Monday, May 04, 2009

I'm old as bleu now

Birthdays suck now. I don't like them, I don't want any more of them, and I don't like people going crazy over them. But what I do like is getting shitty on someone else's dime, which is what happened tonight. So due to that, my LoV Cribs episode will be pushed back until next week. No excuses for next week, though. If I don't have it then...well, it'll be pushed back another week.

Once again, I saw very little sports this weekend. I saw a giant underdog won the Kentucky Derby. Tem had to be happy about that. Underdog should never be out of the spotlight for more than 2-3 years. And when he comes back as giant underdog...well, everybody wins.

Pacquiao destroyed Hatton. I saw the vid-yo on YouTube. I think Hatton is still sleeping. If they would have had a Matthew Stafford look alike contest right after that fight...well, Hatton would have been carried away on a stretcher with the trophy.

I saw a few minutes of golf in the afternoon. Tiger choked. I'm tired of hearing people say other people choke when they do bad, but if Tiger sucks he's just having an off day. He drove the green on a short par-4, ran his eagle putt 5 feet past the hole, then ran his birdie putt 7 feet past the hole, and had to scramble to get par. Then he pars an easy par-5 15th hole. Tiger sucked, Tiger choked...well, Tiger blew it.

Camping was fun this weekend. I mentioned this on LoVWE but it was the csil show all weekend. Not good times. But there were moments where there was some female nudity, so that was alright. And one of my buddies stuck some tongs in the fire and then branded cmk's as. with them, on a dare, which was hilarity. But if our next camping trip ends up being just the guys...well, I'd be alright with that. And totally not in a gay way. But rather in a "I don't want to hear one Britney Spears lyric the whole weekend" way.

Now if you think this is the end of the post and it's time to start talking nonsense...well, you would be right. Go comment.

444 comments:

1 – 200 of 444   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Totally agree about Tiger and I think I made the same point after this year's Masters.

He's obviously an AMAZING golfer, probably the best of all time in my opinion, but he still has times he doesn't do well under the pressure, which for anyone else would be called choking.

tem said...

beth knows choking

tem said...

no tem cribs tomorrow since as. didn't do as. cribs today.

El Padrino said...

supe called out with the flu

hilarity

El Padrino said...

you let someone brand your wife's ass?

Steve said...

a question worth repeating:

you let someone brand your wife's ass?

Beth said...

Yeah, that was my question too when I read that.

El Padrino said...

everytime tiger doesnt win he chokes

been saying this for years now

tem said...

saw two asian people in the supermarket yesterday, they were both wearing masks.

Beth said...

What's cmk doing showing her bare ass around the campfire anyway?

tem said...

"Yeah, that was my question too when I read that."

also thought the same thing.

Steve said...

"What's cmk doing showing her bare ass around the campfire anyway?"

naked chicks. ass branding. this sounds more like an orgy than it does a camping trip.

Beth said...

naked chicks. ass branding. this sounds more like a fraternity initiation than it does a camping trip.

*fixed

El Padrino said...

i wonder if there were any keef sanchez's thrown around

tem said...

"What's cmk doing showing her bare ass around the campfire anyway?"


as. and friends seems to have lots of female bare ass around. hsil showed her ass last week or so. i am sure csil has shown stuff....seems to be common place.

tem said...

by the by he never really says branded her bare ass.

tem said...

so maybe we should put the mats away.

Blueshon said...

maybe they are nudists

Beth said...

Maybe keith has tjw syndrome and he's really sitting around playing xbox all weekend but wants to tell some good stories...

Beth said...

Can you brand clothed ass?

Blueshon said...

i like that he had to stipulate that it was "female nudity"

El Padrino said...

"But there were moments where there was some female nudity, so that was alright. And one of my buddies stuck some tongs in the fire and then branded cmk's as. with them, on a dare, which was hilarity."

sounds like bare ass to me

Mats are staying out.

tem said...

"Can you brand clothed ass?"

i guess

Blueshon said...

saw forgetting sarah marshall this weekend for the first time.

EP would like that movie, lots of dong

tem said...

i saw wolverine this weekend.

it was ok.

Blueshon said...

"Can you brand clothed ass?"


this is the same guy who gave us the keith sanchez....so anything is possible.

Beth said...

"this is the same guy who gave us the keith sanchez....so anything is possible"

Very good point blue, for Keith "branding" could be touching cmk's clothed butt with slightly warm tongs.

El Padrino said...

"Very good point blue, for Keith "branding" could be touching cmk's clothed butt with slightly warm tongs."

double good point, anything is in play after the sanchez story

Beth said...

Hell, "camping" may have just been a picnic table, grill and lounge chairs in the backyard.

(I'm expecting a hearty "fuck all of you" from keith now after he signs on.)

Blueshon said...

the guy who owns mine that bird was kind of a dick

Blueshon said...

that horse was fast though, the overhead shot showing it coming from the back of the pack was cool

tem said...

why wouldn't they run that horse at the next race?

tem said...

basically they are saying, "yeah this horse got lucky and has no chance at a triple crown."

Blueshon said...

because they are dum

Blueshon said...

i guess the next race is really long, and some horses don't like to run on grass

El Padrino said...

they better milk this shit

Keith S said...

"you let someone brand your wife's ass?"

Afraid to admit this, but we were playing truth or dare. I'll give you 1 guess as to whose idear it was

El Padrino said...

preakness is the shortest race, the belmont is the long one

Blueshon said...

and it took 30 hours to drive it from New Mexico to Kentucky, i can only imagine that it would take 50 hours to get to Baltimore or NY whereve the next one is.

Blueshon said...

and the owner was a crotchedy man with a broken leg, so he says "fuck you" to horse racing.

Keith S said...

"i wonder if there were any keef sanchez's thrown around"

One dude snuck away with hsil into the RV for about 30 minutes. When he came out, he sanchezed one of the other dudes there.

El Padrino said...

"Afraid to admit this, but we were playing truth or dare. I'll give you 1 guess as to whose idear it was"

so what, all bets are off when your wife's ass is about to get branded

Keith S said...

"i like that he had to stipulate that it was "female nudity""

That was not an accident

Blueshon said...

you have an RV? what are you like 70?

Keith S said...

"so what, all bets are off when your wife's ass is about to get branded"

It's not like she dropped trou and he stuck the tongs up her as. She folded down the waistband and he barely touched them to her. But I saw last night that it left 2 red lines.

Keith S said...

"you have an RV? what are you like 70?"

No, I have a tent. Someone else that went had an RV.

Steve said...

"what are you like 70?"

70 year olds don't play truth or dare.

jr high kids do, it must have been his dads.

tem said...

"One dude snuck away with hsil into the RV for about 30 minutes. "

yeah and she is still a virgin.

tem said...

"I'll give you 1 guess as to whose idear it was"

yours?

Keith S said...

"yeah and she is still a virgin."

He came out and we asked him what happened. He said "heavy petting". So yeah, she's just a tease

Keith S said...

"yours?"

Negative. Someone crazier

tem said...

"i like that he had to stipulate that it was "female nudity""


he should have to stipulate non csil female nudity.

tem said...

"Negative. Someone crazier"

damn and i used up my alotted guess already.

tem said...

"heavy petting"

this is code for "i just fucked your sister in law."

Keith S said...

"this is code for "i just fucked your sister in law.""

Hey, good for him if he did. But there's 100% chance that he didn't.

tem said...

that's a high chance.

Keith S said...

A pregnant British woman facing possible execution in Laos will go on trial this week, the country's Foreign Affairs Ministry said today. Samantha Orobator "is facing death by firing squad for drug trafficking"



Whoa

El Padrino said...

man nothing is worse than a cocktease in the woods

Blueshon said...

don't fuck around in Laos

tem said...

that British chick got knocked up whilst in prison.

tem said...

bam, wall.

Blueshon said...

temeril

tem said...

ISWYDT

Blueshon said...

yeah, i'm clever

tem said...

so you say

tem said...

i've worked on enough TPS this morning.

Keith S said...

"El Padrino said...

man arod got issues

did he have a daddy?"




Journalist Selena Roberts makes the case that Alex Rodriguez likely used steroids in high school and may have taken HGH while with the Yankees in her new biography of the MVP, a portrait of a deeply insecure man trying to cope with being abandoned by his father and obsessed with becoming a superstar.

Keith S said...

Nope, no dad

El Padrino said...

wow i should be a pshychologist

Blueshon said...

the steroid use in hs accusation is laughable.

she based it on the fact he gained 20lbs in a year and went from benching 115 to 305.


I gained 20lbs or so from soph to junior year, also grew 3 inches..also went from benching 125 to 225.

so none of those seem unreasonable to me.

Keith S said...

So blue used steroids in hike school. Got it

El Padrino said...

hilarious

tem said...

blue uses them now.

El Padrino said...

the arms exploded guy is fucking nasty

tem said...

that sounds gross

Blueshon said...

that arms guy is crazy

tem said...

i'm glad i have no clue what you are talking about.

El Padrino said...

heat/hawk had to be the worst series that ever went to game 7

not one of those games were even remotely good

tem said...

they had to be bad to balance out chi vs boston

tem said...

lunch time.

Beth said...

"heat/hawk had to be the worst series that ever went to game 7"

The end result was suite*, that's all that matters.

Beth said...

Of course now the Hawks are going to lose to Cleveland in 5 games is my prediction.

Blueshon said...

dwayne wade has a shitty team

Keith S said...

"Of course now the Hawks are going to lose to Cleveland in 5 games is my prediction."

good reverse jinx

Keith S said...

I was watching that Rock of Daisy show last night. She's really smrt*

El Padrino said...

that steve-o doc was hardcore

El Padrino said...

and em's 3am song/video was also a bit over the edge

Keith S said...

"and em's 3am song/video was also a bit over the edge"

Just watched that. Goddman!

Meiz said...

I see no problem with the branding. She's an adult, and can make her own decisions.

spaceman spiff said...

thanks for that input

El Padrino said...

"I see no problem with the branding. She's an adult, and can make her own decisions."

that's keef's as now, he and only he should be allowed to brand it, preferably with his initials

Keith S said...

amazingly enough, my initials has as. in it

Keith S said...

Remember when we used to have weekly power rankings? That was fun

Keith S said...

Apparently blue finds more joy in firing people than doing power rankings

spaceman spiff said...

of course and the team you root for has as. in it, meant to

spaceman spiff said...

*meant to be

Keith S said...

I love as.

tem said...

those were the good ole days

spaceman spiff said...

power rankings were suite

Steve said...

Ney York has the smartest kids.

isiah thompson said...

I'm tired of hearing people say other people choke when they do bad, but if Tiger sucks he's just having an off day.

what's the "choke ratio" for Tiger though, compared to other golfers?

isiah thompson said...

LebronVP

Meiz said...

Tiger gets "choke" free passes from me.

El Padrino said...

because you swallow him

isiah thompson said...

peeped game on Frost/Nixon, very solid.

Nixon guy was incredible.

isiah thompson said...

this is code for "i just fucked your sister in law."


*nodding

El Padrino said...

i'm not sure i believe the virgin thing myself

Steve said...

what is she 21? 22?

spaceman spiff said...

technical virgin, back door entry, no bouncer back there

isiah thompson said...

technical virgin, back door entry, no bouncer back there

I was wondering if she was giving up the duke hole asswell*.

Blueshon said...

she's the sluttiest version i've ever heard of

Blueshon said...

power rankings are over there if you want to read them.


or not

Keith S said...

Go away

Keith S said...

"i'm not sure i believe the virgin thing myself"

I know what you mean. But I know that she tells her sisters everything, and if cmk knew about it she'd tell me right away because she can't keep a secret for more than 30 seconds

Meiz said...

I'm enjoying ElTardo's twitter feed.

/sportsguy33

spaceman spiff said...

"I know what you mean. But I know that she tells her sisters everything"

true dat

Keith S said...

you're a twit

isiah thompson said...

just took a piss and the bathroom was done blow'd up just before I got in there.

dood - hit it with some air freshener mayne.

El Padrino said...

today blows

El Padrino said...

mine that bird runnin....btw

El Padrino said...

You know what it's like to wake up in the middle of the night with a vivid dream? And you know how, if you don't have a pencil and pad by the bed to write it down, it will be completely gone the next morning?

Well, I had one of those dreams when I was 23. When I suddenly woke up, I was thinking: what if we could download the whole web, and just keep the links and... I grabbed a pen and started writing! Sometimes it is important to wake up and stop dreaming. I spent the middle of that night scribbling out the details and convincing myself it would work. Soon after, I told my advisor, Terry Winograd, it would take a couple of weeks to download the web -- he nodded knowingly, fully aware it would take much longer but wise enough to not tell me. The optimism of youth is often underrated! Amazingly, I had no thought of building a search engine. The idea wasn't even on the radar. But, much later we happened upon a better way of ranking webpages to make a really great search engine, and Google was born. When a really great dream shows up, grab it!

El Padrino said...

-Larry Page, Google Co-Founder gave the commencement speech at U of M

El Padrino said...

it's entirety, actually a decent read

Keith S said...

I wish I knew if Dye is gonna miss some games this week

Meiz said...

new lady's whooping cough is annoying and disgusting. Go the fuck home.

Keith S said...

mize is gonna have pig flu

Meiz said...

Just hacking away, hogging up one of the computers, and one of the newspapers. I feel terrible for the Asian kid. Although, he is properly boycotting doing any work.

Meiz said...

Just literally had a foreigner say to me, "Me no speaka de english".


And he finished up the transaction with a "Sank you berry much".



Fantastic

Keith S said...

spiff is in Mequon. Suite

Meiz said...

Exciting day

isiah thompson said...

I feel terrible for the Asian kid.

Cho.

beware.

isiah thompson said...

-Larry Page, Google Co-Founder gave the commencement speech at U of M

how old is this guy?

Beth said...

Suite, just found out the fiance has a decent chance at getting game 3 tix to the Hawks-Cavs series (the 1st Atl game).

Wonder how easy it would be to get Lebron to impregnate me...

El Padrino said...

"how old is this guy?"

30's?

El Padrino said...

"Wonder how easy it would be to get Lebron to impregnate me..."

groupie sex

nice

El Padrino said...

zeke build a turd

Beth said...

groupie sex = retirement plan

El Padrino said...

401-K, Y Jelly

isiah thompson said...

Thanks Osama!

JFreak said...

Pizower Rizankings

Blueshon said...

good job freak

spaceman spiff said...

suite

spaceman spiff said...

wrong but suite i guess

El Padrino said...

thanks freak

spaceman spiff said...

era and whip are backwards, freak is probly in first place, not keef

JFreak said...

Ooops.

Bad excel.

JFreak said...

Lemme figure out how to fix it.

spaceman spiff said...

i will have a nice bump up too, my pitching has been suite

JFreak said...

Best part is that EP got 10 in both of those since it was wrong and he's still in last.

spaceman spiff said...

thats not EP, i tyhink that blue

El Padrino said...

is that really the best part?

El Padrino said...

fool

El Padrino said...

i'm gonna murder you this week freak

straight up homicide

spaceman spiff said...

doubt it

JFreak said...

Darn, I was hoping that was EP.

Oh well.

Blueshon said...

i'm in last place.

i suck ballz

spaceman spiff said...

blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-autodraft

El Padrino said...

"AP INVESTIGATES: Obamas take a walk, holding hands in the evening..."

jesus christ

JFreak said...

Alright, it's fixed.

spaceman spiff said...

imagine blue's team without carl crawford

JFreak said...

I'm leading in 6 categories.

That can't continue.

tem said...

re: power rankings


maybe my team isn't the worse*

Meiz said...

I'm just happy to not have a terrible team

Meiz said...

Yao gets more PTS & Boards than PTS scored by Kobe tonight, right?

JFreak said...

How is Blue 7th in the actual standings?

Keith S said...

Wow, good work today. ETEO

spaceman spiff said...

"Yao gets more PTS & Boards than PTS scored by Kobe tonight, right?"

yao 20 and 10, maybe less with foul trouble. ron-ron talks trash and kobe scores 35, you lose. best part will be kobe only having 12 points going into the 4th quarter, and you cursing every bucket from then on

thats my pro lakers analysis

spaceman spiff said...

"Wow, good work today. ETEO"

no kueef* video, letdown. morale is low

Keith S said...

"blame it on the a-a-a-a-a-autodraft"

made me laugh

Keith S said...

"no kueef* video, letdown. morale is low"

Yeah, that was my bad. I was disappointed, too.

ns

Meiz said...

"thats my pro lakers analysis"


I'm staying away from all the bets for today

spaceman spiff said...

yao avg 26 pts+reb for the season series, kobe avg 28 pts

Keith S said...

Nice job on the PR, freak. Even though the only reason you did it is because you were in 1st.

JFreak said...

"Even though the only reason you did it is because you were in 1st."

Yeah, no.

Keith S said...

"You missed the part where excel miscalculated and had you in first."

You're in first in the league. Obviously you didn't know ahead of time that you would be 1st, 2nd... in the power rankings

Keith S said...

eraser

tem said...

maybe he did know.

Keith S said...

it's possible

isiah thompson said...

I don't think freak is calculating the PR correctly.

just looked at the "R" category, maybe I'm looking at this incorrectly but :

three teams tied with 122 should get 4's instead of 2's?

isiah thompson said...

yeah they should get 4's instead of 2, the rest is probably fucked up asswell*

Keith S said...

"three teams tied with 122 should get 4's instead of 2's?"

They should get 3s

Keith S said...

2, 3, 4, take the average

JFreak said...

That's how excel ranks it.

I'm not going to make my own formula just for this.

Keith S said...

It's not your own formula. It's called an average

isiah thompson said...

if this was golf and you had

player 1 -10 (1)
player 2 -9 (2)
player 3 -8 (3)
player 4 -7 (4)
player 5 -6 (5)
player 6 -5 (6)
player 7 -4 (7)
player 8 -4 (7)
player 9 -4 (7)
player 10 -3 (10)


() = finish or pts in our case

Keith S said...

And it's nothing like Steve's law of averages

isiah thompson said...

2, 3, 4, take the average

that penalizes them

JFreak said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
isiah thompson said...

YES!

Keith S said...

"if this was golf and you had"

We're talking about beisbol


s

isiah thompson said...

people bitches when I did the PR, deal with it.

spaceman spiff said...

"if this was golf and you had"

looks like freaks system counts from worst to best, tahst why some categories dont have a '10'

spaceman spiff said...

same result

Keith S said...

"that penalizes them"

Then they should have done better

Meiz said...

Paging blueshon, blueshon, you're needed in the lobby

spaceman spiff said...

nvm my previous statements, if that was the case 'runs' wouldnt have a 10 either, dont know what the system is

spaceman spiff said...

im concussed

isiah thompson said...

freak how did you do these, bottom to top, top to bottom, etc?

JFreak said...

=RANK(B5,B5:B14,1)

JFreak said...

1 at the end does top to bottom, 0 does bottom to top for era and whip.

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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino