

WFT happened to the lakers yesterday...talk about getting bitch slapped

tem said...

"i guess i'm in the minority here but what's the big deal, if you want to intentional foul wrap up"


troof, but the reactions from the mavs players, coaches and owner was interesting.

tem said...

"WFT happened to the lakers yesterday...talk about getting bitch slapped"


they thought the Rockets would roll over and die without their Asian man.

El Padrino said...

yao is so fragile

tem said...

and aaron brooks went off.

not sure he does that ever again.

tem said...

7' + people are usually fragile.

Blueshon said...

tallest woman in the world is also named Yao

Blueshon said...

if the rockets win the Nba championships, imagine the ewing theory applications

El Padrino said...

macgrady would off himself

Blueshon said...

mcgrady still gets a ring though right?

El Padrino said...

I NEED A DAMN HAIRCUT

El Padrino said...

"mcgrady still gets a ring though right?"

of course

El Padrino said...

really dont get what the big deal is with organic foods, i dont believe

El Padrino said...

i'm going to reasearch this

tem said...

mcgrady gets a huge ring and an invitation to sit the bench next year too.

tem said...

in biblical times people lived to be 200yrs plus. because the water was pure and the food was organic.


now that the water isn't pure and the food is not organic people don't live as long.

Blueshon said...

mcgrady was rumored to be on the block last summer, the nuggets had conversations about getting him for Iverson...

I think the deal they made worked out better.

El Padrino said...

oh it's just some hippie bullshit

after further review organic food is no different and is a crock of shit

tem said...

5 mins of research and el pad knows organic food.

tem said...

billups > mcgrady

tem said...

re: softball jerseys


one guy wanted "Rev" on the back of his jersey.

he must have figured out my plan to just put LOV members names on there.

tem said...

aaron brooks looks like chris rock.

El Padrino said...

"5 mins of research and el pad knows organic food."

blessed be

Blueshon said...

is there a "blue" on your team?

tem said...

nobody has chosen to be blue.

Blueshon said...

that's sad...if i lived in ohio (AHIIK), i'd play on your softball team.

Blueshon said...

nobody chooses to be blue, blue chooses you

tem said...

you could play on the team.

Meiz said...

Fancy fish tank

Blueshon said...

i'm good at being fake drunk

tem said...

you could take my place on one team.


i am actually 0 for my last 10 on that team.

don't know what the fuck is wrong. keep popping it up.

play well on the other teams, just not that one.

woe.

tem said...

"i'm good at being fake drunk"

i don't see how this helps in softball, but it can't hurt.

Blueshon said...

i don't see how it can't help

El Padrino said...

thought this wii commercial was hilarious

Blueshon said...

damn that king hippo


i'd have much rather had them continue to use Mike Tyson...that would have been fun

Meiz said...

She's got like 15 pairs of flip-flops. W. T. F.

tem said...

it was moderately funny.

tem said...

nfw is king hippo the end game fight.

Keith S said...

"no bedskirt in the master bedroom is shocking"


The frame is on the floor

Keith S said...

"keef one tv?

shocking"

Also have one in the bedroom, but wasn't in the pic

Keith S said...

"and what is that black thing, a coffemaker or an espresso machine"

In the corner? A coffeemaker

El Padrino said...

thanks

tem said...

"Also have one in the bedroom, but wasn't in the pic"

on the ceiling?

Keith S said...

"the gray dog looks sick
do you feed it?


1) He's a puppy so he hasn't filled out yet

2) It's how they're s'posed to look. They're hunting dogs

Keith S said...

"what's with the cages"

Dogs in cages >>>> than getting home to a to' up house

El Padrino said...

"It's how they're s'posed to look. They're hunting dogs"

ah, tem you should get one, can hunt beaver with them

Keith S said...

"I think after this week of cribs we should do guest posts so everyone gets a chance."

That's what I was hoping


ns

tem said...

i don't have a yard.

no yard = no dog.

Keith S said...

"i really cant believe you did this whole cribs thing and didnt show us the inside of the fridge"

I was gonna do that but it was about midnight and I really didn't want to wake up cmk. I just added the fridge pic, though.

Keith S said...

"1,000 a month or so goes much further in AZ then it does in NYC"

TRUTH

El Padrino said...

wow, you like milk huh

tem said...

tem fridge pic is going to be hilarity.

it's basically empty.

El Padrino said...

country crock

little disappointed

Meiz said...

"i really cant believe you did this whole cribs thing and didnt show us the inside of the fridge"


I was expecting a photo of Keith opening to door to the fridge.

spaceman spiff said...

"WFT happened to the lakers yesterday...talk about getting bitch slapped"

dfish was no longer suspended. he played 20 minutes, lakers were -26 with him on the floor, awesome. other players had large -'s too, but fisher is really awful now, no D, no 3's, useless

tem said...

lunch time

Meiz said...

"really dont get what the big deal is with organic foods, i dont believe"


Organic shit is BS. I've said this before.

Keith S said...

"on the ceiling?"

Sure

Keith S said...

"wow, you like milk huh"

It does a body good

Keith S said...

"I was expecting a photo of Keith opening to door to the fridge."

That would have required a 2nd person

spaceman spiff said...

"after further review organic food is no different and is a crock of shit"

negative, it is different. it's more expensive, and produce is smaller in size

spaceman spiff said...

"That would have required a 2nd person"

that would have required someone who knows how to use a camera, theres a timer option

Keith S said...

"that would have required someone who knows how to use a camera, theres a timer option"

Or that

El Padrino said...

serious what's what all the milk
you got some cats in the closet or something

Keith S said...

The gallon on top is < than half full. The 2 on the 2nd shelf are because we went to Costco on Saturday

Keith S said...

I'm shocked but not surprised that the food snob would be upset with stuff in my fridge

El Padrino said...

i am not upset over anything but the country crock

everything else is ok with me

Keith S said...

country crock is merely because of the price

El Padrino said...

butter is cheaper

what am i missing?

Beth said...

Does it really bother you that much EP?

El Padrino said...

nah, just nothing else to talk about

El Padrino said...

beth when it's your turn make sure we get the panty draw picture

Blueshon said...

country crock spreads nice and easy

Blueshon said...

like beth


WADR

Keith S said...

"butter is cheaper

what am i missing?"


You talking about bars?

Keith S said...

"butter is cheaper

what am i missing?"


You talking about bars?

El Padrino said...

yeah bars, whipped butter too no?
how much is the crock?

on sale whipped butter can be $1.99
bars can be 4 bars for $2.50 sometimes 2 for $4.00

El Padrino said...

fucking terrible news

Keith S said...

I don't like buying the bars cuz they're too hard

twss

El Padrino said...

wow kelly clarkson is realllly fat

spaceman spiff said...

thanks and regards to keef and blue's teams for allowing me to reach first place in both leagues

Keith S said...

Stay classy, Mark Cuban

Keith S said...

My keeper team is the worse

Tyler said...

Greatest. Post. Ever.

isiah thompson said...

thought this interesting, gonna get a rile out of zeke for sure


just skimmed this, and while I don't like Rush Limbaugh, if he said the things that Syke* said, he'd be put out of yob.

isiah thompson said...

twas a great post, nice work keef.

Tyler said...

I'm going to join EP in saying that I've never heard of carpet in the bathroom. That joust* sounds like a bad idear. Like what happens when the toilet overflows? It smells for a month is what happens.

Meiz said...

I have seen many a carpeted bathroom.

Tyler said...

BTW - I loved playing Joust on the Atari 2600 back in the day.

Blueshon said...

our house had carpeted bathrooms...blue fixed that real quick...carpet in the bathrooms is lame

El Padrino said...

it's just silly, whose idea was it for carpeted baf-rooms

spaceman spiff said...

I have those raviolis and chimichangas from costco in my freezer as well

spaceman spiff said...

"Like what happens when the toilet overflows? It smells for a month is what happens."

also, the splash factor will just build up in carpet, that would be gross

isiah thompson said...

Lamar Odom getting a MRI on his back.

he may need a back-e-otomy

Tyler said...

"he may need a back-e-otomy"

Is that what his doctor said?

isiah thompson said...

his doctor said "abracadabra"

Tyler said...

God, if you listenin', HELP!

Tyler said...

I'm impotent, man! Get away from me, biatch!

Tyler said...

He had sex with my momma! Why?!?!

El Padrino said...

bro, i just realized your living room wall is painted the color of that green shirt you rock all the time

hahahahahahahaahahaa

isiah thompson said...

He had sex with my momma!

funniest line of that scene.

El Padrino said...

i might do the cribs friday but a videyo

spaceman spiff said...

"i might do the cribs friday but a videyo"

dont try to be different, snob

El Padrino said...

I had sex with my Mom when she was asleep. - Is It Normal? - http ...


google search

isiah thompson said...

found out this weekend that fmz's parents got suns seasons tix now.

too bad the team will suck next season and they're upper deck.

free tix though

El Padrino said...

"dont try to be different, snob"

thought it'd be hdh

fuck you then

spaceman spiff said...

if you do a video i will balance you out by doing mine with mspaint

El Padrino said...

::blank stare::

El Padrino said...

you know when you bring in lunch but dont want it but end up talking yourself into eating it to save money

isiah thompson said...

and i pay $1200

do you rent or own in the BX?

isiah thompson said...

I bring my lunch everyday.

tem said...

tem never brings lunch

El Padrino said...

"do you rent or own in the BX?"

rent, brooklyn

El Padrino said...

"I bring my lunch everyday."

i try to, but today i have just plain ol' grilled chicken with some rice pilaf

just not in the mood for that shit right now

isiah thompson said...

in the streets we call it the BX

isiah thompson said...

just not in the mood for that shit right now

throw a little gravy on it, maybe melt some parm and BAM! - chicken parm.

El Padrino said...

"throw a little gravy on it, maybe melt some parm and BAM! - chicken parm."

not home

spaceman spiff said...

"just not in the mood for that shit right now"

just throw some hot sauce on it, itll taste exactly like that steak you had

El Padrino said...

the bx is the bronx

El Padrino said...

"just throw some hot sauce on it, itll taste exactly like that steak you had"

i'm not going over this again

isiah thompson said...

thanks and regards to keef and blue's teams for allowing me to reach first place in both leagues


Corey Hart's Noodle Arm helped with this, smacking down the All-Stars (former 1st place All-Stars)

isiah thompson said...

the bx is the bronx

whoops

I need to brush up on my Caput Mundi street talk.

Meiz said...

I never bring my lunch, most of the time I'll get a pound of ham, some rolls, and 8 slices of cheese from the grocery store next door. Gives me 4 meals. Right now, I have left over chicken fried rice. That usually lasts 3 days.

isiah thompson said...

$1200/mo in brooklyn still sounds like a good deal.

isiah thompson said...

not home


go to the nearest pizza place and ax for a small to go cup of gravy and some parm packs.

done and done

isiah thompson said...

I figured you'd have an emergency bottle of Ragu next to the rum bottle in the bottom left drawer.

Jugdish said...

$1200/mo in brooklyn still sounds like a good deal.



not when ep will be able to stand in one place and take pictures of all his rooms by simply turning around

Jugdish said...

keef, nice work.

did you hide the OG leftovers in your fridge behind the country crock?

Keith S said...

"I'm going to join EP in saying that I've never heard of carpet in the bathroom. That joust* sounds like a bad idear. Like what happens when the toilet overflows? It smells for a month is what happens."

in ours, the terlet* has its own little room with a door, and there's tile in there. The rest of the bathroom is carpeted

tem said...

good chauncey article on wwl

Keith S said...

"just throw some hot sauce on it, itll taste exactly like that steak you had"

hilarity

Keith S said...

"did you hide the OG leftovers in your fridge behind the country crock?"

OG leftovers don't last more than a day. Those are like gold

isiah thompson said...

I put some hot sauce on my eggs benedict yesterday, it didn't suck.

Keith S said...

"bro, i just realized your living room wall is painted the color of that green shirt you rock all the time"

Do they not have green paint in Caput Mundi?

isiah thompson said...

Do they not have green paint in Caput Mundi?


only "hunnit dolla bill" green

Meiz said...

wall

El Padrino said...

"$1200/mo in brooklyn still sounds like a good deal."

it's aight i guess

El Padrino said...

"Do they not have green paint in Caput Mundi?"

not weathered neon green

El Padrino said...

"MTA approves $2.25 single ride fare"

cocksuckers

tem said...

is that good or bad?

isiah thompson said...

Rome is incessantly playing one of those uber annoying sound effects. I'd like to punch him in the face right now.

isiah thompson said...

block

isiah thompson said...

block

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino