Monday, April 20, 2009

Happy Operation: Fuck Boston Day

I am awful on Centsports. I think I'm averaging about 20% correct at this point. I should stop trying the 4 & 5 teamers to try and win big, and focus on the baby steps. I really should be better at handling my fake money. No wonder why I'm in debt. Woe.

SUBWAY - All Day Saturday, April 25, 2009. Buy one, get one free. Buy a regular footlong sub and get another of equal or lesser price free. DET

Give this motherfucker the chair

Some Boston Marathon race or something today. I bet a Kenyan or Ethiopian wins it, with or without shoes.

Mize said he has to be rich to move from 'sconsin to AZ, even though he has nothing to move. Pecosian logic nerve* ceases to amaze me.

I think I could kick Chuck Liddell's as. at this point in his career. If you're reading this, Chuck, I challenge you to a fight. Do it.

I'm a little drunk.

Speaking of drunk, here is me at a charity golf tourney on Saturday. I busted out the lime green shirt for the occasion. I was drinking to help the kids.


Funny hsil story, but this might shatter tem's dreams. My buddy had a bbq at his house on Sunday, and a bunch of us went over there for some booze, food, and swimming. hsil was hammered. She was wearing a sun dress and she was stumbling around and someone lifted the dress up and so her as. was out a lot. But, she also has this "talent" that is a big hit at any party. She gets a few drinks in her, and she starts queefing. It's the most disgusting, most awesome, most hilarity thing I've ever seen. She will lay on the ground and just start letting them rip, on demand. She really should be on Howard Stern or something. She can do it whilst lying down, she'll stand up and do a karate kick and do it, she'll jump up and do the splits and let one rip. When she starts doing this, every person at the house gathers around in a circle to watch, and hilarity ensues. So last night, she starts doing it and there were only a couple of people there that had nerve* seen it before, and it's always great seeing the reactions of those people. Hsil even tried to explain to everyone how she does it, but it was just a rambling mess of incoherency that made everything that much funnier. Then one of the chicks there axed hsil if she could also squirt and she gave a ::blank slate::.

I guess that's all. I'm gonna go back to watching the WSOP for the 15th time.

480 comments:

1 – 200 of 480   Newer›   Newest»
Beth said...

Now I know what a regular queef is, but I'm wondering if in keef's world it's something different than is normally thought of, like the now famous keef sanchez.

I'm kinda hoping it is something different, just because that would mean we could now talk about a "keef queef"...

Jugdish said...

I was thinking the same thing...a kueef

Blue said...

maybe in keith's world, it's like cracking your knuckles or something

tem said...

sil stories never cease to amaze

tem said...

by the by hsil is too tall for tem.

Jugdish said...

or making a fart noise with your armpit

Blue said...

sounds like hsil never goes home alone

Blue said...

spiff was right, no need to stay to the end of the game when it's a blowout

i stayed anyway, game didn't go super late, done by 11:15 or so

tem said...

if you stay traffic clears up.

Blue said...

exactly tem...exactly

plus there's always the chance that NO could come back from being 30 down with 5 minutes to go.

tem said...

indeed, a small chance.

tem said...

how did hsil learn of her "talent"?

Blue said...

this is the story du jour today* here

Blue said...

never forgotten

Blue said...

too bad the nuggets don't start the next game up by 29

Blue said...

the cougar

tem said...

cougar = tyra banks' show right?

with some blonde chick trying to nail 20yr olds?

tem said...

"too bad the nuggets don't start the next game up by 29"

they should have to start down 29 to give them other team a chance.

Blue said...

"cougar = tyra banks' show right?"

vivica fox

Blue said...

i'm ready for the draft.

tem said...

close enough

El Padrino said...

queef story

suite

knew a girl who did that, very hilarious

El Padrino said...

i brought in some Appleton Estates Rum for my boss to try and the gollum saw it and has drank at least 4 nice sized shots of it

it's 10:41am, and I'M THE GUY with the drinking problem?

El Padrino said...

polish people are always drunk

fact

Blue said...

he opened your bosses rum?

El Padrino said...

my first apartment i had a polish landlord and i called him bangladesh because he was always banged up

El Padrino said...

"he opened your bosses rum?"

it was open, i sipped a bit on the way in (just a bit, mad traffic)

ns

but that's not the point, he's rude and drunk and i hate him

Blue said...

you opened it? both of yous are drunks

tem said...

you are going to give your boss a half empty bottle of rum?

El Padrino said...

i brought it from home, it was opened

El Padrino said...

yea, i said i had a small bottle already opened and he wanted to try it so i brought it in

Blue said...

ok

Blue said...

makes cents now

tem said...

it makes some cents indeed

tem said...

slow day

spaceman spiff said...

maybe thats why hsilk is still a virgin, she's afraid of losing her queefing powers, it's too risky

spaceman spiff said...

derrick rose got the OFB memo

spaceman spiff said...

josh smiff just caught another alley oop

tem said...

he signed the memo

spaceman spiff said...

snyder really wants sanchez, WFT

spaceman spiff said...

everytime they talk about it on the radio, they say things like 'snyder is in love with sanchez' and now SP says 'snyder is smitten with sanchez' WFT

tem said...

snyder must hate campbell.

spaceman spiff said...

fuck you snyder

tem said...

snyder wants to mind fuck campbell some more. he isn't completely fucked in the head yet.

spaceman spiff said...

campbell is a tard, he is incapable of being phased by mind games

tem said...

that's why snyder is working extra hard to mind fuck him.

jokes on Dan.

Keith S said...

"maybe thats why hsilk is still a virgin, she's afraid of losing her queefing powers, it's too risky"

Very possible

Keith S said...

"how did hsil learn of her "talent"?"

Accident, I guess

El Padrino said...

she's a a virgin

sounds like a giant cocktease to me

wadr

Keith S said...

"this is the story du jour today* here"

I remember hearing about that

Keith S said...

"sounds like a giant cocktease to me"

Of course

El Padrino said...

man those are the worst kind

El Padrino said...

gollum googles everything we talk about then asks questions

i want to shove a grenade in his mouf

Keith S said...

Happy Birthday Hitler

El Padrino said...

fucking pollack skunk

tem said...

today is blue's birthday?

spaceman spiff said...

biel;s boobiessuite

boob looks huge in this one

spaceman spiff said...

few more pics here

El Padrino said...

"this one"

RUMP ROAST FOR DINNER SON!

Keith S said...

Notorious out on DVD tomorrow. Suite

spaceman spiff said...

"RUMP ROAST"

feenominal display of as. to waist ratio in the first pic

El Padrino said...

yes, i fucking love it

Meiz said...

"i want to shove a grenade in his mouf"


Just pull the pin, and hand it to him

JFreak said...

Drinking for the kids is always a good plan.

Meiz said...

No more free stat tracker. Woe.

Steve said...

NC has the hottest chicks.

El Padrino said...

Because objectively speaking, the job of New York Yankees general manager should be the single most failure-proof position not only in sports but in all of human society. Giving a normal, red-blooded, pattern-baldness-suffering American male access to the Steinbrenner fortune and asking him to buy 25 baseball players a year in an unregulated market is no different, in any meaningful way, from handing Sarah Jessica Parker a blank check and asking her to fill a three-bedroom apartment with shoes and dresses. And we’re not even asking her to get good deals. All we ask is that the outfits match.

It’s obscene that a job like this even exists. But for someone to have this job and fuck it up is just appalling, the kind of gross disrespect for our own good fortune that makes it hard for us Americans to look the Third World in the eye. What Brian Cashman has accomplished as GM of the Yankees over the past few years, in turning a perennial World Series champ into a third-place also-ran, is like walking into a backstage party for Led Zeppelin with a two-pound bag of coke and a 28-inch penis and failing for a whole night to get laid.

El Padrino said...

he is a pretty bad gm though

El Padrino said...

good for her!

Keith S said...

"As co-director of the Miss California USA, I am personally saddened and hurt that Miss California believes marriage rights belong only to a man and a woman," said Lewis in a statement. "I believe all religions should be able to ordain what unions they see fit. I do not believe our government should be able to discriminate against anyone and religious beliefs have no politics in the Miss California family."



Shut the fuck up, dude. It's her belief. She's not the government, a judge asked her what she thought, and she stated her belief.

Keith S said...

"In the Bible it says marriage is between Adam and Eve, not Adam and Steve!"


Hilarity

Keith S said...

Miss NC lives in a van down by the river

Steve said...

"Miss NC lives in a van down by the river"

that's Miss USA. or Miss America.

whatever.

Keith S said...

Kenyan woman won the marathon. Ethiopian man won.

Steve said...

It’s funny that they're getting so upset about Miss Cali's comments.

She's a BEAUTY QUEEN!!! I doubt she'll sway any votes.

El Padrino said...

obama looks like he wants to marry chavez

Jugdish said...

It’s funny that they're getting so upset about Miss Cali's comments.


did you see the video blog from that guy who asked the question? he posted if after it was all over...trying to find it.

Jugdish said...

should be on this video

spaceman spiff said...

"did you see the video blog from that guy who asked the question? he posted if after it was all over...trying to find it."

article said it was perez hilton, so its probably on his site

Jugdish said...

I'm mutombo'd on a lot of stuff on this network.

El Padrino said...

front page wwl

mock draft with legends

stop it wwl

stop it

Blue said...

ESPN is hurting for content

El Padrino said...

saw paulie walnuts for the 100th time fri night

El Padrino said...

i was gonna channel my inner rev and ask him to sign my bosom but chose otherwise

tem said...

ib

JFreak said...

ybt.

JFreak said...

ibt.

spaceman spiff said...

awesome day to forget to set my espn lineup

Keith S said...

"should be on this video"

video leads off with that dumb chick from the 2007 contest. awesome

Keith S said...

Perez Hilton needs to die

Jugdish said...

Perez Hilton needs to die



yup...he came off looking like a bitch in that ordeal.

El Padrino said...

she jug

she

Jugdish said...

troof

spaceman spiff said...

"No more free stat tracker. Woe."

update: you are getting crushed 3-0 right now

spaceman spiff said...

fucking pedroia

Meiz said...

CLUBBED THUMB! Grossgrossgross

spaceman spiff said...

word

Blue said...

i like peanuts and i cannot lie...

you other brothers can't deny

El Padrino said...

lebron won coach of the year

El Padrino said...

That Susan Boyle lady that has swept Britain with her rendition of the Les Mis power song is approached by porn company to lose her virginity on camera. Sorry bout this.

El Padrino said...

free credit report .com

call your friends, call your dad, call your mom

JFreak said...

Free with purchase is not free.

Keith S said...

"free credit report .com

call your friends, call your dad, call your mom"



Fuck you for doing that

Blue said...

free is free

Keith S said...

cmk was throwing up this morning. I hope it was just the wine she drank last night.

Keith S said...

99° today. GFY, Al Gore

El Padrino said...

why

Keith S said...

why ask why?

El Padrino said...

try bud dry

Keith S said...

exactly

Blue said...

i think cmblue is trying to sneek in the next kid...we sure are "practicing" a lot lately

Keith S said...

that is very sneaky

spaceman spiff said...

it would be funny if blue secretly got a vasectomy after the first kid

tem said...

"cmk was throwing up this morning."



hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahaha

tem said...

"we sure are "practicing" a lot lately"

bragger

Beth said...

"cmk was throwing up this morning."

Clearly you didn't use the foolproof EP method of birth control of "splooging" on her stomach.

El Padrino said...

Snyder, the Washington owner, has one pick in the top 75, the 13th overall. He was willing to trade that pick plus next year's first-round pick and something else to get Jay Cutler from Denver to replace Jason Campbell at quarterback. That failed, but I'm told Snyder is beyond smitten with Sanchez and will likely pursue him this week. How can he do that? He's going to have to part with either his next two first-round picks, or a slew of picks, including this year's one.


skunkpatch

El Padrino said...

spoogin beth

spoogin

El Padrino said...

hahahahahaahha

keef way to wait a year or two before getting her knocked up

hahahahahhahahhaha

fool

El Padrino said...

blue stay strong

El Padrino said...

keef your green shirt called

said he needs some rest

Beth said...

"spoogin beth"

I need to keep a list of these terms.

s

Keith S said...

"Clearly you didn't use the foolproof EP method of birth control of "splooging" on her stomach."

Negative. That's all I do

El Padrino said...

wow, saliva all over my floor just from readin the MMQB

king is bobbing hard on sanchezzzzz

Keith S said...

"keef your green shirt called

said he needs some rest"


First time I've worn it in over a year.

ns

El Padrino said...

"Negative. That's all I do"

there's a good split second there where you left it in a bit to long

for instance, when you pull out do you have to tug on your pecker a few times to force your babies out or do you tug on the pecker to keep your babies flowing out

all it takes is one phelps keef

Keith S said...

I'm shocked but not surprised that EP is the one who asked me what I do with it

Beth said...

"First time I've worn it in over a year."

Aren't you the same guy that posted 3 pics of you with pro athletes awhile back and in 2 of them you had on the same shirt?

I think you have like 2-3 shirts and just rotate them...

Keith S said...

"I think you have like 2-3 shirts and just rotate them..."

This may or may not be true.

El Padrino said...

"First time I've worn it in over a year."

wow that's like a 5 year old shirt
i dont think i have anything from 5 years ago

Keith S said...

If I want to see someone famous, I wear the nautica shirt. If I plan on getting shitfaced, I wear the green shirt. It's science

Steve said...

"cmk was throwing up this morning."


DEAD MAN WALKING!! WE HAVE A DEAD MAN WALKING THE GREEN MILE. DEAD MAN WALKING!!

spaceman spiff said...

"there's a good split second there where you left it in a bit to long"

i hope EP is not serious and has heard of pre-#3

Keith S said...

"i dont think i have anything from 5 years ago"

How old are your stilts?

El Padrino said...

"I'm shocked but not surprised that EP is the one who asked me what I do with it"

just brotherly advice
enjoy the roses before you piss on them is all i'm sayin

Keith S said...

"i hope EP is not serious and has heard of pre-#3"

There's like 300 million little guys in pre-#3

spaceman spiff said...

"wow that's like a 5 year old shirt
i dont think i have anything from 5 years ago"

rich folks usually dont, dame dash on cribs says he throws away white T's after 1 wear

El Padrino said...

"i hope EP is not serious and has heard of pre-#3"

flank steak

El Padrino said...

"rich folks usually dont, dame dash on cribs says he throws away white T's after 1 wear"

and now he's dead broke and his wife and kids hate him

Keith S said...

"and now he's dead broke and his wife and kids hate him"

You should learn from his mistakes

spaceman spiff said...

"flank steak"

stop it

Beth said...

"First time I've worn it in over a year"

"If I plan on getting shitfaced, I wear the green shirt"

Unless the 2nd statement was S I'm calling bullshit on this. No way you haven't planned on getting shitfaced in over a year.

Keith S said...

"Unless the 2nd statement was S I'm calling bullshit on this. No way you haven't planned on getting shitfaced in over a year."


I was trying to steer away from the "I only have 2-3 shirts" conversation

El Padrino said...

trading for and signing lt jason peters was huge for the iggles

Meiz said...

"I think you have like 2-3 shirts and just rotate them..."


I'm that guy

El Padrino said...

"I was trying to steer away from the "I only have 2-3 shirts" conversation"

this is how you save money though

spaceman spiff said...

mullin jersey-breers shirt-ups store shirt

El Padrino said...

"Chad Johnson called me today. Crying. He wonders why everyone can get traded but him.''

-- Former Johnson teammate T.J. Houshmandzadeh, now with Seattle, on NFL Network Friday night.


hahahahahaahhahahaha

Meiz said...

""i hope EP is not serious and has heard of pre-#3"

flank steak"


Shocking. NY health class is clearly the best in the world.

Meiz said...

"mullin jersey-breers shirt-ups store shirt"


And the famous maroon t-shirt

spaceman spiff said...

wif EPs knowledge, his daughter will be preggo young

WADR

El Padrino said...

pre-#3

unless i call it something else and just dont know it still gets a flank steak

Beth said...

"unless i call it something else and just dont know it still gets a flank steak"

He's talking about pre-cum EP. Do we really need to spell that out for you?

WADR of course.

Keith S said...

I was trying to steer away from the "I'm not mize" conversation


*fized

El Padrino said...

pre cum

got it

yes you need to spell it out and i'm not offended or embarrassed

Keith S said...

holy cow

El Padrino said...

sperm really needs to be "ejaculated" to have the best chance at reaching the egg anyway

i'm not a big believer in the pre-cum theory

El Padrino said...

pre=#4

El Padrino said...

and i'm the moron




right

El Padrino said...

pre-#7

Meiz said...

"i'm not a big believer in the pre-cum theory"


Um, yeah. Its not a theory. Its a fact.

Meiz said...

Whatta got on a #19?

Keith S said...

"Whatta got on a #19?"


jilarity

Meiz said...

New lady is having cali rolls for lunch. They are bathing in a half inch of soy sauce. Incredible.

El Padrino said...

"Um, yeah. Its not a theory. Its a fact."

it's all based on the individual though, my pre-cum is weaksauce while my ejacualted cum is concentrated and powerful

Keith S said...

TM#3T

Jugdish said...

it's all based on the individual though


true...my precum is like the liquid metal from terminator 2 and it can go wherever it wants.

Keith S said...

beth is staring at the screen with her mouth open right now

El Padrino said...

see what i'm sayin
just cuz it's in a book doesnt mean it's true

Steve said...

this is ep's dream conversation.

Keith S said...

"see what i'm sayin
just cuz it's in a book doesnt mean it's true"

What about the bible?

El Padrino said...

even the bible agrees with mecareful there are some dong shots there

El Padrino said...

you asked for it keefer dongmuffin

Keith S said...

New low for EP

Keith S said...

spiff, do something

Jugdish said...

ep...didn't you write that wiki entry?

El Padrino said...

again, you asked for it keef dongmonger

El Padrino said...

man this is an hilarious half hour

i'm rolling here, guys are asking me what i'm laughing bout

Keith S said...

"ep...didn't you write that wiki entry?"

ha

Jugdish said...

give them some more rum

Keith S said...

I would leave that...rum...sitting around here with these guys.

Jugdish said...

Yo bartender...Joboo needs a refill!

Steve said...

New low, even for EP

*fixed

Keith S said...

"El Padrino" is spanish for "The love of ding dong"

Meiz said...

"i'm rolling here, guys are asking me what i'm laughing bout"


I'm ashamed that I can't figure out the right joke for this

Keith S said...

i'm rolling here, guys are asking me why I'm looking at cock&ballz



*fized

Jugdish said...

"El Padrino" is spanish for... "The Padrino!"

Jugdish said...

fixed

El Padrino said...

this is hilarity

El Padrino said...

the day of the dong 4

Keith S said...

Good Farley reference

tem said...

i liked it better when nobody was typing anything.

El Padrino said...

tem dont go making that your screensaver now

Jugdish said...

I like to think that I have an "eye" for detail.

Beth said...

"my pre-cum is weaksauce while my ejacualted cum is concentrated and powerful"

I'm still trying to figure out how you supposedly know this EP. Either you've had both tested and that's a scary thought, or you haven't but just believe it's true, and that's also a scary thought.

El Padrino said...

jug my cum would have gotten that leech off her eye

tem said...

yeah but your weak sauce pre cum wouldn't have done anything.

tem said...

wow me might make newer today.

tem said...

i mean we better

tem said...

since it is next

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"Most Boston sports fans are just douchebags. Because most people from New England are douchebags." - tem





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"If you agree with EP, change your opinion." - H





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"I'm so horny this morning. If there wasn't this sex offender list going around id grope bitches on the train this morning" - L Padrino